Redditor 9_Soldiers_In_A_Bear wanted to hear about the times everyone ruled the clap back.
So they asked:
"What’s the most badass thing you’ve accidentally said in the heat of the moment?"
I have a journal full of... "wish I had said that" moments. I need to be more present.
When in High School...
Criticize Lucille Bluth GIFGiphy"I didn’t realize the nature of my comment when I wrote it... but in high school, one of my teachers did end-of-the-year anonymous evaluations. Everyone hated him, and I understood why but I still did well in his class. I wrote 'I don’t have any critiques about your teaching, but I think you should work on being a better person.'"
hannahicebear
"You feeling froggy?"
"Big burly former marine/mercenary from Iraq was back stateside, huge f**king mountain of a man. We came to face each other in one of the narrow corridors of the office where one of us was gonna have to turn sideways. Neither of us turned, but we stopped. I'm 6'1 260 and he still towered over me. He was a nice guy, but still a little... 'conditioned.''"
"I guess you could say or mentally unhinged. He looked me dead in the eye and said, 'You feeling froggy?' It truly was like something out of a movie. Without blinking I replied, 'You better jump.' We both cracked up and turned sideways, while the office breathed a collective sigh of relief."
jvhero
In Particular
"I am a fourth grade teacher and one day I was up at the board and struggling to remember how to spell a particular word. I was trying to make light of it, telling the kids that sometimes adults need help with spelling too. One student replied, 'It is because you were poorly educated. But don’t worry, we are poorly educated too. Double whammy.'"
LapshuNaUshii
Viability
"At work project management undercut and mismanaged a project so badly. They pushed getting minimum viable product out with the goal to roll out improvements later. Product released, they all patted themselves on the back and moved on. Then that minimum viable product broke."
"In a meeting we had with our directors about how its so broken and the cost to fix it etc (no cost too big, unlimited manpower etc) I asked 'How come we couldn't afford to do it right, but we can afford to do it twice?'"
MikeLanglois
People can be very creative at the comeback.
"wrong"
matthew jump GIF by Married At First Sight AustraliaGiphy"A couple months ago, my (now ex) friend was telling me all the things that were 'wrong' with me, and she finished it with" ...and at least I don't have to wear makeup to look pretty.' I was so fed up with her sh*t, so I responded, 'At least I am capable of looking pretty.' She was speechless and I felt like such a bada** because this was the first time I ever stood up to her."
OliviRamon
Sit Down
"I'll never forget the moment a family walked into the local pub I was working at while I was working. This big king-of-the-grill bald alpha patriarch Dad type and his wife and kids came through, I said 'Welcome, where would you like to sit?' And he snapped back 'Well a table would be nice,' and without missing a beat at all I replied 'actually we usually sit on the chairs here,' I'll never forget the satisfaction of that moment or the look on his face haha."
lugh111
hey ladies...
"My uncles were *itching about my dad so I walked into the conversation and told them it wasn't polite to talk about people behind their backs. My uncle turned to me and said I shouldn't interrupt when the men are speaking and completely out of character I replied 'I don't see any men in here' ... boy did I get some s**t that day but that's how I knew I won that exchange."
kebabish
Damage
"I worked in cellphone sales for a few years and a woman came in with a fairly new flip phone (this was 2018 we just still sold them). She was complaining cause one of the sides of the screen was dangling off and said she didn't do anything it just snapped, and demanded a new phone."
"I told her 'that looks like physical damage and we don't have any coverage for that since you didn't buy a phone protection warranty.' She insisted it wasn't physical damage and the phone just sucks and broke itself. She started freaking out and calling me all kinds of names and swinging her phone in my face."
"And then the top half of the phone LITERALLY snapped off and landed on the counter in front of me. I just looked her in the eyes and said: 'Well that was definitely physical damage.' She lost her sh*t at my comment and it was weirdly satisfying."
fizzywaterisfizzy
Pass
Desus And Mero Pass GIF by Bernie SandersGiphy"I was accused of being passive aggressive. I replied 'Which part sounded passive? I don't ever want to come across as passive.'"
kezopster
And mic dropped.
