Bullying seems to be a concept that has always been around. It comes in all forms, and in varying degrees.
Sometimes, the bullying can be mild and temporary. That doesn't make it okay, but it does make the bullying easier to deal with.
Other times, the bullying is harsh, and can even go too far. Sometimes, that can mean relentless teasing. Othertimes, it can mean that a bully took their torment to a new level, even proceeding into physical violence.
Whatever the case, when bullying goes too far, it sticks with you. Sometimes, you get revenge. Other times, you just deal with it until you can find a solution. Whichever method you choose, you will never forget it.
Curious about how far is too far, Redditor tylerboyzzz asked:
"People of Reddit, when did the bully go to far?"
Deserved Retaliation
"One of my friends had been getting bullied for crying after her mother's death. One day I got sick of it and shoved his head into a door. I know violence shouldn't be used in some situations but I felt like this needed it. He never bullied my friend again and I only got 1 detention."
– NonuMac
"Kids are so dumb, making fun of someone for losing their mom is the stupidest thing ever, good on you."
–TundraTrees0
Possession
"This guy bullied me for years, relentlessly. He saw another guy bullying me one day and lost his mind and beat the guy half to death. It was f**ked up. Not even that he beat the guy, whatever there, but in this ultra weird like "staking his claim" kinda way. Like I was his to bully and no one else. It literally made me fear for my life a bit. I got a restraining order."
– KingGuy420
Protective Brother
"7th grade."
"He took a thick piece of metal wrapped it with electrical tape and hit my friend in the head. He had to get stitches but wouldn’t say out of fear who did it."
"I ratted him out. A day later he jumped me as two of his friends held my arms. Then he stole my bike."
"My mom went to talk to his dad who was drunk and hit on her so she left frustrated."
"A few days later he tried to jump me again while on my bike when I was at the ice cream truck but my older (in high school) brother saw it."
"He literally jumped down three flights of stairs from the 3rd fl of our apartment complex and literally grabbed the back seat of the bike and picked it up as he tried to pedal away. He was freaking out screaming."
– catheterhero
Bullying The Teachers
"My class was terrible. On multiple occasions they had managed to make teachers leave the classroom in tears. For the record; I never participated, I was bullied too in this class."
"One of the worst days; they were really taking it out on this nerdy teacher. Like, this was definitely the worst and the most direct insults they had ever given to a person and he broke surprisingly quick. It turned out that the day before he was diagnosed with testicular cancer..."
– Th3_Accountant
Bullied BY The Teacher
"Bullied by a teacher. I grew up in the 1980's and there was something wrong with my digestive system that doctors here didn't understand at the time. Parents and friends were aware that sometimes I needed a toilet without much warning for either vomit or poo. I could easily dose off sometimes and always had a crampy tummy."
"First week of high school, I needed to go, now. I asked the teacher if I could be excused. She said I was old enough to be able to hold it in. I tried to explain that I needed to go. She was all boo-hoo, the baby needs a nappy, the baby needs burping. Some friends tried to explain to the teacher that if I had to go, I had to go. Teacher said no. I couldn't hold anything in any more and made for the door, the teacher shouted something and I passed out, vomited and sh*t myself."
"From what I remember, dad had the teacher fired. School policy was changed so that if a kid needed a loo break, they got it. Ironically there was an increase of tp related thefts and bathroom vandalism."
"I spent a week in hospital being prodded and poked, and we found out what was wrong."
"I went back to school, some kids pointed and laughed at the kid who sh*t herself in maths but they were quickly silenced by my friends and some kids who I didn't even know."
– ThePhoenixBird2022
Heartbreak
"I had a huge crush on one of the "cool" kids, who was actually a really nice, down to earth guy who was always nice to me. We even played Magic: The Gathering together a few times."
"I overheard my bully tell my crush he was planning to wait until the last day of school and "f- me up real good." Crush grabbed him by the throat and said "Don't you dare touch her!" so of course, the bully had to do something."
"He stole part of my crush's cherished favorite deck and left it in my backpack with a really sweet (fake) note. Then he told my crush he'd seen me steal the cards. His plan worked perfectly, I was looking through the cards when crush walked over. The look of hurt and then anger on his face is still burned into my memory. I gave the cards back, apologized, and tried to defend myself, but he never forgave me and we never spoke again."
– z0mbiegrl
You Showed Her!
"She bullied me for how I looked, would underhandedly called me ugly, and was the root of all my insecurities...A year later I won a major beauty pageant and she blocked me on IG"
"still kinda insecure cuz of her though"
– Careful_Pickle555
That's Catnapping!
