So Redditor Ekudar asked:
"What made you not want to have kids?"
So much work...
"To be honest, I'm too lazy to be a parent."
"Plus I'm terrified of the idea of pregnancy and labor."
- _elisheba_
GiphyKnow your limitations...
"When I realised that having a kid would mean that kid would have me as a parent."
- WhyDoIHaveRules
Not ready...
"This lowkey scared tf out of me. Made me imagine myself being responsible for another human being… and all of their life experiences, and providing for all of their needs, and wants?
"Oh my God. No."
"Kids are an amazing treasure, but you have to be mentally, financially, and emotionally sound for them. Because it’s no longer YOUR life. You can’t transfer your bullsh*t onto them—because they’ll end up dealing with that when they’re older."
Giphy"In an ideal world, I’d love to have a kid. But pregnancy/labor scares me, I’m not mentally ready, not financially prepared, I like my alone time, I do NOT have the patience, I’m far too selfish, I can’t cook, and honestly—I love my cat more."
"In my head it seems nice. But that’s not reality. And that’s not fair to a human life. The maternal instinct is there, but my own selfish wants/needs right now outweigh any want for a kid."
- Abandoned_Asylum
Never my dream...
"I never decided to not have kids. Kind of assumes I wanted some then something changed my mind."
"I don't want kids because I never have wanted kids. I've never felt any longing or fondness for babies. No part of having children ever appealed to me."
"I don't feel the need to force myself to have kids despite all the pressure from family and friends, so I made sure I never had any."
- LakotaGrl
Giphy$$$...
"I'm broke and I hate noise."
- quantum_ice
Sssshhhh...
"The sheer fact that I enjoy peace and quiet is enough.
"I love my godson and would die to protect him but I don’t want him living with me (godfather responsibilities aside)."
- HellfireKyuubi
So much to worry about...
"Lack of freedom especially to travel, constantly worrying about someone else/being responsible for them, the state of the world, my own mental health stuff that can be genetic, knowing pregnancy is incredibly dangerous, having 4 friends very recently have their first children and seeing them miserable, the idea of forever being a mom."
"It's all overwhelming.
"Plus I see kids everyday with behavioral and mental health problems. I kinda just don't want to risk that being my kid."
- AmeslJ55
...when people who probably shouldn't have had kids do...
"Ugh. Teaching them to read, acting as a lifeguard any time we were around water, trying to patch their wounds or reassure them school isn’t so scary…"
"My brother is dyslexic and my sister has a learning disability. I taught them both to write their names and would always help them with homework before working on my own."
"I don’t recall my parents being anywhere nearby in 95% of my childhood memories."
"I love kids but the stress of raising kids as a kid has deterred me from ever even considering that sort of responsibility again."
- livelaughween
"My mother's mental illness left the lion's share of supervision and housekeeping to me at the expense of my own education (we also had not nearly enough resources for the number of children)."
"The despair of those years turned me off ever being responsible for a child again. I love my siblings with all my heart, but they nearly broke me."
- PixieDrifter
Not my dream, Part 2...
"Honestly, no idea."
"Just never envisioned a future with children."
- MultipleHipFlasks
...and Part 3.
"The idea of having kids never entered my mind, unless other people brought it up.
"I married a woman who had mostly grown kids, so it was just a couple years of taking care of them and that was it."
"I have grandkids now, and every time they visit, I'm grateful I never had kids of my own. My stepkids are exhausted, broke financially, and always on the go."
"I'm more than happy to sit in my chair, watch movies, play video games, and max chill."
- Jeremy_Smith75
Society pressures people to procreate, but if it's not for you, then you do you.
Just say no to unwanted children.
Increasingly, people are making the conscious choice to live child-free.
Reddit user "foxscream" wanted to know the reasons, so they just asked. Clear communication, we love that for them.
"People who don't ever want to have kids, why?"
So if you've ever wanted to know - now's your chance. It turns out "you're just selfish" and "you'll change your mind" aren't really effective arguments. People have real, legitimate, reasons.
The Gene Thing
Art Design GIF by dualvoidanimaGiphy"It's expensive and I don't wanna pass on my genes in particular." - mie11004
"The gene thing in particular hits me hard. I have an incurable autoimmune disease, and there's at least a 20% chance I pass the disease I have on to my children, and not to mention the possibility of an even more severe autoimmune disease like lupus."
