You've probably had someone tell you "f*ck you" or to "go f*ck yourself" at least once or twice or ten times throughout your life and if you haven't, have you even lived?
But what do you say when you want to be smart and witty and want to shut someone down while you're at it?
After all, you can't just stand there, you probably should have a response lined up.
(Disclaimer: Know when to walk away, seriously.)
People shared their best suggestions with us after Redditor Bluephoenix681 asked the online community:
"What's the best response to 'f*ck you?'"
Clever.
"‘You want to what?’ Hopefully then the reply is another f*ck you."
divinetrackies
Hopefully – and when it does happen you must feel so powerful!
You could say this:
"In this economy?"
Trytek1986
I felt this in my soul.
The rent is too damn high.
Or this!
"Don’t threaten me with a good time."
Austintk
Who's to say it'd even be a good time, huh?
Ouch.
"Tell your mom to top up the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night!"
catch10100
But then what do you say if they remark that their mom died?
The Welsh appreciate this joke.
"You'd never be satisfied with a sheep again."
citsonga_cixelsyd
Paging the Welsh – you must have a response to this joke.
You must.
Self deprecation.
"You wouldn't like it I just lay there."
Drongo11
Ummm... you might want to work on that, in that case.
How polite!
"Thank you."
Select_Coyote7644
Kill them with kindness.
They won't know what hit them.
Burn.
"You aren’t my type.”
Ape28Comoco
This is an excellent way to stop someone in their tracks.
This works, too.
"My go to response to statements like this is “I will try anything 4 times." Mainly causes confusion at first but tends to make people laugh."
juniorohio
Four times?
That's quite specific.
There's a story here, isn't there?
That's quite the claim.
"You’d never go back to women."
rogerofdale
I'm okay in this regard but thanks!
Next time someone tells you to go f*ck yourself, you'll be prepared, won't you?
Or just throw back another f*ck you or some other variation.
It's the most versatile swear word in the English language, after all.
Have some suggestions of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
They say that no matter how close you feel, you never really know somebody.
Many dismiss the axiom as bleak and pessimistic. Maybe it's based on a very specific and biased sample of adage users who have particularly bad friends, families or marriages.
But there do exist so many horror stories of people's true colors gaining sudden exposure. Moments like that make one wonder, "Is this the fluke, or was all this time before now the fluke?"
Reddit is apparently full of people who've been forced to navigate that mind-trip.
u/Wide_Stop asked, "Has a friend ever done/said something that just straight up ended the friendship?"
Kinda Missing the Point There
I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. He got annoyed at something I said at Baskin Robins and threw me against a table and then down on the floor.
Friend told me that she didn't want to hear it and that I had no right to complain because unlike her, at least I had a boyfriend.
What Was the Goal Here?
My best mate's now ex girlfriend told everyone I had sex with her while they were dating, when I definitely had not.
She was the most irritating person I'd ever met and I don't know if I've ever been attracted to someone less than I was to her.
Ruined our friendship and destroyed her relationship with my mate.
The Finishing Blow
I have chronic health issues, and my best friend was trying to get me to drive 30 minutes to her house to go swimming when I had to pack to leave town the next day.
She kept pushing and pushing, but when she finally realized I wasn't going to agree, she sat back and said, "You wouldn't be any fun even if you HAD your health."
Not the Time for Passive Aggression
I got assaulted by two guys in a summer camp and told it to my best friend. After calling me stupid for letting that happen, she apologized and I forgave her.
Then I saw her parents who asked how summer camp went and all she did was turn to me and go "well, you made many friends, didn't you?"
Does Not Make the Cut for 'Support System'
She told me to never speak to her again after she learned I was hearing voices.
One-Sided Confiding
Best friend and ex-coworker of 5 years. Confided in her and told her about my self harming, depression and stuff I went through as a child (you can imagine).
Two days later she not only told the whole of my old work place but told my family, too.
