But thanks to Redditor MCKlassik, class is back in session for a thorough reexamining of some forgotten history after they asked:
"What's a NSFW history fact that we don’t often hear about?"
The naughty proclivities of some historical figures are not subjects tackled in school.
A Promiscuous Reputation
"Napoleon wife had a friend who was known as 'Government property' because she had banged so many ministers of state."
– justincredible667
She's Alive!
"Didn't the author of Frankenstein lose her virginity on her mother's grave."
– Air2799
Let's talk about manhoods.
Napolean's Dynamite
"After Napoleon’s death, it’s been alleged (and told to me by a historian at les Invalides) that his penis was cut off and sold and exhibited through the early 20th century. It was described in 1927 as resembling a 'piece of leather' or a 'shriveled eel.'"
– unreadybean
The Major Minor Incident
"William C. Minor, one of the contributing writers of the Oxford English Dictionary, chopped off his penis using the pocket knife he used to cut the bound pages of his old first edition book."
– quamazotz
President's Johnson
"President Lyndon B Johnson was obsessed with his penis and used it to control those around him. He gave it the nickname 'Jumbo.' He'd threaten Senators by saying he was gonna sleep with their wives and if he went to the bathroom in the middle of a conversation, he expected the other person to follow him into the bathroom to continue the conversation and would get upset if they tried to just wait outside. Sometimes he would swing around while standing at a urinal and talking to someone, leaving his genitals exposed. He also drove himself around on his ranch and stopped to pee on the side of the road so the Secret Service Agents had to cover him and there was a gust of wind that blew the pee onto one of the agent's legs and Johnson said that it was his 'prerogative' to pee on the agent's leg."
"Journalists once asked him 'why continue the war in Vietnam?' and he sent all the women out of the room, took his penis out, flopped it on the table and said 'this is why!'"
– SneezyMcBeezy
Cure For Horniness
"The guy who invented cornflakes John Kellogg hated masturbation so he recommended a bland diet which included his cereal to prevent kids from touching themselves inappropriately also putting acid on the clit or sewing the foreskin closed. Edit: it was actually John’s brother William who invented cornflakes by accident but John still recommended cornflakes to people in their diet as well as other things to prevent masturbation. Edit 2: he also was a huge advocate for circumcision which led it to becoming more popular because he also thought it would prevent boys from masturbating."
– Agreeable_Finger_747
These little-known catastrophes were a tragic sh*t show.
Especially this next one. Literally.
A Tragic Sh*t Show
"In July 1184, Henry VI, King of Germany (later Holy Roman Emperor), held court at a Hoftag in the Petersberg Citadel in Erfurt. On the morning of 26 July, the combined weight of the assembled nobles caused the wooden second story floor of the Peterskirche to collapse and most of them fell through into the latrine cesspit below the ground floor, where about 60 of them drowned in liquid excrement."
– KiakiHawk
The Enormous Casualty Of One Battle
"Rome lost as many soldiers in one battle as the United States lost in the entirety of the Vietnam War. It was The Battle of Cannae in 216 BC against Hannibal. And this was back when the entire world population was tiny compared to what it is now. Rome lost 20% of its adult male population in a single day."
– stillbatting1000
Fear-Based Tactic At The Expense Of Animal Lives
"At the beginning of World War II, in Great Britain, over 750,000 domestic animals were euthanised out of fear that rations would be spread too thin and pet abandonment would lead to masses of strays. The National Air Raid Precautions Animal Committee (NARPAC) sent pamphlets out to homes suggesting that people should send their pets to the countryside or '[kindly] have them destroyed.' This later became known as the British Pet Massacre."
– Asaella
These scientific cases are jaw-dropping–and in one case, literally so.
An Institution's Coverup
"The British Academy of Science redacted massive amounts of the first published observations of penguins by biologists. Penguins are the worst. So much rape. So much necrophilia. The Academy decided the public wouldn't handle it well."
– No-Statement-3019
The Blessing Of Malaria
"Julius Wagner-Jauregg won the 1927 Nobel prize for medicine - by giving people malaria."
"The fever from the malaria would go so high that it could kill off an otherwise untreatable syphilis infection. Left untreated syphilis could lead to insanity so it was pretty bad thing. In comparison, having malaria, which we had treatments for, was a blessing."
– ApteronotusAlbifrons
Hoax Victim
"There is a man named Eben Byers who is entombed in Pittsburgh's Allegheny National Cemetery. He was a golf pro and socialite who ended up being the victim of quack medicine. He consumed so much 'Radithor' (Radium dissolved in water) that just prior to his death his jaw literally eroded off of his face. His mausoleum has him in a lead coffin because he's still radioactive."
– Extrasherman
Not Quite Mouth-To-Mouth Resuscitation
"It used to be thought that blowing smoke up someone's a** was a way to revive them. Some swimming pools actually had a kit, with a bellows type device, the blow smoke up the a** of a drowning victim."
"EDITED: to clarify tobacco smoke."
– No-Process3677
A Debaucherous Demonstration
"The CIA gave unsuspecting civilians LSD and then observed their interactions with sex workers (paid informants) while under the influence, for experimental purposes. This operation was called Midnight Climax."
– Snoo_69677
Because, Priorities
"The dildo was invented before the wheel."
– MapleMallard
Were you aware of these historical facts? Did you take notes?
I don't know what my teachers had on their lesson plans, but if some of these subjects were covered in my history classes, I probably would've fared much better.
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