Women Explain Which Mistakes Dads Make Raising Daughters
Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked: 'Daughters of reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?'
"Daddy's Girl, Daddy's Girl, I'm the center of Daddy's world..." ~ "Daddy's Girl" by Red Sovine
A lot has been written about the bond between fathers and daughters.
But there's always room for improvement, right?
And who better to offer constructive criticism than daughters?
Reddit user Bluemonday82 asked:
"Daughters of Reddit: what's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?"
Affection
"My dad and I recently talked about how he stopped showing physical affection when I hit puberty (20 years ago). He didn't know how to act because his sisters got treated inappropriately by others when he was young, and he wanted to be sure I never felt like that."
"It resulted in me never getting hugs or kisses on the cheeks anymore. He also didn't know how to talk about it in the past."
"But in the last years, he worked through so much of his rough childhood and really learned to express himself better. He apologized, and I said I understood and that his intentions came from a good place, that the only bad thing was all the hugs we missed out on."
"We hugged for a really long time after that, and we've been hugging extra tight ever since."
"So I guess what I wanna say is, don't treat your daughters differently when their bodies start to change. And always keep talking!"
"I'm so proud of my dad for the person he's become."
"For a while, I didn't wanna hug my dad either. Puberty was rough for me, and the adults in my life kept acting like it was just a phase."
"And I guess it was, but that doesn't mean it wasn't the most emotionally complicated and lonely period of my life. The feelings weren't less real."
"My dad and I struggled a lot. He didn't know how to express himself at all, and I was so overwhelmed I didn't know either."
"I also grew up with two autistic brothers who needed a lot of care and attention. I love them so much, but it resulted in me always looking out for them and never learning (until just a few years ago) to properly give space to my own inner turmoil."
"My brothers were never physically affectionate either. But once I got out of the heaviest puberty years, I did want that affection from my dad. For a while, male physical attention was a very complicated topic for me."
"A Christian upbringing also played a role in that cause as a young girl growing into a woman, it had a lot to say about how I should behave around men."
"Something important to add is that my dad's rough childhood not only made it hard to show love but also receive it. His journey started with the realization that he had no idea how to react to getting compliments."
"I think that's a thing that a lot of men (from his generation especially, but also younger ones) will recognize. Know that we are all deserving of love and kindness, especially from our loved ones, but even more so from ourselves!"
"My dad couldn't ever have grown this much without learning to really understand what that means. And diving into the withholding of love from his parents heavily impacted how he dealt with that himself."
"I'm so glad my dad and I could both grow and work through our issues. Even if he couldn't show or say it, I never really doubted his love for me."
"But I know he would encourage you all to learn how to show and receive appreciation! That man is my example for people never being too old to learn."
"I'm sending love and strength to all of you who struggle with this in one way or another."
"And to the fathers who feel like their young kids don't want their affection, just know that this will most likely change again over time. They might act like they don't wanna hear it, but keep letting them know you're there for them."
~ yuffieisathief
Showing Up
"The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are him watching TV or being on the computer and not having time to play with me."
"He always said he’s too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. So since we never really bonded when I was little we weren’t all that close as I grew older either."
~ katie__kat
Communication
"Getting angry for something the kid doesn't know, and never teaching it. Not before and not even after getting angry.
"Doing something you know upsets the kid on purpose."
"Slamming doors and stuff in the house because you're angry."
"Not listening, and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking for helping."
~ yoyuayu
"I'll never forget the time my dad saw me put something metal in the microwave. I don't know how old I was, but I know I needed to push a chair to the counter to even reach the microwave."
"He SCREAMED at me for several minutes about how STUPID I was and how he couldn't believe I would do something SO INCREDIBLY DUMB and was I trying to start a fire??"
"I had no idea you weren't supposed to put metal in a microwave."
"I did learn a few things that day- don't put metal in the microwave and don't do anything wrong in front of Daddy. Oh, but you won't know if was wrong or not until too late..."
~ DrScarecrow
"Didn’t have to look very far to find the description of my dad—especially slamming doors and hitting things loudly when upset while stomping all over the house."
"People always get a kick out of how jumpy I am (easily startled), but it’s reflexive from anticipating loud bangs/crashing that would come out of nowhere every day."
