I've seen so many relationships go up in flames because of philandering. And the saddest part is, it all could've been avoided. Everyone else can see when it's not working, why are we so blind when we're the willing participants? I will admit, I have cheated more than once and I finally had to realize that I was never being fulfilled personally. And that was on me to fix. Some of the people on this chain feel that pain.
Bad Moment
immediate regret. Issues with commitment, self esteem issues, etc. (They're probably cheating too, what if we break up and never find anyone, what if this persons actually "the one")
Obviously, load of horsecrap looking back at it, and I hurt a few people. Terrible terrible decision.
I get so Emotional...
I'd say I emotionally cheated on my ex. Mostly what was going through my mind was "Crap, I think I'm falling in love with someone else. Crap. What do I do? Crap."
I'd say that's really only a problem if you don't break it off.
You're not required to stay in love, just to treat your partner with respect while you're in a relationship (and, ideally, after as well).
The problem is when you're in love with one person, and infatuated with another. That is rough, because obviously you still love the first person... But infatuation is the new-car-smell part of a relationship, and even when you know it's short-lived, it's still very seductive.
The Home Wrecker
I was in one of the best relationships with a childhood friend, if you know, those are the best ones. We were both in our mid twenties and my brother was murdered, in front of me. It was insanely traumatic and it messed me up.
I fell into a deep pit where I would do anything to feel.. anything. My ex reached out to me and wanted to have sex, she is a straight up home wrecker and gets off on it.
I fell for it and didn't even question the decision. It didn't even feel like a decision, I was so messed up I was like a jellyfish in the waves just getting taken anywhere. But now I know it was a decision, and the worst one I've ever made.
WTF?!!?!!
Despicable Me Reaction GIFGiphyI didn't cheat but my ex gf did. She preferred my brother rather than me because he was good-looking. They're married now. I know it cuz my brother invited me to his wedding to be his best man. Forget that!!
"This person desires me."
I thought "This person desires me."
I think it's honestly that simple for most people who cheat. Sure many people cheat just because they want to have sex, but I think the core reason for most people cheating is they simply don't feel desired by their significant other.
Like the start of any relationship people become interested in each other and the key feeling people experience is that wonderful feeling of being desired by another person. It makes you feel good looking, smart, strong. Knowing that this person wants to be with me is one of the best feelings in the world.
After a while that wears off in many cases. Eventually you take the other person for granted and they take you for granted. When that happens and your SO stops making you feel desired, you might start looking for that elsewhere. So even though you are in love with your SO and have a great relationship, they probably don't act like they want to be with you like they did in the beginning. Life becomes the same old same old.
Then someone else notices you and starts paying attention to you, giving you that sense of being desired again. You start seeing what you have been missing in the eyes of someone else.
I know that's what it was like for me many many years ago. I stopped feeling desired and when someone else showed that desire towards me, I foolishly followed it.
I have been happily married and 100% faithful for a long time to an amazing woman. I never fail to make sure she knows how much I desire her. Not because I don't want her to cheat, I trust her. I do it because I don't want her to ever feel like she isn't desired, that I take her for granted. And she makes me feel the same, every day.
Oof, that is a whole bunch of mess to process and fix. First... clearly some humans are just trash and beyond repair. I pray that a lot of you realize that in the end, they did you a favor and you dodged a bullet. Heck, a hailstorm of bullets. Next time, just go in with your eyes wide open. Maybe some other people fared better...
Insecure
I cheated because I was insecure and liked the validation that I got. It was a terrible ego-based decision that ended up hurting my partner terribly and making me feel even worse about myself. I have since quit drinking and worked on building self-esteem that is not dependent on my sexual attractiveness to the opposite sex.
When in HS
I was just out of high school and learning about relationships and sex. I went on a vacation and had an opportunity to have sex for the third time in my life with no way of my gf finding out, so I did it. I felt bad the whole time. When I came back, I broke up with her the next time I saw her. Cheating is certainly something I'll only do once. Still wish I'd never done it.
Hindsight
Oh I Get It Britney Spears GIFGiphyGuilt, disgust and self loathing. Looking back I know I was in a toxic relationship and should have left him but cheating on him felt like a chunk of my soul was ripped out. Not worth it and will never do again.
Leave the Poison...
