The Frivolous.
GiphyLittle old lady would call every morning to ask what the weather was like outside. No matter how many times we told her to stop.
A grown man wanted to press charges against someone who flipped him off while driving. beautnight
Bambi's Eyes.
When they released our city's stupidest 911 calls a few years ago, this was one:
There's a deer in my yard. (A weekly occurrence here)
What is it doing?
It's looking at me. Not_A_Wendigo
it was hilarious.....
Not a dispatcher, but firefighter. We were called out to a residence one very frosty morning mid winter during a very long cold snap... because the homeowner couldn't open his front door and was unable to get out to get to work. We drove up, I got out, ready to force the door open, but tried it first. It opened with minimal effort (frozen a bit). I opened the door and called out "Fire department. Did you still need us?" He was so embarrassed and it was hilarious. gorammitMal
Yogi?
GiphyA guy called because an injured bear was in his front yard for "a few hours." It was a giant landscaping boulder that had been there for years. oneofthesesigns
ROOMBA!
I was doing IT work at a dispatch center when a 911 call came in from a woman who said that she came home and heard a burglar upstairs. This was in a small town that doesn't get much crime. The town sent 5 of their own cops plus they requested mutual aid from two neighboring towns.
A total of about 10 officers cordoned off the area and set up a perimeter. Cops went into the house looking for the burglar.
They found that the noise was caused by a ROOMBA that got trapped in a closet. The vacuum was banging against the walls and the closet door trying to escape.
No arrests were made that day. Fortunately, no one was injured, either. dartdoug
The Rinse.
She got shampoo in her eye while showering. She rinsed it out, and her vision was unaffected, but it, like, really stung for a minute. She was 27 and could not be talked out of having paramedics dispatched. When the medics got there, they couldn't talk her out of going to the hospital.
She was fine, at least until she got word from her insurance company that they weren't going to pay for her "frivolous and unnecessary" ambulance ride. jemmo_
Not a Taxi....
GiphyThere are apparently multiple people each month who think they can call the emergency number asking for the police to give them a ride home because they got plastered at a bar and don't want to drink & drive. ConstableBlimeyChips
Finding the Pro.
I had a guy call 911 and wanted to report that a woman had stolen his money. We were swamped that night so I kept him on the line trying to get further information. Upon asking a few more questions about the woman and her description it was obvious he was describing a sex worker.
He then began to cry and begged me to not judge him for hiring a sex worker. I promised him I wouldn't judge him and I would send him an officer as soon as we had one available. He hung up and I pended the call as the woman was no longer on scene. He called back on 911 less than a minute later and proceeded to want to talk about his hiring her until officers arrived.
My partner and I continued to pick up his call after we had to place him on hold several times to take other 911 calls during the 15 minute period it took for officers to get to him. He ended up getting arrested for disorderly conduct that night as he was extremely intoxicated and decided he wanted to have a go at the officers when they arrived. cycleindiana
So Petty.
Because their electricity went out and they wanted the police to fix it. Then got upset when I told them they needed to call their power company.
I've also had someone call because their neighbors tree was dropping leaves into their yard and they wanted the neighbor to clean it up.
And one of the funniest/most ridiculous: because someone's automatic sprinklers turned on while they were walking their dog and they got wet. Wanted to press assault charges.
People call for the most PETTY things ever. I would always have them call back on the non-emergency line as soon as they told me the ridiculousness. 911 is for emergencies only boys and girls! knewfonewhodis
Find the Birds.
GiphyI will never forget that brief period in early 2018 when KFC ran out of chicken and police in the UK received so many calls about it that they had to put out a notice asking people to stop. PoundshopPrincessJas
"He was so embarrassed..."
Not a dispather, but firefighter. We were called out to a residence one very frosty morning mid winter during a very long cold snap...because the homeowner couldn't open his front door and was unable to get out to get to work. We drove up, I got out, ready to force the door open, but tried it first. It opened with minimal effort (frozen a bit). I opened the door and called out "Fire department. Did you still need us?" He was so embarassed and it was hilarious.
