Redditor Personthing23 asked everyone to share stories about times at work we still see in nightmares.
"What is your most disgusting work story?"
I have stories about blood, bile, and poop. Let's see what Reddit had to share!
At OfficeMax
Work Office GIF by BayWa AGGiphy"Probably gonna pale in comparison to some peoples stories, but one time when I was working at OfficeMax we checked the bathroom at the end of the day and there was just this absolutely gigantic poop clogging the toilet."
"No toilet paper, nothing else. Just this almost football sized poop vastly bigger than the hole for it to go down."
"All of us were just in absolute awe and disgust trying to figure out how someone could leave a crap that large. Also… who was gonna take care of it?"
"We all kept saying we didn’t want to deal with it, then this German guy who recently moved to America just came in with gloves and a plastic stick and just started grinding that crap up. I forget his name, but he had more balls than the rest of us. Very nice dude on top of that."
porridge_in_my_bum
The 3...
"I found 3 dead bodies at the job I worked after college. The first two were shocking but not surprising. They were old and as they were in a halfway home situation they had had rough lives. One died of heart failure and the other of respiratory arrest. Both messed me up for a couple days. The 3rd one still gives me nightmares. She had been dead in an unairconditioned room for three days."
"The post mortem contractions curled her into a ball (with her face pointed at the door so when I opened it she was staring at me with no eyes in her sockets) and she had begun to digest herself causing a black goo that went through the bed, box spring, and bed frame to make a puddle that ran up to the door. I quit that job about 6 weeks later. That was 20 years ago. Still see her in my nightmares sometimes."
"Edit: A lot of people have asked how she went three days without being checked on. So the facility I worked for was more like an apartment complex with mental health amenities. Like a halfway house. We made sure the grounds were clean and safe and the gates were locked and there were no drugs etc."
"There were also case managers on site at all times during the day. They provided the mental support. But there were some people who were taking their meds, and just living their lives. There were a few people I never had much interaction with because their work schedules were the same as mine."
Spodson
My heart dropped...
"I worked at a liquor store/gas station/deli combined. One night, the store was empty and a woman came in to just use the restroom - totally fine. 20 mins goes by and my co workers says, hey she hasn’t come out of there yet. 5 more minutes go by and she does emerge from the bathroom, but she’s walking out of the store smelling her hands like just double fisties to face and deep whiffing those bad boys and LOVING IT... my heart dropped."
"That woman went in and closed the toilet lid and sat on the upper deck (not open as well) and blasted diarrhea down the whole toilet. It looked like she clawed through her feces and then flung it into the sink, and didn’t wash her hands. Then she flushed her flag-sized undies down the toilet (or tried) and broke the pipes. I drew a freaking picture of her and hung it up that said ‘wanted: the serial pooper."
S**tstompd
Not just pee...
"Tattooed a lady. Small hummingbird on the shoulder. Finish up. 'Go check it out, let me know if you want to keep it!' (Haw haw) 'Oh thank you it looks gr-' (passes out, I catch her and lower her gently to the floor while I begin ensuring she isn’t seizing, asking coworker to grab a popsicle, etc) She pees herself in the few seconds this is occurring in. Husband comes into booth to check on her, slips in pee, falls down."
"I’m struggling to keep it together so nobody feels embarrassed. She comes to after a second. Stands up. Not just pee. S**t up her back and smeared into floor/bottom trim on the walls. Nobody says anything, they wrap her in husbands flannel, they pay and leave, I clean it up."
"Another possible candidate is the time I went to adjust an older style fan with a basically decorate shield, my hand slipped into the blades and splattered blood all over an older woman getting her first tattoo after like three lines were in. I had to go get stitches, she left. Never finished that tattoo."
Tsundoku_tt
MOOO AWAY!
Best Friends Dancing GIF by Art UKGiphy"I bent over to pick up a tool I dropped and a cow pooped in my but crack."
Bonhomme7h
Why is poop everywhere?!
wash/bleach
Keeping Up With The Kardashians Fight GIF by E!Giphy"I worked as a corrections officer in a maximum security prison. The first week I worked there an inmate collected and spread his poop all over the walls. It was in the air vent and everything. It is a health hazard so we had to clean it up. Me, being the new guy, was volunteered I would have to do it. I had to pressure wash/bleach and scrub the do-do."
Evilknarvel
'What? There? I don't see anything.'
"If I ever see that my old chef is working at a restaurant I'm eating at, I will walk out. I once told him that a big pot of stew that had been left in the fridge had some mould floating on the top. He got a spoon, started stirring it up saying, 'I can't see any mould.' No, because you just stirred it into the mix you a**ehole."
"Another time, I noticed a maggot crawling on a large chunk of chocolate. I pointed it out to him and he, I kid you not, squashed it with his finger under the guise of pointing to the area, and said, 'What? There? I don't see anything.' Then wiped off the remains as he removed his finger."
"Another time, he sliced cooked ham on the opposite side to a board that also contained raw chicken. Another time, a customer complained the fish was off. He actually tried to justify it by saying that fish was better if it had been hanging around for a while."
j-c-s-roberts
Haunted
"My first cockroach job as a pest control technician (exterminator) was one of the worse I’ve ever seen. My seasoned coworker pointed out that when people have severe roach problems, they tend to not have any hair on their face (no eyebrows/eyelashes/etc). When I went back, I noticed not a single family member had any kind of facial hair. Even the toddler had no eyelashes. Definitely still haunts me."
picklepotty121
In the Fire
"My grandfather was a fireman and they, along with police, and paramedics were called to a home of a lady who was severely obese, who couldn't fit through the door. The roof of the house had to be cut out and a crane had to lower a chain and whatever they managed to use as a stretcher to get her out."
