Every new generation thinks they know best.
And every older generation thinks they've seen and done it all.
It's a neverending cycle.
So how do we make one generation listen to another?
And can the generation imparting important advice give it with ease and not arrogance?
Nobody wants to be disrespected.
Can we all start there?
Redditor baker10923 wanted hear what information the young people want the old people to stop yelling about, so they asked:
"Younger people of reddit. What are you tired of hearing from older generations?"
I'm tired of hearing about the music. Madonna is music.
I will say these kids today though... THAT'S MUSIC?!
We Know BestClap Magenta GIF by Telekom erlebenGiphy
“I have more life experience than you… 'then proceeds to go on an emotionally stunted rant based on their own personal bias due to trauma they refuse to process because 'they know best.'"
"Literally any and all job advice. Sorry, Deborah, but you've worked the same unionized position for 30+ years. The number of valuable insights you can give me about the modern labor landscape numbers somewhere between diddly and squat. And Hank literally drops the 'walk downtown handing out resumes and shaking hands" line without awareness or irony.'"
What we went through
"My mom and I got into a fight over housing affordability. 'Your father (55)and I (53) worked very hard to afford this house (175k) and you make more than we did at the time we bought (1992).'"
"The house now is worth about 1.5m, my mom didn't work and my dad made 100k/year. I make 150k and houses in my price range are 600k 1hr+ away from where I want to be and less than half size with less than half the lot."
"Anything to the effect of 'young people can't have back pain (or any other physical disability).' Like, dude, I wish being in my twenties made me immune to being injured. But that's literally just not how the human body works."
"Yup. In my 20s also and I have severe back and neck pain from a car accident. Any time I mention that Im hurting (which is all the time but I only say something when its so bad I cant move) I'm dramatic or too young to know real pain."
I'm ThemAging Jamie Lee Curtis GIFGiphy
"I am 44 but I still feel like I am young. I am tired of hearing pretty much everything my generation says. I don't understand when everybody else just suddenly morphed into their parents."
Oh the generations, always the drama.
AwfulNew Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy
"They're so judgemental and rude. I'm a restaurant worker and I swear young people are way more polite and easy going while older people have zero patience (even though they're the ones who are already retired), oftentimes make racist, sexist, homophobic and bodyshaming comments and still act like they're above the younger generation simply because they've been alive for longer."
29 and Up
"As a 29 year old, tired of older people telling me I’ll understand joint pain, tiredness when I’m older. I’m disabled and chronically ill. I have had bad joints since birth. Like it’s great that all your health problems are a result of your age but mine have been around and will worsen because of that."
blah blah blah...
"(34) I'm sick of hearing about how young people just spend all their time on Tik Tok. How they have stupid dances. How they're just staring at screens all day, blah blah blah."
"Yes, they do all that stuff, but we had stupid dances when we were younger. We sat in front of the TV all day. I've yet to see someone with square eyes."
"Also, hearing about how kids/young people today have no respect for their elders. MF's were doing the same sh*t that people today are doing now. The difference is, everyone has a camera in their pocket."
"'No one wants to work anymore.'"
"First of all no one ever wanted to work. That's why it's called, 'work,' and not 'fun.'"
"Second of all, maybe it's that no one wants to work at your job that lists itself as entry level but wants 5 years of experience and a master's degree along with being able to work 12 hour days at minimum wage."
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"Go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire, then die..."
How will we bridge this gap?
One only knows.
We will be our parents one day.
All we can hope is maybe we'll be an upgraded version.
There is always that one moment when you realize though.
Maybe it's sensing rain coming in your knees.
Or perhaps it's scolding your own children for the first time.
No matter the moment, it's likely to happen.
As life slips by...
Redditor itsDaco wondered who is feeling like age is beginning to catch up with them. So they asked everyone:
"What’s the most 'I’m turning into my parents' moment for you?"
Coupons. When I started noticing coupons.
That's when I knew.
