This is your time gents. Speak up and share. No judges here.
Never You
Family Love GIF by HollyoaksGiphy"I play with my daughter all the time but at the end of the day, she always prefers mummy."
madeinthearcade
Care work is work...
"Well I quit my job to pursue my dream of owning my own business but it's going to take a long time to get there so right now, I'm just a stay at home dad. I thought it'd feel awesome being at home and being with my daughter while my wife works. It is awesome being with my daughter each day but man I feel kinda crappy now being a stay at home dad, like I'm not doing my part as a husband and father."
sk8t-4-life22
Dissatisfaction
"My gf becoming dissatisfied with the relationship and slowly losing the affection she has for me eventually leading her to cheat."
Fluffy_Carpenter1377
"This is how I feel. I’m afraid that somebody might come around who will catch her attention. And then just like that, she will be gone. I try my best every day to be the best boyfriend that i’ve learned to be. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in past relationships. This relationship I will not f**k up. I want this woman to be by my side."
kenzo-tx
Perfection
"That I'm not worthy of her. She's the total package and I'm just... me. What makes it really crazy is that we have been together for almost 34 years and I still feel this way. In no way, shape, or form has she shown me that this might be true. She's literally the perfect partner."
HatesNewUsernames
"just settling"
Thatll Do Schitts Creek GIF by CBCGiphy"That I am not good enough, in any sense of the word, and that my partner is 'just settling' because I'm stable. Can't help but feel sometimes they're just waiting for something better to come alone, ya know?"
ACalcifiedHeart
It's sad how we all think we're unique in our worries. But yet, here we are, more alike than not.
Listen
Listen Season 6 GIF by FriendsGiphy"That I cannot fix every problem they have and that I am not always the problem when they’re upset. I have to let them be upset and understand it’s not always me and it’s okay to just listen to them."
DankMemesMateus
Show me the...
"The lack of money that I make."'
Crocodile_toes
"Just to chime in here because most people haven’t really understood you. It’s ok as a man to have an expectation of yourself to be able to provide for your family. If the wife earns more so be it but if crap hits the fan then you know you got your family covered financially when the worst happens."
Suspicious_row_95
Wrong Time
"I know it is unlikely but dying at the wrong time. Like driving the family somewhere or she is at work (she works odd hours) and it is just me and the kids. I had this walking nightmare for years of me getting like a stroke while driving down the highway and sliding out of control with everyone screaming or me just keeling over at home while my kids sit with my corpse for 6 hours. As for why maybe it is because I like problem solving stuff for them and one day that is going to go away."
who_said_I_am_an_emu
Judgement
"The fact that I’m about to be a stay at home dad and her parents keep bothering me about what I’m gonna do. She’ll makes significantly more than I ever could and there’s literally no point in me working anymore. I just don’t like being judged. Thank you all for the thoughts and encouragement! To clear a matter up I tend to be a people pleaser and it’s something I’m really trying to work past right now, so I may not want to care about what they think, but I still do at this time!"
Square_Swordfish_916
HER
Smooch Love GIF by molehillGiphy"I married her because she is the only woman I have been with that actually makes all my insecurities go away."
craggbart
"actually there"
"Giving them the feeling of not being there for them enough. I tend to be very quiet and introverted. I've been told several times that I'm too much in my head and that they have the feeling I'm not 'actually there.' But I try to work on it and be more open about my feelings and stuff."
No-Education818
Sexy Parts
"Overly High sex drive/vicious adhd = constantly horny unfocused husband."
erolswife
"Now imagine having a girl that has no sex drive at all and you don't get to 'repay' her for what she does. It's so frustrating."
Sharktos
"Idk if this helps, but as the partner with the lower sex drive, it genuinely makes me happy when I can satisfy my partner. I don't need the exact kind of return favor because making them feel good does make me feel good, just not in my sexy parts."
Zepheria
Love Me
"Not knowing why the f they would ever love me. So there must be a other reason, and it can't be money."