"I don't think I'd ever be able to forgive myself if I passed that on to a child, especially with how much I struggle with my own disease. It's one of the issues that bothers me most about whether I want to have kids or not." - casswie
Cutting Off The Cycle
Stop It Demi Lovato GIF by The Roku ChannelGiphy"In psych class we learned about a study where they separated monkeys from their mothers at birth. The monkeys grew to be anxious and twitchy."
"When those monkeys had their own kids, the mothers didn't know how to care for them."
"I was raised horribly so I don't know how to raise someone well. My parents had children even though their parents abused them. My grandparents' parents probably also abused them. I'm just cutting off the cycle." - Spencer2091
Keeping It Simple
Happy Let Go GIF by Jamie N CommonsGiphy"Freedom."
"My husband and I would probably be pretty good parents and we're in a good spot financially, but we feel complete with each other. We have fun together and want to spend the rest of our lives without the responsibility and stress of kids." - billieaspen515
"This is my husband and me too. We love our life as just the two of us (plus our dog)."
"It's wonderful that we can, for instance, wake up whenever on a Saturday morning and say 'what do you want to do today?'
"We also do not feel like we're missing out by not having kids. If our friends have kids, then we plan to be awesome aunt and uncle to them." - moosetopenguin
In This Economy?
no money GIF by Monólogos sin PropinaGiphy"Kids? In this economy?"
"No, I'll just settle for my cat." - AllWomenAreQueens
"My friend will be a parent next month. He and his wife are both doing fine with good-paying jobs of more than $55k."
"They ran the numbers and found that with one kid they can opt for day care. But if they had twins+ or decide to have another child one of them would need to become a stay-at-home parent because the second income wouldn't be enough to cover 2 kids in daycare."
"That's not including things like... Braces... Teenage food intake. Band or a sport or an extra curriculum activity."
"It boggles the mind." - Feralbritches1
Children Deserve
baby laughing GIFGiphy"Because I believe that children deserve parents that will love them, always put them first, spend quality time with them and make sacrifices so that their children can have the best opportunities. But at the same time have the strength to set boundaries and discipline them in a healthy way so that they grow into good human beings."
"Also because I don't currently have a partner or much financial stability in my life at this stage and I don't want to be a single parent or bring a child into the world if I'm not in a position to provide for them."
"And I don't trust myself to be unselfish enough to be everything that I believe a child deserves. I sometimes catch myself thinking that children might be nice; but until I'm sure of myself, financially stable and in a steady relationship a child is unlikely to be in the picture." - VixterLKirby
Pregnancy And Birth
Baby Belly GIFGiphy"Birth and even the stuff that happens before birth always struck me as being a type of body horror. There's a part of me that thinks I would freak the f*ck out if I tried or was forced to carry a pregnancy to term." - mahoujosei100
"My aunt became pregnant when I was 16. I remember one day she came into my bedroom and said 'Hey! Check this out!!' and lifted her shirt."
"Her belly was rippling and moving. You could see huge bumps moving across her skin. At one point, I swear I saw the outline of a tiny footprint for a few seconds."
"She thought it was adorable. I couldn't bear to look at, let alone touch, her stomach."
"She insisted that it didn't hurt at all, but it honestly looked like something from the movie 'alien'. If you're really curious, you can look up videos of babies kicking from inside the womb on YouTube to get an idea of what I'm describing."
"I decided there and then that I did not want kids. It was honestly a relief when I realized I was a lesbian and that I would never accidentally become pregnant."
"Pregnancy is absolutely a form of body horror. I don't think I would be able to even look at my own belly if I ever somehow became pregnant." - travellingcats
All These Milestones
Still Waiting GIFGiphy"Lack of desire to become a parent or have kids."
"You know how some people want kids so bad, they suffer mentally and emotionally from not having them or knowing they can't have them?"
"How people say they feel hormonal, wanting kids real bad, they can't control it? Their ovaries are exploding? Baby fever? Or any other colloquialism about wanting to have a baby real soon?"
"Never had that."
"People kept telling me that as I'd grow older, would reach my 30s, find my soulmate, my friends start having children, etc., I would start to have that feeling."
"I went through all these milestones and I still do NOT have that desire for kids. And I don't think it's necessary to have kids if one does not have the desire for it."
"Kids should be wanted." - ChibiSailorMercury
Before we go, I thought it was important to take a moment, as a parent, to speak up and say kids are some of my favorite humans. They're amazing. They're hilarious. They have so much to teach us.
And they absolutely SHOULD be a thing you put serious thought into before you have them. Choosing not to have them is valid AF.
