Reasons People's Friends Remain Single That They Don't Have The Heart To Tell Them
Reddit user teekzer asked: 'What is causing your friend to remain single that you don't have the heart to tell them?'
We can all agree that, as fun as it's supposed to be, the dating scene can be really, really hard.
Here's the secret: as hard as the dating scene can be to navigate, some of the trouble lies with us. We may not to be able to find a long-term partner or a date at all because of something that we're doing.
But when a friend is in this situation, it can be really hard to tell them the brutal truth about their dating history.
Redditor teekzer asked:
"What is causing your friend to remain single that you don't have the heart to tell them?"
Chasing Deadends
"He keeps hanging on to the past and spending all his time hanging out with ex-girlfriends who are unavailable, or women who like him but he doesn’t romantically like."
- SqueakySnapdragon
Baby Talk
"I always wondered why she couldn't get a date because she is gorgeous until I saw her flirting with someone."
"The first night they met, flirted, and swapped numbers. Then, she was immediately clingy, talking in a baby voice to him, and making baby noises."
- robocop_robocop
Body Odor
"I can smell them. Everyone can smell them."
- not-read-gud
"You should find a way to tell them, it might hurt but they'll appreciate it."
- iciclesnbdayclothes
The Nice Guy Mindset
"He really is not as nice of a person as he thinks he is."
- Rusti3dp
"The ones who claim this rarely are."
- SummerOfMayhem
Impossible Standards
"The people they like aren’t real. They are idealized, cartoonish caricatures. Now my friend himself has a lot to offer in my opinion, but he is looking for a person who doesn’t exist. Hard to find something that’s not there."
- Sufficient-Spell9935
"I have a friend who started dating his flatmate after being really into her for a while, and then after a week or two said something like, 'Dating you doesn't feel as good as I thought it would,' TO HER."
"He basically torpedoed his own potential relationship because of his own ideal fantasy, and to be honest, I don't know if he actually realized he'd created an unrealistic standard in his own head."
"He's been single for the last decade, his mental health has only got worse in the time I've known him despite therapy, and I think he's probably so detached from 'appropriate dating behavior' at this point that he could be single for the rest of his life."
- fish993
Questionable Humor
"Brother-in-law, not friend. But he makes the same jokes about poop and farts all the time. Like, constantly."
"Yes, some women like potty humor, but they usually also want it to be funny."
"He is also very negative; finds insult or something wrong with any situation."
- EatYourCheckers
Living in Fantasy Land
"He lies to himself about almost everything. He lives in fantasy land."
"He thinks he's in the gym five days a week, eats great, climbs mountains, goes camping, and makes loads of money."
"In reality, he's at the pub five days a week, over eats like s??t, went on one hike in January, can't hold a job, and lives paycheck to paycheck..."
"If you were to confront him with this reality, it wouldn't even get through to him."
- Fit_Yogurtcloset_291
Mismatched Attraction
"The type of guys she claims she likes isn't what she's actually attracted to."
"She keeps saying how much she loves shy introverted sensitive guys but when she finds one and dates him suddenly, she's like, 'He's not outgoing enough, doesn't speak his mind enough, and is too shy!'"
"I kind of think she has this 'I can fix him' syndrome and doesn't really acknowledge it. Like, she's attracted to the idea of a typical shy guy but thinks once they're in a relationship they'll suddenly be more open and turn into the guy she actually wants. That's not how it works!"
- Disig
Poor Self-Esteem
"She is so lovely. So kind, so generous, and so beautiful. But her crippling lack of self-esteem is so huge, it's visible from space, and her anxiety (and I'm 99% sure her undiagnosed ADHD) means that when she's at all nervous, she talks at 100 miles an hour in several directions at once."
"It's like being handed eight happy Labrador puppies to try and hold in your arms. I so badly want her to be happy and feel fulfilled but even I find it tiring sometimes."
- butwhatsmyname
The Negative Attitude
"I have two of these."
"One is the most talented, smartest, wonderful person I know and I wish I could pull the gremlins out of their brain so they could be happy."
"The other is self-fulfilling proficiency f**king up their life. He's not unlovable, or ugly, or uncared for, but walking through the world expecting rejection at all turns and living in a fog of negativity is what makes him unattractive to be around."
"So-and-so isn't hotter than you, that's not the reason they're getting more friends and lovers, but they are more positive and interested than you, and people are attracted to that company."
- cool_username_iguess
Just Pure Arrogance
"For my husband’s friend, it’s the selfish arrogance. I want what I want, and the subtext was that he never cared about what his girlfriend wanted."
"He would only go places he wanted to go, which never included her friends or family. He wanted to spend all his money on 'collectibles' related to sci-fi movies, DVDs, figurines etc."
