"Whats the most deranged thing you have ever seen anyone do?"
One Imagines Eye Doctors see All Kinds Of Things...
"Eye doctor here."
"Where shall I begin?"
"I remember one young lady who came in for a routine visit but her eyelids were very swollen from her fake eyelashes."
"The adhesive was laid on THICK and was literally blocking her gland orifaces and causing massive infection of both eyelids."
"Despite the severe swelling, she didn’t seem particularly fazed."
"It wasn’t even her reason for visit."
"I looked at her under the lamp, then told her that those lashes are going to need to go."
"So I turn around to grab some petroleum jelly and some q-tips to work those adhesive clumps off slowly when I start hearing what sounds like Velcro being torn apart."
"I turn around and she ripped out both top lids of fake lashes including every single natural lash she had."
"It was a startlingly clean job and she just looked at me completely bald-eyed and said 'okay now what?'"
"Don’t forget, they were infected and swollen."
"Well, now they were even more swollen and had a ton of ripped off lash stumps."
"So I prescribed her antibiotics and told her that her lashes would probably grow back over the next few weeks."-OscarDivine
Fred Armisen Lol GIF by IFCGiphyShe Couldn't Have At Least Done It So Her Mother Couldn't Hear?!?!
"Worked in an ICU."
"The patient was being asked their goals of care and if they wanted to be resuscitated, the patient said yes."
"Her daughter said no."
"The attending said, 'well your mom is still competent so we have to follow her wishes'."
"The daughter pulled the doctor aside and said, 'why don't you just give her some medications to put her to sleep, she won't be competent and then my word goes and you pull the plug?'"
"Silence for a while and then the attending just said no we don't do that."
"Very slowly and escorted the daughter out of the room."
"The patient made it out of the hospital ok that time anyway."
"I sometimes wonder how she did after that."- bobbi21
It Never Pays To Show Off
"Gal I went to culinary school with, early 90’s, all of a sudden started juggling her knives in the hall between classes in front of one of the chef instructors."
"Yes, she immediately had her 8” chef knife stuck 3 inches in the middle of her palm."
"Chef just sighed, shook his head and pushed the gal to the office to get her to the ER."- MissMurderpants
One Hopes He wasn't Trying To Suggest Something...
"I was sitting at a cafe once when a man sitting a few tables away from me, locked eyes with me."
"Maintaining eye contact, he leaned over to the vase of pussywillow stems decorating the table, and munched them."
"Just took a whole bite of twig and fuzzy willow bud."- crospingtonfrotz
What The Actual...
"In a nightclub in the late eighties."
"Bloke sitting at a table on his own."
"He poured what he had left in his pint glass onto the floor, then took a bite out of the glass."
"Glass severed his top lip."
"He then sat there bleeding into the glass."
"There was a lot of blood! Not pretty!"- Cyber5c0u7
How Did He Even Get There Though?
"Saw a guy stumble safely across 3 out of 4 lanes of high-speed traffic."- salvadordaliparton69
i'm coming season 1 GIF by Good Girls RevoltGiphyOne Imagines The Beginning And The End Were Related...
"Restaurant kitchen, middle of the busiest night of the year, something went wrong, not sure what but I'm pretty sure it was a fairly small setback."
"Sous Chef goes BALLISTIC screams at some people then reaches bare-handed into the blast oven and grabs out two scorching hot bowls of baked soup, RUINS his hands, and throws them into the window with the skin from his palms visibly stuck to it in places."
"He immediately calms down, walks off the line to treat his hands, came back out to try and direct from the front for a bit, then at some point just went home without saying anything."
"Came back a week or two later divorced from his wife."- McCheeseTruther
Let's Hope She's Getting The Help She Needs
"I had a younger cousin who I was absolutely scared of when I was younger."
"Refused to be alone with her, stopped tagging along to holidays in their area."
"The kind of kid that pulled out a box of crickets under her bed to show me how she pulled off their legs and put tacks through them."
"She cut my hair in my sleep during a sleep over."
"She flattened her mom's tire once bc she wouldn't take us to a movie."
"She was about 7."
"Last I heard she was in therapy and living with the grandparents today, mom couldn't handle her."- Junimo_Tea
What was She Hoping To Accomplish?