Parenting is hard. The way kids have zero sense of self-preservation is one of the most magically frustrating things I've ever witnessed. How has humanity survived if children are like this? Just kickflipping off the appliances ...
Just because parenting is satisfying and rewarding doesn't make it easier, but don't listen to me. Some other parents wanted to chime in on the thread.
From The Parents
Tired Episode 2 GIF by FriendsGiphy"I have kids and never wanted kids. If you don't want kids, please don't have kids." They're adults(ish) now.
"I always laugh when I hear someone say 'No regrets.' I have long lists of them but looking at my kids now I would say no, I don't regret having them."
"That's said, if I could go back in time I would live a very different life." - B-Town-MusicMan
"All I ever wanted was to be a mom, my whole life, and I finally had my daughter two years ago."
"It can be HARD. And this was something I desperately wanted, for over 30 years. I love my kid more than anything in the entire world, and would die for her. But it's still F*CKING HARD."
"So if people aren't sure, or are on the fence, just don't." - bbbbears
"I wouldn't want to wish my children not to exist, but if I had it over to do, I would have followed my desire not to have kids.
Another way to look at it: if I lived dozens of lives, I might choose to have kids in one of my lives But since I only have one life, I would have preferred not to have spent it as one with children." - JohnBarnson
"My mom had 4 kids (last one unwanted, with like a 20 year age gap), and her whole life was sacrificed caring for us. She did her best, but I feel bad she gave up all her own dreams so we could have ours."
"I would not blame her AT ALL if she told me she wouldn't have had us all if she could do it over. I'd be shocked if she said otherwise (and know it's a lie)."
"I also know she loves us, and her "doing it over" idea only came AFTER she already bore the fruits of her love and nothing will erase that love... even her occasional regrets as to her personal life she gave up."
"It'd be like if someone saved my life but got injured in the moment. Then later they say they are glad they saved me but knowing what they know it entailed, they wouldn't have done it."
"May not sound pleasant but the good deed is done, they suffered for it, I benefitted, and their regret about the damage they suffered is 100% understandable."
"Humans are complex. Best to learn empathy. Parents are not saints, they are people struggling like you and me." - Kryptos19
Remember, reproduction is a choice. It should be taken seriously.
Also kids all smell weird. Just sayin'.
Having kids is expensive, a ton of responsibility, and something that not everyone is cut out for - but it seems to be something we're all just socially expected to do.
In recent years, there has been a growing trend of people who are consciously choosing to forego children. One Reddit user asked why, and launched a thread full of all sorts of humorous, heartbreaking, and honest responses.
Not Passing This On
joan crawford mom GIF by IFCGiphyI have bipolar, bipolar is a c*nt to deal with. I don't want to pass it onto anyone. My bipolar has caused a lot of heart ache and made issues 10x worse. And I've hurt a lot of people because of my episodes.
Also OCD; and OCD is a c*nt as well.
Peoples perception of it is just being anal about cleaning. But they don't know the dark side of OCD where you think hurting people because something little interrupted the habit.
- Ithikari
I wish more people understood how debilitating OCD is. My uncle would wash his hands until they bled and he struggled to leave his home most days because the outside chaos distressed him so deeply. If you personally have it then I'm very sorry and I hope you're getting support for it, I'm not sure what aid is actually out there
Many Reasons
I'm in my mid-40s, and have known I didn't want children since I was a child myself. I have many reasons why not:
- Too much responsibility. We have a dog and that's already pushing it for us, to be honest. I can barely summon enough desire and energy to walk the dog daily, can't even imagine what it must be like with kids.
- Pregnancy and labor seems utterly horrific to me. No thanks.
- I like money and having the free time to enjoy it, especially in regards to travel.
- Both my husband and I have mental and physical health issues we wouldn't want to pass on.
- Personally, I think bringing a kid into this sh*tty world right now is a pretty horrible thing to do. Climate change (and a whole lot of other issues) are about to f*ck our shit up HARD - why would you bring a kid into that??
- If I'm really honest, I just really don't like kids. Especially under the age of 10 or so. Why the f*ck would I sign up for that kind of burden? I have many, many nieces/nephews who I can enjoy in small doses, and then send back to their parents.
I've been told over the years that I would change my mind. Nope. I get all the usual crap like, "Who will take care of you when you're old??" (Answer - my money that I've saved by not having kids will) or "Not having kids is so selfish!" (Riiight...and having them isn't??)