"I befriended the problem girl in high school. Thought she just needed a friend. Anyway, she turned on me for whatever reason. Broke into my house while I was away on vacation and stole my cat and every item of clothing I owned. She ended up donating most of my clothes to goodwill, but the stuff she liked she wore to school. I called her out on it. That same day the principal pulled me out of class and said I “need to stop bullying X.” Anyway, she never did get in trouble but I did get my cat back after a few weeks."
– operasinger22
Yes, He Did Fall
"6th grade. He sat behind me in study hall. He, an 8th grader, had been picking on me since the beginning of the year. I told my parents and my dad said next time he messes with me just stand up for myself."
"Next day he flips my ear really hard. I turn around and tell him don’t ever touch me again. I turn back around and then I feel something getting put into my ear. It was a pencil. I jumped up, grabbed my thick as hell math book, and hit him directly in the face. It ended up knocking four of his teeth out and broke his nose."
"The teacher was the gym teacher, who was also an assistant coach on my baseball team. He came over and said with great surprise…..what happened did he fall out of his desk? Needless to say he never messed with me again."
– Kilroy27
Bigger Doesn't Meant Better
"TLDR: Jumping me with two of his friends. I ended up punching the ring leader in the throat."
"I was bullied all throughout school. Inherently easy target, quiet kid with temperament issues. It all boiled to a head when three dudes jumped me in the gym locker room. I came to school the next day covered in welts not wanting to be there, but hell I had all AP courses if I missed one day I missed 5 units of material. Bully was still running his mouth. Get to gym class I see him and I do what any slightly deranged battered person running on zero sleep and a pot of coffee would do. I punched the poor bastard in the throat for it. I had a ten minute rant on how much of a cockhead you have to be in order to be twice my size and still need to bring friends in order to jump me. He never bothered me after that."
– AngelsOfWar01
Keep Them Apart
"This was an incident that occurred back in the eighties that actually made the news and caused a major shift in educating disabled people. Some bean-counting asshole thought it was a great idea to save money by putting juvenile offenders and disabled kids under the same roof for education. That was until a repeat violent offender decided to shove a kid in a wheelchair down a flight of stairs for no other reason than shits'n'giggles. This caused an outrage that disabled children should not have to share a facility with violent offenders and they separated the two. But you always have to keep an eye on the latest government because they'll stick them back together in a heartbeat if they could do it without it making the news."
– CatboyInAMaidOutfit
I'm The Big One Now
"In Elementary School I was always bullied by this one kid, younger me was very naive and passive so I didn't do anything about it. After a while I got sick of it and started working out and taking boxing classes. One day he picked me up by my collar and dropped me in a garbage bin, I got pissed, crawled out of the bin and kicked his ass. His buddies tackled me and then I got suspended, and the bully got away with a slap on the wrist, welcome to the American education system. Anyway, I continued to work out and now I'm in High School, the bully is this scrawny boy who avoids me at all costs, I can't believe I once got bullied by him."
– _xXBeesechurgerXx_
You Reap What You Sow
"Kid wouldn't stop calling me names and spitting on me on the bus when I was 8, so I filled a straw with Tabasco sauce from MRE packs that my dad had got on the bus the next day and he spit on me so i slapped his glasses off, pulled out the straw and spat it all in his eyes. Never saw him again on the bus"
– fqtsplatter
Such Awful Kids
"I've posted this before on similar questions, but I still remember it so vividly. I had a group of about four or five bullies in elementary school who got their kicks by messing with me in the classes we had together. They definitely targeted me because I'm disabled and believed I wouldn't fight back. They'd hide my stuff in the classrooms, take my walker that I had at the time, and throw things at me when teachers weren't looking. I'd know it was them because they'd laugh while or directly after doing it. The final straw came while we were doing a test in English class. I had been pushing back against them in recent days, and I guess they thought I'd give up eventually. They were wrong."
"Anyway, during the test, all of them started throwing chunks of rubber erasers at me, giggling after each volley. I kept telling them to cut it out as best I could, but they'd just start again. Finally, near the time I was almost done with my test, a final volley from the leader of the bullies made me lose it. Now, I also had an unlockable brace on my left leg due to a surgery that I locked when walking and unlocked when sitting so my leg could move. I angrily locked my brace, stood up, and started going around the desks towards the bully leader, yelling that I was going to kill him. Only then did the teacher look up and realize something was happening and got up to stop me before I could throw a punch. It was also the first time I had seen the bully scared. Coincidentally, an SRO (school resource officer) also happened to be walking by the classroom and also stepped into intervene. I told both the teacher and SRO what had been happening while I cried and they warned the bullies against doing it again. Nothing more came of the incident. The bullies started their torment again a few days later, but less often so as to not set me off. Some of the worst years of my life."
– Forestfur147
Want For Nothing
"walking past me"
""you want some soap?""