"Engagement rings were a waste of money, investing, or buying a house ditto, no compromises were possible, he said NO, and no discussions were entertained."
"His opinion on every topic was the correct one, and he was not interested in your opinion, or listening to extra facts he did not know that might change his mind."
"He was once young and good-looking, and he thought he could find someone else when she walked when he was 32. They had dated for close to a decade. During the relationship, he had started to stack on the weight and losing his hair and he was not able to find a replacement."
"Now he is 49 and hasn’t had a girlfriend since. He still has not bought a house and they cost double what they did when they were dating, and his rent has tripled. He does have a copy of all his favorite movies in every format: VHS, DVD, AND BlueRay, a whole bedroom is dedicated to storing them, if you can get in there. His house is a hoarder's paradise."
"He says the reason no one wants him is because he is fat and bald, and it does not help, but it’s not the major turnoff."
"As for his ex, I don't really know what happened to her. She left all of us behind when they broke up. I did hear she got married, but no updates after that. She is a sweetheart, I wish all the good things for her."
- vicki153
Impossible to Move Forward
"Summarizing two types of my single friends:"
"Super successful, smart, funny, and good-looking. They also tend to go for folks who leave them on read for days. Their insecurities are their worst enemies and I think are the biggest factor of them chasing after partners who don’t want to be partners."
"Other friends don’t know how to commit to anything, including a job. It almost feels like a 'it’ll happen when it happens' type of ideology and so they don’t even try to make things happen? They act like things will happen on their own? So they’ll meet a person and then that’s it. Meet cute dead in the water."
- thunderkitty_
Too Desperate
"Desperation. From laughing way too hard at mediocre jokes to bringing up marriage on the first date, she reeks of it."
"We have all tried talking to her about it to no avail. The sad thing is that if she was just her regular funny, smart, relaxed self, then men would be falling over themselves trying to get her number."
- Julia_Sugarbaker123
A Want List
"Her standards are excessively too high. She brings nothing to a relationship. She's a walking contradiction, all of which is why she is single."
"I think it's great to have standards and high standards but hers is just a checklist of wants."
- Theunpolitical
Height Insecurities
"He’s convinced women won’t like him because he’s short. I keep telling him I know plenty of guys just as short as him in great relationships, I’ve dated guys as short as him in the past. He just refuses to believe it."
- MichaSound
"I dated a guy who was four feet, nine inches, and I'm five feet, four inches. He had such an amazing strong personality that you never noticed his height."
"I did find kissing standing up weird; the motions are so different when it's swapped."
"The relationship ended for other reasons than his height."
- lonelyronin1
Alternatively, Open to Feedback
"I had a friend who finally did just ask. He came up to the girls in our group and just let us have an open conversation. I'm sure it was awkward and uncomfortable for him, but we gently laid out some issues. He cut his hair, got some new clothes, and (the big one) started therapy."
"A couple of years later, guess who's got a wife and a wonderful child?"
- Stars-in-the-night
It's so disheartening to see the people we care about unable to have something that they would find so fulfilling like a long-term relationship.
But it's even worse when the reasons behind it are things they could work on, if we only had the guts to tell them or if they were open to hearing it.
Men Reveal Why They've Given Up On Dating Completely
A Redditor asked: 'Men who gave up on dating, what happened?'
Nearly everyone of age has gone on at least one date in their lives, and we're here to say that dating is hard, if not also often disappointing.
But in some cases, dating can become so disappointing, we fail to see any reason to continue trying to do it anymore.
One Redditor asked:
"Men who gave up on dating, what happened?"
Feeling Misunderstood
"The only thing lonelier than being alone is being with someone that doesn't understand you."
- Environmental-Low729
Breaking the Ice
"Dating apps suck. And people don't want to get to know each other on them; they want to be entertained."
"'Hello' and 'I see you like [subject]' are considered boring openers."
"And meeting people IRL (in real life) becomes difficult when you work nights and weekends."
- jackfaire
Nowhere to Meet People
"I mean, where do you even go to meet people? The only place I can think of is at the bar. And I don’t really wanna meet someone at the bar."
- SnooDoodles239
"Same, man. I go to the gym daily, the skatepark a lot, and coffee shops to work/draw. In every scenario, it seems like people just don’t want to be approached, either, so I don’t even try anymore."
"And I absolutely hate the idea of having to meet someone at a bar since I don’t even drink."
- EntOak
Third Wheel Vibes
"A lot of men are awful for only seeing women as a pair of t*ts and an @ss, but a lot of women only see men as a wallet. (To clarify, I'm speaking only about the people on the apps, although it might apply to the population in general somewhat.)"
- Smorgas_of_borg
"I made the mistake of downloading Tinder a few months back to get back into the dating game (I'm a lesbian)."
