Curious to hear from strangers online, Redditor SafetySnorkel asked:
"What are some signs you should NOT become a parent?"
These are the wrong reasons for people to decided to have kids.
Feeling The Pressure
"If you're doing it just because everyone else is."
– EllsyP0
"On top of that, if your religion really pushes for it, it's okay to say no thanks. Yes, children will bring great joy and blessings into your life, but uh, I like having free time. And if I think I'll be a bad parent, then why chance it?"
– stealth57
The Wrong Backup Plan
"if you do it in the hopes of 'saving' or 'advancing' your relationship, or if you wish to 'compensate' for perceived lack of personal achievements."
– Comprehensive_Day511
It's Teamwork
"Want to exacerbate the bad things in your relationship? Put a baby in the middle of it. If you weren't getting along before, you sure as sh*t aren't going to get a long better on half as much sleep and quadruple the stress."
– SeeYouOn16
Mental and emotional well-being were mentioned as a prerequisite to parenting.
First Things First
"If you can't look after yourself first."
– whetstonereek
"This is the most important one. You will have a hard time caring for someone else if you are struggeling with life yourself."
– MyNameIsMikeAswell
No Regrets
"In my 50s and life has been a roller-coaster. One thing which can cheer me up a bit when I’m at the lows is remembering: At leadt I don’t have any kids. They would be messed up and angry and it’s likely I’d be facing charges for neglect."
– LanceFree
If your fit the following descriptions, you're definitely not a parent-person.
The Wrong Approach To Raising Kids
"You view your child as a mould in which you can shape, alter, and control, pinning all of your failed aspirations and ambitions on them and forcing them to be something they are not."
"Rather than acknowledging your role as a guide, motivator, and a pillar of support to help them discover and forge their own identity and loving them even more because of it."
– SublimeVibe
Mind Is Made Up
"Not wanting kids."
– W-S_Wannabe
"I’ll take it further:"
"If you aren’t 100% sure that you want kids, and aren’t willing to sacrifice most of your life to do so, even if they end up being special needs or difficult, then you shouldn’t have them."
– justwalkingalonghere
Thinking About A Kid's Perspective
"I tell people this all the time. You need to really want to have kids. It’s hard to be a good parent even if you want them, if you don’t want them it’s impossible. It’s not fair to the children to bring them into this world without parents that are motivated to parent them."
– Salt_peanuts
This can breed resentment once a child becomes an adult.
A Caution
"If you’re thinking of having kids so they can be your retirement plan then please. Don’t."
– Pizzawithchickensoup
"Dealing with this right now with my in-laws. Damn glad husband has a spine though, but it's sad to hear the repeating arguments over and over again."
– kindadeadly
Discussing The Future
"Point blank told my dad to pick out his own nursing home and caregiving services when he retired so we would have a plan when he starts eventually declining. 'We are your daughters, not your caretakers.'"
– acc6494
The best barometer I've had indicating that I'm not capable of being a good parent is my gut reaction to kid tantrums in public.
I often see parents being paralyzed when a child is screaming at the top of their tiny lungs and are too afraid to deescalate the distressing situation for fear of being judged by others.
If you spank them, that's abuse. If you yell at them, you're an unfit parent. If you ignore the circumstances hoping the child would calm down on its own, you don't have a backbone and are regarded as a coward.
I've heard all three judgments mumbled by others who are watching. And I would definitely commit one of my reactions to a wailing kid in a grocery store with all eyes on me.
The fact that I'm too concerned about my disciplinary response, or lack thereof, and what people will think of me instead is a good indication that I still make it all about me.
Yeah, I'm not parenting material, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
