Double Standards That Make People Angry
Reddit user Extreme-Minute-4746 asked: 'What double standards make you angry?'
Double standards are an unfortunate part of society.
A double standard is when two or more individuals or sets of people are treated differently when they should be treated the same.
A good example is the difference in the way my brother and I are treated when we cook. I'm big on baking and have a natural talent for it. Whenever I bake anything, even something complicated, like cheesecake, I'm given minimal praise, if any at all. This is because I'm a woman, and in my family culture, women are expected to be able to bake.
My brother isn't as good a baker as me and rarely does it, but when he does, he is praised for subpar brownies because he's a man and it's amazing he can even cook as well as he does.
I'm not the only one who has experience with this.
Redditors have identified many double standards in society and are eager to share.
It all started when Redditor Extreme-Minute-4746 asked:
"What double standards make you angry?"
Civil Service
"As a federal government employee, why do I have to follow all kinds of ethics rules, but politicians and judges don’t?"
– mittychix
"F**k, right? I have to spend six weeks reviewing documentation and hearing out dozens of random companies to award a ÂŁ100k contract but the minister who runs my department can give his mate's company a multi-millionÂŁ contract to run ferries without even getting quotes - DESPITE THAT COMPANY NOT HAVING AND FERRIES AND THE PORT IN QUESTION NOT HAVING CAPACITY FOR THEM."
"I left the civil service after that one."
– Disco_is_Death
"This. Yeah I could get in trouble for accepting a gift over $50 (like I have that much influence anyway) but politicians and judges get lobbied millions..it's infuriating."
– gtbeam3r
"Yes. And they get to keep their jobs for being completely dysfunctional, but if I pulled a fraction that garbage, I’d be fired."
– TrekJaneway
R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"That some people expect you to respect their no, whilst they will most definitely not respect yours."
– IvyBloodroot
"On that note, respecting someone as an authority is often equated to respecting someone as an individual."
"Eg. Teachers who say if you don't respect me (as a superior), I won't respect you (as a person), when they're really not the same thing."
– Paperonia
The Bullied
"School bullying."
"The kid getting picked on has essentially no power. Go to a teacher? Get labeled a snitch and tattle tale. Don't do anything? You're just made an easier target. The moment they fight back, they're the ones who end up dealing with detention, suspension, expulsion, etc. You have more power as a bully in the schools than the victim."
– FriskeCrisps
"It's because bullied people are usually rule followers, and the school wants the problem dealt with as quickly as possible. Best way to do that is to expect the rule follower to follow rules, rather than the rule breaker to suddenly change their ways."
"Fairness ends up on the chopping block."
– darsynia
Services Cliff
"I'm 41 years old and have Cerebral Palsy. If I try to find anything related to the disease - how to deal with it, any kind of ongoing care - it is virtually impossible because all the care is just for children with CP. It's like once you turn 18 the world just doesn't care anymore."
– Zechnophobe
"I’m autistic and in the same boat. “How to deal with a child who…” I'M ASKING FOR ME."
– aroaceautistic
A Two-Way Street
"People who are obsessed with the idea of kids being respectful towards adults, but don't treat kids with respect in turn."
"Edit for example: I went to a very old-fashioned school where the rule was that when an adult entered the room, even in the library and break/lunch, every student in the room had to immediately fall silent - mid sentence, mid word, didn't matter - and stand up until we were given permission to sit back down again. If we didn't, we were chewed out and sometimes even given detentions. The argument was that it trained us into respect, but I was also brought up to believe it's rude to interrupt, and it felt like the teachers were constantly interrupting us."
– MerylSquirrel
"My father in law is like that. He’s “kids should be seen and not heard” type of old school."
"But then he wonders why the children in the family all steer clear of him and why they disregard most things he says."
– Macintosh0211
Doctor, Doctor
"This might be a bit controversial, but I’ve come across a couple of doctors who demand special treatment away from work but preach and practice treating all their patients equally."
– kimchi-pancake
"They charge you a fee or cancel if you’re 5 minutes late but have no problem leaving you waiting for hours. I’ve waited an hour in the lobby and another in the actual examination room."
