The Oath
sir i queue better from a distance yo waddup elessar GIFGiphy"I have sworn an oath of solitude until the pestilence is purged from the lands."
The Box
There's an XKCD for that: https://xkcd.com/2346/
"Haunted plague box" is the best description of a house.
Roll camera...
"I'd love to meet, but I don't want to risk it. Do you want to video chat though?"
Yes oh god. Last year I moved from FL to CA and everyone back in FL wants to come visit. Like id love for everyone to come out but it's just not safe. They ask every few months and it's always the same answer: let's wait until spring next year.
Truth
Truth Reaction GIF by moodmanGiphy"I don't want to meet because I'm scared of Corona." jibsand
Just be upfront yeah. Sometimes I'll indicate it's because I see older relatives often to take the burden off of me a bit.
ZOOM
"Hey, I really want to hang out but I'm worried about the Corona Virus." If they're really your friend they'll respect your opinion. Then maybe suggest doing something like a zoom conversation or online game.
My friends and I meet on Zoom every week now. Sometimes we all start the same movie at the same time, sometimes we play games. We were all learning how to cook a dish together a few weeks ago. There are tons of options to get people together without seeing them in person yet, OP.
never too careful
I work in healthcare. Be cautious. We have regular meetings and emails where our doctors keep us up to date. There's so much we still don't know.
I almost died earlier this year and was (maybe still am) immuno compromised. I've chosen to self isolate as much as possible.
I recently had a coworker acquaintance harrass me about visiting me. She knows my situation but continued to insist it was ok for her to visit. I've never invited her over for various reasons. It got so bad that I had to block her.
My elderly disabled mom tested positive for covid-19 a week later. We aren't sure who infected her and she's currently in isolation. You can never be too careful.
"Be in"
Got a whole friend group who care about each other and want to take the most precautions we can to protect each other. Then there's one guy who's been teaching summer classes for children for the last three months who's always the first to "Be in," and constantly flaunts protections to the point those of us who are taking this seriously can't hang out without excluding him or hurting his feelings.
For Mom
Mothers Day Love GIF by Animation Domination High-DefGiphyI've had to tell my friends several times that despite wanting desperately to hang out with them, that I'm still paranoid about the virus and I don't want to risk getting my mom sick, so I've been staying self isolated.
Looking Back
Learning to advocate for my/your own health was very tough, but the rewards are limitless with effort.
On the few times I've been rebuffed, the response I give is, "I'd rather look back on this and say I'm embarrassed about how I overreacted than wish I hadn't let myself get so sick." That's placated everyone I've used it on.
Cut Ties....
cardi b ok GIF by PepsiGiphyI have cut ties with one friend during the lockdown because of this. She didn't freak out but she got snarky after I turned down her request to meet in a park for a walk. Then she became very weirdly passive-aggressive. I had been having issues with her before the pandemic, and realized I just had no interest in dealing with her weird personality anymore.
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Such as the fact that they don't believe in science or facts. Though they use science to get through their daily lives (internet, transportation, medication, etc.), somehow, part of the population is convinced that the virus is a conspiracy created just to inconvenience them.
We're all familiar with such folks. That's why Redditor u/yenake asked, "What is the dumbest Coronavirus theory you heard from someone?"
20. Follow the money...
That it was invented by anyone. You're a ****ng idiot if you're suggesting people are out here bioengineering diseases in secret and also not selling a cure that works.
I never heard the melanin theory....
I just remember early on when cases were still low there were black people who truly believed they couldn't get it because they have more melanin in their skin...and now the black community unfortunately has some of the most cases so look how that turned out
Reversable masks!
That wearing the mask blue side out protects others, while wearing the white side out protects yourself.
The one thing leaders will cooperate on
That viruses in general don't exist and that Corona was invented to take away fundamental rights in my country. Sure, the countries in the world can never agree on anything, but suddenly they can all work together and fake a global pandemic to take away rights from people in one country.
Viruses aren't homophobic
Hey, remember that priest that said Coronavirus is God's punishment for the gays. And then he caught it.
