The Most Brutal Insults People Have Ever Heard
Reddit user cristicrystal asked: 'what is the most brutal insult you have ever received/given?'
Insults are almost never necessary or called for, particularly directly to someone's face, in front of a whole crowd of people.
Even so, sometimes when a truly brutal insult is thrown at you, you can't help but appreciate it just a little bit.
Whether or not this was something this conversational bully came up with on the fly, or was waiting days, weeks, months or years to unleash on you, clever word choice is hard to ignore and not appreciate.
Including when the tables are turned, and you've come up with something wickedly clever, if not at all nice, to unfurl on someone you're conversing with.
"What is the most brutal insult you have ever received/given?"
Coming Through An Avatar Almost Makes It worse...
"This guy killed me on Rust and told me to put my kid to bed."
"He could hear her in the background, it was like 11 on a school night."
"He ganked me and then critiqued my parenting."- Intelligent-Bird6825
Nothing Hurts More Than The Truth...
"Mine was subtle."
"I went to the doctor because of my leg problem, he weighed me and said my BMI is too high and that I'm classed as slightly obese."
"I said [hmm isn't BMI supposed to be inaccurate because it doesn't account for muscle mass?'"
"Sorta tongue in cheek."
"Doctor looked at me and calmly said 'not in this case'."
"That hurt man, that hurt."- Flynnrah
Some Of The Greatest Music Was The Product Of Improvisation
"Musician here."
"After f*cking up a solo, the other guy said 'that was an interesting choice'."- Plus_Valuable4382
Zayn Malik GIFGiphyHe Opened That Door...
"My 15 year old niece lives with me and my wife, because her dad doesn’t have a job or a house."
"She got her first job and he starts telling her she’s too young to have a job."
"He says 'You’re too young to have a job'.”
"And she replied with 'You’re too old to not have one'.”
"I should probably clarify."
"She’s not a little smart mouthed teenager."
"She’s usually very respectful."
"It’s not like he lost his job a week ago and has been looking."
"In the 6 years I’ve known him he has worked one week, and before that nothing much different."
"He deserved what he got, and she deserves much more than what he has given her, and I hoped it would make him reevaluate his choices but so far no change."- Thomas-Garret
Practically A Compliment
"I got into a road rage argument with a guy and he called me 'A Mumford and Son lookin' bastard!'
"I must point out that I was neither wearing a waistcoat or playing a banjo at the time."
"I did have a beard though."- Amity75
mumford sons GIFGiphyWonder Where He Got That Attitude...
"Co-worker's kid was hanging around the job eating cookies."
"His dad tells him to offer cookies to others, points at me and says 'he likes cookies too'."
"The kid looks at his dad, then at me, and back at his dad and says 'he looks like he likes cookies'."
"I was devastated."- aLongHofer
Ironically, The Many Will Read This And Think "Meow"...
"I was talking to my mother-in-law when my wife's sister came in and exclaimed that my wife had just barked at her."
"Without thinking I said 'maybe she was just talking to you in a language you'd understand', luckily my mother-in-law burst out laughing."- kij101
When You Bring Parents Into The Mix...
"Some kid was picking on me throughout High School and one day he talked sh*t about me being adopted."
"Idk what came over me but my response was, 'a couple of very nice people paid money to raise me and your parents are probably regretting having you for free'.”- blazedout-cubscout
"I Know You Are, But What Am I?"
"I'm ugly."
"This made going to school pretty terrible."
"My one shining moment in all of those terrible years was when one of my bullies, who happened to be overweight, was harassing me at lunch."
"'You're not even a real girl'."
"'You're just a guy with t*ts', he said."
"'So are you', I replied."
"The silence before his posse broke down in uproarious laughter was so heavy, lmao."
"He never talked to me again."
"I just wanted to eat alone in peace and was just sick of rolling over."
"Even then, I'm so socially awkward I still don't know how I came up with my reply without missing a beat, but I've been riding that high ever since, 20 years later lol."
"I'll never be as cool as I was in that moment."- SuspiciousBowlOfSoup
Hit Them Where It Really Hurts
"True story."
"Since childhood I have been a massive fan of Eddie Van Halen."
"Beyond normal Fandom."
"I had told my girlfriend at the time that I could die a happy human if I had one of his used guitar picks."
"It became a joke for us over time."
"FF a couple of years."
"Bad break up."
