People Who Cheated On Someone Break Down Why They Really Did It
Reddit user miaah214 asked: 'People who have cheated before, why did you do it?'
When it comes to the dating scene, most of us have a pretty low opinion of people who choose to cheat on their partners, not to mention serial cheaters.
But that doesn't seem to stop some people from doing the deed.
Curious, Redditor miaah214 asked:
"People who have cheated before, why did you do it?"
Revenge Cheat
"He cheated first, and I was young, petty, and thought revenge would make me feel better."
- Witch_on_a_moped
Immature and Selfish
"Unbridled ego, unsatisfying regular sex life, and a girl who threw herself at me."
"I was an idi*t, I acted like an a**hole, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."
"It was a hard truth to face. It was a dark time in my life where my ego and my immaturity caused me to hurt several people I loved."
"Fortunately, I learned from it, and while I can't take back the pain I caused, at least now I know that I am 100% capable of being an a**hole and so can choose not to be one."
- Seba_King
Insecurity
"Insecurity. I was always on the lookout for someone who would make me feel more desirable than the last. It was a serious youthful lack of judgment."
"Once I grew up emotionally, I realized what a piece of s**t I was and the hurt I caused. Hard to live with, to be honest."
- Penfold_for_PM
Just Desire
"100% pure lust. That’s it. I’m not proud of it."
- mydepressingpoems
Lots of Options
"Willing partners. It was amazing how many times when I did have a steady girlfriend that I would suddenly get propositioned by random women or worse yet, my girlfriend's friends or sisters."
"Too many times to be a fluke."
"It was like they figured if you are in a relationship, you're worth pursuing."
"But when I was single, most times I couldn't get a woman's attention."
"So it was an ego boost, but ultimately, I decided to be a better person, and I met a person who I truly thought was 'the one.'"
"And to a certain extent I did, it just didn't last through no fault of my own."
- Patient-Quarter-1684
In Need of Validation
"When you grow up being in turn neglected and told you're not good enough, validation is like a drug, and intimacy is the ultimate validation."
"Sooooo much therapy to undo this."
- RowhammerBitflip
"This. I’m just recently realizing how I didn’t receive enough attention and validation from my parents and how much it’s influenced my choices. Meeting someone and having them be into me physically is the easiest validation boost I can find."
"People who grew up with parents actually interested in them and with an instilled sense of self-confidence don’t know how good they have it."
"I don’t inherently feel important or relevant so I’m always looking for someone to tell me otherwise."
- tellitothemoon
The Thrill of It
"Because I was a f**king a**hole 20-year-old who only thought of himself and getting some action. The high of it."
"I'm 37 now. No cheating since then."
- Temporary_Fault6402
The Real Joy
"My ex was done in the bedroom and even said they were no longer interested in me physically or sexually."
"I should have left at that point, but with kids and the financial hit of divorce, I just looked to fulfill that need."
"I later divorced, and it was a big financial hit, but oh my god, what a relief it was getting out. Getting out of an abusive relationship is where the true pleasure comes from."
- loomdog1
In Need of Attention
"My partner cheated on me shortly after I had his baby. I wanted to leave, but I convinced myself to stay. The logistics of having a baby and 24-hour care are challenging on your own. He refused to have sex with me."
"At some point, someone got me in a weak spot. Somewhere between exhaustion, low self-esteem, and the sheer opportunity of having an orgasm were too strong for me. I’m deeply ashamed."
"Shortly after I picked myself up, the relationship ended. I should have left sooner."
"Someone telling you that you are beautiful, talented, and special after being invisible can feel like a drug. I don’t expect sympathy from anyone for my actions. But I do have a lot of sympathy for others now."
- throwawaythrowyellow
The Easier Option
"Because I chose a cowardly and easy path. Instead of going to therapy and ending my toxic relationship, I cheated on them with someone who I had convinced myself I was in love with and loved me."
"As it turns out, breaking up with someone is a lot less harmful to everyone involved than cheating."
- dodongosbongos
Devastating Choices
"Not me, but a guy friend cheated and the reason he gave was that he loved his fiancée but they had very different sex drives."
