I love my babies. I have three, two dogs and a cat. They can drive me to distraction and vodka a plenty but then they can be so adorable I can't help but fall in love several times a day. Of course most of the times I want to play or give them love they can't be bothered. But the second I start to work or workout, they throw tantrums for my attention. Like right now.Redditor u/GiftSuperb wanted to discuss everyone's favorite thing to discuss... our pets/babies, by asking... Pet owners of Reddit, what's the weirdest way your pets try to get your attention?
My one dog, Juliet, is the worst. She will actually scratch at my leg and then when I turn to say "WHAT?" she will dramatically, a la Scarlett O'Hara, twist and throw herself to the floor. I can actually feel the vapors. Like really girl? Who else knows what I'm talking about?
Head FirstHappy John Oliver GIF by Last Week Tonight with John OliverGiphy
My dog head butts me in the leg. She walks over, and head butts my leg. Then she holds her head against my leg and won't move until I scratch behind her ears long enough to please her majesty.
My cat learned pretty quickly that if he messes with the papers on the counter, he gets attention. It's negative attention, but he gets it and apparently loves it because he'll sit down and get comfortable and just start flipping his paw through it like it's his paperwork. If I ignore that he escalates to biting off corners. He knows that'll get me every time.
Our dog bring us toys when she needs to go potty. And when you let her outside to the deck you have to tell her to go down to the grass, or she'll forget why she's outside and sit at the door. Smart.
Mine attacks my other cat. He knows if he does that I have to get up to break it up. I don't know how to break this cycle. If I ignore it, he gets frustrated and takes it out even worse on the other cat. People are like "Just ignore him", but I don't really want a full blown cat fight happening, fur all over my apartment, and my other cat being beaten up because my first cat is a jerk (who is currently curled up, sleeping contentedly against my leg).
Gnawingguinea pig eating GIFGiphy
Guinea pig grips the cage door with her teeth, shaking it so loud it sounds like an old washing machine on spin cycle.
See, these fools know what they're doing. My other dog, Rocco, he will stare at me. I mean like serial killer, no blinking, stare me down dead. Then every few minutes lick one lip. Just one. He's a bit much. Just like that guinea pig. Moving on...
Creepy CatCat Ear GIF by swerkGiphy
My cat has found that licking my lips wakes me up pretty quickly.
Mine too! I don't mind the kisses though. I just give him the attention he wants. My fiancé says, he gets on my pillow during the night and stares at me. And he'll do that all through the night. He must get enough of me sleeping and can't wait a moment longer. Once I'm awake he will come near me and raise a paw to let me know he wants attention. Such a little gentleman.
My new cat started scratching at my standing mat in my home office (NO!!!) so the second she scratched at the wood bridge I put in the kitchen to link the top of the cabinets for her, I gave her treats. I continue to reward her for scratching there, even if it's just attention. She will escalate to scratching at other things up there but none of it matters so I just give her attention for that. She has not touched the mat since so I guess it worked.
RESETOh No Facepalm GIFGiphy
My cat thinks she can "reset" the affection/attention levels by leaving and reentering the room.
If I leave my cat alone for a while, she'll eventually leave... only to come right back a few minutes later, pretending like it's the first time that day that she's seen me.
Funny thing is it works.
Oh, I have 2 guinea pigs and they get my attention by flipping over their igloos, then popcorning on them.
Tip: when you look up something, share it here.
Popcorning is the name for those crazy leaps your guinea pig does in the air, and there's a reason for it. If your little piggy is bucking, squealing, and just generally acting crazy, then you're probably looking at a popcorning guinea pig.
"The Attention Spot"White Dog GIFGiphy
The way our living area is set up, we have a short couch in front of our computers with a dog bed at armrest-height next to my partner. It's really only a big enough space for one dog.
We have a collie mix and a gshep mix. When the collie has decided the gshep has been in "The Attention Spot" for too long, he will run to the front door, bark a "Mailman is Here" alarm, and the gshep will run to the assigned Barking Position at the guest bedroom window.
Then the collie will casually claim The Attention Spot while the gshep frantically barks at nothing.
Clever little menace.