– SadComfort8692
"Same! i can understand if it’s out of their control but i could hear her, clear as day, giggling with her coworkers about her weekend. i waited 20 in the lobby and 20 in the exam room. i love a good gab but, for f**k’s sake, do it later! if i yapped outside for 20 minutes, it would be a $50 fee and another 4 month long wait to be seen again."
"I suddenly had a $50 i-can-hear-you-nattering-through-the-wall fee. she laughed but it’s been collecting interest ever since…"
– manyfeetball
Alcohol Is Alcohol
"Beer drinkers act like they aren’t alcoholics because they don’t drink hard liquor. Ok sir you just drank 25 beers and then looked at me sideways for drinking a g&t at the family reunion."
– Brainfog_shishkabob
"Same goes for the “sophisticated” wine drinkers..."
"Stop judging me for enjoying a drink on the terrace a few times a year, when you empty 1-2 bottles each evening..."
– 2Madam_Mimmm
"That’s definitely the way it is. I’ve got a snotty alcoholic family member, that THINKS she’s sophisticated, because she drinks high dollar wine, out of very expensive glasses."
"Yeah, pissing yourself and passing out, in front of the mailbox, are definitely the traits of a sophisticated person."
– sweathogbrooklyn
Mr. Mom
"Fathers taking care of their kids."
"I take my kids to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, take them to school, and pick them up. I do all that stuff."
"Every single f**king time, it's, “Dad’s babysitting today?” Or some stupid comment like that. No, I’m not babysitting. I’m being a f**king parent!"
"I hate the double standard that dads can’t do stuff like that with their kids."
"I can’t take my daughter to the park without being questioned or looked at funny either."
"People need to give dads more respect. A lot of us bust our a**es too. I work hard. I take care of my kids, I play with my kids. I clean the house. I do laundry. I don’t stop. I don’t rest, I don’t relax."
– moms-sphaghetti
"Give us changing tables in the men's room!"
– Da1UHideFrom
"Nothing bugs me more than when a place only has changing tables in the women's bathroom."
"It's 2023, I take my son to the aquarium by myself sometimes... Looking at you London SeaLife centre 🤨"
– AstonVanilla
Household Split
"The laundry is always a wierd one. My wife is a much better cook than me. And she hates me cooking when she's in the house. So to compensate I do all the laundry, including ironing before someone mentions it, and all the washing of dishes."
"But even at work, this doesn't seem to be understood as possible. I complained my washing machine had broken and the comment was 'Oh no, what's wife's name going to do?'"
"To which the answer was 'Wonder why I haven't done the washing this week.'"
"But it's infuriating."
– RelativeStranger
Justice Is Bought
"The American justice system. You can afford the best and many more lawyers when you have money."
– TooAfraidToAsk814
"Justice is blind, but the b*tch sure can smell money."
– burgher89
Worship
"I am supposed to respect people's religion, but people aren't supposed to respect my non-religion."
"Particularly when their religion instructs them to not respect my non-religion."
– GeebusNZ
"It kinda makes my head spin that there are people who I get along well with who, per their religion, think I deserve to be tortured in agony for all eternity."
– Daztur
Yup, me and my non-religious self have personal experience with that last one!
Double standards are applied in society all the time, even though they should not be. A double standard is when multiple people, or groups of people, are treated differently even though they should be treated the same.
The most obvious and prevalent double standard is the difference in treatment between men and women. Women still get paid less than men for doing the same job, regardless of the equality in their duties, efforts, and achievements.
A double standard can also refer to the use of a different set of rules for multiple situations, despite the situations being the same. For example, if a friend expects you to always be honest with them, but lies to you in return, that is a double standard.
As mentioned before, double standards are applied in society all the time, and Redditors have noticed. They are only too eager to share the double standards they've noticed in their lives and communities.
It all started when Redditor FewCarry7472 asked:
"What is the worst double standard currently?"
Working Like A Dog
"Companies expecting you to be loyal to them while showing none in return. Loyalty is a two-way street. If I find a better job and give your the appropriate number of weeks’ notice, you can’t complain, especially since you can get rid of me for any reason."
– ChronoLegion2
"I’ve found that if you are extremely loyal to a company and show them you will be will be there no matter what, they will walk all over you. Workers who were firm and had boundaries got more things. I know of a woman who is amazing at her job, but they won’t promote her because they need a teacher. They know that they can promote over her, and she will always be there."