A friend of mine cheated because he was being physically and mentally abused by his girlfriend. He found someone who was patient, kind, and gentle with him that he just fell deep and cheated. Said he never knew someone could be this way with him. He did his ex a service and admitted everything and broke up with her, even though she already knew some way or another. Lots of fights, but he never touched her. He came out with a bloody lip and a black eye. He is now with the new girl and they've been together for 5 years, happy and planning on marrying.
She is Trash...
girl bye no GIFGiphyA friend of mine cheated on her long distance boyfriend for months, with a super attractive guy at our university. When the bf finally came to visit, everyone had to pretend they didn't know about the cheating, but we ALL did.
The bf found out eventually, of course. He texted me "is she cheating on me with this dude?" And I said "no comment" which was enough.
The crazy thing is that she TRULY believed she did nothing wrong. She told everyone that it didn't count because her boyfriend was her first love and that would never change, blah blah. Horrible to not have a shred of remorse.
Combinations...
Combine low self esteem with an alcohol problem, and an honest belief that everyone would cheat given opportunity. I thought cheating was just a way to prove "you can't hurt me." I'm ashamed of the people I've hurt in my life. I still haven't figured it all out yet, but I'm working with my therapist to become a better person.
At 18 (f) I started working in an industry dominated by men and the number of guys that tried to pick me up was astronomical.
Didn't seem to matter if they were married or not, or old enough to be my father. It really screwed with my trust in people, especially men. I honestly believed that everyone would cheat and some people were just sneakier. So if my partner was going to cheat I might as well too. I realized way too late that if everyone I hung around with was willing to cheat it meant I was hanging around the wrong people.
Stay Calm
Pray Good Vibes GIF by Ryn DeanGiphyMy ex and i had troubles regarding my usage of a certain substance to calm your mind. at one point i was in a club with my then best friend (who also had a gf) and we both started dancing with these chicks.
the one i was dancing with took my hand and took me to the toilet to do whatever. i refused to even kiss her in that stall and left. i didn't tell her but it was on my mind all the time. i cheated on my ex 1 week later with 3 different girls when i was drunk and thought it'd be over anyways. when i woke up the next morning i remembered and it felt like a movie to me. had to break the news to her. never again.
Enjoy!
Nothing. Maybe a sociopath answer but legitimately nothing. It wasn't this over arching fear like oooh I better stop or else, it was legitimately not thinking of anyone or anything else just, "I want to enjoy the moment" I mean as far as sex. Emotionally becoming invested in someone is a slow burn with a quick pop.
You don't realize how far you've strayed until it's too late. You're having fun, you're just enjoying conversations and talking and then the next thing you know you realize it's not with your significant other but with this other person.
The self realization is the killer.
Tit for Tat
I cheated on him because he cheated on me first. We had not broken up yet, but as far as i was concerned it was over. I wanted to cheat just to show him that he was vulnerable to being cheated on, regardless of how big his ego was. He thought he could do what he want while no one would ever dare do the same to him.
She Trash
My soon to be ex cheated on me with the next door neighbor and subsequently ran off with him. She threw me away like a piece of trash (16 yrs together and 2 kids). I'm not angry (sarcasm). Anyway, I asked her "I understand the emotional feelings snuck up on you, but the first time you had physical contact, why didn't you stop and say, hey, this is not right?"
Her answer: "because it was fun."
And that, boys and girls, is why she's my soon-to-be-ex.
On a side note, I was thinking today that I feel sorry for her. Once a cheater always a cheater. They can never have a 100% trusting relationship because they both know that if things get tough the other person is perfectly capable of cheating on them. There will always be that tiny doubt in the back of their minds. Not a good foundation to build a relationship.
Excuses
no excuses GIF by Meghan TrainorGiphyAlcohol and horniness also i was and probably still am a bad person
Oh and opportunity.
Years Later
My best friend cheated on his fiancee and when I asked him this same question, he told me that he was unhappy. He still didn't leave her and I know there's a lot of guilt there but, 2 years later, they are still together, not married, and have a kid.
Stay Quiet
I thought we had a "don't ask, don't tell" policy because we hadn't had sex with each other in years.
Turns out I was the only one who thought that.
The words seem absurd as I type them now. Who would have that deal without discussing it?
(Now I am in an open relationship, which is much more my style).
Physical
It was the least bad thing I could do.
