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The Best Pickup Lines Of All Time

A Redditor asked: 'what's the best pickup line of all time?'

shallow photography of man hugging woman outdoors
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

When it comes to flirting, everyone has their preferences of how they like to be flirted with. Some people like cleverly crafted pickup lines.

I always thought pickup lines were a cheap way to get someone's attention. That being said, there are some good ones out there. I've been on the receiving end of both. "On a scale from one to America, how free are you tonight?" and, "You must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you."

Both got me to engage in conversation, and I even dated the guy who used the first one for a while.

I'm not the only one that knows some good pickup lines. Redditors have both heard and used some pickup lines and are eager to share their favorites.

It all started when Redditor Sauce_Dealer420 asked:

"What's the best pickup line of all time?"

Read It And See

"You put the sexy in dyslexic."

– koookyko

"This made me laugh so hard."

"Because I can read properly."

– TappedIn2111

I'm Hooked

"This girl I used to work with and I went to a bar after work and we’re having fun, and she leans over to tell me a joke. And she says:"

"Three boy mice and a girl mouse were all stuck in a room with no doors and no windows. One of the boy mice asked the girl mouse how to get out and she said, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"The next day, he is gone. The second boy mouse asks the girl mouse how he got out and she says, “Sleep with me tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning.""

"Next day, he’s gone too."

"So now the girl telling me this joke says to me, “Do you want to know how the last mouse gets out of the box?”

"And I say “yes.""

"And she says, “Sleep with ME tonight, and I’ll tell you in the morning”. All this while staring me in the eyes and smiling."

"I said, “Check please bartender!!""

"I forgot to ask her in the morning, but that was the best pickup line I’ve ever heard."

– reb678

Statistics

"The odds we sleep together are 50% because half of us agree so far."

– AlfheimKitteh

"Math is always super sexy."

– Acceptable-News-6811

Money, Money, Money

"Hey girl, are you the English financial system? Because I'm about to give you a weak pound."

– onemanwolfpack21

"Yo girl, do you know exchange rates? Because Euro 10."

– kkirchhoff

Winner, Winner

""Are you a magician? Cuz every time I look at you, everyone else disappears.""

"This line got me a wife and three kids. 😊"

– PRSHZ

One Liners

"Are you a beaver? Cuz damn."

– Starry_Night-

"If you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple."

– Slainna

"Hi, do you want to go for a ride on a Harley?"

"(My name is Harley) 😁"

– OMNIxvTRIX

No Losers

"If I asked you for a date would the answer to that question be the same as the answer to this question?"

– SchemePale6222

"I got blue screen in my head."

"Explain please."

– TastyToothpasta

"You can't lose. Say no, the answer is yes. Say yes, the answer is also yes."

"Dang sounds kinda creepy writing it out like that. Still clever wordplay though."

– Steeze_Schralper6968

Clever

"My go-to was always:"

"I used to be a history teacher, so I know lots of important dates. Want to help me make another one?"

"A little corny, but it usually worked."

– StuffToday

Refreshing

"That one actually worked with my ex on the first try."

"-Hey, do you like water?"

"-Yes."

"-Then you like me in 70% already."

– azurskyy

Sneaky

"Would you date a complete stranger?"

"If she says “yes” you’re in."

If she says “no.”

“Then allow me to introduce myself.”"

– Blastspark01

Playing Coy

"Once a girl came to me and told there was somebody who thought I was cute."

"I asked her who and she said “Me.""

– evil_boy4life

Prop Lines

"You have to have a handful of limes available to do this:"

"Hold the limes, drop the limes in front of the lucky person. Then say 'Sorry, I'm not very good at pick up limes.'"

– cannibalcats

Egg-cellent

"Best one that worked for me was:"

"Me: How do you like your eggs?"

"Her: Over easy, why?"

"Me: Just making sure I have things right for when I make you breakfast in the morning."

– Radiant_Boss4342

The Best Line

"How you doin?"

