Redditor iicebath wanted to hear about all the crazy things delivery people have witnessed, so they asked:
"Delivery drivers of Reddit, what are some standout moments?"
Reminder: please tip generously because you never know what your delivery folks have been through that night.
Spark it Up
Chris Tucker Smoking GIFGiphy"A guy offered me weed. After I refused he insisted on giving me something, so he went opened a package of nutter butters. I grabbed a handful. They were good."
Tech_Enthusiast49376
WEEERRKKKK!!!
"Walked into a giant skyscraper in central London to deliver a parcel for a guy named Thomas, at the reception I'm told he will be in his office, so I walk in and find him dancing by himself in the corner with no music or AirPods or anything, he's facing the corner just doing the Carlton, so he had no idea I was just standing and watching."
"I leave the room and just try to reevaluate what I just witnessed, when I walk back in he is standing behind a table acting like nothing just happened. So I hand him my parcel and he just thanks me and signs for it. I have never got a delivery from Thomas to this day."
jamessaleh190e
Corpses
"I used to collect biohazards from doctors' offices, hospitals, and other places. I think people that work in funeral homes like to mess with the living. I saw way too many dead, naked bodies at that job. Did that job for 6 years and then went back to slinging office supplies. I have not seen a dead body since."
unhalfbricklayer
blah blah blah...
"I used to deliver Appliances for a major home improvement store. I'm at the end of my shift and standing at the back of the truck finishing up my paperwork in a... not great part of town. Suddenly I hear someone walking up behind me and turn to see three young men approaching my truck."
"My initial instinct is to just be, 'take what you want, blah blah blah,' but as soon as I'm about to go into my prepared statement the guy asks if I have any leftover boxes because they have to help his aunt move the next day. So I got rid of all my cardboard in one shot and had one less thing to worry about when I got back to the warehouse."
plucky13
Just Chill
Chill Leopard GIFGiphy"Delivered food to a guy on Friday afternoon. He answered the door in his hi-viz vest and tighty whities. I've never seen a man more chill with himself than that dude."
Thrownawaybyall
People really have no shame sometimes.
Not a Drop
Happy New Year GIFGiphy"I left the drinks on the roof of my car and made it to a stop light two turns away. A guy behind me got out of his car and handed me the drinks through the window and I was so shocked that nothing spilled I couldn't even thank him. I just exclaimed 'Omg how did they not spill!' and he ran back to his car."
unseenwreckage
'Oh, you're here!'
"Pre cell phone and gps days (1979), I was delivering carpets to an unfamiliar town. We got high to start the trip, lost the directions, but knew the address. We were so lost. We drove until we saw some people in a yard, and stopped to ask directions. Before we said anything, they said 'Oh, you're here!' We somehow found the right house. We dropped off the carpets, no complaints the next day. It must have been the right place."
eightfingeredtypist
Keep the Carvel
"Did Doordash for some extra cash on the weekends about 3 years ago. Had a Carvel order going to a funeral home. In my head I was thinking it was definitely a funeral where some kid was so upset that they ordered ice cream to calm them down and cheer them up. I arrive to the funeral home and it's empty."
"I knock on the front door and a few seconds later a dude answers in nothing but his boxers. Behind him another dude was looking at himself in the mirror that was hanging on the wall. That dude was also in nothing but his boxers. Weird sh*t to be happening inside of a funeral home."
F_a_username
Deliveroo
"I'll never forget when I worked for Deliveroo arriving at the customers door, lifting up the big bag of food to hand it to them, and the entire bottom of the bag fell out, leaving their whole order spilled across their door step. I remember their face of pure shock so vividly. I offered to help clean it, of course, but they refused, I think they just wanted me outta there, haha."
MacyTmcterry
Preparation & Dessert
Licking Ice Cream GIFGiphy"Still my favorite delivery. On a Saturday night, they ordered a pint of gourmet ice cream and a box of condoms."
fd1Jeff
There is so much to learn about people from their deliveries... and I am SHOOK!
Reddit user crazythumper7 asked :
"What can someone put on their car that makes you know immediately that they’re a douchebag?"