My wife was completely dependent on me, but she was also a completely neglectful spouse. I tried all of the right ways to address the situation: books, therapist, good communication. I tried for years and years. She just had zero interest in my sexual needs but was utterly incapable of sustaining herself in any way if I left her and had no interest in changing that.
So I reached out for some physical comfort, knowing full well how wrong and bad it was. I never tried to justify it and say it was a good thing. I know I'm a crap human being and I don't know if I can live with myself if she found out because of the pain it would cause.
Cycle Back
i know this isn't even the question but my ex literally cheated on me with my best friend and ironically he got cheated on with his best friend before so that was something.
Love can be a poison. So we need to be drinking more water. Moral of the story: If you're going to cheat... be decent and tell your partner it's not working. And that it's YOU, not them.
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Too Young to Start
GiphyMy father left my mother when I was one for another woman. He married her a few years later. He and my mother only spoke well of each other, shared custody well, and generally it worked out pretty well for everyone. That was a lot less common at the time (I'm pushing 50 now). Both my mother and father have been remarried for more than 40 years now. They both talk about the dangers of getting married too young.
Dad's Lessons
My dad had an affair when I was four. He divorced my mom and married the other woman. It only lasted 6 months before she divorced him and took half his stuff because he refused to give up split custody of the kids. Turns out she's done this type of thing at least twice before to other guys.
He then spent the next 12 years of his life going through other women, with relationships lasting less than a year at their longest. He lost his job, moved into a studio apartment, had another kid with a woman who then moved halfway across the country and took his custody rights.
But then last year he met a woman completely different from anyone he had dated before. They're married now and own a small organic farm in a small town. Him and my mother get along great and never argue. It's nice to see his story and realize that things are only crappy for a while. It may be a long while, but it will get better.
A New Attempt
This happened to my folks. Father left and attempted a relationship with his affair partner when I was a teen. It was short lived and volatile.
Old man left the country for a time. Eventually came back. Unfortunately, I think the series of choices left him quite depressed and he resorted to alcohol. He is in his late 60's and has remained alone.
On the plus side I think my mom's way happier on her own than she was in the marriage.
All the Women
My dad and mom married at 29 and 31. Has me shortly after.
Me at 5: Dad breaks up with mom and has baby with woman #2. Dad and mom reconcile and move back in together. Mom is accepting of new child.
Me at 10: Mom and dad still married. Woman #2 moves in with us. I catch dad making out with woman #3 (mother of childhood best friend)
Me at 15: Dad and mom divorce. Woman #2 leaves. Dad moves in with woman #4. She has son my age and daughter who is 17.
Me at 18: Woman #3 visits and dad has sexual relations with her. She leaves and is never seen again.
Me at 20: Dad marries woman #4. I can see he's hesitant about it.
Me at 21: Woman #4 runs away across country. Dad has child with woman #2 again. Moves in with her. She says child isn't his, he leaves her and starts living in RV. Child is definitely his.
Me at 22: Woman #4 returns. Lives in RV with him.
Me at 25: They buy home together. Woman #4 runs away again, never returns.
Me at 29: Woman #5 now introduced.
Me currently 30: Woman #5 moves in with dad.
All the while, my mom has remained single since I was 15 and is living with her sister to this day.
The Christian
tim curry no GIFGiphyMy bio dad had an affair and left my mom to marry the other woman riiiiight before I was born.
Refused to pay child support or acknowledge me other than to tell my mom if she ever went after him for child support, he'd fight for full custody and would win since he was a newly married "Christian" man and my mom was a single army soldier. My mom remarried when I was a tween and that man is my Dad, the greatest Dad I must say.
She Too Much....
My uncle was a Christian minister married for 24 years when he cheated on her with his old high school girlfriend and they got divorced. The new wife has spent the last decade and a half trying to make up for her guilt. She is utterly convinced that the family resents her so she overcompensates for everything, so now no one likes her, but not because of the infidelity, but because she's freaking irritating.
As for my cheating uncle, well, he now has a joint couples Facebook page where his wife can see everything he posts. She's also his voice-box now. Apparently they're very happy though.
Boy Bye!!
My soon to be ex-husband came home on a Wednesday and said he wanted a divorce. Packed a bag and left me with 5 children. I had been suspecting he was having an affair. He's with the woman now that i suspected. A coworker. Apparently, she also left her husband. It was hard but I'm so thankful she has to deal with his sorry butt now. The children and I are in a much better place.