"He also said that when he brought it up to her (the difference in their sex drives and the problems it would cause) she begged him not to leave and insisted it wouldn’t be an issue."
"He told her it already WAS an issue and, as a last resort, she said she would understand if SOME DAY he felt the need to look elsewhere…just as long as she never found out."
"The girl admitted to saying all this but explained that she would have said anything for them to stay together in that moment, she didn’t think he’d actually be 'f**ked up enough to cheat' and she never imagined he would do it so soon."
- Dramiotic
The Perfect Combination
"A perfect storm of poor impulse control, untreated mental illness, and boredom."
"People on the moral high ground will tell you not to cheat for reasons like morality and integrity; from the moral low ground, I can tell you that the lifelong guilt, shame, and remorse are not worth it."
- LowCarbBeesechussy
Emotionally Done
"Because the relationship was done and I was already moving on emotionally. I just didn't care about her enough to care whether she was hurt or not. Honestly, in hindsight, I have zero idea why we were still together. It DID make the eventual breakup a lot messier."
"I was young and it taught me an important lesson. If you're done, just be done and leave. There's no point in dragging it out. If you're ready to start looking for another relationship, start by ending the relationship you're already in."
- codefyre
Ready to Make Up for It
"I had a perceived lack of affection. I felt ugly and disgusting and like I was just an emotional tampon."
"I would never do it again. In therapy, I learned a lot about the reasons I did what I did and in all honesty, if she would even entertain the idea of trying again, I’d spend every day making up for it and making sure she felt more love then can be imagined."
"I’m currently fulfilling into the man I know I can be. I just wish it took a more positive trigger in order to start that for me."
- Anthonys455
Let's end it -- the article, that is -- on a lighter note.
The Worst Kind of Cheating
"My wife wasn’t around. The house was empty."
"I couldn’t wait for her to get home, so I watched the next episode without her knowing."
"Honey, if you’re reading this… I’m so sorry."
- six6sickx
"You're a monster."
- Efficient_Ad_8367
It's so hard to imagine what's going on inside someone else's head or why they might choose to do the things that they do, especially if it's something we don't agree with.
It's at least heartening to see that many of these Redditors used these experiences as learning opportunities and have since gone on to treat the most treasured people in their lives a little differently.
The All-Time Worst Excuses People Have Ever Given For Cheating
Reddit user newlymoneyedrapper asked: 'What is the worst excuse you've heard from someone who cheated?'
When it comes to the dating scene, we all know there are going to be rough moments, from awkward dates to being ghosted to heart-shattering breakups. But the thing everyone hopes will never happen is to be cheated on.
After all, if someone has the intention or inclination to cheat, why would they choose to date at all?
Already cringing at the thought, Redditor newlymoneyedrapper asked:
"What is the worst excuse you've heard from someone who cheated?"
Not 'Meant' for Monogamy
"When they get caught, they try to play the 'humans aren't meant to be monogamous' card."
"I'm like, 'If you don't believe in monogamy, why did you even marry in the first place only to cheat later? You could join a free love hippies commune at any time. But that's not what you did...'"
- fepivo6620
Coming Out as Polyamorous
"I know a girl that cheated, and when she was inevitably caught, said she was 'coming out' as polyamorous."
"She was dead serious and fully expected our support and everything."
- fxckfxckgames
"The difference between polyamory and cheating is informed mutual consent among all parties."
"It's not a sexual orientation, you can't just 'come out' as polyamorous. It's something your partner(s) have to know about and (willingly, not coerced) agree to. Otherwise, you're cheating and making excuses for your s**tty behavior."
- spla_ar42
"Lmao (laughing my a** off), get out of here. Actual poly people would know how important communication is beforehand."
"I would have laughed in her stupid, cheating face."
- kosherkitties
So, Grief Is An Aphrodisiac Now?
"She said, 'It was the anniversary of my cousin's death and I wasn't in my right mind. You know how upset I was. Blaming me is classic victim blaming. You should be COMFORTING me!'"
"This was AFTER I offered to stay with her for the night but she said she wanted to be alone."
"I wish I could say I immediately left her, but it took two months and a second cheating incident. That time she said she was upset over a bad grade (seriously)."