HushGrocery Store Noise GIF by TravisGiphy
"When I went from 'Oh hey this restaurant has live music, cool!' to 'Dammit - look at them setting up a drum kit. It's going to be too loud. I can't hear.'"
A little sass...
"I've always had a little sass in me and most of my life, my shyness covered that up. Now I am a one woman massacre. Thanks, mom. My brothers have been telling me for years that I am essentially our mom, to the point of calling me 'little mother (in an endearing way, not a Norman Bates way). I own it."
"My dad will fall asleep just about anywhere, especially if he sits in a recliner. So after I got my first full-time job out of college, I got home and me and my roommate were gonna watch a new episode of some show. I fell asleep in our recliner in less than 10 minutes. I woke up after the show ended and my roommate was like yeah you were out and snored a little."
"Sometimes I will say certain words and I’ll turn around because I thought my mom said something. It’s really scary how me and her share 98% of seemingly random idiosyncrasies."
"We both talk to ourselves. Full on 45 conversations with ourselves. We both do this counting this when some of the numbers turn breathy as we count."
"We both shake our heads and point our fingers the EXACT same way when we’re yelling. Sometimes I’ll stop mid fight because I can see my mom making the exact same motions and it freaks me out."
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"My 10 year old nephew let me win a video game cuz he felt bad for me, like I did to my dad 25 years ago on Super Nintendo."
Ah... passing on the gift of the game.
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"My dad has in a way worked himself to death. Now he's retired. When he comes over now as soon as he sits down on a couch he falls asleep within minutes. I'm noticing couches are starting to have the same affect on me."
"My SO and I were packing and getting ready to road trip to some family’s house for Thanksgiving. As I was cleaning up the house my SO said something along the lines of, 'don’t worry about it, you can clean when we get home.' I replied with, 'I do NOT want to come home to a dirty house.' At that point I realized I’m turning into my mother."
"My mom used to find things for us in a minute after we had been looking for hours. My siblings and dad sometimes lose things and ask me to help because 'I always find it magically' .... I’m actually very excited about the mom touch to finding things."
"I started dating a mother of 4. She has the Mom touch on so many levels... and I’ve for sure abused it."
"The other day I was on the phone with her and said I couldn’t find my iPad. She told me to check under a box I just brought in from my car. She hadn’t been over for a couple days, though I was on the phone when I got the box. But...
No clue how it works."
"The moment I saw a high school picture of me... turns out it was my dads high school picture. I'm identical to my father and it's annoying as can be."
"Same. I look just like my old man. Baby pics, childhood pics, all the way up to a picture my mom showed me of my 7th birthday party when he was my age now. But good news is, you know what you'll look like when you're older, and can plan accordingly."
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"As I stared into the mass of various saved rubber bands and twist ties."
"I have to dump the 4,786 plastic bags my brother will save and keep 5-10 of them."
I do love rubber bands. I'm growing I guess.
There are just some conversations one can't and maybe shouldn't have with a parent.
Certain aspects of your life are only meant for you.
Go to the grave with them.
It's cool if you and your parents are open.
But boundaries are smart to have.
Tell us all the things the the grown-ups don't need to know.
Redditor tinfoil3346 wanted everyone to fess up to all the naughty things the adults on our lives can't know.
"What is something you will never tell your parent?"
I can't divulge any of my secrets. My mom reads me.
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"My mom's cheesecake is just NOT that good. Everyone praises her and tells her it's the best they've ever had. They've even gone so far as to tell her to sell them. It's just not it. I can never tell her, though."
Being a Witness
"Seeing them so miserable together is the main reason why I don't ever want to marry."
"I can relate. I grew up in a dysfunctional family. There was so much emotional and physical abuse. My mother couldn't leave my father for many reasons. Now they are fine and things are not as toxic as they used to be."
"But watching their marriage, made me realize I don't wanna ever get married. I hate marriage. That's something my parents don't accept. They want me to live the life they think is good for me, without considering if that's what I want. It's just so messy."
