For all the strides made toward gender equality so far, we've got plenty of work to do. Pay is still uneven, male privilege is as alive as ever, and socially constructed expectations force us to act in certain ways to cater to it all.
And those are just the big things. What about the more mundane illustrations of gender-based expectations?
These day-to-day battles, on their own, aren't the end of the world. But they are indicative of a the much larger problem.
And as small as they are, they're annoying as hell.
Tekstar12348 asked, "What gender double standard really annoys you?"
Cars and Dudes
"I grew up overseas, in a country that doesn't really encourage personal vehicles. We have a lot of public transport. As a result, my mechanical knowledge is extremely poor. My white girlfriend, who grew up in the sticks, and who's dad is a mechanic, has tinkered with cars all her life."
"Every time we walk to an auto parts store to get stuff, the employees never talk to her. Even if they ask me a question and she replies, they continue acting as if she doesn't exist and keep talking to me. It's unreal. It's as if they don't see her."
"She's gone to job interviews for mechanical jobs where the interviewer asks her very basic and belittling questions because they don't believe she can understand mechanical stuff."
"Meanwhile up until last year when I met her I didn't know what a ratchet was..."
Forced to Second-Guess Cuteness
"As a guy, I feel like if I am around kids, or smile because I see a youngster having fun in the park or something I'm labelled as a potential threat, but really I just love to see kids being kids and I'm thinking back on the days when I was that age." -- heavydirtysteve
"Pockets. I want em." -- SnowWhiteCampCat
"But then the purse selling buisness has to shut down." -- zender23
"I'm a woman and this is a problem for me too. Yes, pockets exist, but they're so shallow that nothing fits. I have small hands but they barely fit into some of these pockets. You can barely fit your car keys in one of them, let alone your phone."
"Heck with 'fashion,' I want deep pockets in my pants dang it." -- Thy_Name_Is_Anxiety
Know the Uniform, Gents
"I can dress in typical men's clothes all day every day, never wear makeup, cut my hair short and never get my gender or sexual orientation questioned but my husband gets comments to his gender identity and orientation for wearing a pink shirt to his suit?"
"F*** right off with that."
Taking Their Places
"Maybe this is more prevalent among people of my culture (Mexicans) but I remember when I was little we were done eating dinner at my aunt's house and all the women and girls got to cleaning while the men sat in living room watching TV."
"When I asked my mom about it she and my aunt just laughed, giving me an 'Oh you dumb little girl' look. Pisses me off to think about it to this day."
For the Sake of the Children, This One has to Go
"When my wife is taking care of our kids she is 'parenting' but when I, their father, takes care of them I am 'babysitting.' "
"I hate when her lady friends say, 'Oh you are such a good dad, babysitting your kids.' "
"Bi***, I am parenting my kids."
A Lot of Extra Work
"The expectation and pressure to wear makeup in a professional setting." -- Snapysnapsnapper
"And heels! They're part of dress code sometimes, which is bonkers. That stuff gives you back problems if you're not careful. I love heels on occasion but as part of a dress code? Ridiculous." -- Dirmanavich
Pent Up Men
"This may be very culture dependent, but the way women are allowed to express their feelings freely, to cry."
"However men should be tough and suck it up. I think this is very toxic to the mental health of men." -- MrMeszaros
"Men who are not shy of sharing their emotions and are understanding of women's emotion are weak" -- adnanoid
Perpetuating the Household Roles
"Why do yogurt commercials never feature men? I like yogurt too goddammit" -- hairweed
"Men are usually portrayed as dumb, forgetful buffoons in commercials too. I find that to be super annoying too." -- FanaticDamen
"yeah it just hurts everybody, 'haha he cant do simple stuff, so mom does everything! she likes lavender and so will you!' " -- -Hannah-Glasse
"Going into a store that is considered "male" (PC store, video game store, car shops, etc). and the sales person only talking to my male partner despite me being the person looking for a product and being the buyer."
Bodies to Celebrate
"How my daughter can do gymnastics and she's called athletic, but as soon as her twin brother does gymnastics, he's just weird" -- im-so-funny-im-not
"Hear, hear! Gymnasts are capable of bodily feats most people aren't. They're all awesome equally." -- I_Ace_English
"lol male gymnasts are second only to bodybuilders when it comes to how ridiculously shredded they are. You're right though." -- The_Blue_Rooster
The Privilege to Not Think About It
"When I was a teenager, I was not allowed out of the house to walk to the local shopping center to hang with my friends (all male). My mom told me it was because I'm a girl and I'm way more likely to be attacked on my way and if I was a boy it'd be different."
"In general since I was 12 up to now, when walking alone in public I was very frequently harassed and I'm not sure if the same thing happens to men."
Playing the Role
"Threatening your daughter's boyfriend."
"This is a double standard, but it's also just a Hollywood trope that some dads think they're supposed to do and it's incredibly creepy."
"When I was in high school at least a couple dads would say things like 'just remember I know how to shoot' and 'if you break her heart I'll break you' etc."