"I walked away. And I blocked her. The bizarre part is how she kept trying to contact me for four years after that. She even confronted me in the parking lot on my first day of work, begging me to take her back. Why f**k around so indiscriminately if you want to be with someone?"
"Anyway, I stopped trying to figure her out long ago."
"It was my first relationship (age 15 to 18), and I was a naive fool."
"I'm not jaded now, but I know a h**l of a lot better."
- midnightsonofab***h
"I am sure her cousin would have been very proud of her using his death as an excuse to cheat and then call herself the victim."
- Acceptable-Stay-3166
Everyone Hates Mercury Retrograde
"My ex was very into astrology. She cheated and later blamed the great American eclipse of August 2017."
- henoney389
"SORRY I KEYED YOUR CAR, LOL (LAUGHING OUT LOUD). I'M SUCH AN ASPARAGUS."
- Skwerilleee
"I think you mean the MOON is in GATORADE."
- Zmb7elwa
So Sweet of them
"'I didn’t even enjoy it, because I was thinking about you the whole time, and I felt terrible.”
- fepivo6620
Those Undeniable Needs
"He said, 'You were at the hospital for two weeks. A man has needs."
- Wichita_Falls_Texas
"My girlfriend had a contagious skin infection for several months, and the post-infection management was even longer. We put off sex for about a whole year, and not once did thoughts of cheating occur to me."
"I’m sorry you had to endure that. Not all men are like him."
- Expensive_Presence_4
Growing the Family, and the Relationship
"They said, 'My wife was pregnant, so I wasn't getting any.'"
- tefama5759
"If I remember correctly, pregnancy is the time or one of the times when women are cheated on the most."
- RBNrando
"This breaks my heart."
- LoreGeek
At Least It Didn't "Matter"
"They said, 'It’s not like it meant anything.' Oh good, glad we cleared that up."
- fepivo6620
"Yet you threw our relationship away over it. So what I'm hearing is I mean less than nothing to you."
- LeRuseRenard
Increased... Appreciation
"He really said, 'I’m just on Tinder to confirm that there’s nothing better out there. It helps me appreciate you more.'"
- tivige8195
Getting a Jump on Things
"My previous partner told me that he cheated because he insisted that he 'thought I was going to break up with him anyways,' so he started seeing other women."
"I believe this was just another one of his manipulation tactics to put the blame on ME for his actions. To this day, I cannot fathom the mental gymnastics he had to do to justify his decisions... Lol (laughing out loud)."
- cuteemogirlfriend
"I wonder if he's familiar with the term 'self-fulfilling prophecy'?"
- Browncoat85
"Well, he is now."
- cuteemogirlfriend
Cheat or Be Cheated On
"My last boyfriend said he cheated because he thought I had already cheated. But I did not cheat on him."
"He felt like an a**face when he realized I didn't... But he lowkey still thinks I did."
- _mel-issa
For the Sake of the Relationship
"My college roommate would cheat on his girlfriend a few times a semester, and then feel awful about it and realize how much he loved his girlfriend."
"He started to rationalize that 'you need to cheat to stay faithful.'"
- henoney389
Opportunities to Cheat
"Oh, this thread reminds me of my ex, who was just a complete s**tbag."
"He didn't cheat, but he nearly did, and he told me about it and said 'Hey, I was really drunk and still didn't cheat, everyone around was so so proud of me and said I must really like you. They all thought I did amazing for not cheating on you even though I had a proper chance to do it, so I thought I'd tell you about it.'"
"I just raised my eyebrow at him. I remember that I did hang up on him a few times and told him that it wasn't massively impressive when he was being a d**k. He was very abusive so I couldn't safely leave him, though. If it was safe to do so, I would've dumped his a** right there and then."
"I know he's on Reddit so he'll likely see this, and good riddance because he's a complete t**t. If you see this, you know who you are, and I think you can go to h**l for what you did to me."
- Complete-Mess4054
All About the Rush
"The answer is because cheaters get off on cheating. It gives them a thrill that a 'normal' relationship can't give them."
"This is why I say cheaters will always cheat, because they crave the excitement of it."