And listen, I know what we were all told, but adding stuff to your car is communicating extra data and what is the purpose of data if not to analyze?
And isn't judgment part of analysis?
And don't people put stuff on their cars like this???
Calvin's Degrading Competitors
"A 'Calvin pissing on rival brand's logo' sticker."
- GrumpyCatStevens
"I once saw a ford with Calvin pissing on a Chevy sticker pull up next to a Chevy with a Calvin pissing on a ford sticker at a stop light."
"I was hoping to see some drama but nothing happened."
- lobster-overrun
"Wow, an actual pissing contest between truck guys."
- SpaceCowboy58
"This is the perfect metaphor for American politics. 2 guys, more or less the same, forced into competing identities by corporate interests which want nothing more than to take their money.
- Jasper455
"Do people actually identify that closely with car companies?"
- LeoMarius
"Unfortunately, yes."
- lobster-overrun
"C'mon guys, show dominance."
- Suibian_ni
Truck Testies
"Truck Nuts"
- TheNatanist
"I saw truck nuts on a smart car one time and thought it was the one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen 😂 I’ll make an exception for that person. Otherwise, you’re right."
- archerjones
"If it makes you feel better I had a couple truck nuts when I was an edgy teenager and they were routinely cut off. In hindsight, I think those people were doing me a favor."
- CaptainAwesome06
"One of my friends made a bicycle version, it’s literally two large hardware nuts, glued to a bicycle chain, hung from the back of the bike saddle"
- ChimpskyBRC
"There’s a guy at work that has a blue pair. Really? You can pick any colour and you pick BLUE??"
- Silverslugger24
Truly Hated
"Locally hated"
- Accomplished_Cod_891
"Yeah, only because he hasn't gone anywhere else yet."
- The_Observatory_
"And nobody knows them anyways"
- MichigaCur
"Not until Mom starts charging rent, anyway."
- Raaazzle
"Not sure which is worse. Either they are actually hated enough for everybody in their city to know who they are and feel the same, or they're wrong and aspire to be hated."
- Phantereal
"Or the way they are proud to be hated."
- CommercialCream402
i hate you middle finger GIFGiphyAdvertising
"Those big stickers on their windshield that has their Instagram/ name in cursive"
- Zealousideal_Bet6888
"Lol I saw one of those. But it was a dog’s Instagram and the dog was in passenger side waving out the window while wearing sunglasses and some gold chains."
- jamie_maxx
"That ain't a dog, that's a Dawg"
- Pyr02006
Grilled Meat
"A guy at my work has a penis shaped piece of metal bolted to the front grill on his civic."
"Sad thing is, I guessed the guy who drives it by his appearance."
- shambosley
"I was gonna say truck nuts, but I think that takes it."
- [Reddit]
More Meat
"I’ll one up you."
"Girl at my work has a dildo has her shift knob."
"I mean respect because she drives a manual, she’s still kind of a douchebag though."
- ali693
Play On Words
“ 'Dodge the dad, Ram the daughter'…. On a Dodge Ram. Good stuff."
- jazzy-j-face
"Or "If you can't dodge 'em, ram 'em". Thank you for giving me warning to get as far from you on the road as possible."
- shagthedance
"I saw an OnlyRams decal the other day, which was especially funny because I had recently read another r/askreddit thread about what kind of vehicles douchebags drive, and Ram was top of the list."
- Nailbomb85
"Ooooohhh. I love my Ram. Most truck for the money as they say. I certainly understand the stereotype tho."
- ss3006
"Sir I believe they say 'the most truck for your buck'."
- zipiddydooda
Ram GIFGiphyMore Free Advertisement
"As a firearms enthusiast I can tell you that anyone who puts any gun related stickers on their car is either a douchebag, an idiot, or both."
"They're trying to look tough and are dumb enough to advertise that they have an expensive hobby, which makes them an immediate target for theft."
"My roommate does exactly this. Again, I love going to the range, I don't advertise it on my car."