"At the same VH show and some how she is in the 2nd row while I was in the 300 level."
"Run into her just outside the venue with all of my friends and she with all of hers."
"She looks at me and smiles as she takes one of Eddie's picks out of her pocket to hand it to me and with a disgusted look says 'here... Now you can die', and goes to hand me the pick."
"Stops midway and says "wait... I'd rather you live knowing I have it. And I don't give a sh*t about it'."
"I stood like a moron for minutes."
"Worst burn/insult I have ever received. 30 years later, and my friends still laugh at me over it."- ThaddeusWerner
Van Halen GIFGiphyPride Is A Sin...
"My mom never treated my kids very well."
"Not *bad*, but she wasn't really very loving towards them."
"Mom and I were talking about my oldest, who was ~18 at the time, and had been dating the same guy for a few years."
"Mom says, 'So what's going on with <daughter> and <boyfriend>? Are they going to get married?'"
"I say, 'I don't know. I mean, it's possible."
"Mom says, 'I just don't know that I'm ready to be a Great Grandmother'."
"'Well, you could always try being a good one, first'."- gogozrx
As much as we'd like to commend these people for their cleverness, tearing people down still isn't a very nice thing to do, no matter the circumstance.
Leaving one to wonder if they would be equally good at creating clever and thoughtful compliments...
Or if they would linger in memory as long as the insults do...
Being at a loss for words can be incredibly frustrating.
Particularly when someone has just thrown an insult in your direction.
While your brain is simply screaming to take them down, sometimes it's just impossible to find the right words in the heat of the moment.
Redditor anonymoussalmon1 surveyed his fellow Redditors for the best comebacks that can be used at almost any time by asking :
"What are the best comebacks you know to any kind of insults?"
"I'll show you where you can put that..."
"I learned this in third grade:"
"If someone sticks their tongue out at you, say, 'No thanks...I use toilet paper'."
"They will never do it again. Works with ALL ages."- Sandpaper_Pants.
Inside joke.
"'OH now I see what people were talking about'."
"And never fill them in."- SprinklesMore8471.
Can I help you?
"If somebody says “'what are you looking at?', I respond with “'I’m asking myself the same thing'.”- MochaManBearPig.
That the best you've got?
"I’ve been called worse by better."- UltraaMilds.
"That might be hurtful if anyone gave a sh*t what you think."- PowerStacheOfTheYear.
Some people...
"'I envy the people who've never met you'."-Back2Bach.
What was that?
"I’m sorry I wasn’t listening."- LurkysGoCart.
Melissa Villasenor Oops GIF by Saturday Night LiveGiphyA comeback for a comeback.
"Not reeeeally an insult, but if someone says 'thats what she said!' I reply with a solid 'yeah, not to you.' "
"Never fails to amuse."- legitttz.
Daddy Issues.
"When somebody says, 'Do you know who my father is?' just reply, “why? Your mom didn’t tell you?'”- Doctor-Dragonborn.
Judge and be judged.
"'What people say about you was indeed the truth!'"
"Even if it's fake, it will eat anyone from inside thinking how they're being judged."- TunakYourLastTun.
Perhaps the most effective and efficient comeback seemed to escape the Reddit community.
Which is to simply walk away, and take the high road.
Then again, a good comeback should never be put to waste.
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You've probably had someone tell you "f*ck you" or to "go f*ck yourself" at least once or twice or ten times throughout your life and if you haven't, have you even lived?
But what do you say when you want to be smart and witty and want to shut someone down while you're at it?
After all, you can't just stand there, you probably should have a response lined up.
(Disclaimer: Know when to walk away, seriously.)
People shared their best suggestions with us after Redditor Bluephoenix681 asked the online community:
"What's the best response to 'f*ck you?'"
Clever.
"‘You want to what?’ Hopefully then the reply is another f*ck you."
divinetrackies
Hopefully – and when it does happen you must feel so powerful!
You could say this:
"In this economy?"
Trytek1986
I felt this in my soul.
The rent is too damn high.
Or this!
"Don’t threaten me with a good time."
Austintk
Who's to say it'd even be a good time, huh?
Ouch.
"Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night!"
catch10100
But then what do you say if they remark that their mom died?
The Welsh appreciate this joke.
"You'd never be satisfied with a sheep again."
citsonga_cixelsyd
Paging the Welsh – you must have a response to this joke.
You must.
Self deprecation.