"They don't give a s**t about monogamy or non-monogamy; they just find it fun to cheat. They also enjoy chasing after other people who are in relationships because it's more fun for them to chase after someone who's already taken rather than to find someone who's not."
"In other words, they're sociopaths who get off on causing misery to satisfy their own selfish desires."
- MissGrim66
It's clear why these Redditors thought these were the worst explanations for cheating.
Not only do some of them not make sense, but they're a total dismissal of the cheater's accountability in the relationship.
While realizing that a partner you loved was cheating is already bad enough, it seems that receiving a terrible, ingenuine reason for the act would only serve to make it worse.
People Share The First Date Fails That Were Total Deal Breakers
Dating is complicated, because it can be really awkward, but if we want to find a partner, it's an activity we just kind of have to do.
The most frustrating thing about it, though, is that everything can seem to be going fine... until it isn't. The date is going well, the person we're with is charming, we're having a nice time together, but then a dealbreaker makes an unfortunate appearance.
Redditor whitneywestmoreland asked:
"What's something that happened on a first date that made you decide against a second date?"
Not Wowing Enough
"The date felt more like a job interview to fill a position, rather than an actual date. He gave off a vibe of someone who wasn't into getting to know me as a person, but just listed his wants and needs."
"So at the end of the date, he asked how I thought it went, and I said I didn't feel a click or a match."
"And he said yeah and that he was missing that 'wow factor.'"
"So I laughed my a** off (slightly offended) on the car ride home. Gosh, I had no idea I was auditioning for a contest."
"I was happy we only went for drinks, but even that felt a bit too long."
- Selfish_Kitty
Not As Attractive As One Might Think
"He threw a temper tantrum because the restaurant he wanted to go to was closed due to the tropical storm that was going on."
"It's sad because I was having a great time walking around Manhattan while the storm raged. I had every intention of going home with him until he had that tantrum."
- msspider66
Let the Past Go
"I took her to dinner and then took her to a late-night car meet. Upon arriving at the meet, she started s**t with several other girls she had beef with in high school... and hasn’t talked to since high school."
"We were well into our 20s. She was even older than me."
"I don’t get how some people make high school beef their entire personality for years."
- TheThrowawayMouse
Different Senses of Humor
"We went to her place to watch movies and we chose 'Kung Fu Panda 2.' From the moment it began, she proceeded to cackle at every single joke. Anything that could even be perceived as mildly funny set her off like the Wicked Witch of the West."
"I know some people have interesting laughs and that wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't constant from beginning to end."
"After that, she put on 'Iron Man,' and the same thing happened, witch cackling the entire movie."
"There's a point in the movie where a character's phone goes off, and the ringtone is an old 'Iron Man' theme, which made me chuckle."
"She turned to me and said, 'You laugh at all the weirdest parts!'"
"The second the movie was over, I got out of there and did not see her again."
- J-Dizzle42
Quite the Conversationalist
"He said nothing. I get he was nervous but I was engaging. I asked questions that should have led to at least a few sentences of conversation, but no, one-word answers only."
"It was dinner and a movie so our only opportunity to talk was dinner. It was like pulling teeth. No thanks, no second date."
- redditreader_aitafan
Ready to Settle Down
"She kept talking about the 'emergency d**k' she had stashed around the city."
"She was like, 'I've been really busy with [grad] school, but I don't go without. I have plenty of emergency d**k around town.'"
"And when I say she kept going on, I mean she KEPT GOING ON. She was telling me about the two guys downtown, three in the suburbs, one near campus, and two in her apartment complex."
"It honestly sounded like I was new to town and she was giving me a rundown of all the best places to visit."
"It was just weird."
"She also said she was looking to settle down into a relationship (whereas she had only been in situationships before). She also said she had a 'virgin heart.'"
- callmevicious
"I really want to know what she hoped to accomplish by sharing all that with him."
"Clearly, she expected him to be impressed in some way."
- _Halboro_
"It sounds like she wanted him to be her everyday d**k and take her heart virginity!"
- illustrious_ocelot_
In It For the Food
"I went on a date with a woman from the office. I thought we had good chemistry and got along well."
"Later in the date, she couldn't find her phone, so I tried calling it, and someone from the restaurant where we'd had dinner answered."
