People who work in forensics and conduct autopsies for a living inhabit a facet of life most of us would prefer to keep out of mind most days.
But someone has to do it.
Not surprisingly, those who've agreed to determine countless causes of death and piece together the details of so many people's final moments have some stories.
And a recent Reddit thread asked them to share those tales.
Redditor MimBim asked:
"Forensics and people involved with managing the deceased, what's the weirdest cause of death you have come across?"
Many shared the intriguing--and upsetting--freak accidents they've discovered. Life is a game of inches, people.
"A girl that went to my primary school went to warm her car up in the winter and after starting it slipped on some ice and knocked herself out."
"She landed adjacent to the tailpipe and expired due to carbon monoxide poisoning."
"Had a sad one where a guy tried to hang himself from the 3rd floor balcony. The rope broke and he fell and impaled himself on fence spikes."
"A lady walking her dog hours later thought he was a gruesome Halloween decoration until she noticed leakage from the poor guy."
"Security camera footage from across the street showed he was alive for a while before he bled out"
Tougher Times Back Then
"My great great grandmother died after being cut nearly in half by a lumber saw in the 1930s. She was wearing a scarf or something when she took her son (my great grandfather) some lunch and her scarf became caught on the saw and pulled her down."
"They turned off the saw quickly enough and she lived for a while afterwards ("a while" here meaning hours or days, I can't recall, but less than a week). My understanding is she walked to the car that drove her to the hospital, but there was obviously nothing they could do for her."
In a Flash
"I work in forensics from an engineering and product design aspect. A man was using a large handheld wet saw (imagine an oversized circular saw) to cut a 3' diameter concrete sewer pipe that was suspended using two sawhorses."
"When he finished the cut, the pipe fell and pinched the saw blade between the two pieces, causing the saw to flip around quickly and sever off his own head."
"I transcribed police reports and remember one call that was pretty terrible. A husband and wife were in a hot tub. It was a smaller one. The man must have gotten out and then when he tried to get back in he fell head first on top of her."
"His weight pushed her down so the water covered her nose and mouth. He must have been too heavy for her to lift up. A neighbor saw his feet sticking in the air and called police. They both drowned."
Two Very Different Stories
"Paramedic here. Had a few. Homeless guy climbs into a recycling clothes bin to retrieve warm jackets in the winter and it had one of those barrel type drawers. He got stuck by his head on the way out and was strangled. Weirdest thing was walking up to him across a supermarket carpark and he was just looking up at the sky but with a frost covered face."
"Also had somebody die in front of a warm electric fire and wasn't found for 2 days. The guy was cooked like a roast chicken."
Quite the Sequence
"Not a person who deals directly with the dead, but as a genealogist, I look at a LOT of death certificates, so I sometimes come across unusual and surprising causes of death. A rather well-known one is George Spencer Millet, who died in 1909. His headstone literally says:"
" 'Lost life by stab in falling on ink eraser, evading six young women trying to give him birthday kisses in office Metropolitan Life Building' "
"I've personally uncovered many more, but it's hard to top that one."
Things Where They Don't Belong
"The man who got very drunk, somehow managed to get his 4-wheeler onto his roof, and then proceeded to launch himself off. Darwin took over after that."
"The person who died while asleep after a small airplane crashed into their bedroom"
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"Not in forensics or anything to do with the deceased but, if you're looking for a weird death, I have an interesting one from my genealogy research. A third great uncle of mine was a "driver" for the New York & Harlem Railroad in the 1870s - a time when horses were used to pull cars on rails in Manhattan, much like trollies."
"His death certificate states that he was kicked in the abdomen by a horse attached to a freight car. He succumbed to peritonitis 3 weeks later because the kick ruptured an old inguinal hernia. A long, slow way to die."
Others chose to recount the strange deaths caused by intoxication.
"This guy was alive when he came in, though died later. He came into hospital with no legs below the knee and the top of his head missing."
"Turned out he was on his way home, drunk from the pub, and fell asleep on some train tracks whilst taking a short-cut. The train cut off his legs, then spun him around and cut off the top of his head."