"You wouldn't like it I just lay there."
Drongo11
Ummm... you might want to work on that, in that case.
How polite!
"Thank you."
Select_Coyote7644
Kill them with kindness.
They won't know what hit them.
Burn.
"You aren’t my type.”
Ape28Comoco
This is an excellent way to stop someone in their tracks.
This works, too.
"My go to response to statements like this is “I will try anything 4 times." Mainly causes confusion at first but tends to make people laugh."
juniorohio
Four times?
That's quite specific.
There's a story here, isn't there?
That's quite the claim.
"You’d never go back to women."
rogerofdale
I'm okay in this regard but thanks!
Next time someone tells you to go f*ck yourself, you'll be prepared, won't you?
Or just throw back another f*ck you or some other variation.
It's the most versatile swear word in the English language, after all.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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I love a good war of words. There should be a game show based on how everyone cuts the deepest and with style.
Can you imagine winning a million dollars for telling someone off?
I could die satisified.
The perfect way to use language in an insult has become an art form.
Especially when people who deserve a good tongue lashing can't tell they're being rightfully taken to task.
Redditorda-noob-manwanted to hear all the best verbal slings we love throwing. They asked:
"What is your signature insult?"
I've deserved several good insults thrown at me. I can be a bit a tantrum starter. And then I write down what I'm hit with and use on others.
Brainstorm
Mrw GIFGiphy"You only have two brain-cells, and they're both scrambling for third place." ~ Iloathwinter
"This reminds me of: 'you have two brain cells, one to keep a balance while walking and another not to poop on the floor.'" ~ L33K0R
Impossible...
"It’s impossible to underestimate you." ~ FourYearBeard
"Those who deserve this probably won't get it." ~ jennybella
"I'm so gonna use that." ~ AbaloneMore603
Say Sorry
"Go apologize to the trees for wasting the air they make for you." ~ abspencer22
"Drill sergeant in basic training made a guy apologize to all the trees for wasting their air. About 30 min of him running around yelling 'I'm sorry tree.'" ~ BjagzTTV
Kill It...
"You are a really good trier." ~ Roadkill_Bingo
"My wife tells me this... we were at a wedding last night and I thought I was killing it. We get back of the floor and sit at the table and I go..."
"I'm really feeling it tonight, I'm not a bad dancer..."
"She says..."
"Oh, hun...you're really good at trying."
"F**k... I love her." ~ KamikazeFox_
Envy
The Shade GIF by PepsiGiphy"I miss the time when I didn’t know you." ~ 221B_OO7
"Or, you can also say, I envy everyone who doesn’t know you." ~ dr4gonr1der
Ok, now, some of y'all are artists. Artists of the insult.
Fido Lerwks...
Dog GIF by ViralHogGiphy"If my dog looked like you I'd shave his butt and teach him to walk backwards." ~ jackatman
Good Days
“I hope you have the day you deserve.” ~ bigysmals
"This reminds me of what my grandmother would say to rude people, 'Well honey, I sure hope your day gets better.'" ~ milesunderground
“I hope you spend the rest of your life surrounded by people just like you.” ~ rawysocki
Bad Basics
"Wow, your signature looks like s**t." ~ whywasthatagoodidea
"I can't read or write cursive because i transferred schools before my past school taught it but after the other one had I still haven't learned it because I haven't found a need for it yet." ~ jershdahersh
The Great Battle
"I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person." ~ Bizzlebanger
"It's is easy to win an argument with a smart person but impossible to win an argument with an idiot, henceforth I withdraw from this debate." ~ Grim75
"My favorite response to this one: then stop looking into the mirror." ~ blueavole
Ouch
"You are not being the person that Mr. Rogers knew you can be." ~ IronChariots
"Damn that’s heavy, Ken. Especially since we always knew he loved us just the way we are, had our backs, but knew we could be so much more." ~ I_Call_Everyone_Ken
These Actors Were Perfectly Cast In Their Roles | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Sometimes an actor comes along that is able to reach the audience on a deeper level. The actor that immediately comes to mind is Robin Williams. Although it ...Relations
"Are your parents related or something?" ~ screwplease
"I said this to a kid when I worked in a toy store. His friend said 'is that what makes it so you can’t stop bleeding' and oh my God I made a mistake." ~ a**inyourpants
IQ Stat