I stopped working in 2019 for health reasons, and my cat has gotten used to me being home every day. When she wakes up, she squeaks/yowls at me until I follow her to the couch, where I have to sit down and put a blanket on my lap so she can curl up and get her morning pets. She's got me trained pretty well.
I'm glad I'm not alone. But regardless of their suspicious actions, we'll never stop loving them and trying to vie for their attentions. Maybe not my cat. She likes to jump, from and to everywhere, and it freaks me out. I prefer she stay upstairs. LOL...
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Pets are the actual best. My cat Aurora is objectively the cutest cat in the world (yes, objectively), and I can't get through the day without watching her zoom around the house. She knocks a lot of stuff over, but she has the charm to back it up.
Aurora isn't the only cute animal out there. So many pets outdo themselves every day with how adorable they are. Here are a few stories from the pet owners of Reddit.
Always gotta start with the pups. Doggos are almost always huge hams, and always make for great stories.
My brother's dog was laying in the stairs yesterday. My parent's stairs have a gap in the railing bars. Big enough to stick my face through.
So as I was walking by I stuck my face in to talk to the dog.
He ever so gingerly bopped me in the nose with his nose. Too cute.
They’re such funny sleepers.Sleepy Family GIFGiphy
My dog has a funny bedtime ritual; he has to circle my laundry rack three times before we go to bed at night, and then he grabs his stuffy, lays on the bed with it and makes little weird soft screamy noises at it, then holds it in his mouth and kneads the bed like a cat making biscuits, huffing softly until he falls asleep. I have no idea why this is required but it is.
Edit: I also had a foster dog for a while. My other dog got a multipack of 15 antler chews, and foster dog took them upstairs to my bed one by one and stuffed them under the covers, and the sound of getting into bed was like a medieval ossuary.
My schnauzer 100% reacts to and can emulate laughing. My wolfhounds can't. They can play, they can indicate play, they can show submission, but my schnauzer 100% understands laughter. She knows how to encourage it, how to react to it, and that it's a positive thing.
I’m a cat person, so I’m really excited to share these cat stories.
A good big brother.
I have three cats and the oldest one is a very grumpy old man sometimes. He doesn't like change. I was genuinely worried how he was going to adjust to us bringing home newborn twins. But from day one those have been his babies.
They're 8 months old now. This cat has tried to push them in their swings when they were crying, he snuggles up next to them when they're fussy, and he'll even encourage them to use him as a bottle prop so their hands are free to grab at him despite their not yet having any idea of the concept of "gentle".
I love old man cats.cat lady pet GIFGiphy
He purrs. Like all the time.
He's an old man now so he doesn't move around much. Since I started working from home, he just sits on my bed and purrs while he watches me at my desk.
He'll gets extra excited and start wheezing when I get close or pick him up because he's purring so loud.
But the cutest? Before he takes a nap he'll curl into a fluffy purring ball, then let out a single sigh before closing his eyes and going to sleep.
EDIT: He's purring in his sleep right now. It's going in and out because he's snoring. The cuteness. I can't.
My cat (then a very tiny kitten--he was a rescue from the yard and we never found mom) laid on my face after my wisdom tooth surgery and batted my husband away every time he tried to get close. They've worked out their differences now that he's not a baby anymore and my husband is his "day" person and I'm his "night" person.
What’s a nice hat.
My cat likes to sleep directly on my pillow right above my head. Like a cat toupee. I guess we keep each other warm that way, but I like waking up and seeing his little nose. He's super affectionate and I'm lucky to have him.
Although cuteness does exist in all animals. They’re all perfect in every way.
Snakes can boop too!!!snake GIFGiphy
My son has an 8-month-old corn snake. When we pick her up, she likes to stretch out and bump her nose against human noses. My daughter calls that a "snakey nose boop."
I have a green cheek conure (type of small parrot for those who don't know). He can speak quite a bit. "I love you." "What's that?" "Peekaboo!" "It's okay." "No." "Time to go to bed." and "Wanna take a bath" among other phrases.
One night I woke up probably near 1 am because he had a nightmare (I assume?) and started screaming. I opened the cage, picked him up, and put him on my shoulder. I started scritching his head and whispering "it's okay."
After a moment of silence, he said in the most tender voice: "I love you."
