People say the darndest things after -- and sometimes during -- lovemaking.
Maybe it's the euphoria.
Maybe it's the adrenaline.
Maybe it's the tequila.
It's always good to have a kind-hearted joke on hand or a generic compliment.
Or maybe just grab your belongings and skedaddle.
Redditor ella-es-julia wanted to hear about the craziest pillow talk stories, so they asked:
"Men of Reddit: What's the weirdest thing a girl said to you after sex?"
The weirdest I ever got was... "What city am I in again?"
Geography matters.
Morbid Much?
In Bed Home GIF
Giphy
"Met girl, went on date, brought girl home, had the sex, finished the sex, laying there she says 'What would you do if I died right now?' and demanded an actual answer."
Vixxay
Meow
"Not to me, but as she walked over to the bathroom after the deed, she said 'I just did your owner' to my cat. Sexiest thing that ever happened to me."
shlanky369
"My Fiancé and I were about to start going at it when the cat appeared from under the bed and stared at me. I went, 'Babe the cat is here. I don't like how he's staring at my boobs."
"Fiancé grabbed the cat and yeeted him into the hallway with the phrase, 'Get out you weird pervert.'"
"The cat proceeded to (without his claws) smack the door over and over again while screaming for a few minutes straight. Pervert."
Trumpet6789
POP!
"'I need you to take me to the hospital. Something is now bleeding and hurts.'"
"Turns out her ovarian cyst popped. We're still together with the running joke of sex so good it put her in the ER."
DasBatt
"Ah ah ah, 2 hemorrhagic cysts ruptured, I was bleeding internally, but only a little bit. I'm still impressed by how quickly you went from a naked sex stupor to being ready and carrying me to the car. Good times."
"In the ER when they asked me what happened all I could do was shout 'we were f**kin!' through my tears. That memory still makes me laugh."
Straystar-626
Damn it's Good
"We were going at it for some time then her face went instantly from 'damn it's good' to full-on crying. I stop, ask her what's wrong and she tells me 'I can't cheat on my boyfriend, it is wrong.'"
"So this is when I learned that the girl that I met on a dating website and that I started seeing 3 weeks before and that she told me she was single had a boyfriend for over 5 years. Got her to talk more, and she told me she was on the dating website to see if there were guys better than her boyfriend so she could end up with someone better."
"This was like 20 years ago, a coworker I have right now knows her (his girlfriend is like a distant relative of hers) and I learned she had 5 different boyfriends since then, cheated on all of them except the last one (for now). She was also a cam model in secret, one of the boyfriends was a high-paying customer."
draftstone
A Binding Contract
"'Pleasure doing sex business with ya.' We then shook hands."
"Still together 5 years later!"
Tatarstan
It's nice when people who have great sex make great partners.
And it all starts with a handshake.
Sleep on It
“'I don’t usually say this but, yeah, you can stay.'"
lennyukdeejay
"Did you high-five after that? Seems like that statement called for it."
EvilNinjaX24
"This is the best one."
TomKhatacourtmayfind
Tiny Dancer
"Not really weird but I slept with this girl while backpacking Asia, she was also a backpacker. After a bit of chillin'/talking, I got up to get dressed, she looked at my flaccid manhood and said 'You're quite shy when you're not excited.' I thought it was hilarious."
fleetwoodsackk
"That's a much better way to put it. My wife, when we were just dating and had moved in together and eventually saw it flaccid just said 'Aww, it's so little.' Thanks, hun, exactly what every guy wants to hear."
striker180
Fine!
"She said 'If I get pregnant I'm keeping it.' I was dumbfounded and when I didn't respond quickly enough she got really agitated like I had hurt her feelings and yelled 'Fine! You don't have to be involved if you don't want to!'"
"We had just met that night. My condom use skyrocketed after that night."
Fullyme
"When I was a poverty-stricken college student I was banging a girl who said, 'If you get me pregnant I’ll take you for everything you own.' I said, 'All I own is my bicycle. You want that?'”
OrwellWasRight101
Amen
"Best weird compliment I ever got was 'Damn boy, you f**k like the Devil!'"
"I married her, we still goin' at it."
BeBearAwareOK
Well, these certainly created some lasting relationships... or hilarious tales to tell their friends.
Do you have any stories to share? Let us know in the comments below.