You Single Right?
My dad cheated on his wife with my mom. My parents stayed together until I was 3, then split up, but reconciled a few years later, married, and stayed together until my dad died in 1990.
My grandpa married a pregnant woman (not his) who only wanted to get married so her baby would have a name. He was sent to England during WWII, and met a cute Scottish girl who became my grandma.
She was badly injured in a car accident years later, and Grandpa took up with the next door neighbor while Grandma was slowly (11 months) dying in the nursing home. When she died, he married the neighbor, who became the only grandma I knew.
So yeah, when I met my husband, I made damn sure he was really and truly single first.
A Family Mess
My mom left my Brothers dad (they were married) for his brother, had a baby with other brother, didn't last more than 6 mos, BUT my brother and sister are also cousins so there is that.... i also have a different dad who is unfortunately NOT related to the other 2 LOL.
Bro really?
chris pratt dude GIFGiphyMy friend's brother cheated on his first wife and then married the other women, cheated on the second wife and then married THAT other women. Dude, maybe this whole marriage thing ain't your bag.
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Google It
investigating basketball wives GIF by VH1GiphyOne of my jobs is to search for long lost relatives (usually several generations ago).
Typically, the case is about old plots of land where I should track down owners (or their heirs) to update the land registry because a state wants to build there something.
Let me tell you, the amount of information you can find on Google and in public records is astounding if you know where to look.
Scammed....
I had a girlfriend that worked for one for a while. She said that the majority of their work was insurance scams. She took a lot of pictures of guys who said they were hurt on the job playing golf and surfing and such.
There seems to be a lot of that in this thread.
Sometimes I wonder if I'd be able to pull off such a scam because any investigator would only be able to determine that after the 'accident' I didn't post my life on social media and I almost never engaged in strenuous activity outside the house... so no change there then.
Ace Ventura?
My little brother hired one to find his dog. He was living in L.A. and his complex let the dog out on accident. Small dog some mutt of toy breeds. He looked on his own for two weeks and was devastated. My folks found this guy in Indiana who was like $3k to hire but he guaranteed he'd find the dog or he wouldn't get paid. My folks and I chipped in as my brother couldn't afford that. The guy found my brothers dog inside of a day. It was wild.
Brotherly Funds
money run GIF by Juan BillyGiphyMy dad hired a PI in the mid 90s in Eastern Europe to find out if one of his business partners was stealing from him. Instead he found out his own brother was stealing from him. He refused to belieev the PI and his brother robbed him blind. Took a huuuuuge amount of money and left him with gigantic debt. He still forgave him.
Reading Fulltime
I was a private investigator for a little bit. Most work PIs do is searching financial/court records and serving documents. But one time I was paid by wealthy parents to stake out their college senior who had stopped returning their calls. They were worried about her. These parents paid like $40k for round the clock monitoring just to find out their daughter dropped out of school and was a full time ski bum.
Btw stakeouts are mostly just sitting in your car reading all day.
"you hurt her, you're dead"
Not me, but a friend hired one because he was suspicious his stepdad was being unfaithful to his mom. So, he asked me, and I put him in contact with a guy I knew.
Bit of a backstory, the stepdad is 5'10", 160ish pounds. My friend is 6'2" 235 pounds, ripped.
At 15, when my friend's mom and stepdad started dating, my friend gave the the typical "you hurt her, you're dead" speech. Also his bio dad walked out on him and his sister when my friend was like 4. It took a while, but my friend warmed up to the guy and he's a good guy (took my friend and I to an 49ers game once which was pretty cool).
Anyways, the PI said he wasn't cheating. Apparently there was a house on the market that my friend's mom wanted, and he bought it. He had been remodeling it for some time and he kept it a secret. As a 5-year anniversary gift to her, he bought it. Anyways, they live in a five-bed house now.
The Babysitter
Had a babysitter we thought was stealing from us, luckily our neighbor was a PI couple and they ran a background check for $10. Babysitter had a string of DUIs and a few days before a large fine was due, my camera disappeared. He also stole money from my kids piggy banks.
He sort of disappeared but was also really into Instagram so I surreptitiously followed him.
He started babysitting again for a single mom (easy target) and posted a lot of 'fun' pics with this family. I tracked down the mom and sent her a long email detailing out his whole scam. She said we were right and it was clear he'd been stealing from her business.
