My first thought is... "LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
Blood
"Don't say 'hello' just pick up the phone and say 'it's done, but there's blood everywhere. I'll need your help cleaning it up. Bring bleach, trash bags and that large saw from the garage.' and then just hang up."
FinnbarMcBride
Pretend
"Pretend to be elderly and confused. You’ll hook them immediately and can then proceed with wasting the most of their time."
Bananaman1229
"This is my go to, my record is 8min of slowing asking them to repeat it and ask about my benefits or what the package includes. If it’s the solar guys I ask about the panel type and what crew they will use. Sometime I tell them I just moved or ask about the weather."
brapo68
language by language...
"I gave the phone to my neighbor who talked to them in Pennsylvania German. My neighbor is Amish. Then the person on the phone tried to use regular German, but all they knew was 'Sprechen Sie Deutsch.' When my Amish neighbor said yeah and then rattled off in a mix of German and dutch the scammer hung up."
"Then they called back not 20 minutes later. So I spoke to them in Chinese. But they kept telling me to speak in English. They hung up after about two minutes."
elanrach
Hold Please
"In a forum online, a girl answered a call with a Caller ID that came up as fraud. She answered breathlessly, 'Can you hold on? I'm having sex.' She clicked on porn and set the phone next to the computer's speaker. The guy listened for half an hour."
SciFi_Author
HOW?!?!
Season 6 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphy"HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?!?"
"Answer every phone call that way."
RogueNine
Why did I not think of some of these sooner?
Hey Bob
Phone Staring GIF by Robin SchulzGiphy"Bob's orphanage, you make 'em we take 'em."
Spicy_French-Fry
Gotcha!
"Wasting time of scammers? One of the most fun activities to do. Have wasted the time of one guy who wanted to scam me with steam cards and such.. I impersonated a local I know and talked like him, acted like him and mocked the scammer in subtle ways. Was really funny, I streamed that entire sh**show to my friends."
"Me mocking a scammer and giving them useless steam-gift codes, even telling them that they are like any other guy out there trying to scam me and such. It's really hilarious when you think about that me telling to that guy that he is like any other guy who wants to scam me made them trying even harder instead of acknowledging that he was completely played by me the entire time."
"We had five hours pure fun together, the scammer lost five hours of lifetime."
ShadowLemon313
Tricks and Treats
"I once worked for a legitimate call centre where we called people who ticked boxes, on forms and stuff, saying they'd be interested in X product or service. It was a crap job and I got out of it ASAP, but it paid by the hour (not commission). People would hang up, pretend it was the wrong number, pretend not to speak English, and all kinds of stuff (even though I'd be happy to just remove their info if they asked, and I always offered)."
"But when people pulled the whole 'Just wait a minute' trick, and left the phone down, it was a welcome break. I could just doodle pictures, browse the internet, and generally relax, because the system had me down as on a call. And I was still getting paid the same."
"I once spent an hour and a half like that, before the woman picked the phone up, realized I was sill there, asked me what the hell was wrong with me, and hung up. This may well have been a similar thing."
BadgerSituation
You Win!
Winner Celebrate GIF by AwkwafinaGiphy"In your best Announcer's Voice:"
"You've reached KSCM 99.3 The River, you're on the air and you are the seventh caller! Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED???"
Hysterical_Realist
I'm trying all of these. And also... "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!"
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Duh?
GiphyPlay along but pretend to be a total idiot. 'Hmm laptop on...do I need to plug it in first??' Icannotgoforthat
Wasted.
The other day I let the telemarketer get about 2 questions into their script and then I interrupted them and said the following, "wait, hold up. Hold up. Hold on. Wait hold up. Holdupholdupholdupholdup. Wait... hold up. Hold on. Hold up. Hold up, hold up, hold up. Hold on. Hold up. Okay."
Then she hung up, which I'm actually pretty proud of because most of those telemarketer places have rules that keep them from being allowed to hang up unless you threaten or swear at them. Waste my time and I'll waste yours. SloopyDoops
What's your beef?
"Home of the Whopper. What's your beef?"
"Thank you for calling Good Burger. Home of the Good Burger. Can I take ya awder?"
"Trojan condoms. We'll come before you do. Is this for pick up or delivery?"
"Thank you for calling your local scientology volunteer service. You're hired." CrashMcCloud
I don't trust her.