"You have a room temperature IQ 'is pretty good.'" ~ BustyOgre
"I sure hope the speed limit is lower than your IQ, but I’m not holding out hope." ~ Patchy-Paladin20
PERFECT
"I hope you will have as pleasant a day as you are. Yes, I work in customer service." ~ Arazos93
"This. Is. Perfect. I'm gonna try to translate this to my own language and use it." ~ TheBirdGames
Crayola
girl GIFGiphy"I have nether the time nor the crayons to explain it to you." ~ crazy-jay1999
"When someone is giving a difficult time understanding notes I’m making for them, I like 'I’d use a crayon but I’m afraid you’d eat it.'" ~ Eljaynine
The Dance
"My expectations of your intelligence were low but damn, here you are, limbo dancing with the devil." ~ SwiftRoboWolfBlue
"Your version missed an important part of the joke. I believe the original quote is: 'The bar was so low it was a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are, limbo dancing with the devil.'" ~ MediocreHumanThing
Drop It
"You look like you drop common loot." ~ Ih8Evrythng
"Seriously underrated, that would speak volumes to any gaming community." ~ ExternalSad8524
Lead
"You have the personality of a pencil." ~ atomicrutabaga
"Maybe it’s the designer in me but i feel you could get really personal with this one. 'You have the personality of a 9b Pencil.' For someone really boring and really f**king wet behind the ears." ~ palov43075
So Low...
"When I'm in a place where I cant properly insult someone I call them an ankle, as in you're a proper ankle, it seems harmless but an ankle is lower than a c**t." ~ irishtemp
I just spit out my coffee. This has to be a game show. Y'all crazy.
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Whether the person delivering the remark is joking or dead serious and miserable, chances are that we'll be insulted plenty of times in our lives.
And the worst thing that can happen is to freeze.
Nobody wants to be a dear in the headlights when someone decided to bully them. Instead, it's best to be prepared.
A recent Reddit thread asked people to pool their best comebacks to insults they could come up with. Thanks to them, we can walk around stocked with some return fire on the occasion we do fall prey to a person's put downs.
Redditor Concert-Extra asked:
"What is your go-to comeback when insulted?"
Of course, there were plenty of witty one-liners proposed. The hope here is that wittiness of the comeback trumps the intelligence level of the insult that provoked it.
It's all math.
Firmly Mediocre
" 'I've been called worse by better men' " -- Atbunyar
"Stealing that, thanks" -- GSavvage
Getting Literal
"If they say 'fu** you.' I say 'not even if you paid me.' "
"I say, 'I'm not that desperate, and you're not that lucky...' " -- webjocky
Free Reign
"If the insult is funny / good, laugh with them. If it's bad, laugh at them, and just go 'you know what buddy, we'll give you another crack at that one if you'd like.' "
Others advocated against getting into the weeds with a counter-insult. Instead, they advised a response that, above all, thrived on its absurdity to leave the insulter as puzzled as possible.
Just Nothing
"Complete silence… let the uncomfortable sizzle and sink in. It's debilitating to the ego." -- LivingBeneficial3814
"That's what I do. Insults only have validity if the issuer thinks it worked." -- trenchfootflyfisher
Annoy, Annoy, Annoy
"Ask them to repeat themselves. Then do it again." -- Global-Ad404
"This is the best one because a good insult relies on timing. Having them repeat it makes it sound dumb and mean." -- Elephinker
Keep Pushing
"i just say 'and then?' and i keep saying it after every insult until they run out of insults." -- snodnif
"and theeeeeeeeeeeeeen?" -- Ninkaso
Finally, some advocated the "kill them with kindness" approach.
Opening Things Up
"When somebody is insulting me without any purpose, I just tell them 'bad day, huh?' "
"I swear, 90% of the people almost immediately calm down and even apologise to me, beacuse they seriously had a bad day and they just had too much bad energy without a way to let it go."
"There's no need to fight back, sometimes we need a good approach to end the argument and calm down the attacker."
-- W4rr3n00
BUD
"You doing alright, bud?" -- 7788445511220011
"Oooo the condescending use of 'bud.' Nice touch." -- Kuli24
"noooooooo not the BUD!!!! he's to evil to be left alive" -- Kbirt24
Wind Out of the Sails
"I don't get insulted often but the odd chance when it happens I say 'God Bless You' It either enrages them or they look confused for some reason."
-- Hopenomo
Here's to you leaving here with 10 comebacks in your back pocket.
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