""nah""
"slaps handful of soap on the back of my head"
– Random_Dragon100
Sounds Torturous
"she dumped my entire desk out in the corner of the class room then had everyone tell me i didn’t deserve anything i earned and i had to pick everything up while they circled around me"
– scyphozoakyphosis
Lucky Hit
"I used to get bullied from when I was 6-8 by this one kid who was much bigger than me."
"When we finished school for the day the teachers would stand us in a line outside of class, we'd then walk in a line to the school gate where our parents would be waiting."
"This was our 2nd day of a new school year and I got in line after class. I didn't even notice that I cut in front of him but he let me know pretty quickly."
"I just tried to ignore him out of fear. He kept pushing me and telling me "You're dead when we get outside""
"The fear and anger bubbled over, I swung around with what felt like the force of a fucking cannon and socked him in the nose. I have no idea how I generated that much force or how I hit him so accurately at 8 years old."
"After a brief silence his nose turned into a tap and he was COVERED in blood. He cried so hard it was insane!"
"My family all knew about it and when I got home my Dad shook my hand and congratulated me for standing up for myself."
"School took no action and he was out for a week with a broken nose. Needless to say the bullying stopped."
"Violence is rarely the answer but that day still makes me warm and fuzzy inside."
– BroAwayAccount91
"Maybe im being simple here, but: every time. Any form of bullying is always too far."
– dragon6layer
Yeah, that's probably true.
Bullying is wrong, but you will never be wrong for standing up for yourself.
Do you ever wonder what happened to that person who tormented you in high school?
The one you avoided running into in the hallway or after school on your way home?
Most of us at one time or another were mocked or worse – beaten to a pulp and spat on.
High school was already hard enough where everything – socially and academically – was high stakes for a teenager.
We dealt with pressures of who to ask out on a date, making a sports team, or have sacrificed our social lives to academic pressure in order to maintain an acceptable GPA.
But the anxiety and depression experienced by victims of bullying pales in comparison to everything else.
Curious about what became of the ruffians who have scarred us for life, Redditor -froggystyle asked:
"people that were bullied in high school, where are your bullies at now?"
Pregnant at 19
"One girl that bullied me in middle school and high school ended up getting knocked up at 19. One time I creeped on her Facebook and found her having an argument with the baby daddy's mom on her page. I read all 200 posts of the drama of them going back and forth. That was how i got over it."
Walking Drunk
"I wasn't bullied, but my brother had to deal with a particularly bad one in high school. It ended after summer, grade 10, when the guy was drunk and walking next to the highway."
The Brother's Reaction to His Bully's Death
"The worst of their encounters resulted in this guy punching my brother around and then throwing him off the train platform and onto the tracks (the train wasn't coming at the time). My parents called the police and the guy was charged with assault, but my brother's friend lied on the stand about what happened, because the guy was his cousin."
"At that point, bully mostly left my brother alone. Even if he got away with it, I don't think he really wanted to be charged again and go through all of that, and it wouldn't have mattered much anyway. It was just months later that he died."
"The school? These things happened away from school grounds, so they had a very official "this has nothing to do with us" stance on the matter."
"My brother didn't hope the guy would die, but he was definitely relieved that he wouldn't have more trouble with him."
The One Who OD'd
"Recently died of a drug overdose and as everyone was writing things on Facebook like 'your were an amazing person' all I could think was 'f'k this guy' I know that's f'ked up to say but damn, Peace out, dude."
"Update: The General consensus seems to be F'K THAT GUY."
"Thanks everyone for all your amazing words :) life is much better now! I have gotten over it, life goes on and gets better! At that moment I wasn't happy I survived my attempt, today I am VERY happy I survived. It always gets better! Stay strong everyone."
The One Who Finally Came Around
"I ran into him a few years ago. He didn't come from a very good family and would get angry and violent at school. He'd always take it out on the quiet kids like me and just inflict all sorts of emotional abuse. It really f'ked me up, to be honest."
"He cleaned up his act in high school/college. Found the family he never had in his college mates. He was a lot friendlier when I met him and was clearly trying to make an effort. In truth I'm just glad that he's happy. It was evident that he was messed up as a kid so it's nice to see him find his way."
"My childhood best friend, on the other hand, went the polar opposite... perfectly good kid who just went off the deep end and became CRAZY as an adult lol."
The One Who Scored
"Ugh... I got past the BS, then I noticed, watching baseball one day. One of my HS bullies went on to play pro ball. He jumped around from the rangers, astros, reds and orioles. F'kin guy signed a 3 year 30mil contract a few years ago. A relief pitcher, not that good. But damn."