– HagridsSexyNippples
But It Only Happened Once!
"Work-wise, they're along the same lines. Either, the person who does pretty much nothing gets away with it constantly, but everyone else is watched like a hawk, or when the person who never calls in sick does just ONCE and it's a whole thing as if they're lying."
– Ryandhamilton18
"I'm a software engineering manager and a peer manager is out sick literally like 3 days a week. I need you to understand that I am not exaggerating. Average of 3 days per week. Sometimes one day, sometimes a couple days, sometimes the whole week. Average = 3."
"She makes a big harumph any time I'm out - once even throwing a fit about me taking a 4 day weekend (Friday and the following Monday PTO), which I had scheduled THREE MONTHS in advance."
"It takes every bit of self-control I have ever learned, not to scream "MAYBE I NEED A BREAK BECAUSE I SPEND MORE TIME COVERING FOR YOUR A** THAN I DO WORKING ON MY OWN JOB""
"She's been working on one project for 14 months and I'M the one who has to pull some bullsh*t out of my a** for the client every. F*cking. Day.
"This is the only real problem with my job. I love it otherwise, and I'm still about damn ready to quit."
– nocksers
Singled Out
"You can do 99 things right and will always be criticized for the one thing you did wrong."
"But someone who did 99 things wrong will always be praised for the one thing they did right."
– BM13-
"Wow, this just sparked a (very old) memory. In school I was such a good kid - never skipped class, always on time, respectful toward my teachers. One day during my Senior year I was late to a class by two seconds and I got detention! Meanwhile half the class would stroll in late, talk during class, etc. and they never got into trouble. I'm still salty about it 30+ years later."
– shmoobel
Daddy Daycare
"As a new parent, it really bothers me when only the ladies room has those baby changing stations."
"Dads need to change poopy diapers too!"
– MedSurgNurse
"Been there... On a gas station on the freeway, only the ladies room had a "poop station.""
"Saw a lady coming out and asked if there was anybody else in there, she said yes and went to warn the other ladies that I was coming in to change the dirty diaper."
"Took a while (it was one of those poop explosions), a group of older ladies comes in and gets really angry for seeing a guy in the ladies room, until they saw what I was doing."
"They immediately offered help if I couldn't change the diaper alone."
"Fun interaction, it was 10 years ago, nowadays there are much more men's room with "poop stations.""
– EGDragul
"My kids are almost a decade apart, and this statement couldn’t be truer."
"First kid was a nightmare being solo dad with him before potty training. He got changed more times in the hatch of my Subaru than anywhere else outside of the house. My daughter was easy peasy privacy."
– sparkmearse
Anyone Can Be A Villain
"I suffer from PTSD due to mental abuse from my ex-wife. I mentioned it, one time, and was told to “Man up. Women can’t abuse men.” So, now, no one knows."
– AllisonWesley
"It's such bullsh*t. My brother was horribly abused by his ex wife, but she never hit him. It was all psychological, emotional, and financial abuse. It's still abuse though, and it doesn't get talked about enough."
– kmill0202
No Way To Win
"If I show up 5 minutes late to work, I'm bad at my job and need "corrective" measures. I work 15 minutes past the end of day and I'm simply a good worker doing their job as expected."
– mailordermonster
Stay At Home
"Me at Home Depot with my daughter:
""aww daddy took the day off.""
""This is my job.""
"Target and local grocery they know I’m a stay-at-home and are actually really nice about it."
"Also, my daughter is best friends with a girl at gymnastics. Mother asked for a play date and I said, ""let me give you my wife’s number cause this is weird.""
"My friends make fun of me, but I just always say, "if any of your wives went to law school and were an executive where would you be?""
"And they say “at home with the kids.""
– Elegant_Housing_For
"Man this one drives me up the wall and I don't even have kids."
– CopperTucker
Anyone Can Be Bigoted
"People of color can’t be racist. They can be……"
– reverendblinddog
"Or that white people can't know racism. Coming from living in Tokyo for years, this cracks me up."
– Vealophile
Keep Calm And Keep Quiet
"Socially acceptable to tell introverts to talk more."
