People Break Down What Absolutely Ruins A Good Burger For Them
Most people love a good burger, and many, many American restaurants serve them, but not all burgers are created equal.
Super tall burgers that are hard to eat, way too much sauce (or only a tiny bit of sauce on the middle of the bun), soggy lettuce — there are lots of ways to ruin a burger.
Redditor TheKeyMaster365 asked:
"What Instantly Ruins A Burger For You?"
Bad Tomatoes
"Nothing kills a burger faster than a bad tomato"
- EccentricEngineer
"Tomato can be okay if you're eating it right now but tomato on it togo burger or sandwich almost always makes the bread soggy."
- sploittastic
"I don't object to the taste of tomato in a burger, but I despise the actual tomatoes themselves. They're too slippery, so they always end up squeezing out and, somehow, falling on anything except the plate."
- AmazingSpacePelican
"When the tomato has that hard area in the middle (the core I guess?). Gross."
- breadfan1988
Lack of Structural Integrity
"Poor construction. When it flies out the other end. Stick everything together with a blob of sauce."
- IAmStevie420
"Too much sauce can make the bun disintegrate and it becomes a soggy mess."
- caligaris_cabinet
"You’ve identified an important problem but I’m not sure about the effectiveness of the proposed solution"
- aspannerdarkly
Too Much Sauce
"I do enjoy sauces on a burger, but to a point. If I end up having to hold a soggy mess, I'm not going to enjoy the burger nearly as much."
"Also tall burgers. The two also go together to make an awful burger experience"
- krispyboiz
"If I have to wipe/clean my hands after every bite, it is an unpleasant experience."
- meatpipeline
"I hate it when the first bite launches a glob of sauce out the other end."
- Mataraiki
"I feel the same way and thought I was in the minority. If I pick up a burger, take a bite, and immediately need 4-5 napkins, it's not worth it."
- CrochetyNurse
Old Lettuce
"Watery old lettuce. One time I got a burger with terrible lettuce.. it tasted like it came straight out of a lake.. from then I avoid that place saying 'they have lake lettuce.'"
- heckpants
"Limp, watery, garbage lettuce ruins so many things. If you can't get quality lettuce, please leave it off! Restaurants sneak it on without putting it on the menu and you can't just take it off because the wateriness has already soaked into everything else."
- fraud_imposter
Hard-boiled Egg
"I once ordered a breakfast burger that was advertised as having, among other toppings, 'egg.' I imagine a nice fried egg or at least a scrambled egg patty of sorts. No, the monstrosity that came out had a quartered, hard-boiled egg on it. Just terrible - what self-respecting chef would serve that?"
- jokinglyserious1
"Filing this under 'things that feel illegal'"
- theonelittledid
"As someone in the industry, a breakfast lover, and a burger lover, this is honestly one of the most offensive things I've seen on reddit."
- Starscream5
Runaway Patty
"When the patty slips out the other side."
- F35LTNG
"This is a corollary to the massive height complaint. Make a burger wide, not tall, and it won't slip out."
- soulcaptain
"PSA: The toothpick on top of your burger is not for decoration, but they are a functional tool to prevent the contents to fall out."
- moxedana02
Humans Can't Unhinge Their Jaws
"Being too big to fit in your mouth. Pointless. Might as well just throw it all on a plate, and call it 'deconstructed burger'"
- gallows4p0werm0ds
"Yeah, make burgers wider not taller."
- PPLifter
"If I gotta unhinge my jaw like a snake to eat something, I'm not ordering it. It's incredibly annoying and a lot of work. A burger should be a hand held food. If I need a knife and fork, what's the point?"
- megaloduh
"I’ve had a few burgers in my time where I have actually just taken it apart and put it on my plate to slowly eat. It is frustrating."
- TL3490
Soggy Buns
"Wet untoasted bun"
- Ruminations0
"Nothing worse than taking a bite of a soggy bun. Also the reason why I don’t like tomatoes in my burger"
- Pelagius_Hipbone
"Looking at you, Five Guys. $20 burger and it's not even toasted. They tell me it is, but why is it a soggy mess only a couple minutes after it was made?"
"Untoasted bread is acceptable, just a matter of choice. Now, a burger where bread is all soggy because there's tomato or wet lettuce touching it is almost a negligence by the person who made it."
- HYPERNOVA3_
Too Much Conversation
"People that want to talk while I'm eating a burger."
- BlowFrog303
"And then gets mad when you don't respond... Like can't you see I'm chewing?!.."