Spoiler Alert: No Longer Arm Wrestles
"He lost his arm. F'king idiot. There is a picture of him in the year book flexing his bicep that no longer exists. He punched so many of my friends with that arm. I didn't believe it when I heard he lost it because the story goes he picked a fight with the wrong dudes at a bar and they stomped him out and dragged him to the railroad tracks behind the bar. It seems unbelievable, but I looked him up on facebook and there he is...unable to clap."
"Side note: it was a pretty common thing in my town in Oklahoma to beat someone down and break their arm on the curb."
A Very Valuable Lesson
"Recently got out of Prison. He was driving drunk and killed my cousin. She didn't even live nearby, Her Mom and her were on a road trip to some family land 3+ hours from where they lived and he happened to be on the way."
"I wish I could say I was angry at him, but mostly it just makes me sad. My family mostly hates the guy, partially on my behalf. One of my formative memories is my Dad saying Hi to the kid while we were on a walk and when I asked why when the kid was mean to me he said that most mean kids are hurting. I wish I'd taken that chance to be nicer to the kid in return, as he'd largely stopped bullying me by High School. Not that I was mean, but I could have been something."
"I took that advice(and a lot of other things) and turned it into a career working with at risk teens, trying to help them break the various familial cycles that cause them problems."
– Aminar14
Fat-Shaming Ricochet
"She used to make fun of me for my weight. She is now a dollar general budget 'Instagram model' promoting body positivity because she's the weight that she used to make fun of me for."
"The guy who used to bully me for my weight and my friend for being gay is now overweight, balding, and looks like a lawn gnome."
Last Seen At KFC
"One of my bullies is currently addicted to multiple different kinds of drugs and the last time I saw her she was being walked out of a KFC by the police, half naked and with only one flip flop."
Apology And Forgiveness
"I saw my high school bully about 10 years later at a bar, strangely enough he came and apologised to me for his wrong doings. I forgave him instantly!"
"So HEY! yeah YOU! If you see someone you've tormented, maybe apologise! Certainly helped me and I'm guessing him also."
– Didge29
The trajectory of a dwindling friendship can take a couple different forms.
There is the gradual death approach, when years of mutual distance simply allows the once close bond to peter out. In this variety, there are often no hard feelings, just some nostalgia and the somber recognition that people grow and change.
But there is another way that friendships end: problematic behavior from one side crescendos until a breaking point is reached. Then, suddenly, the bond is snapped in a single instant.
It was this second kind of end that a recent Reddit thread was concerned with. Internet strangers of all ages and temperaments contributed their experience of a time when they just couldn't take it anymore and called it quits with someone they used to feel so close to.
Aidennn92 asked, "What was your 'I'm done with this friendship' moment?"
A Profound Lack of Empathy
"When my son died, who was an identical triplet, one of my friends told me that grieving would be easy as I have two other sons who look just like him." -- lucina20
"I would'a smacked him three times. 'This last slap should be easy, as you had two already.'" -- Stargazer7t
One Can Only Do So Much
"I output a lot of effort to help her try and get out of a debt caused by shopping sprees (no car, no school, racked up 25k just to buy stuff) she admitted to spending like $1000 a month on doordash so we focused on getting her out of that."
"I work in a place where I get a lot of excess food for free (meal kits so I have an excess of meat and produce every week!) and I offered to help her out that way."
"I brought her a selection of foods and recipes and when I brought it to her she expected me to cook it for her, stating that she hated cooking and would not cook for herself ever."
"It was the nail in the coffin that suggested she wouldn't take care of herself and would find a way to get someone else to do it. At that moment I couldn't do it and bounced."
-- Pathojay
Not at all a Safe Space
"When I quit doing drugs and informed all my friends that I am going clean. I was still drinking though so one night I got really drunk and closed my eyes on the couch."
"Everything was spinning but I can hear my former friend trying to convince my gf to allow him to put drugs in my nose, That itll make me feel better."
"She yelled back at him and said that we quit and we are going clean. He kept trying to push it and after a little while, she helped me into the car and locked the doors. Sleeping there till we sobered up and drove home."
"That was 5 years ago and I've stayed clean. I haven't hung out with him since and from what I heard, he's moved onto meth and never got clean."
-- BlackStarDB
Unsustainable Dynamics
"We were maybe 12 years old, and every single day was nonstop drama and a self-pity party with her. Every time her custom text tone rang from my phone, my heart jumped. That's how exhausting she was."
"One day she said 'you're not as fun as you used to be.' I was just furious and hurt by that comment after spending many nights trying to make her happy because she was always so sad."
"I basically said 'excuse me for acting like an adult.' She never answered back and we didn't talk at all after that."
"Until I was 19. I reached out to her for nostalgia's sake, and she was a lot more mature. She actually apologized to me for acting like an immature emo kid all the time. We chatted for a little bit and it was nice."
"We still don't talk, but it was nice to catch up and be on good terms with each other."