If y'all need a bird tax, I have some videos of him in my post history.
Give the girl some gummy sharks!!!
Try to steal my candy. One day I was sitting down playing video games while munching on some gummy sharks. My iguana jumps on my lap and starts eating them. I let her have half of one, but none after that. She wasn't happy with that, and chased me around while I found a place to hide them where she couldn't get into.
One thing is for sure- humanity is blessed to have pets, and we definitely don’t deserve them.
A good older sibling.kitty kitten GIFGiphy
I brought home a blind kitten. When I let him out of quarantine, my older cat walked side by side with him around the perimeter of my home. I'm pretty sure Gabey was showing the kitten the layout of the house.
Ashley is a good kitty.
My kitty will demand a treat and then when I'm about to go down stairs; she will lay on the stairs, wagging her tail, making little meow noises and will only move if you say, "Ashley treat?"
She will also go and lay across our shoes when she knows we are leaving for a bit.
My favourite is when she attacks my fiancé wrapping her legs around him and pretends to scratch and bite him, but her claws never come out and she never actually bites. She is very protective of him and will "guard" him when someone is in the condo fixing something, usually growling. I laugh because he is 6'6 290lbs of muscle and a 10lb kitty is all "dont you touch my HOOMAN!!"
Cats always know.
My son must have been about 2 and was sick for a couple says, nothing serious but he had a fever. He fell asleep on the couch, and my (then) 13-year-old cat cuddled up right beside him and started purring. She stayed there until he woke up a few hours later. It's like she knew he didn't feel good and was trying to make it better.
What a sweet, trusting pup.2 Chainz Dog GIF by MOST EXPENSIVESTGiphy
My dog trust falls. I've had her since she was a puppy and have held her a lot and never dropped her. Now she's 50 pounds and reaches up for me to pick her up and will fall backward onto me so I rub her belly.
Congrats, you now speak cat.
My cat was 17 and geriatric. She had a lot of experience being a cat and was spoiled. She got whatever she asked for. My bathroom door and my bedroom door share the same corner basically. I laid down some pest repellent and had to keep her out of the room for a while.
I was standing at the toilet taking a leak when she walks up to the bedroom door, looked at me until I looked at her, and nose booped the door asking me to open it. I tried to explain to her I couldn't let her in, but she didn't know English. She tried and tried, but I wouldn't open the door.
This cat.. I swear.. she walks into the bathroom and walks over to the laundry hamper sitting against the wall. She stands there and stares at the wall for a second, Then she looks at me to make sure I'm looking. And she nose boops the hamper where it meets the wall, then looks at me. I stand there puzzled and ask her "What are you doing? What do you want?" So she boops it again. Eventually I just pull the hamper out away from the wall to make a space. She squeezes through the space, comes out the other side, and walks directly back to the bedroom door without pause and nose boops the door again.
This cat just communicated to me. She established a signal with me as a means of communicating, then used it to communicate.
As for Aurora, the cutest thing I see her do is hang out with our two corn snakes. She'll sit on top of the cage and watch them all day long. I mean, she probably wants to eat them, but we ignore that.
Give your pets a hug today!!! They're the best.
I love animals. I used to be strictly a dog person, but then I found a stray cat who had been abandoned at only weeks old. Needless to say she stole my heart, even though I am allergic to cats. She was worth it. Now years later I am surrounded by a cat and two dogs. And I love them but, they are all nuts. They act like escaped mental patients day in and day out. And they are all strong personalities. Also, they are far from boring.Redditor u/wheel-snipe-celly wanted to hear about life with all the fur babies by asking... People who own multiple pets, what is some drama going on between them right now?
As I type this I can see them stationed at three different points of the room. They are pretending to sleep. Every once and awhile they change positions, which is merely subterfuge to survey where the others are. This way once there is movement, they can leap into action at one another for no apparent reason. Or maybe the reason is to drive me insane? Who else can attest?
HopelessWiener Dog Listening GIF by OriginalsGiphy
The dachshund will NOT stop invading the beagle's personal space (crate) to suck on her ears. The beagle has HAD it and wants it to stop. Two things tho:
- Beagles have a really hard time being stern and intimidating
- Dachshunds are NOT easily intimidated
So this morning we had 40 minutes of beagle "growling" (not very convincing sounding) and dachshund "sass" (barking back) ending up AS USUAL with an annoyed beagle with soggy ears.
