Or turn the relationship into a "Dateline NBC" episode.
I have really heard it all when discussing the reasons for straying outside of a relationship. The fact that some people try to sell their madness with a straight face is commendable. But why do it? If you're not happy... leave.
Redditor u/OneAttention2623 wanted to hear about all the best excuses we've been fed from partners about being a lowdown, dirty, scandalous cheat, by asking:
What is The Dumbest Excuse An Ex Has Given You For Cheating?
It just happened. That one is a favorite. Like it was magic or destiny.
Huh?
Super Bowl Ok GIF by PepsiGiphy"My ex-husband said these exact words to me. "It wasn't anything to do with you. You were never supposed to know." Freaking f**ker!"
"just a friend"
"I didn't wanna break your heart by dumping you. And you thought cheating would be LESS hurtful???? Forget you, Jess. I only found out because her secret boyfriend unexpectedly showed up at our house one night. She went ghost-pale, swore up-and-down that he was "just a friend" and then HE told me then had been doing/dating for several weeks. Who knows how many OTHER guys she was with behind my back over the 10 years we were together."
Angel of Mercy...
"I thought he had cancer."
"Mr. Jenkins, I'm sorry, but it's cancer. It's in your liver now, but we can assume it will metastasize and move throughout your body. There aren't many treatment options that are available to us that stand much of a chance of working."
"Unless... and this is quite unorthodox... but preliminary studies show that freaking u/dreaminggod05*'s significant other may increase your chances of remission by nearly 69%. After all,* u/dreaminggod05 shows no signs of cancer at all, and we have to assume that benefit must be transmitted sexually. The contact info is available on nearly any restroom wall, but I'll write it down for you before you leave."
2 Psychopaths
"I don't owe you an explanation." She cheated on me with my own damned older brother. That was my first serious relationship, y'all. He and I had already been estranged for a few years. It's what happens when you lie to the cops about your mother beating you with an electrical cord and then pull a buck knife on your little brother and tell him you'll assault him with it if he ever talks to you again"
- MC_Crit
LOLOLOLOL
Season 2 Lol GIF by FriendsGiphy"My friend's girlfriend told him that she "forgot she wasn't single anymore" lmfao."
I don't know where to begin. This mess is even beyond Oprah, Brené Brown, Iyanla and Dr. Phil. Just stay single.
You Failed
fail black and white GIFGiphy"He said that it was my fault that he cheated because I raised his confidence so much and he figured if he could get me he could get other girls and he decided to test that theory. A lot."
Eyes Closed
"I was sleep walking."
"There was an episode of "House" where a woman was wondering why her ex who lived in the same complex thinks she wanted him back. When House tells her she's pregnant it turns out she was going to his apartment and was having sex with him in her sleep. I don't remember how it ended because it was just the side plot that led him to figure out the main story."
it's probably not yours…
"When I found out she cheated on me and I asked why, she said "I thought you were going to say we should take a break." When I asked her if the kid was mine or his, she said "it's probably not yours… it could be his or his room mates', to be honest." And that's the magical combination from a fiancé that will send you into depression."
- k0uch
The Most Unexplained Events In History | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
History is littered with unsolved mysteries. Whether those answers are buried somewhere or lost forever, it doesn't stop people from wondering or hypothesizi...You'll love her!
"Hey so I've been meaning to bring this up but I'm actually interested in a poly relationship even though we've been together for years and I've never once mentioned it. You'll love her!" Meanwhile he tried to cut me off from all my male friends. I know quite a few poly people, and see how it works for them, which just added to the bull factor."
Fly Away
thevoiceau stank GIF by The Voice AustraliaGiphy"I only had one man cheated on me in my life and that's my ex-husband. And he basically frame it as, "My butterflies for you has flown to her." What more other explanation do I need right? Makes sense..."
Like a Virgin
"I was not a virgin previous to the relationship, so it was not fair that she had not had sex with someone else."
- ehren123
"My ex bf broke up with me for the same reason when previously we were making plans for the future. And when he found out that other women's vaginas aren't more magical than mine he tried to come back to me lol. But at least he did break up instead of cheat."
Be Natural
"Humans are not naturally monogamous. It doesn't make sense for us to be monogamous, so you really can't blame me for acting naturally."
- moonchz
"I had one similar to this, who told me that the expectation that women not cheat was part of the patriarchy and by expecting her not to, I was being abusive and controlling."
It hurt but I forgave her.
"I found out she cheated on me with a coworker, but admitted it immediately and asked me to forgive her (just got married 3 months before this after 7 years together). It hurt but I forgave her. The next weekend she did it again because "clearly I don't care about her since I didn't get that mad." I wasn't as forgiving the second time, broke some sh*t in our house just to prove how pissed I was, then we split. My life is so much better now."
