It's Over: Why People Instantly Fell Out Of Love With Their Crush
A Redditor asked: 'What killed your feelings for someone you were once madly in love with?'
Relationships are meant to be fun, and having a crush can feel so dreamy in a way, but there are reasons for relationships to end and crushes to dissolve.
Those reasons are absolutely valid, but some of them are also really terrible to think about.
A Redditor who has since deleted their account asked:
"What killed your feelings for someone you were once madly in love with?"
All For Convenience
"He just didn't seem to actually give a s**t about me, unless I was doing something for him or making his life easier."
- Foreveragu
The Biggest Ick
"When he left me for someone half my age. By the way, I was 29 years old."
- delusionallinkedchic
No Needs Met
"He stopped meeting my needs. I noticed he would bend over backwards for anyone else but neglected me all the time. Any small thing I asked was just too much."
"If he did ask me if I wanted anything from the store, etc., he would come back with everything everyone else asked for and he would forget mine. He peed on the toilet seat so many times and refused to be considerate and wipe after use..."
"The final straw was when I lost my brother recently. He just left me to grieve and didn't really give me any emotional support, no hugs, no asking if I'm alright. He became irritable and moody and now I've just lost whatever was left."
- velvetcharlotte
Their Smallest Fan
"Their constant daily criticism of everything I do, every little thing!"
- jay105000
The Unfaithful Partner
"She cheated on me with a married man. I cried and said I thought we were going to get married someday."
"She said, 'I was NEVER going to marry you!'"
"Nice way to kick someone when they're down..."
- Weary_Boat
Too Humbling of an Experience
"She said, 'I'm just... better than you.'"
"That was said to me the night after I finished my first degree in music. Apparently, I wasn't a 'hard science' major, so all her friends convinced her that I wasn't as good as them... or her."
"Ah well. Could have been worse."
- ThePencilRain
Not In Sickness, Just Health
"He treated my like s**t while I was going through cancer treatment."
- Multipass08
In Love With Being Chased
"In secondary school, I had a crush on a close friend, we were close as friends but nothing more. I eventually (after probably four years of showing hints, getting her gifts, and asking her out to meals and dates) told her exactly how I felt, and asked her how she felt."
"She knew already, but she wanted me to keep trying. She didn't want to be with me, she enjoyed having someone follow her around and dote on her. She then proceeded to have a relationship with every bloke in a friendship group."
"Not gonna lie, I was broken for a good while, but several relationships later, I haven't spoken to her in several years, but keep up with our old friend groups. According to them, she is desperately lonely after doing this with several other guys and now no one wants anything to do with her..."
"But yeah, being told she knew and that nothing was going to change killed all sorts of feelings in me for a long time."
- Practical_Junket8195
The One Who Projects
"The lying, cheating, and stealing."
"Plus all the accusations against me cheating and lying. And false allegations when I didn't react to the drama. Physically and emotionally abusive but I'm the male so no one cares."
"That kind of does it. It's sad, to be honest."
- Encased_in_Gold
So, So True
"Loss of trust does it every time. There can be no love without trust."
- mkwas343
Desperate for Love
"Awareness of my own false overhyped perception of her and realized that I have been overlooking her flaws because I was desperate to be with someone."
- ZenMyst
Disloyal and Unsupportive: A Classic Combination
"He cheated on me and told me it's not his problem so I should solve it alone and come back to him once I let go of things. Left him the next day."
- Buttercup0616
The Lack of Respect
"The put-downs, the insults disguised as jokes, constant derision, threats of cheating, laziness, greed, not caring about what they look like (wanting you to be in tip-top shape all the time, while they gain and get heavier and heavier)."
"They look down on you, treat you like a child or worse. Treated like a servant... or a slave. I could just carry on, but I could just give a few examples of my own experience. But you've read my rant long enough to get what I am saying."
- Background_Break2616
Absolutely No Excuse
"Subtle racist remarks that snowballed into blatant racism. Hopefully they have changed for the better."
- ThreeOneThirdMan
Not As a Second Option
"She said no and then came back a few days later saying actually yes, why not."
"Yeah no, you had one chance baby and you blew it."