He has since gone underground but I still Google him regularly to see what he's up to. He's been able to avoid arrests for a while now.
Fools....
oh come on jim carrey GIFGiphyI have a story about private investigators doing a hilariously crap job.
So, years ago, my brother injured his back at work because of his employer's unsafe work practices.
During the ensuing suit, my brother's lawyer was given a folder full of documents from the employer's team. Turns out, they had hired a PI to investigate my brother to prove that his injury was faked. Well, unfortunately, the PI had been taking pictures of ME, operating an ATV mounted leaf hopper. My brother walked into the court hearing and watched the color drain from the opposing lawyers' faces when he introduced himself, looking nothing like me.
Siblings....
My sister (mid 30s) is adopted and hired one to find her estranged biological father.
They came back saying that not only was he still alive and nearby, but he had a daughter. Meaning she also had a biological sibling!
Further digging from the PI uncovered that they weren't just similar ages either, they were exactly the same age. The evidence suggested that my sister had a twin and her birth father had taken the twin and vanished.
Huge, life-changing news.
Eventually, through more incredible detective work, the PI realized that the daughter was actually just my sister. There was no other sibling and they had just been investigating my sister the whole time accidentally. Needless to say, we asked for the money back.
The Widow Thief
Destroy Diary Of A Mad Black Woman GIF by BounceGiphyMy grandmothers first "boyfriend" after my grandfather died said he was a retired cop and a veteran.
They enjoyed dancing to country music together, and bought a new car, in her name though, even though she can't drive anymore.
My uncles hired a PI. Turns out, that old b**tard had a habit of shacking up with widows and bleeding them dry. (The boyfriend not the PI).
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Clean Up Screw
clean up GIFGiphyWas told one time that going to help my parent's clean up their house was me secretly going to their neighbor's house to cheat, even though my parents attested for me it was chalked up to them "taking their child's side because they're my parents" and also not to mention their only neighbor is an elderly couple.
In the Act
He had been behaving progressively strange for some time. My whole social life pretty much happens online, it's always been like that, and most of my friends are male. It started with him worrying about me having feelings for my male friends because I was smiling at my phone when I was chatting to them. I was suddenly defending myself almost full time, had a new job of constantly reassuring him.
That evolved into him coming home early from work, or lying about his shifts so he could come home without me expecting him, hoping to "catch me in the act". It just kept getting worse. His behavior was never abusive in any way, but it definitely caused a rift in our relationship. It came to the point where I was so tired of always having him look over my shoulder, and checking on me constantly when I left the house that I was getting ready to leave him, and told him as much.
He asked me to stay, promising he would seek help. He booked us a marriage counsellor, which we saw for a year, and he went to a physician to get a referral to a psychiatrist. The doctor sent him for some blood tests, and as it turns out he has a severe b12 deficiency which was causing extreme paranoia.
True to his word, he worked on himself. He saw a therapist for some time, we went to counseling together, and he took b12 supplements and started taking anti anxiety medication (which he still takes).
I fell very deeply in love with him again, and decided I wanted to stay after all. We're still together, and while we have our ups and downs, we have a very strong and loving relationship.
He gotta go!
My Bf, who I lived with, wasn't working and I was working 4 jobs to pay all the bills and save a bit. After a year of this I told him I wasn't happy and gave him a deadline to move out or have a job. He started accusing me of cheating. He would call the places I worked or show up to make sure I was where I said I was. He would follow me to the gym then yell at me for flirting with the trainers (it was a crossfit gym and everyone there were all friends). If I went out with friends he would call every 20 minutes and it would always be a fight when I got home.
Eventually he isolated me from my friends, the gym owner banned him from the property and two of the places I worked had talks with me about him interrupting my work day. We had huge fights about him accusing me of cheating. He would pull up personal ads online and accuse me of creating them. He went through my phone and computer, deleted a lot of things including messages and pictures from my fiancé who had passed 5 years before I met my ex. He would not leave and would not get a job.
I talked to the landlord and she sympathized but said that if i left and he did not leave the apartment an eviction would include both of our names. I finally talked to his parents and they agreed to take him. I convinced him to move l, he thought we were moving together and were going to start over in a new place, when we got to his parents I left the next day.
SUPRISE!!!
