"It's barely a scrape."
That's what my grandmother would always say when I fell.
In my mind, my limb was hanging off and I was already in need of a blood transfusion.
It takes time and deep breaths to decipher between a flesh wound and a mortal ending.
That's why it's helpful to have a granny who says...
"Get a band-aid, some vodka, and move on."
The vodka was after college.
Redditor Madameknitsalot wanted to hear about injury and exaggeration.
So they asked:
"What's your, 'Tis but a scratch!' moment?"
I can't stand the sight of blood, so any injury is drama to me.
When I Flewfail 40 year old virgin GIFGiphy
"I got hit by a car while riding my bicycle, flew through the air, bounced off his windshield breaking his windshield, my helmet and two vertebrae. Then thrown to the ground where my kneecap shattered and bone was sticking out of the skin. And as I lay there in shock (unaware of how badly I was injured) I thought 'I might be able to get back on my bike and ride home.'"
“Why? I’m good.”
"I got hit by a car my freshman year of high school. I went flying lost consciousness for a split second when I hit the ground (thank God for helmet). When I came to people were all around me asking if I was ok, and what happened etc. I was like 'Oh yea, I’m good. I’m gonna just get back on my bike and go now.” But didn’t really move. Then people started asking me to call an ambulance and my mom etc. I was like 'Why? I’m good.'”
"I even told my mom on the phone I was still gonna bike home. But as I was saying that, the people around me had started to move one of my legs and I watched as my foot proceeded to NOT move. I had broken both bones in my leg completely in half and part of ankle."
"Just pure adrenaline and shock. I also vividly remember thinking 'Huh this is what it feels like to get hit by a car.' Also the leg wasn’t setting right (probably from movement) and the doctor decided to put me on laughing gas as he tried to crack my bones back into place. Was in a stupor laughing as I felt my bones grind."
"Rolled my car. Got out of the car bewildered and in shock, noticing a kink in my neck. As someone who constantly cracks my knuckles/back/neck, my instinct was just 'Ah, I’m not hurt, thank God. Just need to crack my neck and I’ll be fine.'"
"Before I finished processing that train of thought I was held down in c-spine by the person behind me who had watched my crash (luckily he was an off-duty firefighter)."
"I had broken 3 vertebrae in my neck, I just couldn’t tell it yet from the adrenaline and shock. Required full surgery to fuse together with bone from my hip & plates/screws. Had there not been someone behind me and had I proceeded with my ‘tis but a scratch' instincts I’d be paralyzed or dead."
"I am a bartender in a nightclub. One night while working I was pouring a drink while I reached back with my other hand to open a fridge, and that's when I heard a 'pop' and got a huge pain in my back/shoulder area. the pain was pretty bad, but I was sure it was a pulled muscle and there wouldn't be much point in seeing a doctor other than getting meds."
"So I waited. fought through the pain which was so bad at times it was making it hard to breath. That was a Friday, I called off Saturday and had Sunday, Monday, Tuesday off before I went back to work Wednesday, once I biked into work. In all I waited 9 days total before finally deciding to go to the ER."
"I had a collapsed lung. called a spontaneous pneumothorax. 20 min after getting to the ER I was put into emergency surgery. I was essentially breathing with only one lung. Any major impact To my chest would have collapsed the other and probably killed me."
SPITS OUT BLOODarizona diamondbacks mlb GIFGiphy
"Back in my baseball days, when I was pitching. I completely lost a pitch, and it beaned a guy in the jaw. He throws his bat down, glares at me with the glariest of glares ever glared, SPITS OUT BLOOD, then calmly runs to first base as though nothing happened. It was terrifyingly badas**."
That's why I skip sports... the danger.
The Unburned.On Fire Burn GIF by UsGiphy
"Got blackout drunk while camping and fell hands first onto the grate that had been over the fire for hours."
"My wife and friends were all freaking out thinking I definitely had 3rd degree burns. I came out of my blackout in the bathroom with all of them trying to wash my hands in cold water. When all the soot came off... I was somehow completely unharmed. Since then I've been know as The Unburned."
"A couple weeks ago, I stepped on an ant hill and got a bunch of ant bites on my ankles. 3-4 days later, the itching was unbearable. I wasn't sleeping, my legs were swollen, and no amount of Benadryl or antihistamine cream was helping the itching. I finally went to a clinic to get a shot or whatever, because I clearly having some sort of allergic reaction."
