I like sex but I'm pretty even keeled about it. I'm not traveling miles for you. It's a brisk walk or see ya later.
TWICE!!
Driving Rush Hour GIFGiphy"Drove 3400 miles round trip, from Colorado to Philadelphia, TWICE."'
Immediate-Hunt4189
"Bro you’re making me feel bad about hesitating to drive 125 miles for a booty call."
matsudasociety
Languages...
"Spent a whole evening with a guy who I had no common language with. It'd just be boring as a social thing."
proximalfunk
"I 'dated' a girl for a few months who I had no languages in common with. Had to bring a mutual friend that spoke both our languages to a few events until I picked up enough to somewhat communicate. But hey, the sex was amazing."
PrideRSL
Get Back!!
"Bought a toy online that turned out to be too wide. I had no experience with them and no clue what the normal circumference for a penis is, but I took the plunge anyway. I'd never been more confused in my life when I unpackaged that thing."
SquilliamFancySon95
Excuse Me?
Nbc Idk GIF by Good GirlsGiphy"Had sex with a woman through a chain link fence when incarcerated."
ExKnockaroundGuy
Wow. People really need more cold showers and meditation.
“the hell did we do?!?”
"Intoxicated Horny Me once brought an ex (several years after an ugly, protracted breakup no less…)."
"Home from the bar. Woke up the next morning like 'the hell did we do?!?' and sent her on her merry. A few days later i was receiving calls and emails about fraudulent charges on several of my cards. Canceled them and requested new plastic, wrote it off as a lesson learned, and went on with life a touch more wisely than before."
FelDreamer
"you up?"
"Stole my buddy's truck. I was staying at his place after a party. He was asleep when I got the late night 'you up?' text. I had rode there with another friend so I didn't have my car. I grabbed the first set of keys I could find, drove to her place, did the deed, and went back to his place to sleep. I never did tell him about it."
maggot_b_nasty
"Uh huh."
"Say some crap, some girls who like dirty talk are always surprised the first time and want to gush about it afterwards because they’re so fascinated or something but I’m like 'I don’t know what you mean, that was another me.'"
santichrist
"You're exactly like my wife. She loves hearing me get as filthy as possible, but when I try to get her to respond the best she can usually manage is 'Uh huh.' I love that woman to pieces but she is terrible at seduction of any kind."
FullTorsoApparition
Randos
Season 5 Flirt GIF by FriendsGiphy"Literally left a club by myself with a random man I had just met and then we had sex in his restaurant. To be fair I did also get free wine and cheese cake."
carolion98
"normal me"
"Can't say I do much dirty talk when I'm 'normal me.' Some of the stuff I have said at peak horny. Although sometimes I call my car a dirty sl*t when I get it washed. Just whatever comes out in the heat of the moment honestly. It can be about nothing in particular, but if both parties are in to it then it's a fun time. Personally I don't get super creative, it generally pretty generic 'Yeah you like that?' 'F**k you feel so good' etc. Then post sex you sort of thing to yourself 'What the hell was I talkin' about!?!'"
Jdsudz
Pillow Face
"In 7th grade Home Economics, we learned how to make pillows. Our teacher provided the materials, we picked our own design, and started sewing and stuffing. My pillow was just a smiley face with 3 eyes like from that movie Evolution that was popular back in 2003 or so."
"Anyway, we got to keep the pillow after it was graded and I took it home with me. Apparently I sucked at the pillow because it had a tiny hole in the back where I could reach in and feel all the soft cotton that was used for stuffing. Of course I used that pillow to fornicate with."
Tru-Queer
Walmart First
"Got a call late at night from a woman I was talking to to come over. Told me to drop by Walmart to pick up some stuff first including some anti nausea meds. Being horny, I don’t give it a second thought. Once I get there, she’s clearly looking a little worn out and under the weather. She chugs the pepto bismol and leads me to her bedroom where she tries to seduce me but then has to run to the bathroom."
"After that kills the mood, she tells me to stay overnight and promptly falls asleep with my arm under her. So I end up lying next to a sick person with my arm pinned under her and who’s farting every so often for some hours. Not the best situation to fall asleep in. Probably got 30min of actual sleep the rest of that night and still had to work a full shift in the morning."
chewytime
Bad Decisions
"For some reason, every GOOD relationship decision I had was done by my d**k, and every BAD relationship decision I had was done by my supposedly intelligent and rational mind. It's basically like Im blind to red flags and green flags alike, and my d**k is my assistance dog."
Freevoulous
All the Colors
"Normal me is scared of clowns. Horny me stumbled across some clown porn the other day. The rest is history."
mwootey316
"I went to a circus once and there were normal clowns performing, and then over to one side, hot clowns. Like, beautiful women done up like clowns. Big shoes and thigh-high socks. Long multicolored curly hair. Carefully applied clown makeup. I'm still a bit confused."
Idiot_Savant_Tinker
The Split
Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy"My ex girlfriend after we split up."
ThatPoolGuy
"Remember. If you split up with someone (like a legitimate breakup), there's a reason that happened. Don't be fooled again."
SurealGod
To Sydney
"16 year old me traveled across the country to lose my virginity. $800 later, I did it, came home and went about wishing I still had the 800 for a new graphics card. 2009 was wild. Jetstar flights at the time were around $249 from Sydney to Perth, got a return for 600(ish) with all the fees and charges. Spend another 200 while I'm there for the few days."
"Second most expensive root I've ever had. The first being the $1500 I spent in bringing her to Sydney for 2 weeks and realising she's a witch and did everything in her power to make the 2 weeks a living misery. Good times."
Vivectus
Life Wrecker
Jason Segel Dancing GIFGiphy"So many stupid mistakes. Guys, never trust your d*ck. Your d*ck doesn't give a **it about you or your life. It is perfectly happy to wreck your life to get what it wants."
coercedaccount2
"I say a lot of stupid crap while I'm horny the the next morning I wake up and read my messages like damn I actually have to follow up on what I said now huh."
AstroFFA
The Ex
"Ex-wife of 6 years wanted me back one three separate occasions after divorcing me. She left me again after a month of seeing each other each time. During those months she’d exclaim how much she has changed and how in love she is with me. Each time I kept thinking 'in the very long run, this could be good for us and the kids' but honestly it’s just pathetic on my part to continuously give it a chance when it arises."
"And it’s funny cause each time she went silent, got a new boyfriend, then blamed it all on me for leaving. She cheated on me during our marriage and blamed me for it, and I believed her.. Horny me kept thinking 'I’ll never find someone as attractive as her, I gotta find a way to work it out'…. Jesus that’s a terrible mindset. She was f**kin' hot as hell, but man is she crazy."
RustyToaster206
Oh sex can make us do and say... crazy things. It's part of the fun.
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