No two people have the same sex drive.
There are those who simply can't get enough sex, as it is what empowers them and gives them purpose, such as the glorious Samantha Jones of Sex And The City.
Then there are those who could go days, weeks, months, even years without having even the tiniest sexual encounter, but live perfectly happy lives.
The proud asexuals.
Providing it is safe and consensual, there is no right and wrong when it comes to sex.
However, supposing one day two people had a classic Hollywood "meet cute", firmly believing it to be love at first sight, only to discover that one half of this prospective couple is asexual and the other is not.
What would their reactions be?
"Dear non-asexual people: if you were in a relationship with someone and they sat you down and said they are asexual, what would your reaction be?"
There Is Always A Solution
"This actually happened to me."
"My current partner told me about 3-4 years into our relationship that she realized she might be asexual."
"She told me that she'd realized since we'd been together that she'd often used sex as validation or because she thought she was supposed to."
"She'd been coming to the realization for a long time before she told me, and told me she was afraid of how I'd react."
"I'll preface my reaction by saying that we have never been monogamous, so things may have worked out differently if we were."
"I was not totally surprised."
"We tell each other everything, and I'd heard a lot about her previous partners."
"From what I gathered, I was her first long-term partner who wasn't abusive, pushy, or worse."
"I didn't feel like I'd disappointed her or turned her asexual in some way, I knew that she was telling me this because she felt comfortable that I wouldn't freak out or leave her."
"When we'd first started seeing each other I'd gone through a similar experience working up the courage to tell her I'm bi."
"The entire experience made us closer."
'That was years ago now, and we still very much love each other."
"We still have sex occasionally, but she's also fine if I seek it out elsewhere as long as I'm safe, always, and communicative, to a fault."
'Coming out to a partner is always difficult, regardless of what your sexuality is, or isn't."
"It's scary to think the person you love may feel differently about you afterward, but it's better than living a lie and letting it eat away at you."- Duckiesims
Happy Well Done GIF by LaffGiphyJust be Upfront
"i've been on a date with an asexual guy."
"He told me 1 hour into the date."
"I had nothing but respect for straight up telling me."
"I said I want sex to be a part of a relationship, he respected my choice and we had a great date."
"We were friends for long after that."- kaascheesefromage
Nope, Not Going To Work...
"Wish them well, find someone who shares my interests."- tacit_urn
Minor Detail...
"This actually happened to me."
"He was so much fun, that sex ultimately did not matter."
"We had 8 years together before he went I search of new adventures, but we stayed friends until his death."
"I still miss him."- Dang_It_All_to_Heck
Alicia Silverstone Flirting GIFGiphyAn Insurmountable Hurdle
"I’ve been there."
"College boyfriend after about a year of dating told me that he thought he was asexual."
"We had been having sex until then, and it made me feel awful thinking that he might’ve not wanted to the entire time."
"I felt bad 'making' him do that."
"It was always consensual, but I was worried he only did it because he felt he had to."
"Some people can make a relationship without sex work, but this is what I personally did not want."
"I never shamed him for his lack of sexuality, but it made navigating the relationship more challenging."
"That relationship went on for at least another year, but ended up failing for a few reasons."
"I’m quite sexual, so that became a compatibility issue."
"We did not have sex thereafter."
"He was kind of a controlling person, (not because he is asexual)."
"He would make me feel ashamed for getting turned on or, god forbid, pleasuring myself."
"He also guilted me in staying with him despite the lack of any sexual compromise."
"He basically said that if I really loved him for him we would stay together."
"And I did love him a lot at the time, so that is why I stayed."
"I know now that sex is important to me, and really it is nice to be intimate with someone and to feel wanted in that way."
"I felt ugly for the longest time because any time I brought up this issue, I would either be rejected, ouch, or shamed for wanting anything sexual."
"We were both pretty young in this relationship."
"If I were in a relationship like this now, after some more relationship experience, I would have tried to have a clearer discussion about my needs."
"In all, I hope that if anyone else finds themselves in this situation, ie with a partner that realizes they’re asexual, that you can have a serious conversation and decide if this is enough of a compatibility issue to stop seeing each other or make a compromise to match both of your needs."- Silverhime
kate hudson breaking up GIFGiphyIt Can Have Its Advantages
"Wow this is weird, this actually happened to me the other day."
"My partner came and told me she is asexual."
"We talked through what that meant to her and basically she's not anti-sex, in fact she enjoys it, she just has almost no independent interest in sex, and almost no attraction or sexual desire towards people."
"So, after checking that she was still happy with the way things are and she wouldn't prefer some alternative arrangement, we basically just agreed to continue as we have been throughout the relationship up to this point."
"Boring I know, sorry."
"In fact it made me feel more free to pursue my own kinks and desires, since sex is now something she mostly does because she wants to make me happy I feel less bad making it about my wants."- cdwols
Sex is always a very personal issue.