If he truly believes what he said, the only logical conclusion must be that he's gay.
Everyone needs to wear a mask
That it's a conspiracy to kill off black people by restricting our breathing with the masks, and that all white people are in on it.
Still waiting on that Rapture
In my moms words "Coronavirus was created by the shadow elite and as agents of the devil And bIg pharma they're going to make billions of dollars off the vaccine and the vaccine, which is synonymous with the mark of the beast, will contain bio chips,poison, and gene altering compounds that will fill our bodies with cancer all while making us their slaves and we will suffer for the remainder of our time on earth until the rapture begins and we are sentenced to hell on earth."
Stay away from my knee fluid
That doctors made up Covid-19 so they could steal synovial fluid off people and sell it in the black market. Just a drop of this fluid is worth billions, and all medical staff are out to lie to you ate steal your knee synovial fluid.
The aliens did it
party dancing GIFGiphyMy cousin said that the reason the virus started was due to the space defense system failing to stop an alien from reaching Earth.
Some presidential advice
You should inject yourself with cleaning supplies to ward away covid.
Thanks Donald, that's really helpful. What should if there's a fire? Open all the windows and doors, and wait inside for help?
The world doesn't revolve around you
That it doesn't exist because "I don't know anyone who has it"
I had a few customers say something similar. "I've never met someone that had it." You can imagine their surprise when I said "well, now you have." The responses were everything from incredibly dismissive to revulsion to genuine fear.
Phones aren't even that reliable
Wire inside masks (the one that on certain masks you have to push down to make tighter over your nose) is connected to 5G towers and is making the coronavirus worse. Coworker was dead serious, too.
That's incredible tech if you can get reliable connections from stuff in a 5-pack at the dollar store. Wish Sprint was that reliable.
Spoiler - there's no chip
One of my cousins told me that 5G chips are directly inserted in the masks offered by institutions and you get directly infected by wearing the masks.
I asked him to prove it to me by showing me a 5G chip in one of the masks.
They were a no show
In March my country's health minister basically said that Corona will all blow over by April. When asked what will be different in April, he responded something to the effect of "The messiah will come in April".
Spoiler alert: no messiah. (I could be somewhat foggy on the details.)
Where'd they get that idea?
Coronavirus can spread through in-game voicechat
Had a friend hang up on me when I told her I tested positve
I'll take my chances
some people seriously believe that corona virus can be cured by drinking cow urine
I'd rather take my chances with the virus.
How to lose a crush immediately
A guy I knew and liked told me to my face that 5G towers were giving people Covid. Nothing I said would shift him In that belief. In the end I just told him that was what Flatards would say and he took massive offence. Haven't seen him since
The source does not exist
That 'COVID-19' stands for 'China Originating Viral Infectious Disease - (batch) 19.' WHO confirmed it and everything apparently. No sources available when I asked for them.
Drink your beers in peace
You can get corona from the beer corona people actually believed and tried to ban the beer
If the Corona beer company went out of business because of human stupidity I would literally design a rocket and **** off into space somewhere else.
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to the left
music video beyonce GIFGiphyFor me, I feel like even if there's a vaccine and the virus is wiped out, the world will still be at a loss.
There will always be that feeling or memory of the time when the world shut down and irreplaceable people died.
Caps Off....
Not 100% sure but graduations. My sister had a reduced and socially distant ceremony and after your child's name was called, you were allowed to leave. Do you honestly think that when the restrictions get lifted, people are going to want to sit through all 200+ names?
Sing Out....
Concerts. I love concerts and festivals. I honestly don't know that I will ever go to another one. My anxiety through all this has helped in now being so turned off at the thought of going to a concert.
This hits me hard. I love live music. There's nothing better than going to see a band you love live. But now I know I won't go to concerts in a long time.
Where I live (Finland) there will already be some festivals in August and I'm amazed that some people can go. I don't know how long will it take for me to not feel extremely anxious in crowds again.
Forgotten....
