Reddit user, False_Philosophy_412, asked:
"What’s the weirdest reason you were stopped by TSA?"
Most of the time, the agents are doing their best job to figure out what's on your body with a machine that may not be accurate 100% of the time.
It Already Has A Name
"Crotch anomaly".
"I was wearing normal joggers, nothing in my pockets."
"The lady behind me loudly said 'yeah it's called a penis'"- wot_in_ternation
Packing A Different Kind Of Heat
"TSA agent asked to search me with the back of his hand and I said 'okay sure'.”
"The back of his hand hit my unit and he said 'what’s that?' to which my only response was 'That’d be my penis.'”
"The TSA woman next to him started laughing at him and his face went pale before he said 'you’re clear, move along.'"- DarkSlayerKi
the leftovers no GIFGiphyKeyword: "Random"
"I have maintained a decent beard and have a darker skin complexion for a white dude."
"I am 'randomly' selected for a search or shoe swab every single time I fly."= batkevn
You can assume a lot of these are simple misunderstandings, agents doing their best to make sure everyone gets on the plane safely.
Still, it's got to feel bad to open up a loved one's ashes in a public setting.
Mad Respect For Your Wardrobe
"Not in the USA but in France, I got stopped on the way through customs by an agent who said something fast and aggressive-sounding in French."
"My French isn't great, so I just looked puzzled and said I didn't understand."
"The guy quickly beckoned another guy over and explained to him in rapid-fire French what was going on."
"The second guy turned to me and said 'He says your T-shirt is really cool and can you tell him where you got it?'"
" It was a Star Wars T-shirt that I got as a birthday present, so I couldn't even tell him where it came from."
"Luckily, he didn't arrest me."- 99thLuftballon
GiphySinister Teddy
"My niece has a teddy bear."
"She has had this teddy bear essentially since she was born."
"The doggo has bitten a hole into its belly, so we sew onto it like a lion head sticker, to keep its guts inside."
"One time we were on holiday visiting family, and she left it there, luckily I was staying a bit longer so I could grab it on my way back."
"An adult man with a teddy bear that had its guts torn open and fixed with a lion bandaid apparently looks pretty suspicious, so they shoved the poor guy into x-ray 3-4 times."
"She is still in ownership of the teddy bear and it is still in decent shape."- Gacsam
It's A Weapon For A Certain Type Of Person...
"I had a nutcracker in my carry-on."
"Like a legit, festive Christmas soldier nutcracker."
"It was a gift for my mom's birthday, she collects them."
"I was only flying in for 2 days for my grandmas funeral so didn't check any luggage."
"They stopped me and questioned me for 30 minutes."
"Kept insinuating I was going to use it as a weapon."= Pamplem0usse__
desperate housewives nutcracker GIF by HULUGiphySpider Truck. Spider Truck. Does Whatever A...
"When the Andrew Garfield Spiderman's first came out they did some amazing merch for them."
"My Stepdad is a HUGE Spidey fan, so I picked him up the corniest Spiderman film merch when in the US, one of those being like a whirling cement truck thing?"
"It was a big tonka sized thing and the only bag it would fit in was my carry-on."
"They stopped me and said 'Is that a spiderman toy?' and I took it out and showed them."
"They said it was the best thing they'd seen all day."- CharacterSuccotash5
No Smuggling Of Animals
"Glass jellyfish"
"Like those blown glass ones that are super cool at art galleries."
"I got pulled aside into a small room because they thought I was smuggling sea life. Was an interesting time."- Aelsar
When Things Look Like Other Things
"One time my dad had a few rocks of petrified wood in a bag, and had his phone charger right next to it."
"They almost went DEFCON 1 and did radio people to show up and act if it went down."
"But they opened the bag and saw it was rocks and a charger."
"They told him that it looked absolutely identical to what they had been taught a bomb looked like."- AudiieVerbum
Phone Charging GIFGiphyOne Last Look For Ol' Mom
"My mom passed away unexpectedly in California."
"I flew out to pick up her ashes and there was a terror alert at LAX."
"It was unreal; the military was in the airport with what looked like machine guns."
"I was out of my mind with grief and drugged to the gills."
"I was dealing with a bad back, and had to fly from California to a small town in Virginia for the memorial service."
"Security was heightened and everyone was being searched."
"I only had a small carry on and my mom’s ashes."
"When I got to the TSA, the agent wanted me to open my mother’s box of ashes! "
"I refused and insisted they x ray the box instead."
"It showed nothing inside ( duh- ashes) which convinced the TSA agent that it had some sort of cloaking device and was hiding a bomb."
"Again he insisted that I open the box that held my mom’s ashes."
"I was beginning to lose my sh-t."
"I called my husband who works in nuclear power and explained what was going on."
"He told me to tell the TSA agent to place a coin under the box and send it through the X-ray again."
"He did and thank goodness he saw the coin."
"Otherwise I would have been arrested for assaulting a stupid TSA agent."- Due_Judgment_9518
Agents Put Up With All Sort Of Sh*t...