– 2x4x93

"There was a time when this was the ONLY line you could use!"

– JohnsLong_Silver

That line would definitely work on me!

The Worst Things Someone Can Say On A First Date

"Reddit user MiloMilkOnDrugs asked: 'What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?'"

A shocked young man cups his face with his hands
Nachristos/Unsplash

Who doesn't love a first date?

The anticipation. The hopes and dreams. The romance.

Even those first-date butterflies are fun.

You're hoping this could be the one.

Or maybe this will just be a lot of fun.

Then you sit down with one another and they open their mouth and BOOM... dating disaster.

Life is ruined. Or maybe you were saved.

Redditor MiloMilkOnDrugs wanted to hear about the conversations that can ruin a romantic time, so they asked:

"What's the worst thing someone can say on a first date?"

Having worked as a waiter as long as I did, I can't tell the things I've overheard without fainting.

I'll just say... sometimes it's okay to stay single.

Promises

Players Association Sport GIF by NBPA Giphy

“'I need you to promise not to tell my wife.'"

FriendNegative6013

Honk Off

"My cousin (F) went on a first date where in the middle of the conversation, her date reached over and squeezed her breast and said 'Honk.'"

"She said 'What on earth do you think you're doing?'"

He said 'I've had quite a lot of success with that move.'"

"There was no second date. My cousin was the girl. I realized from a comment it was ambiguous."

blu3teeth

Circa 2005

"My mother was freshly divorced and we signed her up on a dating website (circa 2005) Helped her take pictures etc..."

"She met this guy online real smart, seems to have his sh*t together, independent, etc..."

"They set a date at a local restaurant they park side by side."

"The moment she greets him he says: WOW I love those big boobs I can't wait to taste them!"

"She 180° stepped back in her Mazda 3 and f**ked the right off this parking lot lol."

mageakeem

Safety First

"Does anyone know you're here?"

Baby-hazell

"It's a safety thing. Sometimes, people let others know where they'll be before meeting a stranger for a date. However for him to ask can be seen as a little creepy like he would be planning to do something to them and would need to know that info so he can figure out how long she'll be gone before the police are called. If that makes sense."

Hachiko75

Previously...

canadian what GIF by CBC Giphy

"I was on a date once, the woman apologized before looking a bit rough because she had just had sex before coming."

REDDIT​

What happened to putting your best foot forward?

My goodness, it's not that hard to at least run a brush through your hair.

Mirror Mirror

"'My ex looks way better than you.'"

Academic_Ingenuity84

"What a coincidence. My ex looks way better than you."

"Maybe they can get together and leave us ugly fools to mope about it together."

LurkerOrHydralisk

Oh Baby

"After pulling her chair out for her, you pet her head then rub her belly saying 'I’m gonna put a baby in here.'"

BuffaloInCahoots

"Ha, can you imagine, being a proper gentleman and then ending with a head pat and belly rub?"

phillmybuttons

"I once had a guy tell me on the first date he wanted to have at least six children. I heard later from his sister he married a woman who was already pregnant with someone else's kid, and he had her pregnant again within the year."

ashoka_akira

Family Dynamics

"'You remind me of my mom.' Bonus points if there is this weird attraction component to it."

Kiunan5

"My partner went on a date with a young woman shortly before we met, he said she repeatedly compared him to her father ('my dad drinks scotch', 'my dad is also bald,' etc). He said no amount of attraction could save the date after that."

Digital_Punk

"Oh God, I'm guilty of this one. It wasn't a date. but I told that to a woman I tried bedding later on. Honestly, she didn't look like my mom i was just shooting my shots at trying to keep her around."

Bobtheguardian22

Be Serious

Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC Network Giphy

"I went to a nice French bistro in the Bay Area, there was a table right behind me and the friend dining. The guy literally said to the girl 'I am the alpha of this relationship.' (in a serious manner). Me and buddy sort of looked at each other while the girl literally burst out laughing, grabbed her bag, and then walked out of the restaurant."