"I went back in for her to get it, and the waiter showed me I was saved in her contacts as 'Free Food.'"
- Sol-Blackguy
A Terrible Tipper
"He insisted on paying for our dinner instead of going Dutch, and then he totally stiffed the server."
"I tried to leave a tip and he got p**sed at me because he was paying and it was his decision to tip or not."
- Westonworld
Yeah, That... That Would Do It
"He just kept making a weird amount of jokes about tapeworms?"
"Also, this happened while we were eating sushi, just in case anyone was wondering."
- oldfarmhousechutney
Too Close to Home
"This happened to my sister, but she found out the guy had the same uncommon last name as her."
"Then when she asked where he was from, it was the same small town that our great grandparents are from."
"They awkwardly laughed and just immediately ended the date."
- LadderUpset
A Lot to Take In At Once
"She told me that aliens cause jet lag and that I have the ghost of a fisherman following me around named Samuel (on top of the 20 other bats**t things she said at dinner)."
"This was last night, and I'm still processing."
- RVBY1977
Disrespectful From the Very Beginning
"Very recently, a woman asked me when I would get a real career."
"I love what I do. I'm a union stagehand in a major entertainment city. I have been in my industry for over 20 years, toured the country, toured the world, and make a comfortable living."
"Yeah, no. That's pretty demeaning and I'm out."
- azorianmilk
Sixth Grade Gossip Vibes
"She kept writing to her friends on WhatsApp a play-by-play of the date instead of listening to me, so I stood up, paid my dinner, and left because I found it disrespectful as f**k."
- Dune_Asmr
An Accidental Affair
"I went to dinner with a girl who I'd been crushing on for quite some time. It seemed to be going well, and we ended up back at her place, watching a movie or something."
"Out of nowhere, her boyfriend (of whom I was not aware) came back from out of town and stopped in unexpectedly."
"He and I had a super awkward conversation for a few minutes, and then the two of them disappeared into another room for a minute or two."
"She came back and said something to the effect of, 'I don't have a place for you. I'm sorry.'"
"I just kind of got in my car and drove home, with one of the strangest feelings that I'd ever felt."
"At some point, a few minutes into the journey, I couldn't contain myself and busted out laughing."
- Richard_Thickens
We can absolutely understand why these would be causes for no second date. From awkward to straight-up creepy, these don't feel like scenarios that we'd willingly sign up for twice.
One of the most painful things in life has to be the realization that the person you love the most doesn't love you back.
But there are far more hurtful things that they could say, as it turns out, than simply admitting their absence of feelings.
Redditor thomasc16 asked:
"What is something an ex has said that broke you and is etched into your memory?"
Damaged Goods
"'You are damaged goods. Any man who chooses to be with you is doing so as a last resort and not because he actually loves you.'"
- Ok-Roof4820
If Only It Was You
"She said, 'I wish it was you!' when her ex died suddenly. She was cheating on me with him and was planning to leave. Godd**n. Still hurts to remember it."
- jempyre
A Loud Silence
"We used to say 'I love you' to each other, but one day, I said 'I love you,' and all I heard was the loudest silence of my life."
- Lighten_Up_Please
Easy to Forget
"'You're easy to forget about.'"
"We had been together for 14 years. He went to the motocross track after work and forgot to pick me up from surgery to have my gallbladder removed. He dropped me off at the hospital that morning."
- lizzardgizzards
The Deepest Hate
"'I hope that some day you'll hate someone as much as I hate you.'"
- TrailerParkPrepper
No Future Family
"He told me, ‘I feel like you’d be the kind of mother that would neglect their children.'"
- mindlessdreamingxo
Different Experiences
"I dated a girl for seven months, and when we broke up, I asked her what part went wrong, and she just said, 'The entire time.'"
"But hey, at least it wasn’t years in."
- IDontLikeChimneys
Chosen Family is Family
"An ex told me, 'At least my mother wanted me.'"
"I am adopted."
"I called my adopted mom, and she told me to always remember that she chose me."
- cita11
Lack of Attraction
"He said, 'I no longer find you attractive,' after I tearfully asked why we don't have sex or even have any physical touch."