"I saw a woman at a retail store lay in the floor and turn an empty shopping cart on top of her then proceeded to start screaming like she was in pain."
"I promptly told the manager she had staged the whole thing."- Impressive-Floor-700
zach galifianakis dale GIF by BasketsFXGiphyHow Would That Even Be Possible?
"A lady on the bus screamed at me one time because she thought I had stolen her knees."- The_Rural_Banshee
Meh, All In A Day...
"Not sure this is most deranged I’ve seen but it’s what is coming to mind."
"I was at a house party and this dude comes in, stands on a table, drops his pants, lights his pubes on fire for a few seconds, pulls his pants back up and everyone carried on like no big deal."- Rajili
For better or worse, people have a way of surprising you.
And as is always the case, there are good surprises and there are bad surprises.
Good to anyone who hears a child declare their eagerness to take their parents life support keeping their game face on though...
"What are some horrifying things to consider when thinking about aliens?"
We'll Be Their Pets...
"Aliens could do to us what we did to wolves, selectively breeding a once noble species in grotesque ways, transforming us into the equivalent of bulldogs, poodles, dacshunds, etc."- flipester
No Matter How, It'll End Badly...
There is absolutely nothing on planet Earth that the aliens can't find in more abundance elsewhere."
"Precious metals, gasses for fuel, assuming they don't have zero point energy or some sh*t that lets them get power from vacuum, and even water are all available in space and you can get this resources with zero resistance."
"So I don't think they would come here for any resources, unless they want our biosphere."
"Which, for all we know, could be abundant in the galaxy."
"If aliens do show up one day but turn out to be hostile, there is absolutely nothing we can do to stop them."
"If they have been coming here, if you believe in that sort of thing, they have been doing so for a VERY long time."
"They know everything about us, including our weaknesses and how to exploit them."
"Meanwhile, they are a species capable of FTL travel."
"Wiping us out would be as simple for them as flipping on a light switch."
"No jet-to-ship dog fights, no magical weak point to hit, no third-act secret weapon to save us."
"Just one press of that button and everything turns white--and then black."
'So if they do come to Earth, they would need a damn good reason to."
"If our luck is truly awful and they actually want something from us, we'd better pray that it's something that we don't have to fight over because we wouldn't stand a chance."- Armascribe
Commuting Area 51 GIF by Joseph HarmonGiphyNothing To worry About... I Hope...
"It’s possible that they are fat single-cell organisms just loafing around."- Literally_The_Best
It Might Not Be As Bad As We Think... It Will Probably Be Much MUCH Worse...
"For all we know, aliens might not be the 'little green men' that fly around in flying saucers and destroy us with laser beams."
"They could be an interstellar pathogen that shows up one day and silently and effortlessly kills us all without warning."
"Our immune systems would have no idea what hit them."- CaptainWisconsin
Emotional Disconnect
"Our human concepts of morality and empathy are heavily influenced by our mammalian biology."
"Imagine that aliens land, and instead of having nice little family units their species lays clutches of thousands of eggs at a time."
"They don't form strong bonds."
"Life is essentially expendable for them."
"They see us weeping over a dead child and they have literally no frame of reference for understanding why this would be upsetting."
"I'm not saying all aliens will be like this; but some definitely could be."- ToBePacific
alien GIFGiphyDon't Knock It Till You've Tried It?
"What if there really is valuable information to be gained from butt probes?"- HarlanCedeno·
Best To Have An Open Mind...
"The assumption that they come in groups in some flying saucer."
"For all we know they might just 'appear' in hordes of thousands of not millions all across the planet."
"Also, we like to think that aliens will share the same way of thinking as humans, i.e. reasoning, emotions, etc."
"But the only reason we think that is because that's the only thing we are familiar with."
"Aliens might have completely different emotions or thought processes than us but we won't know because we never encountered them before."
"It's like the 4th dimension."
"At this point it's pretty well established what it is but most of us, if not all, have no clue how to visualize or properly explain it."- JingleberryJohnson
alien GIFDidn't Occur To You Either, Did It?
"Extremely unlikely, I know, but if aliens ever come to Earth it likely means they are a space-faring and interstellar capable species with tech at least centuries, if not millennia, ahead of ours."
