Here we are, eighteen months into the pandemic. Life is moving forward, Delta be damned. We were told that one day the world would function again. So what did we learn in our isolation? Did we decide about what comes next? Everybody must have compiled a few ideas about what is going to enrich our lives going beyond Covid.
What are some of the ideas and plans that have been pushed to the fore front? Is it finally time to skydive? Or maybe paint the house that color only you love? Let's discuss...
Redditor u/Gulfcoastpest wanted to hear all about everyone's exciting plans post COVID, by asking:
(Post COVID) what is on your bucket list?
Travel. Travel is all over my bucket list. It always has been, but now I'm serious about it. And I'm adding places. Bali. I'm going to Bali. Forget Disney World.
The Babies...meghan ory support GIF by Hallmark ChannelGiphy
"Making it to see my grandchildren."
"Just go for a movie and have a nice time with friends outside the house. I honestly just miss that."
"I plan on quitting my job and working from home."
"Do your research and do it! I've been on the freelance journey for the last year and a half. There's a lot to learn in all aspects, everything from tax and business stuff, managing the business side of things, and then managing the work itself. But the resources are out there. You really get what you put into it."
"See the northern lights."
Fly Awaymoving homer simpson GIFGiphy
"I want to go live abroad."
Time to start moving on up, career and housing are calling for more. Lands unknown are calling. New people, places and things want to teach us. Time to learn.
EducationRobin Williams Thank You GIFGiphy
"Get an education so I can do something I really love. Want to be a high school counselor and then an administrator eventually. Helping kids is just so rewarding."
"Being able to go to crowded places without spending days feeling paranoid afterwards."
"Take my wife to Ireland so she can see her family and our daughter can meet her grandparents, uncles and aunts."
"If you're fully vaccinated you can go whenever... no quarantine needed I believe."
"I'm hoping in a few years when my husband is retired, I can convince him to take a multiweek trip to England with me so I can run around looking at castles and other sites related to Henry VIII and Elizabeth I. Also that place (which I can't remember the name of) where Downton Abbey was filmed. And maybe James Herriot's actual vet office, which IIRC, has been turned into a museum. I LOVE his All Creatures Great and Small books and was a fan (at least until the post WWII series) of the original drama on PBS."
Good for YouCartoon Yes GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
"In a nutshell, I've lost my faith in humanity... but that won't stop me from trying to build others up instead of being a part of the problem."
"PS: You did a great job today! Yes... I'm talking to you."
"I want to visit the east coast of the US (New York City, Washington DC, etc) and see snow. As someone who was born and raised here in Hawaii, I want to touch snow (I'll probably be that person who gets scared going out of the airport in a snowstorm though like that scene in the movie "Cool Runnings")."
So many ideas, so little time. There is lesson one, time is of the essence. It's fleeting and we need to use it and enjoy in all the best ways. So get crackin'.
12-year-olds are a unique breed of human beings. They sit right in that middle area where childhood innocence, youthful fears, and reckless adolescent confidence all overlap into a completely irrational soup of decision-making.
But that period of life, like all of them, does pass. We keep growing, sweeping through adolescence, surging on through the twenties, and edging into middle age.
Once an adult, it can be difficult to imagine exactly what felt most important when you were 12 years old.
And yet, a few things stick. They lead us to compare and contrast the plans of that 12-year-old kid against what actually occurred in our lives.
The result is a reflection equal parts nostalgic, relieved, and hilarious.
Some Redditors offered up their answers to that question.
coronacel asked, "What would 12 year-old you never believe about adult you?"
Many people keyed in on the clearest signs that adulthood had arrived completely, leaving the zaniness of childhood largely in the dust.
