I remember the first funeral I went to where people didn't hold back. And I was shook. I mean I get it, you hated that person, by why bother sharing the craziness now? You should've just punched them in the face when you had a chance.
Lies!
i see you no GIF by Shalita GrantGiphy"Everyone stood up and spoke about how much they missed him and what a great man, friend, and leader he had been. His daughter stood up to speak last and said: "I don't know who you people are talking about because my father was nothing like that to me my whole life."
Why bother?
"There was no funeral for him. His sisters wanted one in the "it's the right thing to do" sort of way, but the rest of the family (his mother included) were in camp "why bother?"
"A lot was said, as this was the man who had abused my grandparents for drug money for years, stole from family members (including the birthday money of small children - I taught the younger cousins how to hide their holiday cash from him), faked cancer on multiple occasions to gain sympathy (and more money), and broke down my grandma's front door when she didn't want to deal with him while my grandpa was dying in their house."
"There were two that stand out:"
"Oh, he actually did die of cancer? About time."
"And the real ice cold one, from his mother:"
"It's for the best."
Good Riddance
"When my grandmothers brother-in-law passed away my grandmother asked me to be a pall bearer since they were having a hard time finding anyone that would agree to do it. During the funeral nobody other than family showed up and when the minister asked if anyone wanted to say anything about the deceased there were several people that shouted out things like 'good riddance.' He had been a man that was widely hated by the community as well as his family. He spent his entire life swindling anyone, including members of his own family, out of everything that he could."
John Doe
"I have an 1910 local newspaper obituary for my grandfathers brother (my great uncle), who died when my grandfather was 12. It reads.... "JOHN DOE died walking on Goose Gap Road with friends Saturday night when he fell on a knife. He was well-known as a wicked and godless boy, who brought shame to his family, but his parents are good, faithful church-going people and our sympathies are with them."
Oh My!
Fanning Heat Wave GIF by Harlem GlobetrottersGiphy"My very Christian grandmother who is in the beginning stages of dementia talked about how great my grandfather was in bed at his funeral. It was actually kind of sweet, but the timing wasn't great and I don't know how much her children wanted to hear about it right then."
Oh my... now that is a ton of mess. It makes you think, what are my so called "loved ones" thinking about me right now? I always have some shade to throw, but I like to see live reactions of the landings.
Not You
Oh God Reaction GIFGiphy"After Grandma's service we were discussing where to go for lunch when Gramps tells cousin (10) You stay here with the stiff, we'll pick you up later."
- sisnomor
What the hell Brian?!?
"My friend's father passed away a few years ago and a buddy of ours shows up out of the blue. We haven't seen this guy in a long time. We would send him texts, call him, send Facebook messages but he never responds. So anyway he shows up at the funeral and our friend says, "What the hell Brian?!? My father has to die for you to hang out!?!?"
911 Dispatchers Share The Most Ridiculous Calls They've Ever Received | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
The Mistress
"My biological father's long-time mistress spent her time during the eulogy talking about:
- All the profound emotions she felt when they were making love, and how she knew from that he was the one (Her children, from a man she divorced to be with my father, were sitting right in front of her.)
- While on his deathbed, he woke up one of his last times and used his time to scold her "bitterly" for reading a magazine while he lay dying. She considered it a lighthearted and endearing moment.
- While recounting his legacy she got almost every single detail of his professional life wrong, and pointed me out as hopefully walking in my fathers steps (knowing I hated him)."
"The only other person to talk was the priest. My father was narcissistic, a psychopath, and a bad person in ways that aren't mentioned in pleasant conversation. All he cared about in life was power and glory at any and everyone else's expense, and he was buried at the funniest and most undignified funeral I have ever seen. It was almost therapeutic, 10/10."
"A great friend of mine died a couple years ago. He was known for his amazing sense of humor and the sound of his laugh. When his wife asked me to speak at his funeral, I started thinking about how--if he were alive and we were going to someone else's funeral, he'd figure out how to have fun."
"So I played a game and opened it up to his friends, challenging them to give me a word I had to work into the eulogy. In the end I came up with the word myself; as soon as I thought of it, I knew he would have used it. The word was "ejaculation." I won the challenge."
God Who?
jesus GIFGiphy"During his sermon at the funeral, the preacher said that he "thought it odd that the deceased insisted on having a church funeral, given that records and personal testimony indicated that he had never stepped foot in church during his lifetime."
