Depending on the job or company, workers are required to sign non-disclosure agreements (NDA) to avoid leaks of trade secrets.
But after NDAs have expired, strangers online revealed the secrets that finally saw the light of day when Redditor Charcoals7 asked:
"People who did super secret work: what is something you can share now, that you couldn't before?"
Some revealing information was not bound by signed contracts but kept secret through unspoken agreements out of respect for clients and employers.
"Interned for a plastic surgeon who is very well known and does work on celebs. They sold their skincare line for hundreds of dollars and touted it as having highly advanced ingredients of the highest quality."
"They bought most of it from a wholesale retailer who stuck their name on the bottle. Website looked sketchy tbh. Also had '24k gold face masks' that were purchased in bundles off of Amazon for cheap."
"These fancy skincare lines are such a scam, don't waste your money."
The Massive Tool
"Worked at a sex shop nearly 10 years ago, confidentiality is key to a shop's success."
"Private order comes in, ordered by another associate. Specialty orders were far from uncommon. This though….this was the biggest one I'd ever seen. I patiently waited to see who would be picking up this behemoth."
"A very slender, very short, very nervous, but very kind man picked it up."
"I still wonder about that guy sometimes, and hope him and he's doing okay. . . "
"Painted a house for a lady that I accidentally walked in on naked. I was sworn to secrecy but sadly she passed so I think it's fair game now. RIP Granda Beatrice."
Literary Cultural Phenomenon
"When the Harry Potter books went to our stores they shipped 6 to a box in sealed boxes. When the store received them the boxes had to be locked in a controlled cage in the stockroom. This was to prevent theft and presales. The whole thing seemed super secret. And it had to be because of the hype. If fans got word a shipment had arrived before the sales date."
"Anyhow one year, I think it was for book 4, I got a call one of the stores received a shipment with a box open and a book missing. My bosses were hooping and hollering about how the people in that store were going to lose their jobs because of the theft. I knew the employees in the store and knew they weren't thieves."
"I went to investigate. I figured out the book had been stolen in transit. Not in the store. The secret solution? The shipping label was over the cut tape. No one lost their job that day."
People reveal the very things they were obligated to keep confidential were just humdrum.
No Big Mystery
"Sometimes, a project is 'super secret' and requires a USG security clearance before you're allowed to work on it... but it's actually just boring, poorly written code that barely succeeds in doing nothing of interest for people who shouldn't be allowed at a computer in the first place."
A Former Intern
"I worked on the Microsoft Dynamics SL Web Apps during my internship. Now that my NDA has expired, I can tell you that I implemented a data access layer for a subscreen of a subscreen that made it possible to add a new client, without having to back out and navigate to the new client screen. Most secrets, it turns out, are not very interesting."
A Different Perspective
"Most of the time, it's not what is classified that's the important part, but how it's made/process/methods that are top secret."
"I'd reckon most countries know what others are working on, just not how to replicate it."
The truth from historical events are revealed by those who were a part of it.
"Dad (died 2016) was in the Navy and on one of the ships in the blockade that was part of the Cuban Missile Crisis. The official story is that no American ship fired any shots."
"A few months before he died Dad said his ship was one of several that fired shots."
"During the 1982 Falklands conflict it was spread on the news that several British submarines were in the area and this is likely what deterred the Argentine carrier Vientecinco de mayo from engaging the British fleet."
"My father was a submariner at the time (didn't go down there), when he was in the bar on base back home and it was announced on the radio that a certain British submarine was in the area the guy next to him said 'I hope not, I just walked off it an hour ago.'"
"Basically pulled the same trick the Royal Navy used against the Graf Spee in 1939."
Working On "Electronics"
"Not me, but my grandfather (RIP) worked as a civilian on various military bases from the 50s to the 80s. He held a top secret clearance and could not tell anyone what he did. He'd just tell them he worked on 'electronics'. Well he sure did. He finally told us some of what he worked on around 2010. He worked on developing the A bomb, the sidewinder or stinger missile (can't recall which) and I believe it was the F14."