"Socially unacceptable to tell extroverts to shut up for once."
– Burnsy813
Cheating Is Cheating
"Women who think that fooling around with other girls isn’t cheating. If it isn’t then let’s both do it together."
– ydney976
"It’s partly because heretosexual couples aren’t taught to be threatened by it. Men especially don’t believe a woman is going to leave them for another woman. Well, maybe until recently."
– superbv1llain
Women vs. Men
"Women who don’t clean enough or aren’t organized: lazy; bad housekeepers"
"Men who don’t clean enough or aren’t organized: men"
"Single women over 30 without children: selfish, yikes, probably something wrong with her, spinster"
"Single men over 30 without children: probably focusing on his career, hasn’t found the right woman yet"
"Woman in a position of power: greedy b*tch"
"Man in a position of power: successful businessman"
"Woman doubled over in ER, clutching abdomen: "does it feel like cramps? When was your last cycle? How long has it been since you had a bowel movement? Any chance you could be pregnant? Did you eat something unusual?""
"Man doubled over in ER, clutching abdomen: "prepare the OR, this man clearly has a ruptured appendix; his life is in danger, we don’t have time for questions!""
– HyperboleEverAfter
Medical Inequality
"The most horrifying one to me is probably how men’s pain is taken seriously but women are hysterical, overreacting, attention-seeking, it’s all in the head, etc., and left to suffer. There are SO many studies showing that women are far less likely to get pain medication and anaesthetic, have higher rates of misdiagnosis, and have to wait longer for pain treatment. This sh*t has NO place in modern medicine."
– laTeeTza
"They did this 3 times before they actually started a scan. The following year my brother had stomach pains, they kept him for 3 days searching for the cause. Presumed to be the stomach bug…."
– ToastMasterBoi
"It is insane. When I had severe stomach problems (could barely eat, only a few bites of food and I was full, etc), I had multiple nurses tell me "oh it's just your period you don't need to see a doctor." Lo and behold, when I finally saw a doctor it turns out one of the nerves in my stomach was paralyzed and I was slowly starving!"
"And now that I've transitioned to a man, it's wild that doctors take me seriously the first time. I hate it here."
– CopperTucker
Sounds more like blatant sexism to me!
For all the strides made toward gender equality so far, we've got plenty of work to do. Pay is still uneven, male privilege is as alive as ever, and socially constructed expectations force us to act in certain ways to cater to it all.
And those are just the big things. What about the more mundane illustrations of gender-based expectations?
These day-to-day battles, on their own, aren't the end of the world. But they are indicative of a the much larger problem.
And as small as they are, they're annoying as hell.
Tekstar12348 asked, "What gender double standard really annoys you?"
Cars and Dudes
"I grew up overseas, in a country that doesn't really encourage personal vehicles. We have a lot of public transport. As a result, my mechanical knowledge is extremely poor. My white girlfriend, who grew up in the sticks, and who's dad is a mechanic, has tinkered with cars all her life."
"Every time we walk to an auto parts store to get stuff, the employees never talk to her. Even if they ask me a question and she replies, they continue acting as if she doesn't exist and keep talking to me. It's unreal. It's as if they don't see her."
"She's gone to job interviews for mechanical jobs where the interviewer asks her very basic and belittling questions because they don't believe she can understand mechanical stuff."
"Meanwhile up until last year when I met her I didn't know what a ratchet was..."
Forced to Second-Guess Cuteness
"As a guy, I feel like if I am around kids, or smile because I see a youngster having fun in the park or something I'm labelled as a potential threat, but really I just love to see kids being kids and I'm thinking back on the days when I was that age." -- heavydirtysteve
Dysfunctional Pants
"Pockets. I want em." -- SnowWhiteCampCat
"But then the purse selling buisness has to shut down." -- zender23
"I'm a woman and this is a problem for me too. Yes, pockets exist, but they're so shallow that nothing fits. I have small hands but they barely fit into some of these pockets. You can barely fit your car keys in one of them, let alone your phone."