"He died whilst in hospital but he lived for a bit, which is amazing. The paramedics brought his legs into hospital in a plastic bucket."
The Exact Wrong Position
"We had a family friend who was an alcoholic who blacked out and died of asphyxiation. Official cause of death was 'unconsciousness forced victim into a position incompatible with life'."
"When clarification was sought they said she passed out and fell into a position that prevented her from breathing. I did not know that was possible."
They Tried Their Best
"Not a forensic person, but a friend of mine went drinking at a bar. His got piss drunk and the bartender rightfully took his motorcycle keys away. He lived just a few blocks away."
"When the bar closed, he stumbled toward home, fell in a ditch and drown in the inch of water that was in that ditch from the rain that came down."
"Not in forensics, but in healthcare. Saw a guy that got so high he decided to go into the freezer and start eating a bunch of frozen raw chicken."
"Ended up dying choking on it."
Finally, a couple people shared stories of truly bizarre murder mysteries.
An Unruly Weapon
"A teaching case: Death by bull"
"A woman was found dead in a pasture, trampled by a bull. Well, if you underestimate cattle, that can happen. But she was the farmer's wife, so she knew the animal was aggressive, and everyone else in the village knew that too."
"The neighbors also said he was never kept in that pasture because you couldn't see all of it at once. Yep, the farmer murdered his wife with a bull as the weapon. Put him in the pasture without her knowing, then sent her out there for some errand."
A Morbid Trophy
"We had a guy that died from multiple stab wounds to the chest, which isn't all that weird, except the wounds were all oddly shaped. It turned out that the guy recently divorced his wife because she developed a massive meth addiction and had moved out because she was psychotic."
"But she found out where he lived, broke in and stabbed him to death in his sleep. The guy was an avid collector of weird, goofy fantasy knives, one of which was used in his murder. His ex-wife decided to keep the knife afterward and was arrested when the knife and his blood were found in her kitchen sink."
Here's hoping you all die old, of old age, sitting comfortably on the couch.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/
Babysitting is a common occurrence that has been around for just about forever. But if we unpack it, it's actually a pretty strange concept.
Think about it. A parent or parents entrusts the entire safety and well-being of their flesh and blood children into the hands of a teenager who, in many cases, just happens to be a family friend or a neighbor.
With all those variables in place, any strange or troublesome incident can immediately put the babysitter against the ropes. Then the panic sets in and all becomes chaos.
Sure, the parents are a phone call away, but the babysitter still has to get through the initial insanity of whatever the kids get into.
Curious about people's bad experiences, Redditor _OwOtaku_ asked:
"babysitters of reddit, what is the worst thing you've come across while babysitting?"
Many people shared the times a child's behavior was clearly the result of their parents. The babysitter couldn't exactly blame the kid, but it was uncomfortable nonetheless.
The Mother Load
"The toddler came out into the living room holding the mom's sex toy. I was beyond grossed out! When I went to put it away in their bedroom, they had a whole drawer full of stuff."
"As a 12 year old, it was a bit much to see."
Like Father, Like Son
"This kid was angry bc i wouldn't let him have more candy (his mothers orders) and started saying all these bad words and other things that are very inappropriate for a 6-7 year old."
"I asked him where hes heard those things and he responded saying his dad says those things to her mom when hes mad."
"A kid I was babysitting threatened to tell his parents I was inappropriate with him because I refused to tell him what 'supermaning' meant (this was in 2007, the peak of Soulja Boy)."
"Another one was when I had to confront the parents of a kid because he told me he hated Obama because he was black while we were at the playground. I, as well as a bunch of other people, were shocked at what he said. That was a fun conversation that ultimately lead to me quitting."
A Sudden Star
"Got caught in a drug raid while babysitting and local TV station was along to record it all for a show they aired."
"Kids showed cops where all the drugs were, got taken away, I was sent home & my parents had to contact the station to say, they did not have permission to show me in that episode, it never aired bc there were only minors involved. Never babysat again."
"The mind numbing tv designed for babies that somehow disturbingly holds their attention for hours. I'm not sure how healthy that is on a long term basis. I would sometimes babysit for this nanny (like take over for when she was busy), who took care of these 2 babies nearly everyday."
