Some of us, though, got dads who were right up there with Mr. Miyagi, Mr. Rogers (either the neighbor one or the superhero one works here) or Uncle Iroh. Reddit wanted to shine a spotlight on those dads and the wisdom they doled out:
Those who grew up with a good father. What was the most important thing you learned from him?
For real... we're kind of inspired right now.
You
"You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life ."
In other words, take responsibility for what you do, learn how to move past your mistakes, and realize that your actions have consequences.
My uncle said something similar. Learn to be happy with yourself, if you can't, then investigate why and fix it.
I want to add something to that, if I may.
You have to take care for yourself, to the end. You're the only person that can make yourself happy. Yes, this can be with other persons; but when you're in a bad relationship, bad environment or what ever then YOU are the person that should do something about it.
Don't stay with the person(s) that don't make you feel good, loved or are bad for you.
Walk Anyway
wave lol GIF by Shalita GrantGiphyWe were once watching the show Survivor, and on this particular episode the people were flown in to where they were set to be stranded. The catch was that they had to trek quite a ways to their camps, and beforehand they voted on who they thought the weakest link would be right off the bat and based on first impressions.
The lady that was voted as weakest got a ride to camp rather than having to walk. My dad scoffed and said "Screw that, I would have walked anyway to prove them all wrong."
Simple, but it has stuck with me ever since. In the context of a survival game it's a bad move; conserve your energy. But I think for me it's about more than that.
It's a reminder that it's easier to be lazy, especially when others expect it from you, than to hold up the personal standards you should carry for yourself. Don't let them carry you. If they think you're too weak to walk, walk anyway.
- le_trout
Default To Kindness
My dad taught me to always be kind. Kindness isn't loud, it doesn't need to be stated. It should just be inherent in everything you do.
You don't have to like everyone or treat them well if they don't treat you well, but you should try to approach everyone with the same kindness you'd wish they'd give you.
Same! Also, you can cut ties without burning bridges. It's okay to say "this person no longer needs to be in my life, but I won't hurt then while I say goodbye"
Easy Ain't It
If it was easy, everyone would do it.
I follow a modified version of this in business: If it was fun or exciting or easy, they wouldn't pay us to do it instead.
It's a lesson that some of the most boring, basic, monotonous stuff imaginable can make you the most money. On the flip side; the funnest, most interesting stuff is the stuff that the clients all want to try doing for themselves (or there's an over-saturated market of people doing it.)
The more annoying and complex the better because they'll pay us extra to deal with it for them.
Listen
If you don't know how to make things better, just listen.
Dads like fixing problems but a lot of problems my sister and I had weren't things he could do anything about (friendship problems, breakups), but he'd listen to us vent about it.
People really value having someone listen to them, my friend went through a really hard time a few years ago and ended up getting depression. Some friends just left her to it but I invited her round, let her just talk. I've never experienced depression so felt so helpless not knowing how to fix it, but just listening to her and being present was still a help to her.
- Char1112
Time
To kids, Time = Love
- headdna
Thiiiiissssss. Buying your kids the latest toys etc is no where near as impactful as spending time with them. I've realised over the last few years how many things my dad took me too or did with me that wouldn't have been necessarily up his alley but he genuinely found happiness in spending time with us.
We didn't have a lot of money and therefore didn't have a lot of "things" but I feel luckier because my dad spent as much time with us as he could. If I become a parent that's one of the most important values I want to live up to.
Sober
If you ever feel like you have a problem, just know you can live a full happy life without alcohol. He couldn't control it, and neither could I. He gave it up so he could have his son in his life, I gave it up because of his example.
Mine never taught me this. He died because he choked on his vomit when I was 7 years old. It took 10 years in a drunken stupor and a few rotten teeth for me to realize that something had to change.
This lesson is more important than we know.
- Thwashow
Priorities, Purpose and Patience
music video GIFGiphyTo always make your loved ones a priority. Make it your purpose. My dad worked hard to give us a comfortable life and more opportunities than most. And after what I can only assume was a long and tiring day, the first thing he'd do was sit and watch cartoons with me and my brothers while asking us about our day.
And when he was forced to quit his job and decided to start up his own company, go on for half a year without income, I can only imagine how stressful it was to be so uncertain about the future while providing for a family of 6. I was slightly young but I never knew anything was wrong. He never let it show. And even though he worked probably ten hours a day, he always took the time to ask me how I was doing and go to every important event with us. My dad was and is a superhero. Always will be.
The next thing I'd say I learnt from him was patience. Whenever he was upset with me or thought there was something up, he'd ask me about it and wait until I was done with my side before saying anything. Really made me feel heard and less worried to tell him something even when I knew its not what he'd like to hear.
Indulgence Encouraged
My dad taught me to indulge my love for learning.
