Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor RadPs77 asked:
"What's the most bull**** excuse you've heard that turned out to be true?"
If somebody yelled, "fire!" there probably was one.
The Emergency Call
"My dad had to call and say he was going to be late on take your kid to work day, because the guys building a house in the lot next to ours set all the extra supplies on fire at 5am, and he called the fire department because it was a huge fire and the firetrucks were now blocking our driveway. He took a video."
– kingftheeyesores
The Blazing Car
"Couldn't make it to work because someone set his car on fire. Sure enough, it was mentioned in the local paper a day or two later..."
– res30stupid
Accusations of lying are especially hard on those who are grieving.
Proof Was In The Ashes
"Not really sure if this counts but... I worked at a mcdonalds years ago and I called in sick one day because I was having my dog put down, this was my childhood friend I'd had since I was 6. The day after the manager pulls me into the office and gives me a rant about how I need to come up with a better excuse for a sick day. In anger I ended up bringing his ashes into work with me several weeks later with receipts proving dates of attending vets etc."
"Then a good few months after all this, the same manager is moving house and isn't allowed to take her two dogs with her (no pets allowed at the new address) so she let's her friend adopt them who lives on the next street to where she's going to be living then proceeds to take 10 days off 'to say goodbye.' "
"It's been more than a decade but I'm still salty af about this."
– SolaWrex
"Unexcused Absence"
"Had this but when my brother died, took 2 weeks off because of obvious reasons."
"I was on probation at the time and they didn’t believe me, they wanted a death certificate - but where I live those can take some time."
"At the end of my probation I had an exit interview - my dad was able to sit in with me, so he did. He brought my brothers ashes and put them on the table while they tried to say it was an unexcused absence."
– tictactowbar
There are the odd circumstances.
Nature Strikes
"I couldn't go into work for a few days because a tree totalled both vehicles. My boss was pissed because I had requested the day off but was denied. I had to send pictures as proof."
– hotcookin53
The Gamer
"I injured myself badly enough I couldn't go to work for a few days, the night before World of Warcraft was released. Since I'd been talking about it so much, my boss assumed I was lieing to stay home and play it on opening day. Not only was I not lieing, but it meant I was unable to get to the store to pick up my pre-order."
– shontsu
A Birth Anomaly
"One of my guys didn't come into work he said that his unborn triplets had absorbed each other and he had to console his wife that she was gonna have twins not triplets."
– ShItllhappen
Repeat Offender
"I had the same teacher for trig and 2 years later Calc ii. Both times my house got hit by a car right before an exam. The second time she said 'you've already made this excuse" and asked for a police report. I happily obliged and gave her both. Literally could not believe it.'"
– Electronic_Soil5934
Animals are unpredictable.
That is all.
Kitty Bite
"Kid in high school was absent one day because he'd been 'bitten by a cougar.' Yeah, right."
"Turns out, he'd been bitten by a cougar. He thought he wanted a pet cougar, found some place he could buy one, and went over a weekend to pick one out. He was playing with a cute baby cougar, cuddling and wrestling on the ground, just having a great time. Then that cute little baby turned on him, bit down hard on his foot, and sent him to the hospital with numerous deep punctures that needed chunks of Nike shoe pulled out of them. He was on crutches for weeks."
– twothirtysevenam
Kid's Track Record Didn't Help
"Had a kid come into my class one day that was late and he had been a pain in the butt the whole year so I was like 'alright, what is it this time, house burnt down. No no, you went to the forest and got lost, not you used that last time.' He just stood there with a straight face and said, a bear slashed our tires so I had to walk. I looked at him with an as if that happened face and low and behold after school his mum comes up apologising that he was late again and told me that a bear had slashed their car’s tires. She showed me the ring video and everything. I was speechless."
"Edit for those of you complaining that I was mean, this kid was consistently late and rude throughout the whole year and was constantly giving me bs excuses that turned out not to be true. That’s why I was mad and didn’t believe him."
– cryptic_cookies
The next time you hear someone giving a wild excuse, you might want to take it with a grain of salt.
You never know if the person has actually gone through a terrible ordeal.
The truth always comes out eventually, whether it works in the person's favor or not.
Redditor Shinfekta wanted to break down all the reasons people may have to step out on a partner.
So they asked:
"What’s the worst excuse for cheating?"
I mean... go ahead... try and explain. This should be as good as the dog ate my homework.
Years
Excuse Me What GIF by Biden Inauguration CommitteeGiphy“'You aren’t exactly my type.' -Actual quote after 3 years of living together."
Boring_Excitement596
"A bit late to recognize that huh? What an ass, sorry you had to go through that."
Shinfekta
Oh Lord...
"I’ll never forget my first semester in college I met a girl in psychology 101 that shared with the whole class that her boyfriend cheated on her. She said she was going to forgive him because his reason for cheating was because he had never slept with a black girl before and wanted to know what it was like."
-Osyrus-
Nasty
"Came home early from work to my last EX in bed with another gu 'I wasn’t trying to hurt you I didn’t think you would find out I came home early because I spilled a frier on my leg and she ignored my call for a ride because she was busy being f**ked. I’m still mad when I think about it."
mulletmilkman
2 of a Kind
"'She's your twin... does it really count as cheating?'"
Away_Philosopher_484
"I dated a girl with an identical twin. One night I came up behind her, wrapped my arms around her, and planted a gentle kiss on her neck. Normally she liked that a lot, but this time she said, 'What the f**k are you doing?' It was her twin. So embarrassed lol. Luckily they both saw the funny side because it's happened before."