"And she said to leave the tv on, that was preset to a baby channel, for them because they love it. These babies just stared at the screen for hours except when I fed them and then put them down for a nap. I tried to play with them with toys and stuff and they weren't super interested, it might capture their attention briefly but then they'd always go back to the tv. These were 5 month old babies."
Others shared the truly bizarre and unexpected things that happened. These were cartoonishly bad times on the job.
Out of Sight Out of Mind
"A nine year old boy was at a play date and he crapped himself and thought no one would notice if he put the crap in the air conditioner vent. The mom of the house was not happy."
The Rodent Room
"A tiny room FULL of guinea pigs. Cages and cages on shelves on the walls. They all seemed well fed and content but there must have easily have been 30 cages at least!"
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Hard Line Negotiator
"The kid who tried to blackmail me by threatening to cut off all her hair and tell her parents that I did it if I did delay bedtime. Same kid also tried to push me into some exposed nails in their unfinished basement. I babysat her regularly because she drove all the other babysitters in the area away. Her siblings and parents were nice though."
Children of the Corn
"Not my story, but a friends. She would babysit these kids sometimes that were just pure evil. Not in a cute way. They thought it would be funny to sprinkle broken glass into her salad. She caught on to it and was legitimately afraid of these boys and never ever babysat for this family again"
"Looking through photos that where hung up on a wall. One was smaller than others, kinda grainy, I lean in to look at it closer and jump back in shock. It was the moment of birth shot from below, head crowning it's called I think. Even for my horny 12 year old self too much."
"In college, I was babysitting for a family. Absolutely lovely people. Their cat was having some health problems, but at the time, they were under control."
"Poor cat had a seizure when I was babysitting. It was rough, little body twitching, the kids were worried, I was worried. It didn't last long, and he seemed ok afterwards. Poor thing peed on the living room carpet during the seizure, so I found some carpet cleaner and cleaned it the best I could."
"Parents thanked me afterwards for helping out with the cat. They followed up with the vet, and put the cat on a new round of medication, which helped."
Never Got Around To It
"I was 14, babysitting 3 girls. Their dad told them to clean their toys from the backyard because people were coming in the afternoon to look at the house (it was for sale). When we were going outside, the dog escaped and came back with a huge rabbit, now dead, in the middle of the yard."
"Geez, and they're trying to sell the house! So I had to put it in a plastic bag while the 3 year old watched in horror. They didn't have a dumpster and I didn't want to take it into the house so I put it discreetly by the stoop, and told the parents."
"Babysat there again 3 days later and the bagged up dead rabbit WAS STILL THERE. Geez guys."
Other people talked about the times that revolved around food. Of course, babysitters are often tasked with cooking meals for the kids.
These times were a train wreck.
"A friend of mine was hired to be a nanny. She was flown from the midwest plains to a fifth avenue apartment. On the first night the parents went out and told her to feed the kids."
"She got them pizza and the kids loved it, having never had pepperoni before. The family was Jewish, she was fired and sent home the next day."
"First babysitting job at 13. Four kids. Parents gave me a whole fresh salmon to COOK and serve the kids. I learned that day that salmon has pin bones when I had to pull some out of the 3 yo's throat while simultaneously calling my parents down the road because I didn't know what to do, as he's coughing and gasping for air and the other kids are freaking tf out."
"He was fine but I think I lost 10 years off my life that day."
"I stuck my hand in the couch cushions to look for a remote and came up with an uncooked hot dog. 🤢"
If you find yourself surrounded by friends, relatives, or neighbors having kids, bare all of this in mind before agreeing to babysit.
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Many people found high school history class exceptionally boring. There was so much reading, the years-old scuffles and cultural trends seemed far away in time as well as geography.
Add a boring teaching into the mix--if you were so unlucky--and you can forget it. That whole class period was a snooze fest.
But you also probably remember the occasional bolt of lighting that woke everybody up. The teacher, with a weird grin and twinkly in their eye, was excited to share a truly bizarre occurrence from the period in question.