Didn't Realize What They Didn't Have
"I deleted my entire friend group who I was friends with throughout high school from my life entirely after I went to uni."
"My uni friend group were all very caring for each other and so supportive, and celebrated each others successes. My friend group from my home town were quite the opposite, always in competition with each other and full of macho egos."
"It wasnt until I'd experienced what being involved with a genuinely good group of people was like, that I realised that wasnt what I had with these people at all. After that realization I didnt want anything else to do with them and their toxicity."
-- Khal_Andy90
Taking the Wrong Side
"Disinvited me from a board game night because he'd turned it into a birthday party for a guy that assaulted me at the last minute (like, I was literally almost on my way out the door). And yes, he'd known what had happened, and had promised to never let that person set foot in his house again."
"Then, when I got upset and called him out on it, he told me he thought I'd made the whole thing up, that I was overreacting, and not to talk to him until I 'calmed down and got over it' (IIRC, he told me that I needed to 'be rational' as well)."
"That was 7 years ago. I'm still f***ing furious."
-- LemonSkye
Getting Used
"When they would only be 'friends' with me when they needed help with their homework, and then afterwards would proceed to make fun of me for being a nerd" -- PhysicsQueen
"I know that feel. I even did their homework, thinking the teasing would stop." -- Agitated_Signature_
The Cut Off
"Texted him to have coffee three times, he cancelled twice and ghosted the third time. We had been friends for 7 years. To this day (5 years later) I still have no idea what I did to piss him off."
"(Edit: we are both 50+ year old men. I know, right?)"
Enough Was Enough
"Friend wanted me to get involved with the church, I did. We read the entire Bible. But eventually he kept insinuating I'm going to hell no matter what and that I need to keep listening to him."
"After a year I'm just like, 'Go f*** yourself.' "
-- BigMilk0
Not a Good Look
"I asked him how it was going in his city during the protests, and he said, if he was a truck driver, he would have plowed full-speed right through the protestors for getting in his way."
"Done. F***in' done. Not giving someone like that the benefit of my friendship."
A Follower is Not a Friend
"She was in my wedding and came to the hospital to meet my son the day after he was born."
"She moved to a different state, got married & pregnant all without telling me. Apologized then asked me to come to her baby shower, where I very briefly met her husband."
"She has since returned to the state I live in about 5 times and each time she has done so without telling me...I find out through social media, the same way I learned all the other details."
"Friendship is a two-way street, and I'm tired of driving it alone."
Open and Shut Case
"The second his gf told me he sexual abused her. Literally it hit me that I had years of evidence of his predatory nature but I hadn't put it together. A decade of friendship burned down in less than a day, easy peasy."
"When we intervened/confronted him he didn't deny a thing. I have no regrets."
-- ladyalot
Witnessing True Colors
"We were friends and part of a nonprofit organization. This friend straight up told me she would do whatever it took to get another friend (who's one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet and supposedly one of her best friends) asked to step down from a management position because she wanted it."
"I didn't warn the friend because I didn't think she was serious."
"The f***ing sociopath did whatever it took to achieve her dream and lied her ass off. Things imploded, he was made to step down, she got her f***ing way."
"Joke was on her though because I helped get her yanked out of there. Only difference is, I did it with TRUTH, because that's how I roll."
Stepping Away When it Counts
"They dismissed our other friend's claims that 2 members of our group (who were known for having horrible attitudes towards women and sex) had taken advantage of her sexually when she was drunk and/or vulnerable."
"They also tried to play it all off as her being "a crazy bi***" and her being "unstable". She was neither of those things."
"I realised if I wanted to live up to my principles of listening to survivors and believing women, then I had to make the right choice. So, I ditched that group of 5 shitty men and their gross misogynistic attitudes and I'm glad I did."
-- SpeedoKill
Unsustainable
"I was out to dinner meeting my best friend's new boyfriend. We were all having a good time. Then she asked him if he thought I was pretty. He handles it perfectly and told her that he only had eyes for her. But she would not let it up."
"Finally she told me to keep my hands to myself. We were best friends! I never once even looked at a guy she was remotely interested in! And I was engaged at the time! So I finished the meal, told him it was great to meet him, went home, and never called or texted her again."
A Very Bizarre Way to Go About That
"Best friends as kids. Still really good friends in highschool. Left highschool. Went over to see him after he came home for Christmas from university. We hadn't spoken in 4 months and I was really looking forward to catching up."
"I went to his parents house and they invited me in. He sat opposite and proceeded to stonewall all attempts at conversation with single word answers and no return questions."
"I got the hint he wasn't in the mood and told him to contact me in a few days if he wanted to get a drink and catch up properly. No call ever came. That was 8 years ago."
