People Confess The Stupidest Ways They Landed Themselves In The Hospital
Reddit user pro_No asked: 'What is the stupidest reason you sent yourself to the hospital?'
We've all had our clumsy moments and ended up with some cuts, bruises, or bumped elbows.
But some of us have really gone above and beyond when it comes to being adventurous, and some of the reasons we've ended up going to the hospital have been downright stupid.
Redditor pro_No asked:
"What is the stupidest reason you sent yourself to the hospital?"
Cat Karma
"I turned around on the stairs to call my cat fat and badly sprained my ankle."
"I thought I had broken it because there was an audible crunch and I felt something pushing up inside my foot (x-rays didn’t show a break)."
"The doctor told me, 'Serves you right,' when I told him what happened."
- Blizard896
What Are the Odds?
"I fell into the only prickly pear cactus in a 100-mile radius."
"I went to the ER because I was having a reaction to it. They used duct tape mostly and tweezed the rest. The pricks were super, super fine and hairlike, though, and I was finding some still in my skin weeks later."
- throwaway_298482
Surprisingly Troubling
"I had trapped gas."
"After an ultrasound, the nurse came in and explained it to me, and shortly after, I stood up to get dressed and leave."
"The nurse was helping me as I was still in pain, and I let out the longest, most explosive-sounding fart I've ever farted."
"It was such instant relief and such innocent giggles from me and the nurse."
- endieloverhd
Medically Unimpressive
"I did a flip off of a table to impress some girls."
- bearded_charmander
"I'm sure they all visited in the hospital?"
- pro_No
"No. Dark times."
- beardedd_charmander
Spoiled Food
"When I was in college, I had my mom's home-cooked meal that I accidentally left out overnight. I tried to eat it anyway."
"24 hours of it coming out of both ends and one ER visit later, I realized that I had learned a valuable lesson."
- Low_Departure_5853
Undercooked Chicken
"I gave myself food poisoning by undercooking chicken."
"I woke up in the middle of the night around 2:00 AM and started going to the bathroom, relieving myself from the bottom and emptying from the top. I kept puking till I’ll couldn’t even keep water down. I thought I was gonna go into shock and die. (I lived alone during this time in my own place.)"
"At 7:00 AM, I called my Mom, no answer. I called my Uncle, no answer. I called my Dad, no answer."
"I called my Grandma. She answered half-asleep, 'Hello? OP?'"
"I said, 'Please help, I think I’m going to die.'"
"She picked me up and got me to the ER."
I said, 'I can’t move, please, I need a wheelchair.' They wheeled me in. I sat in the lobby for 30 minutes for health insurance purposes."
"They got me into a room. 'Bag,' I said, 'I need a bag.' I emptied more of myself out violently."
"My Dad got there around that time."
"The rest of the day was me getting hooked up to an IV, being CAT scanned to see what the problem was, being released, and then taken home to sleep and get hydrated for the next two days."
"I learned that it’s better to burn your food than to undercook it."
"Man, is it fun learning how to cook in your 20s."
- Major_KingKong
Unexpected Allergies
"I got stuck in the ankle by a porcupine quill, and I found out I'm allergic to porcupines!!! My eyes swelled shut, kind of scary."
"Then, on crutches, I couldn't wear contacts for a week, so I couldn't really see, I tripped and fell down the stairs after class at college, hurt my arm/wrist. They were sprained, and I had to wear a brace."
"The worst week. And I have since had to list porcupines under my list of allergies."
- Apprehensive_West814
Individualistic Food Allergies
"My friend got over his seafood allergy and had a bowl of shrimp. I thought I’d do the same and eat some pistachios."
- Panal_Lleno
In Need of Glasses
"I got hit by a truck in the seventh grade because I didn't have my glasses."
"I didn't have my glasses because I'd lost them in a car accident the day prior."
"The hospital I was taken to recognized me from the car accident and called my mother."
- Faultierghost
Slapstick Comedy in the Making
"I threw a tennis ball in the air and attempted to catch it, but I ended up slipping on wet grass and broke my arm."
- FrancoVFX
Motorcycle Smarts
"Day one: got my motorcycle license."
"Day two: was speeding and took a turn way too fast; snapped collar bone like a twig among other scrapes. Luckily it didn't turn out worse. Got sent to ER."
"Day three to 183: spent time laying in bed while the bone healed."
"Day 184: out there again with proper gear and obeying the speed limit. Still have close calls here and there."
- xydenkonos
A Feline Assistant
"Apparently when I was younger, I guess around five or six, I dumped a container of detergent in my eyes. I don't remember it at all but my Mom brings it up every now and then."