BaikenNuffSaid
"The guy I'm dating often says this same thing and he says it in a half-joking way but I think deep down he means it. I find it a little distressing because I don't think he really believes me when I tell him how much I like him or when I compliment him and things like that. I just want him to feel as good about himself as I feel about him."
bain_de_beurre
Farewell
animation goodbye GIFGiphy"That one day, out of seemingly nowhere, they’ll no longer care for me. And when it happens, it hurts."
neekerbeeker3
"Have you ever heard of 'The Walkaway wife syndrome?' Maybe it can clear some things up."
OhMissFortune
Be More
"Not being enough for her. I know I work my butt of at work, emotionally supportive, and giving goals and lead way to what’s next in life. However, there’s always that voice that says you need to be more, it’s not enough, try harder. So, I push the living hell outta myself."
PunkedRebel
Bringing it down...
"For me it's feeling like i'm a drag on my partners life. I have several health issues that leave me in extreme pain near constantly, constantly sleep deprived and without any energy or motivation to do anything besides lay in bed and watch tv or listen to music while cuddling with my girlfriend."
"Meanwhile my girlfriend is a perfectly healthy, energetic and full of life young adult who wants new experiences and doesn't want to spend a minute more than she needs to resting. I try my best to keep up and if i can't do a certain activity she wants to try."
"I actively encourage her to do whatever it is she is wanting to do (i.e go to an amusement park, go on a road trip, go carting, activities like that) with her friends, but at the end of the day the unavoidable truth is i am a damper on her life and i don't see why someone like that is willing to be in a relationship with someone like me."
dman2316
Lucky
"Not being good enough. I’ve felt this way all my life to the point where it’s my normal. This is because of the way my family and friends treated me in the past. So, it was a bit of a shock when my girlfriend treated me the complete opposite way by loving me and telling me that I’m more than enough for her. The feeling of inadequacy comes up from time to time and i still have not fully dealt with it. I am really lucky though to have her as my girl."
smdik123
Still Human
Valentines Day Love GIF by Dave GamezGiphy"I have a hole in my chest cause I was born without my chest bone so now it is weird to everyone."
ptross-12
Need Coin
"The fear of not continuing to make the money I do. Over time my life has become dependent of my income, but it’s rare to get paid the way I do. So I genuinely fear not being able to find a job to keep my obligations in check. And before you say that I could downsize my life, I did. I have no debt, but because my ex and I were married for so long she gets about 2/3’rds my paycheck. I’m legally obligated to pay her that."
snwbrdj
Everyone has insecurities gentlemen. You're not alone.
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Some of us, though, got dads who were right up there with Mr. Miyagi, Mr. Rogers (either the neighbor one or the superhero one works here) or Uncle Iroh. Reddit wanted to shine a spotlight on those dads and the wisdom they doled out:
Those who grew up with a good father. What was the most important thing you learned from him?
For real... we're kind of inspired right now.
You
"You are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life ."
In other words, take responsibility for what you do, learn how to move past your mistakes, and realize that your actions have consequences.
My uncle said something similar. Learn to be happy with yourself, if you can't, then investigate why and fix it.
I want to add something to that, if I may.
You have to take care for yourself, to the end. You're the only person that can make yourself happy. Yes, this can be with other persons; but when you're in a bad relationship, bad environment or what ever then YOU are the person that should do something about it.
Don't stay with the person(s) that don't make you feel good, loved or are bad for you.
Walk Anyway
wave lol GIF by Shalita GrantGiphyWe were once watching the show Survivor, and on this particular episode the people were flown in to where they were set to be stranded. The catch was that they had to trek quite a ways to their camps, and beforehand they voted on who they thought the weakest link would be right off the bat and based on first impressions.
The lady that was voted as weakest got a ride to camp rather than having to walk. My dad scoffed and said "Screw that, I would have walked anyway to prove them all wrong."
Simple, but it has stuck with me ever since. In the context of a survival game it's a bad move; conserve your energy. But I think for me it's about more than that.