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Parents Break Down The Exact Moment They Discovered Their Kid Was A Bully And How They Responded
A bully doesn't just magically happen. Bullies are molded. Sometimes they become who they are through violence or it's neglect. Hurt people hurt people. We know this all too well. So that is why when we recognize the signs in young children, we have to squelch it before it's too late. That is a difficult thing for a parent to recognize. But it would do the world a great service if parents stepped up and parented their unruly seed.
Redditor u/Swallowingwallowing wanted parents out there to discuss with the rest us, and hopefully offer some relief in the future of creating better adults by asking them to reveal. Parents of bullies, when did you realize your child was a bully and how did you react?Nasty Girl
frustrated ugh GIF by Equipe de France de FootballGiphyi lived next door to my younger sister's bully. We were constantly going over there to tell the mother "Hey, your kid hit my sister today" or "Hey, your kid bit my sister" and the girls were about 9/10 so she knew better.
The mother denied that her precious pet could do anything like that, a few days later the mother and the kid were at school and I was dropping my sister off, the bully girl walked up to a random younger kid and sucker punched her in the face, about 20 other adults saw, instead of disciplining her kid she started yelling at the kid she punched, calling this poor 9 year old a sl*t, a wh*re and a b***h then raised her hand to hit her, but when another couple of parents started yelling at her and pushing her away this grown ass 35 year old started crying her eyes out that people were calling her out on her bull.
It was a real eye opener that the kids probably pick up their abusive behavior from somewhere.
As it turns out the Mother was a complete psycho and regularly lost and gained custody of her kids because of her behavior, she goes through boyfriends like they're going out of fashion, hit one of them around the head with a rolling pin and cause crap wherever they go, the definition of a Karen, and upon knowing who the Mother's parents are, it's a family thing for sure.
A Fixable Problem
we take care of our girl relative as often as we can (she has her own family, we're just close)
She's 8 now and started bullying when she started school because she thinks she's "dominant".
Underlying reasons are mainly rooted in the household and environment: how she's being treated (mostly by adults), how people react to her actions, how she's being reprimanded, methods (and how often) she's disciplined, who she's surrounded by, etc.
Still hard to fix right now, but best method: keep calm and explain to the child. Cause-effect, consequences, the feelings and situation of the victim, etc. Remember that you're dealing with a kid, don't just scold them and expect em to see at your level of maturity and understanding. Explain, talk it out. Their stubbornness will get in the way, but stay firm and ease your way into their trust and comfort. Child Psychology, learn it.
She's not intentionally bad... Just that her jokes come off as sarcasm at such a young age, to the point of insult sometimes. We found out from her teachers and classmates. Problem: her household doesn't see this as an issue to address and actually celebrates her cleverness. But even when they do, their way of discipline obviously apparently doesn't work.
"i thought it was a brownie"
My parents thought i was a bully, i bit a kid in preschool cuz he had a huge brown freckle on his arm. Im talking 1.5 inch (38mm) diameter large. Parents took me to the kids house to apologize and help the other parents know why i did it. Literally told them "i thought it was a brownie" and i literally thought it was. So i wasn't truly a bully but more of a complete moron but for a few days 2 sets of parents believed i was the anti christ at 4 years old.
In elementary school
I was acquainted with a bully early on in elementary school. The way too aggressive type. I remember my other friends and I incidentally had similar stories of the bully trying to drown us in the local pool. He would punch kids all the time for no reason, and was extremely defensive, and mentally weak - even for an 8 year old. Despite it all, his parents were very nice, but spoiled him a fair amount. One day, on the first day of school that year, he was gone and nobody knew what happened. We assumed he moved away until 6 years later.
My friends and I were all playing soccer at the park across from the bully's house when suddenly we all spotted the bully atop his backyard play structure, fighting a younger man with a toy lightsaber. We all then came to the consensus that he had been sheltered for the past 6 years and most likely never left the house. Which I guess is one way to deal with a bully.
Sorry Matt....
tug of war hello GIF by Paul McCartneyGiphyNot a parent yet, but I took a dip into bullying for a bit.
For the most part, I was the one everyone picked on (for no real reason other than I behaved differently than pretty much everyone else). I was near the bottom of the totem pole, but they considered one lower than me. A rather plump kid by the name of Matt. I saw the other kids bullying him and making fun of him. I was feeling bitter that day and said something about him when his back was turned. The popular kids loved it.
For a week or two, I continued seeking this praise. The praise of being an @sshole. I don't remember the exact turning point, but one day I reflected upon myself. I thought "what am I doing?"
Eventually, I started seeking amends with him. He was very forgiving once I apologized, and we even became friends for the next few years. We ended up going to different high schools, but we even ran into each other when I went to a choir contest his school was hosting. We talked for hours. I'm glad I stopped when I did, because at the end of the day, an oversized belly is worlds better than an oversized ego any day.