"Previous TSA Agent here - not a passenger."
"This happened on like my 2nd day of training in baggage."
"A bag went off & I had to clear it."
"The owner, a gay gentleman, stood directly across from me, glaring thru my soul."
"I opened the bag & the very first thing in it was a plastic 'laundry bag' from a hotel."
"So I squished that bag, as we were supposed to do, and looked over at my trainer with this look on my face."
"He was confused & I just kinda shook my head like 'please don't make me do this'."
"The passenger had a smirk on his face at this point."
"Of course, I HAD to take it out of the bag."
"It was a dildo COVERED IN sh*it & they'd JUST used it before heading to the airport & didn't bother to clean it off!"
"I whipped it out so everyone saw, my trainer was hiding behind the x-ray ROLLING laughing, & I had to swab it to test it for explosives."
"Of course it cleared, so I put it back in the bag & the guy's boyfriend was standing by him at this point."
"Passenger says to me (all pissy) 'Happy now? Did you see what you wanted to?'"
"The bf is also rolling at this point."
"I just put the bag on the floor, scanned it thru the x-ray again & dropped it on the conveyor to go downstairs to cargo."
"My trainer was like OMFGGGGG...I SWEAR that NOTHING like that has ever happened before!"
"Of course the story spread quickly to everyone else & for a while, til people knew me/my name better, I was "THAT girl"- HalloweenFreak260
You Never Know When You'll Have The Craving...
"Not me, but my friend went on a family vacation."
'Her dad’s carry on gets flagged and TSA starts freaking out calling back up, and ask him to come over to them."
"As he walks by my friend he just says 'oh no, it’s the jerky'."
'This man brought 14 PACKS of jerky in his carry on for each day of the trip and TSA thought it was sticks of dynamite, and then had a good laugh at the suitcase full of beef jerky."- raccoonslikecheese
Beef Jerky Texfest GIF by H-E-BGiphyDon't Be Fooled By Their Sweetness
"M&M’s"
"They thought I was smuggling drugs."- hchristian13
Double Check What Counts As A Liquid...
"Not necessarily weird but Peanut Butter."
"We were going to Disney and we brought groceries to make sandwiches and they took it away."
"I wouldn't have considered peanut butter a liquid but I guess so."- PrincessLuma
Double The Trouble
"I have two stories."
"We were flying to the Caribbean for my aunt’s wedding and everyone got through alright except my uncle."
"He kept setting the machine off no matter what he did."
"He had taken out all of the change in his pockets, his belt off, his jewelry etc., and it still went off."
"I want to point out this was not long after 9/11 so security was a bit different to what it was when he last had flown."
"So when the metal handle thingy scanned him and it went off on his hip the TSA asked 'are you made of mental sir?'"
"In a surprised voice then my uncle just responded 'oh sh*t sorry mate, I didn’t know it would detect my metal hip joint!'"
"They had a laugh about it to each other and he was let through."
"Second story."
"I was coming back from Germany and the day before somehow I have come down with a severe throat infection."
" I lost my voice and could barely speak."
"The TSA were asking me all these questions and honestly it was pretty awkward because they couldn’t hear me despite how hard I tried, they took it well and asked if I was okay."- After-Land1179
sore throat GIF by Sign with RobertGiphyLet's Not Forget, They Do Have A Job To Do...
"I had injured my ankle so had it wrapped in some of that adhesive wrap tape, with a sock and shoe over it."
"Bomb dog alerted on the bandage."
"The TSA agents were extremely nice, got me a chair I could sit in since I was limping and we had a great talk about books while they were doing the routine check of my bags etc."
"They were extremely baffled and couldn't figure out why the dog alerted, so brought it back over to see exactly where it alerted."
"Once they figured it out we all had a good laugh and they made sure I made it safely to my gate."- WanderingWordsmith19
Talk About Bad Hair Day
"My hair."
"Every time I fly out of Logan in Boston."
"They pull me aside and pat down my hair."
"I finally got a black lady that told me that it's the thread in weaves and wigs."
"Sometimes they use something similar to thin monofilament wire."
"It doesn't always show up so they check to make sure it's just a weave that doesn't double as a bomb I guess?"- bballpixie
Ever been stopped by the TSA for something silly? Tell us about it in the comments.
Two—please keep your shoes on—the rest of us, including the attendants, can indeed feel our noses burning. They have to deal with enough during the flights, let's not add olfactory assault to the list. But seriously... leave the sushi alone, grab a nice-made pretzel instead.
Redditor theburiedsalmon asked:
“Flight Attendants and/or Pilots of Reddit, what are some things passengers do that get on your nerves?
Flight attendants jumped on this question ready to dish on their biggest pet peeves and worst experiences.
Gross...
“Leaving a ridiculous amount of garbage behind. Last week I had a grown a** couple spit huge globs of gum onto the floor and then step on it to try to rub it in. Like seriously? Why? And getting up to use the bathroom when we're already descending."