"Heck with 'fashion,' I want deep pockets in my pants dang it." -- Thy_Name_Is_Anxiety
Know the Uniform, Gents
"I can dress in typical men's clothes all day every day, never wear makeup, cut my hair short and never get my gender or sexual orientation questioned but my husband gets comments to his gender identity and orientation for wearing a pink shirt to his suit?"
"F*** right off with that."
-- horilen
Taking Their Places
"Maybe this is more prevalent among people of my culture (Mexicans) but I remember when I was little we were done eating dinner at my aunt's house and all the women and girls got to cleaning while the men sat in living room watching TV."
"When I asked my mom about it she and my aunt just laughed, giving me an 'Oh you dumb little girl' look. Pisses me off to think about it to this day."
For the Sake of the Children, This One has to Go
"When my wife is taking care of our kids she is 'parenting' but when I, their father, takes care of them I am 'babysitting.' "
"I hate when her lady friends say, 'Oh you are such a good dad, babysitting your kids.' "
"Bi***, I am parenting my kids."
-- Anxious_Try
A Lot of Extra Work
"The expectation and pressure to wear makeup in a professional setting." -- Snapysnapsnapper
"And heels! They're part of dress code sometimes, which is bonkers. That stuff gives you back problems if you're not careful. I love heels on occasion but as part of a dress code? Ridiculous." -- Dirmanavich
Pent Up Men
"This may be very culture dependent, but the way women are allowed to express their feelings freely, to cry."
"However men should be tough and suck it up. I think this is very toxic to the mental health of men." -- MrMeszaros
"Men who are not shy of sharing their emotions and are understanding of women's emotion are weak" -- adnanoid
Perpetuating the Household Roles
"Why do yogurt commercials never feature men? I like yogurt too goddammit" -- hairweed
"Men are usually portrayed as dumb, forgetful buffoons in commercials too. I find that to be super annoying too." -- FanaticDamen
"yeah it just hurts everybody, 'haha he cant do simple stuff, so mom does everything! she likes lavender and so will you!' " -- -Hannah-Glasse
Salesperson PresumptionsÂ
"Going into a store that is considered "male" (PC store, video game store, car shops, etc). and the sales person only talking to my male partner despite me being the person looking for a product and being the buyer."
-- Goblin_Kat
Bodies to Celebrate
"How my daughter can do gymnastics and she's called athletic, but as soon as her twin brother does gymnastics, he's just weird" -- im-so-funny-im-not
"Hear, hear! Gymnasts are capable of bodily feats most people aren't. They're all awesome equally." -- I_Ace_English
"lol male gymnasts are second only to bodybuilders when it comes to how ridiculously shredded they are. You're right though." -- The_Blue_Rooster
The Privilege to Not Think About It
"When I was a teenager, I was not allowed out of the house to walk to the local shopping center to hang with my friends (all male). My mom told me it was because I'm a girl and I'm way more likely to be attacked on my way and if I was a boy it'd be different."
"In general since I was 12 up to now, when walking alone in public I was very frequently harassed and I'm not sure if the same thing happens to men."
Playing the Role
"Threatening your daughter's boyfriend."
"This is a double standard, but it's also just a Hollywood trope that some dads think they're supposed to do and it's incredibly creepy."
"When I was in high school at least a couple dads would say things like 'just remember I know how to shoot' and 'if you break her heart I'll break you' etc."
"Sometimes it's just dads thinking they're cute when they do this but I've received at least one legitimate threat by a dad thinking he was doing his dad duty."
"Keep in mind that as a teenager I was very small and not at all in the "bad boys" clique, but if you are actually worried about your daughter's boyfriend harming her, then don't let her date them. Don't just blanket threaten a bunch of minors."
-- king063
More Impressive for Doing the Same Work
"I am a female teacher. I only know one man who is a kindergarten teacher, and people constantly make comments to him about how 'women must love it that he is so good with kids' and he will be a great dad. As if he is only in the job to impress women?"
"Nobody says this sh** to me."
-- cistacea
Human Contact is GOOD
"I wish it were socially acceptable for guys to hug/hold hands like girls do" -- Infinite-LED-Life1
"You need a hug, bro?" -- fungeoneer
"I hug the f*** outta my bros. I tell them I love them all the time. Hate that toxic stoicism sh**." -- umbralwalk
Let it Grow
" 'shaving is for hygene!!!' comments on women's body hair from men who are often literaty covered in fur." -- zzzojka
"I used to have this job where you'd basically live in the bush for 4 months. Gender ratios were about 60-40. Considering it was a bush job, it was a really good ratio in my opinion. Being so far from 'civilized' society most people eventually let loose and was ok with the lower hygiene standards."