"Caller advised..."
- Elderly male was trying to scoop poop out of his constipated wife's bhole and made it bleed. Had to instruct the caller to not try to scoop anything else out of the patients bhole.
- Caller advised someone dead in her front driveway. Asked for an approximate age, said 40-50 year old male. Arrived on scene to find her pet deceased in the driveway. (No wonder she declined CPR)
- "Drunk falcon". Caller reported someone stumbling into the roadway possible drunk. Asking for a description of "him" as the caller told us, and he said brown. (??) To clarify, African American or Hispanic? Caller said.. "uh I'm not sure, light brown? I mean it's a falcon so the normal falcon brown?" I could go on, but honestly every day gets weirder and weirder.
"I once had a woman..."
Medical dispatcher here:
I once had a woman call for an ambulance because her daughter got her hand stuck between the mattress and the wall and she couldn't pull it out or lift the mattress.
I once had a man call because his 13yo daughter had vaginal bleeding. It was her period. Not even her first. He called without telling the daughter or the mom - who had primary custody and had the daughter at HER house at the time.
I once had a woman call because she choked on her food - a "down the wrong pipe" situation - and requested I stay on the line with her until the ambulance arrived because she was scared. She asked me "Do you think I could still be choking?"
I once had a woman call because she thought she felt a lump in her breast and wanted to go to the ER. We're not allowed to tell people to make an appointment with their doctor in the morning, so I sent an ambulance. The kicker: she lived 1 block down from the hospital. She could've walked and saved a lot of money.
"I had a woman..."
I had a woman recently call in upset that a cashier wouldn't cash her lottery tickets after asking her to leave repeatedly.
"He was advised..."
911 call with the reporting party saying there is a jellyfish stranded on the beach. He was advised not to touch it and asked if anyone needed medical assistance that had been stung. No, he wanted someone to come SAVE THE JELLYFISH. I explained that it was a natural phenomenon and that neither Animal Control nor the Marine Mammal Center will respond for that. He screamed at me that I was an animal hater until I had to disconnect.
"I ha
I have a cousin who is a 911 dispatcher, his first ever call, a woman called to get the phone number of one of the cops who had recently been to her house because she hadn't had sex in over a month and thought he was hot.
"Some dude called us..."
Some dude called us to make a "serious complaint" i asked him what was the problem and he said "They gave me like a medium size worth of fries and I asked for large" I was confused and I asked if this was a prank call. He said no. Dude was really pissed of that he didn't get all his fries.
"I could list off calls..."
I could list off calls all day. Been a dispatcher for 4 years now and I honestly thought maybe 25% of calls would be something pressing when someone called 911. I was very wrong. Maybe 2% on a good day. On 5 different occasions I've had people want us to check the area around their house because "my dog is barking and he never barks." When asked if they saw or heard anything they say no. So we go and patrol the area 100% based on a dog hunch.
"She was called..."
Not me personally, but a friend of mine who works as a call dispatcher. She was called just this week by an adult male wanting the police because his neighbour trimmed his hedges over the property line.
Needless to say they didn't pay him a visit.
"A man calls..."
A man calls about domestic violence but when the police arrived he answered the door with a bowl of spaghetti dumped on his head. He and his wife had gotten into a (food) fight. Some of the other casualties were the cesar salad which was dumped on the wife's head and some garlic bread that she used to hit her husband.
A man could not..."
A man could not get through the Capatcha to request an Uber. He may have been a robot.
"All laugh."
When my wife and I were new parents we called poison control because our daughter, who had just started crawling, ate a grasshopper. (Half a grasshopper, actually.)
The operator was laughing so hard she could barely talk. Put us on speaker phone with a whole room full of laughing people. They reassured us by pointing out that this is a delicacy in some cultures. Said it was good with honey.
It became a family joke. "Remember the time she ate a grasshopper?" "No, it was just half a grasshopper." All laugh. She glares at us.