- Maaaaaath
It's clear why these relationships ended. While it's nice for relationships to work out, a person shouldn't stay with it just for the sake of having a relationship, and these are great examples of why.
People Share Their Biggest Relationship Dealbreakers That May Seem Trivial To Most People
Reddit User imthejavafox asked: 'What's a dealbreaker for you in a relationship that might not be a big deal to others?'
In any relationship, especially romantic ones, there are dealbreakers. A quality or action the other person does that irks you so much, you don't want to be with that person anymore.
They can be big things. Perhaps you're a homebody, but your partner wants to travel. Or you disagree on your stances about kids or pets.
However, other times, it can be more minor things; things that may not bother most people. For example, my dealbreaker for my last boyfriend was that he could never let commercials play out during a TV show or movie. Once the commercials started, he had to switch the channel and watch something else, even though he then risked missing the other show.
This isn't something that bothers everyone, and seems minor, but it is a dealbreaker for me.
Redditors have their own relationship dealbreakers that they know would seem trivial to most others, and they are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor imthejavafox asked:
"What's a dealbreaker for you in a relationship that might not be a big deal to others?"
Reset Please
"Stopping the microwave before zero and not clearing the time."
– Ilostmypassword43
"I completely get stopping the microwave before the beep, I do that too. But just push stop a second time to clear the display/bring the clock back up. Super simple fix!"
– QuelynD
That's Pretty Specific
"If someone tells me they don’t mind giving my grandmother a ride to Bingo but then hours later they’re nowhere to be found and eventually you get a call from the cops that they were caught doing meth behind a Burger King."
– 6byfour
"Yeah I hate that"
– Dirtylittletryhard
"If I had a nickel for every time...."
– Yourcriticismiswrong
"You'd have two nickels. Which isn't that many really, but it's odd it happened twice."
– NitrokoffTheGhost
Yeah, That's Gross
"Chewing with mouth open."
– RetractionPodcast
"I have misophonia and chewing sounds are so incredibly stressful to hear."
– treefrogbc
I'm In The Car!
"bad driving. if you're texting, driving like a maniac, or having a road rage hissy fit while i'm in the car, count me OUT son"
– botticellibabyy
"I actually made my now ex-boyfriend take driving lessons (he’s 40 btw) before I would get back in the car with him. He was an aggressive and fidgety driver."
– BronxBelle
Do It Together
"Incompatible hobbies. We don't need to have the same hobbies but, as an example, if they're the type of active people who act as if they may die if they breathe indoors air, then we are not compatible."
– sachiko468
Yeah, That's Weird
"My ex used to go up to strangers at the grocery store and ask their opinion on random items. So that."
"He didn’t actually have questions, he just liked the attention"
– Mirrorflute88
Speak Like An Adult
"I found out recently that baby talk is a deal breaker for me. Dude speaks 3 languages and he said "peeez" instead of "please" too many times and it just made him unattractive to me."
– NuttyBoButty
"I had an ex (first longterm partner ever, dated over a year) who wanted me to babytalk them. First it was just wanting to put their head in my lap in public (mortifying), then wanting praise for everything they checked off in their bullet journal (okay), and then it was "can you pet my hair and talk to me like you're soothing a baby puppy?" And I was like. Yknow, actually, no. I think they run an MCU-themed affirmations blog now."
– graccha
Never On Time
"Consistent lateness. Everybody is late once in a while because life, but when you have those people who are constantly late for everything, and they leave you waiting for them over and over and over again? I just find it so incredibly disrespectful and it’s a huge deal breaker."
– Joygernaut
"Or when you are together with a person who's always late, and because of them you are now late from everything as well. All social gatherings, dinner dates, apppintnents, where ever you are going together. My ex got ready to leave but then started a few more "quick" projects to do, whilst I was in panic checking the time and begging him to come to the car already. Really bad match, I have some trauma for being late so I literally did have a panic attack if we were about to be late, but for him it wasn't a big deal and he never understood why I made a scene of it."