Finally, the class was interested. Something just petty, grotesque, or inexplicable enough had been mentioned, and history was fun, if only for a fleeting moment.
Some Redditors recently gathered to toss around those bizarre events.
inmyelement asked, "What historical event from way back is just plain bizarre to you?"
A good amount of people found themselves most attracted to the inexplicable. They focused on the stories of people, groups, and even animals that behaved in a way that doesn't quite add up in our head.
Some of those old events even triggered a sense of spookiness. But most just left people feeling entirely bewildered.
A True Soldier
"Wojtek the Bear."
"He was a bear taken in by the wojska lądowe (polish army in ww2) and he helped move ammunition. his favorite thing to drink was beer and he was taught to salute when greeted."
"edit: he also liked to smoke and eat cigarrettes. there is also a statue to him in kraków :)"
"One of the weirdest historical events was the dancing mania that happened in Europe between the 14th and 17th centuries. People suddenly started to dance and couldn't stop."
"It could be up to thousand people just dancing and not stopping. They danced until they got exhausted and just collapsed. No one is sure why this happened."
A Persistent Corpse
"Dimitri, the Tsar of Russia, was killed, mysteriously reappeared, killed, mysteriously reappeared, killed, then mysteriously reappeared, then killed, then reappeared, then killed before they finally decided that he was really dead and no one after that could possibly be Dimitri."
"I might be exaggerating a little, but only by one death and reappearance."
"The lost army of Cambyses. Around 524 BCE the Persian king Cambyses II sent an army of 50,000 men out into the African desert to subdue a rebellious outpost resisting the king's conquest of Egypt and surrounding areas."
"The army supposedly encountered a massive dust storm, which completely engulfed them and covered them with fatal dunes of sand. They were never heard from and never found."
"In modern times some archeologists have claimed to find remains but their claims are not universally accepted by their peers."
Other people gave their attention to singular historical figures.
After all, when we survey all the people who've lived over the past hundreds--even thousands--of years, we're bound to encounter some truly compelling biographies.
All About Personality
"Rasputin's whole life. The idea that this scraggly wizard/priest/maybe not even a real priest was able to influence the Russian royal family is just so wild to me" -- booboogriggs7467
"Kinda but also kind of completely normal for a celebrity to be attracted to nonsense. I.E. Carl Lentz, Gwyneth Partlow, Scientology." -- Upstairs_Past
"What is wild to me that for a smelly, unattractive, weirdo had so much game. He was sleeping around all over St Petersburg. NGL He is in the top 5 of my historic figures I would hook up with." -- lisasimpsonfan
Gluttony All Around
"A Swedish king killed himself by eating to much pudding..."
"...and a French noble had to be removed from his own court because he couldn't stop master baiting for more then a half hour"
When You Just Can't Let Go
"The Cadaver Synod in 897, when Pope Stephen VI put on trial the corpse of his predecessor, Pope Formosus, who by then had been dead for about 7 months."
"The body of Formosus was found guilty of perjury - it was declared he had never truly been Pope so all his acts could be annulled instantly."
"Though that didn't help Pope Stephen much as the bizarre event helped spark a popular uprising that deposed him. He was eventually strangled in his prison cell."
A Historic Boss
"Michelangelo, the man's whole life was him being a bada**. He was literally like an Italian cowboy with the profound ability to create mesmerizing sculptures." -- nNoodl
"So that's where Spaghetti Westerns originate." -- HotelMemory
An Incredible PR Turnaround
"A man named Diego Maradona scored a goal using his hand, even though that's an illegal move on Football, it was counted, and his reputation around the world escalated immensely after that move which would be called 'The Hand Of God' "
"I mean rest in peace Diego but c'mon that was illegal"
When Scientology is Only Half the Story
"L Ron Hubbard, the creator of Scientology, was big into black magic and used to hang out with Aleister Crowley and his whole crew."
"He had a weird battle of egos with Jack Parsons, a rocket scientist, and they all performed the Moonchild ritual to summon the antichrist. And the details of the ritual came to pass."
