People Explain What Caused Them To Finally Stop Giving A F**k
Reddit user 33-9 asked: 'What age did you stop giving a f**k and what situation triggered it?'
Let's be honest: We're all human here, and we all have our limits for how much we can take.
At some point, something will happen where we'll say, "That's it! I'm out!" But for some people, there will be something that will happen that will lead them to feel that way about... everything.
Curious how others felt, Redditor 33-9 asked:
"What age did you stop giving a f**k, and what situation triggered it?"
An Eye-Opening Moment
"Age 56."
"I had a heart attack with greater than 95 percent blockage. I was a dead man walking."
"Every day is a gift now. I refuse to get stressed."
- graibeard
Putting Themselves First
"Age 37."
"I finally pulled my head out of my @ss and realized that I need to put me first, and not be concerned about what others think of the things I say or do."
"All relationships with others are voluntary and conditional, so don't sacrifice yourself to preserve any of them."
"For context, I am currently 37."
- Macbookaroniandchez
Life-Risking Priorities
"Age 16."
"I overdosed at a kickback, and nobody called for help because they were scared of getting in trouble, making it clear that, ultimately, nobody gives a f**k about you or anything you do! They only care about themselves!"
- angelicaaf
Never the Same Again
"Age 24."
"My dad died, and I stopped caring about anyone’s opinion of me and my life after he passed."
- littlegremlinsparky
No Growth Mindset
"The biggest thing for me is people seeing you in the same light forever despite any changes or personal growth. It makes it difficult to actually take their opinion seriously."
- avidpretender
No Work-Life Balance
"Age 24…"
"My boss at the time asked me if I was coming into work the day after I had an emergency major abdominal surgery."
"I quit the day I was released by doctors to come back."
- TheWhiteSheep3
A Very Sci-Fi Take
"I had the strange epiphany at 24 or 25 years old that everyone I encounter on a daily basis is just a meat suit that’s gonna die someday. Including mine. I drastically stopped giving a f**k about what people thought about me and my life after that."
- Ahungryhippopotamus
On the Bonus Level
"Age 58."
"I got the virus during the pandemic. I was in the hospital for 85 days. The doctors told my brother to prepare for my death."
"I'm living my bonus life. I did a lot of traveling the year after when I regained most of my health. I still get winded easily. I don't worry what strangers think when I dress like a slob. I don't let comments from strangers online bother me anymore."
"I'm direct with friends when they disrespect me rather than fret about it. I'm trying to be more kind and patient with others."
"A positive attitude helped me overcome that virus."
- Adventurous-Sell9358
Cannot Keep Up the Charade
"It's hard to pin down because it happened so gradually. I can say that I was in my 40s when I started losing my ability to pretend to give a f**k, though."
- Salarian_American
A Coping Mechanism
"Like, I don't know, maybe 10 or 11 years old."
"As soon as I moved on from primary school, my mom doubled down on controlling everything about me and forced me to do all this work and sign on for s**t I didn't want to participate in, and I used apathy as a coping mechanism and haven't looked back since."
"Since she punished me for everything I did, I might as well become immune to the punishment and everything else along with it."
- 4rtiphi5hal
Prioritizing the Baby's Happiness
"When I had my baby."
"I’d never wear a one-piece because I thought I wouldn’t look nice, but then I took her swimming and wore it, and I didn’t give a s**t because the swimming made her happy."
"I didn’t smile too much before because of my teeth, but I do now constantly because my smiling makes her smile."
"A lot of things I used to be self-conscious about, I don’t have the time or worry for."
- MaccasDriveThru
Imposter Syndrome: Over
"Age 48."
"I gave a talk at a conference, and all my imposter syndrome evaporated. And since then, I have no f**ks left to give. Just doing my thing."
- flamingofast
Them Against the World
"Three days ago. I got married."
"I worried too much about the wedding and the people in it but in the middle of it, I was just focusing on my wife being happy, so I gave no f**ks about what other people thought."
"It was our day, and I'm keeping this mentality up forever. It's her and me. That's it."
- CaseVirtual
No F**ks From Birth
"I don't know if I ever gave a f**k. I’m a very no f**ks person."
"I think my mom tells this story when I was five, I said something like, 'Why does that matter? We all gonna die anyway.' She was kind of concerned that her five-year-old looked at life that way."
"However, life is too short to give any f**ks."