- IdkTheMeaningOfLife
"I have a mate who, whenever we go for a burger, all of a sudden feels the need to start asking me all these questions about my personal life as soon as I start eating:"
"'What your dad up to at the moment?'"
"'Have you been to your brother's house lately?'"
"'What sort of stuff has your mum been doing since she retired?'"
"'Is your brother still in touch with his ex?'"
"I'm one of those people who sort of gets into a zone while eating so firing a load of questions at me very much kills the 'vibe' I'm on!"
- thisishardcore_
My Wallet Hurts
"When they cost $20+"
- cuttingwoodisfun
"Yeah, I’m fine paying $20 if it’s something good. Bison burger for $18? F*ck yeah! Even just something like local grass fed beef. F*ck yeah!"
- UnbrandedContent
"I went to a burger place by me once, got a burger, loaded fries, and one beer. It wasn’t a sit down place, you order at the counter like it’s fast food but they give you a number to take and they bring your food to the table."
"It was $40. There’s a reason I only went once, and the burger was good but not $40 good."
- Old-Sor
"That does certainly make a burger, no matter how delicious, unappetizing 😵💫"
- TheKeyMaster365
Burgers Are Supposed To Be Boneless
"Bits of bone! I regularly bite down on these at Camino. I kept giving them the benefit of the doubt and tried again multiple times but I haven’t been back in a while because of it."
"This a the real answer. A chunk of bone will ruin your trust in burgers for a very long time."
- HubertFiorentini
"Wow! This brought back some repressed trauma. I bit into a burger over 20 years ago, and it had a bone chip in it. Biting into that (not expecting it) caused my tooth to crack. That tooth later became impacted and lead to the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. That was the worst burger by a long shot."
- rejectedstone
Why Is There So Much Bread?
"A dry bun or too much bun."
- mazlux
"100% … Bun to meat to topping ratio is paramount."
- djdaddyb
"Brioche. Brioche is a terrible choice for a burger bun and I don't understand why everyone is using it these days. Brioche is basically bread make with low-protein flour and lots of eggs."
"Also known as: CAKE, just drier and without any of the chew and texture of a properly made bread roll. Brioche sucks ass and that trend needs to die."
- RockleyBob
Cheese Should Be Melty
"Unmelted cheese - imagine taking your first bite and everything is warm and fresh, then your teeth hit a f*cking ice block."
- miraclechu
"this is why I dislike cheeseburgers. I avoid cheese on mine. and people think I’m f*cking weird."
- Synner40
Unwanted Toppings
"Pickles when I asked for no pickles."
- FrumundaMabawls
"And you can’t just pick em off. The whole fu*kin burger is contaminated if a pickle touches it."
- pyroboy101
"Same thing with mustard. No ... you can't just scrape it off."
- Beard_o_Bees
Making a good burger doesn't seem like it would be very hard, but there's a lot of ways things can go very wrong.
Now it's your turn. What absolutely ruins a burger for you? Let us know in the comments below.
The simple hamburger has come a long way from being topped solely with lettuce, tomato and onions.
Indeed, many New Yorker's go to great lengths to replicate Shake Shack's addictive "shack sauce" to top their burgers.
While west coasters know to order their In-N-Out Burger's "Animal Style" to get the added grilled onions, thousand island sauce and extra pickles on a mustard grilled bun.
But these are relatively simple compared to many other variations on the simple, All-American hamburgers, as everything from a blue cheese, barbecue burger to a Kung-Pow shrimp burger can be found on menus all over the world.
And while some of these seemingly questionable experimentations proved to pay off handsomely, others most definitely did not.
Making pineapple on pizza seem positively tame.
"We argue about pizza toppings all the time, but what burger crimes have you witnessed?"
Size Doesn't Matter...
"Burgers that are too tall."
"I don’t want to dislocate my jaw eating that thing."
"Make burgers wide not tall."- like5or6
It's Not A Burger Without A Bun.
"Having toppings that make the buns soggy or just fall off when you try to take a bite out of it."- Whappingtime
Say Cheese!
"Those stupid 'food porn' burgers where they pour melted cheese allover the bloody thing."- BlightWhore
nacho cheese ooze GIFGiphyNot So "Deliciously Different"...
"Used to work at Wendy's."
"I was taking orders this guy wants a triple baconator, ok."
"He asked for some sauces on the side, all right pretty normal."
"Gets 2 ranches and ghost pepper ranch and some hot honey."
"Nothing else, ok."
"Asks for extra onions and extra cheese."