Easy Money
Didn't love my dog when he was dog sitting, carelessly let her run away, then failed to look for her. My surveillance cameras caught it all... I was PISSED.
Friendship over.
"Cigars, drinks, travel"--the Necessities
We had one friend that said he fell on bad times with money, so we paid everything for him during the next couple of months (drinks, cigars, travel).
After a few months we found out he was going out with new people all that time and was acting rich in front of them with all the money he was saving by scamming us.
Relationship Destruction in the Digital Age
An ex-friend of mine was pushing me for inappropriate images under the flimsy guise of "joking", seemingly out of nowhere.
Then one day I got an image text; it was his manhood outlined in gym shorts and a sad and completely see through fish for compliments, then the most pathetic backpedal of the century.
Gotta Read the Fine Print
She posted a video from The Onion of a fake Senator reading a fake bill.
I commented that it was a satire video and not real. She got super mad and accused me of trying to make her look stupid. She said there was no way she could've known.
"The Onion" was in the bottom right hand corner of the video.
Hard to Bury the Hatchet on That One
In college, a former friend tried to have sex with me (I'm also a guy) while I was black out drunk (He was not drunk).
He did that despite knowing I am straight and had a girlfriend at the time.
A Not-So-Tasteful Swap
"Yeah dude so hey, Brent (his soon-to-be wifes best guy friend/100% ex f**k buddy/guy he's known for less than 3 months), really wanted to be in the wedding and i was wondering if it would be cool if he took your spot and i can see if any of her cousins backed out and if there's a seat open somewhere"
When God is Your Favorite Friend
My cousin and I were inseparable as teens. He went on his mission (Mormon) and I went to hang out for a few days when he got back, I was so excited.
He decided to tell me what a piece of trash I am and I'm going to hell because I'm gay.
Kinda Hammers it Home, Eh?
I've had friends just straight up stop talking to me which I guess is a strong indicator that our friendship is over
How Quickly We Forget
My best friend quit as the best man of my wedding 2 weeks before weddings day.
Why did he quit? His new girlfriend doesn't like me.
Accessory After the Fact?
When I was about 15 or 16 my friend confided in me that she had made out with a 10 year old boy.
When I told her that was fu**ed, she defended herself by saying he was cute. I distanced myself from her for the rest of school and haven't spoken to her since.
Babies Are People Too!
Yup. She said she was going to kill herself because of me. All I did was plan an event her baby couldn't come to.
Ya Never Know Who's Listening...
I had a friend was on the phone with my brother who was hanging out with me and my ex gf.
He was on speaker but didnt know, and asked my brother of he was going to try to sleep with my gf... which all 3 of us heard.
Sharon Stone Is Back On The Dating App Bumble After She Called Them Out For Blocking Her Account
Sharon Stone is out here, sexagenarian (that's an age reference), still stunning, single and trying to live her best life.
But now she has to get past big tech too.
Absolutely no issue though for Stone.
Did you even see Basic Instinct?!
This woman is unstoppable.
Apparently, Stone was booted from the dating app Bumble after several users complained that her profile seemed fake.
And Sharon Stone was NOT having it.
She took to twitter shortly after she was blocked, even posting the very message she received on her Bumble account.
https://t.co/wrsFpTkygp— Sharon Stone (@Sharon Stone) 1577688486.0
Asking, "Hey @bumble, is being me exclusionary?" Stone raises an interesting dilemma.
What if hugely popular movie stars do want to simply mingle on a dating app with normal people, go on shot in the dark dates, and see where it all goes?
Can someone like Sharon Stone—who recently became single again, and is LOVING it—partake in life like the rest of us?
Of course, Bumble unblocked her account within a few hours.
@sharonstone @bumble AHA! @sharonstone, we at @bumble found your account, unblocked you, and ensured this won't hap… https://t.co/xCSTmh2BWY— Clare O'Connor (@Clare O'Connor) 1577697960.0
But in that approximately 3 hour hang time between blockage and unblock-age, twitter went wild about the whole thing.