"In other words: if aliens are even remotely capable of traveling to our planet, we're pretty much outgunned hilariously."- WhereIsOldZealand
The Journey Wouldn't Be Worth It...
"The speed of light is 186,000 miles per second."
"I think that any aliens that are capable of traveling light years to reach us have no interest in our resources."- avatarlevel
They Could Be Trying To Help US?
"The scariest thing to me is thinking that aliens want nothing to do with us."
"I don't get why everyone thinks that aliens would attack us immediately."
"It's one thing if we come into their territory, but if they stumble upon us we're most likely safe."
"Them finding us would mean they are incredibly advanced."
Angry Alien Face GIF by wenjrGiphy"Anything they could get by attacking earth they could get far easier by harvesting it from a different planet in our solar system."
"Unless they feed specifically on brainwaves, it isn't worth the hassle to attack a planet teeming with life they may have some weapons, however primitive, that might be used against you."
"It's far more frightening to believe that aliens have/will one day discover us and won't be interested, They won't want us on their intergalactic counsels, they won't want to give us medicine, they won't want to form any bond."
"If they decide to just leave humanity alone, that means either they have decided we are not worth saving, or that we are too close to destruction to be worth the resources."- BombsNBeer
I'll Believe It When I See It...
"My main thing is that they'll bring a virus or something that'll just wipe us out coz we've never seen anything like it."
"Or we'll be immune coz it's too alien, who knows."
"But until there is actual proof that there are advanced aliens out there, I'll stick to the idea that they are bacterial cells on titan or something."- Libbymiss
We won't even know they came...
"That one day they will just wipe out our planet without us ever knowing why and that it will be so fast we don’t even realize it."
Marine Life Goodbye GIF by pikaoleGiphyThanks to the likes of H.G. Wells, Ridley Scott and others, it's easy to assume the worst about the possible existence of aliens.
Something to consider, which might help us sleep a bit easier at night, is that on some far-off galaxy, there is an extraterrestrial species, just as terrified of us, as we are of them.
Reddit user, LankyJeweler4925, wanted to be a little terrified when they asked:
"What was the scariest moment you’ve had on a date?"
First dates are already a cocktail of nerves and excitement. Odds are you might say something awkward and or not phrase something the way you pictured in your head, and that's cute, don't get us wrong.
And then there's saying or reacting the way these people did.
Classic "Shmosby"
"He said he was in love with me and he couldn't live without my scent. It was the first date. I didn't check if he's still alive lol"
Freckles1339
When Your Date Throws You Into The Line Of Fire...
"Dating an extroverted woman that convinced me to go out dancing/cubbing with her. She got drunk and started talking sh-t to some chicks and their boyfriends somehow and telling them that I would bear them up. The bouncers stepped in but they were mean mugging me all night. I thought I was going to get curb stomped or shot at coming out of the club."
BidDaddyFarts
There's a lot you can say about someone who gives off the following vibe on a first date.
None of it is good, but you can say a lot.
Asserting Imaginary Ownership
"He took me out to several different bars and was an @ss the whole night. Plunked me down in a seat and promptly ignored me. I struck up a conversation with the lady next to me. Her husband was talking to someone on my other side. My date comes up to me as the lady and I are exchanging numbers. He accuses me of trying to start a lesbian relationship, takes my phone, and leaves me at the bar. I had to walk back to his place to get my car."
"I knocked on my door and asked for my phone back. He gaslights me, telling me he didn’t have it and I must have dropped it. The next day I got my phone back and he got upset when I told him we weren’t seeing each other anymore. Sat outside my house a solid 5 minutes after I kicked him out."
MuffytheBananaSlayer
Overcompensating For Something
"I just turned 18 and met this guy at a job I was at. My long term partner had recently passed from a drug overdose and this guy invited me to a classic car show."
"I wasn’t really interested in him, but my parents said I should go. I decided why not. He complained because I didn’t wear a dress (first red flag)."
"Then, he asked me if I was afraid of guns. I said not really, I’ve shot them before."
"Well, he pulled out a pistol in the middle of the car drive. I was hours away from home with this guy that I just met, and he had a gun. This was at the beginning of the date."