- MadamFutureWhatEver
Just Not Worth It
"Various points between ages 17 and 19."
"People around me would criticize me for the dumbest things and/or things they also did, and I realized that for all the things they do to make my life harder, I only bent further backward to avoid problems."
"I could use some restored faith in humanity. But for now, while I look for that, if someone wants to mess with me, they have proven themselves unworthy of my energy. Screw them and their screwed-up, self-centered worldviews."
"Maybe someday I’ll find some genuinely good people who don’t give me panic attacks or cross boundaries on purpose. They have to be out there. I hope I can find them."
- AutisticAcademic
We've all had those moments of feeling like, "I have no f**ks left to give," but in some cases, it can feel like that applies to literally everything.
We can totally understand how these Redditors saw these as turning moments, and for many of them, it was overwhelmingly for the better.
Have you ever had a similar epiphany? Let us know in the comments below.
It's Over: Why People Instantly Fell Out Of Love With Their Crush
A Redditor asked: 'What killed your feelings for someone you were once madly in love with?'
Relationships are meant to be fun, and having a crush can feel so dreamy in a way, but there are reasons for relationships to end and crushes to dissolve.
Those reasons are absolutely valid, but some of them are also really terrible to think about.
A Redditor who has since deleted their account asked:
"What killed your feelings for someone you were once madly in love with?"
All For Convenience
"He just didn't seem to actually give a s**t about me, unless I was doing something for him or making his life easier."
- Foreveragu
The Biggest Ick
"When he left me for someone half my age. By the way, I was 29 years old."
- delusionallinkedchic
No Needs Met
"He stopped meeting my needs. I noticed he would bend over backwards for anyone else but neglected me all the time. Any small thing I asked was just too much."
"If he did ask me if I wanted anything from the store, etc., he would come back with everything everyone else asked for and he would forget mine. He peed on the toilet seat so many times and refused to be considerate and wipe after use..."
"The final straw was when I lost my brother recently. He just left me to grieve and didn't really give me any emotional support, no hugs, no asking if I'm alright. He became irritable and moody and now I've just lost whatever was left."
- velvetcharlotte
Their Smallest Fan
"Their constant daily criticism of everything I do, every little thing!"
- jay105000
The Unfaithful Partner
"She cheated on me with a married man. I cried and said I thought we were going to get married someday."
"She said, 'I was NEVER going to marry you!'"
"Nice way to kick someone when they're down..."
- Weary_Boat
Too Humbling of an Experience
"She said, 'I'm just... better than you.'"
"That was said to me the night after I finished my first degree in music. Apparently, I wasn't a 'hard science' major, so all her friends convinced her that I wasn't as good as them... or her."
"Ah well. Could have been worse."
- ThePencilRain
Not In Sickness, Just Health
"He treated my like s**t while I was going through cancer treatment."
- Multipass08
In Love With Being Chased
"In secondary school, I had a crush on a close friend, we were close as friends but nothing more. I eventually (after probably four years of showing hints, getting her gifts, and asking her out to meals and dates) told her exactly how I felt, and asked her how she felt."
"She knew already, but she wanted me to keep trying. She didn't want to be with me, she enjoyed having someone follow her around and dote on her. She then proceeded to have a relationship with every bloke in a friendship group."
"Not gonna lie, I was broken for a good while, but several relationships later, I haven't spoken to her in several years, but keep up with our old friend groups. According to them, she is desperately lonely after doing this with several other guys and now no one wants anything to do with her..."
"But yeah, being told she knew and that nothing was going to change killed all sorts of feelings in me for a long time."
- Practical_Junket8195
The One Who Projects
"The lying, cheating, and stealing."
"Plus all the accusations against me cheating and lying. And false allegations when I didn't react to the drama. Physically and emotionally abusive but I'm the male so no one cares."
"That kind of does it. It's sad, to be honest."
- Encased_in_Gold
So, So True
"Loss of trust does it every time. There can be no love without trust."
- mkwas343
Desperate for Love
"Awareness of my own false overhyped perception of her and realized that I have been overlooking her flaws because I was desperate to be with someone."
- ZenMyst
Disloyal and Unsupportive: A Classic Combination
"He cheated on me and told me it's not his problem so I should solve it alone and come back to him once I let go of things. Left him the next day."
- Buttercup0616
The Lack of Respect
"The put-downs, the insults disguised as jokes, constant derision, threats of cheating, laziness, greed, not caring about what they look like (wanting you to be in tip-top shape all the time, while they gain and get heavier and heavier)."