It's a reminder that it's easier to be lazy, especially when others expect it from you, than to hold up the personal standards you should carry for yourself. Don't let them carry you. If they think you're too weak to walk, walk anyway.
- le_trout
Default To Kindness
My dad taught me to always be kind. Kindness isn't loud, it doesn't need to be stated. It should just be inherent in everything you do.
You don't have to like everyone or treat them well if they don't treat you well, but you should try to approach everyone with the same kindness you'd wish they'd give you.
Same! Also, you can cut ties without burning bridges. It's okay to say "this person no longer needs to be in my life, but I won't hurt then while I say goodbye"
Easy Ain't It
If it was easy, everyone would do it.
I follow a modified version of this in business: If it was fun or exciting or easy, they wouldn't pay us to do it instead.
It's a lesson that some of the most boring, basic, monotonous stuff imaginable can make you the most money. On the flip side; the funnest, most interesting stuff is the stuff that the clients all want to try doing for themselves (or there's an over-saturated market of people doing it.)
The more annoying and complex the better because they'll pay us extra to deal with it for them.
Listen
If you don't know how to make things better, just listen.
Dads like fixing problems but a lot of problems my sister and I had weren't things he could do anything about (friendship problems, breakups), but he'd listen to us vent about it.
People really value having someone listen to them, my friend went through a really hard time a few years ago and ended up getting depression. Some friends just left her to it but I invited her round, let her just talk. I've never experienced depression so felt so helpless not knowing how to fix it, but just listening to her and being present was still a help to her.
- Char1112
Time
To kids, Time = Love
- headdna
Thiiiiissssss. Buying your kids the latest toys etc is no where near as impactful as spending time with them. I've realised over the last few years how many things my dad took me too or did with me that wouldn't have been necessarily up his alley but he genuinely found happiness in spending time with us.
We didn't have a lot of money and therefore didn't have a lot of "things" but I feel luckier because my dad spent as much time with us as he could. If I become a parent that's one of the most important values I want to live up to.
Sober
If you ever feel like you have a problem, just know you can live a full happy life without alcohol. He couldn't control it, and neither could I. He gave it up so he could have his son in his life, I gave it up because of his example.
Mine never taught me this. He died because he choked on his vomit when I was 7 years old. It took 10 years in a drunken stupor and a few rotten teeth for me to realize that something had to change.
This lesson is more important than we know.
- Thwashow
Priorities, Purpose and Patience
music video GIFGiphyTo always make your loved ones a priority. Make it your purpose. My dad worked hard to give us a comfortable life and more opportunities than most. And after what I can only assume was a long and tiring day, the first thing he'd do was sit and watch cartoons with me and my brothers while asking us about our day.
And when he was forced to quit his job and decided to start up his own company, go on for half a year without income, I can only imagine how stressful it was to be so uncertain about the future while providing for a family of 6. I was slightly young but I never knew anything was wrong. He never let it show. And even though he worked probably ten hours a day, he always took the time to ask me how I was doing and go to every important event with us. My dad was and is a superhero. Always will be.
The next thing I'd say I learnt from him was patience. Whenever he was upset with me or thought there was something up, he'd ask me about it and wait until I was done with my side before saying anything. Really made me feel heard and less worried to tell him something even when I knew its not what he'd like to hear.
Indulgence Encouraged
My dad taught me to indulge my love for learning.
Want to read a history of the Aztecs at 6 years old? He took me to the library and we got a real history book and he helped explain what I had a hard time reading. Want to help in the garage? He taught me all the tools and taught me how to clean them and oil them and how to use them.
He always took me seriously and answered every question. He was my greatest teacher and my biggest defender and my rock. I lost him in 2003 and I have missed him every minute since then. How I raised my kids has a whole lot to do with how he raised me.
Make It Make Sense
My favorite quote came from the early 2000's. He died 11 years ago.