Anyway, to anyone reading this - make the right decision for you. Don't feel you have to follow life script of marriage -> house -> kids. I'm extremely happy and have zero regrets.
The Risks And Sacrifies
I like having free time and space to myself, but the primary reason is that pregnancy and birth is awful (and I have a pain phobia). Also I have serious concerns about the impact on my mental health
- sprogg96
Yep, I was on the fence until I learned about post-partum psychosis. It bothers me how much people, especially mothers, downplay the physical risks and sacrifices. It's not for everyone.
As a mother of two, I too am bothered by that. I made it my mission to always be brutally honest about what it's like because it's not easy. Not even a little.
Pregnancy is hard, child birth is hard. Sleep deprivation is hard. Having your hormones swing like a metronome on speed... is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.
Your body is literally convincing you of things that aren't real or true, and then making you feel crazy for basically just existing. We need to stop going on and on about how magical it all is like we're trying to sell it to people. Trust me, those that decide to have kids will get it.
It is true that the magical moments make everything feel worth it, but they don't erase the hard moments. You don't forget. Pregnancy and birth trauma are real. Postpartum depression is real and neither should be taken lightly simply because having babies is so "magical".
If you don't want them, don't have them. There's enough of us that do want them. You're not selfish, you're making a decision for YOUR life.
I Don't Like Sharing
I don't have the maternal qualities to be a good mother. I'm impatient, hotheaded, selfish, and my mental health isn't in the best shape. I don't want to unknowingly treat my child the way my mother treated me.
I also prefer to save my money, build my wealth, go on trips, sleep in in the mornings, and party. I don't like sharing, not even my money, which is why my partner and I have separate bank accounts and it will stay that way if we ever get married.
I also would just like being able to go to the bathroom without a kid trying to break in.
Cause I'd Have To Be Pregnant First
Baby Belly GIFGiphyI don't necessarily have a phobia of being pregnant, but people I know and love being pregnant makes me weirdly uncomfortable? Like I'm totally fine with meeting a random pregnant woman, but when my friend was pregnant it just felt really off. My mum once made a joke about being pregnant (I'm the youngest so I've never known her pregnant) after eating too much, and I felt kind of sick. It's odd...
The idea of pregnancy also weirds me out. For me a lot of it is the idea of losing my autonomy and that as a woman I'm expected to love babies. I just don't. I also find it uncomfortable to discuss pregnancy - some people treat it like it's an elitist group and give waaaaay too much detail about bodily functions.
I so agree about the losing your autonomy part, that prevents me from ever wanting to get pregnant more than the physical aspects of pregnancy themselves. You suddenly can't do activities you love, you can't eat certain things, you can't drink certain things, you can't take medicine of you have a headache, apparently you can't even take hot baths. To me it sounds like stripping away everything that makes life fun, and any decisions away from me about my own body. To stop existing as a person and functioning as an incubator instead.
Plus every time someone I know announces they're pregnant, that's all anyone ever asks them about. They walk into a room and the first thing asked is "how's BABY?" Any time one of my friends is pregnant I try to ask them only about how their life is and don't bring up the pregnancy unless they do. They (usually) still have a personality outside of just being pregnant.
A pregnant friend told me it felt like her baby was CLAWING at her rib cage and I've never been able to get that image out of my head
- AnaisNot
Because They Were Wanted
Complete lack of interest. I feel the same way about children that I do about most dogs. Yeah, dogs are great. But if you tried to offer me a dog, even if it was free, I would probably say thanks, but no thanks.
That would be a very bad attitude for a parent to have towards their child. Children should be had because they were wanted.
Also, raging alcoholism.
- aereci
This is mine. I could go on about my temperament or my lifestyle or my medical history, but at the end of the day, those factors wouldn't stop me if I really wanted a kid. But I don't. I fundamentally believe that kids deserve to be wanted and welcomed, and if they aren't, don't have them.
I Cannot Put A Child Through That
I grew up with severe depression, an anxiety disorder, and ADHD. The majority of my parents and grandparents are alcoholics and/or addicts. One of my parents was so mentally ill they lost custody. It was rough.
My SO also has severe ADHD and obsessive compulsive anxiety. Me and my SO both struggled with substance abuse as teenagers. I spent a long time in mental hospitals.
I hated being alive and felt completely helpless. No therapist or doctor or pill ever helped. The only reason I pulled through is because I met my SO.