"I got so drunk and stoned one night I let a raccoon in the house because I thought it was my dogs. I got the raccoon out but the raccoon ripped up the couch. I just flipped the couch pillows over it’s been a year and they still haven’t found out."
"What a legend. That seriously makes for a great story and someday when they're getting rid of the couch you can tell them about it. Plus, I wouldn't put it past some kids to do that sober. I'm sure you were a little older than most would be, but hey, you were also intoxicated."
F U Cancer
"That my cancer came back. My Mom is 76 and Step Dad 85 both with heart problems. They didn't handle it well years ago so now would destroy them."
"I hate cancer with every fiber of my being. I got diagnosed with it at 29. I was fortunate that mine was one that was beatable, but it was not an easy road. It was quite a physical and emotional rollercoaster. I don't know what kind you are dealing with or what stage you are in, but I wish you the best."
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"I died on the table. They didn’t know. I died for a short while and I’m back."
Now that is some daytime drama drama.
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"That I know my dad is not my real dad. Found old letters in my mom's things. The man that raised me will always be my dad."
"How much it hurts me when they degrade my success."
"I feel you. I just got into on of the top schools in Melbourne and I thought my parents would be happy and I would be stress free. But they are saying I'm not good enough to go there and stuff like that. I feel you. It hurts."
"Lemme tell you a secret, they know you ARE good enough but are jealous of your success and can't handle it."
"When I was 17 I was suppose to go to cheer camp with the cheerleading squad but after my Mom dropped me off with the cheer coach I told her I didn't feel good. My boyfriend came and got me and we drove to Vegas that weekend. We both had fake IDs and had a great time. How my parents never found this out... I will never know."
No wonder no one likes you...
"That they’re the reason I keep everyone at a distance emotionally. I can’t open up because every time I did when I was younger I was just yelled at."
"My mom would use my fears and problems against me later. I would cry about being picked on at school and two days later she would get mad at me about something and say 'no wonder no one likes you' This is when I was like 8."
"Same, and now that I’m working on it, it hurts just as much as it did then. I hope you find peace with the past, you are strong and capable!"
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"That I'm familiar with them, not friendly. Every encounter with them is soul draining on almost every level."
kids is 90%
"The reason I won't have kids is 90% because all my medical issues that prevent me from having a normal life are genetic, and 10% is that given my mental health I don't know that I would survive during/after pregnancy."
"I've been upfront about the 10% and made it seem like the sole reason, with 'it's just as well, my kids would probably inherit XYZ anyway' sounding like an afterthought. My parents would be crushed by the truth and would think that I blamed them for my life struggles, even if I told them I didn't."
"I am absolutely destroyed that no one helped me with my mental health issues as a kid, and she was mentally abusive to me and made it worse. I will never forgive her for that. We have a good relationship now and I don't want to ruin it, but yea, really sucks."
"That at 15 I had sex with my boyfriend in my bed and my father got home early from work. My boyfriend hid under the bed until he could sneak out the front door. He jumped on his bike half dressed and biked away at top speed. Great memory for me and I will never tell. I’m in my 50’s. Lol."
"I knew about my brothers porn stash, because he kept it under the towels in our shared bathroom. But don't you worry big bro. I'll never tell our parents that you have a thing for large black women that don't shave. Your secret is safe with me. And the Internet."
"Secret is safe with us, no worries."
Whimpers and tears...Married At First Sight Reaction GIF by LifetimeGiphy
"I have genuine struggles with crying because as a kid some of my friends and even my schools guidance counselor told me I looked & sounded weird when I cried."
"I was crying that day because I had a nightmare the day before of my dad dying and I really didn’t want him to die. Ever since I was told that, I’ve found it hard to cry. When I do, it’s a few pathetic whimpers and tears. I haven’t been able to full-on sob or cry in about 6 years."