"That sometimes, when I'm not paying attention, my mom's words slipped right out of my mouth!" -- BlindGirlSees
"Sometimes it happens even when I'm paying attention. I'm too young to turn into her." -- SkyScamall
"I just tell people that my dad is the world's greatest ventriloquist. He can be miles away and his voice still comes out of my mouth." -- OpeScuseMe74
"For almost 9 years, I've worked literally 1 minute away from a huge water park and I've never gone there." -- subject_deleted
"Yeah the chance of drowning is non-zero, pretty sure 12 year old me would avoid the place too." -- vizthex
"This one breaks my heart, imagine the look on your younger face." -- Splashfooz
All About Context
"I actually like exercise and physical activity, it's just PE class that sucked." -- mulitvac83
"School does a surprisingly good job of sucking every last bit of fun out of many subjects. PE focused on competitive team sports -- horrible for non-competitive or less coordinated people." -- ljr55555
"That I'm in bed usually by 8:45 every night. To sleep 😳" -- QueenBetsie
"a good sleep cycle rocks. Wish i could push myself to do that." -- GotYeeted
"This is me and then I sleep 8-9 hours and wake up with the sunrise and no alarm. 12 year old me, during the summer, stayed up until sunrise and slept until afternoon." -- pieohmi
Some Changed, Some Didn't
"That I actually like bees now and want to pursue beekeeping some day."
"I used to hate all bugs no matter what, but with more research, I realized that bees aren't so bad. Still hate other bugs tho..."
Lost in the Shuffle
"That all of the things I said I'd always remember and never do as an adult, I've largely forgotten and probably do as an adult ..." -- monsieurpoupon
"12 year old me would hate an office job. Ugh, 9-5 is not for me! I wanted to be doing stuff outside. Commutes are gross.
"31 year old me loves my office job and the structure a 9-5 (though I am 8-4, technically) brings my life. I MISS my office and my commute since working from home. They were clear divides of when I work, wind down (commuting with podcasts and audiobooks), and am free at home." -- deskbeetle
No, Special Agents Aren't the Only Ones
"I live in a whole a** other country and speak another language now, that definitely would've come as a surprise." -- Ryoukugan
"Same. And despite all the hours 12 year old me spent with a Japanese dictionary, it's not Japan" -- Cunninglinguist87
Others lamented that some things they dreamed about as kids never quite panned out as the years went by.
To be fair, many of those dreams were rather far-fetched. Though not all.
Still Waiting On the Steeds
"That I'm almost 40 and still don't have a stable full of horses." -- carmindy
"I just turned 40 and finally do have a horse of my own. It was well worth the wait, young me!" -- corporatewazzack
"I used to wake up every Christmas morning, hoping and wishing I'd see a horse on my parents' suburban front lawn. Believe it or not it didn't happen."
"I literally picked a career path in accounting to have the financial stability to own horses some day and am borderline ready to forgo having children to make it happen." -- fivecentssobct11
"That I haven't gotten married. That something I just assumed would happen and yet here we are and I'm still single."
"I think he'd also be surprised at how rough my teenage years were."
Never Came Together
"That, I too, don't know what the fu** I'm doing with my life." -- lilasketching
"Lol I think 12 year old me knew more about what I was doing in life than I do" -- platypossamous
"12 yo me had her whole life planned ahead of her and was ready to take on the entire world. She wouldn't be happy to hear that none of it panned out the way it was planned and I have no idea what I'm doing on any given day." -- SimonSpooner
Don't Hold Your Breath
"We never got that growth spurt we were promised" -- mumoftheweek
"Same. I'm in my 20's and people still tell me I'll get one one day." -- Monarch_of_God
"Mine seems to have been horizontal rather than vertical." -- AStartIsBorn
But some people took note of the things that haven't changed a bit, despite all the years that separate them from their 12-year-old selves.
They were happy to reflect on the innocence they've managed to retain.
Good for a Laugh
"That I still laugh at the exact same things." -- Billy-Mays-Ghost
"Still listen to the same music too" -- platypossamous
"I love a good fart joke. Probably more than I ever have." -- WaterWatcher
The Locks are BACK
"That my hair would still be this long!"
"I was on chemo from 11-14 and all I wanted was to get my hair back. I had luscious locks halfway down my back(I'm a boy) and I'm proud to say after 3 years of being off chemo my hair has restored to (almost) it's old length."
"I'm eternally greatful for my life, and plan to live it to the fullest!"