- 2centSam
"Thank you! We have such an issue with people getting their vehicles broken into and it’s always, ALWAYS, one of two targets:"
"Dude left it unlocked"
"Dude has an NRA or pro-2A decal some shit like “Try and Take It!!” Plastered on the back window."
"May as well advertise that there’s a good chance an easy score is inside. And this is in the Midwest! You’d think folks would have more sense but 🤷🏼♂️ I dunno…all I know is sh*t like this is why I’m stuck waiting on my new Sig."
- Rusty_is_a_good_boy
"Is it even theft if they tell you to come and take it?"
- Conri
Looking Dumb Too
"Carolina squat....just, just why"
- DeousPascitCorvos
"I didn't know what this was and googled it. Man this is slaughter:"
"It involves lifting a truck's front end and dropping its rear, ostensibly to make it look like a race truck, but only resulting in a vehicle that scoots along like a dog scratching its butt"
- RowdyBunny18
"North Carolinian here, they actually just passed legislation banning this eyesore. Hopefully they get around to enforcing it too."
- GreatWhiteElk
"I had to Google this. Oh man that is the dumbest shot I’ve ever seen. I live in the Northeast and I’ve never seen that before."
- scumbagstaceysEx
The Irony
"Punisher with a thin blue line flag"
- spirit_the_scallion
"Completely ignores the number of cops the Punisher has killed over the years in comics."
- dameon5
"Or the reason why Frank Castle had to become The Punisher in the first place"
"(It was because of corrupt cops.)"
- [Reddit]
"Or the thin blue line flag + a gadsden flag. 'Don’t tread on ME, tread on those other people!!'."
- sluthulhu
"Second this"
- TexanInAlaska
GiphyShut Up!
"Those loud as hell muffler exhaust modifications on some piece of crap 4 cylinder you can hear from a half mile away. Usually combined with a comically oversized spoiler."
clawsinyourface
"Also known as Fart Cannons. Makes a Civic sound like a pissed-off lawn mower."
apetnameddingbat
"My daughter calls them 'Tootie cars.'"
cookiesndwichmonster
Hate Them
"Advertising for their MLM."
Miss-Kelli
"It’s always 'consultant.' I love how MLMs have co-opted business languages. To me, a 'consultant' is a highly knowledgeable person in a specific field who’s paid for their expertise (or at least, that’s how it should be). Nobody needs a consultant for shitty candles or essential oils of dubious quality."
jbp84
Bad Energy
"The monster energy logo. Where are they even getting all of them, I see it so often on every douche car, USUALLY trucks bigger than they need."
Aware_Bet
HAHA !!! My s**t head of an ex husband has this !!! He also has a Monster Energy Logo tatted on him 🙄. I need to add he did not have any monster tattoos or decals on his car when we were married. Only after. I didn’t even know he liked energy drinks that much till I saw that one time at a drop. Now it’s all making sense."
Huh??
"A big Tapout sticker."
theflesheatingmuffin
"Tapout is still popular?? Hahaha I thought the whole Affliction/Tapout ship sailed by 2015."
bawzdeepinyaa
"I feel really bad for Tapout as a brand though, they were one of the originals and worked their way up, sponsoring a whole bunch of up and comers. Good trio all around."
dactyif
Not Him
"My friend's neighbor drives a car with big photos of Alex Jones on it, like an advertisement car wrap. His lawn has like 10 infowars signs on it."
Reasonable-Point4891
"I have a personal rule. Whenever I see an Info Wars or Alex Jones sticker on a wall or sign in a public place, I peel it off. I would probably do the same thing to a car. I understand letting people believe what they want, but when those beliefs involve harassing the parents of murdered children, that's where I draw the line."
hectoByte
Not a Cop
"Those ugly a** decals all over their car that say crap like 'POLICE' and 'SHERIFF.' and they have those annoying a** lights on the top."
lkodl
"Worse is when the car is black-on-black with no light bar, making it almost impossible to tell it's a cop until you're right beside them. So you're a douchebag and you're trying to hide and catch more tickets to boost your paycheck. Cool, cool cool cool."