EDIT: Here they are
In college, we lived in the second floor and would leave the sliding glass door open with the screen door shut on nice days. We'd often come home to find my dog, stuck on the balcony. We figured out that my roommate's cat was opening the screen door to let the dog out and then closing the door.
My roommate has 2 large male dogs and I have a small female dog. My roommates male dogs like to rough house and play around sometimes. Whenever they get too loud my little dog will raise her head and growl ever-so-slightly. Just enough for them to hear her. As soon as she does, they stop for a minute and start playing quieter. Freaking surreal to see.
It's all soft...Tired Sleeping Dogs GIF by TikTokGiphy
My two dogs like the same bed so they will fight over it until the end result is they just both sleep on it (while the other bed just goes unused-I don't see the difference between the two they are both super soft?!).
youngest child syndrome...
3 cats (2 on purpose, then we had a happy accident for the third) Miku, Chloe, and Oliver. Oliver wants to play CONSTANTLY, and both the girls hate that. They'll cuddle with him in order to share a lap, but they get so mad at him when he tries to play. They don't hurt him though, just swatting with no claws and growls. Whenever they try to do that though he runs to my mom and cries until she picks him up. He's definitely got youngest child syndrome.
So I'm not the only one with looney pets. Good to know. Maybe I should bring them around animals more? It could be they aren't as social as possible. They aren't mean, just conniving and energetic. The next few stories may shed some light.
Dog 1 is trying to trick dog 2 into following her into the garden so that dog 1 can then storm back indoors to take dog 2's bone she is enjoying. Dog 3 is sitting in the on the couch quietly waiting for this to happen, to be the actual winner of this scheme.
We got a puppy two weeks ago. Our elderly cat is furious when we do dog training sessions because cat deserves the treats instead. We end up doing joint training sessions and the cat is actually much more consistent than puppy.
leading the stampedecows GIFGiphy
On my Uncle's farm a cat got into its head that attacking a cow was a good idea. Jumped on it, bit it around the neck. Of course when one cow runs, they all run... Cat caused a mini-stampede that took out several fences. And somehow walked away unscathed.
Two cats. I opened the window for the first time this year since the weather is finally nice. They have been pushing each other away for the best spot to smell the air.
Same! One open window in the house, in my office next to my desk. My two girls usually share really well but the window has been causing squabbles.
Edit: Photo evidence - https://imgur.com/gallery/roSasax.
The LookMad Grumpy Cat GIF by MOODMANGiphy
The dog doesn't like when the cat gives him dirty looks. The cat knows this, will deliberately stare him down, and then expertly leap out of the way when he goes to chase her.
Three cats until several months ago, now four. All from different litters. All fixed.
When it was just the three girls they had a shifting power dynamic that my wife and I called the Triple Détente. When the male was added, things got weird. He terrorizes one, creepily stalks another, and is terrified of the third. This has created a bizarre new dynamic with a top cat (the female that terrifies the male) for the first time in years.
Love this question haha I have 2 cats one that is a bit dramatic and there is always this stray cat that comes to stare at her from the distance, the never gets close but my cat yells like she is being attacked. When I go out and check it out the stray cat is on the other side of the sidewalk and my cat is at my door all curled up. All this happens and my other cat just stares through the window with dislike for my yelling cat.
I'm ashamed of my cat because her yelling is like super loud and all my neighbors know it's her causing drama.
Hey PoohWinnie The Pooh GIF by DisneyGiphy
I have two sibling cats, a boy and girl. The girl developed heart problems and wasn't eating as much, so the boy cat took advantage and was eating a lot of her share. Now she's a little too skinny and he's gotten fat.
Ok, so I need to separate their food - So I got an automatic feeder for the boy cat, and made a feeder box that only the girl cat could fit in, which made the boy cat mad. He eventually gained the confidence to Winnie-the-Pooh himself into her feeder box, which is frustrating if I ever need to be gone for the weekend, as he'll literally eat all her food before she touches it.
So far my solution is to put a little inflatable collar on him when I'm gone, so he has a barrier besides his fat to keep him from going in.