"I put my fist through the wall behind my old bedroom door at my parents' house many years ago. To this day, they have no idea it is there thanks to a strategically placed Star Wars poster that I never took down. I live in fear of the day they decide to remove it."
"I got married yesterday. In my speech I basically said those words out loud to them for the first time. It felt really good, despite them probably knowing anyway."
"About how much better I’m feeling/doing. All my life I’ve had mental issues, constantly depressed, suicidal, and alone. When the doctors sounded the alarm on my mental state at age 9, neither one of them believed them or me. Specifically stating, “She’s lying, what could she possibly have to deal with that’s so hard. I would love to see her deal with the misery I go through.'"
"Every time I mentioned getting help when I was young I was screamed at me would say things like, 'Am I really that horrible of a mother?' When I turned 18, I went to a doctor alone for the first time. I finally got the help I needed. I’m on a lot of medication now, but I feel so, so much better. I even started college and am able to do normal human things."
"I won’t ever tell me parents this. I can’t even imagine how they would act if they actually knew. When I see them now, they would always mention how different I seem and 'how they miss the old me.' I’ve got news for them, the old me was so desperate to feel they way I do now."
"I bought a tarantula as a gag to scare a coworker. Afterward, I had a friend who was going to give it a home. Before I could give it to my friend it escaped from my bedroom. I looked for it but couldn’t find it. While I was at work about a week later, my dad found it crawling around the first floor of the house and it startled him."
"He managed to catch it and put it outside the house. My sister just happen to get home from a sleep away camp so he blamed her thinking the giant spider hitched a ride on her things."
Oh the secrets we'll take to the grave. Mom and dad must never know.
What secrets would you like to get off your chest without telling your parents? Liberate yourself in the comments.
Societal norms gradually change over time, and it's not until a generation looks back and notices just how far they've come.
One of the major differences people from earlier generations find fascinating is how things were much more rigid compared to current times.
Curious to hear examples of this, Redditor FCFSDeals asked:
"What’s now weirdly acceptable in 2022 that was not acceptable growing up in your generation?"
Prior to cellphones, calling protocol was vastly different once upon a time.
Answering The Call
"Not answering the phone. When we only had landline phones (yes long time ago), there was no ringing phone that went unanswered. Now we screen or just plain ignore calls until we are good and ready to deal with it."
"Also, no one expected to reach you at any time, 24-7. I miss those days."
"But there was phone etiquette: no solicitation calls; no polls; and nobody called after 9PM unless someone was in jail or the hospital."
Appearance guidelines seemed to have shifted between generations.
"People have already said tattoos, but body piercings also exploded in popularity. It used to be girls could get their ears pierced, and that was it. When I was in high school, some guys started doing the one earring look and tongue, nose and bellybutton piercings were starting to become popular."
Comfort Is Priority
"Wearing sneakers to work at a fortune 100 company."
"At the beginning of my career it was suit and tie, then business casual and now I wear stan smiths, jeans and an untucked polo in the most senior position of my working life."
"I worked for the US Senate in 2009 (in a totally non-political job for the Senate Curator). I wore clothes from Hot Topic on the Senate floor. Some days I wore old jeans with holes in the knees if I knew I'd be climbing ladders to clean artworks. One of the women on the team had a full chest tattoo and made zero effort to cover it up because no one cared. The day I met Senator Inouye to discuss what paintings he wanted in his office, I had on trainers."
Benefits Of Letting The Hair Down
"They realized that they can't erode wages and expect us to look like we're on Mad Men at the same time. Allowing long haired freaky people has made them sh*tloads of money over the years."
Hair Coloring & Tattoos
"Any type of hair coloring would result in serious trouble at school. I also remember tatoos being frown upon as being found mostly on people that got out of prison."
The advent of the internet was a huge game changer, and rules were made up as we went along.
The Bandwidth Situation
"2 people using the internet at the same time."
Phones In The Classroom
"Middle/high school students being allowed to have their cell phones in class. Being caught with our cell phone when I was a high schooler was an automatic detention etc."