"They look down on you, treat you like a child or worse. Treated like a servant... or a slave. I could just carry on, but I could just give a few examples of my own experience. But you've read my rant long enough to get what I am saying."
- Background_Break2616
Absolutely No Excuse
"Subtle racist remarks that snowballed into blatant racism. Hopefully they have changed for the better."
- ThreeOneThirdMan
Not As a Second Option
"She said no and then came back a few days later saying actually yes, why not."
"Yeah no, you had one chance baby and you blew it."
- Maaaaaath
It's clear why these relationships ended. While it's nice for relationships to work out, a person shouldn't stay with it just for the sake of having a relationship, and these are great examples of why.
We've all heard the phrase, "to each their own," and one place this concept really applies is in relationships, what the couple's goals are, what they like to do, and what they dream of doing as a profession.
They also know what they don't want, including which careers would ultimately be a deal breaker if their partner were to suddenly start working in that profession.
Redditor abigbearofaman asked:
"Women of Reddit, what job would a man have that would be an automatic deal breaker for you?"
A Surgeon
"A surgeon. A lot of the times they're on the clock 24 hours per day, seven days per week, and that's just too much to handle."
- Terugtrekking
"I dumped a surgeon this year. He was a nice guy. But our plans were always canceled. My last straw was when we had a late-night date, we had sex at his place, then he immediately got up and started to get dressed."
"He was working in 30 minutes and he hadn't told me. Just f**k and run. It was the first (and only) time we had sex without condoms, too."
"I went home and ended things the next day. I realized I didn't want to live that way."
- ferretunderpressure
Chefs and Bartenders
"I’m a chef and I get it 100%."
"It takes a special person to be able to put up with the amount of time I’m not around. The group I work for is opening a new restaurant where I’m an owner, and that really ratcheted up the workload. It’s all in hopes of a better life on the other side in a few years."
"I make fantastic money for what I do, but it’s all about what will be and not what is at the moment."
"I do love my job and the people I’m around every day really add to my gratification. My now business partners are all successful industry people who are awesome to talk to about making it and that light at the end of the tunnel. They genuinely want everyone to be happy and successful and pay their employees fairly which is a rarity in this industry."
"However, the grind is real. I pray to be successful to allow myself a life I never thought I could have, and I’m more than halfway there."
"A side note would be that I am also the only chef in my group that is sober and actively takes care of themself and works out. Most I know allow alcohol to consume them and get stuck in this cycle of abuse and anxiety. It’s not an easy profession and it is less conducive than most careers when it comes to maintaining a healthy lifestyle."
- sasquatchington
"I'm glad to see Chef on the list. You can add Bartender to that list, as well."
- hopelesscaribou
"I have to semi-disagree on the chef. Don't date a WORKING chef. He's going to be in a s**tty mood after cooking all day for other people, and you'll either be cooking yourself or ordering out a lot because he damn sure won't want to cook at home."
"HOWEVER, I married a FORMER chef, as in he hasn't worked in a restaurant in years, and he does all the cooking in the house because he wants to,"
- personal-tourist3064
Truck Drivers
"Ladies, find yourself a Truck Driver. We make the best partner. You miss us, we come back, we start to annoy you when we are home, and we leave again."
- CasperH38
"I don't know, man... the amount of truck drivers I see on Grindr that are just passing through makes me skeptical."
- sicilian504
"I can’t be away from my partner for too long."
- FyouPerrythePlatypus
An Active Soldier
"An army soldier who is active on the ground or could be deployed any time."
"I’d be terrified of losing the man I love to the horror of war. I’d rather be alone. It is his decision to give up his life or sanity for war, but I just can’t be a partner and potential caregiver to someone like that."
"I already lost a happy childhood. I can’t sacrifice anymore."
- deadbydurp
First Responders
"First responders (particularly police officers). That’s a boatload of trauma I’m not prepared to deal with (having dated someone with really bad PTSD on top of my own trauma, it really made things worse for my mental health)."
"Every time I’ve matched with one of them on Tinder, the following conversation gave me weird as f**k vibes."
"It takes a certain type of person to be a partner for someone in those professions, and that's not me."
- spicyychorizoo
Lawyers
"I’m a lawyer, and I’ve told my sister to avoid lawyers. Yes, people might hate lawyers, but so do we."