"After performing the ritual a 'scarlette woman' was supposed to appear and give birth to the antichrist. The next day a random red-headed woman showed up at their place insisting she be involved in their magical/sexual escapades."
"Coincidence or not that she was there, they knocked her up thus fulfilling the requirements of the ritual."
"Then Hubbard, Parsons and his wife banded together to flip yachts for a profit. Hubbard stole the investment money and Parsons wife and disappeared to start Scientology later on."
"The Bal des Ardents,' or 'The Ball of the Burning Men/Man.' "
"Charles VI of France (1368-1422) and some of his friends crashed the 3rd wedding of his wife's lady in waiting by wearing suits made of tar-soaked linen and strands of dried hemp."
"Unfortunately, Charles's own brother, drunk as ever, brought a torch into the ceremony, which had been forbidden. One of the men went up in flames before it spread to almost every single one of them, apart from Charles."
"Charles, seeing his friends go up in flames, hid underneath his 15 yr old aunt (Joan II, Countess of Auvergne)'s dress. 4 of the other 5 dancers died, save one who managed to jump into a barrel of wine in time to save himself from being too badly burned."
"The presidency of Chester A. Arthur. This was a man neck deep in the political corruption machine back in the day. Every step of his career was built on the spoils system of the time, including how he became vice president."
"He enjoyed it too, building fabulous wealth during his time at the New York Custom House and giving favors to his associates as Vice President."
"You would think that this man would only continue this as President, but NO!"
"In his very first address to Congress, he specifically requested civil service reform. He wanted to dismantle the very machine that got him his wealth and power."
He was perfectly happy doing favors as a VP and being the recipient of other favors, but the second he became the big man he wanted to change the whole system for the better."
"In a little under two years after Garfield's assassination, Arthur signed the reform bill that mandates government positions are awarded based on merit."
And finally, with so many wars occurring throughout time, there are plenty of military events to choose from.
With so much at stake, when coincidences or strange circumstances struck in these situations, one can't help but wonder how different things could have been if just one or two variables were different.
All About the Angles
"Not really bizarre but more amazing was the Siege of Vicksburg by Grant during the civil war. The fortifications on the Mississippi River were damn impressive..."
"...but they didn't take into account that if you got close to the river's edge, the guns angle couldn't reach that far down, so by hugging the edge of the river closest to Vicksburg, grant essentially had a free shot at the city and allowed him to take out the last heavily fortified city on the Mississippi."
"The siege lasted like a month"
"The Archduke Ferdinand was assassinated almost by accident. His killer had missed him earlier."
"Then, when the Archdukes car made a wrong turn, the assassin was sitting in a cafe when he happened to come down the street. Unfortunate history unfolded."
Plenty of Choices
"The fact that there are multiple incidents answering to the name 'Defenestration of Prague.' " -- KamilDonhafta
"The Prague Yeet!" -- OldElPasoSnowplow
"Other countries: Angry debates, violent fights, etc."
"Bohemia: Y E E T" -- ButterLander2222
"It's not a single event, but it's amazing to me how much trouble people used to have crossing the English Channel."
"Starting with William the Conqueror and effectively ending with John, English kings held lands in both England and France."
"But even for royalty, it was difficult and risky to cross the Channel. And when they did cross, they were never quite sure where on the coast they'd land."
Bizarre, No Wait. Totally Believable.
"I thought that the Petty Coat Wars were bizarre when I learned about them in high school..."
"...but now I know that some politicians are just children with a lot of power, so of course a president fired most of his cabinet because their wives wouldn't sit with someone else's wife."
Undoubtedly, there are bizarre historical events happening as we speak in some part of the world. You don't even have to look far, just hopen the paper.
Who knows which of the strange events of modern times will make the kids of the future perk up in their chairs.
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It's so helpful to have an interesting personal fact in your arsenal.
That little tidbit of information might save a lull at a party, come in handy during a job interview, or keep things flowing during a date.
And some interesting facts are made even more interesting by how unbelievable they are. Sure, it often gets annoying to provide a backstory or context every time you share, but at the very least it's a great conversation starter.