The Bad Clique
My kid is fairly popular, more than I ever was, and I'm ashamed to admit I was conflicted when I learned from their school that they're part of a clique that bullies others.
My first thought should've been disappointment, but instead it was "I'm glad he doesn't have to put up with bullying like I had to as a kid." It was an instinctual response that borders on tribalism, i.e. I'd rather have my kid be a popular bully than be an unpopular victim.
But afterwards I approached it logically and sat him down, shared with him my experiences during school and how bullies nearly ruined my childhood. My kid respects me and hasn't seen me that vulnerable before, so it ended up making an impact. I'm sure though as long as he sticks with that same social circle he will still be in situations where he looks the other way on bullying. I can only continue to try and guide him to the best of my ability.
It was me....
I am a parent but of only a 4 year old. But I was a huge bully in high school and I'm such an idiot it never even dawned on me until I was like maybe 21-22. I did horrible stuff just for laughs. But I made it a priority to personally apologize to everyone formally and in person since then. It's one of my highest priorities as a father to ensure my son embraces everyone as a friend when he gets older.
She also whooped me.
I was a bully in middle school and high school and was bullied as well. I never saw myself as a bully because I was constantly picked on and made fun of and didn't realize how many people's feelings I was hurting.
It honestly took a trip to the office freshman year for me to come face to face with the fact that I was making other people feel bad about themselves.
My mom sat me down and reminded me of my insecurities and how I used to come home and cry. She told me if I wanted to make other people hate me like I hated my bullies, then I should keep on doing what I'm doing.
She also whooped me. I made reparations and try to be better than I am. I have a tough mom.
She is who she is....
It Is What It Is Dont Care GIF by AwesomenessTVGiphyMy parents realized my youngest sister was a bully when she was like 6 and now she's 16 and they still haven't done anything about it.
Time Out Son.
Not so much bullying, but being abrasive in online gaming chats. With everything locked down I've been (very happily!) able to spend more time with both of my Sons. My youngest, 15, is very competitive when it comes to online gaming. Currently Rocket League, but it's been Fortnite etc in the past. So I'm at my desk and he's at his and I hear some fairly toxic stuff that he's saying to team mates one night. I told him game time was over, shut it down.
Proceeded to have a front porch talk about what being a good team mate is all about and how supporting the team was always a better idea than dragging people down or making them ashamed. He was pretty responsive, logged back into discord and apologized to the guys/gals he'd been teamed with and we haven't had an incident since then. I'm very proud of him, if you can't tell.
Garfield the Cat....
GiphySeveral answers here are along the lines of "one of the things that makes a bully is lack of attention". My parents love me more than life itself, and yet I was still a bully in my elementary years. I couldn't tell you why exactly, other than just saying 'autism', which is no excuse. My parents did not allow the teachers to use that as an excuse, and made sure I was appropriately punished. And I am so grateful for that.
Anyway, most autistic children have the one thing they obsess over. For me, it was Garfield the cat. Every phone call from the principal, one Garfield thing was taken away, and it broke my parent's hearts, but it worked.
Edit: I consulted my mother to see if she had any insight as to the reason. Best guess is lack of regard for other people's feelings.
Edit 2: please stop recommending r/Imsorryjon to me. If I wanted to ruin my childhood, I'd already be subscribed to that subreddit.
"do no wrong'"
All I know is that my wife is a teacher, and when she tells parents about their kid being mean, or a bully, or anything 'bad', they just say crap like "he doesn't do that at home, he's a good boy, you must be lying, or the other kids are lying" the parents at her school are affluent and can 'do no wrong'.
Parents, please listen to your children's teachers.
"Us vs. Them"
You should know that one of the major forming factors for bullies can be parents paying no attention at all, so the replies you get may be limited by that. Bullying is often more of a dysfunctional attempt at socializing than it is real sadism or manipulation. It depends on which bullying problems you're looking at, of course. But lots of it like harassment-teasing targeting peers that are perceived as weaker is actually an attempt to force camaraderie with others by creating an "Us vs. Them" environment.
My Son.
My son was a bully.
1st grade I started getting noticed from his teacher that he was throwing sand at girls and stabbing people with a pencil. I talked to him and he had crazy first grade reasons like "she was being mean first". I told him it's not cool and to knock it off. Every teacher meeting I would tell them to let me know and I'll punish him.
Second grade. I meet the teacher. I warn her that I think he's a bully and to watch him. Now he's being mean to specific people. Anyone that can't run fast etc. I'm thinking to myself... I can't watch him all the time, what do I do. At home I start punish him but it doesn't really do anything. All teacher conferences main agenda is bullying.