Keep it in your pants ya’ll...
Flying Las Vegas GIF by IFCGiphy“As a former FA—Don't try to join the mile high club. Just, stop."
“Don't have sex in the bathrooms y'all. No, you aren't being very quiet and yes we will know and depending on the airline policy we'll also have to politely ask you to knock it off and keep it in your pants."
“Not to mention the obvious - airplane lavs are ridiculously tiny, to the point where once on one long haul we had to make an emergency landing because a large couple couldn't get out of the lav they had shoved themselves into once they were done."
“I'll add that this is THE grossest place to possibly want to do the deed, as lavs NEVER GET DEEP-CLEANED, EVER (between same-day legs)"
“I know what your hand motions mean and I will have to come over and shut it down, especially because in most cases there are families with kids sitting behind or near you."
15 years in...
“Former flight attendant here... 15 years I've seen it all! (and sorry for the formatting, on mobile)
- Walking throughout the aircraft barefoot. Especially into the toilets... Those floors are not as clean as you think they are!
- People who talk to us and treat us like scum. And yes, we'll provide better service to the ones who are nice or think of them first when a whole row is free and they need to lie down and sleep during an 11hr flight.
- Parents that don't watch their kids during the flight. The aircraft isn't childproof and there's a surprising amount of things they can injure themselves on.
- Passengers who do aircraft yoga during the service. By all means, if lights are off and it's quiet go ahead, but if there's a buzz of activity near the galley then maybe wait a while.
- Speaking of which, assuming the galley is free for all. Sometimes we don't get provided crew food for work and bring our own. If we're busy attending to a call bell and can't finish out snack or whatever... It's not for you to just grab and eat... At least ask first!
- Complaining about how rough the flight was. I've had some cuss out the flight deck about their abilities because the aircraft hit wake turbulence... If you can magically see wake turbulence on a tiny monitor and think you can do a better job then join a flight academy, pay several thousand dollars for the training and certification and do it yourself..."
"I left Aviation in August (because of you-know-what) but that's just what I can recall from the top of my head..."
"If you'd love to really show appreciation for your flight crew, particularly when many are so close to redundancy, a complement really makes a difference. A 15 min email to the Service Delivery department of the airline you flew with praising the crew who went above or beyond on your flight can do wonders for their career progression. I do it for service staff all the time at restaurants and the hotels we stayed at, and having them remember you after months or years due to your comments is simply priceless."
*screams in sarcasm*
baggage claim kramer GIF by HULUGiphy“Did you know that the closer you stand to the baggage claim carousel, the faster your bag arrives? It's science. Look it up.
Warp speed for the ones that let their kids on the carousel!"
You’re going to want a buffer.
“If you are booking a connecting flight and the connection times are 30min or 2 hours. Pick the 2 hour connection. I can't stand passengers who get all upset when they miss their connecting flight because they booked themselves a 30min connection."
“Your stressful travel day will be a little less stressful knowing you have a buffer. If you happen to land on time or even early, sit down at a restaurant, go for a walk, people watch, find your next flight's gate and watch a movie there, etc."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
Repeat after me: Keep your hands to yourself!
“Poking or grabbing at me to get my attention!! And it's usually on my @ss as it's eye level with most people haha. But for real DON'T poke people! Especially if I am speaking to another passenger."
“I can see you waving at me I'm not going to interrupt my assisting someone else because you want me to take your trash, just give me a second and I'll come to you next. I promise can hear you if you say 'excuse me!' Or 'Miss!' Or even wave a little in my direction. There's just no need to touch people or grab at them."
“Once I was so irritated at someone's incessant poking, I turned, looked them in the eye and poke poke poked them right back and said, 'what do you need.'"
“Slip me a twenty instead...”
Turn Up Money GIF by Joel ByarsGiphy“Stop expecting free alcohol because you handed me a three dollar bag of candy you bought in the airport. I'm a grown *ss man. You didn't make my day by giving me a Hershey's kiss. Slip me a twenty instead. I'll give you an open bar the rest of the flight.“
“If you are nice I am happy to walk the extra mile for you.”
“Gosh where to start. I'd say one of the most irritating and annoying thing is when people ignore or fight our instructions concerning safety regulations. I do not enjoy telling you that you can't have your bag in an exit row, that you need to put your important laptop away for takeoff and landing and that you should stay seated when the seatbelt sign is on. And no it is not negotiable. No reason to get insulting or treat us like sh*t."
“Drunken behaviour. When you start getting aggressive for not getting anymore booze, we know it's the right call. It is neither fun for us or the people sitting in your vicinity. From harassment, cussing, aggressive behavior, throwing up, or loud terrible singing/howling on a long-haul night flight. Same for medications taken with alcohol."
"If you are nice I am happy to walk the extra mile for you. Having a free seat next to you, a drink I don't have in my cart atm, extra snacks, etc. But being an @ss for things I can't change won't help anyone. Yes, I do see you are flying with an infant and I would love to give you a whole seat row but the flight is fully booked."