– Sentient_Dream
Low Key Nights Can Be Fun Too
"Being an annoying extrovert. If you have to be around groups of people every day and every weekend and like to go to the bar to drink every chance you get AND if you talk too much, we’re not going to work out. I’m an introvert and a homebody that likes to keep things low key and we should enjoy each other’s company without having to talk all the time to fill the air. Luckily, my spouse is an introvert like me so we mesh well."
– pwa09
"Haha same I'm like you ever heard of a video game????"
– ParadiceSC2
A Little Respect
"Not respecting boundaries. Like “don’t tickle me…I hate it!” Them, “but it’s so funny…lighten up!”"
– dodoatsandwiggets
"God I hate this. My brother just couldn’t understand the concept of me asking him to stop doing something for no other reason than I don’t like it/it bothers me. Like do you respect me? Why would you want someone you respect to endure something like that if there is no need..?"
– Tiggerhoods
My Horoscope Says...
"People who base their entire life and personality off zodiac signs"
– Sir_f*ckaru
Ewww!
"Not washing their hands after eating with their hands….Licking their fingers and wiping it off on their clothes thinking that’s "clean enough….""
"Yeah i really hate dirty hands"
– Extension-Badger-958
"I had met a cute guy, first date went great. Second date he asked me to the movies. We ordered popcorn (with butter) and he went to town on it, licking all the butter off his fingers. Then proceeded to put his hand on my thigh and trying to hold my hand. I’ve never gotten the ick and been so repulsed in such a short amount of time. It’s a bummer because otherwise he had a really clean cut/great hygiene but I just couldn’t move forward haha"
– zuis0804
My Pets Are My Family
"If they don't like animals, it's an absolute deal breaker."
– SageyPhantomhive
"I dated a guy that would say your f*cking cat when he would come over but he wasn't being funny. He hated my cat. I couldn't trust him around her. I ended it quickly with him."
– Icy-Supermarket-6932
On The Other Hand...
"Also the opposite... Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountain top? Why not post that?"
– horsewangjackson
"This one hits close to home. Dated and loved this girl for a year and she wouldn’t even let me post a pic of us dressed up nice to go to my friends wedding. Felt like she was hiding me from someone."
– lugubriouspandas
I have to agree with both of those!
Everybody wants a happy ending in life.
A happy love story ending that is.
But it may take longer to find than we'd like.
And we have to have standards and lines that are not crossable.
Know your boundaries.
Be able to say...
"That is my limit."
Redditor arbetarbladet wanted to hear about the reasons people will leave the search for love behind.
They asked:
"What's a dealbreaker when it comes to dating?"
Draw a line in the sand and stick to it.
Start
I Mean Episode 18 GIF by FriendsGiphy"They don't initiate ANYTHING such as dates or intimacy."
Blackcore8
Obsessed
"The date being obsessed with themselves or continually talking about their ex partners."
LMcGenius
"Went on a date many years ago. This was one of my first dates after my wife left me. On this date the woman kept asking about my ex. Probably half of her questions were about the ex."
"Naturally I answered her questions but always tried to move the conversation back to me, her, whatever. Next day she texts and says she didn't think I was ready to date, that I was clearly still in love with my ex because I kept talking about her on our date."
BigPorter
Fixer Upper
"A ‘fix me’ person. I will support you to be your best. But I am not responsible to fix you."
nadanope11
"I think what’s even worse is when they treat you like you’re the fix-me-up. It’s very condescending and humiliating. That’s more of a pet relationship."
sebastianbass740
"I have a bad habit of picking partners who need fixing, it's unconscious really, but it's happened often enough to be an obvious pattern. And even as a person who sought out this trait, dealing with a person who needs to be fixed is exhausting."
L0vely_lacy
Blocked him fully...
"When u notice that they want to change you into ways they like more, subtle hints at start but progressively they get more ballsy."
Draxxony
"I dated a guy who saw me as a lump of clay he could mold to his liking. I told him repeatedly that I was uninterested in attending grad school despite getting great fellowships because I got the job I thought I needed graduate school for."
"He sat me down and told me he could leverage some of his connections to get me into a good program, I told him absolutely not and that I didn't need his help, that I had gotten into good programs,, and he ignored me and just kept on with his pitch. I broke things off directly after this and he vetoed and said he didn't agree so we were still together. Blocked him fully."
