When you're in a relationship, it's important to stay alert.
Yes, you of course want to give in to love.
But when you start seeing red flags, be vigilant.
You're gut always knows more than you give it credit for.
Sometimes those flags are a sign that it's time to jump ship.
if you see them... run.
Redditor Shinfekta wanted to compare notes on why people would immediately end a relationship, so they asked:
"What red flag is an instant break up reason for you?"
The signs are always there, but I tend to put on blinders.
I need to do better.
A Big Deal
Illustration Text GIF by Jacqueline Jing Lin
Giphy
"Someone that casually says they've cheated. There's no way around that for me."
Kitchen-Bid-8235
"Or worse when they treat cheating as somehow noble."
2diceMisplaced
Hear Me!
"Wanting and demanding my attention but not reciprocating whatsoever."
Cranky_Windlass
"My ex. She would get pissed when she would talk to me about something while I was working and I wasn’t giving her my full attention. But every time I wanted to tell her something while she was doing nothing, she would get 'ADHD distracted' and completely ignore me or interrupt me to say something completely irrelevant."
ModestMustang
"I had a friend like this! he literally completely ignored me for 6 months and then blew up at me for not responding to him within an hour. Very strange."
KindBrilliant7879
Wronged
"Never admitting a mistake."
Curious-Force5819
"I know a total hottie that is notoriously known for not being able to admit he’s wrong, sucks because he’s a gem outside of this. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a fair and responsible person in general… but he 100% can’t admit he was wrong in banter or a light argument even when he realizes he realizes he’s wrong hahaha lost confidence in him ASAP."
Zomgirlxoxo
"This is a big one, even when these types of people apologize they still pass the blame. 'I'm sorry for my behavior but you made me really angry.'"
space_being135513
Never Again
"Unmanaged mental illness. Never again."
RuggedHamster
"I was with a girl that had that and I helped her through all of it and it was so hard to deal with it all but somehow I managed but when she felt better she just left me for her best friend’s ex and I was left with all that trauma because I loved her with all my heart and soul but she was just using me to feel better… and when she broke up with her best friend’s ex she came crawling back begging me to be with her again but it was too late.. the damage has already been done and I can’t do that again even though I still love her but I can’t tell her that... sorry for venting."
d7oomy998899
Afterthought
Sad Sponge Bob GIF by SpongeBob SquarePants
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"If someone makes you feel alone, that you don't matter, or if you are a second choice on most of the occasions, you need to leave."
Mycatsnameislegolas
Always know when to acknowledge your feelings.
And know when to depart.
Behavior
Andre Leon Talley Manners GIF by GIPHY News
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"How they treat animals, children, elderly, handicapped, and service workers."
"A wise man once said: judge a person not by how they treat their equals, but by how they treat their inferiors."
Major-Ad148
Just Kidding
"Being mean as their 'thing' or 'just a joke.'"
netsbr
"'I'm just sassy!'" No, you're a bi*ch."
BansheeShriek
"I’m going to be honest, with certain friends I am absolutely ruthlessly mean, to the point that people are actually concerned it’s just bullying."
"However with strangers, I’m nothing like that. And the friends that I am meant to, they do the exact same thing back to me. We also know that if we need each other, then the meanness is dropped instantly, and it’s nothing but support and love."
5tr4nGe
Well-Meaning
"Zero accountability for anything. Everything they do is absolutely justifiable because, well, they mean well."
Throw_thethrowaway
"Yeah, I was looking for this answer! And it’s true outside of romantic relationships also! I had to end a friendship over this exact behavior- it was never her fault, always the victim, and her hurtful behavior shouldn’t be addressed because she 'meant well…' but my feelings are still hurt so why don’t I matter?!"
helibear90
"This. Can't stand people who always play the victim or blame everyone else and never take accountability for what they do."
_5minutesalone
Boundaries
"This one may take a while, but I would break up if I notice them creeping over personal boundaries, and not stopping when I tell them about it."