"You have a certain allergy and can't eat any of the foods offered and have not ordered a special meal before flight? We have only the foods onboard which were loaded and I can't create or order any mid-flight."
"The bar carts are heavy and the airplane has basically always an incline angle. Please move out of the way and go use the restroom before we are blocking your way."
"Feet in the isles during night flights. The cabin lights are dimmed and i do understand your need for stretching your legs but it is a trip hazard for us. There have been colleagues which broke bones for tripping over feet and legs in the dark."
The list doesn’t end there...
“Parents which let their kids do whatever they want. I almost had to cancel a takeoff once because a toddler was crawling in the isle just because mom said he won't sit still shortly before takeoff. Disregarding that on takeoff roll he could have gotten severely injured."
“And please bring everything you need for your kids. Diapers, food, milk. We have some items to help you out when you run out but not to supply everything for infants for the entire flight. And tray tables and seats are not changing tables. Gross. Please use the ones in the restrooms."
“And yes i cringe seeing ppl run around barefoot especially near/in restrooms. I sometimes can't understand what happened in there but its gross. And well I bet in almost every aircraft are restrooms where someone couldn't make it to it in time and vomitted right in front of it."
"You are a guest on board. A very valued guest. But please behave as such. You have passenger bins and your seat area. Don't open other cabinets or lockers. Don't help yourself to anything which isn't obviously on display for you. And if in doubt ask first."
"We had passengers eating the homemade lunch of a colleague in Tupperware. Someone took a bite from a piece of cheese which my colleague already had a bite from and placed it back, etc
"All that said I have had as well super amazing passengers. A lot of laughs, people who forgave me for drenching them with sprite or redwine, offering help to me in certain situations, etc."
"Flying since 2012"
“I am not your grandchild, I am your captain.”
the princess bride cheek pinch GIFGiphy“After a flight I usually stand by the flight deck and say good bye to the passengers as they exit. I get a lot of people that ask how old I am. That doesn't really bother me (I'll probably be sad when it stops), but please don't touch me as you are saying it. Seriously, strangers trying to pinch cheeks and pat my head. Lady, I'm not your grandchild, I'm your captain."
General advice? Listen to and be respectful to your flight attendants...and seriously stay out of the bathroom unless you need it—don't be the couple that needs to be peeled out of the loo.
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Pastels...
GiphyNot a TSA agent, but last time I flew I was bringing chalk pastels home because I do a bit of art. They asked what they were, I said they were chalk pastels in a box that was clearly labeled "chalk pastels."
The box was opened upside down, spilling all of my chalk pastels on the table and coating the entire table in bright chalk dust, which does not wash off very easily.
too big....
I'd like to give a shoutout to the TSA worker who had to unpack my entire wolf pelt to get at the toothpaste I packed that was too big. And to the airline attendant who told me I had to check my bag bc I was the last one on, offered to let me "get my computer out" and then watched me pull out my entire wolf pelt and run down the plane with it.
Nuts from Milan.
Slightly unrelated, but it's a funny story....
I was flying back from Milan. the security worker stopped my dad's bag after the X-ray machine, and said there's some sort of liquid or gel in there. So he searches through the bag and eventually pulls out what he saw in the machine - a jar of Nutella.
Now, he's probably a proud Italian and loves his Nutella, because I never seen a more devastated face in my life once he realized he needs to confiscate our Nutella. He started apologizing like crazy, "Oh no, I am so sorry..." and so on.
Talk Turkey.
GiphyOne time I was flying somewhere and I had made this really really awesome toasted turkey sandwich. I was really excited about it because I hadn't had a sandwich in probably a year (food sensitivities coupled with a rare brand of "safe" bread leads to sandwiches being few and far between.)
I said on the way there that they'd better not flag my sandwich. When we went through TSA, guess what? They flagged. my damn. sandwich. I got it back, at least, but I'm never going to forget that they tried to take my sandwich.
They probably just thought it looked good and took it themselves.
Unimpressed.
Not a worker but probably my bag. My friends kids decided to pack me part of their rock collection and several small crafts. Apparently not wanted to have them broken they padded out the pouch they were in with maxi pads. Security was not impressed that I had no idea what was in my bag and couldn't explain it.
Dora.....
Well when I was 6 I had my Dora the Explora backpack on and I put one of those small sizes 8 oz water bottles in it. When my mom put the my bag up on the belt through x ray it got flagged and they pulled my 6 year old self into a room (without my parents) and did a full search of me and then the woman yelled at me to never do it again. My mother wasn't happy.
From the passenger side.....
From the passenger side - the missus got me a Jerry-can bag thing - essentially a 20l jerry can, cut in half with a hinge and wheels added - like this. I checked everywhere i could to make sure it was allowed to go on the plane.
The only problem was every time i went through security, the agent pulled it out and made me unpack it because the scanning machine couldn't resolve the contents clearly enough.
So, unpacked, and re-packed three times on the way there, and three times on the way back.