@sharonstone @bumble Perhaps you could try walking up to any person in the entire universe and saying “Hi, I’m Shar… https://t.co/UEnrzK0ZV4— Liddle’ Savage (@Liddle’ Savage) 1577708775.0
@sharonstone @bumble hello sharon if youre ever in buffalo and kinda dig fat guys with mustaches my dms are open… https://t.co/oqN7zb3ONN— StachesStashes (@StachesStashes) 1577687138.0
@sharonstone @bumble *joins the Twitter queue offering to take you on a date* https://t.co/MJ07F1Oc6C— Gregg 🏴 (@Gregg 🏴) 1577691820.0
@sharonstone @bumble Lordt the men on this thread trying to get with Sharon Stone ... https://t.co/vy7S0Coafd— Welsh G. (@Welsh G.) 1577693552.0
@sharonstone @bumble The good news: Sharon Stone’s @bumble account restored. The bad news: Bumble’s servers can’t… https://t.co/GTowurna5K— 🏝 Kim (@🏝 Kim) 1577706099.0
Now we can all rest easy knowing that Sharon Stone *might* find herself a new year's date on Bumble.
Good luck folks!
You're welcome.
In almost entirely unrelated further reading, check out this satire piece that claims Stone is the prime suspect in that Cannes jewel heist case.
And you can get the film that made Stone a household name, Basic Instinct, here.
AXE Just Obliterated A 'Straight Pride' Supporter After She Called Them Out For Only Supporting Gay Pride
AXE men's body products swung down hard on a "straight pride" supporter who called out the male grooming company for exclusively supporting LGBTQ Pride.
A group in Boston touting themselves as "Super Happy Fun America" plans to undermine Pride celebrations this month by pushing for a "straight pride" parade.
Beantown has as yet not granted them a permit despite the group's announcement for their counter-gay pride parade.
According to Buzzfeed News, the group's website states that they exist to "celebrate the diverse history, culture, and contributions of the straight community."
On Twitter, Tony Posnanski suggested floats that could be represented in the "straight parade," including a "Giant AXE body spray."
Floats for the Straight Pride Parade... - Giant AXE body spray - Bag of Doritos - Big Mountain Dew - Tomi Lahren… https://t.co/82EiLJXOO1— Tony Posnanski (@Tony Posnanski) 1559674505
AXE, however, had no interest in being included in their lineup though, even as a joke.
They clarified they would only be attending "the parade that matters and this one isn't it."
@tonyposnanski we’ll be at the parade that matters and this one isn’t it— AXE (@AXE) 1559740560
Tony responded with his approval.
Jill Lennon, however, was not amused.
She accused the brand of being "uninclusive" and "intolerant" and threatened to ditch using AXE products.
"Good to know you don't support straight people. How very uninclusive and intolerant of you. My straight son and my straight partner have decided to no longer use your products, since you don't support them. I'm glad, because I think @Axe smells like garbage. #stayoutofpolitics"
AXE sprayed back and clarified the meaning of gay rights for her.
@karmatastrophe @tonyposnanski Gay rights are human rights but go off jill— AXE (@AXE) 1559743949
Axe’s second reply is 💯 https://t.co/mwUtVv1fKS— Yashar Ali 🐘 (@Yashar Ali 🐘) 1559745288
Tony, the original poster who started the thread, also had an instruction for Jill.
@tonyposnanski/Twitter
AXE is winning and now consumers—including women—are reconsidering their grooming regimen.
@Meandtruman1010 @tonyposnanski @karmatastrophe @AXE Oh I might have to ditch the @OldSpice for this— 5Ps (@5Ps) 1559745736
@AXE @tonyposnanski So @AXE...how about a lightly scented body wash...call it “Go Off”?— Dawn (@Dawn) 1559746576
@elizabethdawn @AXE @tonyposnanski Make it unisex and I will happily buy it to support this company!!— Ellis Crane (@Ellis Crane) 1559749575
Whoever Jill is, she's quickly becoming unpopular for her swipe at the LGBTQ community.