"She couldn't even fit in the ambulance. She had mice living in her rolls of fat, with holes and infection all over her body from the mice. That doesn't include her other health problems."
theequeenbee3
Bad Rice
michel gondry lunch GIFGiphy"I used to be the front-end manager at a supermarket. One night I had to head back to the deli for some reason."
"As I made my way through the kitchen there was a bucket of rice on the floor that they used to make the rice dishes we served at the deli counter. To my surprise, two rats about the size of my hand jumped out of the rice and scurried under the oven."
"I told the deli manager the next day and he just brushed it off. Said he was aware of the issue. I'm 99 percent sure they still used that rice."
BearJewKnowsBest
I need to lie down. Thank God I work from home now.
Redditor MeMyselfAndI24 asked the online community:
"What's the best child friendly swear word/insult you've ever heard?"
"One day on the bus..."
"I was a C.I.T at a day camp and there was this young kid with anger issues. He would often get into fights with the other kids and would have frequent temper tantrums when things didn't go his way. One day on the bus he was sitting playing on his gameboy when the kid next to him starts drawing on a piece of paper. The boy with anger problems wanted a piece of paper and the other kid said no multiple times. Things got heated and the kid drawing said shut up. (I know, intense). In which the other kid screamed,"SUCK MY GAMEBOY!" Unsuccessfully tried to hold in my laughter."
"When I was 11..."
"When I was 11, my 8 year old sister and I were in a good natured TP battle with our neighbors a few doors down. One night we were doing the deed, when our 9-year-old neighbor, who was watching with his family, ran outside brandishing a fake cane yelling in a really good impersonation of an old man voice, "get offer mah lawn you bunch of squirrelly cumquats!" I remember skittering home, hearing his mom laughing her head off. I'm pretty sure he made that up himself."
"When I was..."
"When I was 6 years-old, my childhood best friend taught me the phrase, "Get out of my face, Face!"
"It's so stupid, but I still think it to myself sometimes when I'm in a crowded area and people are in my personal bubble."
"One of the little kids..."
"One of the little kids I looked after was extremely mad at me one day. Pretty sure she was offended by my saying no to her. She glared at me, stomped her foot and called me "Mayor Humdinger". For the non familiar Mayor Humdinger is the antagonist on Paw Patrol. I lost it, it was hilarious."
"Was skating with a buddy..."
Giphy"You're an immature nugget!"
"Was skating with a buddy and we passed 2 little kids, one kid called the other an idiot and he promptly shot back with immature nugget. That was well over 10 years ago and that's still our go to insult for each other."
"...and it stung..."
"My niece called me "Walmart face" recently and it stung more than I'd like to admit."
"My nephew once called..."
"My nephew once called my dad a chicken nugget. One of the few times I've seen my dad speechless."
"My coworker told me..."
"My coworker told me that her preschooler learned to say "I'll pray for you," but that it comes out as the most shade throwing side-eyed insult ever."
"When my 4 year old nephew..."
"When my 4 year old nephew is mad at you, he calls you a hot dog booty. It's now part of our vocabulary."
"Always good for a laugh."
"Shut up as a noun. "He's being a shut up!" .... "Don't be such a shut up!" Kids are grown and married now, but sometimes one of them or my wife will still use this stinging epithet on one another. Always good for a laugh."
"I've called my friends..."
"My 11 year old sister has been calling me "bumbo" instead of dumbo for the last few years. Now I call her "bumbo" in situations where it is deserved. I've called my friends "bumbo" when they kill me in Shellshock. They've all now started using "bumbo."
"My friend's little cousin..."
"My friend's little cousin used to say 'Ow Chicken Noodle' every time that she got hurt. It makes me crack up every time we bring it up."
"My uncle once told me..."
"My uncle once told me that he got in trouble for calling his brother a "zonedweeby" and I nearly pissed myself laughing about it when he told me."
"I was in a bad mood..."
"I was in a bad mood and my 3 year old brother asked me, in these exact words, "do you have a guitar string up your butt or something?" I still don't understand where that came from but, hey, I was in a better mood after that."
"I was on a bus..."
"I was on a bus and two random people behind me started an argument and one of them said something in the lines of "I don't even know why I'm trying to explain such simple things to you buddy, pretty sure your mother drinks pasta water."
"I turned back and high fived this guy. Still my hero!"
"My friend's sister..."
"My friend's sister called me a "Stinky Nun" over discord. I don't even remember what I did, she just got close to the mic and then I heard "YoU sTiNkY nUn."
"I was waiting in line..."
"I was waiting in line to use the slide for my buddies pool at his party. His cousin was six at the time and cut in front of me, sat on slide and prepared to descend."
"I asked him playfully, "What gives you the authority to cut, little guy?"
"He responded, "Because sniper rhymes with diaper!" And pushed off, down the slide."
"Can't argue with that logic."
"My three-year-old..."
"My three-year-old recently called my five year old a "meanie weanie tortellini."
We are talking notes on all of these! Sometimes kids can really cut to the bone.
Do you have similar insults to share? Let us know in the comments below.