Daughters
"I had postpartum depression after my third daughter. My daughters were four, three and one when he slept with my neighbor. He said I emotionally pushed him away 🤔."
"Maybe you did. It would be normal and understandable of you had; three small children and depression would make it very difficult to cater to your husband's needs. So, a decent, unselfish and loving husband would understand the stress and difficulty you're experiencing, and would step up to take care of you and the kids while you recuperate, and would make an effort to maintain the emotional connection between the two of you. What an utter failure at being a husband."
Mud
"He didn't "cherish" me. He knew he promised to in his vows but he didn't do it. We divorced in 2012 after 30 years together and he passed a year ago. I'm bittersweet about the whole thing. That man made a mud hole out of my heart by the time I was done."
"best interests"
"You're too emotional and she was giving me advice about you." And "Well I'm much happier now." it's been a year and I'm still seriously f*cked up about it."
"I just posted about mine who said some similar bullsh*t about how she was giving him advice about me. He actually tried to tell me that she had my "best interests" at heart and was doing me a "favor." Yeah, sure."
"This witch I've never met (but who knew I existed and was with my partner) was really looking out for me by jumping on my partner's penis and then sexting him constantly afterward. It's been over a year for me and I'm still messed up about it too. I'm really sorry. Nobody deserves to be betrayed like that, or gaslighted afterward with such absurd, blame-shifting excuses."
I'm Alone
Nbc Idk GIF by Good GirlsGiphy"My Cousin's ex wife cheated on him with her personal trainer and told my cousin it was his fault because he didn't go to the gym with her."
Comfort
"Oooh... I've got a good story about this. I thought something shady was going on with an ex and her work colleague. I asked her about it and she denied it. Then I got confirmation from another friend who also worked with her. He said she was with this dude on the side."
"So I confront her again and asked why she lied when I asked her about this colleague before and also asked why she was cheating. She said whatever she was doing was between her and work colleague, and so it was none of my business. That's why she didn't have to tell me."
Make a Wish
fire birthday GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"It's my birthday too. During the summer after high school (UK) so was 16, got with a gal who had the same birthday as me unknowingly which was quite funny tbh. Fast forward to her birthday party her family threw for her and invited a bunch of friends, I'll never forget walking up the stairs to see them making out. Was the worst birthday I'd ever had."
- Jazs1994
No Chairs
"Not my story but a couple I was friends with in college. Girlfriend was cheating on her boyfriend for months with a classmate, apparently it started because she had him at her apartment and she had to sit on his lap while they did their work "because of lack of chairs."
I give people points for comedy and ingenuity but come on. I hope in these divorces the scorned took the cheater for EVERYTHING! I would.
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Every morning I wake up and I decide that I will do my best to trust in people on the regular. But often by lunch I surrender. We have to keep trying though. Let's see who can empathize...
Blame
It Is What It Is Dont Care GIF by AwesomenessTVGiphy"Parents never really believed me about anything even when I had an alibi. The worse part is them telling me I will not get in trouble if I tell them the truth which I was. My ex cheating on me and blaming me for it."
- SnooDoughnuts231
Drop Her
"My wife has been screwing another guy for several weeks. We have been married for 6 months. She didn't even tell me on her own, I had to initiate the conversation first. She didn't even end the cheating completely because she is "unsure about her feelings." We also have a three year old son. The conversation was last week. Guys, this is the crap that completely destroys you emotionally. I've never been so hopeless."
- No_Bumblebee7558
Human Relations
"I've been betrayed, cheated on, stolen from, used and abused, and a lot of other stuff but I still give people a measure of trust. I don't trust people with my life but I do trust them to a degree. It mostly backfires but not all the time. I can't imagine completely isolating myself because of the crappy variety of humans."
"I see human relations as a sifting process so it absolutely hurts when trusting someone backfires but I am at a place where I know what category to put them. Conversely, it's absolutely magical to find a person or two who are just so consistent and human but as good to you as can be expected."
"It makes up for all the trashy humans you had to process through your filtering system. Don't give up on finding a handful of people who will be sincerely good to you over the course of your lifetime. They do exist and you can be one to them as well. I hate it when the trash takes your hope over and above everything else it's don't and taken from you."
- NamasteVibes
Gaslighter
"My ex-husband made me think I was crazy and couldn't trust my own judgement, it took a long time to come back from that and I still have moments in my current relationship where I ask myself if I could be wrong.. if I should prepare for things to go wrong even if there's no indication of a problem. That's hard to get over."
- Deezus1229
From Behind
Latina Tell GIF by Jenny LorenzoGiphy"Enough people talking behind your back, making fun of you, and then turning around and pretending they have a heart of gold will do that."
- how-sad-for-you
Gaslighters, gossips, abusers and liars. Life really is a "Dynasty" episode on steroids. So many villains, so little time. We just all have to learn to survive.