"How much cheese you ask?"
"8 slices."
"Now, the triple baconator is a pretty big boy but its not big enough for all that cheese ok but hey he's paying, none of my business."
"Guy pulls around hand him his food asks if he needs anything like ketchup napkins or some more sauces."
"Gets some ketchup."
"Now, this man holds up the line for a while to open up his cold cheese monster and deconstructs it to create this wet saucey nightmare bites into it verbally goes 'MMMMM' and leaves."
"I'll never live that down."- TrashGorlUwU
Danny Green Sport GIF by Philadelphia 76ersGiphySome Take Their Burgers Very Seriously...
"There's a burger joint that the owner/chef was kind of a 'burger nazi'."
"Can't alter the burger with substitution or additional topings."
"Can't cook it any way except for Med Well."
"Can't cut it."
"The waitress actually told me if he sees a customer cut his burger he'll ask they never come back again."- shaka_sulu
Must Have Looked Pretty...
"Cheeseburger, but with sweet blueberries inside the patties."- Zelnite
It's All About The Packaging...
"I don't get those sugar glazed donuts or cinnamon bagel burgers."
"Also, living in an Asian country."
"We got rice patties clumped up and toasted and they become the bread."
"I'm not a fan."
"Give me a good brioche-like bread to sop up all the secret sauce."-
Dance Dancing GIF by matthewjocelynGiphyThey Do Things Differently Down Under...
"This comment may only make sense to Aussies."
"Got a steak burger with the lot from a new lunch bar that opened up near my work."
"When I went to eat I noticed they forgot the fried egg."
"No biggie I eat it anyway but next time I went in I mentioned they forgot the fried egg last time."
"They looked horrified and asked who on earth puts fried egg on a burger."
"Um, everyone?"
"That's why it's called 'the lot' is it not?"
"Apparently they've never heard of it."- MrsFlip
Plain old ketchup just isn't good enough for some people.
Even so, the fact that McDonald's, Burger King and Sonic have yet to put blueberries on a burger should be pretty telling...
The Most Unconventional Ingredients That Work Surprisingly Well On A Burger
The simple hamburger has come a long way.
Indeed, over time, people have begun to elevate it far beyond a simple ground beef patty with ketchup, maybe lettuce, tomato and onions.
From the special sauce at Shake Shack, to Daniel Boulud's $30 multi-tiered burger, the variations on the simple burger are far too many to mention.
And likely will only grow, as some people will believe that just about anything can work on a hamburger.
While some experiments haven't and likely won't pay off, other ingredients which one might immediately think have no place on a burger prove to be just the ticket.
"What unconventional ingredient belongs in a burger?"
Taking Potato Bun To A Whole New Level
"One time I didn't have buns for a burger so I put tater tots in my waffle iron and used that as a bun."
"Holy. Ish. Was delish."- HamHockShortDock
tater tots GIFGiphyFor Those Who Like It Spicy...
"Green Chile, although I don’t think it is unconventional just not common unless you’re in New Mexico."- hawkjc19
Already A Hit Down Under!
"In Australia it isn't unusual to see a slice of beetroot included."
"I've not seen it in any other countries I've visited.'- GeriatricFart
Whelp...here in New Zealand sometimes we put pickled beetroot in a burger. Sweet and sour deliciousness - Reddit
An Apple A Day...
"Thin slice of fried Granny Smith."
"Goes really well with cheese."- blujeh
Going Green...
"Lime tomatillo sauce."- dishdoer
Going International!
"I love making weird burgers."
"Taco burger night."
"Fill that patty up with peppers onions and swap ketchup for salsa."
"Greek night."
"Let’s get feta cheese olives and grape leaves, It’s a burger."
"Even if you f**k it up it’s still pretty good."- SunnySideUp369852
The Farm To Table Burger!
"Goats cheese, rocket and Portobello mushrooms."- Boho_Oddity
psilocybin mushrooms shrooms GIFGiphyGetting "Figgy" With It...
"Fig marmalade."- Nacho_Beardre·
Toppings And Sauce All In One!
"Kimchi because it's crunchy but unlike lettuce it's full of flavor."
"Doesn't work on every burger though."- AudiaLucus
There's certainly nothing wrong with those who prefer their burgers to only have ketchup and mustard on them.
But don't be surprised if the next time you're invited to a backyard barbecue, you'll be served an ostrich burger on a pretzel bun with crispy onions and a blue cheese balsamic sauce.
Which, in all likelihood, will be one of the least unusual burgers you've ever had down the line...