- wynnduffyskiingg
Social Media Influencers
"Man who likes men here but: SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCER."
- A_Mirabeau_709
"Dating an influencer makes you a cameraman."
- ThinkPan
"I think I wouldn't mind handling the camera or the technical side of streaming and lighting. But I still don't think I'd want to spend that much time with an influencer."
- FuzzyLogic0
"I went on ONE date with one. Never again. She documented the entire date and her personality while on camera was different than on so it was like being on a date with two people at the same time."
- imanon33
Specifically TikTok Influencers
"TikToker. They are just so incredibly NPC (Non-Player Characters)."
- unchillhill
"I matched with one on Tinder once. He was a huge a**hole, and when I turned down his offer to hook up, he said, 'Do you know who I am?!' and went on this huge spiel about how famous he was."
- spazthejam43
Circus Performers
"Circus performers."
"No real juicy story here. We just had super different lives and almost no common points of reference. He dropped out of high school to join the circus (yes, really) and I went to college, grad school, then worked at universities so he had basically no understanding of what my life was like."
"He also had some weird habits and fixations, he took on new hobbies not because he was genuinely interested but because he thought they made him interesting. Very much a drive to get attention. He viewed all animals as tools rather than pets and had a real disdain for horses after working with them."
"He was nearly 30 when we met and was living in an apartment for the first time ever because he'd been on the road for his entire adulthood. We just had extremely different lives and it was novel at first but then it wasn't."
- nutellatime
Real Estate Agent
"Real Estate agent. Never again."
- ___Wasabi___
"I worked in sales for a number of years, and the number of ultra-competitive d-bags it attracts is unreal. I've always wondered if real estate isn't similar. Based on the presentation of some realtors, it looks worse, way, way worse."
- thecwestions
"As a guy who dated a woman realtor. Yep, never again. In sales, you have to get used to white lies. That permeates into the relationship. Also, if they are dedicated to their job. That means they are never off."
"You want a nice dinner with them but a lead call comes in. Guess what's happening. Yep, they are taking the lead call. You end up playing second fiddle to their job."
- pawsa
Someone Famous
"Personally, I wouldn't want to date anyone famous. Especially if they're someone who gets swarmed by fans."
- Oscars_Grouch
"Anyone famous or public facing (actor, politician) because no matter how much you try to keep yourself private, you will be talked about in media. There are a few celebrity couples who have been pretty successful at drawing those lines (Dolly Parton and Carl Dean) but even the strongest lines are blurry to some degree."
- tah4349
Life Coach
"A life coach."
- dylanjreid79
"Never again. I dated a former life coach and he'd say the most mundane s**t (or insights I'd already had, but phrased differently) and expect me to shower him with thanks and praise."
"By the time I left, he was trying to start an MLM (Multi-Level Marketing). Glad to be out of that one."
"It was rare for me to thank him when he exhibited this behavior. At one point, I remember looking at him silently after he said something obvious and he said, 'YOU'RE WELCOME.' Or he'd talk about how people go through their whole lives without knowing the earth-shattering (not) things he was telling me."
"I typically wasn't looking for advice anyway, but he just couldn't let go of thinking he had the (overly simplified) solutions to everyone's problems."
- llama_in_galoshes
Scammy Sales
"Tradeshow sales, drop shipping. My friend does this and I've worked with him before. Everyone is on something, everyone spends the day lying, and no one minds scamming people. Your coworkers are always stealing and sleeping around. It's all so scummy."
"I would be fine dating someone who created their product, sold handmade goods or food. I would be fine with someone who was part of the entertainment at fairs, but not someone in the drop shipping side."
- Scarred5
Religious Roles
"Something religious. I'm an atheist, happy to be one, and have no interest in becoming an ex-atheist."
- gilded_lady
"I'm an Atheist, and I was once casually seeing a religious guy who eventually told me that it was his 'mission from god' to bring me back to the church."
"That was the last night we ever spoke."
- WhoGotSnacks
No Job At All
"A lack of a job and zero desire to get one is a deal breaker for me."
"He could be 10/10 smoking hot but if he refuses to work and just sits on his a** all day playing video games and drinking, I’m out. A guy doesn’t have to make $60 an hour, but I’m in my 30’s. I need someone who has a job and is financially responsible. I’m not looking to be anyone’s sugar momma."