"He told us one story in which he and some coworkers were put in a van with no windows and driven from CA to an undisclosed location (he thinks it was white sands, NM) to test some missle system. Kinda nutty."
Developing America's First Nuclear Weapons
"My Great-Grandfather worked on the Manhattan Project. He was a physics professor at a University and the government basically told him that he would be moving away from his family indefinitely and could not speak with them except under very strict monitoring. From my understanding (passed down a few generations obviously) he was forcibly 'volunteered' for the project. He couldn't even tell his wife and kids what he did until years later, other than that he was helping in the war effort."
I heard from a former Abercrombie & Fitch employee that the apparel store had a tough interview process and basically hired someone based on appearances.
She claimed the store would designate the thinner, more attractive employees to work at the front of the store while "the others" would work in the back, doing inventory.
This was years ago, but to me, it seemed like hardly a secret.
As a visitor, I would instantly notice all the "models" working the entrance at an A&F store before the intensity of the company's powerful Fierce fragrance blown through the vent knocked me unconscious.
The daily grind in the workplace can be mind-numbingly tedious, but at least there's a sense of familiarity that can be comforting.
But inevitably, there are many factors at work that can contribute to a train wreck.
We all welcome distractions to a certain degree, but there are some dramas better left elsewhere.
Curious to hear from workers who witnessed things heading south in the workplace, Redditor zana-666 asked:
"People of Reddit what's the worst thing that's happened on your job? (serious)"
Warning: some of the comments involve deaths and the descriptions are not for the faint of heart.
People who work in healthcare have witnessed alarming situations like an episode from Grey's Anatomy.
Taking Matters Into Their Own Hands
"I worked at a nursing home years ago and we had a patient with dementia who was ALOT of work - constantly trying to get up, screaming, throwing things, spitting, hitting. We'd rotate staff as a 'one to one' to keep him safe. Well, one shift his sitter got tired of the constant yelling and moving and medicated him from her own stash. Gave him her personal supply of Ativan and Oxycodone to knock him out. It did work (!!) but she was immediately escorted out of the building and lost her CNA license."
"Work as a nurse in an ICU. Two of my coworkers found out while on shift that they were 'with' the same guy. Proceeded to physically fight each other in the hallway. Meanwhile there is a patient coding (in cardiac arrest) down the hallway; annnnd I'm not embellishing another patients family set the trashcan on fire in their room during the code. It was a wild wild night shift."
Pervy things went down while these people were on shifts.
Unprompted Art Installation
"I worked at a Barnes & Noble in Florida and some dude came in with a bunch of Polaroids of his junk and hid them in books in the kids area. A kid found one and showed his mom. We had to close down for the rest of the day and leaf through/shake out all the books in the store to find the rest of them."
Your Underwear Or Your Life
"I work at a high school and a student pulled a gun on one of the teachers in the parking lot after school and made her give him the underwear she had on. He was caught later that day and said he did that because she is hot and wanted to use them later"
Tight spaces are not ideal work environments, but someone has to work in them.
"There's sooo many rules about confined spaces where I work. It always seems so harmless but it's very dangerous if you think about it."
"Whether it's an inspection or something that needs fixing in a confined space we need entry permits, oxygen monitors, continues forced air circulation, 1-2 people as intervention if anything goes wrong, safety harness and ropes to pull someone out if anything does go wrong,... All for a seemingly 'harmless' space."
"I used to work in low volt integration, wiring smart homes. Being the lead pre-wire technician, I was in-charge of all pre-wire installations unless a more experienced tech was on scene. Being just 23-24 at the time of employment, I was the one to usually go into crawlspaces and attics since most of the older guys didn't want to do it."
"Over a year and a half working there, I've been bitten by two brown recluse spiders and one black widow spider. I still have a scar of one of the brown recluse spiders who bit me on my side, luckily it was just my side that got bit and I am a healthy young adult, otherwise I could've lost something. The brown recluse has NO antivenom in the entire United States."
Bad things may happen at work, but witnessing tragedy will put things into perspective.