Excited Stephen Colbert GIF by The Late Show With Stephen ColbertGiphySo one night after Christmas a few years ago my wife was trying to set up a toy for our daughter.
It was one of those smart toys that you could program to say the kids name and other stuff. Well her phone died so she asked for mine. I said "no, don't worry about that I will do it later." She kept asking why I wouldn't let her use my phone, and I kept saying I can't right now its a secret." She eventually let it go and grabbed her laptop but she made it clear she was unhappy with me.
The reason I couldn't let her right that moment is literally moments before she asked, I had reached out to all of her friends to plan a surprise birthday party for her. So while this is happening I'm getting dozens of texts that I wont let her read... it was a long night. Eventually her party came and she was happily surprised, and laughed when I explained why I couldn't lend her mine at that moment.
Explain Yourself....
Ohhh man.
About 7 years ago my wife found a woman's earring in our house and accused me of cheating (she had been away for three months doing a summer program out of the country).
I get why she was suspicious, it does look incriminating, especially since it was this fancy dangly earring in a style that my wife doesn't wear.
Except I literally had no idea who the earring belonged to or how it got there, and it's been a mystery in our life since then. No woman came to visit the house while she was away, and I was working ludicrously long hours and was not home for most of the time. My wife found it sitting on a bookshelf in our home office when she returned from her studies.
We legitimately have no idea how the earring got there. No. Freaking. Clue. I told my wife bluntly (after many arguments on the matter) that the only explanations I have left are that some woman broke into out house, stole nothing, and left the earring, or that I genuinely had dissociative identity disorder and apparently lived another life without knowing it.
If someone out there did break into my house and planted that earring to screw with my life... I salute your efforts, you conniving savage.
I love my BB
I call my youngest brother bb ( bébé, cause i'm french ) because he was born when i was 14 and i almost raised him. My boyfriend was jealous, when he saw "bb" on my tel contacts list ... He then asked me if my bro was physically attractive.. The question was weird but screw it ! I said yes, my little brother is handsome, intelligent, I love him and I'm proud of him so what? Overly Jealous people are ridiculous.
It's not Mine or it is but there is a reason....
So my best friend and her bf watched my cat for me and stayed at my apartment when I was out of town for a week. Months after I was back from the trip, my boyfriend was helping me move my bed and a condom wrapper fell out of the bed frame. We had literally never used condoms so he understandably was like what the hell. I had to call my best friend on speaker and idk if he really believed me.
Lookin' Good Girl
lady gaga premiere GIF by RuPaul's Drag RaceGiphyShe found a pair of panties mixed in with my laundry.
She accused me of cheating on her. I tried to explain to her that they were mine, she called me a liar as well. Huge fight. A few days later I asked her to come over so we could talk. She agreed. When she arrived I answered the door dressed in drag. And that's how she found out. That was the only way I could think of to show her that they were my undies. We had an overdue conversation about it. She commented on how well I was walking in heels and knew I wasn't lying.
Hold me Bud
One time I thought my girlfriend (now wife) was cheating on me. We lived about an hour apart and she moved into a house with a bunch of work mates, both male and female. I drove up to surprise her, and when parked out front, everyone was sitting outside. She was sitting on this guy's lap and they were all cuddly.
I walk up and say "Surprise, I came for a visit!".... expecting the worst.
She got up, came over and hugged me and introduced me to her seatmate James, who I quickly learned was very gay. He sashayed over and hugged me as well.
I have never been so glad to have been hugged by a gay man.
Dream It. Be It.
sexy man GIFGiphyMy boyfriend accused me of cheating. He said he'd had a dream that I said to him, "do you have a condom I can borrow? I'm going home with whatshisname from the gym tonight." Of course, because he dreamt it, it must be true.
Crazy is Crazy
Accused me of being the woman in a random porn video he had been watching (her face was not showing).... Accused me of sleeping with coworkers, neighbors.... I used to be afraid to arrive even five minutes later than usual from work.... Made me lose my job by starting a confrontation with a coworker on work premises after calling his house - this was a married man I barely even interacted with, but for some reason he got it into his head and was very sure something was happening between us.
I could go on and on and on with endless examples of how he twisted everything in our life together to conclude I was a cheater.
If you have a jealous SO, don't blink twice, just run like f***ing hell, it does not get better with time, only worse. They will literally ruin your life and leave you a whimpering shadow of who you used to be. I was a nervous and emotional wreck when I finally left him.