Want to read a history of the Aztecs at 6 years old? He took me to the library and we got a real history book and he helped explain what I had a hard time reading. Want to help in the garage? He taught me all the tools and taught me how to clean them and oil them and how to use them.
He always took me seriously and answered every question. He was my greatest teacher and my biggest defender and my rock. I lost him in 2003 and I have missed him every minute since then. How I raised my kids has a whole lot to do with how he raised me.
Make It Make Sense
My favorite quote came from the early 2000's. He died 11 years ago.
"If the way this world works ever starts to make sense to you, you need to start worrying about yourself."
The world is absolutely as screwed up as it looks. Don't let it screw you up trying to make sense of it.
My dad would say that his father taught him that things would never make sense if he didn't pay attention.
My dad told me that the opposite would be true by the time I grew up. Right he was.
- T65bX
Not About Success
Life is not about success, attaining things, status, etc. Those things have a place, but they shouldn't be your main focus.
Instead, concentrate on being a better version of yourself. Grow, learn, be honest with people and be honest with yourself (which is harder imo). Cultivate real relationships with people. Take care of and be grateful for the one's you love. It's okay to fail, but it's not okay to not try.
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Unfortunately, following doctor's orders resulted in an altercation that left her feeling like a monster.
Redditor "f*ckeduppface" asked the "Am I the A$$hole" (AITA) subreddit community if she was out of line for confronting the father who told her to cover up her face since it was scaring his 4-year-old son.
The close confrontation took place while the original poster (OP) was on a flight home to visit her family.
"I sustained very bad injuries to my face this month. I'm in the stage of healing when the scar tissue has formed, but it's still very tender 'new skin.' I'm going to have very obvious facial scarring for the rest of my life."
"The injury starts about an inch above my hairline, goes down over my brow so that on part, hair will not grow. It continues down my cheek where it is deepest; I'll always probably have an indentation in the fullest part of my cheek. Then it continues to my jawline."
"In some ways it's OK. I'm happy it's just cosmetic damage. My friends are super reassuring, telling me how badass and sick it's gonna look. They say I'm still as hot as ever, now a little more sexy and mysterious lol."
"But in some ways it really sucks...I know that I'm always gonna be seen first as 'the girl with the scar' and it feels especially bad when people look at me differently."
Accepting her new reality, she tried to keep her head up and face the world with upcoming travel plans.
"This week, I had to fly home for a family thing; it was a plan I'd made long before my injury. I wasn't really looking forward to the pity or people making a big deal of it; I'd rather it not be acknowledged."
"I'd also met with my dermatologist who said that I was at the stage of scar tissue formation that I no longer should be dressing the wounds; the skin was healing and instead I needed to be applying topical cream and Vaseline to keep the site clean and moist."
"It also looks a bit ugly; the building scar tissue is very red and tender, and with the Vaseline over it, looks slick and shiny."
"So I get on this flight; I have the window seat and I put on my headphones and drift off to sleep when the plane is still boarding."
She woke up only to realize the nightmare about to take place was not a dream.
"I wake up to this kid, maybe 4 years old, sat next to me, throwing a tantrum. I didn't catch the first part of it and I honestly couldn't understand what he was yelling about..."
"His father said to me, 'Can you cover that injury?'"
"I said that my dermatologist recommends I don't, so no I don't think I will."
The OP's response sent the father aggressively into protective mode.
"He started snapping at me saying 'there is no need to be so rude. That injury is graphic and it's scaring my little one.'"
"I said 'this is my face. The only d*mn face I've got. It sucks being told I'm so ugly I can't show my godd*mn face in public.'"
She could not stay silent after being stigmatized.
"He started to backtrack saying 'just until it's healed' and I said 'it'll always be with me. Maybe teach some f*cking compassion and respect instead of telling a girl half your d*mn age what you think about her face. That's rude."
"He actually got up after that and I think went to a stewardess about a seat change because a young couple came to sit next to me in a few minutes instead."
After the situation was taken care of, deep regret set in.
"I've gotta admit I felt so low that I put on my sunglasses and had a quiet cry for a few minutes."
"AITA for not covering my healing scar, and for being confrontational about it?"
The responses were all overwhelmingly positive for the OP, with many of the comments reflecting she is NTA (not the a$$hole).
"Dear god no you're absolutely NTA. People that are that heartless shouldn't be allowed in public. Jfc. I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"It does sound like it looks pretty bada$$, for the record! Rock what you got girl!" – rckblykitn14
"Seconded! You sound very cool and bada$$. It's hard to stand up for yourself like that and you f*cking nailed it!" – mother_of_wolf
Not everyone would have handled this the same way as the OP.
"You know how I got this 'wound'? Some a$$hole bothered me while I was minding my own business."
"*Father grabs little one and leaves*"– SashaStriker
While her scar is not ideal, many of the commenters encouraged her to embrace her new look.