Also I had to barricade his automatic feeder because he kept beating it up to get loose kibbles. Now he stares longingly at that feeder all day.
No Touching Game
We adopted a puppy last year (german pointer/mutt female). Our 6 year old pup (corgi/border collie male) was fine at first, but gradually decided he was not having any of her shenanigans and will growl/bark at her when he doesn't want to play. Now she's turned it into a game and whenever she wants attention she lays in front of him on her back, belly exposed, wags her tail and wiggles her body - she never touches him during this. He ALWAYS responds with low tone growling and a random bark. It's the dog version of "I'm not touching you."
T & J!!!
I have a cat, a puppy, and a dog. Cat likes to lure the puppy under the bed and he can get under but gets stuck in the middle where it's the lowest. I have to rescue him (usually around 2 am and he wakes me up by scratching the floor trying to get out). Cat also likes to knock off things from the counter he knows puppy should not be chewing on. Puppy and cat like to wrestle with each other.
But dog doesn't like the ruckus and barks at them to stop. Cat doesn't like the barking so then he chases dog. Puppy follows cat and there's a train of 3 Tom and Jerry style through the house. At the end of the day tho they are always in a big cuddle pile so I think they'll be okay.
Alex cat looked at Natalie cat which she doesn't like so she screamed and poop shot across the floor. And now Natalie has taken Summer's favorite sleeping place so Summer threw up on the carpet.
Pretty much a normal day in other words.
My 15 year old cat just died a week ago. He had a heart condition and we knew he was close to the end of his journey. His sis yellow lab has been looking for him all around the house since then. She won't sleep cause she is patrolling the house looking for her bro.
Leading the Blind...cat playing GIFGiphy
We adopted a heavily abused and partially blind dog who was full of anxiety.
We also have 4 cats but only 2 of them are brave enough to go visit her.
The drama is that when she hears all the cats running around playing she wants to join but being semi blind and a 50/50 chance it won't be a friendly cat she just gets sad and whines.
We have 2 dogs, a very large all black German Shepherd, and a recently adopted miniature dachshund. At first they were getting along fine but now the German Shepherd literally follows the little dachshund around everywhere he goes! They're literally inseparable now and it's kind of adorable lol.
The only real drama that's come from this is that now both dogs fight for attention whenever the other seems to get some.
Edit: Omg I just got off of work and saw this post blew up! I'll let the good boys know that Reddit loves them when I get home lol.
Old drama, but when i moved into my last apartment my cats met my roommate's cat: Jenny. Jenny is an incredible creature, talkative and cuddly and weird but also passive aggressive as hell. She would get a lil jealous if my cats got more attention, but mostly she just got mad when she didn't get to go outside. When she got angsty she took it out on the other cats. In my first week she pushed my oldest off the balcony. Marzipan hit the iron fencing below and lost a tooth 😭. Somehow Marz still loved Jenny.
During the pandemic it's been noted that many animal shelters are now empty. So many people took pets into their homes to spread the love and warmth. Our pets may be crazy from time to time, but they're worth it. That's why... if you adopted or bought a pet during Covid, please don't return them after. That's just cruel. They aren't toys. They're part of the home now. Treat them accordingly.
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Pets can be wonderful companions, reliable helping hands when farming and hunting, or therapeutic presences when people feel gloomy or alone. Nothing has proved all of this more than life at hoe during the pandemic.
But before leaping into pet ownership, it's important to think deliberately about that undertaking.
Like human beings, domestic animals are nuanced and complicated. They have physical needs that can be costly and time consuming. They're profoundly social, demanding plenty of attention.
And like all of us, they live somewhere along a spectrum of mental health.
Nobody is more aware of those subtleties than a veterinarian. And lucky for us, plenty of vets use Reddit.
Just Imagine Being Stuck Home All Day Every Day...Oh Wait
"About their pet, the best one I know is one I heard a while ago: You have your life, your job, your friends, your family to provide your social interaction per day. Your dog only has YOU."
"Interact with your dog for more than five minutes per day and maybe your dog will not go out barking every five seconds."