"At least half the profiles were women looking for a third for a threesome with their boyfriend (with no photographs of either, ever), a quarter are bi/pan poly women who have boyfriends and want something on the side (absolutely no shade at poly people, but 100% not for me), and the rest seems to be a charming mix of people for whom the most interesting thing they can say about themselves is that they watch TV series or smoke weed."
"It was the sort of thing I wouldn't be fussed with if I was still 19, but I'm getting too close to thirty for my liking and it's just kinda sad."
- medievals**t
Used to Being Single
"I just live the single life. I mean, I failed in the relationships I had a real chance with due to the myriad of mental issues I now work to manage. The issue is I am getting old and the dating pool just shrinks fast after a certain age, so now I just 'retired' from trying while working on keeping my mental problems from controlling my life."
"In a way, it is liberating. I don't have to try for anyone except myself, so anything I put real effort into is solely for my own enjoyment."
- TrixieLurker
"This is so true. After the last time I invested myself emotionally and it left me wrecked, I just came to the conclusion that I need to be satisfied with myself first. If I'm not happy with myself, I won't be happy with anyone. Or worse, I'd share my worst stuff with others."
- JackieMortez
A Shifting Landscape
"I took some time off to reconsider things after some bad relationships, and by the time I was interested again, the whole dating landscape had changed, and I find the whole thing exhausting. Toss in how the pandemic changed the ways people interact, switching jobs and lifestyles, and there just doesn't seem to be much opportunity for a man like me."
- BonnaroovianSky
Another Part-Time Job
"Dating is like taking on a part-time job. I don't have the time or the energy."
- LeiaBryce
"With very little reward for effort."
- No-Knowledge-8867
"And it costs you money instead of earning it."
- Thats_smurfed_up
Too Expensive
"Being a gay man, looking at the straight dating world sometimes is fascinating and weird."
"The expectation for the man to always pay for the date is such bulls**t, for one thing. I’m such a cheap [c-word], I’m sure I would never f**k anyone if I was straight, lol (laughing out loud). That makes me glad I’m not!"
- panasch
"As a married straight guy, I too look on with horror fascination! I can’t imagine dealing with some of this crap."
"That said, on our first date, I offered to pay, and my now wife said, 'Deal, but I’m paying for the next date.'"
- W0rk3rB
"That's wife material."
- Shazam1269
Mentally Unstimulating
"Every few months I think, 'Yeah, I'll give it a try again,' and pretty much within a week or so, I decide I can't be bothered spending my time having boring conversations."
- fork_that
"Once I started having offensive conversations on dates, I found my now-wife within a month."
"The Bob's Burgers speed dating approach seriously works. When you share the bad stuff that you would absolutely need a potential partner to be able to live with, it makes things a lot easier."
- High_Horse617
The Plain Truth
"No one was interested in me."
- sentientlob0069
"I feel this."
- well-dressed-dogs
Too Old For This
"I'm 38. I really want to date women who are my own age. I feel creepy going up to a 24-year-old. I should have been married 20 years ago with grandchildren right now."
"I want to find someone to try to salvage what life and potential I still have left to maybe build something, but godd**n do they have to make it d**n near impossible. That part of me is in ruins."
- Felarhin
Sacred Solo Time
"To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I was tired of being with someone that robbed me of my solitude while denying me companionship."
- Blue8Delta
An Overwhelming List of Requirements
"I'm just tired. I feel like everyone I date has a laundry list of expectations for me. I just want to be seen as myself and not just 'a guy.'"
- Aggressive_Oil_565
"Have you ever noticed over the years that the list of expectations just keeps growing, and if you don't hit every point on the list, you're not worthy? Like, nine out of ten points doesn't count; it's all or nothing. It's just become so exhausting trying to meet these unrealistic expectations."
- CptGinyu8410
Ten Years' Experience and Advanced Degrees Required
"You know how you go look at job ads and you'll often see a bunch of postings for jobs that require master's degrees, an exhaustive interview process, and then always turn around and offer minimum wage?"
"That's kind of what dating feels like these days. I feel like there's a certain atmosphere of bitterness and low-level hostility between single people in their 30s. After years of effort with no reward, I've decided that I'm done."
- Felarhin
"These days, the dating job market wants you to have a Ph.D."
- MatthewGalloway
The Relationship to End Them All
"I was broken up with by the love of my life a little over a year ago, a relationship which I thought would last a lifetime."
"I don’t have the motivation anymore. I don’t really care about anything anymore, to be honest, lol (laughing out loud)."
- jonsbryhill
"Same here. I can't imagine even thinking of anyone else romantically. It would feel like cheating."
- bo-tvt
This list certainly makes the dating scene sound dismal, and it's really no wonder that some of these Redditors have given up on it for good.
But hopefully, someone will surprise them in the future, and they can happily be with someone without all the negatives features they've mentioned here.