Burn
"Complaining about the length of the service he said, "f**k me, 2 hrs to bury a set of teeth because that's all that was left after the fire. I was embarrassed but so did I. He was an ex SAS trooper so tended towards plain speaking. Ironically the deceased was not a friend of mine (he didn't know) so I'd been very careful not to say anything negative."
"Bill was a very flawed man..."
"At my Father's wake 20 years ago the man married to my Godmother gave a speech. He started with "Bill was a very flawed man..." and went on to badmouth my Dad for 5 minutes. This from the smarmy alcoholic a**hat that hit on me at a bar 2 years later and was universally regarded as a fool."
"We are ALL flawed, but my Dad was one of the greatest men and best Fathers I have ever met (aside from my husband). The funeral was standing room only and full of people whose lives were touched by my Dad's kindness and ability to make people laugh. I wanted to punch my Godmother's husband in his face that day."
Bad Timeline
Sorry Not Sorry School GIFGiphy"At my Grandma's funeral, I admitted to a cousin that I often forgot she was still alive. I had started referring to her in the past tense years before."
He was Ours!
"Well, being dead doesn't make him any less of an a**hole." It was said by me, about a good friend, and it was met with a lot of laughter because we all knew it was true. He was our a**hole if you know what I mean."
"I feel thats what my friends are going to say about me , and I'm proud to be their a**hole. After all , one of them said , you are friends with us because we are the only ones to put up with your bullcrap and dark humour :P"
- Vitaly17
Hey Michael
"Ooh, the boss gave a very Michael Scott-like eulogy. First, he asked for moment of silence, then talked through it. But the cringiest moment was saying how much the deceased cared for his ex-wife and daughter. "I see how much child support comes out of every one of his paychecks, and he never complained about that."
You do this for a living?
priest GIFGiphy"Went to a funeral where the catholic priest got the deceased name wrong, the dead guy's SIL's name wrong, and then told everyone refreshments were available at the back of the church, they weren't."
Heaven's Mess
"We can always hope our understanding of heaven is wrong", priest, speaking about a deceased friend who was an atheist but his parents insisted on a church funeral. He said it repeatedly and in different ways, implying that it was a shame he was going to burn in hell."
Gimme my Money!!
"He still owed me $14."
"I said that about my buddy that passed away. He owed me like $5 and I was joking to my friend that it's just like him to die on me so he didn't have to pay it back. Fast forward a couple days and I find random piles of change all adding to about $5. It's funny because that's exactly how he woulda paid me back."
It's Obvious!
"Not me, but my father went to the funeral of a man he knew while growing up. The preacher said he could tell by looking down on the deceased in the casket that he had went to hell. Then proceeded to preach a sermon about how it was necessary to live a morally upright life so that the people present didn't go to hell like the deceased man had."
Greedy
Halloween GIF by Pop-TartsGiphy"The officiant at my boyfriend's grandmother's funeral just a few months ago said that the deceased was good at getting free desserts from wait staff, which the family interpreted as him saying she was greedy and conniving."
Funerals really are a hotbed of drama and hilarity. That is when everyone has nothing craps left to give. And it shows us, all people are not good and need to go. Just truth!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
short stuff GIFChucky the 1st!
Most evil would be Hitler, but you asked for a**hole. My vote for one is Charles Dickens. He wrote once that he could not care less about his new born son, cheated on his wife with an actress and eventually left his family for the actress which was 27 years younger. Since leaving his family he wrote them 2 letters. Once when he left and once before he died. He didn't even write back to his ex after she informed him that one of their sons had died.
The Inept
Mao.
More like biggest idiot in history. I do genuinely believe that he wanted to help Chinese society but was incredibly inept in doing so.
Mao Zedong. He literally killed 200 million Chinese because of political differences and kept millions more in imposed poverty. At the same time he used to live a life fit for the Kings.
History Lessons
Leslie Odom Jr Disney GIF by Hamilton: An American MusicalGiphyAaron Burr is up there. Died broke and alone; everybody was done with him.
I mean, we've had worse. Just look at any $20 bill...
Winnie the Bad
It's an unpopular opinion but Winston Churchill. When in 1943 a famine broke out in Bengal, up to 3 million people starved to death while British officials begged Churchill to direct food supplies to the famine stricken region. He bluntly refused and raged that it was their own fault for "breeding like rabbits".
Oh Chris....
Christopher Columbus.
Dude was so bad, that even the King and Queen of Spain were like, "yeah Chris, I know we're busy with the Reconquista and the Inquisition, but if you could just tone down the genocide a bit, that'd be great."
Che Away
Che Guevara. Murdered thousands in the Cuban revolution. Was extremely racist and homophobic and had gays and black Cubans murdered.