Consistency is Key
"Don't complain about your dog not having boundaries when you're literally feeding them scraps off your plate at dinner time! That's 100% on you." -- SquiliamFancySon95
"It's so tiring trying to get my parents to stop feeding their dog who is highly allergic to all sorts of meat food scraps off the table."
"In their minds, they're being kind and can't help pampering the dog when in reality it just causes her to chew her paw pads off when she has her allergic reactions. It blows my mind." -- takenwithapotato
You Get What You Pay For
"Vaccines you get at the drug store on the corner or the feed and tack shop ARE NOT as good or the same as the ones you get at the vet."
"Just because your dog is scratching its ears does not mean it has ear mites."
"Your cat is not urinating outside the box because its a jerk ( it might be) it probably has an infection."
"Not eating for 3 days while vomiting and having diarrhea is a huge deal! That 5lb chihuahua or even 80lb lab cant lose that many fluids without having any intake and be ok and neither would you."
Do Your Research
"RVT here. Exotic animals (reptiles, birds, small mammals such as rabbits, hamsters, guinea pigs and rodents) may be easy to acquire and assumingly easier to take care of but most of these animals have very specific housing and dietary needs that need to be met and require enrichment."
"Also, not every veterinarian has experience with exotic animals, and exotic animal medicine is sometimes at a premium but is still necessary."
"I've met a lot of people who get a small mammal or a small bird for like $20 from the pet store and then won't pay for medical care because it costs way more than the pet was purchased for."
Bring the Enthusiasm
"Not a vet but my mom is."
"One thing that really frustrates her is the myth that neutering a cat will make them fat and lazy."
"It reduces the amount of calories they need which means they need less food and/or more exercise to maintain the same weight. Cats generally get less energetic as they get older regardless, but most will still perk up if you make the effort to wave a toy in their face every so often."
The Only Language Pets Have
"I am a vet. I wish people just even had a BASIC understanding of dog or cat body language. Ffs."
"The number of videos posted on reddit of animals in distress and its tagged as 'oh my little fluffster is so cute when he plays!' or whatever makes my blood boil."
"That kind of moronic ignorance is what gets children bit by the pet dog or the cat who is now dying because the owner had no idea of the signs 4 months ago."
To Keep in Mind
"If you see a stray cat with a cleanly clipped ear tip do not take it to a shelter. Either take it home to live with you or leave it on the street."
"Clipped ears mean they were caught, neutered/spayed by the city/county, and released. This is a way to control cat populations and, over time, protect wildlife. They compete for resources with fertile cats without adding to the population."
"In many cities, stray cats are more likely to be adopted from the street than in the shelter. If the cat is taken to a shelter they cannot legally release it because it is now abandoning the animal. That cat will be euthanized, or at best absorbs resources until it finds a home."
Tough, But Significant
"From my former vet tech girlfriend, don't leave your pets to be euthanized without you. It's hard to be there and it's hard to watch, but if you leave them they will die scared and looking for you."
"She had to try and comfort pets whose owner's couldn't bring themselves to stay and it's one of the few things that makes her cry."
One Vet's Take on Love and Stewardship
"If you own a pet and it's not a bird/mammal, it doesn't love you, not the way you're thinking of love. Reptiles, amphibians, and fish don't produce serotonin the way mammals and some birds do."
"They really do not care about you, they don't want to be snuggled, they don't want to be your friend, and it doesn't make a difference to them if you feed them/do their maintenance or someone else does."
"YES, they can learn to recognize you as their primary caregiver (my axolotls all know who I am and swim up to the glass if I'm there, which they don't do with anyone else), and they may come to TRUST you (which is arguably more valuable than love) but we do not know enough about them to say that they can love you."
"We just know that they can't love you the way you love them. They're biologically incapable of it, and that's not a bad thing, just different."
Trust and Patience
"I'm a vet."
"99% of patients are ok with drop off appointments due to COVID. The number of clients claiming 'my pet has severe anxiety, I can't believe you're making him go in alone!' is quite high. Almost all pets are fine. And the ones who aren't fine, I've allowed owners in the building to help."
"There's been 2 since March who actually were in distress despite people complaining daily about it being an issue."
"Also I think people need to learn more about the medical process in general. Tests are usually required to make a diagnosis. Sometimes even with tests the diagnosis is grey. Sometimes spending all the money will not guarantee success. Many times there's not a magic shot I can give to fix it."