The Absent Candidate
"It's not as dramatic, but we were interviewing for a position once and the candidate's husband called to say she'd been killed in an accident on her way to the interview. He actually apologised. It was awful."
"Colleague was absent from work for a couple days and wasn't answering their phone so manager and I went to their home. The building manager gave us a key to their apartment (totally illegal of them, I know), and we opened it to find the colleague dead. Already at the door, I could smell something sickly sweet and I knew in my heart they were dead. We had to wait for the ambulance service to come declare them dead… turns out they were sick for days and didn't contact a doctor or anyone else. Just slowly wasted away at home. I will never forget that first look into the apartment."
One Incident Too Many
"Had a guy have a massive heart attack between 2 furnaces in remelt department. It cooked him. His skin split like a hotdog on the grill. It was terrible. Also had a guy that had a air pocket in a molten pot. When the air pocket reached the surface it blew out and rained molten metal him. We had to chase him down to get him in the safety shower. Same place had a guy commit suicide in the parking lot because his wife was cheating with someone on her shift."
"Worked in a steel mill many years ago."
"One day a guy was doing something they've been doing for many years, and the molten steel came into contact with water from improperly dried refractory stones."
"Instant metal explosion that rained down a sh*tload of molten metal on him, he died in less than a day. Skin melting off his body and all the gory details."
"Luckily for me, it was my day off, else I would have been a first responder."
A Horrific Frequency
"Air Traffic Control. Didn't happen to me, but I was working that day and heard the replay. Couple takes off in bad weather and get more ice on their wings than they can handle. They dropped like a rock and screamed on frequency the whole way down. The worst part is the other planes may or may not have heard it and you have to keep talking to other planes like nothing happened until someone relieves you."
Depending on the job, the everyday mundanity of work can take a toll on your psyche.
But based on the examples mentioned above, some of the best work days are the ones that end with no incident.
When I used to work at a certain amusement park, my coworkers and I heard security personnel talking through their portable radio devices about park guests who were bludgeoned to death by a terrible accident caused by one of the park's attractions.
A miscalculation while docking a large watercraft moored too soon to the dock caused a cleat from the ship's hull to dislodge and fly into the faces of a couple who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Both victims – who were alleged to be on their honeymoon at the time – died instantly from the impact.
My colleagues and I were dancers in between our performances at the theater inside the park. When we heard what happened in our vicinity, we were sick to our stomachs. But the show eventually had to go on.
There's nothing funny about having an employee show their true colors after you've already hired them. Upon hiring, they seemed completely normal, pleasant, like they would be a good worker. Then as they get the lay of the land, they show that they actually have a different personality when the manager isn't around to see.
A Redditor wanted to know:
"Employers, what's the most insane complaint you've had about an employee that turned out to be completely true?"
These stories will shock you. The things that these people did were deceitful and, quite frankly, illegal in some cases. How the managers didn't catch them sooner is what makes it so unbelievable.
The hotel party.
"I was the head night auditor at an upscale airport property. Had a youngish night auditor who put a room into out of order status and let his friends in to party and have an orgy that he joined during his lunch break. He got caught because of a noise complaint. Police called, he was fired and blacklisted from being hired back."
"I hope he had a 1hr lunchbreak. If he joined the orgy for 15mins that's kinda disappointing for everyone."
"That is hilarious, I had almost the exact same thing happen at a property I worked at, except:"
"a) It was a tiny 30 room historical property, so it wasn't going to go unnoticed."
"b) He threw his drug fueled party in the "Queen Anne Suite," our most expensive room."
"c) He didn't even have the sense to put the room out of order or even kiiinda clean up afterward, assuming the hotel staff would just not notice or care that a room we didn't rent that night was ABSOLUTELY THRASHED."
"d) He just made keys for his friends that he handed out, and came in through the back or something, rather than just renting the room at a discount or something so it would all be kosher on the books (if you don't have 50 bucks to rent a room at the employee rate then you don't have the money for a party bud)."
"e) He did all this on MY shift rather than his own, thinking I wouldn't catch on that something was fishy on one of our TWENTY FOUR SECURITY CAMERAS."