Nothing. We'll forget. Plagues, Spanish Flu, Smallpox, Polio all happened.
I doubt the people who lived through them forgot. Did you forget the great recession? I know I haven't. My grandparents never forgot WWII. My dad never forgot Vietnam. My mom never forgot quaaludes. This will forever change how people interact with strangers.
Too Close....
kid dancing GIFGiphyNightclubs , I don't ever see myself wanting to be around that many people in an enclosed space.
Bad Education....
School.
Yep. We teach in overcrowded germ factories.
And a lot of experienced teachers are retiring this year if they can rather than dealing with this crap, and something like 50% of teachers leave the field entirely within the first 5 years. The overall demographic of teachers is going to shift this year, I think.
Grounded.
People flying for business. I'm a FA so air travel is so different this year. Well tens of thousands airline employees will be furloughed come October and if things go well a good portion will be rehired by next spring. Some airlines won't rehire for years. It could be less if more employees take early retirement. Most of the airlines are expecting a year to three to come back to 2019 levels.
Right now foreign international carriers have laid off or terminated probably just shy of 100k staff. I believe close to 40 airlines have gone bankrupt this year.
People will fly again, they want to get out and vacation, see family and friends they didn't see this year and such. Those coupled with fare deals will encourage more to fly when things calm down, but that isn't working well right now with the resurgence of positive cases.
Visitation
America's reputation.
I can't speak to London but I lived in NYC for a few years. It was great for a young person but I cannot imagine doing it now that I'm older and I have no idea how people raise kids there. No car, no easy shopping, and while mass transit exists it's EXTREMELY slow and the amount of stairs is not to be underestimated, nor is the amount of walking. I would literally walk through the soles of my shoes on a regular basis.
As a younger person I loved going to all kinds of restaurants and bars and museums and stuff, and the cultural scene was amazing - lots of supposedly "amateur" shoes for $5-10 that were incredible. And DAMN, the restaurants. I find myself often thinking of them with genuinely tearful longing. Every kind of cuisine and all of it amazing.
Right now, I imagine it's kind of a second circle of hell, because apartments are TINY and often badly ventilated. The whole point of living there is that you just don't spend that much time actually in your apartment.
No Tongue.
spin dab GIFGiphySpin the bottle.
Instead of kissing we're just going to make finger guns at each other.
"summer break"
Not sure how widespread this is; but, the local universities (US) are starting Fall semester earlier (Aug). Then, when students leave for Thanksgiving break, they do not return until Spring semester starts in Jan. They don't want students to interact with so many people from all over, during the long Thanksgiving weekend; then, return to spread anything.
Plus, those who have to travel far, don't have to return for the short time frame between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Seems like a long-term beneficial shift for all, that should be considered permanent.
Similar to the year-round schooling, the big chunk of "summer break" is slimmed down.
Office Space.
Office Space GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphyWork... Many office jobs will be done remotely.
This. Businesses will see that they no longer need giant buildings and parking structures to support work that basically amounts to a few emails and some excel or word docs.
Valued Time.
I think we'll value the time spent in person with family and friends a whole lot more. I haven't seen my parents or siblings or nieces or nephews since Christmas and likely won't until (if?) this whole thing mercifully ends. I daydream all the time about what it will be like to see them all again. I surely won't be squandering that time distracted by scrolling through social media on my stupid phone.
No to Real Estate.
Our law firm is now counting the days until our office space lease is up (649). We've all been forced to work remotely for 4 months which has convinced us we don't need space. We'll likely give back about 1/2 of our floor, and convert the rest into small video-conf conference rooms and hoteling our individual office spaces, instead of the individual 100 to 200 sq ft offices we have now.
Don't invest in commercial real estate...
I'm Out.
sick day GIFGiphyCalling in sick will become calling in via Google Hangouts 😢.
It can't be. Or at least no changes from pre-pandemic. If you're on PTO or sick leave, you're off. That said, I've worked important events (outages, planned major projects, etc..) while severely sick, as I'm sure many of us have.
The Mainstream....