Broken
Sad Talk To Me GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy"Too much broken trust and heartbreak when it comes to relationships, people taking me for granted, emotional abuse, gaslighting, & partners cheating on me."
- Ghoulthrower676
The Twin
"As a kid 90% of my friends were nice to me, but really hated me. Only reason I knew was because my twin sister told me they went to her to complain about me. I learned from them to see when someone was holding back from me. Turns out my whole family has similar signs. They still hide stuff from me, but they fill me in on their thoughts after the fact now. Still, it did a number on me. Still don't know why those kids disliked me so much."
- ugg_monster
I Got Me
"Being a child who was constantly shown that the people in positions of power over them, that were supposed to trust and care for them, would actually always choose to use that power to abuse, manipulate, and control. You then grow up feeling like you can only rely on you and anyone who seems trustworthy is actually dangerous. And that's on therapy lmao."
- ruffianpenguin
The Dork
"In high school, found out from someone leaving their Facebook open that my friends just felt obligated to hang out with me and wished they didn't have to. I was a giant dork who probably embarrassed them, so it's understandable to some extent, still wish they had gone about it a different way, or I had found out a different way. It's still hard to keep thoughts of "my friends secretly hate me" away sometimes."
- cummb
A Mess
"Trust issues with parents verbal abusive by them I may have bipolar not sure which kind but it will mess with me occasionally and I hate my life been treated like crap."
- Guilty_gun
A-Ha
GIF by IdentityGiphy"Like I'd tell a stranger on the internet. Fool me once..."
- jeremyroastscoffee
Psycho
"My ex tied me to a chair and said we were going to have some fun. She then has her ex come into the room, made me watch her have sex with him. That and a few months later, she broke my hand with a hammer. I am perfectly fine now, really. It all happened 25 years ago. Thank you all for the kindness just the same."
kilo_1_1
Cheater
"Dated this girl I always caught red handed cheating and she would flat out deny it ever happened days later. That crap messed me up. Funny part was down the line when she would say things like, 'The problem is you don't trust me, that's why we always fighting.' Never trusted a girl ever again."
"Ohhh it gets better... afterwards she lied to me that she was going into another country for a job and lied she was going to live with her mom's sister whilst she was going to live there with her friend and then she got pregnant by a married man and now she is a single mom struggling to make ends meet."
decapitare95
The Cost
"I don't know if it's trust issues, per se, but I am very hard-nosed about not taking crap from anybody. I had a physically abusive first husband and an emotionally abusive second husband and I simply will not lay down and take any kind of abuse from anyone any more. This has cost me a friendship or two but frankly, if that is how they are going to be, they aren't my friends after all."
eatyourdamndinner
"safe one"
Group Hug GIF by NBCGiphy"Foster care Lmao."
crispypotleaf
"This breaks my heart. My girlfriend and I want to be foster parents and be the house that the kids always remember as the 'safe one,' where they're welcomed back at any time."
MidKnightDreary
The Leftover
"I was the odd one out through elementary and most of middle school. Then when I finally made some friends, my best friend abandoned me out of the blue and one of my other close friends turned out to be a liar and enjoyed toying with my emotions."
Ostmitch
“best friends”
"Every woman I’ve ever been close to has hurt me badly. My mom destroyed my self esteem, my aunts and grandma on her side of the family weren’t any better, and I had a series of toxic 'best friends' that treated me like shit one way or another. Now I’m terrified to form a close friendship with a woman and will run screaming when one tries."
HighAsAngelTits
let me drown...
"Only person I've ever dated was mentally and physically abusive, she also tried to drown me. Everyone I start to slightly trust goes away, I just show a slight bit of my mind, and they go away. So, I don't trust anyone, it's probably better for them, people probably don't want to know how dark my mind can get, and I don't have to take a chance of getting f**ked over."
BananaKbone
Don't Watch
Triple H Reaction GIF by WWEGiphy"I automatically assume the worst in everyone because of the messed up things I’ve seen on the internet."
shadowssx
Erasure
"Slowly having my trust erased throughout my life by friends, family members, colleagues. I absolutely don’t trust anybody. And it hurts, because I love my husband dearly but sometimes it feels like he takes advantage of my good nature. He absolutely doesn’t, it’s just my past problems projecting onto our relationship. I’m also paranoid AF due to mental health problems."
Retrosonic82
People suck. Hard, cold facts. So what do we do? Therapy. Therapy. THERAPY! And meds, with the occasional vodka/soda. Half the reason life is so arduous is the distrust brought about by others.
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I can't tell you how many times in school I tried to devise cover ups to cover up cover ups. More often than not the planning and execution was a mess but the the stories themselves got so convoluted you'd think I was living in a film parody of The Matrix. Note to self... never steal you mother's jewelry and then try to pass it off as her new birthday present. SMH. I have no explanation or defense.