"I get that I'm not really an "adult" but I'm as adult as I've ever been"
Finally Striking Out
"When I was not 12 but 13, I got this crazy idea. I dreamed of someday loading a bunch of camping gear onto my bicycle and disappearing for a year or so to ride around the country. Also when I was 13, I started to see signs of trouble in my family."
When I was 17, those family troubles would culminate I'm my parents' divorce. And when I was 20 years old, I would finally set off on that bike camping trip I'd dreamed of for so long."
"So 13 year old me would be super stoked to hear that the bike trip actually happened, and he wouldn't be entirely surprised about the divorce and its lingering effects to this day. But 12 year old me? Yeah, he has absolutely no idea what's coming."
Committed After All These Years
"I'd still sit down for an all night session of Dungeons and Dragons." -- TigerMkIV
"I never played DnD, but I really, really want to try. I've been listening to a bit of The Adventure Zone podcast and it sounds like a blast. Growing up, it was always the bottom of the barrel for nerdism. You could play or be into anything nerdy and get away with it because 'at least it's not DnD.' "
"I think my friends and I would really dig it if they just got past the stereotype. The last time I talked about it some time ago, the idea got shot down. Maybe I'll give it another go the next time I go home, or try arranging it with them online over roll20."
"The biggest problem is that I would likely have to be dungeon master for a group that knows nothing about it. I barely do." -- Voittaa
"That I own an ice cream shop. 🤯" -- blackcatice
"As an ice cream shop owner, how much ice cream do you infact still consume? Do you get tired of it after a while? Can one even get tired of ice cream?" -- AnAncientMonk
Now that you've read this, take a second to reflect on your own answer to the 12-year-old question.
Celebrities and artists of note are just people, too. That is the first rule to remember when coming face to face with a star. They are no better than the rest of us mere mortals. That realization should ease the anticipation or disappointment should they prove to be less than kind. However I've had encounters and heard stories were the celebrity couldn't have been nicer. Meryl Streep is a gem. Idina Menzel is a sweetheart and Lady Gaga is super tiny. So my divas were on point.Redditor u/Qazival wanted to hear about the times they've encountered the famous by asking.... Which celebrity did you meet and found they were much kinder/ruder than you expected?
"I Love Your Shirt!"jack black GIFGiphy
A few years ago Tenacious D played a concert in Kuala Lumpur. The building the concert was in was pretty small, and there's no way they made a lot of money from the show.
Despite that, after the show was over, Jack Black came back out on the stage and just chatted and joked around with people for like an hour. My buddy yelled out, "I love your shirt!" Jack Black yelled back, "I love your shirt! Trade me!" Then he took of his shirt and threw it to my buddy, who threw his shirt to Jack Black. Jack Black threw my friend's shirt back after pretending to try it on (my friend is much thinner than Black, haha), and then told him to keep his shirt from the concert.
It was a great experience!
I met Renee Zellweger and she was so much kinder than I ever could have imagined. This was when hurricane Harvey hit Texas. I was working at Austin Pets Alive and we took in thousands of animals from hard hit areas. It was insane. One day Renee Zellweger just showed up to volunteer. No warning, no fanfare. In fact, the only reason I noticed her is that she was wearing long sleeves and long pants and it was august in Texas. She spent a week volunteering.
She did laundry, cleaned out poop covered crates, and drove vans of dogs from Houston to Austin (not a pleasant job with the smell and the barking). I hope this doesn't get buried because she was truly amazing. So so nice and hardworking. The laundry room was next to my office so we became friendly over the week she was there. There are multiple news articles about this so it's legit. Forever a fan.
A Kinder Soul
I met Gordon Ramsay once at a book signing event, I was just walking around the area and ran into him on his free time. He was actually so nice and down to earth. Talked about food for a few minutes and how he's liking his trip so far. Super nice guy and nothing like you see on his cooking shows.
The Aussiedonald trump v GIFGiphy
I met Liam Hemsworth at a supermarket in a small coastal town in Australia earlier this year. I almost didn't even notice it was him as he fit in seamlessly being the down to earth, laid back Aussie guy he is. He was super nice and genuine and even made an effort to thank the employees and the store's security on his way out.