People remembered to go fetch something at the drug store.
@AXE @tonyposnanski @karmatastrophe Brb, off to buy my son more AXE products— Rhonda Rowe Evans (@Rhonda Rowe Evans) 1559746180
@ronni4cy @AXE @tonyposnanski @karmatastrophe Brb, off to buy my daughter AXE products <3— Kelli_Zombi (@Kelli_Zombi) 1559748188
Mark Sahady, the vice president of "Super Happy Fun America," claimed the group would be working with the city of Boston to organize the "Straight Parade."
He also claimed the group filed a "discrimination complaint" against the city and said that "it appears the City of Boston understands they would lose in litigation."
Sahady said the straight parade will take place on August 31 and provided a screenshot with the planned parade route.
He added:
"If you would like to come as an individual, march as a group, or bring a float or vehicle, then get in touch. This is our chance to have a patriotic parade in Boston as we celebrate straight pride."
New York Times editor Carolyn Ryan shared a screenshot of Sahady's Facebook post.
“Straight Pride” parade planned in Boston. With floats. https://t.co/JcTsGRjNPn— carolynryan 🏳️🌈🏓 (@carolynryan 🏳️🌈🏓) 1559657956
Her viral post was flooded with comments rejecting the parade.
@jennydeluxe @carolynryan Lame music. Lame outfits. Who would even go to this?— The Volatile Mermaid (@The Volatile Mermaid) 1559663693
@OhNoSheTwitnt @jennydeluxe @carolynryan My guess? The same ppl that ask “why isn’t there a *white* history month?”🤷🏼♀️— KathiInCali (@🏠) (@KathiInCali (@🏠)) 1559664505
@KathiInCali @jennydeluxe @carolynryan “What about heterophobia and reverse racism and toxic femininity?” 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄… https://t.co/EBhi34DJY1— The Volatile Mermaid (@The Volatile Mermaid) 1559665780
@OhNoSheTwitnt @KathiInCali @jennydeluxe @carolynryan https://t.co/iJdSausgdY— (RP) The OG Sexual Anarchist Patronus 🇺🇦🦄💫 (@(RP) The OG Sexual Anarchist Patronus 🇺🇦🦄💫) 1559666957
But some people get the point of celebrations for historically marginalized groups.
@yashar @AXE When did they start taking straight people rights away...I'm straight & I miss when my right were unde… https://t.co/VvqeqEdIqC— Righteous Woman (@Righteous Woman) 1559756289
And people spoke up, like author James Fell who shared why he won't be celebrating pride over his heterosexuality.
On Boston's "Straight Pride Parade." https://t.co/VBndnrpYlo— James Fell (@James Fell) 1559675645
The health and fitness writer posted:
"It's official. Boston is going to have a 'Straight Pride Parade'."
"I'm straight. I like being straight. A big reason why I like being straight is that I've never once experienced bigotry for my sexuality. I didn't have to fight for my right to marry the person of my choosing."
"I didn't have to concern myself with being beaten or killed because others didn't accept who I wanted to sleep with. I didn't have to stay closeted out of fear, or worry about the reaction of my family, friends, or colleagues by coming out."
"I never got called a slur for being straight. No one told me I'm going to burn in hell for being straight."
"There aren't any programs where I could be sent to be tortured into no longer being straight. There aren't any countries where you can be put to death simply for being straight."
"There is nothing I ever had to fight for, or struggle against, because I'm straight. And therefore, there isn't any reason to take pride in it. Grateful for the privileges I get? Sure. But pride? I don't see it."
"What I do see is that this parade is misnamed. It's not a 'Straight Pride Parade.' It should be called a 'I'm a homophobic piece of sh*t' parade."
Those who have an axe to grind about homosexuality and gender identity reek.