~ ouija__bored
"My dad had such a short temper. He didn't necessarily hit me, but I got spanked til I was 9 years old and then my mom told him I was too old for that."
"But whenever he was angry (and that was a lot of the time) he'd scream and sometimes slam things."
"My husband slammed his hand onto the table a couple times during fights near the beginning, but realized he was wrong for acting like that, especially seeing how I'd immediately shut down. He's gotten much better."
~ Educational_Cat_5902
Being Your Child's Bully
"Singing in a falsetto voice and poking until your autistic kid is screaming at you to stop isn’t 'fun' or teaching them to be less sensitive, it’s why they don’t ever want to hang out with you."
~ Redqueenhypo
"Making fun when your small daughter is having big feelings."
"I got so furiously frustrated when my parents wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell them and my dad just loooooved to mock my crying or squeaky 'upset' voice back at me."
"It made me so f*cking hurt and angry to not only be ignored and patronized, but actively MOCKED when I tried to communicate."
"Now as an adult I don't bother trying to share anything with them."
"Another classic was when I was disappointed and said, 'aww, man' he'd scrunch up his face, raise his voice three octaves, and 'AwW mAn!!' back at me."
"So now I wasn't just sad and disappointed, but sad, disappointed, and humiliated!"
"Imagine choosing to be your child's first bully... 😞"
~ Not_a_werecat
Just a Girl
"Or from my experience—not even bothering to teach anything because Dad assumes his daughter wouldn't be interested because she's a girl."
"Worse—actively making sh*tty jokes about women not liking those things."
~ Cinnapuns
"Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad 'doesn't have anything in common with a girl'."
"This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life."
~ Dangerous_Contact737
Puberty Isn't a Disease
"My dad basically bailed on parenting once I hit puberty."
"Like, you think I’m enjoying this? It would have been great to have another supportive adult around."
~ captain_flasch
"Same! What’s up with that?"
"I remember having a good relationship with my dad as a child but he emotionally cut me off and stopped hanging out with me when the boobs came in."
"I would be lying if I said that I’m past it and it doesn’t f*ck with my head still."
~ Pandapartyatmidnight
Know Nothing
"Literally knowing nothing about their daughters lives."
"Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions—like what their daughter's birthday, or eye color, or school is—and the dads have no idea are not at all funny.
"I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me—even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years."
~ Lazylioness17
"One year when I was in elementary, my mom left a comically large piece of paper on the front door for my dad telling him not to forget to wish me a happy birthday."
"Not only did he not wish me a happy birthday, but he somehow didn’t see the gigantic sign when he walked in the house from work. So I got to read it when I got home from school."
"Sometimes I think about calling him to check in but then I think of that (and other complete fumbles) and then I just don’t."
~ TetonsTeaTin
"When I was in 4th grade, we did a Christmas recital where all the classes sung songs. My mom couldn’t make it because she had work so she sent my dad with the camcorder."
"He recorded the wrong kid. Very awkward watching the tape that night."
~ myturtlebitme
The original poster shared their reason for asking his question.
"Wanted to add that I'm a dad of a teen and that motivated me to ask this. The replies are just heartbreaking."
"I'm reading every single reply and I really hope all the dads and parents and basically everyone is learning something."
~ Bluemonday82
"Dad of an almost 4 year old daughter with two older brothers…. I’m scouring this post like there is cash on it somewhere."
~ Feeling_Advantage108
"I’m doing the same thing, stepdad that adores both my boy and girl. Couldn’t have kids myself. Searching for gold on this thread."
~ Numbthumbz
And the daughters appreciated it.
"This is healing my younger self—knowing that there are fathers trying to do right by their young girls.
"I'm 25 now and I think if he just would have asked me how I was doing (and meant it) it would have changed me a lot."
~ Loniceraa
"Same. My father was cartoonishly selfish, strict, controlling and mostly only saw me as a pretty, obedient mirror born to reflect his glory. What I thought, felt, liked, or wanted mattered very little and we seldom had what I would call 'real' conversations."
"Reading the posts of all the good fathers in this thread has been wonderful."
"I'm so happy there are tons of little girls out there with fathers who want to know them and see them for who they really are, who want to teach them things and bond with them."
"My father never wanted to get to know the real me, which is a shame because I'm a f*cking delight."