"f) He really thought he could prevent us from catching him by coming in on my shift, acting like he left something behind on his last shift, then while I wasn't looking, STEALING THE CORDLESS MOUSE TO THE CAMERA MONITOR. IN PLAIN VIEW OF THE FRONT DESK CAMERA. He just. Palms it. Then shifts a guilty lil glance at the camera."
"Surprise surprise, we were able to roll back the security footage and catch all this on tape when we pulled the high tech maneuver of 'Plugging In A Different Mouse.' He was fired so fast. I've never worked with such a dumba** in my life. He really thought he pulled the heist of the year."
"For context, this was not a teenager. He was obviously in his 40's, receding hairline, lanky and always a lil sweaty and dodgy and socially awkward. Not 'quiet and timid' socially awkward, more like... this guy gives me bad vibes, makes inappropriate uncomfortable jokes and laughs too hard, doesn't really get professional workplace boundaries, seems like the sort who would try too hard to impress teenagers because he has a car and can buy them liquor but can't hang onto a friend his own age to save his life. My hiring manager really knew how to pick 'em."
At the bank.
"Working in a bank. Had a teller (about 19 year-old) get pissed about the way a customer (retail store owner) would send in her deposits at the drive up window. The teller complained about the customer on Facebook! Tagged the lady personally, as well as the store! Customer called the bank and told me, furious of course."
"I told the customer we would investigate, I asked the teller. She straight up admitted it, and says "What's the customer or Branch Manager going to do about it? My Grandfather is friends with the bank President." I called HR and Bank President on conference. Girl lost her job in under 15 minutes of me receiving the call from the customer. Breach of customer confidentiality in banking is a MAJOR law violation."
"I love the fact that she thought her grandfather being 'friends' with the bank President was going to do jack for herself. Even if it had been her father being friends with the president she would still be fired. Even if she had been friends with the president she would still be fired. If she was the bank president she would still be fired. The only scenario where she gets out of this untouched is if she had a time machine to slap herself before she tagged the customer."
"This is why it is important to distinguish between nepotism and networking. Networking can look like nepotism but you are actually taking advantage of the fact that you know competent people and thus don't have to play roulette with new hires. The catch is that if you give a bad recommendation it reflects poorly on you and you lose status in the network, and the new hire is not protected at all."
"Though if you break the law even nepotism won't save you most of the time."
Should have run a background check.
"Hired a guy on a trial basis. He was super polite and careful when speaking to me, but several of my female employees told me when I wasn't around he was creepy. After about 5 days, one came to me and said almost verbatim: 'I think he's a rapist.' She just a had a gut feeling about him. So I ran a background check on him... yep, he was a convicted rapist."
"For those of you saying 'This is why you run background checks BEFORE you hire...' this was almost 20 years ago when it was not standard procedure, and I was not in charge of that regardless. HR would make the decision. In this case I requested it specifically because the safety of my employees appeared to be at stake, but not one other time in my career did I feel the need to ask for one."
People Break Down The Creepiest Research Holes They've Ever Fallen Down | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Subway stamp cards scheme.
"I knew a guy who worked at subway back when they gave out stamps. Basically for every six inches of sub you bought you earned a stamp and once you filled a card with 8 stamps you could get a free six inch sub."
"So this guy started only giving stamps to customers who asked for them. If they didn't ask he pocketed their stamps and grew a sizeable stack of complete stamp cards."
"Then over time he started cashing them in. When a customer paid with cash he would ring it in as a freebie, place his own completed stamp card in the till, and pocket the cash. Customer got their sub, subway's till was balanced, and he had an extra five to ten bucks in his pocket - everybody was happy."
"He worked there for a few years and word was he racked up a few thousand dollars running this scheme. No idea if anybody complained, or if he was ever caught, but he did buy a motorbike."
Innocent retail worker gone wrong.
"So I worked retail and we got this guy named something like Gus."
"My boss tells me, 'Hey this guy's got anxiety, go easy on him OK?' And so I was like, okay that's cool I get it I can relate. I do everything I can to help him make sense of the infernal godforsaken hellscape that is retail."