"My mom..."
My mom was a dispatcher when I was really young and they would always get 911 calls of when will the fireworks start for 4th of July, the summer festival and any sort of event with fireworks.
"One day..."
"Chicken by the coffee pot."
The neighborhood we lived in had random stray chickens. (Word on the street was someone was trying to run a chicken fighting ring and the chickens rebelled and escaped, thus creating a slew of stray chickens running amuck. I don't buy it though.) One was actually roosting in my backyard for five days without my dogs noticing... anyway...
My husband is a police officer in the next town over. One day he called me laughing, because he heard through his dispatch radio that our neighbor called 911 because a chicken had broken into their house and was sitting next to their coffee pot.
"She didn't throw away..."
Because her husband yelled at her. She didn't throw away an empty bottle of shampoo. They were both inebriated and eventually, he got on the line too and started explaining that she's messy. I dispatched an officer right away, because not on my watch Kidding. Kidding! But an officer did go out! Lol it was a small country town.
"I'm gonna add..."
I'm gonna add to the stuff stuck up the butt. I didn't take the call but I got to listen to the recording right after my coworker took the call. Guy calls in asking for an ambulance saying he has a fever that won't go away after a couple of days. In cases like this we try to get a little further just in case it's more serious, although it's not uncommon to dispatch for a fever. He sounds fine, completely coherent. He is being really sketchy about explaining his circumstances. After a brief pause he goes "I got something stuck up my butt a few days ago and I can't get it out. Ok, I said it!" My coworker did everything in her power to keep it professional.
Oh, and I was just mocked and chewed out by a caller because we weren't helping him fast enough. Something to do with his neighbor neglecting her dog. He's been standing in his driveway for an hour even though he just called us 10 minutes ago...
"There was a spout..."
There was a spout of people calling 911 because their order was wrong from a fast food place.
"She had a lady..."
My sister worked dispatch. She had a lady call 911 because her neighbours filled there pool and she thought it was too full. When the neighbours jumped in the pool some of the water would splash out and the caller though some water would go on to her property. My sister told her that this isn't an emergency. The lady replied by screaming "But I have a dinner party tonight!". No cops were sent.
"A guy who phoned..."
I was a 999 operator for an ambulance service in the UK. I have had:
*Idiots calling 999 just to wish us happy Christmas or happy new year with no consideration that they are blocking lines for genuine emergencies.
*People phoning to chat because they feel lonely.
*A guy who phoned 999 EVERY NIGHT to say he was having a heart attack but actually just had anxiety. This is actually not an uncommon issue.
*A couple who would phone 999 regularly to tell us that their partner was unconscious and not breathing despite hearing the partner talking in the background...
*People ringing 999 to ask for an emergency ambulance for their pet cat that had been run over.
"A woman called..."
A woman called DEMANDING that her extensive criminal record be wiped.
"Had a call come in..."
Had a call come in once from a man reporting that his ex had broken into his flat and tried to murder him.
What had actually happened was that the ex (who still lived at the property) had come in using her key and opened a window because it was over 35°c (95°f) in the flat. He thought she was trying to kill him by giving him hypothermia. On the hottest night of the year.
"A family member..."
A family member who works dispatch told me they had a call:
"Someone threw a hot dog at me."
"Another..."
Guy calls 999 and asks for police, somone has put cardboard beside their oil tank and I think it's going to explode! Come quick!. Sorry sir, is there a fire? No it's a fire hazard. Ok well if a fire breaks out it isnt the cardboard that you need to worry about and from my recollection cardboard doesn't just spontaneously combust.
Another was, I just poured some oil down a drain buy mistake send police now! Ok sir, this isnt really a police matter. Contact the water service. But I need the police Would you like me to come arrest the oil sir?
"Have a fungal growth..."