If I had a child who felt the same way I did, and I knew I couldn't help them and they would just ignore me the way I ignored my mother as a kid, it would break my heart.
I cannot put a child through that.
You Should Be Asking The Other Side
Because I have no desire to have a child. Why do something I have no desire to do?
If more people thought about why they actually want to have a child there would be fewer cases of child abuse and neglect.
You should be asking why people who have children decided to. Too many times the answer is, "it just happened"
Which no, it didn't. When you have sexual intercourse and the sperm meets the ovum you get pregnant. You aren't the next Mary. It didn't "just happen."
Or you hear "it's what you do" / "it's the next step". Why? This is literally another life you're being so flippant about.
Not Testing This Out
I truly think I'm no fit for a parent, I can barely even take care of myself.
Also every time I have had dreams about being pregnant or having a baby, in my dreams it always resulted into me trying to kill either myself and/or the baby, because I was terrified, I didn't want it, I knew I wouldn't be able to take care of it etc.
There's no way I'm going to test it out and see what would happen in real life if I actually were to have children.
- luopio
I've Seen...
Because it's not at all easy and affordable.
I have seen my father working so hard and extra hours, taking uncountable loans to pay for my college fees just for their child to turn out incredibly stupid. I have seen my mother work countless hours in the kitchen and spend all day making meals for us, doing household chores with literally zero rest and sleep.
I hope one day I will be able to repay them.
110%
Honestly, there are so many more cons than pros that I think the question should be reversed.
I see parents saying "if I knew better..." all the time!!! And I got the impression that a lot more don't say it just because it's wrong to think about it.
You should be 110% sure that you want kids and KNOW that you will have to compromise large aspects of your life and be ok with it. Or be filthy rich and have other people take care of your kid for you.
Immunocompromised
There are so many reasons, but the top contenders are as follows:
- My husband and I both enjoy free time and disposable income and aren't willing to compromise either
- I've never felt maternal towards children or babies (I didn't even like playing with baby dolls as a little girl) and don't enjoy spending time with them
- I'm immunocompromised and having a kid go to school, pick up whatever illness is going around, and bring it home just sounds miserable
- I have several chronic illnesses and health issues that I don't want to pass on
- Life is full of pain and suffering, and ethically I can't imagine dooming another human being to this existence
My husband was kind enough to get a vasectomy so our childfree future is secured :)
When it's your own
Grew up with my mother saying "I never liked children but it's different when it's your own" but I never felt loved... Yeah, it's not really different when it's your own. Parents really should at least like children. And I never liked children, even when I was a child, much-preferred adults generally. Still do.
Carrying abusive baggage would have made me a not very good parent, and I did not want to pass that on to a child. There is no excuse for being unkind to a child.
Emotional Maturity
I've said this since I was probably 16: "I love my future kids too much to actually have them."
I just really have no interest in having kids and definitely don't have the resources, including money, physical stamina, and emotional fortitude.
I think way too many people have kids because it's just what they think the next step in life is supposed to be without actually thinking about what life will be like for the kid they're creating. You always hear about people making sure they have the money to take care of a kid, but it's really rare to hear somebody ask themselves if they have the emotional maturity to create another human. It's kind of a big deal.
Puppy love
I enjoy my free life. I am a woman and feel whole and happy without the need of making human beings. I never wanted to have kids. I remember as a teenager, people (adults women) would tell me the classic "you'll see, it will come on you like you can't control it, you will have children, so you can feel like a real woman" 😂. Even 7 years ago, I kept hearing this.
I'm 40 years old in few days, I live a happy life, still without kids, and I meet more and more women who have made this conscious choice, and are also enjoying their lives.
I have a good job, building businesses, have money, travel, I'm physically fit and loving my body, hangout with friends, have weekends out, all my time for myself and my relationship. My man is same as me, we only want a puppy. We don't think having kids should be a purpose in life, a compulsory thing, or even something that makes you feel "complete".
For me, my purpose is to be happy, healthy, make other happy too (I do a lot of charity and work for a NGO too, some even involve kids).
Foster
I'm not having my own children but I'd like to foster some kids. There are so many kids with no home. It would be selfish to have my own child just because foster kids have so much baggage. I want to give those teens a chance to have a better life.
Value
Let me preface this with: I acknowledge that I am a selfish person.
I value my hobbies, free time, money, sleep, and quiet entirely too much. I hear kids screaming/crying in public and I just absolutely cringe and become riddled with second-hand embarrassment.
It's just not for me.
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