FXOjafar
Whoops
Uh Oh Omg GIF by BounceGiphy'"It just happened.'"
OkWillow9783
"'The storm was so strong it shredded our clothes off and we had to hold on tight to not fly off, I guess a gust of wind pushed my penis into her.'"
dontworryitsme4real
The scandal of it ALL!!
for you hello GIF by Music ChoiceOuch
"I deserved to have sex with a hot guy. It was tough to hear. I didn't think I looked that bad. But it messed with my self-image pretty badly. I had problems with body dysmorphia before I even met her. But between that and a few other comments she made, it came back pretty hard. Most days I do pretty well now though."
REDDITprime1212
BLIND
"The lights were off, I couldn’t see."
cellemurph
"I actually know a guy whose wife used this excuse."
helpme944
Phil it UP!
"One that I heard from a former marriage counselor was a woman who claimed her husband was so affectionate, hard-working, and considerate, she developed an inferiority complex and dealt with it by cheating."
Oldspice0493
"I saw something like that on Dr Phil. This woman was saying how her partner doted on her, did all the dishes, did everything for her. It was disgusting to her how much he loved her, so she felt the need to cheat on him."
ClownfishSoup
YOU
I See You Soccer GIF by UEFAGiphy"I thought about you the whole time."
Ok_boomer_1243
"Never understood that one. It makes it worse surely."
General-Ad-9753
Sometimes you just need to be single.
What are some of the craziest examples you've ever heard? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Bianca_di_Angelo asked:
"What's a fool proof excuse to skip a party?"
Yeah, no.
"In the wise words of Rachel Green, 'I wish I could, but I don't want to'."
- leese216
"Phoebe’s brutal honestly also featured in 'Sorry I’m late, but I left late'"
- Et12355
Jennifer Aniston Friends GIF by TV Land ClassicGiphyMom Said No
"'My mom said no, sorry"
- Deleted Account
"I'm gonna try 'my cat said no, sorry'"
- Listen-bitch
No Friends, No Problem
"If you don’t have friends you can skip all the parties."
- ChunkyPillow
"Extroverts hate this one weird trick!"
- havron
Do A Caesar
"Caesar: Decius, go tell them Caesar will not come."
"Decius Brutus: Most mighty Caesar, let me know some cause, lest I be laugh'd at when I tell them so."
"Caesar: The cause is in my will: I will not come; That is enough to satisfy the senate."
- NoStressAccount
Keep It Simple
"Just say you're not feeling very well. Leave it at that."
- MiddlesboroughFan
So Much Poop
"Explosive diarrhea"
- nsmith0723
"This works and absolutely kills any followup questions. Dead stop. And reduces the risk of of being invited to future events."
- Sticking_To_Decaf
"'Hey. I just violently sh*t myself. I'm thinking that going out in public isn't really a thing for me today.'"
- Darth_D**k_Fingers
Boundaries Are Great
"You don't need a foolproof excuse. Set your boundaries and decline the invitation"
- puppymonkeybaby79
You Know I'm An Introvert
"My social battery is low. Just gonna chill by myself"
-WorstLuckChuck
Family Time
"'Family coming in' my go to"
- Sea_Sea3831
When All Else Fails, Absurdism
"Say 'Sorry I gotta go milk my cat.' and give no further explanations, that should stop the whole party problem."
- Hacker_N00b
Hopefully you won't need them but, if you do, here's a great selection of ways to get out of any unwanted parties.
I saw you yesterday!
"I missed you."
"I was on a short vacation."- haynb03
It's not me, it's you
"'If you had confidence in yourself, none of this would have happened'."- marques33
Well, you did
"'I didn't want to hurt you'"
"Way to go, dude."- taalnerd
It was out of grief
“'My grandmother died'.”
"I didn’t realize cheating on your girlfriend is the standard grieving method." - User Deleted
Tears Crying GIFGiphyI'm only monogamous in the city I'm in.
“'When you said you wanted to be exclusive I thought you meant exclusive here'."
"'You never even asked if I had a boyfriend'.”
"I had been 'dating' this girl for 3 months in college when she admitted that she had been in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend from high school the entire time and she had slept with him each time she visited her parents, which was at least once a month."- dring157
Um, what?
"'You deleted your Facebook, and my friend and I thought that was fishy'."
"I don't even know where to start with that kind of rationality."- RandylVlarsh
We were just too perfect
"'We never have any fights'."
"So you decide to cheat so I can get mad at you?"- somerandomredditor18
vanessa williams GIFGiphyHypocrite!
“'I wanted to try something new'.”
"He cheated on me with his ex."- meeez80
Quid Pro Quo... OOPS!
"‘I thought you were doing it too!’ "
"F*ck him!"- mawo77
I had to compartmentalize
"A friend in a long-distrance relationship who only saw his GF on weekends because she was at an army posting at the other end of the country during the week."
"He found out she was cheating on him with some guy."
"Her explanation?"
"'Well, for me the army and my private life are two different lives, so it makes sense I have two different boyfriends'."
"For context, I'm from Germany, this was the German army, and 'the other end of the country' was about six hours by train, the train being free for soldiers."
fox broadcasting sleeping GIF by The OrvilleGiphyWhen people need to dig up excuses as laughable as these, it's often because they are well aware they were in the wrong.
Hopefully, the unlucky partners of this unfaithful, motley crew can take solace in the fact that they are now much better off.