"I tried to get him to take me home, but I had to spend several hours with him. I ended up getting away from him using the bathroom excuse and calling my parents."
"It was the worst and most frightening date I have ever been on."
Hello891011
GUNS
"I once hooked up with a guy while I was in college (I’m also a man) and, after we were finished, he started talking about guns and asked if I had ever held a pistol before. I said no and he pulled one out and handed it to me. I didn’t want it but he was super insistent and I just remember it being shockingly heavy. I handed it back and tried to be as cool as possible while leaving and going to the car."
"Told him I’d see him again, told him the gun was cool and thank you for letting me hold it, told him to text me soon, etc. Once I was gone I blocked his number and was more paranoid about who I slept with going forward."
Esosorum
And then there's these, stories so harrowing you almost wish the person never went out on the date to begin with. Doesn't matter if they ended up married in the end, no one should have their life threatened on a date.
Dude Needs To Work On His Pickup Lines
"i was once told in the car coming back from the date that i would look good in the coffin. i swear to god that i left his car in the middle of nowhere and yet i felt safer than sitting next to him."
awellintentionedmess
"Wtf that's some psycho sh-t. How did you leave?"
Biosentience
"literally jumped off. still i was nice. i told him i didn’t like what he had said to me and told him to pull over and then i left. i didn’t want to risk since there was a big covered plastic bag in the backseat with something in it. watching all these crime stories all my life made me being really conscious at that very moment. paid off. later in life i found out that there was an axe in this plastic bag."
awellintentionedmess
Be A Better Person Than This
"When I was 18 and naive, I went to the cinema with this guy from tinder and the whole time he kept touching my leg and trying to put his hand up my skirt. It gave me the ick and just wanted to leave."
"After the movie he dropped me home and I went upstairs to bed. About 10 minutes later I turn around and the guy from the date is stood in my bedroom threshold. I was home alone for the weekend too, so I started to panic."
"I asked him why he was in my room, and he said he needed the toilet, knocked but apparently I didn’t hear so he let himself in. At this point my heart was pounding in my chest and I didn’t know what to do."
"He said he had a really nice time and basically pushed me onto my bed and started kissing me. I pushed him away as nicely as possible and said my mum would be back in a minute."
"He then left and I locked the door behind him. I didn’t sleep that night and was terrified he’d break in or something."
smf101
A Happy Ending, At Least?
"I went on a date with a girl not knowing that her ex boyfriend was in a local Mexican gang. She had just broken up with him about a week prior… he didn’t take that well. On top of being a garbage human for physically and mentally abusing her, did I mention he was in a f-cking gang? She and I went out on a whole date, multiple places, back to her house to drop her off."
"I don’t realize until I’m leaving the parking lot of the restaurant we went to that we were being followed… all the way back to her house. I dropped her off, and the guy continued to follow me. Knowing I don’t go home, I make intensional turns and things to confirm he’s following, and he was. Called her, she said don’t go home and I’ll call you back."
"She called me back 20 minutes later after I drove through 2 different police stations and she said “you’re okay to go home now, just act normal” which isn’t sketchy at all. I went home, he followed and drove off… I walk to my apartment door and there’s 30+ Mexican gang members there and her cousin who’s in that gang, as well as her brother who isn’t but knows them. I had never met them before, so I was like I’m dying today. The brother asks how I’m doing, and said “just go inside, you’re good.”
"They stood outside my door and in my apartment complex for 4 hours and then went home after the brother knocked on my door and said that shouldn’t ever happen again."
"That girl I took on a date, ended up dating for 3 years and is now my wife and we had our first baby in September, and celebrated our first year of marriage last week."
MTB199262
“let’s go outside”
"I don’t want to make this story too long, but I met this guy on tinder that I really liked and we went out dancing and to get drinks. We were talking for weeks but this was our second time going out together. During the time we were talking, there were a lot of little red flags that would tell me he drank too much, but I was a lot younger and naive back then and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt."
"Any who out of no where he’s like 'let’s go outside' starts messing around on his phone and is telling me 'I’m trying to find us a way out of here' and said the guys standing by the door were after him. So I’m like okay, let’s go back to my car so maybe we can go somewhere else. My car was parked pretty far away because we had gone to multiple locations that night.. anyways he gets it into his head that multiple people are after him."
