Redditor 9_Soldiers_In_A_Bear wanted to hear about the times everyone ruled the clap back.
So they asked:
"What’s the most badass thing you’ve accidentally said in the heat of the moment?"
I have a journal full of... "wish I had said that" moments. I need to be more present.
When in High School...
Criticize Lucille Bluth GIFGiphy"I didn’t realize the nature of my comment when I wrote it... but in high school, one of my teachers did end-of-the-year anonymous evaluations. Everyone hated him, and I understood why but I still did well in his class. I wrote 'I don’t have any critiques about your teaching, but I think you should work on being a better person.'"
hannahicebear
"You feeling froggy?"
"Big burly former marine/mercenary from Iraq was back stateside, huge f**king mountain of a man. We came to face each other in one of the narrow corridors of the office where one of us was gonna have to turn sideways. Neither of us turned, but we stopped. I'm 6'1 260 and he still towered over me. He was a nice guy, but still a little... 'conditioned.''"
"I guess you could say or mentally unhinged. He looked me dead in the eye and said, 'You feeling froggy?' It truly was like something out of a movie. Without blinking I replied, 'You better jump.' We both cracked up and turned sideways, while the office breathed a collective sigh of relief."
jvhero
In Particular
"I am a fourth grade teacher and one day I was up at the board and struggling to remember how to spell a particular word. I was trying to make light of it, telling the kids that sometimes adults need help with spelling too. One student replied, 'It is because you were poorly educated. But don’t worry, we are poorly educated too. Double whammy.'"
LapshuNaUshii
Viability
"At work project management undercut and mismanaged a project so badly. They pushed getting minimum viable product out with the goal to roll out improvements later. Product released, they all patted themselves on the back and moved on. Then that minimum viable product broke."
"In a meeting we had with our directors about how its so broken and the cost to fix it etc (no cost too big, unlimited manpower etc) I asked 'How come we couldn't afford to do it right, but we can afford to do it twice?'"
MikeLanglois
People can be very creative at the comeback.
"wrong"
matthew jump GIF by Married At First Sight AustraliaGiphy"A couple months ago, my (now ex) friend was telling me all the things that were 'wrong' with me, and she finished it with" ...and at least I don't have to wear makeup to look pretty.' I was so fed up with her sh*t, so I responded, 'At least I am capable of looking pretty.' She was speechless and I felt like such a bada** because this was the first time I ever stood up to her."
OliviRamon
Sit Down
"I'll never forget the moment a family walked into the local pub I was working at while I was working. This big king-of-the-grill bald alpha patriarch Dad type and his wife and kids came through, I said 'Welcome, where would you like to sit?' And he snapped back 'Well a table would be nice,' and without missing a beat at all I replied 'actually we usually sit on the chairs here,' I'll never forget the satisfaction of that moment or the look on his face haha."
lugh111
hey ladies...
"My uncles were *itching about my dad so I walked into the conversation and told them it wasn't polite to talk about people behind their backs. My uncle turned to me and said I shouldn't interrupt when the men are speaking and completely out of character I replied 'I don't see any men in here' ... boy did I get some s**t that day but that's how I knew I won that exchange."
kebabish
Damage
"I worked in cellphone sales for a few years and a woman came in with a fairly new flip phone (this was 2018 we just still sold them). She was complaining cause one of the sides of the screen was dangling off and said she didn't do anything it just snapped, and demanded a new phone."
"I told her 'that looks like physical damage and we don't have any coverage for that since you didn't buy a phone protection warranty.' She insisted it wasn't physical damage and the phone just sucks and broke itself. She started freaking out and calling me all kinds of names and swinging her phone in my face."
"And then the top half of the phone LITERALLY snapped off and landed on the counter in front of me. I just looked her in the eyes and said: 'Well that was definitely physical damage.' She lost her sh*t at my comment and it was weirdly satisfying."
fizzywaterisfizzy
Pass
Desus And Mero Pass GIF by Bernie SandersGiphy"I was accused of being passive aggressive. I replied 'Which part sounded passive? I don't ever want to come across as passive.'"
kezopster
And mic dropped.
Do you have any comebacks for the ages? Let us know in the comments below.
Redditor xefarar565 was curious to hear the things people still can't quite get over, leading them to ask:
"What are you STILL salty about?
When The Teacher Was Wrong
"In a 5th grade science test the question was, 'are there any stars in the solar system'."
"I answered, 'yes'.
"Teacher marked it wrong."
"I went up afterwards and said, 'What about the Sun?'"
"He said, he meant that all the other stars are not in our solar system and kept it marked wrong."
"Although I am harboring this for 50 years now, he was all-around one of the best teachers I ever had and just passed away a week or so ago."
"But damn, that should have been marked 'right'."- tres_chill
"On a fourth grade math test we had to make a shape that had only four sides, one set of parallel lines, and only ONE right angle."
"There were probably more requirements but I cant remember."
"I remember almost crying at my desk and spending 20 minutes on that one question while constantly telling my teacher that it wasn't possible but according to her it was."
"And the next day we went over the answer key, and the answer had two right angles."- Gloomy_CowPlant·
"In fourth grade English class (EU) I've used the word 'gross' in a random sentence we had to write."
"The teacher argued that it isn't a real word, I said that it is, that I saw it a few times in video games and movies and she said that they aren't a reliable source."
"I said to her that I'm gonna show it in the dictionary, but she instead grabbed me by the arm and took me out of the classroom and locked the door."
"To this day I am still fuming about this."
"And then she had the nerve to be all chummy when I met her once in a supermarket."
"Gross."
"In both cases it was meant like 'disgusting' and I know there are even more meanings behind the word."
