Reddit user, False_Philosophy_412, asked:
"What’s the weirdest reason you were stopped by TSA?"
Most of the time, the agents are doing their best job to figure out what's on your body with a machine that may not be accurate 100% of the time.
It Already Has A Name
"Crotch anomaly".
"I was wearing normal joggers, nothing in my pockets."
"The lady behind me loudly said 'yeah it's called a penis'"- wot_in_ternation
Packing A Different Kind Of Heat
"TSA agent asked to search me with the back of his hand and I said 'okay sure'.”
"The back of his hand hit my unit and he said 'what’s that?' to which my only response was 'That’d be my penis.'”
"The TSA woman next to him started laughing at him and his face went pale before he said 'you’re clear, move along.'"- DarkSlayerKi
the leftovers no GIFGiphyKeyword: "Random"
"I have maintained a decent beard and have a darker skin complexion for a white dude."
"I am 'randomly' selected for a search or shoe swab every single time I fly."= batkevn
You can assume a lot of these are simple misunderstandings, agents doing their best to make sure everyone gets on the plane safely.
Still, it's got to feel bad to open up a loved one's ashes in a public setting.
Mad Respect For Your Wardrobe
"Not in the USA but in France, I got stopped on the way through customs by an agent who said something fast and aggressive-sounding in French."
"My French isn't great, so I just looked puzzled and said I didn't understand."
"The guy quickly beckoned another guy over and explained to him in rapid-fire French what was going on."
"The second guy turned to me and said 'He says your T-shirt is really cool and can you tell him where you got it?'"
" It was a Star Wars T-shirt that I got as a birthday present, so I couldn't even tell him where it came from."
"Luckily, he didn't arrest me."- 99thLuftballon
GiphySinister Teddy
"My niece has a teddy bear."
"She has had this teddy bear essentially since she was born."
"The doggo has bitten a hole into its belly, so we sew onto it like a lion head sticker, to keep its guts inside."
"One time we were on holiday visiting family, and she left it there, luckily I was staying a bit longer so I could grab it on my way back."
"An adult man with a teddy bear that had its guts torn open and fixed with a lion bandaid apparently looks pretty suspicious, so they shoved the poor guy into x-ray 3-4 times."
"She is still in ownership of the teddy bear and it is still in decent shape."- Gacsam
It's A Weapon For A Certain Type Of Person...
"I had a nutcracker in my carry-on."
"Like a legit, festive Christmas soldier nutcracker."
"It was a gift for my mom's birthday, she collects them."
"I was only flying in for 2 days for my grandmas funeral so didn't check any luggage."
"They stopped me and questioned me for 30 minutes."
"Kept insinuating I was going to use it as a weapon."= Pamplem0usse__
desperate housewives nutcracker GIF by HULUGiphySpider Truck. Spider Truck. Does Whatever A...
"When the Andrew Garfield Spiderman's first came out they did some amazing merch for them."
"My Stepdad is a HUGE Spidey fan, so I picked him up the corniest Spiderman film merch when in the US, one of those being like a whirling cement truck thing?"
"It was a big tonka sized thing and the only bag it would fit in was my carry-on."
"They stopped me and said 'Is that a spiderman toy?' and I took it out and showed them."
"They said it was the best thing they'd seen all day."- CharacterSuccotash5
No Smuggling Of Animals
"Glass jellyfish"
"Like those blown glass ones that are super cool at art galleries."
"I got pulled aside into a small room because they thought I was smuggling sea life. Was an interesting time."- Aelsar
When Things Look Like Other Things
"One time my dad had a few rocks of petrified wood in a bag, and had his phone charger right next to it."
"They almost went DEFCON 1 and did radio people to show up and act if it went down."
"But they opened the bag and saw it was rocks and a charger."
"They told him that it looked absolutely identical to what they had been taught a bomb looked like."- AudiieVerbum
Phone Charging GIFGiphyOne Last Look For Ol' Mom
"My mom passed away unexpectedly in California."
"I flew out to pick up her ashes and there was a terror alert at LAX."
"It was unreal; the military was in the airport with what looked like machine guns."
"I was out of my mind with grief and drugged to the gills."
"I was dealing with a bad back, and had to fly from California to a small town in Virginia for the memorial service."