"Apparantly my cat knocked it off the washer into my reach."
- No-Efficiency3406
In Need of Those Cookies
"I ran into the ouch part of a rocking chair when I was four years old, because my mom came home from grocery shopping and told me there were cookies."
"I got excited, tripped, and busted one of my eyebrows up good enough to need some stitches."
- kannakantplay
The Glass Door Phenomenon
"I walked through a glass door I left open and my dad closed. Of course, it was a Sunday and no doctor was avaible except at the hospital."
- SirLunchALot1993
Wrong Directions
"I had a typo on Google Maps."
- arghimapiratebooty
"OH, you accidentally drove to the hospital."
- ZobiBakughou
From truly silly to absolute disasters, these are a great reminder of how serious a little mistake can get.
People Who Have Watched Their Partner Give Birth Describe What It Was Really Like
For couples who want to have children, the actual child-birthing process might be one of the most trying experiences the couple will ever go through together.
But while many of us think of the process of pushing and the physical messes of birthing the baby, there's actually a lot more to it, and the partners who witness their other half giving birth tend to remember far more about the experience than just the blood.
Redditor Asleep-Awareness5249 asked:
"Men who have watched their wives/partners give birth, what was that like?"
Hilarious Moments
"My wife cussed out the doctor. I was glad we were forced to wear face masks because I was cackling when she would let him have it in-between pushes."
- OkVolume1
Inopportune Phone Calls
"My wife's phone went off during a really painful procedure, and she yelled, 'Who the f**k is calling me!!!!???'"
"But to be fair, one does not need to go thru painful procedures in order to justify saying this every time the phone rings."
- Veritas3333
Sort of Fascinating
"I was holding my wife's hand through two c-sections, the first an emergency."
"There was a low green cloth screen to stop her (and me) from seeing the actual procedure, but I'm tall, so I could see over the top anyway. Fortunately, I'm not squeamish. It was like a butcher's shop window (except very interesting)."
"They had a radio on and the first kid came out to the sound of 'First Of The Gang To Die,' which was funny."
"It all worked out well, both kids are great, a fascinating and completely exhausting experience."
- catbrane
Absolutely Not Useless
"As someone who had a 36-hour labor that ended in a c-section, I can say that having a partner there for you is a godsend. I spent so much time with my eyes closed, drifting in and out, not able to acknowledge my partner but I knew he was there the whole time."
"He was the person that knew me best out of all the strangers that popped in and out of the room. He was my advocate and anticipated what I needed before I knew I needed it."
"After, he said he felt totally useless and helpless but that couldn't be further from the truth."
- Timetogoout
The Importance of Aftercare
"You're the cheerleader in this game. F**king play your part and feel useless."
"A father's REAL test is aftercare. While your wife is recovering from childbirth, you are to do everything, and I mean f**king everything, for her that you possibly can."
"Men who don't change dirty nappies are just f**king p**s-weak men, and even more so if they brag about it."
- BlazeVenturaV2
Terribly Scary
"Am I a bad person if I say horrific? It was a c-section and seeing her knocked out like that was one of the most disturbing images I can recall. I nearly cried on the spot."
- Dyn085
Childbirth on Fast-Forward
"Our first was 13 hours, giving us a false sense of security for the second. It was only three hours."
"My wife didn't do an epidural for #1 and said, 'I didn't need to do that. I'm getting it for the next one.' So we get to the hospital and said, 'Give me the epidural.'"
"They say we need to get settled in the room. By the time we got to the room, he was coming out. There was no time for anything; the docs had to scramble."
"All things considered, both deliveries were 'fine.' It's mind-boggling that that is the best-case scenario; they were the most intense days of my life."
- thugarth
Don't Skimp on Breakfast
"My wife was going into contractions but they were pretty far apart, so we drive down to the hospital, stopping for Egg McMuffins along the way. I dropped my wife off at the receiving area for delivery with some nurses and the midwife and then I went back out to move the car because I was in a 15-minute parking area."
"While I was moving the car, I looked at that Egg McMuffin I hadn't been able to eat yet and was like, 'I totally have hours before this baby comes out. I should eat this sandwich now and not like, in the delivery room as my wife was trying to push a baby out.'"
"So I ate the sandwich, moved the car, and went up to the delivery room."
"At the reception desk there, one of the nurses said, 'I think your wife just had a baby.'"
"And was like, 'Nah, you must be mistaken. I just arrived. WE HAVE HOURS.'"
"So I went to the delivery room and there was my son, fresh as could be, and my exhausted wife who had just given birth."