Dating is never easy, and yet, most still do it. But we have to go through a lot of frogs to find our prince or princess.
Dating is also different for everyone. Sometimes, you meet a person you automatically feel a connection with, you go out, and by the end of the night, you know you found your soulmate. Other times, the person does or says something that makes you think, Nope!
Unfortunately, the latter seems to happen more often than not. Redditors certainly agree, as they all gathered to share their stories of first date events or behaviors that were instant deal breakers.
It all started when Redditor 8vv0 asked:
“What’s an automatic deal-breaker on a first date?”
Server Doesn't Mean Servant
"The way someone acts toward servers can tell you a lot about who they really are. I had a boss who insisted on interviewing me at a restaurant and explained that reasoning to me after giving me the offer. As someone who served for years I can tell you he was correct."
– Shiba_Ichigo
"I once went on a blind-ish date and literally all she talked about was the show “sex and the city”. For an hour. Only stopping to berate the waitress over nothing."
"It was bizarre, and kind of fascinating. At a certain point I thought I was on one of those prank tv shows that were popular at the time."
– EarthDoomProphecy
It's All About Me
"Showing no/barely any interest in me personally. Only talking about themselves and not showing interest when I tell about myself."
– ForgetMeNot01
"100%. When you try to join the 'conversation' & they somehow immediately find a way to use what you say to direct it right back to themselves."
– CrumbledTheCookies
Gross!
"A dude once took his socks off while we watched a movie and started using his fingernails to dig stuff out from under his toenails."
"I was immediately out."
– kittermcgee
"Did he at least invite you to join in?? No? Outrageous!"
– invaderjif
"Yeah, that's third date shit."
– TheGuv69
Be Who You Are
"When they're clearly 20 years older than the pictures they used on the dating app"
– mulans_goat
"That happened to me on one of the very first dates I went on with someone I met online abt 10 years ago. Back then, I didn’t realize that if a dude has one grainy picture of his face and that’s it, he’s hiding something, lol."
"Dude was a cop (bleh), 50+ lbs heavier than his pic and balding, and dumb as fuck. You’re fat and bald, own it dude, don’t pretend to be you from 10 years ago, lol. As soon as he stood up, I thought oh hell no."
"Date was awkward af but dude thought it went so well he could ask for a second one. Nah, bro."
– PistolPetunia
Be There Or Be Square
"Not showing up"
– FastTrack777
"Look at you with your impossible standards."
– Shurdus
"I just imagine some poor guy sitting at a table alone, finishing his meal completely unbothered."
"After paying his check, he looks stone-faced at the vacant chair across from him, and goes off on am 'I don't think this is going to work out' speech."
– SEND_ME_SOCK_PICS
Don't Tell Me What To Eat!
"Choosing my food for me"
– raven_widow
"YES! The only first date I even walked out of was the guy who insisted on ordering for me and refused to believe I don't like avocados (yes, I'm odd, I know!)."
"I was so stunned that I just sat there until the food came, listening to to him talk, then as soon as he insisted I try the food I was not interested in, I left enough cash to cover the check and walked out."
"Edited To Add - I have found my people here! Before this thread I thought I was the only one who didn't like avocados!"
– CreampuffOfLove
"I remember when I was a teen people used to say that the guy should choose the food for the girl, I always thought that was weird af"
– justfantasea19
You Must Be Single
"A wedding ring"
– justanotheruser1788
"I was talking with this woman who was really up-front about wanting to go out for dinner and dancing with me, but she had a wedding ring. I told her that I have a firm policy against dating married women."
"'But I'm your wife,' she said."
"'No exceptions'."
– Philip_Anderer
Nothing's Ruder Than This
"If we’re sharing loaded nachos, and they specifically take all the ones with meat and cheese and stuff, leaving you with just chips. I mean just chips."
"Restaurants should have a rule about that."
– Bing_Bong_the_Archer
Ignorance Upon Ignorance
"He completely out of the blue told me he didn’t believe in birth control"
– pnwpuget
"Went on a first date with a girl that said she couldn't take birth control due to a hormone imbalance and she was allergic to latex. I asked her how she stayed safe and she said 'I'm just really careful'."
"Nope."
– archaelleon
"Good Lord, I would've looked like the Road Runner cartoon where he just blasts through a mountain or something and all you see is the silhouette."
– NotMyRealName814
Four's A Crowd
"Well about a month ago I made plans to meet up for a date with this girl that I was really getting along with."
"Then AFTER the plans were made she calls me and says 'Oh yeah, I should probably tell you that I'm engaged and my fiancee will be joining us... but it's alright, we have an open relationship and he's bringing his girlfriend too'."
– Bluevettes
I’ve never realized how lucky I was to not have any first date horror stories!