Remote work will be more mainstream, so needing to live close to work will no longer be as desirable, causing inflated home prices in major tech metro areas to deflate.
Home delivery services like Amazon and Instacart will mean less time spent shopping.
Malls which were already on the decline will start closing down completely.
Business travel will decline as virtual meetings become normal.
Housing with home offices/video production studios and high speed internet will be important selling features.
Tech Days Ahead.
The pandemic has made this very clear that many of activities that require you to go outside are non essential. technology has grown up to fill that gap very well. I think technology will play a big role in this transition.
Can anyone imagine what would have happened if this thing arrived 10 or 15 years ago? The Western world would be torpedoed.
"upscale"
Buffets.
Before the pandemic I could go to an "upscale" buffet and tell myself everybody else was being hygienic.
I love buffet. But I will never eat at a buffet again in my life.
tired sleep GIF
Days Off....
Hopefully the view of the work week. 4 day weeks are overdue and having the permanent option to work from home 1 or 2 days should be a thing
Not gonna happen soon though.
The 40 hour, 5 day work week has been proven many times to do more harm than not. Well for corporate M-F roles anyway. We still gotta have people doing service things but they still need a more appropriate work schedule
But then someone's going to fuss that they have to pay more to employees per hour (this is an issue across a lot of jobs tbh, not just entry level hourly gigs).
Save Retail.
shopping GIFGiphyJC Penney's is legit about to go under.
There's a lot of brick and mortar stores that could disappear by this time next year. Sears, Bed Bath and Beyond, Macy's, Best Buy. Malls are going to empty of most of their anchor retailers.
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BEST. LECTURE. EVER.
Not even 2 minutes into first online live stream class, moaning noises start coming over the stream. Thinking its a joke, professor stops and asks whoever it is to stop. Noises keep coming, and suddenly they get really loud. Next thing we know, someones mom starts screaming and yelling at someone in the background, and sounds of crying are heard. Turns out someones brother was watching *ahem* adult films and accidentally hooked up to his speaker instead of his headphones, although still not sure how one can actually make that mistake without knowing it.
Anyway, professor continued on with class trying not to laugh as we got to hear every word the mother told her other son from the other room. Best part was after the mom had finally calmed down and stopped yelling the kid who's mother it was got up and called from his doorway, "Mom, can u keep it down, I'm in the middle of online class room". The mother came into the room 2 minutes later and apologized for the excess noise. BEST. LECTURE. EVER. AcceptableRub1
Kim?
GiphyYou can set a virtual background e.g. green screen - Set up me in class with Kim Jong-Un beside me for the whole hour at the desk. Robindinho
So Loud.
Don't know if its funny but my math teacher decided that he wanted coffee, so instead of muting himself he started to boil water. It was the loudest thing I have ever heard through my headphones. It took him another 30 seconds to realize that he didn't mute himself and quickly did. MaxusBork
A student joined in.....
A student joined in, didn't mute his microphone, and started making fun of the teachers name with a family member who was in the room. Didn't realize for a couple seconds before finally muting his microphone. Everybody heard him including the teacher. microbazinga
Ponies!
GiphyMy professor had allowed his daughter to use his device before starting the video chat. We were silent for a moment until we heard the My Little Pony song playing in full volume. My professor was moved into instant shock and anxiety. DrPorterMk2
3 in....
Professor uploaded 3 videos on 3 topics. Alas, in the last video, there was no sound as his microphone was off.
Poor guy. He had to record and re-upload the entire last lecture. But kudos to him, he did it within a couple of hours. soubhik_
One of You!
Someone's mum came into my classmates room and told her that she is disappointed and disgusted that she clogged the toilet. PeeLITunder"Which one of you clogged the toilet?
"...WELL, IT WAS DAMN ONE OF YAS!" LotusPrince
Going Black.
My teacher sent the link to his son to get to online classes as a test to see if it worked. The boy (who was in 7th grade) kept the link so when we were in the middle of class he got on and said, " Help, help me, i've been stuck in this computer for 4", years then the screen went black. My teacher explained it to us then we all laughed. boyler2025
Bleh.