"It starts off with little forgivable things -- forgetting a task here, forgetting things there, accidentally giving the wrong info and things like that. You know, newbie retail stuff like that."
"He quickly devolved in popularity as his complacency grew over time and his helpful attitude shrank. My guy started messing around during his shift, getting caught on his phone while ignoring backup cashier calls and things like that. He would make stabbing motions behind the manager's back to other employees, tell off new employees, and play it all off like he was some innocent dope who didn't know any better."
"None of this got him fired. Day after day was a new complaint from an employee about responsibilities he shirked or a customer about blatantly wrong info like, 'Oh yeah we have another location up on the hill,' and we didn't. No idea whose son he was, because that was apparently all kosher."
"What ACTUALLY got him fired is the one day he brought a dog and a super expensive dog collar into work. He claimed he almost hit the dog on the way to work and it was running around wild, etc. He tried to sell the dog collar to a customer, then tried to 'adopt out' the dog to a coworker."
"This coworker was competent enough to take the dog to a vet whereupon they found a microchip and contacted the actual owners. THAT'S where the fun started."
"It came out that Gus never found the dog at all. He straight up KIDNAPPED this dog from his neighbor and tried to pawn it off, knowing full well what he was doing. The guy lawyered up immediately, tried to sue Gus and threatened to sue the store and the store manager if Gus wasn't fired."
"Suffice to say, Gus was gone the very same evening. Nothing else came of it, but we talked about him for years and years."
These stories are unbelievable but true. How some of these people didn't get arrested is beyond us!
Thank goodness there were employees who caught these people in the act.
The finite nature of a hotel stay can lead guests to behave in ways they wouldn't normally. And where there is saucy behavior, there are the artifacts left behind.
And who is there to pick up those pieces on the following morning? The hotel staff--cleaners, maintenance people, technicians, even managers when things get unruly enough.
Some Redditors who've occupied those positions recently shared the wildest things ever left behind by guests.
Some were gross, some exciting, and some just downright puzzling.
MichaelJCaboose_ asked, "Hotel cleaners of Reddit, what's your most memorable find left behind by a guest?"
Many people chose to share the times they came upon the disgusting remnants of an uninhibited night before. The guests responsible left a collage of artifacts that looked more like a still-life picture of hedonism than a living quarters.
"Three empty bottles of wine, about two dozen cherry pits scattered all over the floor and under the furniture, and red-colored puke all over the bedspread."
"There was only one guy staying in the room."
The Consequences of Fame
"Found a human poo in the kettle once. Worse part was it was a 'celebrity' (crappy uk reality show) doing a guest appearance at a local club."
"Him and his mates filled the rooms iPad with di** pics too. Hotel got rid of the iPads shortly after that."
Taking it Literally
"By the tub: empty gallon JUGS of milk next to empty CONTAINERS of Quaker Oats."
"Ma'am that is not how you have an oatmeal bath."
"If it matters, it was whole milk."
Of Another Species
"Not me, but my best friend works in house keeping at a hotel chain. I've heard some nightmare stories, but there are two that really stand out. The first was after a furry convention came through town, and there was an absurd amount of sex toys left behind. It's pretty common to come across them from time to time, but this almost had to be purposeful."
"The second was a massive unflushable sh**. She refused to dispose of it, and left the task to her manager. She described it as inhuman, and the size of a football. It took a spatula and a knife from their kitchen to make it manageable enough to flush."
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
No Closet Is Too Nice
"Friend worked a 5-star hotel and found a turd in the closet." -- Boganvillia
"That's not a very nice thing to call your guest, but as someone that worked in customer service, I agree. They are turds." -- theassassintherapist
"Closet poopers are what happens to shy poopers if they don't face their poop anxiety." -- Stunning_Honeydew201
OTC Drug Use
"Packets and packets of ibuprofen. Just everywhere - bottles too. It was football players staying there."
"I do maintenance. Had a group of part time housekeepers that are mentally handicapped working with their job coach go into a suite with adjoining door. There were 3 construction workers staying, 2 and their supervisor."