"Like random people on the street. Once we were in a part of downtown that wasn’t so busy, nobody around, he started to think that I was out to get him too. I was trying to call his friend (who was nearby) to come get him but he took my phone away from me because he thought I was calling the cops, and then he threatened me. I got scared because I thought 'if he hurts me here and leaves me here, nobody’s going to find me until morning' and it was pretty cold out."
"His friend eventually came and got him and I left. Once I was safe I was jittery all night from the anxiety having been in rocky relationships before. I told him about it the next morning and he didn’t remember any of it. I broke things off shortly after."
cheese007_
Bye...
Season 9 Smh GIF by The OfficeGiphy"Woman asked me back to hers, got there and she introduced me to her boyfriend....noped outta there."
Candy_Lawn
The Crazy One
"I was at a guy's house, it was like our 4th time meeting and we started getting a bit more touchy and kissed more, I said I was gonna head home around 12 as I had a long day and he got in my face and got super aggressive and angry about it, like a child having a tantrum asking me why I didn't want to stop over at his place, this guy was 6ft 6, huge muscular guy who could probably pick me up with one hand."
"I stood my ground and told him to stop overacting and respect my decision. After that blow up I never saw him again. Should have seen the flags as he always claimed his exs were crazy... looks like he was the crazy one."
spiralgalaxym83
Broken
"I took my date to the city from the burbs maybe a 15-20min ride. I was 17 and had an old S-Class Benz that I bought from my dad's friend an old timer who didn't use it too much and owed my dad some money for work on another car. The car ran like a dream and I loved it. We were on the way and traffic started to build up so I removed my foot from the gas and as I braked I noticed the gas pedal was stuck at about 60mph."
"Without thinking I reached down and tried to pull the pedal back. I did it just in time without her noticing. I didn't tell her anything and the date went spectacular. I damn near broke a rib bending like that. Don't forget to stretch kids it could save your life."
Jenghrick
Get Sober
"Was on a date with a girl who proceeded to get very drunk, by the time we finished eating I had to carry her out. Honestly I didn’t notice she was that drunk during the date. Probably cause she was Korean and her English wasn’t very good, that and I was a horny early 20 something I kind of just assumed she was being silly on purpose."
"Well she was so drunk I had to walk her like 9 blocks to where I had parked the car since we had done some window shopping before settling on a restaurant. I have never felt more stress than walking a nearly blackout very attractive Korean girl 9 blocks in the middle if the city with people all down the street giving me looks. I honestly wanted to take a less popular street to avoid the looks but thought that would for sure look way creepier."
_Steve_French_
Oh Well
Shrek Film Smile GIF by PeacockTVGiphy"First date with my wife she took me off roading and when we went over a hill into a dip a donkey was just chilling in the middle of the trail, we drove off the trail and finally came to a stop without hitting any of the car sized boulders that are common in that area. The donkey just stood there the entire time not giving AF."
Peelboy
Walk On By
"We were walking by a river and he said « don’t worry i won’t drown you today » Safe to say i didn’t go out with him again."
zestygerman
Dumb Move
"We were driving past a police station. She was looking for something in her bag. Placed a big bag of weed on the dashboard, with cops outside. This was well before the acceptance and legalization of it. Not that it would have mattered as it was not a small bag. No one saw it, but what a dumb move on her part."
TheBklynGuy
Hi Mom
"I recently went on a second date with a girl (we’re both in our mid-late 20s) at a café and 20 minutes in a middle-aged woman at the table next to us just butted into the conversation. I was kinda confused until she introduced herself as the mother, and then she proceeded to hang out at the table for like 5-10 minutes before leaving. It was incredibly awkward, and although I kinda smoothed past it in the moment it did weird me out that her mom was just spying on us without me knowing, and the daughter never acknowledged her either until she joined in."
Nowhere
"There is a popular beach near my university, and you need to drive though a road that looks like it takes you to the middle of nowhere. Freshman me didn't know this, and I swear I thought I was going to die during that 10 minute drive."
pups_and_doggos
Be open. Be honest. Be your true self. These are the simplest ways for you to make a real connection on a first date.
Unless being honest means taking a gun out. Just, don't.