"It was a staph infection that had spread from my ankles up to my knees. I would have died if this 1920 instead of 2020. I was on antibiotics for 10 days, and now several weeks later, the dead skin from the infection is still flaking off."
"Scratched ant bites with unclean hands and gave myself a staph infection. Ignored it for several days because it was just some bug bites."
Not to soothe pain but to eat...
"My little sister fell down about 15 steps at our grandma's house when she was a toddler, she got up, giggled and went to go eat some snacks. This other time (still a toddler) she was supposed to be napping, we were in the living room and heard a huge thud. We ran to the room thinking she'd fell out of the bed."
"Nope, she somehow managed to pull the TV down (this was the early 2000s, TVs were heavy af) and it fell on top of her. She was laying there in snow angel position and my mom freaked out. When we got the TV off her, she got up and asked for ice. Not to soothe pain but to eat. My little sister was and still is a champ."
Drop the Bar
"When I was a teenager I got jumped by a hoodlum trying to mug me. I was just walking along and they snuck up behind me and cracked me in the spine with an iron bar. Somehow the blow, instead of being painful, just went completely numb. So I turned around and said 'What the f**k was that?' - I''ll never forget the look of fear on the guys face - he just dropped the bar and ran. Still get a weird numb spot on my back from time to time."
In the Rink...Friday Dancing GIF by Robert E BlackmonGiphy
"I broke my arm at the skating rink, and skated for an hour before I even left. Then, after I left there, I went to a playground with my bf at the time and hung out. I didn’t go to the hospital until the next day."
See... we all can survive.
Do you have any interesting injury stories? Let us know in the comments.
Sudden injuries have worse timing than dirty jokes during a funeral eulogy.
So when painful disaster strikes, people usually just keep on keepin' on until someone passes out, there's blood everywhere, or at least one person wakes up in a speeding ambulance.
Though in some cases the injured party stays lucid through the whole ordeal, despite complete stupidity and hubris.
Everyone around them is utterly horrified and grossed out by the wound in question, but at least they're not having their style cramped, eh?
Some Redditors are no strangers to the moment when a small setback becomes a medical nightmare.
u/DudeFromSaudi asked, "What was your "Tis but a scratch!" moment?"
Crashed my motorcycle with my friends following me.
When we got to Denny's and I took off my jacket there was blood everywhere I had split my elbow open.Giphy
Wings Up, Kid
Cut my eye open when I was on vacation as a kid. It was an excruciating blunt force hit, but the cut was internal so you couldn't see it.
Mom insisted I go to the ER. Turns out my eye was filling up with blood internally and before long, they were debating whether to air lift me to a larger hospital.
Impressive Extension on that Diving Catch
Dislocated my shoulder playing football but said I could keep playing. I was wrong.Giphy
'Well that Escalated Quickly'
I thought I had a pulled muscle in my calf. It was a Deep Vein Thrombosis (pretty large blood clot) that cut loose and it ended up in a bi-lateral pulmonary embolism.
Eyes on the Prize
Someone threw a rock at my head which caused me to bleed all the way down to my chest before a major test in school and I just walked in and took the test gushing blood.
You Had Me at "Old Wooden"
I ripped open the webbing between my primary and middle fingers with a rusty screw while moving old wooden theatrical flats that had once been screwed together.
I called a friend to come help me wrap it up in gauze and she called the tech director in to call an ambulance. He nearly fainted; I got 11 stitches and a ten minute ambulance ride to the ER next door.Giphy
Surfers: Always the Craziest
Dislocated my knee surfing and walked across a crowded beach with the bottom half of my leg beneath my kneecap dangling like a twig in the wind.
Then I hopped across a main road before crawling to my car, then driving with one foot to the hospital.
"Not on the Eggs, Punk!"
Ripped 4 of 5 fingernails on one hand completely out of my fingers.
Bled so bad they sent me home from work, but only after like 30 minutes of continuing to bag peoples groceries with nitrile gloves filled with toilet paper onGiphy
"Sit Down, Have Some Sunflower Seeds. You Earned It."
Kid hit me in the head at full swing with an aluminum baseball bat at practice, knocked me straight on my butt.
Got up and jogged back to outer field to continue practice but after almost falling over like 3 times they took me out.
Listen to Women
Had a very small "cut" on my nose that never seemed to heal. Wife kept saying "you need to go to the dermatologist."
I had skin cancer in my nose, they had to actually cut open my nose to get it out.