"If the way this world works ever starts to make sense to you, you need to start worrying about yourself."
The world is absolutely as screwed up as it looks. Don't let it screw you up trying to make sense of it.
My dad would say that his father taught him that things would never make sense if he didn't pay attention.
My dad told me that the opposite would be true by the time I grew up. Right he was.
- T65bX
Not About Success
Life is not about success, attaining things, status, etc. Those things have a place, but they shouldn't be your main focus.
Instead, concentrate on being a better version of yourself. Grow, learn, be honest with people and be honest with yourself (which is harder imo). Cultivate real relationships with people. Take care of and be grateful for the one's you love. It's okay to fail, but it's not okay to not try.
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Unfortunately, following doctor's orders resulted in an altercation that left her feeling like a monster.
Redditor "f*ckeduppface" asked the "Am I the A$$hole" (AITA) subreddit community if she was out of line for confronting the father who told her to cover up her face since it was scaring his 4-year-old son.
The close confrontation took place while the original poster (OP) was on a flight home to visit her family.
"I sustained very bad injuries to my face this month. I'm in the stage of healing when the scar tissue has formed, but it's still very tender 'new skin.' I'm going to have very obvious facial scarring for the rest of my life."
"The injury starts about an inch above my hairline, goes down over my brow so that on part, hair will not grow. It continues down my cheek where it is deepest; I'll always probably have an indentation in the fullest part of my cheek. Then it continues to my jawline."
"In some ways it's OK. I'm happy it's just cosmetic damage. My friends are super reassuring, telling me how badass and sick it's gonna look. They say I'm still as hot as ever, now a little more sexy and mysterious lol."
"But in some ways it really sucks...I know that I'm always gonna be seen first as 'the girl with the scar' and it feels especially bad when people look at me differently."
Accepting her new reality, she tried to keep her head up and face the world with upcoming travel plans.
"This week, I had to fly home for a family thing; it was a plan I'd made long before my injury. I wasn't really looking forward to the pity or people making a big deal of it; I'd rather it not be acknowledged."
"I'd also met with my dermatologist who said that I was at the stage of scar tissue formation that I no longer should be dressing the wounds; the skin was healing and instead I needed to be applying topical cream and Vaseline to keep the site clean and moist."
"It also looks a bit ugly; the building scar tissue is very red and tender, and with the Vaseline over it, looks slick and shiny."
"So I get on this flight; I have the window seat and I put on my headphones and drift off to sleep when the plane is still boarding."
She woke up only to realize the nightmare about to take place was not a dream.
"I wake up to this kid, maybe 4 years old, sat next to me, throwing a tantrum. I didn't catch the first part of it and I honestly couldn't understand what he was yelling about..."
"His father said to me, 'Can you cover that injury?'"
"I said that my dermatologist recommends I don't, so no I don't think I will."
The OP's response sent the father aggressively into protective mode.
"He started snapping at me saying 'there is no need to be so rude. That injury is graphic and it's scaring my little one.'"
"I said 'this is my face. The only d*mn face I've got. It sucks being told I'm so ugly I can't show my godd*mn face in public.'"
She could not stay silent after being stigmatized.
"He started to backtrack saying 'just until it's healed' and I said 'it'll always be with me. Maybe teach some f*cking compassion and respect instead of telling a girl half your d*mn age what you think about her face. That's rude."
"He actually got up after that and I think went to a stewardess about a seat change because a young couple came to sit next to me in a few minutes instead."
After the situation was taken care of, deep regret set in.
"I've gotta admit I felt so low that I put on my sunglasses and had a quiet cry for a few minutes."
"AITA for not covering my healing scar, and for being confrontational about it?"
The responses were all overwhelmingly positive for the OP, with many of the comments reflecting she is NTA (not the a$$hole).
"Dear god no you're absolutely NTA. People that are that heartless shouldn't be allowed in public. Jfc. I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"It does sound like it looks pretty bada$$, for the record! Rock what you got girl!" – rckblykitn14
"Seconded! You sound very cool and bada$$. It's hard to stand up for yourself like that and you f*cking nailed it!" – mother_of_wolf
Not everyone would have handled this the same way as the OP.