"I always felt weird going back to society and seeing so many hairless people."
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Nobody said life was going to be fair; whoever heard that statement needs their hearing checked. It's a given that life is going to be wildly unfair a strong amount of the time. People are judged in ways that others are not. Things are expected, nèe, demanded from certain people while others get a free pass for what feels like any and all situations. Where is the equality everyone is chanting about? Who has it? Because there is certainly not enough going around for any one side.
Redditor u/Awkward_Dog wanted people to express their life frustrations by asking... What double standard makes you really angry?
You ever read a story that made you look at your screen kind of through the outer corner of your eye? Like you're so taken aback by the dumpster fire you're reading that you almost don't want to look at it directly? But you can't look away either?
This is about to be that story.
The story revolves around four main players, so let's start there.
"Jenny" - The girlfriend
"Jessi" - The girlfriend's twin sister
"Johnny" - The boyfriend
"Mom" - The boyfriend's mom
Got that? Ok, here we go. Jenny and Johnny have been together for a year and things are going great. Jenny hangs out with Johnny's family, including mom, and has talked about her sister, Jessi, from time to time - always referring to her as "my sister". That's important. Pin that. It'll matter in a second.
One night, mom goes out to the movies with her friends and on the way out she runs into Jessi and her boyfriend. Mom flips out thinking that it's Jenny and goes on to scream at, accuse, slap, and attempt to drag Jessi out of the theater! Yep that's verbal and physical assault for those of you keeping score at home. In the process of trying to defend herself and being assaulted, Jessi called the woman a "crazy b!tch" - cause if it walks like a duck and slaps like a duck, ya know?
Mom them calls Johnny to rat out his "cheating" girlfriend only to find Jenny was WITH JOHNNY and obviously couldn't be the girl she had just assaulted in the theater. Mom tried to blame Jenny for never specifying that her sister was her TWIN sister, and not only refused to apologize to Jessi, but is now demanding that Jessi apologize to her for calling her a crazy b!tch.
"Jenny" turned to Reddit for help. Here is her full post:
I have an identical twin sister Jessi and we look very much alike. There are small differences but only those who know both of us can recognize them.
BF and I have been together for a year. Things are good between us.
Last night this happened: my boyfriend's mom went out with her friends to watch a movie and Jessi was there as well with her boyfriend. After the movie one of her friends saw Jessi with her boyfriend. She asked her if that girl is her son's boyfriend (I met this friend at a party a few weeks ago). So she looked at Jessi and thought yes, she is.
She went to her and asked what the f*** is going on. Jessi was confused since she hadn't met her before, and she kept asking her what the f*** is this. At that point she was holding Jessi's arm and she told her to let her go and called her a crazy bitch. Eventually she told Jessi that she's cheating on her son and called her by my name, and Jessi told her that that's her twin sister. She slapped her across the face and told her to stop lying. Her friends then collected her and took her away.
She then called my boyfriend and told him that she's found her girlfriend with another man. I was with my boyfriend at that time. He quickly got it that she must have seen Jessi so he told her and she hung up. She then left. I talked to Jessi, she didn't even apologize to her. After she found out what she's done, she just left.
So my boyfriend talked to her again and an apology is not coming.
She feels like she did nothing wrong and she was justified in whatever she did since I hadn't told her that I had a twin sister, so she's justified in harassing her like that and slapping her across the face. She said that she expects an apology for being called a crazy bitch.
I'm really pissed at her for what she did and the least she can do is apologize to Jessi. We were planning to visit my boyfriend's parents this weekend but now I'm not sure that I want to go. I can't just sit there and tell her how cute it was that she mistook me with my twin. I sure as hell don't think Jessi should go and apologize to her.
Should I let this go? Am I overreacting to consider this a deal breaker?
People did not hold back with their responses, and it was glorious. Here are some of my favorites, edited for content or clarity when needed.
H/T: Reddit