With that in mind, someone with a high sex drive simply might not be able to make a relationship work with an asexual person.
Though opposites do attract, which can include two people with highly opposing views and needs towards sex.
For at the end of the day, there's no ignoring a connection.
Nathan Ivie, a Republican lawmaker from Utah, recently came out as gay in a video posted to Facebook.
Ivie, a Utah County commissioner, recorded a video posted to his Facebook, dedicated to friends, family and neighbors.
The 40 year-old Mormon lawmaker revealed that he is gay, a secret he has struggled with since he was a child.
In the video, he speaks of growing up confused and unsure of himself, which led to a suicide attempt at age 22. After that, he attempted to "cure" his homosexual feelings, due to the pressure he felt by being a part of the Mormon church.
The religion traditionally opposes gay marriage, but with so many young LGBTQ people committing suicide as of late, Ivie felt the need to take a stand.
"That really makes you re-evaluate your life, and what you're doing as a leader to prevent that kind of stuff," says Ivie in his video, which has now been viewed over 11,000 times.
"I understand the impact that my discoveries have had, and will have on others. Yet, I'm still the same person that I've always been."
He continues, talking about the interactions he's had with gay couples through his love for photography and the outdoors.
Ivie recently had the opportunity to photograph a same-sex wedding, an experience that changed the way he viewed himself.
"The love they shared and the way they looked at each other was the same as any other couple. It helped me realize, 'Maybe I'm not broken.'"
Ivie's story has gone viral on social media, with many commenting on his video. Almost all of the responses have been positive.
Utah County Commissioner Nathan Ivie soon after announcing he’s gay—saying he’s sharing story, because young people… https://t.co/eIUxDdcgB2— Brian Mullahy (@Brian Mullahy) 1558566236
Ivie himself responded on Twitter to the internet's reaction.
WOW thank you for the ❤️. It’s already settling in and feels amazing. We have great people in this state. To live a… https://t.co/vY0rf0Wq2p— nathan ivie (@nathan ivie) 1558559712
He thanked his parents for their support.
One thing I need to make super clear, I have the most amazing parents in the world. They have stood at my side with… https://t.co/uLG58G3xyd— nathan ivie (@nathan ivie) 1558648475
Ivie continued, leaving Twitter with some very positive and hopeful words.
The sum of the labels placed on us will never equal the value of who we are as individuals. The individual is the g… https://t.co/vtpZOKMY7j— nathan ivie (@nathan ivie) 1558719450
Ivie's community has shown him nothing but support. Jackie Biskupski, Salt Lake City's first openly gay mayor, echoed other politicians' well wishes.
All the best to you @IvieNathan! I ❤️ how a simple act of love among strangers helped you find your truth & that yo… https://t.co/OlUEtOaqFU— Jackie Biskupski (@Jackie Biskupski) 1558552068
Despite Ivie and his wife separating, they decided to co-parent their children and still remain close friends.
"One thing's for certain," Ivie concluded. "Tomorrow is a new day."
"The sun will come up again, and we'll all have work and responsibilities, things to do. Who I am, it doesn't change any of that."
Kristen Stewart Talks About The Pressure To Come Out And Why It Was Such A Difficult Decision
LGBTQ acceptance, despite our many advances, still has a ways to go.
But Twilight actress Kristen Stewart noted how far we've come in regards to coming out and claiming one sexual identity.
The 29-year-old actress told the Associated Press that she is happy that today's youth aren't faced with the similar pressures of having a "huge responsibility" in discussing sexuality as she has in the past.
Kristen outed herself on SNL two years ago when she said she was "like so gay, dude."
At the time, she was under immense pressure.
"I felt this huge responsibility, like one that I was really genuinely worried about if I wasn't able to say one way or the other, then was I sort of like forsaking a side."
‘HUGE RESPONSIBILITY’: #KristenStewart says she felt pressure to define her sexuality and is glad younger generatio… https://t.co/rJhOj8EIju— AP Entertainment (@AP Entertainment) 1556631840
Stewart had previously dated men, including her Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson. But when she was spotted with other women, she found herself forced to confront her sexuality, publicly.
She worried whether or not declaring a definitive sexual identity would have consequences.
"Are people gonna look at me and say 'you're not setting an example'?"
"The fact that you don't have to [label yourself] now is so much more truthful."
Stewart commented on how different the culture is now, with younger stars being more open with gender fluidity and sexuality.
Definitions are so 1996. https://t.co/gQuexRsDRR— Totally Fucking Gay (@Totally Fucking Gay) 1556772516
Though to be fair if Kristen Stewart had gone to my high school I’d have probably realized I was gay a lot earlier— fight me michael mouse (@fight me michael mouse) 1556632268
It was something she had been "gunning for" for a long time.