"In the one side with a pull out couch and DVD player, they found a full size blow up doll, empty small bottles of lube, used condoms, several beer bottles, and a stack of porn on DVD. Doll was on the pull out couch and everything else was all over the bed."
Other former cleaners described the times they came to a vacant room to find some very unexpected objects. These weren't as gross as the previous examples.
But the mysteries of what exactly the guests did with these items are still unsolved.
Steer Clear of Gadgets
"Almost tazed myself with a 'tube of lipstick' that I found under the bed." -- Naprisun
"insert lipstick taser gif here" -- georgiomoorlord
"so nobody's talking about this person using hotel bed lipstick" -- ST4R3
"Wasn't the cleaner, was overnight manager. The morning shift housekeeper called me to a room that had a live diamondback rattlesnake in it. We were located downtown, no way it just came in from outside."
"Found out a week later the guest was part of that snake handler church."
Back on the Road
"My friend's family owns a motel. He tells me they once found an auto transmission in the bathtub of a room." -- smorkoid
"Yup, I've heard of this before. You go to the town on a bachelor party, take a pill and then wake up and your transmission is in the bathtub full of ice and 3rd gear was removed" -- cavegoatlove
Making it Cozy
"I worked as a hotel cleaner during undergrad."
"My first day of work someone left a hatchet in the bathtub."
"Also, someone completely decorated the room with framed family pictures.. and left them all there. I think their stay was only 2 days. They set some up on the furniture.. but also legit hung some on the walls."
Finally, some people shared about the times they were pleasantly surprised to find that guests left behind some really nice stuff.
And, of course, finders keepers was in full swing.
"I worked for a hotel that had cabins, so I would be in and out all day in the hot sun. On one of those hot days I opened the fridge to find an unopened bottle of Dr. Pepper in the freezer part.. it was perfectly slushed."
"It made my day. This was years ago, too!"
As If They Knew
"A whole box of magnum ice creams. My fave!" -- nightcana
"If this was in Melbourne, you're welcome. I bought them but got invited out. Checked out the next day and left them in the freezer and I couldn't stand the thought of putting them in the bin." -- hemansteve
"My partner gets apartments ready for the next people renting them out after leases are up, they've found so, so many bdsm toys. One of which (a flogger) is my cats favorite toy over all others now including her very expensive cat toys hahaha"
"My girlfriend worked the front desk at a hotel where snoop Dogg stayed."
"He left his drawers and white tees. Snoop also left a bunch of Tic Tacs."
"But the best thing he left was a plastic Tupperware bowl over the smoke detector."
It's a fun idea to think back on all your hotel stays and recall anything you've left behind over the years.
And then, depending on what exactly it was, you can imagine what the other side of that story turned out to be.
Death is scary. It brings the unknown of the great beyond, whether that's heaven, some other afterlife, or total nothingness, depending on what you believe.
But there is one perk that comes with death: total control of your funeral.
Think about it. You have a captive audience for the whole day. They're all going to be so intentional about respecting your memory that it would really take something huge to upset them.
That, my friends, is a time to push the envelope and take some liberties with that ceremony.
Many Redditors who work in the funeral industry have firsthand experience witnessing recently deceased people exercising that power through wills, parting words, and even pre-death meetings.
Some people have gotten quite creative.
A good amount of people treat their funerals college parties.
They go with a theme they imagine everyone will enjoy, try to inject some sarcastic humor into the planning, and see how it all plays out
Let the Games Begin
"I got a request for the deceased to be dressed up in a Where's Waldo costume and to have 12 other identical caskets in the room so the guests could try to guess where he was by opening coffins randomly."
"Each guest was to play this guessing game and then sit down before the next person could enter so everyone could play the game."
"Problem was not everyone wanted to play the game.....super odd but they paid a lot for it."
Dead In a Faraway Galaxy
"The deceased was a huge Star Wars fan and left explicit instructions for his funeral."
"As funeral organist, I was requested to play Star Wars principal themes on the grand pipe organ for prelude music, processional and recessional."