What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada.
I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier. Scaro88
No.... X 10!
GiphyJust answer "no" to whatever they say. My uncle has got spam calls on the phone for over 5 minutes, while just saying "no" to whatever they say. Jaxerfp
FOOL!
"You mortal fool! You dare summon me when I am most powerful?!?!? you must have a death wish and I assure you it will be granted!!!!"
But in the softest voice You can muster. Mental_Plague_Rat
Hey Dayton.
Giphy"Dayton city morgue." Is a favorite of mine, also "Dayton city Insane Asylum, how may I make your day crazier?"
But 90% of my spam calls are robot calls so it hardly works.
Also, I use these when relatives call. It gives them a good laugh. CoffeeCat072083
Shame!
Spam them back. Sell them something ridiculous until the point when they give you their credit card number, but stop and shame them for what they do. Lost_Borealian
Devious...
GiphyI just say in a very robotic voice "Hello, you have reached the customer service line for Johnson's assassinations. For a gunning, press 1, for kidnapping press 2, for a thermonuclear strike on the target's home town press 3. uglyatheist
10/10....
A good friend of mine has my favorite way to do it:
He'd answer, and wait to make sure it was actually a scammer. Then, after about a minute of their pitch, he'd start screaming "OHHHHHHHHH GOD MY BUTHOOOOOOLE. MY DAMN BUTHOOOOOOOOOLE."
10/10 they'd hang up. Fleebledee
Gramps....
My great grandpa was hilarious. He once got a phone call from this man who told him he needed two thousand dollars to open a bank account, and that when it was open he would send him the money. He said he desperately needed the money. So my grandpa takes him on a three hour adventure, during which he fakes himself getting fired, wrecking his car, and eventually getting hit by a car all to mess with a man who tried to scam a sixty year old veteran. It was truly hilarious. the-drunk-potato
Hey Lewis....
Giphy"Homicide"... Michaels speaking. Hold on a second. Lewis.. Lewis! Put a sheet on that body. Ok, what do you want?" Greeblebrox
"What hang up?"
I typically say "I just have this one hangup with (whatever product)."
Typically you'll get a response like "What hang up?"
And that's when I hang up. jonahvsthewhale
It's the small things ya know.
I like pretending I'm old and they damn love it. Cuz they prey on the elderly so it's easy to get them to go along with it. Then just string them along with fake things and every so often yell "Oh no I've pooped my pants!!" It's the small things ya know. medicff
Play Along.
Sometimes I'll just play along, and then when they ask for my credit card info I'll put the phone down for like 10 minutes. If they stay on the line, I'll pick it back up and then give them the wrong credit card number, do it over and over again, and then pretend to get mad at them for making it too difficult. alpengeist19
..............
GiphyActual advice here: take the call but don't say anything, leave them hanging in silence.
After some tries they wont call you back and don't sell your number any further, worked wonders for me! N1kc1
"Bonjour"
Last one I got I simply answered with "Bonjour" and they hung up immediately. SexDeity
I've done a few with the rotating language game. Might need to brush up on a few more languages. Lol it's always risky if it turns out to be a real call. Front_Angle
Sexy Sounds....
I'm a guy. If it's a man on the other line I flirt with them, try to get a date. They hang up.
Well, now, wait a minute.... is that good or bad? Yes, I got them off the phone, but I didn't get the date. llcucf80
Ever took that as measure in your ability to woo a potential mate ?
Did you ask them what they were wearing? cltzzz
Just North of Miami......
I tell them I don't have a credit card, but can mail them cash. That gets them interested so I can waste a lot of their time. I even had a guy give me apparently his home address in West Park, FL (just north of Miami). I contacted the local police there, and they said they were already looking into him. Dry-Report
This only applies for human beings btw.....
If you have time to waste, waste their time: pretend to comply but make up random errors for them to troubleshoot, provide slightly different information every time they ask for it, make them repeat whatever they say as often as possible, tell them to hang on one second and leave them on the line for as long as you wish.
This only applies for human beings btw. If you prove to be difficult enough, they may blacklist you. GonzoRouge
Bot 2 Bot....
GiphyInterestingly most spam calls are just recorded audio. So I fight fire with fire and let my phone's assistant answer. Usually they hang up in a few seconds. I think the robots realize they are talking to each other and hang up. ExpansiveAcorn7
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