- doublerapscallion
A Traumatic Experience
"My wife was in labor for about 35 hours. When we got to the point where she was ready to push, my son’s heart rate started to plummet."
"We went from a single midwife in the hospital room with us, encouraging and owning the whole process, to a team of doctors (about 10 people) who came to help within two minutes. They performed an episiotomy and had to pull my kid out with forceps and the vacuum."
"My wife lost about 1.5 liters of blood, and I remember sitting there watching all of this and thinking they would both die and my whole world was crashing around me. She looked like a ghost and he looked like a bloody, bleeding little alien when he came out. They rushed him to the NICU and gave him oxygen."
"My son is now almost 3 years old, my wife made a full recovery, and they are both the best people I know. It can be a traumatic experience for everyone involved, but f**k me if I don’t look back on it and remember what a warrior she was and what a fighter he is."
- upark88
New Admiration
"I saw a strength in my wife I don't think either of us knew she had. It was an incredible experience, and I was so proud of my wife and child. I'm glad they still keep me around."
- Druzl
Feeling Irrelevant
"This is really my experience in the maternity ward. You are 'dad' and you will carry bag and get water. Not because you are actually needed to carry these bags that could fit on this cart, or get the water from the sink over there that literally takes more time to explain where the cups are."
"But you need a job to keep you occupied, so get moving."
"I've never been so 'handled' before in my life, and I knew it was happening, but f**k if I was going to mess up the process and make them focus on anything besides my wife and kids."
"Nurses are the most amazing, and most evil things ever."
- mwbbrown
New Appreciation for Life
"With our firstborn, I had three primary thoughts:"
"1. Thank god for modern medicine, or both my wife and son would be dead."
"2. My wife is a godd**n warrior."
"3. I have a whole new appreciation for my own mother."
"Every birth is a medical emergency, and every successful birth is a miracle. Simple as that to me."
"A planned c-section for our second was much smoother."
- leftcoastbias24
Lonely and Helpless
"The loneliest and most helpless feeling in the world. She had to undergo an emergency C-section and went under shortly after they started. The head doctor made the call to not let me in the room, so I was stuck watching through a small window."
"The little man came out purple and not breathing and my wife was limp. For about five minutes, nobody came out to speak to me and I was quite certain both of them were dead."
"Then I heard him scream and cry and one of the nurses rushed him over to my wife and held him against her cheek. Shortly after that, the nurse handed him to me and said that both my wife and him were perfectly healthy. To say it was the largest range of emotions my mind and body had ever experienced is an understatement."
"We felt like we were prepared for anything during labor, but the emergency c-section really threw us off. Happened so fast. Luckily everything worked out, but it was pretty scary for a while there."
- AdvancedGentleman
Something Out of an '80s Movie
"It's kind of like the movie 'Aliens' but entirely based around a vagina."
- Digreth
A Message to Fathers
"So, I'm the wife. And we didn't get to take our babies home, but I delivered stillborn twins a few months ago."
"My husband said exactly the same as many fathers here, that he felt so helpless watching me give birth."
"But to me, that man standing there and holding my hand was exactly what I needed. It was both medically and emotionally traumatic, but I remember feeling calm and purposeful because I knew what needed to be done, and I knew that I was the only one who could do it."
"What I needed from him was his presence. He didn't leave me alone. He didn't run from any of it, and I think he saw more of the blood and such than I did (I was a little doped up and had my eye closed for the actual delivery)."
"I could do that, keep my eyes closed and focus on what my body was telling me, BECAUSE he was there holding my hand. I didn't need to be on high alert, because he was there. His presence and my trust in him helped me do the hardest thing I have ever done in my life."
- what_ho_puck
Whether the birthing process was really long or really short, whether it was complicated or straight-forward, many partners had shared experiences of being overwhelmed, of being proud of their wives, and of feeling like there was hardly anything they could do.
At least for the women who chimed in, though, them being there might have been the most helpful part.
Not asking for this to happen to anyone lucky enough to read these stories, but you would hope if you had to make a trip to the emergency room it would be for a worthwhile reason. Maybe you damaged your clavicle bravely fighting off some purse snatchers or injured your fibula rescuing your family from a sinking ship.
Not sticking something up your butt and getting it stuck there.
On purpose. Which happens a lot more than you might think.
Warning, some of these tales from the E.R. are NSFW.
Reddit user, SnooSuggestions5585, wanted to hear about the craziest things happening in hospitals when they asked:
"Redditors who work at the ER, what's the funniest/absurd reason someone was brought in?"
You would expect most of the injuries obtained in the E.R. to come from kids, right?