"Security was heightened and everyone was being searched."
"I only had a small carry on and my mom’s ashes."
"When I got to the TSA, the agent wanted me to open my mother’s box of ashes! "
"I refused and insisted they x ray the box instead."
"It showed nothing inside ( duh- ashes) which convinced the TSA agent that it had some sort of cloaking device and was hiding a bomb."
"Again he insisted that I open the box that held my mom’s ashes."
"I was beginning to lose my sh-t."
"I called my husband who works in nuclear power and explained what was going on."
"He told me to tell the TSA agent to place a coin under the box and send it through the X-ray again."
"He did and thank goodness he saw the coin."
"Otherwise I would have been arrested for assaulting a stupid TSA agent."- Due_Judgment_9518
Agents Put Up With All Sort Of Sh*t...
"Previous TSA Agent here - not a passenger."
"This happened on like my 2nd day of training in baggage."
"A bag went off & I had to clear it."
"The owner, a gay gentleman, stood directly across from me, glaring thru my soul."
"I opened the bag & the very first thing in it was a plastic 'laundry bag' from a hotel."
"So I squished that bag, as we were supposed to do, and looked over at my trainer with this look on my face."
"He was confused & I just kinda shook my head like 'please don't make me do this'."
"The passenger had a smirk on his face at this point."
"Of course, I HAD to take it out of the bag."
"It was a dildo COVERED IN sh*it & they'd JUST used it before heading to the airport & didn't bother to clean it off!"
"I whipped it out so everyone saw, my trainer was hiding behind the x-ray ROLLING laughing, & I had to swab it to test it for explosives."
"Of course it cleared, so I put it back in the bag & the guy's boyfriend was standing by him at this point."
"Passenger says to me (all pissy) 'Happy now? Did you see what you wanted to?'"
"The bf is also rolling at this point."
"I just put the bag on the floor, scanned it thru the x-ray again & dropped it on the conveyor to go downstairs to cargo."
"My trainer was like OMFGGGGG...I SWEAR that NOTHING like that has ever happened before!"
"Of course the story spread quickly to everyone else & for a while, til people knew me/my name better, I was "THAT girl"- HalloweenFreak260
You Never Know When You'll Have The Craving...
"Not me, but my friend went on a family vacation."
'Her dad’s carry on gets flagged and TSA starts freaking out calling back up, and ask him to come over to them."
"As he walks by my friend he just says 'oh no, it’s the jerky'."
'This man brought 14 PACKS of jerky in his carry on for each day of the trip and TSA thought it was sticks of dynamite, and then had a good laugh at the suitcase full of beef jerky."- raccoonslikecheese
Beef Jerky Texfest GIF by H-E-BGiphyDon't Be Fooled By Their Sweetness
"M&M’s"
"They thought I was smuggling drugs."- hchristian13
Double Check What Counts As A Liquid...
"Not necessarily weird but Peanut Butter."
"We were going to Disney and we brought groceries to make sandwiches and they took it away."
"I wouldn't have considered peanut butter a liquid but I guess so."- PrincessLuma
Double The Trouble
"I have two stories."
"We were flying to the Caribbean for my aunt’s wedding and everyone got through alright except my uncle."
"He kept setting the machine off no matter what he did."
"He had taken out all of the change in his pockets, his belt off, his jewelry etc., and it still went off."
"I want to point out this was not long after 9/11 so security was a bit different to what it was when he last had flown."
"So when the metal handle thingy scanned him and it went off on his hip the TSA asked 'are you made of mental sir?'"
"In a surprised voice then my uncle just responded 'oh sh*t sorry mate, I didn’t know it would detect my metal hip joint!'"
"They had a laugh about it to each other and he was let through."
"Second story."
"I was coming back from Germany and the day before somehow I have come down with a severe throat infection."
" I lost my voice and could barely speak."
"The TSA were asking me all these questions and honestly it was pretty awkward because they couldn’t hear me despite how hard I tried, they took it well and asked if I was okay."- After-Land1179
sore throat GIF by Sign with RobertGiphyLet's Not Forget, They Do Have A Job To Do...
"I had injured my ankle so had it wrapped in some of that adhesive wrap tape, with a sock and shoe over it."
"Bomb dog alerted on the bandage."
