While I'm all for fantastic apocalypse fashion, there's a lot more needed if anyone is actually going to make it.
Reddit user 00chives00 asked:
What is the most overlooked item when prepping for the apocalypse?
Kick back, readers. It's time to learn how screwed we really are if things go sideways...
Wrap It Up
golden girls advice GIF by HULUGiphy"Condoms, because it seems like in every apocalypse series/movie there is a dummy that manages to get someone pregnant." - Reborn-1
"This is basically the plot to A Quiet Place" - ironman1977
"And the walking dead" - jujubeeee
"And Last man on Earth" - merc123
"They're also arguably the most effective way of keeping a thin item watertight. Militaries have yet to find a better method for keeping water out of guns." - wanttodoright
Everyone With Bad Eyesight
The Sandlot Wow GIFGiphy"Glasses or contacts… even the doomsday preppers get this one wrong." - 00chives00
"everyone with bad eyesight is pretty much f*cked" - SamCarter_SGC
"Apocalypse Looting Tip: keep an eye out for Eagles eyeglass donation boxes. You'll probably find something close to your prescription in those."
"Take the spares and trade them to others in need. After all, they're supposed to be for charity. The Eagles aren't coming for them anyway." - GallopingGusset
Tiny And Precise
face flying GIFGiphy"Little but hard-to-make stuff like matches, sewing needles, fish hooks, etc."
"I'm not a blacksmith, but I can hammer something simple out like a knife blade or a big door hinge. Tiny precise stuff? Fuhgeddaboudit." - nachtjaeger68
"Make them from bone or don't bother. Fish traps and nets are far more important than hooks and are easier to make." - Bogtrotterso1980
We Still Have Periods
period menstruation GIF by AMAZEorgGiphy"Pads/tampons" - piratekingphi
"Huh? Periods end as soon as the apocalypse starts. This is common knowledge.
"You also never have to shave and makeup is plentiful and will stay applied perfectly even when you're running away from cannibals." - utaneku
"Better to use a silicone cup since pads/tampons will eventually run out since they are non-reusable."
"Sanitizing would be easy to do if you can boil water. Since boiling water is something that might be going on anyway with lack of working public water system, it wouldn't be a problem." - theundeadfairy
Kickin It Old School
Confused Survival GIF by Four Rest FilmsGiphy"Maps and a Compass. You won't have your phone or gps anymore and might need to move."
"Receivers will die because of a lack of batteries. But I think that in rougher conditions, even with batteries, a lot of electronic devices will brake down due to the rougher working environment and lack of maintenance."
"I was curious now how long the satellites would remain working and surprised about the results. If you think they would stay up forever, you might want to brace."
"I just googled "satellite lifespan". I did not really find a definitive answer, but in general, they will stop working faster than i expected."
"Plus streets might be dangerous and signs might get removed for resources." - ir_blues
"I live by some mountains and probably 100 miles of forest past em. I been wondering if they usually make maps for logging roads" - Ninjabonez86
Wait WHAT!?
display warning GIF by South Park Giphy"Fuel."
"People always jumping into cars and then getting stranded in the middle of nowhere with too many supplies to carry, and no plan whatsoever." - Allst6r
"An often ignored, and infuriating bit, is vehicle fuel has a relatively short shelf life. Regular gasoline has a shelf life of three to six months, while diesel can last up to a year before it begins to degrade."
"Without functioning refineries, just about every gasoline powered machine becomes near worthless within months." - StephanXX
Maintenance
red dead redemption 2 rdr2 GIF by Rockstar GamesGiphy"Gun maintenance stuff. Everyone always says they will get guns, whether they know how to use them or not."
"This is fine, until you drop it or f*ck it up somehow, then you're stuck with a heavy paperweight. Don't have a gun if you don't know how to do basic maintenance on the gun."
"You can have a gun during the apocalypse IF you know how to maintain it, use it, and make handloads for ammo or find it, which shouldn't be an issue unless you pick a hard to find caliber such as .30 Nosler, you can find it, but not at every gun store."
​"Making your own ammo is super unsafe if you don't know how. For shotgun ammo I've got a big press that you work the shell through and pull a lever to do all of the tasks: remove spent primer, seat new primer, drop powder, drop wad and shot, them crimp the shell."