Never Gone
Erase Parks And Recreation GIF by PeacockTVGiphyEx-UC Davis chancellor Linda Katehi paid $175k to have the 2011 pepper spray incident removed from Google search results for the university, which brought the incident back into the public eye and was one of the scandals that eventually led to her resignation.
In the USSR
The soviet union trying to say that Chernobyl wasn't as big a deal as it actually was.
One of my grandparent's neighbors in Poland was a Belorussian guy from one of the closest towns to Chernobyl in Belarus. The Plant is basically on the Ukraine/Belarus border, and a huge amount of fallout happened in Belarus. No one was informed until everyone else was, even though they got almost as much fallout as Prypiat.
The way he describes it, they were across the border, so they didn't want to share. Even when they did, the Belarusian gov maintained the thought process that it wasn't a big deal, like the USSR was claiming. No one was to be relocated. He was a teenager at the time and left for Minsk as soon as he could because of how pissed off the whole thing made him.
His whole family stayed except for him, farming away while he was in the city and then moved to Poland after he met his Polish wife.
Unsurprisingly, a lot of his family died of cancer.
Dark Waters
The water crisis in Flint.
Dr. Mona Hanna-Attisha had been in touch with the Genesee Department of Health for months about Elevated Lead Levels (ELLs), and they went out of their way to obfuscate the data and make it seem like everything was normal. Dr. Hanna-Attisha brings in a research team from Virginia which shows that the ELLs are correlated with zip codes that recently switched water supplies.
They still ignore/deny what's happening. Finally, Dr. Hanna-Attisha says "f**k it", and holds a press conference telling people that their water is unsafe and to stop using it immediately.
A major public health crisis could have been mitigated if the public health officials spent more time doing their job and less time worrying about whether or not it pisses the governor off.
The Papers
richard nixon president GIFGiphyIn 1973 the director of the CIA Richard Helms was worried that the watergate congressional investigations would spill over into investigations into the CIA so he ordered the destruction of all documents related to the MKUltra program.
20,000 documents were incorrectly stored with financial records and were not destroyed. They were later uncovered during an FOIA request and turned over to Congress.
Dodgers
Volkswagen and the emission dodging.
What was surreal was seeing thousands of them sitting in the parking lot of the Silverdome, the old Detroit Lion's stadium. I live just south of there and to see VWs mistake next to the derelict stadium was a trip. https://youtu.be/jJeYEnSD9G0.
Nevermind cover ups, those are some high crimes and misdemeanors. And so many plagued by tragic loss. Just so everyone knows... the Flint water is still poison. Let's continue...
The Graves
Katyn Massacre or Chernobyl.
Katyn Massacre: Red Army troops during WWII killed and buried 22,000 Polish officers. The German Army found this mass grave and asked the local SS Commander if it was his graves. The SS Commander said it wasn't his graves. The Red Army though insisted it was the Nazis that did it. Boris Yeltsin later admitted to grave in 1992.
Chernobyl: Basically, Chernobyl powerplant's reactor in the Ukraine in 1986 exploded and almost contaminated the whole of Europe. The USSR tried to cover it up, but Sweden detected the radiation from the fallout. Pripyat became a ghost town and the city of Chernobyl (the city the powerplant was powering) became semi deserted.
Lips Together and Blow...
Basically any case involving a dead about-to-be whistle blower. Killing someone is a good way to shut a person up. Its also a very good way of drawing attention to the person and what they had to say. The best way to cover something up is discredit the whistle blower.
Babs
fanning barbra streisand GIFGiphyI guess the Streisand effect?
For those who don't know, someone took a photo of Barbara Streisand's Malibu home and posted it online.
The photo didn't get much attention until Barbara Streisand tried to have the photo blocked for the sake of her privacy
Upon hearing that Streisand wanted the photo removed, the image became forbidden fruit and was viewed millions of times across the internet.
If she hadn't tried to cover it up, no one would have looked.
Karen
In 1974, Karen Silkwood was found dead, as a result of a car crash. Silkwood was a chemical technician and labor union activist who was about the reveal the safety hazards. Despite drugs found on the scene, the police and coroner didn't believe the drug claim and went looking for other likely others. After being informed about death threats from her family, the Atomic Energy Commission, and the State Medical Examiner found radioactive contamination in her body.
This prompted an investigation at Kerr-McGee, the company Silkwood was talking about, which reveal the very problems that were about to going to be exposed to the media. Kerr-McGee had to pay up for what was done as they were held liable.
Oh Florida...
bob ross painting GIFGiphyRecent Polk County, Florida deputies losing (stealing) cash evidence, trying to cover it up, and getting fired.
What have we learned? Nothing right? Read again, just lead with the truth. It'll sting but as you can see... the other options will make it all much worse. This is particularly important for any future politicians following along. Don't be these guys.
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