I hate Geometry. I always said I never needed Geometry. It was a waste of time. They said I'll use it everyday, it's imperative. Yeah... no. I knew I was right. But I was so nervous about it. Thanks guys.
It's all in Pencil
"Your permanent record. I'm 55, and nobody has ever asked me about the time I was sent to the principal's office when I was 16."
Danger
"Drug dealers. I thought people would force that drugs down my throat untill I was a broke addict. I have been offered it a few times in high school but funny enough they were all very wholesome interactions. My favorite was a guy who I had never spoken to, who had just learned I was chronically ill and he said that if I ever wanted to try anything he would give it to me for free."
"And would help me to do it safely since he knew I didn't do drugs. It was just a very pure moment and I will never forget that look of kindness and concern in his eyes. I've since been around many, many drug dealers (I think everyone in the Netherlands has) and have never been forced, tempted or manipulated to do drugs."
Yuck
"Cannibalism. Was a huge concern in late elementary to early middle school days. It was highly unlikely we'd ever crash in the Andes or that our wagon train would get stuck in the mountains in winter, but for some reason all the kids in my school were concerned about it. Should we eat someone? Could we actually do it if we had to? Who should we eat first? The fat kid will keep, but we don't want the muscular guy to lose too much weight. We were pretty messed up, I'm now realizing."
Easy Lies
"I'm 35 and I am about 90% sure I could just lie about having a bachelor's degree. Literally nobody has ever asked to see my diploma or thesis or anything. By this point in my life it's just assumed you have one if you say you do, especially since I went to a really small college most people have never heard of. They'd never check that unless I was claiming a graduate degree maybe."
Astray...
Let Me Go Love GIF by 3 Doors DownGiphy"Mom warned me to "avoid any girl who wanted to stick her tongue in my mouth ('French kiss') because it would lead me astray."
What better way to be lead astray than a lovely french kiss? Oh la la. And that permanent record scam I caught onto early in life. Although with the internet and social media, that is coming to fruition.
Movie Lies
hey arnold nicksplat GIFGiphy"Apart from infamous quicksand, I thought it would be a bigger problem being stuck in the alps and having to drink alcohol from a Saint Bernard's necklace."
Don't Swallow!
"Swallowing chewing gum."
"When I was 5, I did that many times and ended up with terrible constipation. I had to have X-rays for the doctors to check out what was going on. Our neighbor was a nurse and helped my parents give me an enema."
Flames...
"My school made me believe that I would be set on fire frequently. It has obviously not happened yet."
- hmm-mm-m
"My 50-year-old dad actually got set on fire not too long ago and he said his first reaction was to stop drop and roll like he heard in grade school and that it worked. So it may not happen very often but someday you may be thankful."
- aaronis1
"It doesn't help when you are covered in a flammable, self-oxygenating liquid. Ask me how I know..."
Good job, Mom!
"My parents both smoked before having kids, and my mom raised me on stories about how the first time she smoked a cigarette, she coughed so badly that she threw up. It made staying away from smoking cigarettes pretty easy, because I didn't want to puke!"
"Once I was in college I brought up the story to her and she blinked like an owl caught in the sunlight. "Wait, you believed me?" She said. "I was just trying to get you to not smoke. If smoking made me vomit, why do you think I smoked for 15 years?" Good job, Mom!"
All Hours
i hate everything lol GIFGiphy"My mom was obsessed with the idea that all bad sh*t only happened after midnight so that was my iron clad curfew. Guess what Mom? A ton of bad stuff has happened to me in broad daylight."
I love the night, always will. You learn the day is just as dangerous once you start watching DATELINE NBC type shows. Thanks for trying adults. Now relax a bit.
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