"If you were to have this conversation with someone like in high school, they'd probably like roll their eyes and go, 'Why are you complicating everything so much? Like just sort of do what you want to do.' "
"I was gunning for that for a long time, so it's like, thank you. Kids, lead the way. It's really nice."
Kristen Stewart said she was "so gay" on "SNL" two years ago but she sees a shift in culture that's allowed young p… https://t.co/ADvPnnGM9R— EDGE Media Network (@EDGE Media Network) 1556715650
She concluded by saying a person is not defined by their sexual preferences.
It's much more complicated now.
"Whether you like girls or boys doesn't even begin to describe who you are on the inside. I just feel like we don't even have the words to describe the complexities of identity right now."
why do i love kristen stewart so much like i know she’s gay and shit but like damn she’s amazing— dg (@dg) 1556589458
if you can’t take me at my closeted 2008 kristen stewart, you don’t deserve me at my openly gay 2019 kristen stewart— 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪/she/cher (@𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕪/she/cher) 1556309904
Stewart was less secretive when dating multiple women after she was caught cheating on Pattinson with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders in 2012.
She and Pattinson immediately broke up after a photo of Stewart and Sanders in an intimate embrace surfaced.
She began dating New Zealand model Stella Maxwell in late 2016, and wanted the public to know she wasn't feeling "ashamed" about being with other partners, according to the Daily Mail.
"I was like, 'Actually, to hide this provides the implication that I'm not down with it or I'm ashamed of it,' so I had to alter how I approached being in public. It opened my life up and I'm so much happier."
She and Maxwell parted ways in December 2018.
Stewart currently stars in Amazon Prime's J.T. Leroy, based on a true story about a woman who disguises herself as a male author while making public appearances.
Here's to 2019, where we should be free to be who we want to be without having to explain.
Stewart's latest film, Lizzie about Lizzie Borden, is available here.
BYU Valedictorian Comes Out As Gay During Powerful Graduation Speech, And The Internet Is Cheering
Matt Easton, Valedictorian of Utah's Brigham Young University's class of 2019, made a very brave choice for his speech—he came out as gay in a speech that acknowledged the achievements of his peers, and himself.
Brigham Young University is owned and operated by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which is not known for its acceptance of LGBTQ+ folks.
The school has an honor code that has led to the punishment of LGBTQ+ students in the past, according to the Salt Lake Tribune.
Easton spoke about his personal battles in coming to terms with his identity, and his journey to self-acceptance.
"It was in these quiet moments of pain and confusion that I felt another triumph, that of coming to terms, not with who I thought I should be, but who the Lord has made me."
"As such, I stand before my family, friends and graduating class today to say that I am proud to be a gay son of God."
This personal growth took time, and some serious soul-searching, but it was worth it in the end.
"Four years ago it would have been impossible for me to imagine that I would come out to my entire college."
"It is a phenomenal feeling and it is a victory for me in and of itself."
You can view his full speech below:
BYU 2019 FHSS Valedictorian Speech www.youtube.com
Matt also posted some clips of the speech to Twitter, where he recieved overwhelming support.
Thank you everyone for your love and support today ❤️ I feel so so lucky to have had a chance to share some of my s… https://t.co/eC45m8T1E5— Matty Easton (@Matty Easton) 1556337242
I am feeling overwhelmed by the reaction to my words today (in the best way possible!) Thank you to all those who h… https://t.co/WCMoOjTwgE— Matty Easton (@Matty Easton) 1556337553
During my time at BYU, I have slowly come out to my closest family members and friends. However, this is the first… https://t.co/srPXuKoVkE— Matty Easton (@Matty Easton) 1556337554
@easton_matty Good for you! Always be true to yourself!— Susan Smith (@Susan Smith) 1556551600
@easton_matty Congratulations Matty! https://t.co/sVzkRy5mLP— Secular Student Alliance (@Secular Student Alliance) 1556388788
@easton_matty good for you Matty. All the best for a lifetime of success. Kudos for being yourself. It will inspire others.— David 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇺🇸🇦🇺 #FBPE #FBR #DmCast #SaveNHS (@David 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇺🇸🇦🇺 #FBPE #FBR #DmCast #SaveNHS) 1556455994
@easton_matty Congratulations! Blaze down your path in full color! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈— Lance Mace (@Lance Mace) 1556434299
Coming out is always a complicated, and often a scary, process. Kudos to Matt for choosing to be his authentic self even when faced with such a possibility of adversity.
Being gay or bi is a fabulous thing! Now, it can be a daunting and lonely experience, sure. After all, it is a a life altering revelation. Once you know, for sure, there is no going back. Often when one discovers about themselves it can come as a surprise. And you realize the signs were there all along, you just have to follow them.... all the way down the glittered road.
Redditor u/AgeOfZac wanted to hear from everyone about 'that moment' when they no longer could hide their true selves by asking.... Homosexuals/Bisexuals of reddit. What was your 'gay awakening' moment?