People Who Have Been Called Out For Ghosting Someone Share Their Side Of The Story
I can explain.
All you have to do is say.... "I'm just not that into you!" "I've moved on." "I will call the police, go away!" Ghosting is so petulant and it only causes more harm then good. Just explain, even a quick... "not now. NOT EVER!" I know life gets hectic and really, we don't owe people anything, but shedding a little light and a little decency goes a long way. And PS... if you're the one whose been ghosted....take a hint and move on. Be grateful you dodged a bullet.
Redditor u/till-mann wanted some answers, answers we've all been waiting for.... they asked.... People who are ghosting other people, have you ever been called out, if so, how did that make you feel?To Grandparent's House
My biological brother was ghosted by the woman his father was dating, who fathered 3 kids with her. I was adopted and so didn't meet my brother until our 30s when i heard this.
Apparently our dad was awful, so it's good I was adopted out but, my brother lived through the worst of it. My brother was 14, living with his dad, the girlfriend and the 3 young boys they had together when his dad was killed in a drunk driving accident ( he was the drunk).
My brother came home from school one day shortly after and she had packed up the whole house and just left without telling him he guesses because he wasn't her responsibility. At 14 he came back to an empty house. He had to call his grandparents 3 hours away to come get him.
Horrible. He built a good life for himself since but can you even imagine what that must be like??
Enough was Enough
This happened recently. I had a friend I had known for 25+ years. We wound up at the same company and realized we lived very close. She was all into office gossip and talked trash about people I liked. I asked her to stop. Any obstacle I was facing was dismissed because she had been through worse. When I needed to talk to someone about personal struggles I was having, she would talk over me and change the subject to her issues. This went on for a few years.
I would hang up after talking to her and question why I bothered. Finally, I had enough. I ghosted her and after few months, she reached out to me via text. I replied and told her why. I was not cruel, just honest. Now I am 'mean and hurtful'. I blocked her and am not regretting this at all. I think about her and hope all is well. I just needed to sever the ties.
He actually reached out and apologized after a while, so that was nice of him, but it doesn't take away how much it hurt.
My way of thinking is if someone ghosts you, let the dead rest. No point in chasing after someone who doesn't want to be chased.
How Dare I?
An old ex from college got in touch with me via FB, which was lovely and a tiny bit concerning. Had a great time catching up, getting in touch with old friends from college via this exchange (seriously, this was the best part of that), etc.. His life turned out pretty much as I expected - numerous divorces, presumably some infidelity on his part, etc.
Several months into our very polite chats, he suddenly shifts gears hard.
He's spouting Birther nonsense, trying to get me to leave my husband for him (literally haven't seen this ex in 20+ years) and no way in hell is that going to happen. I blocked him on social media and didn't think twice about it afterwards.
About six months later, our mutual college friends start haranguing me about why I'd ghosted the ex while he was deployed in Afghanistan, how dare I ghost a veteran who needed our support, etc. and how hurt my ex was that I'd cut off our friendship.
Oh boy.
Here's the thing. I kept a screenshot of his crap to show my husband. And each time one of my college friends started in with that nonsense, I sent them the screenshot. One of the guys was so pissed, he told my ex that if he didn't stop backstabbing, they'd send it to his current wife. :D
Haven't heard anything since - going on 8 years now. I don't expect to.
Forgiveness
Oh hey, I can answer this. This happened 9 years ago, when I was a teenager. I had started dating a guy who I really, really liked. He did not like my best friend, and would often make fun of her. I felt like my friendship with her was coming to an end anyway because we were drifting apart, so I didn't stop him. His toxic behavior actually made me start resenting her.
Eventually, I just ghosted her. Left her on read. Never hung out with her anymore. We didn't go to the same school, so I just never saw her.
She sent me a looong message asking why was I not talking to her? Did she make me mad, did she do something wrong? It was a really heartbreaking message, and I pretty much told her that I felt like we weren't close anymore, that I was in a good relationship and I didn't feel like we were friends anymore. She responded by basically saying she understood with a sad face.
I didn't talk to her for almost a year. I'm not sure what the push was (I was still dating the guy), but I missed her and I texted her a very long message apologizing and groveling. That I was wrong and stupid, not sure what came over me, etc.
She forgave me. I don't know why, I pulled a really crappy move and I know I did it when she was at a low point. I'm so extremely grateful that she decided to give me another chance. We're still best friends to this day. But her confronting me when I initially ghosted her was absolutely miserable and heartbreaking. I still feel like such a piece of crap for it.