~ insolentpopinjay
As the OP stated, hopefully everyone has used this opportunity to learn something.
Is there anything you would add?
The notion that it is socially unacceptable for one gender to engage in behavior typically reserved for another gender is outdated and ridiculous.
Curious to hear examples of double standards applied to men, Redditor ENTPain asked:
"What is a double standard that you have experienced as a guy but is seen as okay if you were a girl?"
Men discuss the double standards they've faced as it pertains to children.
Child Affection
"Kissing children. Got a rude awakening when I was in public with my nephew. He was being cute (as always) so I gave him a kiss on his forehead and cheeks."
"Someone 'politely' told me that it was weird that I was giving him affection like that and I was just shocked. I felt like if it was a girl they wouldn’t be told off about this."
"I don’t care what the public thinks though, my nephew and my new niece are getting all the hugs and kisses from me, the cooler uncle."
– UnwitheredKing
Custody Battle
"Somehow when it comes to kids the mom is more important, one of my good friends is having a rough breakup after his girlfriend of 10+ years went on a retreat with her friends from college. She f'ked 10+ guys, got pregnant and did not know who, got aggressive when my friend tried to reason with her because of the kids (they have 2, 4-year-old and a 2-year-old) and hit him hard enough in the face to chip a tooth."
"When they separated he filed for custody since, the judge called in favor of her, even after blaming the sex vacation on the copious amounts of drugs she did while she was at the retreat. She seemed a better parent to have sole custody over a boring dude that has a stable job, loves his kids more than anything, and even after this whole ordeal did not want to destroy the ex for ruining his life."
– Amelsander
Helping The Kid
"Interacting with children in public."
"I.E. a lost child, if a man tries to help, he is perceived as creepy at best, predatory at worst. While a female is just seen as caring and compassionate."
– ELPwork
Pretty In Pink
"Hetero dude here, went shopping with the kids today and saw a gorgeous pink pearl new Accord, and had to park next to it to get a closer look. Woman was getting into it and just had a confused look when I told her how incredibly awesome I thought it looked."
– wrencherspinner
Big Brother's Experience
"Taking my bro (16 ys difference) to a pool or an amusement park ... even if my stepmom is there , weird looks"
"Edit (i cant answer to all under here). I am european, and yes being an adult taking my younger bro out, i get lots of weird looks, i look too young to be his father , but too old to be his brother, if his mother is with us then suddenly she is the creep for having a younger boyfriend tho."
– SnooOpinions2673
Dad Skips, Gets Praised
"Not quite what the question is asking, but it iritates me as a father."
"When I take care of my daughter, doing simple things like feeding her or just skipping down the sidewalk or talking nonsense, people feel a need to tell me I'm 'such a great father' and 'wish there was men like you' like.... okay, you obviously have shitty people in your life, I'm doing my job, and it iritates my wife because she does the same thing and everyone just thinks it's normal."
– velikost-commander
The Ultimate Decision
"Fathers often don’t get custody of their kids in court."
– Burrito_Loyalist
Relationship issues were discussed.
Reaction To Rejection
"My highschool girlfriend physically attacked me the day I broke up with her. In retrospect there were red flags but at the time it was completely unexpected."
"She clawed at my face and sank her teeth into the inside of my thigh next to the groin. It was horrible."
"With the exception of my mom, no one I told gave the slightest sh*t about what had happened. In fact, I had to spend weeks concerned she would tell someone I'd victimized her."
"She left threatening voicemails and stalked me at work for a couple of months afterward. I also got a series of mysterious flat tires."
"Again, no one cares. You're a man and you need to look after yourself."
– lordorwell7
Assuming Position
"This one is much more lighthearted than some of the other comments on here, but omg I want to be the little spoon, idc that I’m 6’2” I just wanna be cuddled from behind like I’m in a little cocoon of happiness."
– KingOf_Anarchy
Feeling Violated
"Sexual assault. Specifically when it’s unwarranted touching/groping from girls on a night out or 'just having fun.'"
"If a guy does it it’s justifiably vilified, but the guy is usually told/asked if they’re gay to not want to be touched by a girl even if it’s unwanted."
– Leeono
The Risk
"Girls would grab my ass all the time in high school, even a girl that was underage, when I was 18 lol. If I grabbed her a** I’d risk jail time."
