We all scream for ice cream.
"Go to Doncaster, England, to pick-up an ice-cream van for a friend that he'd bought on eBay while he was in Australia."
"I said yes, and so it began..."
"Firstly he wired me £6000, which I withdrew in cash to pay for it."
"At the time this was the most money I'd ever held so I was a little nervous."
"My girlfriend then drove me down the M1 to Doncaster, and dropped me off at a house with a Pepto Bismol pink ice-cream van in the driveway."
'I knocked on the door and a jolly, gigantic man in dirty overalls opened the door and spent the next two hours with me as I learnt to strip and rebuild the Mr. Whippy ice-cream machine inside the van."
"I was thoroughly unprepared for this."
"I was also unprepared for the machine exploding in my face after loading it with the minimum 4 litres of UHT ice-cream mix."
"With slightly sour milk now liberally coating my clothes, and the light fading, the Friendly Ice-cream Giant talked me through the intricacies of starting and driving a 1973 Bedford ice-cream van."
"The ice-cream machine inside ran off the engine, rather than a generator like most do."
"So there was an elaborate set of linkages that transferred the engine power from the wheels to the machinery when engaged."
"They were also entirely exposed and directly where you would normally put your foot when driving."
"Lovely."
"The engine also didn't start on its own, you had to crack open the bonnet and spray a generous amount of combustable gas directly into the air intake before giving the accelerator a bloody good stomp."
"Fortunately, The F.I.G did this for me. He then let me drive it to the local petrol station to fill it up, during which time he also let me discover that the speedo, windscreen wipers and lights didn't really work."
"Oh, and neither did the fuel gauge."
"And, for some reason, the fuel cap was level with the tank, so you couldn't pump fuel into at more than a dribble or it all ran back out."
"This meant you had no real idea how much fuel was in it."
"But plenty to get it home, I was assured."
"After, sort of, filling it up, struggling to start it, and chugging home at an unknown, but very leisurely, pace, I paid him and we filled in some paperwork."
"At which point he let me know it was untaxed and, contrary to my friends belief, not exempt."
"So I'd be breaking the law driving it home."
"Which I now had to do."
"In the dark."
"With no real lights."
"Did I mention it had just started to rain?"
"But off I set, gingerly traversing the on-ramp to the busiest motorway in the UK, foot to the floor, wind whistling through the various holes in the bodywork."
"I had no idea how fast I was going, but from the waves and gestures I got from passing vehicles it definitely wasn't fast enough."
"I also realized I didn't know how good the brakes were."
"Or what condition the tires were in."
"And it was wet, very wet."
"And the off-ramp was downhill, with lights at the bottom."
"Oh goody, now there was smoke coming from the bonnet."
"By some miracle of agricultural engineering and blind faith I made it back to my flat, and parked the dreaded van in a visitors space."
"Where it sat for the next 3 months, as I gradually ate my way through the industrial sized box of Cadbury's flakes that were going out of date."
"Until my building management lost their sense of humor and forced my friend to come and get it or they'd have it towed away. because once he realized he'd bought a lemon, he was in no hurry to have it become his problem."
"But I'd do it all again."
"The joy you can give kids on boring car journey by hitting the ice-cream tune as they go past is brilliant."- Will-this-do
Ice Cream Truck GIF by Jordan McGrawGiphyA real friend puts up with all kinds of sh*t.... literally
"Not something a friend asked of me but something a friend offered to help with."
"Had a lingering smell of rotten sewage in the house."
"Was a bit short on money at the time so I called a buddy who can fix anything to see if he could figure it out."
"He identifies the issue right away and crawls under my house to find a previous owner used drano and must have not done a proper flush so it ate away the main sewer pipe."
"At least 6 months of sh*t, piss, and food was built up that was probably 4 inches deep."
"He went to his truck to put on his boilersuit and crawled through my girlfriends and my sh*t for 2 hours replacing the rotted pipe."
"I was down there with him trying to help however I could but he pretty much did the repair solo."
"Every time he encountered a thick chunk of poo he would yell up through the crawl hole that my girlfriend should ease off on the corn."
"Didn't phase him one bit and he wouldn't accept any form of payment even though I insisted I had to repay him somehow."
"Best friend I've ever had, this isn't the only example I could give about how great of a friend he is but definitely the wildest."
"Dan the man, you the real MVP if you ever see this."- COYFC
"I became friends with a female coworker as I was dating a guy who was friends with her boyfriend at the time."
"She had this weird thing about not pooping around him to the point when they eventually did long distance she would visit him for the weekend and hold it in the ENTIRE TIME."
"We planned a trip together and shared a hotel room with all four of us."
"While her and I were getting ready to go out, she pulled me aside and told me she had to poop so bad but didn’t want to be in the bathroom alone because everyone would know she was pooping."
"She asked me to stay in the bathroom with her while she took a sh*t so it would just seem like we were doing our make up."
"I kid you not, it stank so bad that I’m 100% sure the guy smelled it in the room anyways and we both just looked like weirdos who poo together."- titsout666
But who helped him bury it?
