Doh... or Duh?
GiphyI opened the dictionary to a random page once and my finger landed on the entry for "window" except I read, out loud, the phonetic spelling, win*doh.
So there I was, surrounded by friends, asking, "Win doh? What the hell is a win doh?" Enunciating the syllables like an idiot.
I read the definition and realized what a doofus I was. Ryan59479
New Names....
Was looking for my socks, couldn't think of the name, called them "footpants." Photon_Torpedophile
Did the same with swing once, the noun. Came out with jingle-chair. Reddit
De-boned.
GiphyIf they can make seedless oranges why can't they make boneless chickens? GargantuanCake
That chicken's going to grow up...
Well, it wouldn't grow so far, would it? VoyagerCat
My Bumps.
I'm always saying "sorry" to the furniture I bump into. chinchuberry
I did this on Friday with a skeleton in Anatomy lab. lidlpizzapie
Love Alexa....
GiphyI say "please" and "thank you" to Alexa. It's good to show kindness to inanimate objects. goose_of_reddit
So Dumb.
My wife asked me if her jeans makes her butt looks fat.
I said "it ain't the jeans."
I'm not a smart man. Wrong_Answer_Willie
My boyfriend at the time answered "it's not the dress that makes you look fat it's the fat that makes you look fat" (...Silence...) i wasn't even wearing a dress.
Years later I reminded him of this, and he said he was just quoting a movie.
(What?!)
I ended up marrying him, and learned to never ask that question again. KotZaBoulSheat
English What?
Giphy"I know every language in the English dictionary." KarinLoos
"Isn't English is one funny compilation of languages?!" Shikher_07
To Be Eaten....
Definitely not the dumbest thing I've ever said but this one was pretty recent. My parents were talking about having a lot of leftover food while cooking and my brain struggled to say either "people will eat it" or "it will get eaten." I ended up saying "people will get eaten." absoluteambiguity
Hush Please.
Giphytold a "your mom" joke to a buddy to try to cheer him up. This was at his mothers funeral. I felt so damn stupid a millisecond after I said it. ecksit
H20 Hunt.
Walked up to Starbucks cashier and asked, "You guys don't happen to have water do you?"
She replied sarcastically, "Um no we don't have water I'm sorry"
Just at that moment she looked down and in front of me is water bottles and water cups for the water station 🤦🏼♂️
My girlfriend never lets it go now though, she's always like "Oh maybe you can ask [insert restaurant] if they have water too. ChrispyCherrios