DrMaxwellEdison
Break the Bulbs
"Those freaking bright a** white/blue LED headlights. Crap should be illegal."
CustosEcheveria
"It's more to do with the type of headlight, projectors are made for HID bulbs and are legal because they cut off the beam to stop from blinding oncoming traffic."
"The issue is when people throw the bulbs in their old car with reflector style headlights, you blind everyone on the road. Im pretty sure this is illegal, how enforced though I don't know. The color is another issue, my HIDs were 4500K, nearly perfect white. People throw in 12000K bulbs for some reason and they can't see s**t because they are so blue, still bright for everyone else though."
brohd11
I have a theory...
"Literally any of those stickers that imply they will ride your a** or break check you for doing anything that annoys them."
Practical_Spinach513
"I have a theory that every single decal/sticker that isn’t business-related (regardless of what it says) someone puts on their car automatically increases their douche factor by 10%."
"I think most people are around 10% douchebags (myself included), so 1 or 2 stickers don’t really mean too much to me. It’s when you get into multiple stickers territory that I tend to count them to predict their douche factor. I found it’s a pretty good litmus for douchebaggery."
Debaser626
Yeah... we're all judging you.
But those who are positioned at a drive-thru window experience interactions that are even more oddly exclusive.
Tellers see customers inside their own environment, and therefore, get a peek into their personal lives.
To hear interesting anecdotes, Redditor Reach-n-Teach asked strangers:
"People who have worked the drive thru, what's the weirdest thing you've seen in someone's car?"
Some Redditors mentioned witnessing (or hearing) NSFW scenarios, seeing a mammal – and in one case – was attacked by something slimy.One thing is certain. You can't make this stuff up.
Please proceed to the next window and be prepared to guffaw.
Drunk Gym Teacher
"My gym teacher, drunk. He started eating the tacos at the drive through window. He was there for over 5 minutes, just eating. I saw him the next day in school, we both acted like nothing happened."
The Inflated Passenger
"Dude had a full on sex doll dressed up in his passenger seat. Sunglasses, dress and even a hat. I couldn't even tell it was fake until I asked for their order. Coworker and I looked at each other simultaneously and we both said 'was that a sex doll?' This is in a 'wealthy' area of my city as well so it was definitely a first."
Hungry Pet
"Only worked drive-through for a year but the weirdest thing I saw was an alpaca in a minivan. They asked at the window if they could order some apple slices for the alpaca. I just gave them two packs on the house."
"Private Peters"
"Had a guy consistently come through the drive thru with his pecker out. He would always order the same thing, large mellow yellow no ice, always on a sunday, and always wearing military fatigues. Then he stopped showing up for a bit, we called him private peters, as our little sign to call the cops if he showed up again. A month later we get an order for a large mellow yellow no ice, so I decide to take over the window. We convinced the car in front of him to stay in the lane and we called the cops, he got suspicious and left but they caught him and was charged."
Comfortable In Their Own Naked Skin
"I had 4 women that came through a few times. I'm 16. They're all like 45+. Not made up. Just naked and completely casual. Never acted like they were even slightly concerned they were naked at all. One of the girls there said they came through about once a week. We didn't have a nudist colony nearby that I knew of. Just these same ladies."
He Had Time
"Had a customer come through with a giant grandfather clock in the back seat. The thing was so huge it was sticking out the side window, which just so happened to be on the left side of the car. Which meant dude couldn't get close enough to the window to reach his food and had to step out, cursing the whole time."Flying Fish
"Someone threw a fish at me once. Didn't order anything, just a drive by fish attack."
– PsyPup
What's In The Egg Cartons?
"I worked at a Tim Hortons and once saw an old lady with like 50 cartons of eggs in her car, I made a joke saying 'looks like you could make your own breakfast' and she got real straight faced and said 'oh honey those aren't eggs.' Still have zero clue what else you would store in egg cartons..."
– BoltzTV
So That's What Was In Those Egg Cartons
"Golf balls. I used to steal gold balls from a golf course water hazard and the woods around the course. Sold them in egg cartons for $5"