When in Malta
Brad Pitt is a top-notch guy in real life
I met him in Malta while he was filming Troy. I was guiding a group of students as a group leader on a holiday trip and we saw Pitt just walking out of a cafe. He took time to take lots of pictures with all the kids and was really nice to everyone. Among my group were a bunch of teenage girls who almost fainted. Hilarious day all around.
Also i recall a comedian being impressed when he met Arnold Schwarzenegger. The man has a bodyguard who has to stop him from talking to a single fan for too long, otherwise he would have never stopped on time for the rest of the fans to get their turn to speak to him.
Imagine being so nice to your fans that you need someone to stop you...
The Fassi dont know michael fassbender GIFGiphy
Haven't had many rude experiences, but I can definitely attest that Michael Fassbender was a kind man who acted more excited to meet me than I was to meet him. Very satisfied by that experience!
Kinder - Nicole Kidman. To be fair, this was back in the 80s before she hit the big time. She was, however, making movies then and had a profile. I did ask her what it was like being in films and she replied: 'Oh good, but, you know, Tom (Burlinson, her then boyfriend) gets all the good roles'. She struck me as a very genuine, decent person.
The Good Guys
David Beckham - not just a nice guy, but when his kids came to the secret event we were filming and some people spotted them, he came across and told the public who could see him that he'd do any photos or signings they liked, but to please leave his kids alone as they were not in the public eye and he wanted them to be afforded privacy. Good dad.
Jamie Lee Curtis - we chatted about cameras for ages before I realised who she was (after we finished chatting). She had a very nice Leica.
Skater Christina Lenko was an absolute diamond, playing with someone's kids on set between rehearsals, I fell a little bit in love watching her.
Eartha Kitt - despite being mid-80's, she was doing 2 shows a day and would still use the show interval for a fan meet and greet, then her rider was "a salmon salad sandwich". A true star with true humility.
I won't go on about the fools. They tend to be mid-famous on the way up. The bottom rung are just so happy to be entertaining, the top rung have nothing to prove.
Hey RobinRobin Williams Hello GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphy
Robin Williams was shooting a film in my city he stopped by the nearest senior home just to say hello and take pictures with the residents. No other reason than to brighten up their day class act of a man. My grandma was a resident.
Chris Noth (Sex and the City's Mr Big) sat next to my brother on a flight years ago. My brother can't have been more than 10 at the time and used to get super nervous and travel sick on flights. Chris Noth was unbelievably kind to him. Told my mum he was happy to keep an eye on him, made sure he had plenty to drink and extra blankets, and even offered him his dessert because he woke up after food had been around. He was just such a lovely man and made my bro feel loads better. Genuinely awesome guy!
Spoon full of sugar
Julie Andrews was a sweetheart. My boss was starstruck because he loves Mary Poppins so he went out to her table to do his chef thing and he said she was so down to earth and complimented his food.
Harry Connick Jr is also really nice, and so are his kids. They were having breakfast and his kids asked if they could please go to the pool after, and said "please" and "thank you" to the waitress. They were really polite and you could tell that their parents don't let them get away with bratty shit just because they're rich.
Best of Welsh
Michael Sheen - he does a lot of charity work for our shared hometown. I had no idea just how well known he was as a kid. Years ago he spent a night bowling with our youth club, it's been a decade and I'm still blown away by how caring and genuine he was. He's always doing something wonderful for the people in South Wales, and every time I hear about what he's up to I still can't believe my luck that I met him.
He's the best of the Welsh.
I used to work in the music and film industry (as a grunt, when I was in my early 20s), so I've met a lot of celebrities.
George Clooney was the nicest one - SO down to earth, and would play practical jokes on the entire crew very regularly. He had these t-shirts made for every crew member to wear with the director's picture on the cover of People's "sexiest man alive", lol. (This was not an attractive director - it was kind of a joke between them I guess.) He had his car drive people home if buses weren't on schedule or whatever. He'd eat lunch with the crew rather than in his trailer.
I had the pleasure of working a show on a David Bowie tour he did in theatres. Every member of his band made a point to thank the crew members. IDK if Bowie himself did it but I wouldn't be surprised.