Sigh, Teenagers Gonna Teenager
"Over the course of an evening 9 teenagers were brought in by their parents for hallucinations."
"None of them were able to tell us what was going on and they trickled in over about 4 hours."
"The drug screens were negative but they were all pretty badly out of it."
"Finally one of the siblings was able to tell us they had all been at the same party."
"One of the teens had talked the others into trying mushrooms except they were mildly poisonous ones instead of the ones you take for 'shrooms'."
"They were all tripping like crazy for the night and they had to stay in the ER until they were sobering up."
"It was amusing for the staff but the parents were quite irate."- Liz4984
Revenge!
"I’m a cop and was posted at the ER on night shift once and a woman came in because she got bit by a snake in her yard."
"She was panicking because of it."
"Her hand was really swollen."
"One of the nurses asked if she saw what kind of snake it was and she said no."
"A couple of minutes later, these two boys, maybe 12-13, came running in holding a decapitated snake in pieces inside of a ziploc bag."
"They had rode their bikes from their house to the hospital to show the doctors the snake that bit this lady."
"Like these kids heard about what happened and went on her yard to kill the snake just to do this."
"It was funny and oddly heartwarming." - Amy-Paradise
bag snakes GIFGiphyYou really need to question the sanity of some of these people before they visited the hospital. Ask questions like, "Why weren't you brought in sooner for just being alive?"
Seemed Like The Right Call To Make At The Time
"When asking what brought him in today he said he was arguing with his sister about the car and how much this costs and carrying on, had to stop and ask him again why is he here."
"His reasoning was he was tired of arguing with his sister and would rather be admitted to the hospital."- Lil-one
Wait Until All Of It Is Good And Out
"A woman came in after she cut her hand pretty bad making dinner."
"Instead of putting any pressure on the cut to stop the bleeding, she was just letting herself bleed into a large kitchen bowl."- Virtual-Cupcake-1510
With Friends Like These?
"Had a guy come in after smoking weed with his friends and then he also did PCP."
"His friends got very paranoid and he became aggressive towards them, so naturally they attacked him… with a samurai sword."- Current_Recording_64
Mean Lets Go GIF by Arrow VideoGiphyAnd then there's these.
The ones you were all waiting for with delightful, Schadenfreudian glee.
The sex ones.
Wait, This Happens So Often There's A Nickname For It???
"As a kid, my Mom's EMT stories seemed hilarious, but as an adult I don't think I'd have the patience to tolerate so many people's bullsh-t."
"That being said, here goes the story."
"They get a call that a guy has a sever nosebleed, is already feeling dizzy, losing a lot of blood and can't stop it."
"Needless to say they floor it, thinking the guy might bleed out, get there in very short time."
"They ring the doorbell, a guy answers."
"They ask him to take them to the victim, he says they're talking to him."
"Not one drop of blood on the guy's face or clothes or anywhere, cheeks all rosy, doesn't look like he's lost a lot of blood so they ask what the deal is."
"He says it's hard to explain but he was worried they wouldn't send him an ambulance if he was honest about his symptoms and he's in a lot of pain."
"My mom tells him to sit down and tell them about the symptoms while they take his blood pressure."
"Guy says he'll do all of that, except for the sitting down part."
"Now, I bet you all know where this is going."
"Turns out he'd been trying to convince his girlfriend to experiment sexually with him."
"She wasn't into it, was afraid it would hurt."
"So the guy says 'if I show you on myself, will you do it?'".
"She reluctantly said yes."
"So the guy lubes up a thin aluminum flashlight, 2 cm thick, 15 cm long, bends over and jams it up where the sun don't shine"
"So they put him on a stretcher and the driver says into the radio 'ambulance 98 returning, 28 year-old male with severe constipation and foreign object in his rectum'."
"'Uhm... it's a flashlight, in case it matters'."
"'So, uhm... Yup, you heard that right: we're bringin' you a firefly, stand by'."- Corvus_Manufaktura
flashlight GIFGiphyDon't Pick Him Up And Shake Him!
"My Mom worked in the OR and said there were soo many guys who ended up there because of things they 'slipped and fell' on."
"The craziest one for her was the guy who 'slipped and fell" on a snow globe'."- craponapoopstick
He'll Follow You Until The Afterlife Fades Away
"I got admitted to the ED after a heavy leather bound photo album fell off the top of a free standing wardrobe during sex and hit me on the head."
"I ended up with 12 stitches and a multi layer closure and luckily missed out on a skull fracture."
"The album in question? The woman’s wedding day with her dead husband."
"We joked later that it was his ghost disapproving of our random horny moments."- W2ttsy
Wait For The Twist Ending...