Curious to hear examples of these, Redditor Michaelrays asked:
"What is something that is way less dangerous than people think it is?"
There's not much to fear about traveling.
Getting From Point A To B
"Public transportation. It’s insanely safe by number of miles traveled and most of the security issues come with too few people using it."
– DeLaRey
Caribbean Vortex
"The Bermuda Triangle, particularly with modern navigation equipment."
– Chairchucker
"Man, I was so stressed about the Bermuda Triangle when I was a kid. It didn't matter I was living thousands of miles away."
– whatissevenbysix
Air Travel
"Flying"
– Ok_Distance9511
"Me with a terrible fear of planes, hoping to god that flying would be the top comment for my own peace. Thank you haha"
– Mojavecowgirl
Statistics Prove...
"It’s crazy because I totally get the statistics and how insanely astronomically unlikely it is to die in a plane crash but I still need a mg of Lorazepam to get on a plane."
– AtG8605
We were so easily influenced as kids.
Avoiding Stomach Cramps
"Swimming after eating - I used to fully believe I would drown in seconds if I didn’t wait a full hour before getting back in the water."
– Kind_Lettuce580
Gimme Something Good To Eat
"Trick or treating on Halloween. Kids are not getting poisoned by candy from strangers."
– Fishercat5000
Ruined Holiday
"You know, I hate this so bad because Halloween is the best holiday."
"It's a community experience, and it all happens with surprisingly little planning or organization. The kids and their parents go out and interact with their community in a very casual way. Something real special about that, we just don't have events where everybody in the neighborhood comes together like this, it's socially healthy to participate in shared experiences with people near you."
"But then the poisoned candy thing comes in - stay home, don't trust your neighbors, don't be social, stay home and be afraid. I hate it, this represents a great deal of what is wrong with everything."
– Catshit-Dogfart
Leaving The Bait
"Leaving your foot hanging out of the bed covers."
– Frozenlime
"Nice try, monster under the bed"
– Aneryn111
Redditors dissect how we view others.
Stranger Danger
"Strangers. Most of the violent crimes you hear happen between acquaintances."
– el_monstruo
"I grew up in the 80s. The message was 'stranger danger' 24/7. Above all: don't get into a car with someone you don't know. Then moving into the internet age, the addendum '...with someone you met online.'"
"Fast forward to today...I summon an Uber to do just that."
– BertramScudder
The Lonely
"People who have no/few friends"
"Most of the time they're either weird, shy, socially awkward, quiet, or simply just prefer to be alone."
– RadiantHC
The Quiet Ones
"Yeah I never understood how kids go from picking on someone for reading rather than disrupting the class to doubling down when they continue to be quiet because most of their social interactions have been bullies. Sometimes quiet is just being unproblematic."
– Industrialpainter89
When I was a kid, roller coasters genuinely freaked the mud outta me.
Watching passengers willingly going on a speeding ride vehicle that makes them scream in terror? I didn't get it.
I avoided riding Space Mountain at Disneyland because I heard it was a roller coaster in the dark. That's even worse.
I finally caved to peer pressure and went on Space Mountain when I was 15, and I fell in love with the ride.
After exiting the attraction building, I was so mad at myself for letting my fear get the best of me, leading me to miss out on all the times I could have ridden the ride when I was tall enough.
Redditor Judgemental_Squirrel wanted to hear about the foods that turn many people's stomachs, so they asked:
"What food aren't you eating even if it was free?"
Cow. Cow tongue. Cow stomach.
Why in the world?
Not that I don't eat steak but... I can't even think about it.
Not even with a free tank...
Sushi Ew GIF by Sealed With A GIFGiphy"Gas station sushi."
kirinmay
"For sushi use the 200-mile rule. If there isn't a body of water where the fish could have been caught recently, it's probably a bad idea. I wouldn't even get fresh sushi in Kansas unless I caught the fish myself."
Bahnd
Just Bland
"Shark fin."
Podzilla07
"I attended a wedding and the family paid for the food at an after-wedding dinner. I didn't know what it was, I didn't learn of the immorality behind it until after, that being said, it wasn't remarkable in any way and is in no way worth what they do to the sharks."
xfocalinx
"Not defending shark fin's soup, it's pretty bad the way it's prepared but where have you been eating it that it's bland? I'm Asian so I've eaten it at a bunch of weddings, its standout feature is how rich it is both in taste and texture."