One of the lecturers recorded a powerpoint with voiceover unaware that his webcam was also capturing video. He shared the audio, the presentation and a one hour closeup of subtile movements of his crotch to all his students. The powerpoint presentation didn't excite him much. trinityxxiv
Turn it Off!
GiphyCurrently enrolled in a electrician trade school. The first class went a little messy. Some of the moments include.
The teacher finding out how to share his screen, then proceeds to draw giant dongs on a white board program.
A loud "can you turn that damn movie off" from one classmate to another, since he had a movie in the background.
A guy thinking he had put his mic on mute, and asked his gf/wife for head (he didn't have a webcam on)
Many, Many technical difficulties (Understandable due to many of the guys in my class being 35-40 range)
A guy drinking a beer, in a tank top, just acting chill about it.
I know many of these are not out of the ordinary, but for a school setting, i couldn't help but laugh. KidVibez
Damn you Mario!
GiphyMy professor turned on closed captions and when he finally figured out what it was he was like "what type of communist Nintendo technology is this?" gabriey
This is Me...
Had a seminar this afternoon. I joined the Zoom meeting to see my Oxbridge-educated, world-leading-expert professor lying horizontally in bed.
It's a Master's course and for some reason the image of him giving utterly zero craps just killed me. countrycider
I don't know if it would have been better or worse if he was lying vertically. LoveDaLlamas
Obese Cat.
On our second online class, one of the kids didn't realize his mic wasn't muted, and proceeded to start talking to his cat (offscreen), who was apparently drinking out of the kid's water glass. It went something like this: "You damn obese cat, you just sit there on your butt and eat all day; you don't even do a damn thing for us."
Before any of us could react, our teacher (a devout environmentalist and the most aggravating teacher I have ever had) started lecturing this kid for being cruel to his pets while we all just watched. Then she actually made this kid apologize to his cat, which took him a long time to do because he was laughing so hard. Lunar_Wolf770
Wooftime.
My teachers dog (a small one) run to him during the class. It would've been cute, but it get hilarious when his other dog (Great Dane) run toward him too like it was jealous. It bumped him out of his chair and seemed to be licking him. agenericgirlithink
Boop.
GiphySomeone ripped a massive fart while the teacher was talking and no one knew who did it. sentient_spaghetti
Smoked.
I was attending my class and my roommate who was in the very corner of the camera didn't think he was visible on my camera and proceeded to take a really big hit from his bong when I was talking so my camera was blown up on everybody's screen. duston199o
Cut to Black.
I had an online meeting with my department about online exams and how they're implemented. One of the senior staff members cut off every once in a while for 5 seconds. Once it happened in the middle of a sentence where he was describing the procedure if a student disconnected during an assessed skype meeting. He went "and in case one of the students cuts off..." and his video feed went black and sound cut off. Beautiful. Geronimou
Waving Bye.....
If anyone has used blackboard for online lectures, you'll know you can click a button to "Raise" your hand and a little icon will pop up next to your name. Since discovering this, everyone on my course has taken to "Waving" bye to each other all at the end of a lecture by repeatedly raising and lowering our hands. It's not much but it's hilarious to see a bunch of notifications pop up at the end of a lecture. tidus9000
50 People Deep....
Today was our first online class and I ran really quickly to get my phone from upstairs right... when I left my brother who's 11 ran into the room blasting Minecraft songs and my dog was jumping on him and barking... well I forgot to mute myself so everyone saw and heard what was going on and now my English teacher thinks my family has issues. :) Also, forgot to mention there were like 50 people live on this chat looking at my screen while hearing everything in the background. jasminesoriagonzlez
You're Out!
GiphyWe were playing a video game on discord while being muted on the call with the class. My friend then decided to lecture me our other teammates how we were bad and what we should do differently, while using a ton of swear words and yelling. Turns out he somehow unmuted himself, so he got kicked out of the call. Fil-IP