Paramedic, but I think I qualify, and there's a few from offer the years. Have writer's block, can't sleep. Have a fungal growth on my scrotum (proceeds to show me despite my protestations). Was stuck in an elevator, was scared I was going to die (though clearly not dead). Parents turned the Wi-Fi off because I'm playing too much Xbox (I did sympathise a bit, it was a double XP that weekend). I have a cloud phobia, I walked outside an saw some clouds. I broke a nail.
Try keeping composed and professional when such rubbish comes out of people's mouths.
"Woman in hysterics..."
Woman in hysterics just totally losing her mind because her son was missing as he hadn't returned from school. First question was "when was he suppose to come home?" Her response was "3pm" it was 1:30.
"Someone called..."
My mum had a call on Christmas Day about 15 years ago. Someone rang in to say their turkey wouldn't fit in the oven.
"Someone called up..."
I used to work for 000 in Aus. Someone called up because there was a spider in their bathroom. I had to put them through to the fire brigade and the lady was screaming and the firefighter was like "just throw a shoe at it". Pretty sure they had to send someone around
"I was once dispatched..."
Retired deputy here. I was once dispatched to a call in the middle of the night in which a lady stated that she couldn't sleep because of a duck quacking outside her window. Fortuneately it was gone before I got there.
We got paged to a guy tripping the other day seeing Jesus in his phone. He was a super cooperative and sweet patient, and just having a really bad night. His douchebag friends kicked him out when he was having a hard time, so we picked him up basically to keep him safe. He had quite the cocktail of drugs on board, so we convinced him (effortlessly, he was very sweet) to let us check out his heart and make sure it wasn't struggling with the mix of uppers and downers. His pulse and BP were rightfully elevated, but healthy.
At that point, Jesus Phone made him call his mom, so he, mom, and myself had a lovely conversation in the ambulance. She wins mom of the year award for being so understanding and supportive of her son in a hard place, and he wins patient of the year for being a good self-advocate and so agreeable despite how scared he was. But don't do drugs, kids, Jesus will appear in your phone and tell you whacky stuff.
u/HelpIsWhatINeedPls asked:
Cops of reddit, what is the most "What the heck happened here?" moment you've experienced?
Here were some of the answers.
Trigger warning for extreme violence, blood, and gore.
Nothing To Be Done
GiphyFormer cop. Was a rookie deputy and got this call that a man got his foot caught in a garden tiller and was bleeding profusely. It was a 20 min drive running code so I had time to plan out my actions. I figured the ambulance would be about 10 minutes behind me so I was gonna tourniquet above the knee and i assumed he'd be unconscious and/or needing cpr. I get there and it's a big farm building with two guys just standing their smoking. I grabbed my medic bag (not a medic but it had tourniquet, c collars, gauze etc,,) I run towards them to ask where the patient was and they were white as a ghost just smoking while pointing behind them. I went inside and behind a big John Deere tractor was a huge pto driven tiller about 7 feet wide and 3 feet tall.
There was my victim, with his back against the tractor tire, his left leg was sucked in the tiller and wrapped twice around it with the sole of the shoe next to his face and toe pointing towards the left. His femur shot out underneath the tiller and was beautifully white with no blood. He looked up at me and said "can you help me?" Now keep in mind, I'm 21, thought this was a garden tiller and assumed I'd be able to do something but I was completely out of my element. Two ambulances, the rural fire department extrication team, a welding company to cut the machine apart on scene, a helicopter and a surgeon that came to amputate on scene later he was free.
Not What It Seems
Late to the party but my favorite so far has got to be the tale of the UFO/ALIENS.
I was a cop on the rez for a while and had my fair share of crazies. One night, I'm out driving around and I get a call from dispatch. There's a UFO out in one of the farmer's fields.
Ok?
So I get to the house and talk with the guy. We know each other, he doesn't seem to be THAT looney. I turn my spotlight onto said field and sure as heck, there's something not quite right there. It's metal.
So I go bee-bopping through the furrows and hoping my scarediness isn't showing because this. Is. Freaky. It was an autumn night with the wind howling and clouds blowing overhead.