"You know how I got this 'wound'? Some a$$hole bothered me while I was minding my own business."
"*Father grabs little one and leaves*"– SashaStriker
While her scar is not ideal, many of the commenters encouraged her to embrace her new look.
"Hell yeah it's bada$! From her description that is literally the type of scar they I immediately chose when I am making a bada$ in a game."
"It is f*cking amazing. Not trying to downplay the injury or the affect it may have on her future though, it's just so f*cking cool." – demonmonkey89
"It also sounds like you may have embarrassed him! Congrats!"
"And honestly, your description makes it sound like you are going to be the owner of a pretty bad a$$ scar. You own it, not the other way around. So kick a$$ and take names!" – sugerplum1972
"In my head she's going to look like a Witcher after the scar heals, which is the most bada$$ looking thing ever." – omaewamu_shinderu
People admired her hutzpah.
"OP sounds like someone who would strut away from exploding buildings in slow mo." – gotothebloodytop
And she was reminded of her priorities.
"OP, the only thing that matters as to whether you should be covering your scar is what your doctor recommends."
"You should be caring for your wound as directed. After that, only your feelings on the subject matter."
"Anyone else who even dares to have an opinion deserves to have their head bitten off." – oxytocin_tattoo
It was a missed opportunity for a teachable lesson.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you! What a sh*t father- could have been a great teaching opportunity for his child that some people are different and that's totally ok, we don't treat them any differently."
"The fact that you are even concerned abt being the a$$hole tells me you are a beautiful person." – AddisonArmilda
Redditor "KahurangiNZ" has a similar facial scar and commiserated with the OP.
The user believed the child's dramatic reaction to the OP's face was "learned behavior."
The person also talked about dealing with children who are more curious than afraid.
"Absolutely. The father had an awesome teaching moment, and completely blew it."
That said, I'm guessing that the kids over-the-top reacting was a learned behavior, quite likely from Dad, which puts him firmly in the position of TA not just for what he said to OP, but for teaching his kid to actively fear or be disgusted by anything that doesn't fit his version of 'normal.'"
"It's a small slide from 'ew, that's a horrible scar, hide it' to 'ew, your skin is the wrong color,' etc."
"I also have a significant scar on my face (lip to the side of my chin and the enervation/muscles are a bit munted so when I smile a section of my chin pulls in funny ways), and in my experience, little kids are curious but not in the least bit afraid."
"They want to ask what it is, how it happened, does it hurt, they want to touch, and I'm perfectly happy to tell them I had an accident and ended up with a scar and it's just a part of who I am now."
"No drama, no grumpiness, it's just, yeah I have brown hair and hazel eyes and a scar."
"I've made a point of teaching my child that people are people regardless of what their exterior looks like, and that it's what's on the inside that really counts."
"When he was little, if he was curious about someone/something I'd explain what he was asking about (e.g., a person using a wheelchair has some sort of injury or disability that means they can't walk at the moment and for some people that might be temporary and for others it could be permanent; the person with the tattoos down their arm has chosen to permanently decorate their skin, etc)."
"OP, you are very much NTA. And I hope that you are (or can become) accepting of this change and that it is now just another part of you."
"While you may not necessarily consider it good (although I hope you find it aesthetically pleasing in some way), it's definitely not bad either, it's just ...there."
"If people want to be judgmental about it, that's their problem, not yours."
The Redditor was not about to end her post without helping a fellow friend.
"Oh, and I found good quality Aloe Vera and Vitamin A and E cream helped the skin healing a lot more than just an emollient ointment. You might like to ask your doctor if that's worth a try. :-)"
One could only hope the father from the flight became contemplative after stoking his son's fear with the confrontation and had a sensible discussion about people looking different.
Because impressions can be just as permanent as scars.