Consequences Of Having A Phone On Campus
"I graduated in the late 90's, and the president of my class got expelled one week before graduation for having a phone on campus. It was in his car, and this was after hours. It rang and a teacher heard it. They made an example out of him. He lost his admission to West Point."
"Now my 8th grader finds it super unjust that her science teacher makes all the kids put their phones in a box at the front of the room during tests, and feels super justified in never ever giving up her airpods to that sort of thing."
When I was a cast member at Disneyland in the early 2000s, we had to abide by the strict, clean-cut appearance guidelines required of all cast members–with different rules applying to each respective gender.
Men, for example, were not allowed to wear jewelry or have visible tattoos. We also had to maintain the length of our hair to not exceed past a certain length, and sporting facial hair was a major no-no.
Now, the "Disney Look" has changed, allowing all cast members to reflect their personalities through “gender-inclusive hairstyles, jewelry, nail styles and costume choices; and allowing appropriate visible tattoos," according to the Disney Parks Blog.
To the Mouse, I tip my hat for these awesome changes.
Parenting is an arduous, often thankless job.
If it's not something you ever really wanted, or even if it is, you have to be careful.
Toxic parents create toxic people.
And that is born from a lot of unresolved trauma.
RedditorGemJoltik34wanted to spread the word on the ways we can recognize toxic parenting.
"What is a sign of toxic parenting?"
I know I wasn't built for parenting. That's ok. It's just not for me.
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"Always believing they're right because they're the adult and therefore not letting the child have any say."
"If you feel like you can't be open and honest with them, even over things that are not bad."
"I can’t remember the last time I was deeply honest about my feelings or things I was struggling with. Somehow they always either 1. find a way to use it against me or 2. they find a way to blame it on things that are unrelated when in the end, it’s usually their crappy way of parenting."
"This is mainly about my mom. But in my dads case, he is emotionally cut off. He doesn’t express himself like ever. My mom is the complete opposite."
"Being unable to apologize, setting and enforcing standards they themselves don't follow."
"When I tell my parents about something I feel like they should apologize my dad listens to me, if he disagrees with what I said he tells me why and if he thinks that my reasoning is correct he says 'you're right, I'm sorry,' my mom yells at me, cries, 'you're talking back, I would've never done that to my mother.' Guess who I have a better relationship with."
"When they constantly invalidate your feelings."
"This one in a huge way… my feelings were never validated. Every time I cried it was 'stop the crocodile tears, you’re just looking for attention.' Every time I was mad 'you don’t have real reasons to be upset.' Hell, even when I was physically hurt it’d usually be something like 'rub some dirt on it.'"
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"Never actually teaching your kids anything, just criticizing, 'I told you so' and 'because I said so.'"
"This was my life just about every day until I moved out. My parents expected me to know things and got pissed when I did something wrong."
People should be required to take parenting classes. Seriously...
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"Parents not understanding kids have bad days too. They may not have a bad day like an adult would, but to their little minds they can get just as overwhelmed as we can mentally."
"Not being allowed to make mistakes and constantly being shouted at for them."
"My significant other has legit PTSD from not meeting his parents standards and being yelled at and screamed for it. Apparently if he didn't clean to their standards they would trash the room and make him start all over again instead of just getting the parts he missed."
I Feel It
"Treating kids like they aren't supposed to have emotions."
"Damn... felt this one. My mom was this way and reacted with anger anytime I tried to talk to her about my feelings, whether it be something she did to me that traumatized me or just something that upset me during the day."
"Then had an ex who did the exact same thing (not relevant to parenting but yeah). So the treatment I received from my mom and ex made me put up a wall around my emotions. Completely ruined my recent marriage. Just hope my son always knows he can talk about his feelings around me."
"The 'I guess I’m just a bad parent' line."