Uninterested
Sad Cat GIFGiphyThe suspicion arose because I seemed distant/unavailable and uninterested in sex.
You must be getting it somewhere. Everyone does.
Nope. Depressive episode.
But I didn't know how to explain it and it was even less acceptable to talk about then even if I could have.
The Past
She'd been cheated on by her ex and so was very suspicious of anytime I went out alone, work or leisure- she admitted she didn't trust me but in reality didn't trust anyone. It became a very big issue before we separated.
Suddenly....
My ex suddenly became convinced that I was cheating on him. I really don't know where the thought came from. He never accused me of cheating before, but when he started to he was certain that I was and there was no convincing him otherwise. It could be a possibility that he was cheating on me at the time and I was just unaware because he moved 3 hours away and I didn't really know what he was doing anymore. He was already verbally abusive and controlling and it just ramped up. He basically forced me to be on the phone even if I was busy.
If I didn't he would blow my phone up. On the phone he would be degrading me and telling me things like I go out at night. It was really stressful more than anything. Trying to talk logic into someone that is crazy just isn't possible. Thankfully the relationship ended not long after that.
Indisposed
suzy parker shower GIFGiphyI take my phone into the shower so he thought I was hiding something. I just poop before I shower and I can't poop without my phone. :(
The Last BF
My last boyfriend would accuse me of cheating at the drop of a hat. As a floor manager going into a backroom to witness a write up? Obviously cheating. Can't get ahold of her because she's sleeping? Cheating. Got into an argument? His favorite response is that I was probably cheating on him. My favorite was when I broke up with him I'm the clearest wording I could think of.
I went on a date with my now fiancè. Word got to me through my best friend that he found out about it and claimed I was cheating on him. 3 months after I broke it off him for good and 8 months after the initial break up. He was super emotionally and mentally abusive and I couldn't see it until I left.
The First
My first boyfriend.
He always flirted and went behind my back with girls and would assume i was doing the same with guys. literally just projected his own crap onto me and then eventually did cheat on me in secret for an entire month with his friends step sister. i found out because a mutual friend felt guilty for knowing he cheated and thought i deserved to know, and when my sh!tty bf found out someone told me the truth he bent over backwards to lie to me and tell me that was fake info and how it never happened. he did everything to convince me and himself he didn't cheat. he was beyond abusive to me and treated me like an object and sadly would encourage others to do the same to me.
It's been 10 years and the abuse and trauma he caused still screws with me. thank god for therapy, am i right?
With Anybody
He thought I was cheating on him at work. No one in particular, just general "cheating with someone" I was not. It escalated very quickly from accusation to half hourly texts that he got angry about me not answering immediately (I worked at an ice cream shop in a shopping centre food court at the time, just to give a picture of how ridiculous this was), to him showing up at my work and sitting in the food court watching me for three hours. Which of course he defended with "It's a public shopping centre, I'm allowed to use the food court, are you trying to control where I go?"
I broke up with him. I don't know what his side was, I don't care, I was not dealing with that nonsense.
He then texted me all the lyrics to Gives You Hell (on his flip phone with no crap 00's level of internet access, he typed that sh!t on a number pad) then a few days later My Immortal. Then I got his number blocked.
The Rookie
My ex went to a rookie gynecologist because she was having some problems with her lady jiblets. He examines her, and says it looks like an STD, but he'll have to run a few more tests to confirm. She comes home, with MURDER in her eyes and ready to KILL me! I deny that I've ever cheated, but the tests don't come back for a few days. I mean, who are you gonna believe?
Me, or an educated professional? Those few days were, you might say, not fun for me. Doctor calls and says, it was just a bad yeast infection.
She stopped going to him. Later we heard from other people, he wasn't the best doctor, and had close his private practice because he tended to mess up A LOT!
Out of Spite
new girl facepalm GIF by HULUGiphyHe made comments about me putting on a lot of makeup before going out with friends, he thought I was seeing someone.
We argued, I still went out, came back afterwards.
This was during a sexless relationship that lasted a bit less than a year. I ended finding out he was not sexually attracted to me at all because he said I was too fat for him.
We were at the 9th month without sex at the point where I left, I then enrolled in school, dropped 50 pounds and kept getting fitter ever since.
Spite is a great motivator.
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