Some Redditors shared the personal facts that nobody ever seems to believe.
MrAntiquity47 asked, "What is a fact about yourself that nobody ever believes?"
Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Multiple Times
"I've been on fire, twice. As a child. I f***ing hate fireworks" -- IDontHave20Letters
"Let me guess, you didn't light it." -- Ganondorf66
"And fireworks seem to hate you" -- yournanna
A Lot Going On Here
"White guy, born in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, and spent most of my childhood in Kingston, Jamaica."
"People didn't believe me in high school, but these days this fact mostly elicits raised eyebrows and a 'oh really'?!"
Almost Sounds Impressive
"Banned from China for life"
"My father is a listed as a political refugee and apparently because of that our family is blacklisted from ever entering."
"I tried to go when I was younger and was turned away at the border. I ended up seeing Bhutan and Nepal instead."
Grade School Must've Been Tough
"My first name is very unique. People always ask where it's from and if it's foreign."
"I have to explain that no, my dads just dyslexic and misread my name in the baby book so changed the spelling to suit his pronunciation."
"No one ever believes me."
A Unique Entry Point
"I got vaccinated as a baby, like any normal person. BUT the nurse who did it thought it would be a good idea to not put the syringe in my arm, but in my forehead."
"I have a scar on my forehead because of that. People never believe it, but my mom has a picture of me with the syringe in my forehead."
If It Works, It Works
"I wake up at the stroke of 3am seven days a week with no alarm."
"What people have a hard time believing is that I enjoy it greatly."
"I've worked early shift six days a week for about a decade now. I used to sleep in on Sunday, then I couldn't fall asleep on time Sunday night and I'd be sleep deprived and feel like sh** on Monday."
"I resolved to keeping the same hours every day, and within a week I didn't need an alarm anymore."
"Before the pandemic, 24h businesses afforded me great convenience, and a socially distant laundromat and shopping experience."
"On my day off, I was a 4am regular at the deserted laundromat, hit the grocery store around 5:15, and would have all my sh!t done by sunrise."
"Both of my parents have a twin sister named Jenny" -- ParwasHately
"Is... Is it the same twin sister?" -- Gosenco
"I'm a twin, and married to a twin" -- Sd022pe
Basically Tom Cruise
"I had sex with a girl who had sex with a guy who had sex with a girl who had sex with Tom Cruises former publicist." -- Bucket_O_Beef
"Sex Telephone" -- Yoylecake2100
A Good Excuse for Lazy Sundays
"I'm allergic to sunlight, like, actually, not in a 'haha i like to play video games' way - it doesn't matter how I say it, it's always understood the other way" -- Signal-Presence8867
"THE SUN IS A DEADLY LAZER" -- MichaelOchE
"There's a girl I went to high school with who's allergic to sunlight. That, combined with her fashion sense (very goth) and the field she went into (mortician/funeral director), makes her seem a lot like a vampire." -- probprocrastinating1
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People treat their homes as their sanctuaries - so having a job that takes you into peoples homes gives you a glimpse into things that the rest of the world may not get to see.
Sometimes you kind of wish you didn't either.
One Reddit user asked:
We expected stories about adult toys or humiliating family portraits or something - Reddit gave so much more. Proceed with some caution - it's not all fun and games .
There are talks of animals and children in unhealthy conditions, mental health struggles, and some "interesting" anatomical wall art.
I'll Never Forget Him
Realtor here. I was showing a house that was supposed to be empty. I knocked and rang the bell to make sure.
Once inside I walked into a bedroom and found the current tenant butt naked absolutely slamming on an electronic drum kit in what was a mostly sound proof room.
He never noticed I was there, but I'll never forget him.
Counter Hot DogsHot Dog Girl GIFGiphy
Back in my teenage babysitting days, I regularly watched three kids whose parents kept one of those ENORMOUS packages of hot dogs out on the kitchen counter.
Everyone in that household would just wander by and grab a room-temperature hot dog as a snack whenever they felt like. I babysat for them 2-3 times per week for over a year and never not saw those hot dogs. I wonder about them all the time.