And somehow has become popular among misguided college students who don't understand that when a Communist revolution occurs, its the students and intellectuals who helped start it who get put to the wall first.
Communists fool with you then chuck you. After all, once you're the one in power you don't want revolutionaries any more. You want obedience.
How this genocidal maniac ended up in so many dorms is ridiculous.
Joe
fascist GIFGiphyI really don't know but I'll just put Stalin up here. Killed many more than even Hitler did.
The Awful Mick
Mick Philpot notorious in the UK for being the scummiest man alive. He was an abusive father of 17 and a polygamist who refused to work instead choosing to make a living by receiving child benefits cheques. Then one of his wives got sick of his abuse and left him taking her 6 kids with her. Mick was enraged by this and burnt her house down with her and the kids inside it, killing them all. The whole country was sickened by his actions and it is very unlikely he will ever see the light of day again.
The Fool
Sigmund Freud 👀
You mean the coked-up moron of a psychologist? If so, then yeah, that's the one.
Leo the Awful
King Leopold II. His very great-grandson is my best friend and he agrees with me, even wants his statues down.
He reportedly killed more people than Hitler and arguably treated the Congolese people worse than him.
Not that Spock
leonard nimoy wow GIFGiphyLet's just say there's a reason that both the comparison to and the phrase "literally Hitler" exist.
Now? If we're just talking "a**hole," you might check out ol' Doc Spock and the number of babies he inadvertently killed by pretending to know science.
THEM
Some that most people don't even know about:
- Shirō Ishii
- Viacheslave Molotov
- Vsevolod Balytsky bryceland23
In the Name of....
morgan freeman i'm god GIFGiphyGod him/herself.
They are responsible for every natural disaster, the invention of the nuclear bomb, detonations of said bombs, creating hitler, Stalin, Mao, Genghis Khan, everything that has happened and everything that will happen.
Forget God.
The Inventor
Thomas Midgley.
Just could not stop inventing horrible things.
Freon AND leaded gas? WTF!
Oh Doc...
cat in the hat fun GIFGiphyDr. Seuss cheated on his dying wife and married his mistress after she did of cancer.
A full Country
Great Britain they have committed what is basically multiple mass genocide (but no one really calls them that)...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bengal_famine_of_1943
https://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/victorians/famine_01.shtml
Bad Mama
Mother Theresa leeched off poverty like no other.
She also completely disregarded the sanctity of Indian places, I think one of her first "hospitals" was actually some kinda of temple or holy place she literally took over. She didn't try to provide any kind of healthcare or cure, only a place for people to die in.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
People Confess The Most Soul-Crushing Thing Someone's Ever Said To Them
It's a fact of life that people can be brutal. Whether it's because a person is downright cruel or because he or she is drunk or angry, they can say some awful things.
My Indian aunt once mistakenly thought a cousin of mine was my daughter and told me American teenagers were trashy and stupid. I don't talk to that aunt anymore...
There is never an excuse to be that cruel, but that doesn't stop people from behaving that way.
Curious about this, Redditor Brilliant-End9428 asked:
No Excuse For Cruelty
"Mum's (59) boyfriend got mega drunk a few weeks back, told her that he was "only with her because he pitied her""
"Drunk or not, she wasn't having that. Back to being single."
– astrielx
Worst SIL Ever
"My sister-in-law was joking about how there aren't any male children that will "carry on the family name" when she knows full well that I lost my son at birth."
– otherm0ther
Wrong Reason To Have A Child
""You were our last attempt to save the marriage""
"Thanks, mom. Glad to know I was a failure straight out of the gate."
– Papa_Smurf87
Their Loss
""You're too ugly to buy ice cream from." - Some b**ch to me @ 15"
– Dividebynegativezero
Undeserving Of Being A Father
"When I was 11 my father (who I hadn't seen in 5 years b/c of divorce) showed up at a family Christmas and calmly asked me to not call him 'dad' b/c his new kids didn't know I existed."
– marshfield00
Grandmas Shouldn't Have Favorites
"I was 7 or 8 and I told my grandmother I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up. She told me I would never be smart enough and that I'd be lucky to one day be my cousin's house cleaner."
"My cousin was her favorite grandchild."
"I'm 32 and I still remember it so vividly."
– Jackie_13
ATM
"I hope you realize I'm only using you for your money"
--warlordwinters
No Good Reason For Saying This
"My grandmother and grandfather told 7yr old me if my mom kills herself and my dad dies in Afghanistan they would rather see me rot on the streets than taking me in"
– sugarhornyicetea
How Did She Keep Her Job?