295DVRKSS

It feels like some men have no one to bounce conversation ideas off of.

Or do they really believe what they say?

silhouette photography of couple
Sean Stratton on Unsplash

When it comes to dating, I have my mental checklist. The guy must be kind, intelligent, funny, and a movie buff. He must be adventurous but also doesn't mind a Netflix and Chill date night.

Most of this is similar to the mental checklists other people have. Of course, I can be flexible. If someone is nice and I'm having fun with them, they don't necessarily have to check all the boxes.

However, I have one specific dating restriction that is a dealbreaker regardless of how many boxes the person checks, and that's religion. I've never been a fan, and now I'm an atheist, and I would want my partner to be as well. That's because I want kids, and the last thing I want is for us to argue about how to raise the kids when it comes to religion.

I'm not the only person who has one specific dating restriction. Everyone has that one thing that is a dealbreaker when it comes to a romantic relationship. Redditors certainly do, and they are ready to share.

It all started when Redditor AceofSpadesYT asked:

"What is your most specific restriction when it comes to dating?"

It's Just A Joke!

"No cruel or rude pranks."

– detective_kiara

"I saw a post by someone whose boyfriend "pranked" her by pretending to be dead on the kitchen floor. That is exactly how she had found her previous partner, dead on the kitchen floor, which her current boyfriend knew. He was surprised she dumped him and didn't think it was funny."

– innocuousspeculation

We're (Not) Gonna Party!

"No party people. Nothing wrong with it, I just ain't dealing with that sh*t."

– PlantBasedStangl

"True. I like planning weekend stuff, but it has to be something meaningful - visiting a different city, movie marathon, mountain hike, fancy lunch, all okay. But... clubbing and drinking? How f**king old are we, 19? No thank you, I'm old and have no energy for listening to music I don't like while being surrounded by 50 people that I don't give a single half of a sh*t about."

– PlantBasedStangl

LOL

"Same sense of humor. I have 0 interest sharing physical space with someone who doesn't laugh with me."

– Legendary_Lamb2020

My Ears Are Bleeding!

"I'm a light sleeper. I cannot date a snorer. I can hear snores through ear plugs AND a fan blowing. It's not you, it's me."

– YourLocalOrca

At that point, it does sound like them 😂

– CuriousRedditor98

Funemployed

"Have a f**king job."

– Cuss-Mustard

"Found this difficult when I was funemployed. Was fortunate enough to be able to live off savings for a bit."

"People reacted oddly to it. “But what do you do???”"

"Was dating at the same time and some girls had the same sentiment. “You don’t have a job?”"

"I had a good enough job that I didn’t need one anymore. And one lined up 8 months from then. But there were two girls specifically who treated it as a deal breaker."

– DigNitty

"I had a similar situation. I worked a high-paying job for a few years that demanded a ton of my time and had crazy hours. It burnt me out badly and I lived off of the savings from that job for a while and tried to date now that I actually had free time. I had more money in my bank account during that time than at any other point in my life but so many people were put off by me being funemployed and assumed I was looking to leech. But I guess there’s really no way to know someone's history and hard not to assume. Now I work full-time and have way less money overall but it looks better..."

– Pinsit

Just Breathe

"No smoking. Ever. I'm not kissing an ashtray, or smelling an ashtray. Instant turn off."

–fishfood19

"100% I broke up with an old gf because she started smoking behind my back knowing I’ve got asthma and it was always a hard pass. She thought I was joking but it showed me that she was also untrustworthy."

– Jonowl89

That'll Do It

"I guess my husband restricts my dating."

– HeinousEncephalon

"My wife has the same rule. But the jokes on her, I get around it by dating her!"

– AuralRapist

Prehistoric Love

"Must like dinosaurs."

– Grungeceratops

"That goes without saying."

– Plain_Chacalaca

What's In A Name?

"Cannot have the same name as any of my relatives."

– Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

"My last ex had the same name as my Dad and I reeeeeeaally didn't like it. So, fair."

– severaltalkingducks

Be Polite

"If they’re rude to people they’ll never see again (Waitstaff, cashiers, etc) I’m out."

"I can’t respect anyone who doesn’t respect themselves, and when you’re not polite to people you’re disrespecting yourself."

– OctopusCandleCompany

God Only Knows

"When I was dating, you had to be an atheist. I don't mess with religion. And I genuinely just don't think atheists + religious people work out."

"And I know... There's going to be someone who comments (assuming there are enough upvotes) who says "I worked out with my spouse who's religious and I'm not!" but you're the exception. When it comes to making decisions long-term, how to spend your money, where you think you'll go after you die, not to mention basic morality (!), and if you have children - that's a huge hurdle."

– Lulu_42

"We worked it out. It's absolutely an exception and not the rule. Don't do it if you can avoid it."

– Alcoraiden

Let's Move Tonight (Literally)

"They need to be ok with cold weather."

"I grew up in the north, live in the south, and I'm tolerating it until I can move back north. If someone says they hate the cold it's an instant turn-off because I don't want to drag someone into a climate they hate."

"The same thing also applies to walkability. I want to move somewhere walkable, and I hope to meet someone with that same goal rather than try to talk them into it."

– ThePresidentCantSwim

"Let me know when you find this mythical northern walkable community."

– Partner-Elijah

My Purr-fect Match

"Cat has to approve."

– Possible-Source-2454

Non-Negotiable

"They need to be male. Kind of important."

– RMHaney

"So weird, I want the complete opposite."

– eightvo

Yeah, the male thing is kind of important for me too!

Do you have anything to add? Let us know in the comments.

Dangling legs of two teens
Aedrian/Unsplash

Kissing can be as romantic as it is in the movies.

There's nothing more satisfying than sharing a passionate kiss with a person who has the exact same romantic feelings as you do.

In spite of the unknown future of a relationship, the first physical confirmation of love is still a moment you won't soon forget.

But perhaps what's most memorable is your very first kiss.

People shared their funny stories when Redditor 4_wheels_ specifically asked:

"Where did you have your first kiss?"

Can we get a location please?

On The Up And Up

"Hotel stairwell on my grade 8 school trip to the capital."

"UPDATE: It was with a girl (I am male). In the 80s. We're still great friends."

– NewsboyHank

An Appointment Made

"Dentist office."

– crixy98

"This is not what the doc means when he says 'alrighty, open up!'"

– AestheticCopacetic

Things got hot and heavy.

After Meeting In The Library

"Was about 13 met a 15yo girl at the library after school went home with her and we made out heavily in her bedroom. I remember our mouths were so wide open our teeth would clack together and I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed with such vigor again... Still think of her from time to time."

– Aggressive_Warthog_4

Crazy In Love

"In a psych ward when I was 13! A 14 year old girl in the ward with me told me I was cute and asked if I wanted to kiss…I figured why not, LOL"

– feslan

"What happens in the psych ward stays in the psych ward."

– Accomplished_Pen5755

Getting Cozy

"My Honda civic at 19 years old parked out her place."

– ScoobyDooStoned

"You guys parked next to each other?"

– rightcow9vpaperclip

It's like magic.

Fresh Memory

"Middle of the night in my childhood playground under the stars. This was like two weeks ago I’m 14 lol"

– Bazoonial

"W sh*t bro, enjoy the childhood while u still got it."

– Heelflipsrsick

"That’s so sweet, it happened for me too like that."

– Pleasant-Pattern-566

Gen X Love

"At the mall like the typical 80s kid that I was."

– LadyoftheHounds

Not everyone's memory of a first kiss resulted in fireworks.

A Miss Match

"On the tennis courts behind the elementary school. I did you wrong, Kelly. I'm sorry. I hope you're doing well."

– nick1158

Peer Pressure

"Playing truth or dare at a party when I was in like 6th grade. It was awkward as f'k.'"