I get closer. I have one hand on my holstered gun and the other shining my flashlight. I was rehearsing what I was going to say to our new overlords and then my brain finally clicks as to what it actually was.
A wad of those STUPID MYLAR BALLOONS! All blown up and caught on some weeds. I'm talking like twenty of them, just chilling and scaring the heck out of me.
I grab them and walked back out to the farmer. He started laughing and then I did too. I handed them over to him and got back in my squad, still shaking.
The sad part was, he passes away a few years ago, and his family gave me those deflated balloons that he had kept. I have them in my basement now.
What Kind Of Bird?
I'm taking a slightly different approach in answering this question.
A couple of months ago, I got a "QA"/ Questionable Activity call...it's a catch all for anything suspicious...
The caller stated she believed someone had snuck into her backyard, climbed up onto her second floor deck and then left an imprint of their penis on her sliding door.
I show up to the call about 5 minutes later and she's mad at me because I didn't schedule an appointment to come over and her kids saw me...she didn't want her kids to think something bad had happened.
After we get past her anger towards me for showing up, she shows me the glass sliding door in question. In all fairness to the caller there was a sizable smudge and imprint on the glass.
However the imprint looked nothing like any penis I've ever seen...in fact the imprint looked really similar to the dead bird laying on the deck next to the door.
When I pointed out the dead bird and explained my belief that no penis had been placed on her door, the caller became incredibly irate and told me she moved to our city because it was supposed to be very safe, but now she was thinking of moving away because naked people throwing dead birds at her house was more than she could handle...
Realizing I would not be able to rationalize with penis bird, I left and wrote my report...
...some people don't deserve to call 911
New Kinds Of House Calls
My dad told me the one time he went to a house and and a women pulled something out of her shopping bag and started hitting him with it. He's trying to stop her but the other officers are all laughing. Finally he realizes that she's beating him with a dildo.
Quite An Assortment
One time we got a call about a minor wreck in a highway corridor. We get there, I'm handling the accident.
A hundred yards down there is a car on flats. And another further down from that. Unrelated to the accident. One of the drivers walked back to us and told us a sketchy guy had been stopping at these cars to offer his help in fixing the flats. The theory was that he threw something on the road to flatten the tires so that he could 'help' and get money from the drivers.
I'm stuck at the back end of this mess, on the radio trying to get another unit to detain the shady guy.
All of the sudden I look over and there's a guy in nothing but a hospital gown and an IV hanging out of his arm just toddling along the shoulder. The nearest hospital was several miles away so I have no idea how he covered that distance with nobody noticing.
So here I am with 1. A car wreck 2. A guy possibly flattening tires on purpose and 3. An escaped hospital patient. All completely unrelated, on a major highway late at night.
A Mobile Limb
A friend of mine is a cop in the UK and his story is more wtf as he saw it unfold, but missed how it all started. It was his first week out on patrol and he was assigned to an experienced partner. They respond to a burglary in progress and are told that a nearby dog unit was on the scene already. When they arrive at the property they hear a commotion outside that's clearly between an officer and a suspect, and they open the garden gate to assist the dog unit.
What they then witness is a suspect face down on the grass, an officer stamping on the suspect's back whilst holding his arm up near her hip and shouting "stop resisting!", and the police dog absolutely going to town on this guys buttocks with his teeth. The suspect is, unsurprisingly, struggling and resisting and then ends up kicking the dog. The dog then latches onto the guys leg, starts ferociously tugging, PULLS IT OFF and then runs towards the new cops on the scene with it. It turns out that was a false leg (which no-one except the suspect knew at the time), and my buddy the cop said he just froze whilst trying to figure out how the hell he calls this in and whether or not he should retrieve the man's leg from the police dog.
Oh The Shudders You'll Shudder!