We're so glad to have AXE as an ally to obliterate foul odors of ALL kinds.
J.K. Rowling Crushes Troll Who Criticizes Her After She Gives Writing Advice To Her Fans 🔥
It should be common sense to not pick a fight of words with an author, right? They practice with those weapons for a living. An anonymous troll learned the hard way not to try and spew hate at J.K. Rowling.
Earlier this week, Rowling posted a tweet about writing advice. Like many famous authors, Rowling is often asked about how to write and what rules she uses.
While she's not a big fan of rules, she does have some advice.
I’m often asked questions about writing, so here are some answers too long for Twitter! https://t.co/atmzlUy2Cj— J.K. Rowling (@J.K. Rowling) 1546931418.0
The response was very appreciated among her fans.
@jk_rowling The thing I like the most is that it's not, 'THIS IS THE GOLDEN RULE' but it's very 'you will find your own way, keep going'.— Bohdi Byles 🌈✨💛 (@Bohdi Byles 🌈✨💛) 1546931488.0
@jk_rowling This is just what I needed as I feel like I’ve let my own fear of bad writing stop me from actually get… https://t.co/rkWoVXAH8O— Monse Ramirez (@Monse Ramirez) 1546933150.0
@jk_rowling Thank you so much for rejecting those "10 Golden Rules" posts... I always felt like they would create t… https://t.co/GVdV5KlVeb— DeinTerrorpeut (@DeinTerrorpeut) 1546934030.0
@jk_rowling "Forget the 'must do's' and concentrate on the 'you probably won't get far withouts'"=My new, life-mantra— Angel Chaparro (@Angel Chaparro) 1546987591.0
Rowling even took some time out to respond to tweets directly.
Thank you! From talking to other writers I know that we all have very different processes. The only thing that work… https://t.co/Ig5nuSLDt1— J.K. Rowling (@J.K. Rowling) 1546932107.0
I’ve always loved Steve Martin’s line: ‘Be so good they can’t ignore you.’ https://t.co/Ty8xhdhp1Y— J.K. Rowling (@J.K. Rowling) 1546932883.0
However, here's where things take a turn. A Twitter user thought he could get away with questioning her writing and political views in a very rude way.
Spoiler Alert: He couldn't.
Question 1: I do the best I can with the talent I’ve got, but I know my writing isn’t to everyone’s taste. Question… https://t.co/P694ntBKvG— J.K. Rowling (@J.K. Rowling) 1546934321.0
The troll tries accusing Rowling's writing of being "shit" and the writer herself of being "politically delusional". Rowling is not having any of it.
Despite the questions being very uncivil, Rowling responded very politely, taking each question at its word. That is until you get to the "implied" third question where she calls out the troll for what he is.
You don't get to be the queen of writing for nothing.
@jk_rowling 1. Thank you for the gift of advice. 2. Thank you for having the courage to express you views in an ope… https://t.co/UbkrpnJSmk— Adrienne Matheson (@Adrienne Matheson) 1546935313.0
@jk_rowling That's why J. K. Rowling was, is and stays the queen.— Hannah (@Hannah) 1546934378.0
@jk_rowling Clearly not everyone is going to enjoy another work and success, but the simple FACT is you bloody well… https://t.co/1x9g1xhG9j— Dustin Waltz (@Dustin Waltz) 1546934621.0
@jk_rowling Madam, you are flawless. A truly classy lady. Thanks for all you've given and continue to give. You're a blessing.— Lugubrious (@Lugubrious) 1546938464.0
@tayl3r_k @jk_rowling Totally agree, like they aren’t citizens !— Laurie (@Laurie) 1546942963.0
The author of the Harry Potter series, Rowling is known for her sly wit when responding to trolls. She had an extended feud with Piers Morgan where she got him to unknowingly insult his own former glowing review of her success. And she's taken particular aim at President Donald Trump when he goes on his twitter rampages.