LoreCriticizer
WHAT?!?!
"I’ve lived in New York my whole life and came to South Carolina for vacation ended up moving down here because I loved the weather. I learned that they apparently LOVE Mayonnaise and BANANA SANDWICHES!!"
"Miss me with that friggin' crap WHAT!?"
Yunloveme
"This is a dying sandwich down here, too. I grew up with them and enjoy them, but it's becoming less common. I think it must have started as a poverty food or something. They are good, though. Sweet and tangy." ~ Ritz527
"Banana and mayonnaise sandwiches came about during the times when food was more scarce (WWII). My grandmother loved them!"
Excusemytootie
Spoiled
"Suspiciously lukewarm milk. I am extremely paranoid about spoiled milk."
Melomius
"The smell of warm/hot milk is disgusting. When I have to make a huge batch of Mac and cheese at the school I work at, I have to wear a mask during the heating up of the milk/butter."
"Nothing like filling up a kitchen with the odor of vomit. Ugh. I refuse to eat Alfredo sauce and NE clam chowder for the same reason."
KitchenWitch021
Sorry Danes
fish GIFGiphy"Lutefisk. No offense to the wonderful people of Sweden/Norway and I genuinely like most other Swedish/Norwegian cuisine but not that."
"Edit- changed from Swedish to Scandinavian to Swedish/Norwegian thanks to the new knowledge about it from helpful Redditors. Apologies to Danes and anyone else who was offended by Lutefisk being labeled as Scandinavian."
HelenAngel
I go back and forth with fish in general, so a fish I can't pronounce... never!
Anything But This!
No No No GIFGiphy"Balut."
DesignerString6620
"On Today’s episode of 'F**k That!'"
"My friend said 'It’s great! Just pop the top off and sprinkle a little salt, drink the soup, and then eat the rest.' No."
omega_frog
"This. I could probably eat damn near everything, everyone else named, but hell no to this! And doing a quick skim, I’d actually probably tried half of the stuff, that’s been posted here."
Eupion
After Effects
"Pickled fish... tapeworms."
"Edit: I probably should have said 'Pickled fish because of tapeworms.' Buying them from a store is probably safe but buying/getting them from a bar or a person may not be. My uncle got tapeworm from pickled Walleye. One of two things need to be done beforehand, 1. bring the meat to 'a temp' (I don't remember) which sterilizes it but doesn't cook it, or 2. freeze for 2 days."
hatchetman208
Bad Harvest
"Edible Birds Nest. The high demand causes the nests to be harvested while still in use resulting in uncountable deaths of chicks and unborn swallows."
CaptainCloudyL
"Nearly all the edible bird's nest on the market is farmed, not harvested wild. Nesting houses are often built in urban areas for the swiftlets to settle in, while wild populations are left relatively untouched."
"The overharvesting you mention was a problem around 2 decades ago when immature nests in caves were destroyed to meet demand, but urban farming today has allowed populations to rebound and stabilize. After all, it's not in the farmers' interests to destroy swiftlet chicks which would become moneymakers for them next season."
LostTheGame42
LOATHING!!
"Liver, I cannot for the life of me get past the horrible taste and the horrible smell, I can't."
mikeyeli
"I tried eating liver before because I read that they’re a good source of iron. I then stopped and would rather take iron pills. I don’t eat any organs food like liver, gizzard, intestine, and all that. Those food are easily found in my country."
mznh
"Hell, yes. I LOATHE any kind of liver and have a special hatred for foie gras. Not only the method is horrible, but the texture is also even more revolting than regular liver."
"And yes, I've tried multiple times, from multiple animals and in every preparation under the sun because a lot of people go 'But you haven't tried it made THIS way.'"
Duochan_Maxwell
Bad Texture
"Gizzards. I'm not a gristle gal at all."
biggesttoot
"I love gizzards but I don't think I would ever call them gristly. Chewy as leather for sure though!"
orangestegosaurus
Lord No!
"Durian."
leafbaker
"Hot garbage fruit. When I was living in China, about 10 meters from my apartment’s entrance there was a durian stand and a stinky tofu stand side by side. Never needed coffee in the morning to wake up properly."
kuridono
Well, my stomach is unsettled.
I'll skip dinner for now.
Do you have anything to add to the list? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor VisibleConfusion12 wanted to hear about what some people's ideas of a good time, so they asked:
"What is something people want to do that you think is actually incredibly stupid?"