– Cheese_Pancakes

My first kiss was with a girl. (Didn't all closeted gay boys experiment with girls at first?)

I was in sixth grade at my first after school party.

Before my mom came to pick me up, Dorothy, my classmate, wanted to slow dance with me–even though there was no music playing.

I agreed to it, and that was when she grabbed my face and pulled me toward her lips to make out.

Yup, I knew right then and there, I didn't like girls that way and never would.

Closeup of two coffee-filled mugs held by a dating couple.
Jonathan J. Castellon/Unsplash

Finally going out on a date with the person you've been chatting with online is a very exciting yet nerve-wracking first step.

But when you finally meet the person with whom you've developed romantic chemistry online, one of two things can happen–Fireworks or bombs.

In other words, being face-to-face with a prospective love interest for the first time can either confirm your hopes or suspicions about the person whom you know very little about online.

Curious to hear nightmare stories about dating life, Redditor sweet_chick283 asked:

"What's the worst date you've ever been on?"

People and their obsession with their electronic devices is getting out of hand.

Mr. Invisible

"Sat for 15 minutes to hear him talk about himself, work and his future plans, and then as he asked me 'what about you?" his hand went to reach his phone and he starts scrolling. I can't stress this enough, his hand reaches his phone at the same time those words left his mouth. It felt to me like he already decided whatever I am going to say was going to be boring so might as well multitask as I talk."

– dracarysthemdown

Self-Incriminating Date

"Went on a date with a chick that took my phone and put a picture of her on my Snapchat, I got 20 messages almost instantly from chicks that knew her and told me to stay away. She was 2 months pregnant, didn’t tell me till my friends did. That was a wild date for sure. She was very upset."

– ThatBrenon131

The Salesperson

"Tinder date. She pulled out her Ipad and started introducing me various insurance plans she is selling."

– IndigoldWeM

"Oooooh god that's almost as bad as trying to recruit a first date into your MLM line..."

– OP

"I had a date that tried to sell me whole life insurance. She told me before the date to meet her at her office. It was downtown so I thought nothing of it. Then she walks me to her desk and tells me to sign some papers."

– Pissedtuna

Sometimes, dates turn out to be disastrous through no fault of participants.

Things Went Downhill

"I thought I would be a little more adventurous and suggest that we go skiing for a first date. At the time, I lived in the south where the closest ski mountain was 2.5 hours away and it was opening day. It became clear that we probably didn’t click on the drive up, but I figured we’d still have a fun day of skiing. On the first run, maybe 100 yards in, she falls hard and tears her acl, lcl, and mcl. It was a very long and awkward car ride back, and I ended up staying with her for several days after to help care for her since she lived alone and was new to the area. She was a very nice woman, but that was just a lot for a first date."

– houston_g

People were forced to make a run for it.

The Great Escape

"So many bad dates over the years. One of the worst was this guy I met on a dating site. We agreed to go to dinner at a nearby restaurant. Turned out his profile picture really was of himself but it was just a 'few' years old. BS! In person, he straight up looked like Santa Claus on vacation complete with the Hawaiian shirt. I was a little unhappy about that but it wasn’t the end of the world. I thought well maybe he is jolly and fun. That turned out to be a big NO."

"So we ordered dinner and he started talking about ex wife #1. She was a b*tch and crazy. Ex wife #2 was also a b*tch and crazy. Ex wife #3 was a psycho crazy b*tch from hell. He told me ex #3 hit him in the face with a frying pan. He seemed to enjoy my horrified reaction. That was, until I asked what he did he do to her to make her smack him upside the head with said frying pan. Personally, I thought it was an awful date and I couldn’t wait to go home. He ordered dessert. :/"

"mentioned getting home soon and he said We can discuss that later as he was paying for my meal and we were going to enjoy our time together. I waited for a few minutes and politely excused myself to the ladies room. He stood up and watched me go in and was watching me when I came back to the table. It was as if he knew I wanted to bolt out the door. I got my chance when he finally went to the men’s room. I handed the waitress money for my food plus tip and told her I was on a very bad date. I left the restaurant just before he came back from the men’s room. He saw me through the front windows and started screaming like a lunatic. I don’t know what he was saying but I ran to my car!"