"I can make a box of 25 in about 10 minutes, look up "MEC single-stage shotshell loader". You can also do this by hand but it'll take longer."
"For rifles you do it way more carefully, using a different press, you basically remove the old primer, replace it, measure and drop powder, then use a press to seat the round."
"But like I said, I almost exclusively use a very common round, .308, which can be found at pretty much every gun store in North America, so reloads aren't really necessary." - ShredderDent
Open
force GIFGiphy"I'm not seeing Can Opener anywhere."
"Sure there are many ways to open a can, but most are noisy."
"Canned food also keeps for a very long time, having a can opener on hand could make life much much easier for you, and its not something many average peeps think about during the whole "what if zombies happened tomorrow" chats." - DuckXu
You Need You
Stay Calm Gordon Ramsay GIF by FOX TVGiphy"Yourself."
"If you panic, you die. If you take stupid risks, you die."
"That's an unfortunate reality of sh*t hitting the fan -- once society breaks down nobody will come to save you from yourself. So any lapse in judgement is going to be a big problem."
"You getting into a fight isn't going to end well, because the guy might have friends or weapons. So if you can't check your ego, you won't last long."
"Likewise your health. You won't last long in an apocalypse if you're obese and wheeze going up stairs. After things go bad, all that stuff that used to be done by machines will be done by human muscle."
"If you need something, you make or grow it. If you need to be somewhere, you walk or maybe bike." - maiqthetrue
Shoes Matter
Andy Samberg Flip Flops GIFGiphy"Having cheap flip-flops is gonna destroy your feet, so get a good, durable pair of boots and an absolute metric ton of socks." - villanuevac4
"Knowledge to make your own shoes"
"I wrote an article for backwoods home magazine a few years ago about simple Celtic leather boots and shoes that I made based off ones found in bogs. Like European mocassins" - bogtrotterso1980
Sooo... Happy Hunger Games, I guess?
This sounds complicated and depressing.
Happy December 32nd!
I was managing the IT department in a state agency, and were under enormous pressure to prevent any Y2K problems. On NY day I went to work before dawn and tested everything before the Exec Director arrived. Relieved that everything was working ok, we went to IHOP For a celebratory breakfast.
The IHOP bill was date/timed stamped 32Dec1999.
DANG.
GiphyMy favorite thing was cemetery headstones that were not Y2K compliant. People had headstones made before they died with the 19 pre-engraved, planning on filling in the next two digits when the time came. Oops, they kept living.
5 or 105?
I think my favorite story I heard about actually happened before 2000, but it was basically the same idea. It was about someone in a northern European country who had turned 105 (born in like 1890) receiving a letter in the mail addressed to "Parents of" and his name. The letter was telling his parents that he was supposed to start school now that he was 5 years old. Of course, this happened because the government used a 2 digit date in the computer system and sent a letter to everyone with a "90" birth year.
Spooky.
I lived overseas and was watching the news with family and friends on the armed forces network, the newscast did the countdown and then at 1 they cut the feed and it went to static. There were several gasps and then about five seconds later the feed came back and the newscast shouted "Just kidding! Happy New Year!"
I thought it was pretty clever.
The Y2K milk cow.
GiphyMy mother was one of those folks that was convinced that everything was going to implode for Y2K. She thought that it would be like a post apocalyptic nightmare - no food at the stores, banks shut down, people rioting - the whole nine yards.
She desperately tried to convince me, my two brothers, and all of our families to come to her place in the country and bunker down for the duration. Of course, none of us were going for that but we did keep in touch so that she didn't worry too much.
I will never forget the phone call where she explained that she had stock piled canned goods, bought a generator, and bought a MILK COW. The cow was so that the kids would have milk since there obviously wouldn't be any at the store after all commerce broke down.
Shm. Her heart was in the right place but really mom?!? A milk cow?? None of the kids were even babies that would need milk.
She ended up selling the cow shortly after nothing happened. We still laugh about the Y2K milk cow.
Obscure Opinions People Are Fully Committing To | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
We all have a set of beliefs about even the smallest of topics. Like sandwiches should have structural integrity. That's something we can all agree on, right...What a waste.
I worked in IT at one of the Dow Industrial companies' headquarters, and I spent a high percentage of 1999 doing "Y2K tests" on every single computer, server, printer, fax machine and, I'm pretty sure, coffee maker.