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Working with dogs is a field like few others. Though a job at a veterinary clinic, animal shelter, or training class may have its moments of tragedy and frustration, the unique hilarity that dogs bring is a real treat.
Simply put, there are a whole lot of dogs out there that are just plain stupid. And its hilarious.
Dogs have bizarre fears of inanimate objects. Some dogs have ridiculous faces that turn the most monotonous task into a cartoonish outin
Whatever form the ridiculousness takes, we all love to witness it. And, as a Reddit thread showed, to talk all about it.
Quite the Bone
"A client of mine has a Doberman girl that once got stuck in a doorway because she was carrying a long bone and couldn't figure out on her own how to proceed."
"Ever since that incident, this dog won't walk through any door no matter how wide as long as she's got anything in her muzzle, be it a bone or a tiny little cracker."
"She is sweet, but really dull."
Unobservant and Phobic
"I work with dogs professionally but the dumbest one I ever met was one of mine. He was a very large Great Dane who somehow developed a fear of hardwood floors."
"The worst part is he would walk through a hallway or room without realizing it was hardwood, and then as soon as he realized it he would sit himself down and refuse to move anywhere."
"I miss the idiot"
Give Them an Inch...
"I volunteered for an organisation training guide dogs for blind people. One of the dogs graduated training and was assigned to a blind young lady. It costs €40,000 to get the dog trained to this point. Dog successfully guides her to work every day safely with no problems."
"Then it's pissing rain one day so her dad asks her to collect her and the dog and drop them to the office. The next day the dog just refuses to work and literally never worked a day again for her."
"I think it just didn't see the point when she could get in the car if she wanted!! "
Bruce the Golden Sniffer
"Bruce. A big old bloodhound who, on multiple occasions, would stick his nose right under other dogs while they peed." -- DavidWestSideStory
"My dog is so submissive that he let a bigger, meaner dog pee all over him while he grinned. If he could talk he would've said, 'Look mom! I made a friend!'" -- NeedsMoreTuba
Trouble With the Back Half
"My boyfriend walks a large Dalmatian who is the most uncoordinated dog I've ever seen. He just can't jump. Has no sense of what his back legs are doing."
"When my boyfriend comes to pick him up he tries to get into the van by jumping normally with his front legs but fails to follow through with the back, so just stands excitedly leaning on the floor of the van, doing frantic tippy-taps with his back feet on the ground outside."
"And he's a big dog, he could step right in without even jumping."
"No amount of showing him by actually moving his limbs has made it click for him, so he does his partial jump then one of us hoists his butt end in too."
Howling at Herself
"Used to volunteer at a Human Society and I remember this one dog who was terrified of shadows."
"The kicker? This was an akita/husky mix so every time she saw a shadow she would howl loudly till the shadow went away."
"Last I knew she got adopted by a farmer and was happily chasing cows."
A Paradoxical Reaction
"I used to work at a shelter, so I guess this counts. One of our dogs had excitement-induced narcolepsy (called cataplexy). So, he'd fall asleep whenever he was too happy. Playing with other dog? Fall asleep. It snowed? Fall asleep. Get people food? Fall asleep."
"We adopted him."
"In a home, we figured out he was afraid of doorways. This doof would turn around and walk backwards through doorways instead because that was less scary."
"He was also no fan of hardwood floors or ceiling fans. Solid 50lb of staffy, biggest coward ever."
"He was the best dog."
"Was walking a golden lab and this poor dog smelled something interesting. Decided to pee on it and lifted his leg."
"Mid pee decided to smell it again and ended up peeing on his own face. Dog was something else."
A Quick and Relentless Wagging
"My mom's pit/lab mix is dumb. He has a crazy long tail and it wags at like 35 mph."
"The other day he was wagging his tail and it was smacking the edge of the fridge. It hurt, he whined. Instead of moving or holding his tail still he just stood there whacking it against the fridge and whining."
"I finally moved him away from the fridge and he sat and licked it for a while. He's a good boi, but he ain't bright."
"My sister's dog was dumb. One day I decided to teach it to sit on command, the way I had taught a couple of other dogs. So, every time I brought him in from the backyard I'd get a treat from on top of the refrigerator and go through training."
