Redditor Crystalgamer04 asked:
"What is your best insult, WITHOUT using curse words?"
Family Matters
"I bet your parents change the subject when people ask about you."
~ EpicCalliope
Giphy"Your mom tells you not to call her mom in public."
~ GiverOfGlizzies
Battle of Wits
"Intelligent thoughts have always followed you, but you were faster."
- KrispyKrunch_
"You've got a face for radio, the voice for newspaper, and the brains for neither."
- BadAtHumaningToo
"You seem like the sort of person who knows which color of crayon tastes the best."
- TrentWolfred
On The Job
"Me: 'Have I told you lately that you're doing a good job?'"
"Them: 'No'."
"Me: 'Do you think there might be a reason for that?'"
- TheCarrzilico
Giphy"There really are no gaps in your ignorance."
- Townscent
General Purpose
"I envy the people who have never met you."
- sigmaninus
"I didn't expect anything from you and you still disappointed."
- StillaDingo
So, what's your go to smackdown?
Share it in the comments.
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"Is that really what your mum would have wanted?"
Giphy"Is that really what your mum would have wanted?"
Oh do go off with that. I did everything to make her happy when she was here, I'm now doing what's best for me and mine without the fear of upsetting her, so don't give me that bull.
nothing to hide....
"If you've got nothing to hide, you've got nothing to fear."
"Cheery was aware that Commander Vimes didn't like the phrase 'The innocent have nothing to fear', believing the innocent had everything to fear, mostly from the guilty but in the longer term even more from those who say things like 'The innocent have nothing to fear'."
― Terry Pratchett , Snuff.
Duh Mom.
"If he wasn't sitting around playing video games all day he could've learned to swim away from that great white that can swim up to 35mph." Squiddytick
'IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR PHONE!'
- MOM Typical_Lady
One and Only is NOT an excuse....
"You only get one Mother. You're just hanging onto the past & you sound like a child"
No and No. Just because i'm your son doesn't mean you can talk to me & treat me any way you'd like. I am a person with feelings too, there are ways to talk to someone and get your point across in a relatively respectful way. Toxicity is toxicity and it should not be tolerated family or not.
Trashed.
Giphy"There's already so much trash on the ground here. Doesn't matter if I throw mine too."
Said all the people walking through there.
Debunked.
"This one widely-debunked study from 18 years ago proves that science is on my side!"
"You're wrong because of this thing I was taught in high school, which surely couldn't be a simplified introduction to a far more complex area of study!"
Times have Changed.
"I'm a nurse, I was trained in this and know what's what.".
Grandma, the last time you actively did anything nurse related was about 30 years ago and what I am telling you is LITERALLY the current state of the field based on dozens of peer reviewed and confirming studies.
"Of course they'd say that! The drug companies just want to waste your money!"
The political retread....
In reference to politicians:
"Obama/Bush/Whoever did it/is worse"
Yeah, and you were opposed to it then, why the heck are you okay with your guy doing it? This type of excuse didn't work for me after kindergarten, why are you using it as an adult?
I really get annoyed with this one as well, and I constantly see people do it. Obama did a lot of things we shouldn't have accepted, but he wasn't George Bush so we, collectively, let a few war crimes slide.
The Unsettled.
"The science is settled." That's not how science works, the entire point is to continually seek to prove yourself wrong! Science is never settled.
If a proposition has been thoroughly tested in that way and still stands then it's not unfair to say that the point is settled. When people say things like "the science is settled" or "we know for sure", they're not proposing to have defeated solipsism or anything, they're saying "we are as sure of this as we can possibly be."
What else you got Pops?
Giphy"You're the child, I'm the adult."
My dad uses this excuse even when he's wrong and I have legitimate proof that he is.
At some point you'll be able to say "you're the fossil, I'm the adult."