No problems, and no signs of problems. That year was a waste of my life.
E12 was first.
I'm a firefighter and was working on the Y2K night. Right at midnight, all of our primary radio and CAD systems failed. It was a huge, system wide failure just like everybody predicted would happen. We were getting dispatched by backup radios and our dispatchers were writing down calls on pieces of paper. The suck is that my engine company had the first call of the year, but we didn't get credit for it because of the confusion. When they put calls into the computer after it was fixed we ended up with call 00013.
F*ck you Engine 3, we were first. Sincerely, E12.
Darn it, dad.
GiphyWe were in high school. Had a huge group of friends 30+ that spent New Years at one my friend's parent's house.
We were doing the countdown. Everyone was nervous from all the hype that computers were not going to be able to calculate the date correctly and revert to 1900, shutting down vital city systems. (Internet and computers were just beginning to take over managing everything. For reference, I had a beeper in high school guys!)
5....4....3....2...1.... The entire house goes completely dark. Silence.
Friend's dad comes upstairs looks at our scared faces and starts his a** off, slapping his legs and doubling over with humor. Can't catch his breath. He flipped the breaker. Lights back come on. Happy Y2K everyone!!
It was perfect.
To be fair, I do this every night.
I got up at 3 am to check if the world had ended. It had not, so I went back to bed.
That's not so bad.
My dad had been paid quite a bit over the previous year, as he was a COBOL programmer 20-30 years before, and it was mostly COBOL programs that people worried about. The panic helped increase his wage. A lot of stuff did end up getting fixed, which is why things didn't go as badly as predicted.
He didn't work at all this century. Part of it was that he had made enough that he could stop working, but I think a large part was that he developed an inflated sense of what his skills were worth, over those few years, and has never been offered anything close since.
New Year's Eve itself I had a very bad cold. I spent most of the night huddled in my bed. At midnight I went across the street for half an hour. Some friends had gotten the key to the roof of the engineering building (the Wallberg building) and we went up there to watch the fireworks.
Some of those doomsday preppers have the right idea.
"I got doomsday prepper survival food because I live in Houston and we have hurricanes. I can keep it in my closet for 25 years and it will always be there."
"I also have a few jugs of water and a camping stove with several propane cartridges."
Good tip!
Giphy"Water."
"Can't stress this enough."
"You can only survive about 3 days without it, and better to have some than rely on a questionable or bad source."
"Yeah, heard the best thing to do is (assuming you can somewhat predict the emergency) fill the bath up as much as you can beforehand so you can boil and use it."
That's a very true point.
"Extra doses of your medication. Ex., insulin for diabetics."
"In college I had one roommate who was diabetic, one who was deaf with hearing aids, and one who had his thyroid removed and required medication daily. We used to watch The Walking Dead together and morbidly joke that if it ever happened our house would be in a lot of trouble."
A nifty trick.
"Water, a few days of food, a radio and extra batteries, decent first aid kit, light of some kind."
"During our last power outage we realized the solar outdoor lights worked for indoors after dark. We put them in vases around the house. Just a thought for others if you have those in your yard."
Can't prepare for the apocalypse without these things.
Giphy"I think most people have covered water and food, you really can't survive without much of that. Some items you might not think to have stored away but would be invaluable would be like:"
"Can opener - How awesome it is to have so much canned food, but what are you going to do if you can't open it?"
"Matches or other fire generator - Being able to heat things will become invaluable."
"Emergency blankets - If left with no power, these can help preserve body heat. Many don't know, but shivering causes you to expend a lot of calories."
"A sharp hunting/camping knife - Many uses from cutting, opening things, working with rope, etc."
"Maps - If the internet/GPS goes down, these are invaluable in knowing where you are and where you can go."
Food is a top priority.
"Shelf stable food supply that does not require refrigeration."
"Have you seen those tubs of dehydrated emergency ration foods that the preppers like to buy?"
"Buy one of those big tubs. Enough to feed everyone in your home for at LEAST 3 days. Preferably more."
"Put the thing in the back of your pantry, or your closet, or wherever, and forget you have it."
"But if the worst happens, you will have a food buffer."
Don't forget about the pets!!!