Without fail they all said it was a cool bag though.
splooosshh, bphrrrooom, booom!!!!
GiphyI once bought a pack of barbicans from UAE and i was traveling back to india. The pack was in my hand luggage. The security guys stopped me and they were arabs and didn't understand english that much. They got hold of it and i enquired why. They show actions of cans exploding and one of them was like cans - splooosshh, bphrrrooom, booom I will never forget it.
taste tests....
GiphySo my mother is into healthy lifestyles so imagine the look on the TSA's faces when they had to leave a note saying they had to inspect her luggage further because she thought it was a great idea to pack PROTEIN POWDER in ziplock bags lol taste tests hm... good choice.
Yeehaw...
Back in the 90's, my friend who was a professional square dance caller and traveled all the time to call dances would get hassled all the time going through security. At that time square dance music was exclusively on vinyl 45's. He had a special suitcase that held the nearly 200 records he traveled with. It weighed a ton when loaded but in the X-ray nothing shows up. Our local airport got to know him quickly, but he got real tired deplaning in new cities and having to explain again what it was.
We all got a kick out of it.
GiphyI'm not a security worker, but I have a story from the other side.
I'm asthmatic and had a peak flow meter in my carry on. This is a device you use to measure how much air you're exhaling. This one was a long cylinder with a tapered end. It had a metal rod in it that the gauge would slide along. When my bag went through x-ray, the guard called another guard over. Elbows poked at each other, and latex gloves went on.
When the guard pulled out the peak flow meter, he looked super confused. He clearly thought he was going to be pulling out a dildo. "Um, what is this?" he asked.
"It's a peak flow meter for my asthma," I explained. "I blow in it. Would you like a demonstration?"
"No, ma'aam. That won't be necessary." But then he cracked, leaned over and asked "Do you mind if I show my friend?"
We all got a kick out of it.
Jolly Roger
I was traveling for work once, I am a freelance technical director, and my son had put a large Jolly Roger sticker on my hard shell laptop case. He was going through his pirate phase. I was opening the case up to put the laptop in a tray for the scanner when the TSA screamed at me to stop. He activated some kind of Purple alert and in seconds I was swarmed by TSA agents and local LEOs.
After much explaining it was revealed the TSA guy saw the Jolly Roger skull and crossbones and thought I was carrying human remains.
Hilarity ensued.
My landlady in college was the stereotypical harmless looking little white haired grandma. She made some ceramic pistols so one of her grandkids could have them on the wall as part of a pirate-themed bedroom redesign. The world had changed since she had flown anywhere so she didn't think twice about tucking them into a carry-on bag. Hilarity ensued.
Travel Smart.
On an episode of Border Security Australia, Brisbanes main airport had to be evacuated and bomb techs called as a grenade had been spotted on the x-ray machine. Bomb techs go in only to discover it's a belt with a metal grenade shaped buckle. Not the smartest thing to travel with.
the common....
GiphySex toys are pretty common but my favorite are the college girls traveling with their parents. When they realize we need to search their bag you can see the panic take over and silently beg us to not let their parents see what they have.
In the Bag...
Not an airport worker, but something was found in my bag. I was going through security and they ended up running my bag through the x-ray 3 times before they finally asked what the lump of metal was that they were seeing. They showed me the image and I couldn't tell so they went to open my bag. Right when they started unzipping it I realized what it was and blurted out "Oh that's a Hammer!" which was immediately met by, "Sir you cannot bring a hammer on the plane."
That's a Scratch...
From the other side. Early 90s, so very pre 9/11.
My dorm had a pool table with a crappy cue ball. I bought one when I was home and had it in my carry on. A cue ball is apparently dense enough on the x-ray to alarm the staff.
"hold on a second"
May 2000, I'm flying to Florida to propose to my fiancee. My parents know this so they wrap up a gift and say "it's expensive, be careful with it." I threw it in my carry on and didn't think any more of it.
Going through security I'm tapped on the shoulder.
They found something in my interesting backpack, what the hell is it. It looks like some kind of long knife. They pull it out and find my parent's gift. I explain it's a gift from my parents and I'm flying to the US to get engaged. They go "hold on a second" and run it through.
Both the security guys start laughing and tell me "You'll love it, congratulations and please don't open it up on the plane". It was a cake server with a decorative handle.
Now if this had been post 9/11 I'd probably have had an anal probe instead. Fast forward to the end of my flight, I'd told the person sitting next to me I was going to propose. I guess word got around the plane. I had so many handshakes and best wishes as I was leaving the plane, it was pretty awesome! 20 years later, still married.
Just a Piece....
I traveled through the states a few years back. Bought one of those 4 inch long pieces of the golden gate bridges (old strands of the cables: LINK - I'm a bridge engineer, so it fits).
Anyway, given it's a solid lump of metal I knew that it'd get pinged in the X-ray, so I purposely packed it into my carry on so I could explain it.