"Hell yeah it's bada$! From her description that is literally the type of scar they I immediately chose when I am making a bada$ in a game."
"It is f*cking amazing. Not trying to downplay the injury or the affect it may have on her future though, it's just so f*cking cool." – demonmonkey89
"It also sounds like you may have embarrassed him! Congrats!"
"And honestly, your description makes it sound like you are going to be the owner of a pretty bad a$$ scar. You own it, not the other way around. So kick a$$ and take names!" – sugerplum1972
"In my head she's going to look like a Witcher after the scar heals, which is the most bada$$ looking thing ever." – omaewamu_shinderu
People admired her hutzpah.
"OP sounds like someone who would strut away from exploding buildings in slow mo." – gotothebloodytop
And she was reminded of her priorities.
"OP, the only thing that matters as to whether you should be covering your scar is what your doctor recommends."
"You should be caring for your wound as directed. After that, only your feelings on the subject matter."
"Anyone else who even dares to have an opinion deserves to have their head bitten off." – oxytocin_tattoo
It was a missed opportunity for a teachable lesson.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you! What a sh*t father- could have been a great teaching opportunity for his child that some people are different and that's totally ok, we don't treat them any differently."
"The fact that you are even concerned abt being the a$$hole tells me you are a beautiful person." – AddisonArmilda
Redditor "KahurangiNZ" has a similar facial scar and commiserated with the OP.
The user believed the child's dramatic reaction to the OP's face was "learned behavior."
The person also talked about dealing with children who are more curious than afraid.
"Absolutely. The father had an awesome teaching moment, and completely blew it."
That said, I'm guessing that the kids over-the-top reacting was a learned behavior, quite likely from Dad, which puts him firmly in the position of TA not just for what he said to OP, but for teaching his kid to actively fear or be disgusted by anything that doesn't fit his version of 'normal.'"
"It's a small slide from 'ew, that's a horrible scar, hide it' to 'ew, your skin is the wrong color,' etc."
"I also have a significant scar on my face (lip to the side of my chin and the enervation/muscles are a bit munted so when I smile a section of my chin pulls in funny ways), and in my experience, little kids are curious but not in the least bit afraid."
"They want to ask what it is, how it happened, does it hurt, they want to touch, and I'm perfectly happy to tell them I had an accident and ended up with a scar and it's just a part of who I am now."
"No drama, no grumpiness, it's just, yeah I have brown hair and hazel eyes and a scar."
"I've made a point of teaching my child that people are people regardless of what their exterior looks like, and that it's what's on the inside that really counts."
"When he was little, if he was curious about someone/something I'd explain what he was asking about (e.g., a person using a wheelchair has some sort of injury or disability that means they can't walk at the moment and for some people that might be temporary and for others it could be permanent; the person with the tattoos down their arm has chosen to permanently decorate their skin, etc)."
"OP, you are very much NTA. And I hope that you are (or can become) accepting of this change and that it is now just another part of you."
"While you may not necessarily consider it good (although I hope you find it aesthetically pleasing in some way), it's definitely not bad either, it's just ...there."
"If people want to be judgmental about it, that's their problem, not yours."
The Redditor was not about to end her post without helping a fellow friend.
"Oh, and I found good quality Aloe Vera and Vitamin A and E cream helped the skin healing a lot more than just an emollient ointment. You might like to ask your doctor if that's worth a try. :-)"
One could only hope the father from the flight became contemplative after stoking his son's fear with the confrontation and had a sensible discussion about people looking different.
Because impressions can be just as permanent as scars.
Reddit user u/GermansOnAPlane is notable for two reasons.
First, that's a solid throwaway handle and tastefully relevant to the oncoming post.
Second, he has the just about the "cringiest" story in the universe to tell.
Right out of the gate this guy has no shame for the underlying motives at play here, understandably.
The actions produced by that conviction are out and out horrifying, but that's coming later.
"This morning I fell asleep on the plane. It was an early flight. Napping was inevitable."
Fair enough.
The guy goes on to even share some conscientious thinking.
"Now, when it comes to sleeping on a plane, I always get insecure about my slack-jawed coma face. Hence, window seat."
A real poster-child of politeness we got here.
"I was able to comfortably doze off without facing the passengers next to me. Whom, by the way, was a dad and his teenage daughter who only seem to speak German."
After slumbering for an undisclosed length of time, u/GermansOnAPlane was struck by a brutal turning point.
"The moment my eyes opened, my face was on the daughter's boob while the dad was frantically shaking me awake."
Dear God.
The poor soul.
It feels important to mention that the idea of doing anything "frantic" with about 3 inches of leeway is a startling image. That seems like prime conditions for an injury.
Now awake, our storyteller faced the aftermath.
"The daughter, who also happened to be asleep, woke up the same time I did and immediately started ranting in German."