As a brand new ER nurse we had two police officers drop off a naked man bleeding from his groin area. We were informed he was not in custody but they would be in the waiting room to arrest him when he was discharged (the city would have had to pay for his care if he was under arrest) the man refused to say anything "without his lawyer" so all I knew was the chief complaint, cut on scrotum. I take off the towel and get to see my first testicle, as in without the normal fleshy covering. The way the skin was ripped I thought for sure a police dog was involved. I'll spare you the rest of the gory details.
Someone manages to get the backstory out of the cops, dude was in the shower when they arrived to arrest him on a meth charge. He runs and tries to hop over a chain link fence. Not nearly as exciting as I was thinking.
An Extreme Overreaction
Show up to a "trouble unknown" call. Teenage looking girl walks out the front door as I arrive, and sits on a chair in the front listening to an iPod. This was pretty disarming for me, she was clearly not distressed at all from whatever the "trouble unknown" was.
I didn't even disturb her as I knocked on the front door. I can see an adult male through the side glass by the door, he has a look of absolute terror. As he reaches the door, a crazed looking woman attacks him from behind, biting his shoulder like a zombie. I would later learn this is his wife.
Dispatch, give me the channel and get me more officers here now. I open the door and the fight is on. Pull this woman off and wrestle her to the ground, face down. She's very small framed, probably 5' and 100lbs max. I'm a foot taller and 80lbs heavier. She's screaming and flailing. I grab hold of her right arm, attempting to put it behind her back for handcuffing but she is supernaturally strong for some reason. I've got both hands on her right wrist now trying to control her and she's not giving at all.
I try pain compliance, muscle gouges, anything to give me an advantage. No response, still fighting. It felt like this was going on for a long time but in reality it was a few minutes. Finally backup arrives, and he immediately goes to grab her left arm, seeing what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm finally able to get a handcuff on her wrist and pin it to her back, and my partner cuffs the other wrist, but she slips out (small frame, small hands/wrist). This happened a few times in a row, and finally out of frustration I yelled "just clamp the cuff all the way down, we'll adjust it when she's under control!"
Finally get her cuffed but she's still flailing and screaming. Other officers arrive at this point as well as paramedics. They're unable to assess her at all really. The husband tells us they bought some cheep herb from a sketchy dude in town and after smoking it she flipped out. I assume it was laced with something, he said he smoked too but didn't have a reaction, so who knows.
We had to drive this lady up to the hospital in a patrol car. She calmed down a little but the entire ride she was rambling about nonsense. The hospital was prepared and had several large nurses waiting and we got her strapped down to a bed, I told the staff about the weed and said "good luck!" When my adrenaline was gone, my forearms were so sore, they felt like rocks from fighting with this tiny woman. Moral of the story, don't smoke stuff you bought from the town crack head.
When The Law Doesn't Work
Too many to choose from I forget them all. So how about non-fatal ones that are kinda upbeat?
Car in a pond. Guy bought the car, hated it, got so angry he literally drove it into a pond and they left. Ticket for littering cause I jumped in to see if anyone was in the car.
Car wrecked in a tree...IN A TREE, like up in the middle of the branches, I just..don't know how.
Half missing decomposing dead body from natural death. Turned out the many cats in the house ate half that person. (Ok that ones gross)
A ride-along had a warrant and got tased by the Officer they where with, trying to run from. That was a more of wtf moment hearing it over the radio.
Guy going through a divorce and decided to renovate his house at 2am with a sledge hammer, by taking out all the walls and furniture, cause his future ex got awarded the house. (Didn't arrest him, was still his house, just keep the noise down please)
The Crazy Lottery
GiphyNot me but my dad but when he was on the road years back he got a call from a man saying he was locked in someone's closet. So he goes to the location of the call which was a project housing unit and knocks on the door. A man answered exclaiming "I CAUGHT ONE! I CAUGHT ONE!" My dad has absolutely no idea was this dude means until he opens up the closet and sees a man with dwarfism tied up in the closet. Apparently the man was going door to door for some organization and when the psycho dude opened his door he thought he found a leprechaun and proceeded to "catch" it and throw it in his closet for safekeeping.