Sure enough, lots of action when my bag goes through the machine. Questions of "what's in your bag". Looks of disbelief when I say "a piece of the golden gate bridge". They pull it out - SWIPE IT FOR EXPLOSIVE MATERIAL (seriously?) - before saying (once it had come back as a negative test), "this is heavy, you might attack someone with it. Go put it in your checked luggage".
FFS.
Check EVERYTHING!
GiphyI was a 14 year old girl on a trip to New York City with our school band. The trip was a lot of fun, but I was exhausted and stressed beyond belief at the end of it (not to mention on my period, which screwed everything up emotionally). It doesn't help that I'm terrified of planes. So when TSA stopped me to check my shoes, I was a little too distracted to remember to empty my water bottle. They dumped it out and had me go though security again. This time, it was a can of Pringles in my sweatshirt pocket. They had me open my bag and take EVERYTHING out (despite no detectors going off), meaning I was showing all my packed underclothes and period supplies to strangers and classmates behind me in line.
That was bad enough until they apparently decided it was a good idea for me to go into the full blown machine that checks for EVERYTHING. I was super stressed at this point (exhaustion and an anxiety disorder really does a doozy), and just started sobbing in front of everyone, which, as a freshman girl in high school, is absolutely horrible. I was so upset with myself for crying that I started crying harder and one of the THREE TSA agents who were watching me suspiciously just kind of realized my plight and was trying to be more sympathetic, which I certainly appreciated, but not enough to stop crying. She's just trying to remain calm and gentle and reassure me that it's just a precaution and everything will be fine.
So I walk into the machine (I'm a freshman on a band trip, what did they expect to find), and, as per expected, they find nothing. I have to refold and repack everything, sobbing the whole while, while being watched by all of the classmates who were behind me as well as a bunch of strangers. So yeah, that'd probably be my most embarrassing TSA story. Isabella M
Rubbed.
Well this just happened to me on June 1. I am about 5′ 10″, broad-shouldered, long brown hair, and olive complexion. I am about 230 lbs with a small beer belly. I look like a out of shape line backer. This is important to the story. So I am flying from Charlotte to Boston. I also get stopped by the TSA. Either going or coming. I was not stopped at Boston so I was going to be stopped at Charlotte. Well I am at the check point. My shoes and belt are in the conveyor.
I am at the big spinning scanning device. I step in put my hands up. The machine whirls, I then am told to step out. I am at that spot where we put your feet down in the painted areas. Just in case you cannot figure this out. The TSA man says to me hold on for a second. He then says I need to see what is under there. He is pointing at my midriff. I say to him "So you want me to drop my pants? Could you at least buy me dinner first?" I was trying to be funny. He did not get the joke. He states "No, under your shirt." My stomach - I lift my shirt to show him my hairy belly lol. He still looks at me.
He then pokes it and rubs it to make sure it was real. So I was a little annoyed as this lovely lady was looking at me. So when I am nervous I tend to use humor. So when this large man is rubbing my stomach to see if it is real I start to purr like a cat. He turned red and the lovely lady started laughing. George S
"YOU. GET BACK IN THAT LINE."
It wasn't security and it wasn't embarrassing but definitely annoying.
I was traveling to Corpus Christi to inspect a ship. With me was the new master of the ship. I had a regular US B1/B2 visa and my companion had a C1/D seaman's visa. We landed at Houston and were waiting in the immigration queue when I saw a sign saying seamen. I told the master you stand in that line. He ducked out of the line and headed for the seamen's queue when a TSA woman yelled at him. "YOU. GET BACK IN THAT LINE." He tried explaining that he was a Seaman but she continued yelling. "I DON'T CARE. DO WHAT I TELL YOU."
So he returned. When in due course we reached the head of the line, I went to one desk and he to another. The immigration officer looked at his passport and told him to go to the seamen's line. Net result was that it took another 30 minutes for him to clear immigration. All thanks to an officious know nothing jobsworth.
On the same trip when we were passing through immigration at Heathrow (required because our connecting flight to Houston was from Gatwick) he was asked why he didn't have a UK visa. I explained to the immigration officer that any seaman holding a Seaman's Book in transit or entering to join a ship did not need a visa.
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"Ok. Please wait. I'll check with my supervisor."
He was back in five minutes. "Sorry for making you wait and thanks. I learnt something new today."
What a contrast in behavior of officialdom. Arun V
Random Search.
I was in a very abusive relationship for 5 years.
I was always covered in bruises, hiding myself, and just so insecure. There was a spell of bad depression I had after being beaten down for so long. I stayed in bed for 8 months straight. Didn't shower much at all and on top of that I had dreadlocks underneath my regular hair.
Because of my lack of hygiene and refusal to leave the bed, the entire back of my hair formed into one matted rats nest clump. I mean it HURT. Bad. I didn't care at the time because I never left home. There were tons of white fuzzy's in my hair from the blankets that I couldn't brush out- it was horrible.
One day my fiancé's father passed away on Thanksgiving morning. We immediately had to fly to Connecticut from Atlanta. As I realize what's happening my anxiety set in. I looked at myself in the mirror and started crying. I was terrified to go outside. Obviously I was dragged out.