"not to me, but to three of my friends in middle school. i attended a semi high-end school, and you would expect that the school counselor would be pretty good. hell no."
"the first friend reported a table of boys, with names, that were joking around and casually using racist and sexist slurs. she had VIDEO EVIDENCE, with clear audio of the boys saying those things. the counselor said “there’s nothing i can do about that.”"
"second friend was being sexually harassed by some boys. they were grabbing her shoulders and arms, making inappropriate jokes, completely violating her personal space, and generally making her very uncomfortable. the school counselor responded with the most horrible thing i think i’ve heard. “boys will be boys.”"
"third friend (not exactly a full friend but i knew her through my other friend) sent a LITERAL SUICIDE NOTE to my friend, saying she planned to kill herself by jumping in front of the school bus on its way to pick her up. he freaked out (they’re very close friends) and immediately told his mom, who notified the school counselor, and did all the necessary things. my friend ended up convincing her not to do it, and she was obviously sent to the counselor the next day. two times, and then she didn’t visit again (not by her choice, but by the counselor’s), and my friend gave her more counseling than the professional counselor ever did. we were almost dealing with a suicide, and she didn’t even care."
"i wish i would have reported her to the school board. she was so insensitive and fucking sucked."
– AA4AAAAA
Mountain Out Of A Molehill
"I was driving on the highway the other day and there was a really sharp exit. I apparently cut someone off even after properly signaling and moving to the lane to turn right. They followed me into the parking lot and as I got out of my car they said “you piece of sh*t, you asshole, you deserve every bad thing that’s going to come to you and you deserve to die”. Afterwards, they stormed off."
– KPenguinM
Ignorance At Its Best
"That I am carrying the balck plague because I have asthma... middle school was something else"
– Maximum_Calendar_791
Scarring
"When I was 9 ish, take or lose a year, I was flying to see my family as an unaccompanied minor, meaning I was flying alone. I had done it before, totally not a big deal, but this guy was on the plane while I was getting in. A big man in a suit with a clipboard. He said “wow, you’re a pretty girl! You could be a model! … well, maybe after some plastic surgery.” That comment has never left me."
– TheWolf122
Eeeew!
"Working in retail I have heard some stuff come out of people's mouth but the 1 that stands out is from an elderly man commenting to me about some good looking ladies walking around the shop and he says to me "hey she's nice isn't she?" I said "she's looks young like underage young" and he replied "well young skin will stretch" I was just shocked at what he said as he walked off."
– ChosenSean91
How Rude!
"I have a long list, but when my mother told my boyfriends mom “that I would be a perfect housewife.” This was when I tried to go to college."
– Ok-Mission-2440
Favoritism Is Disgusting
"Had a great great aunt who lived through the Great Depression (she was muy old). At Christmas she would give presents and it was clear she would give gifts based on how much she liked you or not."
"Oldest brother got a nice scarf and hat, I got a decent hat and my other brother got a 10 year old calendar with a coffee stain on it. She really didn’t like him. He tried to be nice to her and the one day said hello to her and she replied with “where’s the one I love?” in reference to my oldest brother."
"She was a rotten old bag."
– PoppaUU
Someone Is Emotionally Stunted
"At my father's funeral. I was 18. Me and my family were at the front row of the room, nearest to the casket, so from behind people couldnt see our faces. After the ceremony, I can't remember exactly who it was, probably an uncle, told me how strong and 'a man' I was for not crying."
"I did cry, of course I did. I guess he didn't see me cry. I didn't really register it at the time, said "thanks" and didn't think much about it."
"Years later I realized how messed up that was. Who goes to someone after they lost a family member and expects them to not cry? To give compliments if they didn't show emotions? To not care enough to shed a tear? Why shouldn't I cry at my dad's funeral? What the f*ck???"
– Pea-Nut2
No Words
"when I was 10 a girl came up to me and said "you're very veiny, can I pop one?" I dont know what the fck she was meaning by 'pop' one but I never talked to her again."
– Deleted User
Joke's On Him
"Not me but my choir teacher."
"When he was in the 12 grade his band teacher said to him the he was "worthless and that he would grow up to be a failure""
"That teacher was wrong, cuz my choir teacher had been teaching band and choir for over 20 years and he's pretty good at it."
– Deleted User
That's Not How It Works
"Just dont be depressed. Like bro..."
– SpeakablePerson
No matter who it was that said something that cruel to you, know that you deserve better (and that it might be time to cut someone out of your life).