Third grade. I meet the teacher and warn her we have a bully on our hands. Same crap happens. I'm reading a book on the subject and I read a passage that says if you call a kid a bully he lives up to the role. Hmmmm let the experiment begin.
From that day I stopped calling him a bully and started saying things like "your going to help your teacher today right? You are a good boy. Make me proud by being a helper". Almost night and day. The calls stopped. The next teacher conference, the teacher said how helpful he was.
He's in 8the grade now. No bully calls. I make him do volunteer work weekly just in case. He still does crazy crap like attacking kids that are mean to girls but no bullying. I don't know if I caught it in time or if my kid just needed coaching but it worked.
In Girl Scouts.
GiphyNot my story but my mom's/friend's mother: a friend of mine became a bully in middle school. My mom and her mom were friends when we were kids in Girl Scouts (we played together but went our own way more and more when she started to become mean). There was this community event about bullying for Girl Scouts I think and my mom went to support the organizer and because I'd been bullied for years. She wanted to find ways to support me and resolved troop conflicts.
This friends mom went and my mom saw her, she's since left the troop and it had been a few years, and was surprised. Asked her if her daughter had been bullied too. She responded "no, my daughters become a bully and I'm embarrassed. I want to understand why she's doing this and try to teach her how much she's hurting others." My mom was really really impressed because this woman, prior to this conversation, was kind but rather aloof and ignored a lot of the previous "young girls picking on each other in Girl Scouts/clubs", passing it off as just normal kid issues.
It was almost like she'd finally flicked a switch and realized that her daughter's behavior had been progressively getting worse over the years and she, as a mom, had just ignored it until it got to a very serious point. I'm not sure what came if it, but from other people who went to high school with her, she apparently became less of a true bully and started to act more kindly. I always wondered how those conversations went.
The Cousins.
know I got one of my old bullies hard when, on suggestion from one of my cousins to invite said bullies to my birthday party (7 total, only one showed) and proceeded to introduce the kid as "the craphead who beats me up every day" even called him that in front of his mom. I know at some point the kids mom had a discussion with my mom (I'll ask if she remembers how it went) and after about 20 minutes they up and left.
Never had a issue with him afterwards.
Update... talked to mom, she doesn't remember the exact words that were used but the conversation was basically bully's mom saying I was being rude to my guest and was using foul language I shouldn't use. To which my mom proceeded to tell her all the crap this kid and his little circle of goons did to me, my mom was actually going to pull me aside and show the lady the bruises I had on me from him and the other bullies when she decided to leave.
"I'm sorry"
I used to (verbally) bully a neighborhood-kid. I think we were around 7 or 8 years old or so. She was deaf and therefore talked a bit weird. At one point we were being mean towards her and it got so bad she jumped on her bike to get away from us and she lost her balance and fell, chafing her chin and palms. She starts crying, and at the same time laughing but also panic and remorse on our side ensued.
Not long after I got home, her mother called mine and my mum was very upset and angry with me. She said she was taking me to the toy store and told me to bring my pocket money and buy this girl a gift as an apology. Also I had personally go to her house, ring the bell, come in, gift her the present and say I'm sorry, that it was hurtful what i did and would never do it again.
I remember feeling so bad, I cried harder than she did when she fell of her bike earlier that afternoon. I was so ashamed of myself and horrified that my mum was so mad at me. The girl asked me why I did this to her and I just could not answer the question. I just wept like a baby on my own mothers lap, mumbling "I'm sorry" between sobs.
For sure my parents taught me a lesson.
Fallen Apples.
Not until he started 5th grade. He was super close to his grandpa (wife's dad) and when he died it destroyed him and his behavior changed. Few weeks after the funeral this kids mom called my wife saying things my kid was saying and doing. Not the school mind you. We had a parent teacher conference days BEFORE she called. Teacher didn't say a word. We talked to him.
Your first reaction is to protect your kid and not accept it, but we can tell by the way he was reacting to the discussion. We arranged a playdate of sorts. We monitor it now. He talks to a therapist to. He's a good kid just makes terrible decisions. As a father of 4 we've been on the other end of it as well and usually if the kids an a**hole so is one or both of the parents. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree at times.
Worth it.
I was the victim until I paid older kids in snacks to beat up the people bullying me. I made sure they knew I had caused their injuries.
You see the snack transaction was a one time thing but the bullies thought the older kids that beat them up were my mates... and i kept that lie alive.
Less than 3 quid to take out a hit on my tormentors. 👍
Worth it.
It's Me.
GiphyA bunch of friends and myself were sitting around one day talking about school and we got to the subject of being bullied. As I sat there listening, I realized that I didn't have a story to tell. This is when I also realized I was the bully.
We all have bad moments, bad days, bad phases in life. It's been said that everyone is the villain in someone's story - and sometimes we are the villain even in our own.