SahmiSahm
BRUSH!!
teeth brushing GIF by Michelle PorucznikGiphy"Not brushing your teeth/poor dental hygiene on a regular basis."
Ohyeahimoverhereyeah
Teeth are the key to life.
Stench
spray odor GIFGiphy"Old body odor stank."
Beavshak
"People need to realize that just because you don't smell it doesn't mean other people don't smell it. It's the same sh*t a smoker thinks."
DesperateTall
Earther...
"Flat Earther."
karmaredemption
"I just recently dated a Flat Earther! Didn’t find out until a few months in. Also didn’t find out about his ex being pregnant with his baby several months in, that was the dealbreaker for me but I should have stopped at Flat Earther."
Merskeet
"Or Young Earther."
"A couple years ago I dated a guy for a month before learning that he believed the world was just 6000 years old. The day I learned that, I showed up at the house of my biologist friends who had just been ranting about their college students who didn't 'believe' in evolution. I set down the beer and backpack I was holding and said, 'Guys, he's a Young Earther.' Took them a second to sort it out, and then we all collapsed with laugher. I broke up with him within the week."
firsttimetexan
RAGE!!
"A bad temper."
alval98
"My stepfather had a bad temper. Never violent, but I could never understand why my mother married him. Never date, much less marry someone with a bad temper."
MissNightTerrors
Not a Weapon
"Using their mental illness as part of their identity. No attempt to truly address it and leverage their illness to guilt others."
Toogern
"It's maybe not the best thing to talk about during a first date. But it's the kind of thing I would want my date to know beforehand. I'd rather be told that she's not interested because of my mental illness than not telling her and letting her discover this side of me."
OnTheDevilsGrave
Adults Only
Gary Coleman 80S GIFGiphy"As someone who doesn't want children, dating someone who does is a dealbreaker. Suffered a couple broken hearts over having to make this decision."
_JazminBianca
"This is so important! And, to add, believe someone when they say they don't want kids. Don't take it to mean that they don't want them right now, or any time soon. If they firmly don't want children, that's not likely to change."
pspisy
Deals to the self are important. Stay true...
"That's a deal breaker, ladies!"
A line memorably uttered by Jenna Maroney during a sketch written by Liz Lemon on the fictional sketch comedy show TGS on the legendary sitcom 30 Rock.
The "deal breakers" in question were red flags women noticed in men which made them unsuitable to be romantic partners.
Heightened and extreme as the sketch was, it wasn't so far fetched from reality, as just about everyone has a deal breaker when finding their soulmate.
Be it smoking, excessive gambling, obsessions with sports and/or shopping, people often look out for things they don't want to deal with, or compete with, in a relationship.
"What’s the biggest dealbreaker in a relationship in your opinion?"
Ultimatums
"When she/he makes you choose between them and your family."- Sheriff_Disko
rachel cruze whatever GIF by Ramsey SolutionsGiphyKindness. Shouldn't Be So Hard...
"Not being nice to animals."- _Picklesandpotatoes_
"Abuse of any kind."- TeamGodzilla
No Monogamy? No Deal!
"Abuse of any kind and infidelity."- Knighthawk235
"Cheating."
"Emotional, physical .. any kind."
"This is only if both parties have agreed to be exclusive and monogamous."
"If they’re poly and have communicated it beforehand, that’s perfectly alright though."
"I OBVIOUSLY don’t mean cheating is ok if you’re poly, just that the rules are different."- Zeph-11
"If they are married is a biggie for me."- HouseDog2020
Music Video Beyonce GIFGiphyNothing But The Truth
"Pathological lying."- Frosty033
Failure To Launch...
"Their parents make decisions for them."- kiwilemonbee
Lack Of Investment
"That the other person doesn't really want to be in the relationship."
"It takes two people working together to keep a relationship going, but once one of them decides they don't want to be there, it's either effective or actually over."
"You can try all you want, but the relationship will never reach liftoff."
"This seems obvious, but in my experience, it's pretty common for people to just coast in neutral in their relationships."