"Girl came in saying she had a lump in her vagina."
"Very worried about it."
"Examination revealed nil abnormalities."
"On further questioning her new boyfriend said he felt it during sex'."
"It was her cervix."- craycraxy
A visit to the ER shouldn't be a laughing matter.
Unless it's the only possible treatment for the scenario.
I've got a burning desire... or I'm just burning...
"Last night a guy came in with a fever."
"CORRECTION: His PENIS had a fever."
"Yeah, you read that right, his Penis, only, was warmer than usual, and it freaked him out."- Dont-Lick-the-Cat
GiphyShe's a woman now
"I’m not an ER nurse, but my dad used to be and I’ll always remember this story."
"This mom brings her 13 year old daughter in and swears up and down that her daughter was bit by a bug and has a nasty infection."
"She says the daughter was bit by mosquitoes while they were outside, and her chest was swelling abnormally because of it."
"So they do some kind of physical exam, and my dad had to explain that the daughter wasn’t bit by mosquitoes, she just hit puberty and was developing breasts."- katelikesmilk
What are you trying to hide?
"One I was working at the ER a young guy 18-19 years old, who was at a party, came piss drunk and unconcious."
"In order to get a urine tox screening we decided to take a urine sample through a catheter."
"When the nurse pulled down his pants we discovered that he had put a thick white sports sock in his underwear."
"After the test was taken we decided to put the sock back where we found it so he wouldn’t die of shame when he woke up!"- alexfrommalmoe
"I've decided that if I ever have a sex-toy-related injury that requires medical care, I'm just going to own it."
"In fact I'll go one better."
" if I have an innocuous boring injury that sends me to the ER, I'm going to claim it was an athletic sex injury instead."-triggur
The Lengths some people will go to
"I don’t work in the ER, but did my preceptorship in the ER my final semester of nursing school."
"Had a lady come in via EMS because her partner 'threw a red solo cup at my back and I’m having terrible pain now!'"
"It was the most dramatic show I’ve ever witnessed watching that poor EMS crew roll her into a tiny room as she’s flailing and fake-sobbing."
"ER doctor looked at me, the student, and said 'take her this script for Ibuprofen'."
"She’s discharged'."
"He spent maybe 2 minutes in her room."
"I took the script in, gave her the discharge paperwork, and she threw it in my face and told me to 'get f*cked'.”
"No joke, she came back 2 hours later, walked into the ER herself, with a bloody towel wrapped around her hand."
"She told me to hold out my hand."
"I already had gloves on."
" She placed her thumb in my hand and said 'can I get some pain medicine now?'"
"'Calm as could be and very manipulative-like."
"This lady legit went home and cut her thumb off to get pain meds."
"She didn’t get any pain meds, she got an immediate air lift to a major hospital to have emergency hand surgery."-deadheadramblinrose
Read the instructions carefully
"Directly from a family member who’s an ICU rn."
"Patient was brought in to the ER after making a homemade dart gun with a needle and straw but blowing IN, instead of out."
"He swallowed both."
"Thought he could just poop out both but ended up with massive GI bleeds and losing most of his blood."
"Needed surgery and a ton of blood product transfusions."- Responsible_Rent7970
It goes both ways
"I don't work there, but I personally went to ER and asked them to fake a report for me so I can skip a test I had the following day."
"They agreed."- MarwanMero
Maybe we rely a but too much on technology
"A woman came into the ED recently because she couldn't find her pulse on her apple watch so she was worried that her pulse was gone."
""The doctor taught her how to find her pulse via jugular and sent her home."
"lmao."
apple watch connecting GIFGiphyYou don't outgrow fun... or do you?
"Friend of mine in college thought it would be fun to swing in one of those rubber tire bucket like baby swings in the park."
"So she managed to put her feet through the leg holes and climb in."
"Only to get completely stuck in the swing."
"Her circulation was getting cut off by the swing and her legs were swelling like crazy."
"We tried to pull her out but no luck."
"We had to call 911."
"She ended up going to the ER with the swing still on her to get cut out of it."- RainbowUnicorn0228·
Maybe ease up on the self gratification.
"I volunteered at a hospital in HS, and my only time in the ER, a gentleman came in complaining of severe pain in his groin area."
"Come to learn he was a chronic masterbater, and had rubbed considerable patches of skin OFF."
"Not only that, you could hear him yelp randomly, and it was because he was doing it then too!"- notnotasock
As always, all of the salutes and respect to the people we pay to heal us. The things they have to outright not laugh in our faces for must be a mountain impossibly high.
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