"It took much longer than I thought it would, but eventually the dog would sit on command."
"Then I discovered it only knew what 'sit' meant when he was facing the refrigerator. So, more training, Every time I brought him in, I'd have him face a new direction until he made the connection and would sit on command."
"Then I discovered he only knew how to do it in the kitchen."
"A dumb, dumb dog."
"I work in a vet clinic and a dog ate a soft cloth foreign object. We were able to induce vomiting and keep the dog from getting an obstruction."
"Immediately after hurling up the object without a moment's hesitation tried to eat it again so I had to pry it out of his teeth. Dumb."
Worst Guard Dog of All Time
"I used to pet sit a German Sheppard who I lovingly called Space Cadet. She was really good at following directions, but if I stopped giving her things to do, or stopped moving myself around, she would just disappear somewhere in her little doggy mind."
"Once her owner forgot to give me the key before she left for a long weekend so I had to break into the house. She didn't react until I called out for her. She had no sense that something was off about my entering. All she noticed was that her friend was in the apartment and it was time to play."
"I miss that dog."
Hope You Enjoyed Em, Harvey
"I work with dogs professionally however the dumbest dog I ever met was my friend's roommates dog in college. Harvey."
"He was the absolute sweetest pup, but he was so dumb he only had room for one emotion at a time and only had 2 emotions total: happy and sad. The cat hissed at him; sad. People came inside; happy. Someone yelled; sad. Someone said his name; happy. People not giving attention; sad. Remembered he had a toy; happy."
"But the dumbest thing this dog ever did was knock a glass pan of brownies off the counter when no one was home. Harvey ate the whole thing, including the glass. The dogs whole mouth was cut up, he spent hours at the vet, and came back on sedatives. Poor dog lauded in his bed for 3 days."
A Stride Length of 0, or Infinity
"I briefly volunteered at our local shelter and fell in love with a little mutt called Alfie."
"He had distemper when he was a pup so wasn't quite all there."
"When he was running his back legs seemed to be in a race with his front legs, so he mostly ran sideways, and when we were having cuddle time, he would suddenly decide he didn't know me and launch clumsily into a pretty adorable 'attack'. This mainly consisted of chewing my jumper and peeing on me."
"I loved that boy so much. Thankfully he was adopted quite quickly!"
"A wildly overweight chocolate lab we referred to as 'Bella Bighead.'"
"When I say she was overweight, I mean this dog was a furry sphere on legs with a dog head attached. She was also very affectionate, and being in a kennel w/o her owner made her anxious to say the least."
"One night, after the playroom floors had been cleaned and were thus a little slippery, we let her out with the other dogs for some exercise. Bella gets nervous. Bella decides she needs my undivided attention. Bella gets behind me, wedges her dumb, giant head between my knees and begins tunneling for China."
"The floor is too slick to get any shoe traction, so I end up stumbling backwards, landing square on Bella's oversized back."
"And that's the story of why I was caught on security camera riding a labrador like a pony."
Shoot the Gap
"My dog likes to whine for hours if the basement door isn't open. Cause his bowl of food is there. The door usually stays open but sometimes I accidentally close it."
"One time he was whining, I went to open the door and it was already open. About a six inch gap. He sat looking at me waiting for the door to open because clearly...it wasn't open far enough."
"Adorable but a giant idiot too."
"We had a welsh terrier named Lily who came to our kennel and was always booked for group playtime. She was a show dog, apparently, which might explain why she was violently stupid."
"One of the playrooms had a big window instead of a wall to let people watch the dogs play. Lily was so fu**ing dumb she didn't realize this was a window and she full-on sprinted headfirst into it. Every. Single. Day."
Primary Suspect: A Very Dumb Dog
"Have a friend with a black lab. Dumb as rocks but a total sweetie. He wags his tail so hard that they have to keep it wrapped. He will whack it into tables, corners, whatever to the point it will start to bleed."
"I went over once and they forgot to wrap the tail and after about 3 minutes the living room suddenly looked like a crime scene from the blood splatter"
"And the dog remained clueless. He was also adopted to be a hunting dog and he's terrified of loud noises. No hunting for him."