Seriously though, just the idea of this made me nauseous. Fleshy, slimy, overly salty, cold yet somehow suspiciously warm hot dogs... probably the worst combination of things for a food to be. How did the kids never get food poisoning?
A Hallway Toilet
Former babysitter, one house had a toilet in the hallway.
Not a bathroom - just a toilet literally in the middle of a carpeted hallway (against a wall) that totally worked. It was parallel to the wall not perpendicular- there was zero cover around it and it faced the stairway. So if you used it, and somebody came up the stairs, you were going to be making eye contact.
I never understood it. It looked like someone just set a toilet down for a minute.
There was a full bathroom 6' away connected to the hallway.
This was a small 2 story house with a family of 4. The hallway was narrow and if the toilet was perpendicular to the wall I'm not sure you could have walked by down the hallway without bashing your shins on it...unless you turned sideways.
It did work, it was clean, but probably wasn't used by the family since it was covered in child locks after the toddler discovered flushing things.
The Wall Plaque
I noticed a plaque the size of a large clock above someones' mantle. These people were middle aged white folks in the the middle of suburbia.
The plaque had names where numbers would be and a small trinket below the name.
I wished I would have never asked about it, because it turns out it was the preserved circumcision skin from all the men in their family. There is literally no appropriate response here... I literally just left the room and acted like I never heard anything.
She Never Mentioned The Naked Man
Installed sod at this lady's newly built home. She was in her mid 60s maybe. Anyway, she didn't know where the valve to the exterior tap was in the basement and asked if I could go down and turn it on for her. No problem. I go down the stairs to the unfinished basement and it's pitch dark. I find a light switch and then suddenly there is a 400 pound man naked and asleep on a mattress three feet away from me.
She never mentioned this before I went downstairs...
A few years ago I was a social worker at a Child Placing Agency. In my state CPS can place children in kinship homes (relative, family friend, a person the child is familiar with) with little to no vetting- just some paperwork and a quick home walkthrough.
This woman was a distant aunt of four kids, making her a kinship home for them. Most kinship homes try to get licensed with a Child Placing Agency after the kids are placed because it will provide them more financial and therapeutic support for their kids. This is what brought me to her home.
She had a jaccuzzi in the center of her carpeted bedroom that she and the four (foster) children bathed in. There was no shower head or curtain. They also all shared a toilet in her bedroom that had no walls/ door around it. Absolutely no privacy.
All of the kids slept in the living room while she slept in the master bedroom.
During my home inspection I found three doors that had been completely plastered over and couldn't be accessed- she informed me that one was a full bathroom and the other two were bedrooms. None were accessible but she insisted that she used them to "store her tools."
I was so creeped the hell out.. there was no possible way for her to get to her "tools" from those rooms. The kids could have had bedrooms and there was no need for anyone to be bathing or using the toilet in front of anyone else.
One of them was a 12 year old girl.. imagine getting your first period in that home. ☹️.
I did everything i could to help the kids move.
I obviously did not license her home and I detailed all of my concerns about the children's living situation via phone and written report to CPS. I, of course, told them I did not think this woman should be caring for children.
One upsetting thing is that once her application was denied and I explained that I didn't believe the kids should be there or ever have been there I was basically removed from the picture. I did not technically work for CPS, so I couldn't tell you what happened after.
I think about it a lot and hope that the children are in a loving and caring home.
Karma And Bugs
I was working in this one hospital where this mother/daughter pair always came in with their two little chihuahuas. The women were always rude and obnoxious no matter how we bent over backwards.
Anyway. They'd been coming in repeatedly complaining their dogs had fleas and no treatments we'd sold them were working and the dogs still "had bugs."
So this one day they come in and demand to see their usual vet, who goes out and is greeted with a bag of "fleas" and shouting about how they were right/we were wrong cause look, they were still battling fleas despite treatment!
If you've ever had, seen, or known anything about fleas, good f*cking luck catching a bunch of them to put into a ziploc bag alive. They were definitely not fleas - but he didn't know what the hell they were, so he brought them into the back and asked if anyone had any ideas.