"We'd been married for just over 12 years at that point, and he had gained more weight than I had."
"That was this past November, and I began the divorce in April."
"There was more to it, but that still echoes in my head."
- snippyb***h
Just Too Much
"That I was ‘too much.’ Singing in the car? Too much. Resting my head on his shoulder? Too much."
"I was always ‘too’ something. Too loud, too quiet, too immature, too affectionate, too know-it-all, etc."
"It made me question everything that made me... me. It took (and is still taking) time to realize I shouldn’t change my core self to please someone else."
- awkward_turtle_2121
"If I'm too much, then go find less."
- bonnarooviansoul
Incredible Avoidance
"'Sometimes I wish you would die so I don’t have to deal with us.'"
"I will never forget that. And while there were lots of sorry’s and I never meant it’s, it still stings to think about."
- lifeishard1090
Easy to Cheat
"He said, 'I knew I could cheat on you because I knew you trusted me, and it made it really easy.'"
"From a journal entry I came across: 'How do I even tell X I love f**king strangers more than I even love them, or even like them?'"
"(I looked after he cheated for closure because he consistently lied through his teeth, and I felt I was owed to know why.)"
"There went an eight-year relationship."
- Dangerous_Belt2859
Single Parent Trouble
"She only married me because I was a safe bet for her kids."
"I would have been fine with that in the end, because I still love those kids to this day, but she cheated on me, and I couldn't let that slide, so I ended things."
"One day, they will be old enough to make their own decisions, and I am staying available publicly so they can easily find me when they reach that age. And if they don't, well, I'll just be crushed the rest of the way."
- sregor0280
It's Been Decided
"'I don’t want to be with you anymore and there is nothing you can say to change my mind.'"
"I just heard this on Sunday and man that one hurt because I totally didn’t see it coming. We had a great relationship for three and a half years."
- Yeesusman
It totally makes sense why these were the worst things that these Redditors had ever heard and why they were unable to forget them.
While all people are capable of being hurtful, these comments really go above and beyond.
Nearly everyone of age has gone on at least one date in their lives, and we're here to say that dating is hard, if not also often disappointing.
But in some cases, dating can become so disappointing, we fail to see any reason to continue trying to do it anymore.
One Redditor asked:
"Men who gave up on dating, what happened?"
Feeling Misunderstood
"The only thing lonelier than being alone is being with someone that doesn't understand you."
- Environmental-Low729
Breaking the Ice
"Dating apps suck. And people don't want to get to know each other on them; they want to be entertained."
"'Hello' and 'I see you like [subject]' are considered boring openers."
"And meeting people IRL (in real life) becomes difficult when you work nights and weekends."
- jackfaire
Nowhere to Meet People
"I mean, where do you even go to meet people? The only place I can think of is at the bar. And I don’t really wanna meet someone at the bar."
- SnooDoodles239
"Same, man. I go to the gym daily, the skatepark a lot, and coffee shops to work/draw. In every scenario, it seems like people just don’t want to be approached, either, so I don’t even try anymore."
"And I absolutely hate the idea of having to meet someone at a bar since I don’t even drink."
- EntOak
Third Wheel Vibes
"A lot of men are awful for only seeing women as a pair of t*ts and an @ss, but a lot of women only see men as a wallet. (To clarify, I'm speaking only about the people on the apps, although it might apply to the population in general somewhat.)"
- Smorgas_of_borg
"I made the mistake of downloading Tinder a few months back to get back into the dating game (I'm a lesbian)."
"At least half the profiles were women looking for a third for a threesome with their boyfriend (with no photographs of either, ever), a quarter are bi/pan poly women who have boyfriends and want something on the side (absolutely no shade at poly people, but 100% not for me), and the rest seems to be a charming mix of people for whom the most interesting thing they can say about themselves is that they watch TV series or smoke weed."
"It was the sort of thing I wouldn't be fussed with if I was still 19, but I'm getting too close to thirty for my liking and it's just kinda sad."
- medievals**t
Used to Being Single
"I just live the single life. I mean, I failed in the relationships I had a real chance with due to the myriad of mental issues I now work to manage. The issue is I am getting old and the dating pool just shrinks fast after a certain age, so now I just 'retired' from trying while working on keeping my mental problems from controlling my life."