"Or 'Well, I wasn't perfect,' or 'I don't think I ever claimed to be perfect,' or 'I know I was not a perfect parent,' always with the implication that the only reason their offspring have a problem with them is due to their expectations of perfection, and therefore, the problem is with the child and their unrealistic expectations."
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"Never apologizing. Own up to your mistakes!"
"Seriously. Like my mom will give a somewhat apology, it'll be along the lines of 'I was in the right, but maybe I shouldn't have blown up and overreacted like I did.' Like sometimes she's right with that but other times she's just trying to only take partial blame."
"Refusing to let them grow up. My Mom did this with me and I see it in kids I babysit. It’s one thing to enjoy the occasional sick cuddles. It’s another thing to keep them in diapers because you don’t want your baby to grow up."
"My parent still asks 'Do you need to go potty?' In freaking public and I graduated high school and sometimes people I know are around and I'm even more afraid of leaving the house now."
"Trying to restrict my drivers license, not allowing me a job, and trying to limit my money intake so I won’t have enough money to move out. I always have the military as a back up option but man I don’t want to have to choose between living with my mother and potential death."
"Parents who press their personal beliefs and practices upon their children. Maybe your daughter doesn't want to wear dresses all the time. So what? Maybe your son doesn't want to be the doctor that you weren't able to be. Okay... So? For example, my parents are very religious and everything would be about religion and honoring God."
"Yet, the ironic thing is, that my parents are extremely abusive- physically, verbally, mentally, and emotionally. Don't force beliefs upon your children. Widen their perspective. Show them what's out there. And let them make their own decisions. Don't yell at them or hurt them if they're not doing it your way."
"Telling your child to do something, then getting mad when they do it wrong. One time my mom made me fold her laundry, then got mad at me because one her shirts was inside out. I think about that every time I fold clothes now."
"How my dad 'taught' how to pile firewood. Told me to pile firewood, after me saying I'm done, looked at the pile, yelled at me, destroyed the pile, THEN showed me how to pile the firewood. Now when anyone asks me to do something I try to get as explicit instructions as possible."
Shut up Dad...Oh No Facepalm GIF by AminéGiphy
"Crap my dad has said to me growing up were definitely red flag toxicity. Crap like 'Your grandpa embarrassed me in public growing up, now it’s my turn!' and 'I think your friend is gay, he better not make you gay!'"
"Comparing your kid to someone else’s or vice versa."
"My parents did that, but what made it worse is that I'm neurodivertent and I was being compared to the academically gifted kids. It's an unbelievably unfair comparison to make because I will never be like them, I know I'm smart in different ways but mom wanted a kid with straight A+'s; basically someone she didn't have to put too much effort into helping them learn.
"Like I get it mom, your upset cuz I'm much different than you expected; throwing it my face and making me feel bad I couldn't learn like the other kids is so shi**y."
"Authoritarian need for control over their children. Belittling and nasty psychological warfare that gets personal for no reason. 'I'm your parent not your friend' mentality."
"Yeah my mom wanted me to drink some tea she thought would help with a cough when I didn't want to because it was nasty. Now at this time I was like 7-8 and she was heavy on that mentality of... I'm not your friend."
"She thought well we live in the middle of nowhere, why not take him out side with a hammer and threaten to break his fingers one by one that's not traumatizing at all then she just forced it down my throat. And told me it was for the best it was terrible like I don't even know what was going through her mind."
One Sided Looks
"Victim blaming, only seeing the wrong things and ignoring the accomplishments and good and such."
"This is true my mom yells at us when we can't read her mind and guess what she wants tells us she will always support us. Then I went to state for science Olympiad and took 4th in forestry and 6th in rocks and minerals 7th in ornithology and 14th in bridges. And all she did was complain about how I didn't call her during the award ceremony. When they asked us to mute our phones she also complained about giving me a ride."
"Telling you to take responsibility without giving you freedom. Responsibility is only possible if you have the freedom to make the wrong choice but choose to make the right one."
Some parents cause far more damage than happiness. And we have proof... It's not a decision to be taken lightly.