I'd just seen an episode of Monsters Inside Me about bed bugs. I said they were bed bugs and I was right (later confirmed it with a friend of mine who was a state entomologist who specialized in them!).
Apparently these always-obnoxious women had recently gotten a used couch for their basement from somewhere.
Those Poor Ratsanimal s cuteness GIFGiphy
I volunteer for a breed-specific dog rescue and do home visits/inspections for people who want to adopt dogs. It's usually mostly a formality to make sure the potential adopters know the quirks of this breed and are well prepared to live with them and allow them a chance to ask me questions about living with this breed.
One home visit though.... it was in a rough part of town. A woman and her 17-year-old child living in an elderly and incapacitated man's home. They helped care for him in exchange for a place to live. The home was just generally not in great shape, cluttered, not super clean.
The woman and her daughter lived upstairs, which was 3 small bedrooms, all with the doors shut. They open room 1... it was being used to house foster kittens.
The 2nd room was the girl's bedroom, but they opened the door and it was just crammed with junk. You couldn't even get into the room. So the mom and daughter shared a bedroom.
They open the door to this 3rd room. The smell of ammonia instantly hits me. My eyes are burning. I feel like I can't breathe. There was a mattress on the floor that took up most of the room. Lining the walls were 20 gallon aquarium tanks, all filled with rats.
Dozens and dozens of pet rats in each one. No bedding or toys for the rats, just bare glass, food and water. The glass sides were covered in pee from the rats trying to climb out with their pee soaked paws.
The woman mentioned she had cleaned these aquariums the day before. I felt so so bad for those poor little rats. The way she spoke about them, I could tell she loved them very much. She just clearly couldn't care for them the way she should have.
I only stayed in the room for a couple of minutes before wrapping up the visit. I had a pounding headache from the overwhelming smell. I have no idea how they actually slept in that room. That was the only home I ever visited that I didn't recommend as an adopter.
Wild And Elderly
Was tasked with removing a rattlesnake from an elderly ladies home. What was found was her sex toy lodged between furniture and the wall while on/vibrating.
Poor thing thought it was a snakes rattle lol.
Turned it off (with gloves) and told her the snake had been removed! Makes me laugh, she was a sweet lady.
That Skin Smell
I used to do home health and just go in and help people with everyday things they couldn't do because of their condition.
Had this really sweet older lady with a bad case of psoriasis. Her floors had a layer of dead skin covering nearly every square inch of the apartment. It was even in her dogs water bowl.
I did my best to keep it clean, and visited twice a week. Each time it was just as bad. I can still smell it if I think about it.
Goat Head Stew
Used to live in south Florida and worked an apartment complex.
One day we cleaned out this apartment after tenants moved out, wasn't too bad as it was mostly clean, but the shocking part was finding a severed goat's head in the fridge (on a platter not just stuffed in there), it was skinned and everything. Startled the f*ck out of me and wasn't sure what to do.
Supervisor said it was no big deal, It's common among Haitian/Jamaican/Island populations to use the whole head for a stew.
My partner is Jamaican, as is his family who lives in south Florida. This is a common dish that's made, literally called goat head soup. Just asked them to confirm and the response was "yeah, it's good as hell" haha.
Goat cheek is some of the best meat I've ever had. Bought a head off some Persian guys I knew from the jewelry stand at the mall. Made an epic stew. Scared the sh!t out of my roommate's gf when she got home lmao.
They Come At Night
I worked for 18 years as a cable/phone service tech in a big city. I've seen a lot. A few stick out, but the one that always made me sad was an apartment of someone with extreme schizophrenia living in government housing.
This disease tends to make people think that they are being monitored, so often in a bout of extreme mania, someone with it will tear out all of the phone and cable wiring in their place and then later realize that they need it and call for a service call.
I had to go back to this woman's place a few times for this. She had written on every square inch of her apartment walls - sentence fragments, different thoughts and things that seemed to be written in different voices.
She had cut a 1x1ft hole in her wall around her phone jack and ripped all the wires out. I patched up what I could and assured her we wouldn't bill her.
She also cornered me at one point to tell me that it wasn't her writing on the walls and that people come at night and do it.