"The other person does all the work until they decide they can't take it anymore and THEY have to do the breaking up."
"When the Mr./Ms. Neutral Gear either checked out long before or never even checked in."- zazzlekdazzle
Uneven Playing Field
"When one feels to compromise a lot more than the other(s) to keep the relationship going."- Lambda_Settings
trying season 4 GIF by OutlanderGiphyEveryone should be adaptable and open to evolving.
Even so, everyone has things in their life that they simply can't tolerate, or even shouldn't have to tolerate.
Few would argue that it's better to avoid a problematic relationship early, rather than endure months, or years, of unhappiness.
The path to finding a romantic partner is littered with landmines.
As they are invisible, they are easily detonated. People may inadvertently tread on one of your personal emotional landmines, and that's it. It's over.
Or sometimes they just live in a field of landmines.
u/_CAD3_ asked:
What makes you immediately lose romantic interest in someone?
Here were some of the answers.
Hogging All The Sympathy
If they constantly make you feel bad for them. Felt so bad and was so worried about him for so long that the one time I needed the emotion I couldn't have it.
It Doesn't Make You Cool
If they say the words "I know I'm an *sshole/b**ch". Like okay I'll take your word for it. Also if it becomes apparent that they have no self-awareness.
C'mon, Brittany
Ghosting you then suddenly popping up out of the blue when they want attention. Yes Brittany I know what is happening when you call me, you're scraping the bottom of the barrel and I resent being the bottom.
You're A Grown Adult
Doing dumb things and should know better. We had a new guy join our Friday social group. Very nice guy. Attractive. At the bar, he took his old gum out of his mouth and stuck it to the bottom of the table. Really? So trashy.
Oddly Specific
If they ask how many cavities I have had throughout my life and then check my mouth like they're buying a horse.
Edit: so a little story to go with it, I was working in a food distribution facility, in the produce department picking orders. She was an office worker, sales rep. She was a Chinese girl that managed all the Chinese accounts because she was the only one that can communicate with them and put their orders in properly, a tall leggy young woman. I had been to her place for a few friendly Gatherings with her friends, no other co-workers. We decided to go out to dinner end through conversation at dinner we ended up at dentist and Dentistry. That's when she asked the question about my cavities. I explained that I had cavity prone teeth with weak enamel. That's when she wanted to see inside my mouth. She even said the word "open" when she couldn't get a good look at the molars on the top row. In my mind I think she was assessing the financial cost of taking me on as a boyfriend. After that exchange though, for me it was friends only.
More Time Outside Your Own Head
Selfishness. I am very considerate of others and I am slowly learning that I think I need someone that is too.
Anything? Bueller?
When they have seemingly no opinion, no voice. When every answer is "I don't care" or "I don't know." Like Jesus Christ I'm trying to find out what you like so that we can talk. Gimme something!
A Grossout Process
Chewing tobacco. I'm also not a fan of smoking, but it's not necessarily an instant deal breaker like chewing tobacco is. The truth is, I have seen too many men who would sit there and chew tobacco and then spit it into an empty Dr. Pepper bottle, and it grosses me out more than I can express.
People Explain The Worst Thing That's Ever Happened To Them On Their Birthday
Where Are Your Nice Cars?
Went out with a guy once who talked 90% of the time, 85% of that being about how much money he had made, how much he spent on his now ex wife, all the nice cars he had... I picked HIM up because he didn't have a ride to meet up. He was legitimately confused why I didn't want to spend the night with him when I went to drop him off. Never saw him ever again.
Once Again, Weirdly Specific
Telling me who I can or can't be friends with. Screams insecurity, and raises the question of why I shouldn't be friends with them. If they were my friends from before, why are you trying to get me to cut ties? If they are your friends from before, what have you told them that you don't want them to tell me about?
Constantly comparing me to your ex. I'm not them. If you want me to be them, break up with me and get back together with them.
Trying to change me because it's "sexier". No, I will not start smoking because you think it's hot. Sorry.
Not being able to take no for an answer, even with little things. If they don't listen when you say you don't want to eat x because you don't like it/are allergic/aren't in the mood for it, what makes you think your opinion is going to matter later with bigger things?