2 Out....
I'm currently ghosting two friends. They are a married couple that wanted to bring me into the relationship. It didn't end well and after two months of not speaking to each other, they reached out again. I was willing to reestablish only friendship. But they still were pushing for me to be romantic with the wife. I was pretty uncomfortable and felt anxious about it, especially after the fallout, and decided for everyone's safety and wellbeing, I needed to block them.
They sorely lacked adequate communication for a three-way relationship and were pretty manipulative with me and used my naivety and trust in them to get what they wanted.
Sometimes, ghosting is the answer. Not always. If there's a chance to discuss it rationally, then do it. But if you don't have that chance, ghost.
EDIT TO ADD: I consider this ghosting because I cut contact without an explanation on seemingly good (in their POV) terms. I've always thought that is what ghosting was. The only time I expressed I wanted their friendship was when we initially reconnected after the fight. After that, they began pursuing me again and I decided to completely block them without talking to them about it further.
Why do you hate me?
Okay, I wouldn't call it ghosting... but, I sometimes don't like talking to my mom. We have a very strained relationship and sometimes it's better for my own mental health to just not engage.
Anyway, one time I was legitimately at the gym with my trainer and didn't answer.
She left a voicemail that said, "You ALWAYS have your phone on and answer when (bf) calls or texts. Why do you hate me so much?"
I am a 32 year old mother of 3, raising my kids and my boyfriend's son. I'm busy. I'm tired. I just want to be left alone.
It's Me...
benedict cumberbatch drinking GIFGiphyWhen things aren't going well in my life, I turn inward and isolate myself.
I'm not good at receiving support and therefore I avoid people when i'm not doing well. It makes me ghost the people I care about and then suddenly contact them again and the cycle continues.
I've been called out on it and i'm honest. I'm sure it's hurtful and it makes me feel awful but I don't know how to be anything but the happy supportive friend that you'll get close to and i'll disappear when I can't be that.
It's Not You
I was low-key dating/hanging out with this guy that started ghosting me. After a while I texted and just asked him to honestly tell me what was up. He explained in great detail that he met someone else and had fallen hard for her. He apologized sincerely for being a fool by ghosting and I actually really appreciated some brutal honesty for once. I've dated so many morons that would lie about everything or gaslight me that I aways prefer the harshest truth now.
After dating her for two weeks, my father passed away.
I told her up front that I am not in a good place emotionally, wasn't comfortable sharing my grieving process with someone I had just met, and that I couldn't promise I would still be open to dating anyone in the near future.
She called me out for ghosting her a month later.
Want one, Lexi?
I've ghosted, but usually don't get called out. I used to be honest, but having more than one dude call me names for not thinking they were a good match killed that habit.
Worst was a dude I'd gone on a couple dates with. He was nice enough, just a little too odd and clingy. Insisted on picking me up - I refused and met him instead. Insisted on driving me to the theater between dinner and the movie. I refused again. Then acted weird in the theater, yelling at people if they so much a coughed.
After the movie, he was bold enough to go for a kiss. I did the cheek turn thing, then left. In the twenty minutes it took me to get home, there were over a dozen texts, each one more frantic than the last because I hadn't replied yet.
I immediately noped out, and ghosted. For weeks I got messages before he told me "he thought I was better than this". But then I'd get the odd text like he was testing the water. The weirdest was "Mmm. Shamrock shake. Want one, Lexi?"
I'm very glad he didn't have my home address.
Hurtful
My (adopted) aunt. Her and her biological sister came home from school one day to find that their parents packed up the house and moved without them. She was probably 15 at the time. She called her best friend (my biological aunt) and my grandparents let her move in with them, eventually legally adopting her. I can't even imagine the hurt and confusion she felt. She's still friends with her sister and I believe she eventually got back into contact with her biological parents.
I said No
Sad Baby GIFGiphyI only ghosted him after he asked me out and I declined and he became hostile. Then he started throwing more tantrums and eventually went to my friends and asked them to stop being friends with me so yes I was wrong for not blocking him immediately.
In my Head
I'm a ghoster. I feel terrible about it. I mean to write, and mean to write, then time has passed so I have to write something really good, then more time passes but it is around my birthday or a holiday so looks weird if I reach out then.
So I communicate daily with you in my head, many apologies and conversations. My anxiety just gets overwhelming.
If you contact me I will usually respond to the branch gladly.
Change it....