– SteeztheSleaze
Being inconvenienced is not exclusive to women.
Toilet Swap
"Last Christmas I went to waddesdon in Oxfordshire (UK) with my family to see the Christmas lights. When we got to the toilets I found that they had changed both male and female toilets to be female and moved men to plastic construction site style portaloos. These had no lights or running water. I was looking to change my infant sons nappy but couldn’t because baby changing facilities were in the toilets."
"When I complained I was told that one of the portaloos had a plastic shelf I could have used and that it was a 'practical solution to reducing queuing for the female toilets' because they tried adding the toilets for everyone but the women would rather queue up for the real toilets, so their solution was to force men to use them. Just imagine if they had done this the other way around?! I feel sorry for single dads and gay couples with children."
– Sharpax
Vertically Challenged
"Being short."
– JazzyPhotoMac
Taste For Cute
"Liking cute things."
– MKQueasy
"Definitely liking cute things is a right for everyone for God's sake 😤"
– The Original Poster (OP)
Good Company
"Taking my bro (16 ys difference) to a pool or an amusement park ... even if my stepmom is there , weird looks."
"Edit (i cant answer to all under here). I am european, and yes being an adult taking my younger bro out, i get lots of weird looks, i look too young to be his father , but too old to be his brother, if his mother is with us then suddenly she is the creep for having a younger boyfriend tho."
– SnooOpinions2673
Being Stalky
"Stalking or being 'creepy' in general seems to be fine if you are a girl, but not if you are a guy."
"I have a girl friend who openly admits to having folders on her phone filled with photoes of random people like her teachers from univerity (male ones) and I have never heard anybody saying its inappropriate."
– Threeth_
Do any of these examples shared by male Redditors sound familiar to you?
If you or someone you know experienced sexual assault, help is out there. You can reach the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline by calling 1-800-656-4673, use their Live Chat tool: https://www.rainn.org/get-help, or visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website.
In Canada, help is available through the Ending Violence Association of Canada website.
International resources can be found through the Rape Crisis Network Europe website.
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Some time ago, I revisited an interview the actress Kathleen Turner gave to Vulture wherein she spoke about her life and career, focusing in particular on how her career trajectory changed following her rheumatoid arthritis diagnosis in the early 1990s.
She kept the disease a secret for years and suffered in silence. Living with chronic pain exhausted her and made her irritable which, in turn, gave her a reputation for being "difficult" in the industry.
And you know what? That interview reminded me that women are thrown away without a care in the world while men are given chance after chance... When was the last time you saw her headline a film, especially as an "older" actress?
The world is full of double standards that complicate the lives of men and women alike but the ones that don't explicitly rely on gender expectations are equally annoying.
People told us all about the double standards they're sick and tired of after Redditor SecretSquirrel224 asked the online community,
"What is a double standard that really bothers you?"
"Management..."
"Management enforcing rules they break all the time."
fantastictangent
"If you're two minutes late..."
"If you're two minutes late on your break you're reprimanded harshly, yet you get stuck behind at work for an hour because it's busy? Just part of the job.
"Some businesses don't even pay you."
Pattoe89
This is true and so frustrating. I do not miss retail.
"I have lots of experience..."
"I have lots of experience (like they are asking) but the employer thinks I'm too old for the job."
sonia72quebec
Ageism is a very serious problem. So sad.
"But God forbid..."
"You get in ahead of everyone else, and no one notices or cares. But God forbid you depart before everyone else and are a slug. No, I worked the same number of hours (if not more) than you."
"You weren't here to see it, but that doesn't mean I wasn't there."
ElwandaPurnell
I worked a job like this once. Guess what? It's now my former job. I was more than happy to leave it–and on short notice.
"Can you imagine..."
"The government owes me about $5,000 in benefits, and they are five months late to pay up."
"When I managed to get someone on the phone about it, they told me there is nothing I can do besides wait and hope that they'll pay me the money they owe me at some point."
"Can you imagine what would happen if I was half a year late to pay my taxes? Police would literally be kicking down my door and I would be carted off to jail."
BoobingandBang
The Strangest Superstitions People Actually Observe | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The world can be a superstitious place. If you've ever knocked on wood or thrown salt over your shoulder then you've run into one or two throughout your life...This is remarkably frustrating but it is a pretty accurate example of how torturous and hypocritical the bureaucracy can be.