I try to keep my activities clean.
But drinking a bottle of vodka a day isn't high on the list of good ideas.
But that's my fun, not yours. ;)
Save your coins...
Throw Away Make It Rain GIFGiphy"Buy that shiny newer version of a thing you already have."
subtect
"Never buy new things until yours is broken or the upgraded version is tangibly superior in ways that matter."
The_Iron_Gunfighter
She lost A LOT of skin...
"Riding a motorcycle without leathers. A million things can happen so fast and there you are, sliding down the pavement leaving a meat schmear."
OkPenis-ist28
"My stepdad, who is a former EMT, was diving on the freeway and a couple on a motorcycle went past him, then got loose or the tire lost traction, they fell and slid in front of him, he slammed the breaks barely missing them."
"Went into EMT mode to help them. They were both wearing helmets at least. The guy was wearing a jacket and pants, Lady was in a tank top and shorts. Needless to say, she lost A LOT of skin!"
ArtRepresentative634
Tell the Truth
"Lying about not eating before any anesthesia procedure, especially outpatient procedure. You can aspirate and die even w a little bite of food or a sip of a drink (a sip of water and meds are usually ok). But go ahead."
Ok-Strawberry5238
"Lying to anesthesia about not using marijuana, crack, cocaine, heroin, meth, amphetamine, chronic pain meds like opiates, wine or alcohol regularly, vaping, cigarettes, benzodiazepines, or other street drugs. You might wake up during surgery because you’re not getting enough sedation. Or worse have a heart attack, respiratory issues, and die. But go ahead."
Ok-Strawberry5238
No Air
"Exploring those small, tight-a** caves. Extremely stupid."
Galooiik
"But just think of the rewards! Deep down at the far reaches, there are dank, nondescript rocks to see! Rocks! No other way to do this other than to visit any other type or part of any cave anywhere."
"Then there's the glory of discovery. You could be the first to know there are more rocks further down. And you could be famous like the great cave explorer... uh.. hmm..."
bad_apiarist
Pet Boundaries
High Five See Ya GIF by Dr. K's Exotic Animal ERGiphy"Own exotic pets like tigers, wolves, bears or chimps."
GooglePixel69
"Venomous snakes. The snake people are both fully aware of how dangerous the snakes are and also overconfident in their ability to handle them."
jittery_raccoon
I love animals. All animals. But I do not wish to have several of them as pets.
Hard No!
No Way Bird GIFGiphy"Forgiving people who are totally unapologetic unchanging abusers. Nope."
Atzkicica
Be Responsible...
"Drive after consuming alcohol. All my friends hate drunk driving and talk about it. They tell their parents that we're smarter than them cuz of Uber... and yet I seem to be the only one in my friend group who refuses to drive after having drinks at a bar/concert/friend's house."
Karneveus
"Someone I know has gotten in 7 accidents in 3 years, 6/7 were caused by drunk drives If you wanna be AWAY from drunk drivers just don’t drive too much at night."
VisibleConfusion12
Think First
"Having sex with no contraception. I've seen too many people having unplanned babies with people they barely know. Bad for the child, the dad, and the mom. Respect yourself and protect your future. Kids are expensive as hell and hard to raise even with 2 devoted parents ask any single parent."
Tiny_Teach_5466
"Agreed."
"Also, using infertility as a method of birth control. All of the infertile people I know who decided to rely on that and not contraception are all parents of unplanned children. Many times 'life, uh, finds a way.'"
paul_rudds_drag_race
Difficulties
"People who think they are smart but are incredibly ignorant and hard to work with but they pursue leading roles."
"So at my job, there is a guy that joined 8 months ago and is still not integrating as they should. They have 20 years of prior experience in a similar field but are totally ignorant mostly."
"Communication with them is hard since their English is broken and half of the talk is arguing since they want to be smart in every meeting."
"Leading people are not seeing this as a problem, he is considered a Senior expert and possibly be given a leading role. I told my superior I am going to leave if that happens."
MegaSUB
But WHY?
Why Me Crying GIF by Team CocoGiphy"Getting an eyeball tattoo. Do whatever the hell you want, just don't come to me crying, because you lost your eyesight. Nah, I don't feel sorry for you, that was your own damn fault!"
TheUnstableSteak
A tattoo where?
What are people thinking?
I have no words.