"People cross each others' boundaries all the time. I'm happy to give the benefit of the doubt until it becomes apparent that they have no intention to respect me."
"For example, if I don't like tickles or being startled, don't do that. It's not about the tickling, it's about them respecting me. And if there's no respect, there's no relationship."
Ptatofrenchfry
Talk to Me
Sarah Jessica Parker Hbo GIF by Divorce
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"If I'm hearing about a problem in our relationship from someone else rather than the partner. It shows huge trust issues."
"I've seen three divorces in my life, and they all were the result of the girl venting to her mother and her friends about issues she should have discussed with her husband."
michajlo
Communication is key.
If you're not talking to you're partner, why are they you're partner?
Strangers online had a discussion over a hypothetical when Redditor Infinity-X78 asked:
"Your ex calls you and says they miss you, How would you react?"
The window of redemption has expired.
We Are Gathered Here Today
"Amazed, flabbergasted! She's D E A D"
– spook7886
"Don’t trust her."
– NYVines
"means she tried find better but couldnt and now is desperate"
"not worthy of your trust."
– codeboss911
Class Reunion
"My last 'ex' was from 1989 so I would be shocked and confused if the girl I went to prom with a lifetime ago called me."
– TraditionalLock7846
"Ha my Mom had to call her first husband about 20-25 years after they separated because my dad's health insurance found out that she never got divorced from him when she needed her breast implants removed for medical reasons. She thought he filed he thought she filed. He had been married for a while and so had my parents. Only found out about all of this when I woke up one day to a note that said 'went to Arkansas to marry your Dad. Be back soon.' And this was before cell phones were common, so I had to wait like 8 hours to get answers."
– FluffyOwl30
Time for some mischief.
Wrong Number
"After they talked for a while, just act slightly confused and say 'sorry, number isn’t saved. Who’s this?'”
–No_Possession_9314
"I keep every number so I don't have to have the 'New phone, who this?' conversation. If it's someone I don't want to talk to, especially if it's someone I don't want knowing if it's still my current number, I just don't answer."
– F'kHopeSignedMe
Ignore It
"I would miss the call. I don't answer calls from strangers."
– effingusername123
"Reminds me of a quote:"
"'Not friends, not enemies. Just strangers with some memories.' - anonymous"
– OP
The Song Says It All
"'Now you're just somebody that I used to know.' - Australian guy that was popular for 6 seconds, and has been sitting on a pile of residuals for a decade."
– shanster925
"I too am a fan of Got'em"
– zoidy37
"Hearts a mess by gotye slaps."
– Background_Artist_85
Some people were strongly against giving second chances.
Some Advice
"As someone who took the bait, don't."
– CpuJunky
"True. Never go back to what broke you, especially after you've healed."
"Going back to an ex is like opening the fridge and taking a sip of sour, spoiled milk and putting it back in the fridge in hopes that the next day it would be fresh."
– Infinity-X78
Avoiding The Same Drama
"A therapist once told me 'Don’t go back to a poison well just because it’s the only water you’ve known.'"
"Honestly changed my life."
– BrotherOfTheOrder
Changing For The Worse
"Oof, same. She said she learned from her mistakes and changed, but she was more hurtful and selfish the second time around lol"
– Mycatstolemyidentity
"If you ever have a moment of weakness, always remind yourself about why you broke up in the first place."
– Creative_Recover
Some people had an easy time getting things off their chest.
I Hear You, But...
"I miss you, too. You were, and are, the love of my life. And I know you loved me. But you were so very bad at it. Goodbye."
– thedreadedaw
"Damn. Having reluctantly broken up with my ex because he very, very clearly lost every last shred of interest in me, this one hit me hard."
– sassyphrass
"This is really beautiful. The realness of this response"
– gbourg12
Call From The Ex-Wife
"My wife left me and after a year and a half called back. Asked if I ever think about her. I said of course, but...we are not a good fit. Plus, I am a changed man and I'm no longer the same guy you knew before."