"My parents say..."
"My parents say that our generation only does stuff so that we can take a picture and post it, and then whenever we go do something, my parents take a ton of pictures so that they can post them."
SupremeLeaderTang
Your parents might want to look in the mirror. But take their phones away first in the event they decide they want to take another photo.
"Some people comply..."
"Cities and states telling us to conserve water by watering less. Some people comply and they end up getting fined by their city for having a dead or dying lawn."
"City and state buildings have the greenest lawns around because they water round the clock. Early morning, high noon, and in the evening. Half the sprinklers are usually over spraying in the middle of the road."
sauerpatchkid
"As a man..."
"As a man, being felt up/sexually assaulted in bars, work, other places and having it not be taken seriously, even being seen as comical."
LaughingJAY
"Women taking care of children..."
"Women taking care of the children is seen as natural and responsible, but a dad taking care of children is 'babysitting' or seen as creepy and problematic."
KingofCranes
"You have to leave..."
"You have to leave a letter of resignation for most jobs a couple of weeks in advance, but they can let you go without notice."
EpicWizardGuy2771
Well, well, well... annoyed yet?
Have some frustrations of your own? Feel free to vent in the comments below!
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People Break Down The Double Standards They're The Most Tired Of Seeing
Nobody is better than anybody else. Why is that such a difficult concept for so many people? One person doesn't get a pass for certain things that another person would be scolded for "just because."
Even in family dynamics, double standards are at play. Why should sons get a later curfew than daughters? Why can't a man vacuum? HOW are we still having these conversations?
It's time to break down the constructed hierarchies that have been imposed upon society. Let's get it all out there, so that we're all aware, so we can do better.
Redditor WistfulNightSky wanted to discuss the most unfair issues we all face on the daily, by asking:
What double standard are you tired of?
One of the worst places where double standards are constant is in the hospitality industry.
Take my time...
email GIFGiphy"My principal taking days to read and reply to my emails, if ever, VS me being told at 8 in the morning that I should have known something because he sent me an email at 10 in the evening the night before."
- mljb81
"bend"
"Politicians who come up with dumb to asinine laws, and vigorously enforce them upon all of the regular citizens, but somehow find ways to exempt themselves from being subject to the same obligations to keep and follow them, as we are."
"Easy. Big corporations and the rich, using legal bribing through lobbying to "bend" the rules in their favor more and more as time passes."
Bullies
"Defending yourself. The fact that someone can punished for defending themselves when no one else would, in my experience worse, is bullsh*t to me. Example a former bullied kid that punched back and got screwed."
"In my case, I got beaten up, didn't retaliate at all. Bully had rich parents who supported the school. So I was the one who got in trouble as I allegedly swore and instigated it, meaning him beating the crap out of me was apparently self-defense."
Speed Racer
"Speed limit laws bother me the most on this. You're telling me, on a road on which there are no cyclists or pedestrians, that I have to drive 25mph, but the mayor can drive 40mph to a press conference that he's late to and abuse the privilege of a police escort. See: NYC Vision Zero.
"They also use this law to increase red light cameras. For further context: in NYC a yellow light means "slam your brakes now"/"stop now" more than it does "slow down"/prepare to stop as it does in other parts of the country. Meanwhile a counter study (I will try to find he source later) showed that increasing the length of a yellow light by something absurd like one or two seconds would decrease the amount of red light violations significantly more effectively because people would have adequate time to stop while still allowing for a flow of traffic."
"Obviously, it's all a money grab. Meanwhile the mayor regularly is caught on camera flaunting this traffic regulation when he finds it inconvenient. It's infuriating. NYC has enough congestion as it is, so knee-capping people when they can finally move is just insulting."
Finding the Best
Job GIFGiphy"Entry level jobs" that require experience."
- Arctinii
"They think it weeds out the ones with no experience, but it just gives them candidates who are prepared to exaggerate or lie."
How does one acquire experience without being given a chance to earn it? Quite the conundrum.
Check the Clock
Seth Meyers Time GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"Your boss getting angry if you're a couple minutes late but then expects you to have no problem regularly staying on 2+ hours after your shift is meant to end."