My dad had a coworker who was in Lake Como and decided to go look at George Clooney's house. While he was standing there, he heard a voice say "Don't just stand there and stare, come have a beer inside" and it was frickin' George Clooney. So he did, and said it was awesome. This was before George was married with kids, so I don't think he'd do it now. (Disclaimer: the coworker could have been lying, but he DID have a photo of him clinking beer bottles with George Clooney, so they had a drink SOMEWHERE.)
We're all going to die. Life is finite. That is just a not so rosy fact about our time hear on Earth. Once we come to terms with that knowledge it frees us to makes grand plans to flourish in every second. Well, it should inspire us to make plans; instead of wasting a single moment. A bucket list is an important item to piece together. We should all sit down jot down some can't miss ideas. Know them, and then do them. You're only gonna get one go at this.Redditor u/goodfeels4life wanted everyone to open their journals and read us some dreams they want to accomplish before time runs out by asking.... What is one thing you want to do before you die?
Happiness Always....Happy Joy GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
I just want to be happy with my life. I'm almost there. Been crawling out of a dark place for the last 6 years. Finally got off medicine last year.
The Night Sky
I just want to go somewhere that it is dark enough to see the night sky like our ancestors did.
Start with this Dark Sky Finder. It helps you find the darkest places on earth to view stars.These are areas (often around observatories) where the law requires light pollution compliance of all nearby residences, businesses and cities. But also naturally occurring due to low population density.
There's a good number of other links on the site to find the nearest place you can go to see the sky like our ancestors did. I found a place in my home state (Texas) where we were able to see the Milky Way like I didn't think possible.
I hope it helps and I hope you get your wish.
All the $$$
Not have to worry about money.
I'm tired of every decision I make revolving around money...
"Can I afford it?"
"What would I have to compromise?"
"What happens is I mess up and can't afford it again?"
"How long will it take to save?"
"Do I have to skip food for several days again?"
Go! Go! Go!
I want to through hike the Appalachian trail.
Hey this is what I came to say! I've started my journey... kind of. I just bought damn near all the gear to just get into backpacking and I'm going to go as much as possible throughout 2021 to practice and hone my packing list for the trail and then try for it in 2022!!! You got this! Go go go!!!
"12 Angry Men"
Jury duty. Idk why. Just intrigued by it.
It's funny - we actually DID do a "12 Angry Men" thing. We took a blind vote and 1 person thought the lady was not guilty (everyone else voted guilty immediately, without discussion). So we discussed for an hour or so and at the end the person who initially voted "not guilty" said that he would have voted "guilty", but wanted to force us to at least discuss the possibility of her being innocent.
get your floaties....
If giraffes can swim, it'd be pretty cool to swim with a giraffe.
I want to see the pyramids in Egypt among other destinations.
I went to go visit the Pyramids in Cairo, what an amazing 3 days. It's truly another world there. People were friendly and interested to meet you. Walking the back streets of Cairo at night, discovering tasty street food outlets and playing street football with the local kids. That's an all-time life highlight of mine right there - and I did it alone. Highly recommended!
The Homelandold man grandpa GIF by The Little VampireGiphy
Go to the town my grandfather was from. He died way before I was born so I only know about him through stories. I'm told I look a lot like him.
Love is in the Air
To fall in love with someone who loves me at the same time. I've never had that, I've never been in love with someone while they were in love with me and when I was I didn't have the courage to do anything about it. I've always missed my window, and I don't want to miss it again. I'm scared as hell but I'll best my heart and soul for it I have to.
From the Groundcute stars GIF by CLGiphy
I want to spend a night under the aurora borealis. It will happen some day. :)
Creating a family of one's own (whether it be with a partner or by yourself) is a sacred and beautiful life decision. Unfortunately the road to success on this path can be bumpy. Sometimes mother nature doesn't play fair and hopeful parents have to find "special" ways to bring their new loved one home. Two of the ways to make a family is through the medical procedure of IVF and adoption. Both are tried and true methods, but for many, doing IVF and creating a "biological" bond often outweighs adoption, which can be a controversial decision.Redditor u/ellie1398 wanted to hear from people who are trying to fulfill their dreams of creating a family from flesh and blood by asking.... [Serious] Why would people rather spend a fortune on in vitro fertilization than adopt a child?