"The TSA agents were extremely nice, got me a chair I could sit in since I was limping and we had a great talk about books while they were doing the routine check of my bags etc."
"They were extremely baffled and couldn't figure out why the dog alerted, so brought it back over to see exactly where it alerted."
"Once they figured it out we all had a good laugh and they made sure I made it safely to my gate."- WanderingWordsmith19
Talk About Bad Hair Day
"My hair."
"Every time I fly out of Logan in Boston."
"They pull me aside and pat down my hair."
"I finally got a black lady that told me that it's the thread in weaves and wigs."
"Sometimes they use something similar to thin monofilament wire."
"It doesn't always show up so they check to make sure it's just a weave that doesn't double as a bomb I guess?"- bballpixie
Ever been stopped by the TSA for something silly? Tell us about it in the comments.
But thanks to Redditor pumpboy, you may find yourself traveling with ease.
The Orignal Poster asked:
"What are your airport tips and tricks?"
You arrive at the airport. Now keep in mind of the following.
Information From The Source
"Don’t just trust the gate number on your phone app, always double check with the airport screens."
– googooachu
Checking The Gate
"Don’t even trust the gate number at the gate. I showed up five hours early at the appointed gate. Waited around with no one else showing up. Then the people behind the counter grabbed their jackets and purses and left, even as the display still showed my flight."
"I went around the corner, looked at a screen, and found my flight had been moved to a gate at the other end of the airport. Ran through the airport and caught my flight 15 minutes before it was due to board."
– tangcameo
Announcements
"Also listen to all announcements near your gate. On my last flight everybody was confused because the gate changed but the screens in the airport would not change. They had to announce about 5 times that the gate changed before everybody started to move. I had a notification on my phone from the airline saying the gate changed before they ever announced it."
– Jsully05
Being Early
"Its better to be 3 hours early than 3 minutes late, airport food is cheaper than paying to book another flight."
– Fuzzwuzzle2
Restrooms on land are better than the ones on planes.
One Last Trip
"Always pee BEFORE you board."
– mikedashe
Unpredictable Waits
"Can't emphasize this enough."
"Oh well, we should be up in the air soon enough, I can hold it until then." "The fasten seatbelt sign has to go away at some point, right?"
"These are not acceptable thought processes. I've had these bright ideas only to get in line, and board, then have to wait another 45 - 90 minutes before I get to go pee. When you get in line, make sure you're in condition to hold it for a while. It's not always this bad, but it could turn that bar any moment."
– OwlCoveredInSnow
Here are some tips about carry-ons and water bottles.
Stay Hydrated
"At the security line, put all your things (phone, wallet, watch, belt, etc) that will need to be removed in your carry-on. It makes it much more efficient rather than taking each individual article and placing it into the bin."
"Bring an empty water bottle and fill it at the fountains. Air travel dehydrates you and most of us don't drink enough fluids anyway."
– kukukele
Beware The Bottle Pressure
"Once I filled up my water bottle in the airport. Later, while in mid flight, I flipped open the spout for the first time since filling it and I guess because of the pressure difference and my bottle being air-tight as the plane ascended, opening it instantly caused half the water in the bottle to come shooting out, blasting straight up like a geyser, hitting the ceiling of the cabin and coming down spraying all the strangers around me. I sheepishly apologized."
– bcmachine
Stay Cognizant Of Access
"In your carry on or especially in winter, it’s often easier to put it all in your coat pockets."
"And also pack with access in mind, especially when travelling abroad, sometimes you have to take out your laptop sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you have to include the charger. Sometimes iPads count. Just make sure they’re all in easy to access places."
– PhiloPhocion
A Hat Trick
"I often wear a ball cap and put everything from my pockets into that. Security will often tell you to empty your pockets into your carryon, but I rarely have the space. They’re always reluctant to hand out the tiny dog bowl sized bins which would be perfect."
– pfranz
Keep It Simple
"I always pack a smallish collapsable bag and when I'm sitting by the gate waiting to board I put in the things I want to access during the flight ( book, a couple snacks, headphones) from my carry on so I dont have to dig around in the carry on during the flight."
– Curlytomato
These tips may save your sanity.