During the security check at the airport a TSA agent pulled me aside. They proceeded to "randomly search" me which was fine, but then the male agent touched the back of my hair. "Holy crap" he said. "Hey, *insert female agents name here* come take a look at this." He pulled out a tongue depressor and some gloves and proceeded to dig through my hair because he was convinced I was hiding something in there. He muttered under his breath "how does this happen…"
This drew so much attention to me that I started crying hysterically asking them to please stop. They did and but never apologized. The next morning I shaved my head completely.
Three months later I left my fiancé.
Now my hair is very long, happy and healthy & so am I. Jay R
8 Inches.
GiphyI was traveling with my 15 year old daughter and she had an 8" long knife in her backpack. She didn't know she had it. Nor did I. But the security guard at the scanning machine quickly knew.
Here's how it went down. The security person kept on looking at the image and examining the backpack. She finally demanded we tell her where the knife was hidden. I quickly explained to her that there wasn't any knife. I asked my daughter and she also confirmed no knife existed.
Finally, the security person showed me the image. Sure as shit there was an 8" long knife. I turned to my daughter just as she was finally remembering. She had brought bagels and cream cheese to her class earlier that day. The knife was a regular kitchen table knife she had brought to school to spread the cream cheese. She had tossed the knife into her backpack and completely forgotten about it.
Somehow the knife had worked it's way into the seam of the backpack and could only be seen with the imaging.
We told the security woman our story. She looked at us sternly. She finally was able to dig out the knife and let us go on.
Needless to say I was rather embarrassed. My daughter was just mortified at how lame brained she had been. Thank god I hadn't tried to bust the security guard's chops for having made such a ridiculous accusation that we had a knife. Hill R
When leaving Halifax.
I was leaving Halifax, Nova Scotia after a three-day business trip. I was with a colleague so we arrived at the airport with plenty of time. I stopped at one of the gift shops and bought a bag of salt water taffy for my daughter. I stuffed it the top of my brand new, work-issued laptop bag.
When I went through security, the officer took a long time to scan my laptop bag. He moved the belt back and forth, back and forth before calling over a colleague. The pair of them watched the screen, back and forth at least five times.
Finally I asked if there was a problem. The officer asked me what was in the bag. As I said, I had just received my new work-issued laptop before leaving on this trip so I tried to remember ever thing in the bag — laptop (of course), power supply, mouse, maybe some pens and a notebook. And then I remember! "Salt water taffy!", I yell thinking this is what is causing the hold up. And, being a natural born smart ass, I told the two officers if they wanted some, all they had to do was ask. Ha ha.
Except I was wrong. They weren't worried about the taffy. Now they've called over the RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police for you non-Canucks) and there are at least 8 officials looking at the screen — back and forth, back and forth.
By now I'm sure my flight has left. It's at least 10 minutes past departure time. I'd long ago flagged my colleague onward so she's on the plane. And that's how I later find out that she saw them pulling my luggage off the plane, while delaying the flight.
They finally all agreed that I wasn't up to anything nefarious and told me that my laptop bag and I could board.
I didn't understand what concerned them so much until month later.
Laptops were fairly new at the time so not many people had seen the cable used to lock them and I'm sure the numbers on the lock had them scratching their heads. Of course it was the one thing I forgot to tell them was in the bag!
Good times. My colleague teased me about it every time we travelled after that! Susan C
I have never returned to Bolivia.
Back in the 80's, I was flying out of the La Paz airport in Bolivia. Now, La Paz is very close to the Peruvian border and is (was?) a known point for smuggling. This was back in the 80's and the Bolivian police were all on edge. That day I had come down with a low grade fever and my buddy took me to a pharmacia (corner drug store) and asked for some Tylenol or something for my fever and headache. The pharmacist actually sold me the pills individually, folded into a small glassine envelope. You can probably see where this is heading…
So my buddy and I are in the airport waiting for our flight. I am sweating and glassy-eyed with the fever but I notice the security guys watching me. Just before our flight is called, my buddy heads off to make a quick pit stop. That's when the policia come over and take me into custody. We head to the Back Room. I have no idea what they want and at the time I spoke virtually no Spanish. They start searching my bag, taking everything out, and they find the glassine envelope, still with a bit of powdery residue from the pills. Uh-oh.
As they became agitated, I immediately understood the situation - they thought I was high and was smuggling dope. Not speaking the language, I had visions of being dragged off to a dank South American prison. In desperation, I grabbed the hand of the nearest guard and pressed it to my fevered forehead as the word "Enfermo!" (sick) somehow emerged from the recesses of memory of my middle school Spanish class.
Meanwhile, my buddy had finished his business and was wildly searching for me as the loudspeaker announced final boarding for our flight. He burst into the Back Room and explained in rapid fire Spanish why I was glassy eyed and why I had the glassine envelope. He was convincing enough that they released me (even though we both very much did fit the stereotypical image of druggy American hippies). I grabbed up all my stuff and somehow managed to get it all stuffed into my bag as we sprinted across the tarmac to the plane.