– series_hybrid
"Mine did the same but we got back together lol."
– gt4674b
Maintaining solid relationships take work.
But depending on how bad they are, it shouldn't cause constant stress and anxiety.
Breakups, in this case, are necessary, and it's not about giving up.
It's about moving on and saving your sanity.
So when an ex calls from out of the blue, it may come from a place of being lonely or pining for the good memories of a lost relationship.
Go with your gut, and be aware that with a few exceptions, people don't really change.
Dating an ex actually has a term: backsliding.
But, if you end up rekindling a relationship that previously ended badly and it is a huge improvement, then you won the love lottery.
"What's the weirdest reason you've broken up with someone?"
Shiver Me Timbers!
"In the early 2010ish era I was in college and went out for Halloween."
"And met a guy dressed as a pirate that looked like Johnny Depp dressed as a pirate, it was the era of those movies."
"We started dating and I realized he looked like a pirate 24/7/365 and I couldn’t handle it."- toreadorable
Bird Watching Isn't For Everyone...
"We saw an owl while driving in a road and I thought it was so cool to see it fly over us and land in a nearby tree."
"She thought I was crazy."
"I mean…it’s an owl."
"How can it not be cool?"- SlytherinWario
soup GIF by NateNo One Likes A Cheater
"She thought she got the answer to the crossword, when it was actually me."- IsolatedPSup
Compromise Is Key
"Never wanted to get tacos."- Mcshiggs
Loud And Clear
"He talked so fast that I often couldn’t understand him."
"When I would ask him to please talk slower, he would talk LOUDER."
"But just as fast."- SouthSideSurvivor
Season 2 Fairfax GIF by Amazon Prime VideoGiphyAt Least Pancakes Are Round...
"We had an argument about the way the world works.'
"I thought it worked as a globe he thought it worked as a pancake."- Minix22·
Not Cool
"She threw garbage out my truck window while driving down the road."
"First date-last date."- paintman01
Pee-Ew!
"His feet smelled."
"I mean so bad."
"They were so bad one night I thought he sh*t the bed."
"Wasn't going to go the long haul with that."- hunnyjo
Disgusted Full House GIF by absurdnoiseGiphyElle Ne Comprend Pas...
"She would speak French to herself in the mirror at home, and then she would do it at restaurants thinking it made her sound sexy, I guess?"
'I don’t know."
'Here’s the thing."
"She knew not one word of French."
"She had no desire to learn a single word of French."
"She just spoke gibberish that sounded VAGUELY like French."
"She was a full grown woman in her late 20s."
"College degree and a job."
"She started doing it around the second month into our relationship."
"That sh*t embarrassed the hell out of me."
"I know a few words and even offered to teach her - foreign student taught me how to say, 'I love a lobster' and other weird sh*t that we both thought was hilarious while getting baked."
'She said she didn’t want to learn."
'She just wanted to act like she was speaking French."- LookMaNoPride
french yes GIFGiphyDog Gone It...
"Her dog was teaching my dog to howl at sirens."- Wake95
Some Might Find This an "Eeeeexcellent" trait...
"He had posture & hands like Mr. Burns from 'The Simpsons'."- Natural-Ad2924
Moving Too Fast...
"She added me to her family's group chat after a week of dating."
"I was about 16 at that time and felt much pressure."- SirLaw___
Im Watching You GIFGiphyIf a relationship has no future, there's no point in staying in it.
And sometimes, you don't even need to dig for an excuse as to why things need to come to an end.
Or, as the French would say: "Escargots, Brie, Formidable"...
(Sacré Bleu!)
Redditor Throwaway4561947373 wanted to discuss everyone's thoughts on dating options, so they asked:
"Would you ever date a pornstar? Why or why not?"
I did briefly date a porn star.
It was fun. But I'm way too jealous.
Schedule
Disgusted Season 6 GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"I dated a stripper. Her schedule was the real deal breaker. Well, that and her cocaine addiction, but that's beside the point."