Know Your Worth
"if you get bumped from a flight because the airline overbooked and you have to wait more than two hours then you are entitled to up to 4x your fare. Certain restrictions apply but point is dont let them take advantage of you."
– AussieBlender78
Seek An Advantage
"Always try to book an early flight. My father-in-law used to travel a lot and worked in an industry connected with the airlines. He said that the schedule board usually resets between 3 and 6 in the morning, so if there are late or cancelled flights causing a chain reaction in other areas that all tends to drop out of the system when it starts fresh the next day. I’ve never had a flight that left before 8 am that was noticeably late or canceled unless it just wasn’t safe to fly."
– gemurrayx
General Summary Of Tips
"I used to board 2-4 flights every week before COVID. Here are a few things:"
- "If you can then arrive early."
- "Have 2 bags. The backpack should contain all the stuff you would like to be available at moment's notice during the flight. The bigger trolley should only be opened once you have deboarded"
- "Stay away from the line that contains old people, kids, families. Queue up behind business travelers. There is an excellent scene in Up in The Air where Clooney profiles different kind of fliers. All of it is true."
- "Flight attendants have heard every single excuse for an upgrade. You can try but good luck. However, if you do get one than stop bragging about it. It might get them into trouble."
- "Flight attendants also like small gift like little bags of treats. If you are on a longer flight this is always an option to cheer someone up and make their day."
- "If you are frequent flier get a pair of noise canceling headphones."
- "Always check in as soon the window for check in opens. Usually 24 hours before the flight."
- "A small powerbank can make a world of difference."
- "The lounge is worth the money if you have a long layover or you are a frequent flier."
- "Always keep a small bag full of regular OTC medication you may need."
"Edit: Since someone mentioned wine I recalled that you can always fill a venti/trenta Starbucks cup with an entire bottle of wine. Edit -2: This is illegal as people have mentioned below and do it at your own risk. In my profession, a lot of people are functional alcoholics."
– satya314
Dispense With Social Graces
"Airports are lawless wastelands, like Fallout 3. There are no rules, all social miscues you’ve been taught to avoid are no more. Want to sit on the floor? F'king do it. Pizza and beer for breakfast? F'king do it. Fasting walking past old people to get in line faster? F'king do it. Survive."
– DogmeatIsAGoodDog
Hold On To Personal Belongings
"Never leave your bags unattended, never leave it with someone, I know it’s good to be human and be helpful but never carry anyone’s luggage for them. You don’t know who’s carrying contrabands or not and can easily put you in a jam."
– kevinokai
Yes, traveling is stressful for passengers. But airline employees and TSA agents put with the same, if not more, amounts of stress dealing with a whole slew of irritable passengers who take their aggression out on them.
I try my best to be kind towards them as they put up with a lot of B.S.
Who knows? Your friendliness may cause airline attendants at the check-in counter to conveniently "overlook" the maximum weight limit for your check-in luggage–like it happened to me once when I took the time to acknowledge their name and flashed them my pearly whites.
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Never miss another big, odd, funny or heartbreaking moment again.
For awhile I was thinking about becoming a flight attendant. You get to travel and constantly meet new people/and right there, new people, and I was done with that thought. People are crazy, especially now.
When on Qantas...
harry potter GIFGiphy"A Qantas flight attendant, who moonlighted as a sex worker at a high-end Sydney brothel, had sex with Ralph Fiennes (Voldermort) on an international flight and then bragged to everyone about it. The press got wind of it and made all the papers and nightly news. She was sacked from Qantas, but not the brothel."
"Fish"
"Relaying a story for a flight attendant friend of mine:"
"We see all sorts of stuff, typical customer service nonsense. I have plenty of stories of people thinking they're being subtle about touching themselves when everyone around knows what's happening. For me, though, the strangest one is when the gate supervisor came up the jetbridge and paged a passenger. The passenger hit his FA call button and we let him come up to the main door. The gate supervisor asked the passenger to describe his suitcase. Then the supervisor asked him what he had in his suitcase."
"Fish."
"Apparently, this guy had packed a bunch of fish he caught into his suitcase. He managed to get it through check-in and even through the TSA screen, but after being bumped and tossed in handling, by the time it got to the plane it was wet and smelly and the baggage loaders refused to put it on the plane (thank God)."