I have never returned to Bolivia. Nick T
It's Only Peanut Butter....
Not so much embarrassing but funny My friend Holly and I went to Sanibel Island last weekend for a short getaway. We went to a small grocery to get snacks and some bagels for breakfast. The day we left we were sorting out the leftovers for our carry ons and she took the bagels and a jar of peanut butter that we had bought for the bagels. I don't think we opened it, I didn't use any.
We get to the airport to go home and her bag is pulled aside. They swab her hands and we stand there while the TSA agent reaches in and pulls out our jar of Jif. I didn't even know it was not allowed, but the funny part is when she asked us, "If you would like, you may step out of security to eat this, then re-enter when you are ready." EAT a whole jar of peanut butter? Even with two of us, how in the world? Imagine how you'd feel after shotgunning half a jar of peanut butter, green around the gills, that's how.
We declined, but I thought it would be a funny sight to see two forty something women scooping peanut butter out of a jar with their bare hands and eating it just to keep it from being tossed. Melissa O
Christmastime in Florida!
GiphyI was returning home from my vacation in Florida after Christmas. Everything was going fine until will got to the security checkout and I was stopped by the TSA officers. I had no clue what was happening. I was terrified and my brother who was waiting for me on the other side was utterly confused. My brother and I asked what was happening, and we were told that I was getting a pat down. My brother asked why, but they did not respond and they told him to wait.
They said that they found a suspicious item near my private parts. For the record, it was a pad. On the screen where your body was scanned, it was the obvious shape of a pad. Even one of the officers asked me if it was! I was so embarrassed. I was holding up the whole line and a male TSA officer proceeded to try to do a pat down on my private parts. I immediately said "No!" and I requested that a female officer do it because I did not want a male to be touching my privates. The man scoffed and called over the female officer to pat me down. First, she rubbed my upper thighs and then rubbed in between my legs. This was absolutely humiliating and one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. It only gets worse though.
She proceeded to stick her whole hand in my underwear on both sides. She then literally grabbed my butt. I told her to please stop as that was very uncomfortable, but she said it was "just protocol." I was then tested for bomb residue and was begrudgingly released. They said "Oh, I guess it was just a pad. You're free to go." I was crying the whole flight after that, and it still haunts me to this day. It was absolutely embarrassing and quite frankly disgusting! Kylie Marie E
A Bridge Too Far....
I personally have never felt embarrassed going through airport security. I have, however, seen TSA agents checking my bags become embarrassed when I went through airport security.
I was coming home from a get-together of the extended poly family. I had a sound in my toiletries bag. It showed up on the X-ray, of course, and caused the X-ray tech to pull my bag for hand screening.
So the poor TSA guy opens my bag, takes out the sound, and starts waving it in the air saying "What is this? Is it a weapon?"
I tell him, no, it's not a weapon, it's a sex toy.
"A sex toy?" He says. "What kind of sex toy?"
So I explain it to him.
Poor guy was mortified. He looked like he wanted the earth to swallow him up.
I always thought TSA agents were basically impossible to embarrass. Apparently, a sound is a bridge too far.
VistaJet is a private jet charter company based in London, England. They have a fleet of over 70 Global and Challenger Bombardier aircraft and operate all over the world.
And they are really pulling out all the stops to make pets and their owners comfortable on flights!
For pets who are unused to flying, the VistaPet program offers "fear of flying courses" to help desensitize your pet to the sights and smells of being on a plane.
The four-week course, offered in partnership with The Dog House, slowly exposes them to the experience of being on a plane so they can get acclimated to it before the big day.
It was also The Dog House that partnered with Chef Roux to create their own line of dog treats that are being served on VistaJet flights.
The tin of treats contains 5 flavors of treats, in various sizes and shapes:
Ostrich with Cherry, Seaweed with Orange, Cheese with Cranberry, Venison with Blueberry, Salmon with Trout.
VistaJet will also make recommendations for pet-friendly accommodations at your destination, or any pet-related service you require. Doggy spa day, anyone?
They even offer flower essences to mix with pets' water!
Above all, the VistaPet program offers the opportunity for pets to fly in the cabin with their owners, instead of being in the cargo bay in a carrier for the entirety of the flight.
VistaJet says that pets must be secured in a carrier or on a leash during takeoff and landing, but are free to roam for the rest of the flight.
VistaJet shared a promotional video of what you can expect for your pet, and were just a bit jealous.
Is your pet ready to fly? The VistaPet program supports you and your loyal companion with everything you need to… https://t.co/fRiHdl5rU4— VistaJet (@VistaJet) 1554294372.0
This luxury is a far cry from the usual flight experience for pets on commercial airlines. Many pets have to be crated for the entire journey and are transported in the plane's cargo hold instead of the cabin.
If only the major airlInes would offer something similar to VistaJet'sprogram, flying would be a whole lot less stressful for pets and owners alike!