"So yes to all the water/food comments in here. 🙂 But also consider keeping hard copies of important documentation, like IDs, medical information, contact list, birth certificates, passports, titles, recent photos of loved ones and pets to help with reunification, etc. Keep it all together in a folder or something in a safe, so you can grab it if needed."
Can confirm, hot sauce is a life saver.
Giphy"Hot sauce."
"You're probably gonna be eating a lot of shitty food."
"If you all are s***ting your brains from a little hot sauce you got bigger problems than hot sauce."
"And hot sauces basically last forever. Most brands of hot sauce you'd find in the store are basically vinegar and chile peppers, which are basically natural preservatives. The acidity in the hot sauce means they can last for years and don't really go bad. I found they get more vingegary the longer they sit around, but still consumable."
Pro-level preparedness!
"PLANS - A plan for shelter in place - minimum ten days supplies of food, water and meds for person and pet in the household or who could be at your home (think older relatives). Presume electricity and running water are not operational (bucket/trash bags/ kitty litter for toilet), extra water for hygiene). Lighting (batteries/ flashlights). Foods that don't need lots of water or elaborate cooking. Manual can opener."
"Plan for sudden evacuation (in case of wildfire for example). Identify hotels 50-100 miles in each direction from your house, if you have pets / physically disabled person, make sure a hotel will accept them. Print out directions/phone number (stop relying on cells/ contact lists/gps). As soon as you get an evac notice, make arrangements to get to that hotel (with the following:)"
"Right now, go through each room of your house and identify one-two items in each room absolutely irreplaceable either sentimentally or physically. Tape a list of those items in that room on the door of that room so you don't have to "think" in a panic."
"For actual evacuation (now)- make a very short checklist of things to prep house - usually cutting off power / water / gas connections if you can safely and quickly. Make an evac pack or go bag for every person in your household including potential visitors AND for PETS. Shelters are getting better about taking pets but you should still be prepared to support their care (food, water, toys, leashes/collars with IDs, poop bags/ kitty litter). Human go bag - food, water, meds, clothing, small bedding, non-electrical entertainment (books, cards, coloring books, toys), charge cords, power strip, ear plugs, head phones."
"Shelters are a roof over your head; not a four-star hotel. It will be loud, crowded and stressful. Best is to be prepared mentally / physically and bring your own stuff so you are not such a burden. Be nice to shelter staff; most of them are volunteers with affected families themselves."
"In all cases, Lots of cash including coins and small bills (not just a stack of $100s). Misc: good pocket knife, duct tape, print out hard copies of anything important including phone numbers (don't presume cellular service is working). First aid kit include a good tourniquet and know how to use everything. Think self care, buddy care, medic care."
"If cellular service is still up - texts will get through on busy networks better than calls. I don't know the situation since so many folks are getting rid of true landlines, but it used to be (even three-five years ago), that you could reach another US region even if your region was ringing busy. For example, if you/disaster is in VA, you can't call someone in MD, but you could call someone in NV. We have identified a family member in each US time zone as a disaster point of contact to help with coordination and check in."
"Ready.gov and after action reports of disasters (non-secure available by internet search) are good sources of more information."
"Source: I am an emergency management planner with expertise in planning, training and exercises."
You kinda do need to stay entertained.
"Board/card games."
"A lot of the things mentioned here are very important and would definitely cover a lot of physical aspects of getting through it. I wanted to bring in some sort of entertainment not only to help pass the time, but also to serve as a bit of distraction from whatever is going on because your mental well-being is important too."
Good point.
Giphy"FILTER. YOUR. WATER. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of people have suggested keeping a bathtub full of it which is a great idea and boiling it is too. But sometimes you need to filter it too."
Most people probably haven't thought of this.
"Cash. Probably $100-200 per person in ones and fives. Everyone else is going to have only credit cards and the few that have cash, will have twenties."
Important stuff.
"Water and flash lights."
"When a large-scale emergency happens water and electricity are the first to go. It hard to remain safe if you cant see, hence why flash lights are so important.
"Water because once the water goes you purely don't have any. Unlike food because you will always have food around the house you can take.""
GENIUS.
Giphy"My grandma, who is a bit of a prepper, as cases and cases of cigarettes. She doesn't smoke, but always says she'll be able to trade them for whatever she needs. Genius."
Be sure to prep before disaster hits. Do you have things to add? Let us know in the comment section below
Want to "know" more?
Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again.