"The gate supervisor had to explain to this guy that everyone is going to be much happier if he gets off the plane and retrieves his suitcase, and even offered him rebooking and a voucher if he would come back without the fish. He deplaned and that's the last I heard of it."
The Diddlers...
"On Christmas Day we were working the last flight of the night and it was completely full. Every seat. There was a couple in the last row window and aisle seat. He proceeds to diddle her under their coats. We notice but don't make an issue out of it. Well when she's satisfied she proceeded to return the favor for him."
"Once again we notice but don't want to make a big deal out of it. When we land they were the very last two off the airplane and the grizzly senior lady I'm flying with calls out to them as they were about half way down the aisle. "Just so you know… that's crap you pulled doesn't put you in the mile high club… that doesn't count. Merry Christmas."
"They just turned beat red and scampered off the airplane as fast as they could. I looked at her like she was crazy, sure we were about to get fired. She winked at me and said what are they going to do? Write a letter to the company that we called them out for diddling each other on the airplane? We will be fine now come on kid let's go get a Christmas cocktail."
When unwell...
"I did a flight on New Year's Day a fair few years ago. A older gentleman passed out and his wife thought he had died. The other crew all went to assist and there was a doctor onboard luckily. We had to stop the food service while the gentleman was stabilized which took ages. Once he was stable we tried the food service again. However just as we were getting the trolly from the back galley a woman dramatically collapsed in front of it so we had to deal with her."
"We get her stable and back in her seat and then go for the trolly only for her to come back and collapse again in front of the trolly. It was news years day so this woman had partied too hard the night before and was why she felt sick. A crew member from the front comes down and says they had to stop the food service as well because a kid had thrown up all over the front galley and the toilet."
"We also had a parent who kept letting their child press the call bell for fun. I had to explain twice that it was not a toy and to stop lifting your child up to press the button. The paramedics came and the guy was taken to hospital but not before his wife said that the same thing happened on their flight out. Moral of this story is don't fly if you are very unwell and don't fly hungover."
Air baby
episode 17 friends GIFGiphy"Cousin is a FA. Had a VERY pregnant woman who was en route to deliver at a different hospital in the last 2 weeks of her pregnancy. Unfortunately, her baby wasn't waiting."
"Halfway through the trip, she starts going into labor. They move first class back one row (wasn't full) so they had room. Luckily, the flight had a shock trauma cardiothoracic surgeon and a Navy corpsman on board. She didn't know she was having twins (thought they were obligated to tell you?). One didn't make it. I'm guessing that's why she went into labor."
- tidytibs
That's a whole lot of drama for a few trips in the clouds. And what is the deal with doing it on a plane? Lord, take a deep breath and wait until your destination. Nasty.
Bless You...
britney spears phone GIFGiphy"The nicest flight attendant I ever had was the one that put in my grandpa's eyedrops so my grandma didn't have to. Thank you, JetBlue!"
Back in the Day
"My mom used to be a flight attendant in the '80s and '90s. The things she remembers most are 1) how frequently flights used have to make emergency landings for passengers who had anaphylactic reactions from people eating peanuts or seafood near them."
"2) the time she was put in charge of an unaccompanied minor and ended up having to spend 4 days with the child in a crew hotel, because the child got kicked off the plane for refusing to stop painting her nails and making the cabin stink of fumes."
Just Do It
"Former flight attendant here. Funniest story always is people who are joining the mile high club. You are absolutely allowed to have sex in a lavatory and we won't stop you. People slinking out of the bathroom with crap eating grins and red faces was always hilarious."
Ice Ice Baby...
"My aunt used to be a flight attendant for the airline that is now United. Anyway, she went through CPR training and the basics of helping someone via first aid in case of emergency. On one flight, a baby was choking on an ice cube and she got the cube out of its throat and saved the babies life. So the way she saved the baby putting the baby into her arm (baby facing down) and with her other arm she firmly hit the babies back and the force of the hit ejected the ice cube from the baby's throat."
Seriously?
New Girl Facepalm GIF by HULUGiphy"Man urinated on fellow passenger for not letting him smoke."
Humanity has gone mad; between urinating smokers and people who have to be duct taped to seats, chaos reigns. Thank you sky warriors. You have my gratitude. God speed and good journey!!!
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