People Describe Their Best Chance Encounters | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Are chance encounters really serendipitous or is it part of some grand master plan? While we may never have an answer for why we come to meet certain people ...Liars
"To borrow from Matt Haig: people being ok with mental illness until someone shows symptoms of one."
"100%. People like to talk about being cool with it, act all understanding, and then get super hostile if someone with untreated mental illness shows up. They don't mind it when they can't see it, but can't handle it when they actually see it in action."
All out Assault
"Customers being able to verbally and sometimes physically assault workers while the worker just has to stand there and take it or they'll be fired."
- lydiaj02
Nurse here. Almost every single one of my colleagues has been physically assaulted at some point in their career. We are often discouraged by upper management not to press charges or contact the police. We're also often asked what we could have done differently."
- tbaymama
In my Mouth
"Why is dental insurance different from "health insurance" aren't teeth part of my overall health wth!!"
- talwen69
"The dentist lobby game is strong. They've pushed for decades to not be considered part of the health industry and they've banked because of it. Sure I understand it's a specialty, but my teeth are attached to my skull."
The Bad Dipper
"My boss dipping out on a Thursday afternoon to go get messed up at the golf course, but I ask for one Friday off every few months and he's like AAHHH CMON MAN I NEED YOU TO BE A TEAM PLAYER!!"
Just Wait
"I have to be exactly on time for an appointment or risk a fine and no appointment. Yet a doctor can make you wait hours sometimes without even a "thank you for waiting" or "sorry about the wait." ~ cutiegirl88
"I can't stand that. Then, they only spend maybe five minutes with you tops. I have asked to do video or phone check ups, and was given a big no, but it's not like they even look at you these days. Why can't we do that on vid chat?" ~ Rightfoot27
Against the Norms
"Some people I know who are strongly against gender norms told me that I shouldn't have a say in my wedding since I'm a man… and that my fiancé alone makes the decisions It was pretty freaking confusing." ~ vajapocalypse
"This sounds a lot like my husband and me. I've always been a planner and my husband is very laid back, but we planned everything together. People always say it's the bride's day, but that's such BS. Our wedding was done on a low budget, but it was themed to Star Trek vs Star Wars and in a planetarium. So it really felt like we were planning a costume party more than anything lol." ~ Tiki108
Swipe Never
"The tinder attitude of "impress me," and "I have standards," "Be funny," "Don't be boring." "Meanwhile person is boring." ~ solvent_causis04
"All. The damned. Time. There's also "I just want someone to travel with and get lost on trips with." Yeah, I wish I had a lot of money too. Oh wait, you don't have a job?" ~ OPossumHamburger
Lawless
Donald Trump Water GIF by Election 2016Giphy"Politicians being able to openly violate the law and nobody does anything." ~ TheGrandExquisitor
The Star Effect
"Star student athletes are nearly untouchable. If they make the school look good the school will almost never take action against them." ~ HonoraryCanadian
"As evidenced by the fact that at my college, several of the football "stars" would literally just park wherever they wanted and never get towed/ticketed. I'm not talking about things like parking in the faculty lot, or where you don't have a pass. I'm talking things like parking on the sidewalk in front of the student union, after driving over a curb and 20ft of grass to get there." ~ ender4171
Calling HR
"How it's perfectly okay for a potential employer to ask your salary expectations even before an interview, but a candidate asking what the job pays is somehow a red flag for HR and a big no-no. Like, if all the employer cares about is what I will cost them (before learning anything else about me), then I should be able to freaking ask too. But no, I'm branded as only caring about money. And you don't you corporate prick?" ~ CrieDeCoeur
For the children...
"When company's say they are family friendly but don't want you to work from home or help with child care." ~ Pewcachan
"Mine's championing "work-life balance for everyone in the country" while also dragging us back into the office for no freaking reason. Working from home saves me an entire work day worth of commute each week. Leave me be!" ~ obscureferences
Plastics
"Consumers are expected to curb the use of their plastic waste and carbon by corporations and regulatory bodies alike while Nestlé will destroy a natural habitat to make bottled water in plastic bottles and dump the waste into your grandma's urn if its affordable." ~ Aledeyis
Being Me
Confused Excuse Me GIF by GIPHY NewsGiphy"Struggled with social interactions growing up. Half of my life was people telling me not to take things so personally. The other half was being told to conduct myself a certain way so I don't upset people." ~ Cuesport77
Learn about it...