"In a way, it is liberating. I don't have to try for anyone except myself, so anything I put real effort into is solely for my own enjoyment."
- TrixieLurker
"This is so true. After the last time I invested myself emotionally and it left me wrecked, I just came to the conclusion that I need to be satisfied with myself first. If I'm not happy with myself, I won't be happy with anyone. Or worse, I'd share my worst stuff with others."
- JackieMortez
A Shifting Landscape
"I took some time off to reconsider things after some bad relationships, and by the time I was interested again, the whole dating landscape had changed, and I find the whole thing exhausting. Toss in how the pandemic changed the ways people interact, switching jobs and lifestyles, and there just doesn't seem to be much opportunity for a man like me."
- BonnaroovianSky
Another Part-Time Job
"Dating is like taking on a part-time job. I don't have the time or the energy."
- LeiaBryce
"With very little reward for effort."
- No-Knowledge-8867
"And it costs you money instead of earning it."
- Thats_smurfed_up
Too Expensive
"Being a gay man, looking at the straight dating world sometimes is fascinating and weird."
"The expectation for the man to always pay for the date is such bulls**t, for one thing. I’m such a cheap [c-word], I’m sure I would never f**k anyone if I was straight, lol (laughing out loud). That makes me glad I’m not!"
- panasch
"As a married straight guy, I too look on with horror fascination! I can’t imagine dealing with some of this crap."
"That said, on our first date, I offered to pay, and my now wife said, 'Deal, but I’m paying for the next date.'"
- W0rk3rB
"That's wife material."
- Shazam1269
Mentally Unstimulating
"Every few months I think, 'Yeah, I'll give it a try again,' and pretty much within a week or so, I decide I can't be bothered spending my time having boring conversations."
- fork_that
"Once I started having offensive conversations on dates, I found my now-wife within a month."
"The Bob's Burgers speed dating approach seriously works. When you share the bad stuff that you would absolutely need a potential partner to be able to live with, it makes things a lot easier."
- High_Horse617
The Plain Truth
"No one was interested in me."
- sentientlob0069
"I feel this."
- well-dressed-dogs
Too Old For This
"I'm 38. I really want to date women who are my own age. I feel creepy going up to a 24-year-old. I should have been married 20 years ago with grandchildren right now."
"I want to find someone to try to salvage what life and potential I still have left to maybe build something, but godd**n do they have to make it d**n near impossible. That part of me is in ruins."
- Felarhin
Sacred Solo Time
"To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I was tired of being with someone that robbed me of my solitude while denying me companionship."
- Blue8Delta
An Overwhelming List of Requirements
"I'm just tired. I feel like everyone I date has a laundry list of expectations for me. I just want to be seen as myself and not just 'a guy.'"
- Aggressive_Oil_565
"Have you ever noticed over the years that the list of expectations just keeps growing, and if you don't hit every point on the list, you're not worthy? Like, nine out of ten points doesn't count; it's all or nothing. It's just become so exhausting trying to meet these unrealistic expectations."
- CptGinyu8410
Ten Years' Experience and Advanced Degrees Required
"You know how you go look at job ads and you'll often see a bunch of postings for jobs that require master's degrees, an exhaustive interview process, and then always turn around and offer minimum wage?"
"That's kind of what dating feels like these days. I feel like there's a certain atmosphere of bitterness and low-level hostility between single people in their 30s. After years of effort with no reward, I've decided that I'm done."
- Felarhin
"These days, the dating job market wants you to have a Ph.D."
- MatthewGalloway
The Relationship to End Them All
"I was broken up with by the love of my life a little over a year ago, a relationship which I thought would last a lifetime."
"I don’t have the motivation anymore. I don’t really care about anything anymore, to be honest, lol (laughing out loud)."
- jonsbryhill
"Same here. I can't imagine even thinking of anyone else romantically. It would feel like cheating."
- bo-tvt
This list certainly makes the dating scene sound dismal, and it's really no wonder that some of these Redditors have given up on it for good.
But hopefully, someone will surprise them in the future, and they can happily be with someone without all the negatives features they've mentioned here.