"I’m not talking about disabled people (legitimate reason to not work), people trying to find a job (I think we can all relate), or successful video game streamers. I’m talking about able-bodied guys who can work but refuse to even get even a part-time job out of pure laziness."
"I dated a guy like this once. We shared an apartment. I was working two jobs at the time, while he worked part-time but would call in for the stupidest reasons. 'I’m too tired.' 'My car won’t make it through the snow' (when there was 0.1' of snow on the ground)."
"He didn’t contribute, didn’t try to better himself, and he was content being a lazy sack of s**t. I left him. Now I’m doing great and he still depends on others to pay all his bills and expenses."
- draytonSawyersBBQ
It's pretty clear why most of these are on the list after the Redditors explained their reasoning. A common occurrence is thinking a job sounds impressive, like being a Surgeon, without realizing what home life would be like with that person, leading ultimately to unhappiness.
Whether or not we want to admit it, we'd like to believe in love lasting forever and happily-ever-afters.
But some couples are not destined to last forever.
And perhaps not surprisingly, there are some tell-tale signs that a couple is doomed to fail.
Redditor ADTID asked:
"What screams 'we are not going to last long' for couples?"
An Accidental... Engagement?
"A recent personal experience I witnessed."
"The entire immediate family of one side of a wedding said it was a bad idea and less than a month into the marriage one of them stayed at their mom's house for the night because they were fighting."
"Also, they got engaged as a result of a failed breakup attempt..."
- UNCLETROUBLE24
"I had a friend that did this. He kept dumping her and the last time, she just told him she had enough."
"The next day, he came back, begging for her and swearing that he loved her more than anything in the world."
"And she told him to prove it."
"So he proposed. She didn't know what to do, so she said yes and it went downhill from there."
- minilibrarian
An Incompatible Future
"If they have strongly conflicted plans for their future. Either means they'll break up eventually or one or both of them will end up in an unhappy compromise."
- slinkocat
"Do not get married if one of you wants kids and the other doesn't. It is a whole mess."
"I have an aunt and uncle who I love dearly. He wanted kids badly and she did not. They almost divorced over it, but eventually worked through it. Traveled the world, had beautiful properties, the whole nine yards."
"Now she is in her 60s, and every time she drinks, she talks about how she should have had kids, and my uncle gets this look on his face that is difficult to describe, but it's not good."
- sanslumiere
On Again, Off Again
"Breaking up every few minutes and then back together again."
- Substantial_Pen_4445
"Especially in the first couple of months."
- SlapHappyDude
Obviously Controlling
"When the dynamic is super obvious to outsiders early on, that’s a bad sign."
"Whatever is happening on the outside is always worse on the inside."
"I know a couple where the woman will just berate her man publicly. She’ll talk to him like he’s an actual child. She tells him how much he’s allowed to do certain things, but twists it so it doesn’t look as bad. It’s as if she genuinely thinks he’s mentally disabled or something, except she only does it when she’s being controlling."
"For example, she hates when he plays video games. She thinks it’s immature and a waste of time that could be spent hanging out with her or being productive. She thinks it’s embarrassing that he plays video games."
"So he has to sneak around to play video games at other people's houses so that he can play it off as if it’s the other person's fault that he was playing. Like, 'Oh, Mike wanted to play, and I just couldn’t say no at his house.'"
"Now, I have seen this couple having a semi-private fight. They’re very loud and literally go one room away from their guests to have fights."
"This woman will berate the way he talks during fights and literally mock him to his face in a baby voice like, 'Nanana, I’m a grown man and I still play video games,' instead of actually making real commentary on the argument. This breaks his spirit and he ends up just exhausting during the fight and succumbing to whatever she wants. And the things she wants are super inconsistent, so he can’t win there, either."
"The public thinks she doesn’t like video games and looks down on him for it. But privately she’s completely broken this guy's spirit and he can’t escape the cycle due to constant emotional exhaustion."
"And that’s not even TRUE privacy. That’s when I’m in another room. God only knows how bad it is when they’re completely alone together. I hear some of it because this guy has come to my house when she kicks him out for the night, and he vents to me (while we play hours of video games of course, lol (laughing out loud))."
"This is shockingly common. I know, like, eight people who have at one point been in a relationship like this. Whatever abusive behavior is seen publicly is always ALWAYS worse behind closed doors."
"I’ve told him blatantly that he should leave her."
"He always says things along the lines of, 'You’re right,' but then ends up back with her within a few days."