I have ghosted a couple girls. I did it because I didn't feel I wanted to pursue the relationship. I should of told them how I felt straight up. One girl I ghosted I ran into a couple months later at a bar she told me how hurt she was and I felt like a complete asshole. Changed my perspective completely and haven't done it since and will not ever do it again. Just tell them your honest feelings and you're much better off.
Sorry
Sorry Shame GIF by reactionseditorGiphyI've been ghosting this girl I liked and she hasn't noticed because I'm the one who always starts the conversation (I now know that I'm not technically ghosting her please stop commenting that).
It's Not Me
It made me feel like crap to be honest. That's not who I am but at the time I was going through a rough patch in a relationship and my home life wasn't great either. Being alone felt like the only option at one point until a good friend I ghosted expressed his concerns.
Done with You
I'm currently "ghosting" this girl that has been manipulating me for months. i was attached to her so much that she could just withhold affection until i did what she wanted. and she had me convinced that the reason she was so stingy with her love was because i was doing something wrong or i just wasn't good enough.
I met someone else and i've been giving the first girl the could shoulder ever since. she facetimed me the other night, wasted, crying that i don't love her as much as i used to. i corrected her; "that's not true, i actually don't love you anymore at all."
She texts and snaps me regularly trying to apologize. i think she means it. but i have no intention of responding and risking letting her back into my life. rather not have her in my life as a constant reminder of all the suffering i went through because of her abuse.
At Christmas
I was close friends with someone at work for 17 years (seventeen!!) Then the school we worked in closed, and we were moved to different schools. For the first 4 months, I made all the effort in staying connected. After Christmas break, I just stopped. It took her 6 weeks to reach out to me. That was a really hard time.
I was never called out on it, but I deeply regret that I hurt someone that meant a lot to me. I take full responsibility for my actions. I think ego defense mechanisms play a part in situations where you don't have a real good reason for what you did. You just build a wall and start running. But it eventually catches up with you.
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Sometimes, your best friend can accidentally become a toxic relationship.
That toxicity can take many forms. Co-dependency, emotional manipulation, cheating, backstabbing--unfortunately sometimes, it just happens.
u/Lo-Fi_Kuzco asked:
[SERIOUS] People who ghosted their best friend, why?
Here were some of those answers.
Alcoholism Is Real
He spiraled out of control with alcohol for a while and he's an angry drunk so I blocked him for a month. He was a jerk to everyone during that time, so it became apparent to him that he can't get drunk anymore. Now everything's better.
When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them
Her boyfriend started spreading rumours that I slept with him after I turned him down over snapchat (messages deleted though so no proof.) apparently he told the whole school and she confronted me after a week.
I told her that if she believed her boyfriend of 9 days over her friend of 7 years, that I don't want to be around her.
She texted me last year, told me he admitted everything to her when they broke up (3 months after the rumour). I never responded.
Don't Knock My Life Bro
I visited said friend and his wife for his 30th. The entire time I was there all they talked about was how long it had been since I last visited and not in a fun and happy way.
This was also the trip where they got to meet my wife. But still, all they talked about was how long it had been and that I was a quitter for deciding to in a different direction with my life. I worked completely different hours from him and at the time had very little time-off I could take to visit.
After that trip, I was done.
Selfishness All The Way
Unhealthy relationship, we would always do what she wanted and whatever I wanted was put on the back burner. Started from primary school and ended slightly after high school where I realized that I was worth more.
She never cared about me, or my feelings. I literally just walked away from her after she once again changed my plans to suit her and never spoke to her again.
She never even tried to find out what was wrong... some friend!
I Was A Teenage Toxic
I don't know. In some cases I've been ghosted. Maybe I ghosted a few people. It seems like it is just something that happens as you grow older, get married, have kids, stress about work, stress about bills, blah, blah, blah. I'll admit that having little interaction with people makes life a bit easier for me.
I will also admit in one case that I had a terrible crush on my friend and my attachment was inappropriate and unhealthy. She ended up getting married and I did not attend the festivities; that ended it.
No Excuse For Destruction Of Property
My best friend of twelve years destroyed my computer because he found out on facebook that his girlfriend was cheating on him while he was using it.
I kicked him out of my house and told him he was only welcome back if he paid me for the damage he caused. It's been over a decade and he still hasn't paid. As a result I haven't talked to him since.
Exit SR
I used to be best friends with this girl who used to lie a lot. She would lie about innocuous things like how much money she made etc. It was obvious that she was lying but I went along with it because I figured that she was insecure and that it made her feel better I guess...?
Eventually, it got to a point where she started lying about things in order to make me feel bad. For example:
I am registered with accessibility services at school for my mental health issues. I was granted extra time on tests etc.