"I backed as far away from her boobs as possible and profusely apologized to both of them."
Again, the situation offers about the same amount of space and mobility as a cryogenic freezing tomb. "Backed as far away from her boobs as possible" likely impressed nobody.
Our man then became a bit too conscientious.
"If that wasn't awkward enough, I also felt compelled to offer the daughter a tissue to wipe away my drool from her chest."
They say when you're in a hole it's best to stop digging.
The mishap ended with some on-cue fatherly temper.
"The dad wasted no time making his daughter switch seats with him. She didn't seem too happy about that, but he didn't give a f**k."
"His primary objective was to provide a barrier between my face and his daughter's breast."
Immediately, Reddit was johnny on the spot with how the guy should have played it.
"Assert dominance and sleep on his boob too" u/Axelaxelaxe
"Fall asleep on the dad to show him your sleep is serious and holds no discrimination" u/MrMiao
"Did you have a phone on you? I'd have been using Google Translate to frantically write an apology." u/HoorayForYage
Some were keen supporters of his conduct, absolving him completely of any guilt.
"'I backed as far away from her boobs as possible and profusely apologized to both of them'...Why did you apologize to both boobs when you only offended one of them?" u/markatroid
"At least you didn't mention the war." u/MDev01
"Who hasn't done this? German boobs are the third best for plane rides." u/texasyoda
Others had similar stories of their own.
"I do slack jaw sleeping too. I found wearing a face mask keeps me aesthetically pleasing as well as preventing me from drying out my tongue LOL" u/wolf_fee
"Who hasn't woken up with their face mushed up against an unfamiliar boob. This is a rite of passage in some cultures."
"I'm pretty sure the dad only switched seats so he could share his similar voyage to manhood with you. At that point you're like a son to him." u/SeVaSNaTaS
"Reminds me of when I was 11 and I fell asleep on a flight."
"I wake up 20 minutes before the flight lands, with head getting shaken. I manage to look up and see the dude frantically trying to get my head off his shoulder."
"My dad told me afterwards that he had been trying to do that for 2 hours." u/chaunsey_jones
And, of course, there were the totally irrelevant contributors.
"It's "who" not "whom" when it's the subject of the clause." u/bucket_of_nothing
"Hey, it beats getting Incepted." u/bshaddo
Safe to say, if you ever find yourself accidentally doing a wildly uncomfortable thing in public, drooling where you shouldn't, there's a safe space for ya in at least one corner of the internet.
The only thing she knew was her dad's name Trevor Sinden—which was told to her by a social worker when she was 18.
She tried to find him but with little information she failed—until decades later when she saw the name on the 'suggested friends' feature on the social media site.
Karen Harris / SWNS
Karen, of Penryn, Cornwall, saw Trevor lived 350 miles away in Kent but scanned the profile and from his details and history realized she might be looking at her father.
The pair then chatted for weeks and met for the first time in an emotional reunion on Friday—and they both said it was like they have known each other their whole lives.
Karen, 56, said her birth parents gave her up for adoption in the early 1960s.
They were teenagers and she was born out of wedlock, which she says "wasn't the done thing in those days".
She added:
"You just don't feel as though you belong."
''Looking at your family that brought you up, you're really grateful that they brought you up but you don't have that sense of belonging."
"Now I've found completion. I've found connection and completion and I'm cherishing it."
The re-united father and daughter decided to meet in Lyme Regis, Dorset, roughly halfway between Cornwall and Kent.
When they first spotted each other, they hugged for so long that a passerby said:
"I hope you know each other."
They had a lot of catching up to do in the following days, which were spent going on walks and searching for fossils on the Jurassic Coast.
Karen Harris / SWNS
Karen was also introduced to two of her long-lost cousins and has had "an amazing time with many new memories."
Trevor, 72, added:
"It's like all of her Christmases at the same time. It's so surreal, the chances of actually meeting were so slim."
"I have looked on the internet but could never find her. It's early days but I feel we already know each other quite well."
"If it wasn't for Facebook we wouldn't have met."
Karen had known few details about her father since she approached an adoption agency at the age of 18 seeking to find her birth parents.
A social worker shared with her what details they could and Karen managed to track down her mother around ten years later, after she had had a child of her own.
Finding her father proved to be more difficult.
She knew he was an electrician from Croydon but it was not until seeing that the information on his Facebook profile matched what she had been told that she knew she had finally found him.
He responded immediately and after seven weeks of chatting every day, they decided to meet.
She added:
"Those who are adopted can understand that moment when you first see someone other than yourself in a mirror that has your cheek bones, your eyes, your chin."
''It is something that someone who isn't adopted probably can't relate to or understand, but it changes the way you look at the world."
"Now there is someone else like me, loving me for me and I cherish every moment. I'm incredibly blessed to find him now."