"They’ve been together for so long, I think it’s a sunk-cost situation for him."
"I am doing everything I can by being a place he can crash for the night and voicing my opinions. We’ve tried to talk to the woman before, too, but that ends up just making the guy’s life harder."
"Anyone who’s reading this and thinks it sounds familiar, if one or two friends say your SO (significant other) sucks, maybe it’s a fluke. If ALL your friends say they suck, or they think you might be in an abusive relationship, consider how you can’t see it as clearly through your rose-tinted glasses."
- MomLuvsDreamAnalysis
The Fatal Attempts to Fix
"When one person wants to 'fix' the other. If your relationship is a repair project, you didn't fall in love with who they are. You fell in love with what you want them to be."
- jiff1912
Walking on Eggshells
"'Walking on eggshells’ around your partner in terms of what you can and can’t say. if you feel you can’t disagree with your partner and/or voice your opinion without it turning into an argument."
- shelby75R
"That can be 'not going to last' or 'lasts several years too long.'"
- VanFailin
An Audience for Their Arguments
"The way they speak to each other when they’re not alone."
"I noticed this after my divorce and I started dating again, because you speak to these new people with a lot of respect and kindness. Then we’d get around married couples and they’d say awful things to each other in nasty snappy tones, and it was jarring."
"Fast forward ten years and all those couples I noticed doing that are divorced now."
- SnoBunny1982
"When both make the atmosphere so uncomfortable when you are in their house."
- Big-Nerve-9574
Wedding Day Etiquette
"When he smashes her face in the cake at the wedding and she hates it."
- A_wild_Mel_appears
"I did the manly thing and asked my wife. She said no, she was spending hours doing makeup and didn’t want to ruin it. So instead I gave her a tiny forkful to eat and it was great."
- MoobyTheGoldenSock
Very Public Relationships
"My cousin emptied out her bank account, her ex-husband's bank account, and borrowed from their relatives to fund a $25k wedding."
"They broke up about a year later. They were together for over 10 years before this."
"They also posted pictures the morning after while in bed still... It was just another sign they’re insecure about their relationship, over posting about how great it is all the time."
- StainedBrain1997
"A childhood friend posts five or six photos of her and her husband every day. The lighting is always magazine perfect, there is good composition and depth of field. It must take an hour of every day."
"I just want to be like, 'Girl, are you okay?'"
- PreferredSelection
Lack of Communication
"Lack of communication."
"Discussing every disagreement means screaming over each other, exploding, shutting off communications, and/or running out of the room."
"So they won't be able to resolve anything in a constructive manner."
- Bebe_Bleau
Arguing Too Much, or Too Little
"If all disagreements end in arguments."
"My partner and I disagree about a lot of stuff. But we can talk, discuss, and even sometimes agree with the other person's side."
"It'd be weird if you saw eye to eye on 100% of stuff too."
- jayhitter
Open Marriage Solutions
"When they think opening their marriage will fix their problems."
- randomname196
"My wife and I had two different pairs of married friends who brought in 'a third' to spice up their marriage. We now have four separate friends who we can't hang out with together."
- DigitalZiggurat
Apathetic Reactions
"I was at a party one time, and there was a marriage counselor there that had been working for 20-something years in couples counseling."
"I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn't going to make it."
"Without hesitating, she said, 'If one person shows contempt for the other's feelings, it's over!'"
- Marauder
"This is the answer, well, one of them. John Gottman calls contempt, defensiveness, being critical, and stonewalling the 'Four Horsemen of Relationships.'"
"In other words, they are the signs that things are deeply not okay between the two people involved."
"Looking at past relationships, contempt is the big one. Once that entered the picture from either side, it was all downhill from there."
- ifnotmewh0
Adding a Child to the Mix
"Having a kid to 'fix' their relationship."
- ThingsOfThatNaychah
"Being a kid with divorced parents is bad."
"But being a kid with parents that should be divorced but aren't is way worse."
- AvergeMortisEnjoyer
An Undeniable List
"In my experience:"
"1. Contempt / mockery."
"2. Lack of communication / respect / empathy for the other person."
"3. Glue babies."
"4. Having a wedding as opposed to making a marriage."
"With the exception of children, consistently and habitually prioritizing others over their SO (significant other)."
"Then there are the things that for me are default dealbreakers: any kind of abuse, cheating, financial dishonesty, violence, gaslighting. This criteria also applies to their treatment of my children where applicable."