"To 'un bury his boat' no other information was given, I said yes and turns out he thought that burying his boat in one of our cornfields would help protect it over the winter because 'it wouldn’t get snowed on cause it underground'."- EatingH_tlersB_oty
digging spring fever GIFGiphyThe "big cheese" indeed...
To borrow my truck to 'get the cheese'."
"He drives a Tahoe, I have no clue how much cheese he was getting."- Zpitfire_MK_VI
Keep your property off mine!
"Neighbour asked if they could put a dead rat in our bin because they didn't want to put it in theirs."- HungInSarfLondon
An underground operation gone wrong...
"Back in the old days, had a paranoid friend pay me good money to rent out and dupe porn vhs tapes because he didn't want a record of him renting them out."
"His logic: if he ever became famous he didn't want a record of him renting out porn tapes."
"Postscript: he never became famous."- jacklord392
Bizarre as many of these favors are, one will effortfully lower their raised eyebrow and muster up the courage to do it, on the assumption that this friend would do the same for you.
Then too, sometimes getting a bizarre request might actually indicate just how good a friend some people actually are...
Octopuses... they're just like us
"Octopuses are usually very antisocial but when they’re under the influence of ecstasy they are more willing to spend time around each other or even hug other octopuses."- Stab_That_Ukulele
The body compensates
"When you are starving, and have little body fat left, your body can grow almost fur-like hair to insulate itself in absence of fat."- A_Stupid_Fish29
"Your body’s normal functions can slow down to accommodate organ disease."
"For example, I have 40% lung function, but my O2 is completely normal at 98% saturation."
"They didn’t discover any lung disease until I had a ct scan done for other reasons and my lungs happened to show up in that."- nocturnal_numbness
What this would do for humanity!
"Cheetahs are so genetically similar that supposedly you can draw blood from one and inject it straight into another one without any health issues in the receiving animal."
"I.E. no blood type or clotting factor variations."- 0ttr
big cats cat GIF by BBC EarthGiphySo strange, that it makes perfect sense?
"Coca-Cola can help with blood stains."- Buzzed_Woody
Good thing they don't need a toilet...
"Guinea pigs average pooping around 100 times a day."- morgandanso
Um...
"In Phoenix, Arizona, you are legally allowed to bury a dead body on your property without asking for permission/getting a permit/etc."
"The city asks that you contact them beforehand so they can send someone out to stake for gas/electric lines, but it’s not required."- hedalexa12
digging sarah chalke GIFGiphyWho wouldn't?
"If provided with a mirror, dolphins will admire their own genitals."- Cymiril
The brain is a delicate creature
"There is a chemical called MPTP that specifically destroys dopaminergic neurons in the brain."
"About 3 days after someone ingests it, they get Parkinson's disease."- SheilaBoof
Gruesome with good intentions?
"In the 1960s or 70s, the Swiss Air Force dropped severed chicken heads all over the forests of Switzerland."
"The chicken heads contained the rabies vaccine, and the airdrop was to vaccinate wild foxes against rabies."- EnormousPurpleGarden
fennec fox GIFGiphyMakes you think twice about randomly plotted plants...
"If you bury a body, cover it with endangered plants so no one digs it up."- milkmankarl
This is why you don't play with your food
"Mayonnaise is flammable, and ketchup can be made into bombs."-- EGG_EGG_EGG_EGGG
I guess it's OK if it's in his own time?...
'My doctor at the GP is know in my town for violently masturbating between patients."
"It’s just something everyone knows but just ignores and accepts."- Waltz2496
Laying false claims!
"The dodo wasn’t hunted by the Dutch."
"It was by animals brought by the Dutch."
'Arizona has London bridge, despite literally being called London bridge, it was moved to Lake Havasu, Arizona."- ArizonanCactus
London GIF by Cinecom.netGiphyThey're watching us...
"The NSA has a secret HQ in the middle of downtown NYC."
"They built it inside of a creepy skyscraper less than a mile from the World Trade Center.'
"Check out this video for more info."- Affectionate-Can-224
In case you wonder why it's taking so long...
'Most scaffolding in NYC isn't meant for construction."
"It's just sitting there to fulfill an inspection requirement."- Affectionate-Can-224
They were also often confused for sea serpents...
'A whales penis is 8 feet long or meters, can’t remember."- BenefitImpressive205
You have to wonder how he found that out?...
"Not mine, but Formula 1 driver Valterri Bottas knows that average penis size of a beaver to the mm."- tm2007
Let's hope these aren't related...
"So a pack of pirahnas can devour a child in under 5 minutes."
' Anyways, I was fired from the Aqarium yesterday."- MioncB
Ain't that a trip...
"A woman named Margaret Howe Lovatt had a sexual encounter with a dolphin during NASA-funded research in the '60s after the dolphine was dosed with LSD."- johnslegers
Happy Brain GIFGiphyOne never knows when learning this newfound information might become useful.