"Sometimes it's just dads thinking they're cute when they do this but I've received at least one legitimate threat by a dad thinking he was doing his dad duty."
"Keep in mind that as a teenager I was very small and not at all in the "bad boys" clique, but if you are actually worried about your daughter's boyfriend harming her, then don't let her date them. Don't just blanket threaten a bunch of minors."
More Impressive for Doing the Same Work
"I am a female teacher. I only know one man who is a kindergarten teacher, and people constantly make comments to him about how 'women must love it that he is so good with kids' and he will be a great dad. As if he is only in the job to impress women?"
"Nobody says this sh** to me."
Human Contact is GOOD
"I wish it were socially acceptable for guys to hug/hold hands like girls do" -- Infinite-LED-Life1
"You need a hug, bro?" -- fungeoneer
"I hug the f*** outta my bros. I tell them I love them all the time. Hate that toxic stoicism sh**." -- umbralwalk
Let it Grow
" 'shaving is for hygene!!!' comments on women's body hair from men who are often literaty covered in fur." -- zzzojka
"I used to have this job where you'd basically live in the bush for 4 months. Gender ratios were about 60-40. Considering it was a bush job, it was a really good ratio in my opinion. Being so far from 'civilized' society most people eventually let loose and was ok with the lower hygiene standards."
"I always felt weird going back to society and seeing so many hairless people."
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Nobody said life was going to be fair; whoever heard that statement needs their hearing checked. It's a given that life is going to be wildly unfair a strong amount of the time. People are judged in ways that others are not. Things are expected, nèe, demanded from certain people while others get a free pass for what feels like any and all situations. Where is the equality everyone is chanting about? Who has it? Because there is certainly not enough going around for any one side.
You ever read a story that made you look at your screen kind of through the outer corner of your eye? Like you're so taken aback by the dumpster fire you're reading that you almost don't want to look at it directly? But you can't look away either?
This is about to be that story.
The story revolves around four main players, so let's start there.
"Jenny" - The girlfriend
"Jessi" - The girlfriend's twin sister
"Johnny" - The boyfriend
"Mom" - The boyfriend's mom
Got that? Ok, here we go. Jenny and Johnny have been together for a year and things are going great. Jenny hangs out with Johnny's family, including mom, and has talked about her sister, Jessi, from time to time - always referring to her as "my sister". That's important. Pin that. It'll matter in a second.
One night, mom goes out to the movies with her friends and on the way out she runs into Jessi and her boyfriend. Mom flips out thinking that it's Jenny and goes on to scream at, accuse, slap, and attempt to drag Jessi out of the theater! Yep that's verbal and physical assault for those of you keeping score at home. In the process of trying to defend herself and being assaulted, Jessi called the woman a "crazy b!tch" - cause if it walks like a duck and slaps like a duck, ya know?
Mom them calls Johnny to rat out his "cheating" girlfriend only to find Jenny was WITH JOHNNY and obviously couldn't be the girl she had just assaulted in the theater. Mom tried to blame Jenny for never specifying that her sister was her TWIN sister, and not only refused to apologize to Jessi, but is now demanding that Jessi apologize to her for calling her a crazy b!tch.
"Jenny" turned to Reddit for help. Here is her full post:
I have an identical twin sister Jessi and we look very much alike. There are small differences but only those who know both of us can recognize them.
BF and I have been together for a year. Things are good between us.
Last night this happened: my boyfriend's mom went out with her friends to watch a movie and Jessi was there as well with her boyfriend. After the movie one of her friends saw Jessi with her boyfriend. She asked her if that girl is her son's boyfriend (I met this friend at a party a few weeks ago). So she looked at Jessi and thought yes, she is.
She went to her and asked what the f*** is going on. Jessi was confused since she hadn't met her before, and she kept asking her what the f*** is this. At that point she was holding Jessi's arm and she told her to let her go and called her a crazy bitch. Eventually she told Jessi that she's cheating on her son and called her by my name, and Jessi told her that that's her twin sister. She slapped her across the face and told her to stop lying. Her friends then collected her and took her away.
She then called my boyfriend and told him that she's found her girlfriend with another man. I was with my boyfriend at that time. He quickly got it that she must have seen Jessi so he told her and she hung up. She then left. I talked to Jessi, she didn't even apologize to her. After she found out what she's done, she just left.
So my boyfriend talked to her again and an apology is not coming.
She feels like she did nothing wrong and she was justified in whatever she did since I hadn't told her that I had a twin sister, so she's justified in harassing her like that and slapping her across the face. She said that she expects an apology for being called a crazy bitch.
I'm really pissed at her for what she did and the least she can do is apologize to Jessi. We were planning to visit my boyfriend's parents this weekend but now I'm not sure that I want to go. I can't just sit there and tell her how cute it was that she mistook me with my twin. I sure as hell don't think Jessi should go and apologize to her.
Should I let this go? Am I overreacting to consider this a deal breaker?
People did not hold back with their responses, and it was glorious. Here are some of my favorites, edited for content or clarity when needed.