C-C-C-Coolah
"The schedule thing was kind of nice at first because I value my alone time, but after a while the showing up at my house at 530am before I went to work was starting to make me feel really gross."
C-C-C-Coolah
No Mas
"I dated a stripper once. Craziest couple of months of my life. I still have no idea how old she is or what her actual life story is/was. The sex was shockingly tame, but she did have awesome ti*s. Not a chapter in my life I’d like to revisit tho haha."
Climate_Face
"I had a roommate who was dating a stripper and eventually dating her 'show partner' at the same time. It was a very wild 5 months where he got almost no sleep (schedule thing, not sex thing) and eventually said 'no mas.' Turned out there was too much of a good thing."
ksuwildkat
Wild
"I don’t think I personally could. Little too wild of a lifestyle/profession for me."
JessiePeteWhite
"Also, just imagining dealing with the fans that come from dating a regular celebrity makes me feel uneasy. The kind of people who'd seek out a pornstar in public would be a whole other level of cringe."
Poignant_Porpoise
"I wonder how you envisage their lifestyle. Plenty of them live normal lives and just go to work like anyone else. And especially with how many are independent these days the work is a lot more in their control and safer."
Athaelan
Patreon
"I dated a girl who sold nudes on Patreon back in the day. When we first started dating I knew she had nudes up on deviant art, bit didn't know about the Patreon. She never liked going out during the day except if we went to the movies. One day I got the tines for the different theaters mixed up."
"Got there, the next shoeing was in an hour, so we said f**k it and went to the cafeteria (the theater was attached to a mall) and ate some food. Some random chubby dude comes out excited and out of breath calling her by her handle saying he buys a bunch of her pictures and he couldn't believe he was meeting her."
"We were both frozen. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to scare the guy off or let her try to make another sale while she thought I was gonna be pi**ed that she didn't tell me about her Patreon. We laughed about it later."
AshyBoneVR4
About the $$$
Pay Me Kim Kardashian GIF by GQGiphy"Thought about dating a stripper but even outside the club when we just hang out as friends she’s very monetary about everything. If I have to pay a service fee to hang out with you then I’d rather just not."
Keyguin
Always follow the money.
That's where the truth is.
Work
Sexy Jessica Alba GIFGiphy"No, because I'd feel like I was asking them to work whenever I wanted to have sex. I never said it was a rational thought, people."
Froticlias
Do what you Gotta!
"I dated a porn star for a bit. he was straight but did mostly gay shoots because it's higher paid. when he would tell me he had a good day at work it usually would mean that everyone was being cooperative or something funny happened."
night-gloss
"I have a friend that’s a porn star, and she said sex on set is very different from sex with someone you love/care about."
Gogh619
"That makes sense, but I could still imagine feeling like you’ve been touched and simulated so much that doing it more seems overwhelming, even if emotionally you would want to do it. And if you’re a guy you might not have much left in the tank so to speak."
Leet_Noob
For Love
"It's easy to say I wouldn't judge but in all honesty pretty sure many people wouldn't be comfortable, some would be I guess but most wouldn't. I think it all falls down to when you are dating them if you are truly in love enough to allow this or well maybe you like they do that anyway, it's really hard to say in real life."
DemonCyborg27
Lack of Potential
"Definitely not. Whenever I've dated someone, I've been at least open to the possibility of it potentially turning into marriage and a family; I would not want my kids to have to deal with that. Can you imagine going through your teens, with people sending you clips of your mum doing whatever to and with whoever? Your teenage years can be a tough enough experience by their own merit; let alone adding in that crap."
J-in-the-UK
A Current Affair
"A former pornstar and I wouldn't have an issue, we all have a past after all. An active pornstar though would be a serious no from me. I know I wouldn't be able to handle my partner being intimate with another person while they are with me, it being their job wouldn't matter."
votemarvel
Well to each their own.
Just be nice about people's choices.