"People that say 'don't worry about what other people think, be yourself' but make judgments about people based on behavior they don't understand. If you don't understand something, ask about it. Learn about it. Talk about it to gain an understanding. I wish more value was placed on learning/understanding people's intentions vs what you see on the surface. And don't say things unless you really mean them." ~ wheresmywang710
Nows we know better. I hope. Be a better boss and a better person. So we can be a better society.
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People Explain Which Double Standards Need To End Immediately
Double standards are something we all live with and, quite likely, find extremely annoying. Things like men being expected to hide their emotions—or not have them at all—or women being expected to stay home and support a couple's children, everyone is generally harmed by double standards.
This is especially true when the double standard isn't clear until someone violates it and then has to deal with anger, ridicule, or sometimes even violence as a result.
Content Note: this article mentions suicide and sexual assault, reader discretion advised.
Reddit user RichPesaventoum asked folks on AskReddit:
"What double standard needs to end NOW?"
Politicians aren't perfect, even the ones you like.
"Ignoring character flaws in politicians you support while demonizing ones you disagree with over the same thing and similar flaws."
"I hate when people assume that because you are in support of a certain party that you blindly agree with every policy, every speech, everything they do. It shouldn't be that way. We're allowed to be displeased or hate things and yet still support the majority of what they do, or at least see them as the better candidate."
It's normal for guys to like kids too.
"That guys that like kids are pervs but women can love kids. I am a dad to a 3 year old girl and think kids are a ton of fun, but society thinks if I like kids I am a perv or something."
"I had trouble with this when mine were young. Some parents would totally trust me with their kids for a play date when my wife was somewhere, so I assumed other parents would too and got answered with awkward silence."
"Kind of nice to have high schoolers now instead."
So should I care, or...?
"Parents: You need to stop what caring what other people think about you!"
"Parents: Look at you! Imagine what other people must think about you!"
"'why don't you come out of your room and talk to people?'"
"'Look who finally decided to show up!' Tells another embarrassing and degrading story about you"
Everyone deserves rest.
"That poor people are basically not allowed leisure. The scion of some billionaire industrialist can lounge around all day, throw parties and wreck fancy cars and everyone is just sort of okay with that. A poor person wants to sit down for a second, and out everyone comes, pitchforks and torches in hand, demanding they surrender the right to free food for their children or whatever."
"The upper-class advice for struggling people is always 'just give up everything that keeps you from blowing your brains out, and work harder for me'."
"At some point, even luxuries can be a necessity."
Assault is assault, regardless of gender or sex.
"Celebrating teenage boys being sexually abused by an attractive older woman. It's statutory rape, but there will always be scores of men saying things like 'wish that happened to me when I was his age' or similar statements."
"I'd go further, that double standard is part of a larger more inherent double standard."
"Male sexual assault, rape, and victimization being treated as a joke (often times literally if you watch enough tv or movies) if the aggressor is a woman. Underage boys being victimized is terrible don't misunderstand but it's a fundamental part of the wider double standards that enable it."
Girls need armor too.
"Games with male characters in practical armor and female characters in armor-colored lingerie."
"Yes, yes, I know, oversized bosoms draw a lot of male attention. But it's a huge red flag that women aren't part of the target audience."
Just don't hit people.
"'No man should ever hit a woman but if a woman hits a man then obviously he must have done something to deserve it'. Abuse is abuse and nobody deserves it."
It's irritating when you do it, too.
"Hating certain behaviors in someone else but making excuses for the same or similar behavior in yourself."
Greed is always a character flaw, no matter how much money you have.
"Being greedy is seen as a character flaw, but being a billionaire is seen as a great accomplishment."
"Such is the great contradiction of a society that is obviously built to reward selfishness but shames people for being selfish. It's almost like that messaging exists to keep the poors in their place."
"The right people get to be selfish, you don't."
Everyone has emotions.
"Probably that it is okay for a woman to be emotional, but if a man does it he needs to 'man up'. Drives me slightly insane."
"Unless that emotion is anger, then it’s reversed."
Double standards hurt everyone. It can be hard to notice them if you're on the side that benefits from them, though. If you take a look at your own life, you might be surprised to see how many double standards we're all affected by every day.