Trust me, you didn't miss out on much. Pregnancy is not usually fun. I threw up 3-5 daily for the first six months, even while on medication for morning sickness. And childbirth is pretty gross. Most women poop while in labor. I did. Not to mention all the other bodily fluids I'll probably have another bio kid, but I really do want to adopt after that. Or do foster care Blood doesn't make you a family, love and connection does. And adopting doesn't mean your kid is any less your kid.
On the same note, I get not being able to conceive must be really tough.
I have a cousin, infertile, who spent years trying to adopt and spent a huge amount of money going through the process multiple times, honestly sometimes adopting goes great and other times it turns out to be a soul-crushing effort in futility.
My father-in-law and mother-in-law adopted four children after they married, in part because he had had a vasectomy while married to his first wife. One of the children was taken back by the birth family after a single weekend. Two of the other three eventually involved going to court with extended members of the birth families, who found out about the adoptions years later and wanted to claim the children.
With IVF, you are certain you will have parental rights. It's not so certain with adoption, at least in America, because many courts will favor those with a genetic connection (and almost all will at least listen to them).
No Cheap Way.
For what it's worth adoption is often expensive too. And it can take a very long time - you don't get to just go down to Babies'R'Us and pick your favorite, you have to be more or less chosen by an expectant mother. And they can often fail to come fruition - mama gets cold feet, or something.
People act like there are just a ton of adoptable babies. There is not. Most kids that are readily available have major health, mental, or emotional problems, especially older kids.
Their own genetics to live on.
Depending on where you choose to adopt from it can cost as much as 50k. Adopting an infant is often a stressful process since the mother retains rights to terminate the process at any time up until the final moment. That means you could spend all of the money and emotional effort to go through the process only to have it derailed last minute.
Another issue is that often times older children come from extremely hostile and unhealthy environments. They have emotional issues and behaviors that make raising them much harder.
The last issue, and the most superficial, is that people want their own children. Their own genetics to live on.
More than you can handle....
As an AP there are a lot of people who are not ready to adopt and kids suffer for it. I think they should do more to ensure parents are ready, especially if they are adopting transracially or after infertility. So many kids end up with parents who can't handle what adoption brings with it.
And when it comes to foster care, the standards should be even higher. The only thing worse than being removed from your parents due to abuse or neglect is facing that same situation in a house full of strangers.
After the 1st...
We went through IVF and had our first child. A few times through the process we were asked "why not just adopt?". We both agreed we would try to have OUR child first, but that didn't mean adopting was off the table. Even if you go through IVF, it has a slim chance of working.
I can't speak personally, but I asked a friend of mine this exact question, as his wife is going the IVF route first. They both know people who have attempted to adopt, sometimes two or three times, and every time the expectant mother pulled out of the process. If one's friends all have a 0% success rate of adoptions, I imagine it can turn you real sour to the process.
Apparently 50% of all fertilizations, both natural and IVF, just fail. I talked about this with a researcher once. They just can't explain why there is a coin flip of a chance of the fertilized egg from being viable. The process just failed to start. With no clear explanation. Women often don't even notice that this has happened. The process just fails to start.
Made me realize that successful pregnancy, even if common, is extremely difficult and lucky.
In our state, adoption is more invasive than IVF. Instead of privacy between you and your doctor, you have to submit to all sorts of home studies, interviews, agency visits, and questions being asked by all sorts of people to all parts of your life. And in the end, the option for IVF was covered by medical insurance, whereas all adoption fees are yours to incur.
"A note on the premise"
First, I want to acknowledge that I'm extremely pro-adoption. My comments aren't meant to suggest I'm not, but rather an attempt to answer the question.
A note on the premise, adoption isn't exactly cheap. It's not like a $20 donation to the animal shelter. I don't think anybody views adoption vs IVF as a strictly financial decision, but there are too many factors to make a blanket statement about the financial particulars for every situation.