– SassyDiva13

Tasks First, Eat Later

"Went out with a guy from POF who lived an hour away from me. (I live in the sticks so this is normal.) I texted him to let him know I was on my way and this dipsh*t proceeded to text me every few minutes to ask me if I was still coming. So much so that I finally had to call him and tell him to stop because I can't text and drive at the same time. In hindsight, I should have turned around and went home right then."

"Finally I get to the place we were meeting. It was a store parking lot. Since we were meeting there and going somewhere else right away, I texted him and said I was there, where are you and he replies insisting I come into the store. He absolutely would NOT come outside to meet me. So I had to spend the first hour of this date following him around an auto parts store while he pawed through every display and bin, not talking to me very much at all."

"Finally he was ready to leave the store and I thought we were going to eat, as we had originally planned. I was starving but he said no, I gotta go return my work uniforms to my old job first. Uhh, okay I guess."

"So we drove in his car to this factory where he parks and says hop out so I can lock my car up. It was cold and rainy so of course he expected me to stand out in it? After like 15 minutes I was like f'k this and I went in the lobby of this place to get out of the rain. For some reason it took this guy 45 more minutes to return his uniforms so I was glad I went into the building to get warm. But apparently this was a huge no-no to him because when he came back out from wherever he went to return this stuff he glared at me like I just dropped trou and took a sh*t in his lap and asked me why I didn't just wait outside. In the cold rain. For almost an hour."

"At last he decided it was time to go to the restaurant. I sat there trying to keep a poker face while he talked to the waitress like he was addressing a toddler, messily stuffed his face and chewed with his mouth open wide and kept glancing around every 30 seconds like he was scared someone was going to see him out with a woman in public."

"Plus he kept asking me invasive and crude sex questions the whole time too. Lovely."

"I quickly inhaled a salad and managed to pay for it at the front without him seeing me, I told him I needed to go to the little girl's room and bounced. Luckily this restaurant was across the highway from the store where I had left my car so I crossed it real quick and blocked him everywhere before I even got the car warmed up."

"I'll betcha a million bucks and a house salad that a**hole was married."

– produkt921

It's unfortunate that people on dating apps aren't always forthright about themselves.

Older Woman

"I wouldn’t say it was the worst but it was the most interesting. Met a lady on a dating app. A Beautiful woman who claimed to be 38 which is my age. I suspected through the pictures she might be in her early 40s. Her profile said she had 3 kids. We talked and she seemed cool. We then met for dinner a week into talking. I could tell she was older but looked younger than she should because of Botox. Within 15 minutes she said she had to tell me the truth because she really likes me. She does not have 3 kids but 6! She is not 38 but 48!"

– bobismymother

The Date That Wasn't A Date But Actually Was A Date

"I didn't even know it was a date."

"Girl I worked with was talking up a breakfast place in a nearby town, and I was like 'that sounds great, let's go this weekend!'"

"We went, I had a great time, the pancakes were amazing, and I had fun hanging out with a work friend outside of work. I thought she had a good time too, she was laughing and fully engaged with the conversation just like normal."

"Like three weeks later, I was talking to another coworker when it all came out that she'd been telling people we went on a terrible date, how I didn't even make a move or flirt or do anything that guys she goes on dates with normally do, and how I even talked about a date with another girl at one point."

"I was flabbergasted, my fat a** genuinely thought we were just a couple of friends getting pancakes."

– SadlyReturndRS

If you're no longer in the dating pool because you found your person, congrats.

There's no doubt you have kissed some frogs along the way to finding true love.

Because if it weren't for all those "horrible dates," you might not be able to appreciate what you've got when the right person comes along.