She told me that the fact I am registered with accessibility services would appear on my transcript and that I wouldn't get a job. That is 100% a lie. That is not true at all.
At first, I didn't understand why she would lie about stuff like that. Then it dawned on me that she was trying to sabotage my self-esteem so that she would be more successful than me.
I have a mental illness. It's not a joke, it's not funny. It's a severely debilitating thing to live with. I ghosted her after that. Sometimes I feel badly about it but I got a real bad feeling about her.
Anybody Who Is Mean To A Puppy Deserves Nothing
He had a dog for about 2-3 years and wanted to get rid of it because it peed on his leather couch and was okay with just taking it to the pound where it could have been euthanized. He also made it seen like it was my problem if I didn't help him re-home it. I felt it was a completely heartless thing to do since it was a minor training issue and even though my friend was a d!ck, that dog loved him and was his whole world. I stopped talking to him completely and handed him his spare key I had to help with said dog, apparently it took me doing all that for him to realize what a jerk he was and decided to keep the dog. He still has him to this day, I helped with training the dog, but haven't had much contact with the friend since.
Important To Detox
Because everyone and everything around her was toxic according to her. I couldn't say anything positive about almost anything or anyone without her getting defensive and telling me how toxic they were. Myself and another mutual friend slowly realized that she took anyone not agreeing with her or wanting to be her best friend as them hating her and it just got to the point where hanging out with her left us on the defensive the entire time.
We both slowly ghosted because we are all in the same grad program and social group and knew if we actually said anything to her she's make it into a huge drama and possibly affect our other friendships. Slowly ghosting over time made it seem like we were naturally just fading away and has made the end of our friendship a lot less drama-filled.
When You're Tired--It's Time
I couldn't handle it anymore. I realized he was using me to feel better about himself and to pass some time and as support for exams. But if I needed help or support he wasn't there, he didn't care, he was really selfish. He was throwing a party and I called to tell him that I can't come because my mom fell and ended up at the emergency room, and he knew that she is sick, and he just answered- okay, I don't really care I gotta go bye. That's the moment I realized he is not my friend. Telling him something just goes in one ear and out the other. It was exhausting being his friend. If I see him, I'll say hi and chat for a bit but I don't answer calls anymore and don't hang out with him.
Many of us wish we could leave behind the troubles in our lives and start anew. But most of us don't take the plunge.
It's possible, and it was the basis for today's burning question from Redditor mufahasa, who asked the online community: "Redditors who've ran away from/ghosted on their previous lives as an adult what was your motivation and what is your life like now?"
This Refreshingly Honest Reply After A First Date Shows Why 'Ghosting Isn't Cool'
In the world of modern dating, real honesty is shockingly rare. It's hard enough to find even in positive situations and even rarer when there's bad news to deliver. Oftentimes, instead of telling a date they're not interested in seeing them again romantically, people will simply "ghost" each other and let their silence do the talking.
One Tinder user, however, impressed his date by being honest and upfront about how he felt things had went.
Reddit user karmabandido posted a photo of a Tinder exchange that may not have been the most pleasant she'd ever had, but was certainly nicer than ghosting her.
And in case you were wondering why they were eating breakfast together, karmabindo clarified:
"First meeting :) can't go wrong with a Waffle House date. If she's too good for Waffle House, you're too good for her."
Other Reddit commenters agreed with her sentiment. steppenfloyd wished his dates had been this honest with him:
"The last 4 or 5 girls that have given me their number ghosted me almost immediately. I don't get it, why give me your number if you're not even gonna respond to the first text?"
"Exactly. They go from heavy flirting to straight ghosting in a matter of a few seconds."
ChampionOfTheSunAhhh, however, thought ghosting wasn't as bad as people made it out to be:
"It's all a game dude, you have to have zero expectations and not get too invested. Getting ghosted isn't always a knock against you, they might've just found what they wanted a little faster"
"Correct. Zero expectations, take it all with a grain of salt, stop giving a shit, let it happen or not happen."
On the other hand, however, Gualdrapo thought honesty is the best policy:
"Still I think ghosting is rude and childish. You can just tell'em you don't want to talk anymore. After all, we're all people."
And the majority of people, like Waht3rB0y, were also in the anti-ghosting camp:
"Agree 100%. A person invested time and energy in getting to know you and then you just completely ignore them? Not cool."
CourageousGizmo summed up everyone's feelings—no matter where you stand on ghosting, a nice, honest text is still a great thing.
"Lovely to see some real adults."