Especially for parents of children eager to buy a Guinea Pig...
Stealth killers.
"A polar bear will calmly stalk up to you and start eating you alive without roaring or charging."
"Like how you would just walk across the kitchen to pick up an apple and start eating while going about your day."
"No drama, no theatrics, just murder."- Malphos101.
Polar Bear Food GIF by BBC AmericaGiphyOne way to blow off a date.
"Female dragonflies fake their deaths and crash to the ground and play dead when stalked by an unwelcome lover."- SuvenPan.
Body and soul
"Put simplistically, male angler fish bite into and get absorbed by the female during mating."-tagibear.
They call them "killer whales" for a reason.
"Orcas are one of the very few apex predators of the ocean."
"They’ll actually hunt great white sharks, rip them open and eat their livers (and sometimes heart) as a sort of ocean delicacy."- TheRestForTheWicked.
"Killer whales will slap a seal into the air resulting in them dying from the fall just because."
"Not to get food or defense, but just because they’re bored."- FuzzyRoach642.
Killer Whale GIF by Nature on PBSGiphySomething to keep in mind before kissing...
"Lobsters pee out of their faces."- NotACyclopsHonest.
Something that weird looking can't be real.
"The Royal Society thought that a taxidermied platypus was a prank when they saw the first one."
"Apparently naturalists would frequently send each other frankenstein'd abominations for goofs."- bjanas.
Speedy emasculation
"Camels have specially evolved canine teeth for the express purpose of biting off balls of other male camels- OneNastyJaguar.
wildlife camel GIFGiphy"Let's get ready to rumble!"
"In Tasmanian Devil mating season, the male has to beat the female into submission."
If he fails, the female beats the male up."- bugboyjohnny.
A very brief time on this earth
"The honeybees you see in your yard are in the last 2 to 3 weeks of their lives."- Fit-Environment-8140.
Fascinating facts indeed.
Though, after learning some of these facts, best to behold these creatures within the safety of a zoo or aquarium.
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Reddit user UWigsOfficial asked:
"What historical facts sound fake but aren't?"
Guess It Wasn't Meant To Happen
"The fact that two times the Mongols attempted to invade Japan and both times a storm sunk the invasion fleet."
"Same happened both times caesar went to Britain."
Even Kings Draw Phalluses, Apparently
"King Karl XIII of Sweden doodled penises all over his private diaries in 1785, when he was 37 years old."
"Clearly he was the inspiration for Superbad."
Christmas Spirit
"The Christmas Truce of WW1."
"It honestly sounds to good to be true, so I'm glad that it was real. It just goes to show you that deep down none of them were the 'bad guys' in the war, no matter what flag or country they fought for. They were all just soldier's that had to follow orders from their COs. It really sucks that it only lasted once & has become banned ever since."
Prime Ministers Don't Just Disappear, Do They?
"An Australian Prime Minister went missing while swimming at a beach."
"In his honour the US named a warship after him while in Australia his local electorate named a swim centre after him."
"There's a few Harold Holt memorial swimming pools around. I laugh every time I see one."
Operation Acoustic Kitty
Game Forum GIFGiphy"Operation Acoustic Kitty. A $20 million CIA project in the 1960s which implanted a microphone, radio transmitter, and wire into a cat, for the purpose of spying."
"The first mission involved releasing the cat near a Soviet compound in Washington to spy on two men. The cat was released and hit by a taxi almost immediately, and the project was discontinued."
"Sounds about right for a government project"
Wojtek
"There was a corporal in the Polish army during world war 2 who was a beer drinking, cigarette smoking bear."
"He didn't smoke he ate the damn lit cigarettes."
Who Needs An Enemy?
"Legend has it that the army of the Habsburg Empire lost about 10,000 people in the battle of Karánsebes in 1788 before the enemy (the Ottomans) even arrived. Basically they were drunk and thought the enemy had arrived and started fighting between themselves."
"The legend part is just the casualties. The event itself did actually happen, it's just debated whether it was anywhere close to 10,000 people lost or just a few hundreds killed and thousands injured."
But How Did They Open Them?
Hungry Lets Eat GIFGiphy"The can opener (1858) was patented 48 years after the tin can (1810)"
"Did they just squeeze em til the tops popped open before that?"
"Cans used to be thicker. They were opened using a chisel and hammer"
"Also cans were significantly less common than jarring"
"Australian troops during ww1 went into no-man's land and dug out/recovered an abandoned german tank that was stuck in mud, pretty much because they were bored and the tank was there."
"The A7V Mephisto. Went and visited it a few months ago."
"As of 2020 at least, President John Tyler's grandson was still alive. That's 10th President if the US, John Tyler, who was born in 1790."
"I haven't seen any stories about his grandson dying so I assume he's still alive. It would be an interesting enough story that it'd be one of the top stories for a day or two."
It's commonly said that studying history will sometimes make you upset or uncomfortable, but most folks probably don't expect it to make them incredulous. Sometimes, though, fact really is stranger than fiction.
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