Do you have any comebacks for the ages? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor Crystalgamer04 asked:
"What is your best insult, WITHOUT using curse words?"
Family Matters
"I bet your parents change the subject when people ask about you."
~ EpicCalliope
Giphy"Your mom tells you not to call her mom in public."
~ GiverOfGlizzies
Battle of Wits
"Intelligent thoughts have always followed you, but you were faster."
- KrispyKrunch_
"You've got a face for radio, the voice for newspaper, and the brains for neither."
- BadAtHumaningToo
"You seem like the sort of person who knows which color of crayon tastes the best."
- TrentWolfred
On The Job
"Me: 'Have I told you lately that you're doing a good job?'"
"Them: 'No'."
"Me: 'Do you think there might be a reason for that?'"
- TheCarrzilico
Giphy"There really are no gaps in your ignorance."
- Townscent
General Purpose
"I envy the people who have never met you."
- sigmaninus
"I didn't expect anything from you and you still disappointed."
- StillaDingo
So, what's your go to smackdown?
Share it in the comments.
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Redditor Themadadealtinwanted to hear about the times someone's words have left a wound.
They asked:
"What’s the most hurtful thing someone has said to you?"
I can't even begin discussing what I've been told. Let's just say... people don't like me fat.
Ouch
Shannyn Sossamon Cringe GIFGiphy"Everyone loves you until they realize how f**ked up you actually are!"
"I still wonder how much truth there is to that."
owlhandsondeck
Uninvited
"This actually happened last week. My brother is visiting from overseas. My parents, him, my GF and I spent a week on holiday together. Just before we left, I thanked my mom for inviting us. She turned to me and said 'I didn't invite you, (brother) did. You were only supposed to stay for two days.' For some reason that hit me hard. Like I wasn't welcome."
Tame_Trex
Cuts Deep
"'Why aren't you normal?' - My mom."
NeriosVag
"My dad said basically the same thing to me when I was around 14 and my depression and anxiety was worsening and it had gotten so bad I couldn’t even set foot in my high school without having full blown panic attacks so I had to be homeschooled and my dad said 'why can’t you just be normal like other kids?'”
"That cut so deep, I already was struggling with coming to terms with my declining mental health then to be made to feel even more like a freak was and still is devastating. I’m so sorry that you had to go through the same and I send you a huge virtual hug ❤️ no one deserves to be told that and treated like that especially not by a parent."
MarmaladeDreamer
Sniff Away
"40 years ago I was 18 and my father died suddenly, I was devastated and grieving, his then business associate told me not to sniff around the office because I would never be the man my father was. This still makes me sick to this day when I think about it."
geevesm1
Thanksgiving, 2009...
offended danny devito GIFGiphy"You're useless to me."
"My dad, right after I got my foot broken by a piece of heavy machinery while we were moving downed trees. I'll never forget it, the day after Thanksgiving, 2009."
AscendedExtra
Good Lord. Some people really shouldn't be parents. That's awful.
bad for me...
Youre The Worst I Hate You GIF by Brooklyn Nine-NineGiphy"'You going to therapy would be terrible for me' that was the beginning of a 30 minute lecture from my mom on Thanksgiving. I almost ended it."
Lwathorn
“I don’t get this.”
"I asked my teacher for help. I didn’t understand something in my workbook. I waited quietly and patiently for her at her desk while she helped her favorite students and when she got to me I pointed to it and said, 'I don’t get this.' She sighed, rolled her eyes, and said, 'You’ll never get it.' Then she walked away and ignored me."
"I was left standing at her desk, holding my open workbook, not knowing what to do or how to finish the assignment. I never forgot that. She did positively influence my life though because I am now a teacher myself, and that day was a huge reason why I became one! (I have a lot of student loans and I barely survive paycheck to paycheck but my students go home from school knowing they are loved.)"
agbellamae
“best friend”
"My mom passed from ovarian cancer when I was in my mid 20’s. I had just graduated college and dropped out of my graduate program to go home and care for her bc she wanted to die at home. It was just my dad (who was in deep denial and my brother who is disabled). Needless to say I was caring for everyone."