"As I once described, pall bearers were dressed in main characters costumes and "Obi-Wan Kenobi" gave an inspired eulogy, drawing upon memorable moments from the series."
"Using 'full organ' (all the stops out) for climatic moments, I played the Imperial March at the conclusion of the funeral before those in attendance departed for the cemetery for the committal."
A True Celebration of the Life He Lived
"I'm a florist, and I've created some unique tributes out of fresh flowers, and more."
"I made a putting green two feet across, complete with ball, tee and a club for an avid golfer. I constructed a fish out of various blooms and leaves, placed by a lakeside foliage spray. I've made rainbows and black and white themed arrangements. I put a lot of heart into memorial pieces."
"A few years ago, I was helping a family decide on their tributes for a much-loved man. The wife stressed he was known for his big blue Giant Eagle truck, and most of their friends were from the driver's union."
"I volunteered myself for a watercolor picture of the truck around which I would design a floral spray. It took four attempts, but I was finally happy, and framed it."
"Two days later, I received the most wonderful letter from his wife, and said that everyone agreed it was the most appropriate and important statement about his life. It will sit on her mantle for the rest of her life."
Friends Til the Very End
"My family owns a grave digging business as well as lawn and garden statues, someone purchased an 8ft tall gorilla statue."
"My dad delivered it and asked what they were going to do with it and where they were putting it, the guys said their friends dying wish was to be stuffed up this concrete gorillas a**, and that's what they did."
"They drilled a whole in the a** and put their buddies ashes inside"
There also appears to be a strange obsession with eye sockets and eyeballs. Many funeral workers have fielded requests involving what exactly to do with eyes.
All of them are completely unnerving, of course.
"My husband found out they can make gems out of cremains, and now he wants to be reduced to 2 jewels seated in his own eye sockets."
"I don't want a skull! I don't want to own his skull! I don't want him to watch me with his evil gem eyes!"
"My own will requests that my right eye be removed, preserved and delivered to my oncologist in Miami for him to do with whatever he sees fit."
"Hopefully as a teaching aid to new optometry students, but if he wants to use it for pranks I'm totally fine with that too."
"I survived a very unusual eye cancer and they had to do all kinds of experimental things to repair it when all was done. I jokingly suggested I donate it to science when I went and he said that was an amazing idea. So, here you go."
"I hope whoever deals with my corpse has fun with that request."
One Last Look
"My wife's uncle asked the funeral director when he dies he would like his eyes open in the casket during his viewing."
"His entire life everyone commented on his big baby blue eyes and he wanted them open for people to see one last time."
And finally, sometimes it's not all wine and roses when the close of life comes along.
People live complicated lives full of strained dynamics with family and friends. And often, that comes to a head right at the final moment.
One Last F-You
"One rich guy hated his kids and didn't want them to get a cent of his wealth. He therefore wanted all his money to spent on a mausoleum for his coffin with a rose garden around it and the eternal upkeep thereof."
"He had the city council-approved architectural plans for the mausoleum included in his will and testament."
"He demanded in his will that the remaining funds, after construction, must go to a gardening service to maintain the rose garden and clean off the bird poop from his mausoleum in perpetuity until the money runs out in a few centuries."
"The mausoleum is in Cemetery de Saint Rambert outside Lyon, France."
"My coworker was meeting a client who was picking up his mother's cremains. My coworker has the client sign a release, then hands him the urn."
The man immediately turns around and drops the urn into the trash can."
"My coworker is a 40 year funeral director veteran, and without missing a beat, he says, 'Sir, I can understand your strong feelings about your mother, but I cannot allow you to leave that here. What you do once you get out the door is up to you and God.' "
"Dude picked up the urn and left without a word."
To Reflect What She Was Like, Or Never Did?
"My mom asked the embalmer to put a few stitches in my grandma's cheeks to give her a faint smile.
"At the time it seemed like an odd, even slightly morbid request, but 20+ years on, it's one of the only things I remember from her funeral. It was kind of lovely, actually."
However old you are, now is the time to start planning the big sendoff. Look no further for some ideas to start off the brainstorm session.