Also, depending on your state, adoption can be a pretty brutal process, frankly.
Some states require you to spend time in the foster care world (which can be heart-wrenching) and it's not exactly uncommon for birth parents to try and regain custody- an emotional and financial nightmare. Nobody's suggesting it isn't, but adoption is hard on both the parents and children in a way that having a baby of your own is not.
For what it's worth, and I'm not saying I agree with it, people who want children may occasionally view adoption as a method of last resort.
On the flowchart of how people might choose to have children, I'm betting the order of priorities for those with the means to consider all of the options in play goes as follows:
conceive naturally - conceive with assistance - adoption
Again- not meant to be an encapsulating comparison between IVF and adoption, but rather an observation of what folks given that choice might consider.
Mental illness definitely disqualifies you from a lot of adoptions, but possibly only the international ones. (And only certain countries.) So does your age, the amount of time you've been married, and whether or not either of you are divorced. Oh and a lot of them require that you be a member of a Christian church.
People seem to think adoption is like in old times TV shows where you just go to an orphanage and pick a baby. My sister in law adopted a baby and the birth mother changed her mind. It was heart wrenching. My parents were foster parents to a little boy and spent two years taking him to visits with his birth parents before they signed over their parental rights and my parents could adopt him.
It was a roller coaster two years because you LOVE this kid and at any moment the courts could decide his parents are no longer unfit parents and you have to give him back forever. That kind of emotional roller coaster is not something everyone can handle.
I've wanted to adopt kids basically since I was a kid myself, but I know it's not easy emotionally, financially, or mentally for a lot of cases.
I think a lot of people want to start off their families 'clean' so to speak, meaning no government interference (since IVF just requires medical interviews, checkups, etc) and potential issues with biological parents. Beyond that, there may be other health issues that can rise up from the time in utero or the first months/years (depending on what age the child is ofc) that will affect a child's development/personality/health and that you have no control over whatsoever.
Then even beyond that, there's the added step of figuring out how to explain to your child that you aren't genetically related and dealing with any identity questions they may have arise from that discussion.
I want to adopt, but I can definitely see why people are very hesitant to do so and turn to other means to build their families.
I initially wanted to adopt, then I looked into it more. I'm in the UK, and generally babies are not given up at birth, but children are removed from the home after going through hell. They deserve love and support, but they need someone who can handle the inevitable damage that has occurred. As much as I wanted to adopt, I had to admit, with my mental health issues, I cannot be strong enough to help a child through such trauma.
Isn't IVF also still using your egg and or sperm, so theres still the whole biological component some people still want their genes passed down.
I think it's the best answer to OP's question by a mile. But it's one of those things that people don't necessarily feel proud about, not really a feel good thing to say "I would prefer to raise my actual biological offspring." Even though most people probably feel that way to some degree. And on the other hand, as you say, if you feel committed to doing the obviously 'righteous' path you would be more inclined to advertise that.
I'm surprised biology isn't a bigger part of the conversation.
That biological link is the entire "nature" side of rearing a child. Adoption only allows you to pass on your knowledge, and has zero genetic influence on the next generation. You'd miss out on seeing their hereditary traits develop and furthering your bloodline.
This thread smacks of charitable pretentiousness that ready parents should donate their attention to children already in need instead of doing something as selfish as, god forbid, having a kid of their own.
I've always considered adoption to be the first choice, even before having your own, my reasoning isn't because I was in foster care, because I've never been in it, my reasoning is, there's too many people in the world and bringing more into an already doomed world is selfish, you get to love that kid for a few years and that kid has to suffer through life for the rest of its, and also, my family is damn awful, I don't want my bloodline to continue, not to mention the hereditary heart disease, sciatica, blindness, poor posture because of our height, constant aching bones and the few other things were prone too.
There are actually very strict rules about adoption (although i only know about England) and one of the factors is age, so if you've spent years trying for a baby and doing IVF then often you simply can't adopt because you won't meet the requirements. this is what happened to my brother and his wife, they were so upset by it, their last option and it wasn't even available for them.