- PugWitch
There are always going to be relationships that aren't going to work out, but there are some that are literally doomed to fail, and that latter group is pretty obviously on the path to ending to everyone outside of the relationship long before the actual couple is even aware of it.
We're living in an age where single people more time scrolling through dating apps and chatting with strangers than engaging with them in person.
And while they think they know enough about a prospective date based on their chat history, finally meeting up with them on a first date can still come with a variety of surprises.
One of two things can happen.
Either love seekers strike immediate chemistry or they find that the person with whom they shared a love connection online turns out to be a major misconnection.
Curious to explore what doesn't work on a first date for strangers online, Redditor hometattoo asked:
"What is your first date dealbreaker?"
Some people don't understand the art of conversation.
So One-Sided
"Bad conversation when you feel like getting more than a 2 word answer out of them is like pulling teeth."
– Thealmightyfug
Conversation Hog
"When they try to dominate the conversation and make everything about themselves while cutting you off."
– Alteredego619
Worst Top 5
"I went out with a girl who asked me if I had done something like, for example, surfed in Hawaii. I said 'no,' then she went on to tell me about what she did for about 20 minutes. Then another question, followed by another 20-minute story. Went on like this for a while till I lied and said 'yeah.' I started to make up a story when she cut me off and started another story. Top 5 of my worst first dates."
– babe_ruthless3
When phones are more interesting than you, it's time to move on.
Games
"Playing on their phone."
– bumliveronions
*clash royale intro plays*
– tykkebellis
Taking The Call
"Many years ago before the advent of smartphones I had a date with this lady who 5 minutes into dinner got a phone call and then proceeded to spend the next 1.5 hours talking on her phone and ignoring me. So I ate my food tossed 20 on the table and left."
– SomeRandomUser00
Because Priorities
"Playing with phone, cutting me off mid-sentence, saying one word responses like 'ok', 'cool', 'nice.'"
– globroc
These Redditors prefer dating someone who doesn't have kids.
Unexpected Company
"she brings her 3 kids that she failed to tell me about."
– TrailerParkPrepper
"Or bringing 23 relatives to test their generosity."
– color178924
No Single Moms Please
"Yep, it happened more than once. I am a childfree man, and they knew before the date. For the first date, I always prefer a short coffee meet."
"If it is one on one, I cover the bill. When they brought the kids, I always told the waitor to split the bill."
"They always got pissy, were offended, and of course, when I told them that I am not interested, since they knew that I did not date single mothers, they showed their true colours. Vile, toxic, and very vengeful, too."
"It explained why they were single mothers and why those kids were f'ked."
"I tried dating single mothers. 5 times to be exact. It never ended well, and it was never because of the kids."
"3 times they returned to the ex, and twice I was a placeholder holder for the guy they wanted to date, and they waited until he was available."
"I am done getting attached to the kids just to get f'ked over."
"Massive deal breaker now are the kids."
"They also always wanted to get back together with me. After, surprise, surprise, did not work out with the guys they chose. The typical, without fail, manipulation tactic was using their kids, how they miss me, ask about me, and the walk down the memory lane, about nice times we had."
"I always told them they should have thought about it when they decided to break up with me and to never contact me again. I was called a heartless -shole who would die alone because I didn't allow them to manipulate me, and their bullsh*t left me cold."
– The_Story_Builder
Not Part Of The Deal
"Kids are my deal breaker too. I am not about to be a stepmother and I am not interested in dating someone who has kids ... I just don't want it. People should disclose before a first date that they have children.. I just think it's common sense imo. Not everyone wants to be a step-parent."
– kathyanne38
My first date dealbreaker was embarrassingly shallow, but here goes.
Years ago before the advent of Grindr, I met up with a guy I've been chatting with on match.com.
He was a tennis player. Really good-looking, tall dude. We met up for coffee and had a great conversation. Because we were hitting it off, we decided to continue our first date by taking a walk through Washington Square Park since it was a beautiful day and we were right there.
On the way there, I noticed he kept leaning into me as we were walking. I asked him sarcastically if he was trying to nudge me in the direction of his apartment.
That wasn't it. He nervously laughed and told me his left leg was slightly shorter than the other leg, which caused him to walk diagonally sometimes as his weight wasn't equally distributed in his gait.
There was no second date. I know. I loathe myself for having been that vapid at the time.