"About a month or so after my mom passed I went back to see my 'best friend' at the time back in NC where we both attended college. I was looking for a distraction from my grief and trying to manage it as well. We were sitting on her porch having a few drinks and joking around and my GF for some reason blurted out in laughter 'oh, just get over it already!'”
"I had no words. I was just so shocked and hurt - I just sat there and felt ridiculous and sad all at once."
Onlykitten
Don't Speak
"Everyone I used to work with, including management, quit very suddenly. I wanted to have a conversation with the person they sent from corporate who was going to be our temporary management. They told me, 'I don't speak to the hourly workers.' I quit on the spot and hope he chokes on his money but it hurt me anyway."
MotivaSean
Gross
Schitts Creek What GIF by CBCGiphy"I don't see what he sees in you, I bet you just lie there."
"-My mother."
teflonfairy
Burdens
“'Honestly, no one really wanted you around anyway.' An ex best friend, telling me I was simply an annoying tag-along whenever we went out with their friends. I struggle to connect with people now, and constantly feel like a burden to everyone."
honeycomb286
"You’re not the burden. Those kinds of people are."
shehulk55
Punch to the Gut
"I was adopted as an infant. A coworker found out I'm adopted and asked me, 'Why didn't your mother want you?' Felt like a punch to the gut. My step mom (who my adoptive dad married after my adoptive mom died) asked me, 'Why weren't you aborted?' She assumed my birth mom didn't want me and phrased it in the worst question ever."
"And a doctor (who was overweight, too) told me, 'You'd be pretty, if it wasn't for the weight.' There was no reason for her to say that. I've struggled with my weight my entire life. I know I need to lose weight. But I don't go to the doctor to have my attractiveness evaluated."
OMGhyperbole
‘apologize’
"My now ex-boyfriend went to see his ex in the Netherlands to ‘apologize’ for what he did during their relationship. He was supposed to come back Monday morning, I asked him when he was coming back, he was online and ignored me. I knew it in me that he was with her not to talk about the past for sure, I tried to call him, he ignored me even tho he was online. I sent him a text saying that if he didn’t called me that he could pretend that I never existed in his life, and he answered right away with an alright."
Adventurous_Bedroom2
Laughs
the joker smile GIFGiphy"'I understand exactly how you feel (after my father's passing).... I felt exactly the same way when X broke up with me...'"
"I wish I was joking."
lou3745
3 years later...
"Its a while back and like most of these comments it’s something my ex said. She said that she doesn’t fine me attractive anymore and that her feelings are not enough to love me as a boyfriend anymore but more like a good friend. We ended the relationship of 5 years and were just friends till i couldn’t do it anymore. 3 years later and I still think about it on a daily."
nothinglowhere
Not Perfect
"I'm going to make your son hate you when he gets older."
Moletheus
"As someone who was the kid in this situation. Just be there for him and do the best you can. You don’t have to be perfect. Just be honest. He will likely figure it out. It’s going to suck but you guys will get there."
birdof_death
I Still Remember
"I was in grade 3 and I was friends with 2 girls in my class. Their older sisters were a few grades above. One day they just collectively ganged up on me and told me that I can no longer play with them and they don't want to be friends with me. I was also still an only child back then and I just moved to a new school far from my best friend. I don't know why I still remember that moment but I do."
inc_mplete
Shattered
"I was 16 when my childhood best friend/boyfriend lost his battle with cancer. A few months later my big sister was ticked off and told me he was lucky he died so he didn’t have to spend the rest of his life with a *itch like me. I’m 29 and I’ll never forget the way that shattered my soul."
Melliemelou
Passion
"I am autistic, so when I get passionate about something, I get really passionate. Like, consumes-my-life-learn-everything-there-is-to-know passionate. As a teenager, that topic was horror movies. I would talk to anyone who would listen. One day, someone interrupted me and yelled 'would you shut up??? No one cares about the stupid things you have to say!' It really hurt me and to this day I’m really hesitant to talk about my interests."
Catnip_cryptidd
Time to say "Bye Felicia!" No one needs this mess. Be kind. Be strong.
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