"I wonder if she knows by now."- kuroishi_x
Season 8 Teacher GIF by FriendsGiphyFalsely Convicted
"When I was in high school someone tagged up the school."
"They announced there would be a reward for anyone who rats anyone out."
"I get called in the office and find out I’m suspended for vandalization."
"I didn’t do it and had no idea who."
"4 days later I’m allowed to come back to school because they found who actually did it."
"I just got an apology."- Imlouwhoareyou
When Nobody Believes You
"Me and some others in primary school were saying the biggest numbers we knew of."
"Everybody was saying like 100 thousand and a million and then I'm like 'a trillion'."
"And they refused to believe it was a real number."- Jhyanisawesome
When Parents Don't Believe You
"When I was in high school, I was occasionally allowed to drive my family's third car."
"It had a slow leak in one of the tires, so we were all supposed to check the pressure and put air in it if we needed to."
"I picked up a friend to go to a movie, and when we came out one tire was completely flat."
"It wasn't the one with the leak, so I put the spare on and drove home."
scolding in trouble GIF by Archie ComicsGiphy"I got absolute hell from my parents about it."
"How irresponsible I was to not check it, I'd have to pay for the repair, why didn't I call roadside assistance, etc."
"Took it to get fixed, repeat the whole lecture as we're dropping it off, and the tech who did it called my mom and told her he'd found a nail in the tire and there was no way I could have seen it coming."
"She refused to apologize and I still had to pay for it."- EradiKate
Huge Fee For A Crappy Job
"Being charged $1000 for a battery an alternator change."
"They also destroyed my starter motor in the process and rounded a bunch of my bolts."
"They left tools in the engine bay."
"I don't even have that car anymore and I'm still salty."
"F*ck you Midas!"- funkyjiveturkey
Undervalued At Work
"3 months ago I went on maternity leave."
"The woman hired to cover for me was being paid 3 dollars more than I'm currently paid."
"She was going to be kept on as a full time accounting assistant after I returned, but she couldn't keep up with my daily tasks and completely fucked up several databases that I had to correct when I returned to work the following month."
"When I asked for a raise, they offered me .50 after telling me how crucial I am to the structure of the company."
"Needless to say, I'm looking for a new job."- chumbokosh
Season 3 Nbc GIF by The OfficeGiphyIt sometimes feels like it's impossible to get a bitter taste out of our mouth.
That's when we remember how in every recipe, you'll likely need a little bitterness to offset the sweet, salty and sour.
So, rather than stew in our anger and resentment, maybe take a minute to really think about how we somehow grew from these otherwise awful situations.
So Smooth
Silence Of The Lambs Skin GIF by Death Wish CoffeeGiphy"Preparation H."
"Why don’t you just call it operation butt cream?"
iRan_soFar
Blinders
"Aftermarket headlights that blind all the other drivers."
natasha721
"People were b**ching about retrofit HID 20 years ago, and retrofit Halogen 20 years before that. The 'aren't designed' problem really disappeared with the advent of HID, as they all are properly masked for a high intensity point source."
"The problem, really, is the kind of people who do DIY conversions tend to be the kind of people who don't bother to adjust them, and too many inspections tend to skip verifying headlight adjustment. (In 30+ years of getting probably north of 100 inspections in a half dozen states, I've only seen them checked once -- and that was in an initial inspection on a custom vehicle to get a VIN issued)."
IAmDotorg
Oh Calvin
"Those truck decals of Calvin peeing on something."
Hysterical_Realist
"That's also technically illegal, because they don't have the rights to do that. Watterson didn't give any permission for his Calvin and Hobbes comics to be used as merch."
ameo02
"Exactly. It spreads the idea that he would, so people think Calvin is evil or something. Grr..."
Jabber-Wookie
For when you go...
Toilet Paper Poop GIF by Paper PooGiphy"Survey says! 'Toilet Paper!'"
BonsaiBirder
"That explains the hoarding when covid started!"
escapingdarwin
TP is the lifesaver. That's why people hoard it.
Money Waste
Earth Nft GIF by GIPHY Studios OriginalsGiphy"NFT's. You can't convince me otherwise."
VirieGinny
"I’ve tried to understand it many times and all I get out of it is 'what? I’m paying money for nothing?'"
Perused
Dirty Roll
"Kits that enable coal-rolling."
ArtSpeaker
"Modern diesel trucks produce less particulates than comparable gasoline engines thanks to new technology. Nitrogen oxide output has been reduced by upwards of 95% and 90% for particulate emissions."
"The problem is the chugnuts who tamper with the filters and modify engines to dump sooty emissions. Coal roller clowns make up a very small number of diesel owners. The vast majority of us value a well running clean work truck and consider diesels that have been tampered with to be ruined."
pacingpilot
Sounds Fun?
"Suppositories."
WhereWolfe311
"I was once waiting in line at the pharmacy and the clerk was giving a partially deaf older man a clear bag with suppositories in it and explaining loudly 'Remember, you have to take the plastic shell off before you use it.' You know if they have to tell everyone, multiple people have made that painful mistake."
katlian
Any other colors?
GIF by Late Night with Seth MeyersGiphy"White dodge pickups apparently. They are statistically more likely to be involved in road rage incidents."
Jeramy_Jones
Bad Apparel
"Any store bought MMA apparel. Extra if it happens to be the Affliction brand. Never known a guy to wear Affliction and not be a total tool bag."
Loud_Butterscotch110
"I haven’t seen that as much as I used to. Maybe it’s just that it went out of style. Or it could be that a lot of the people who dressed like that had their clothes taken away by the state, and replaced with orange jumpsuits."
jpterodactyl
"salt life"
"Salt Life sticker."
planetnitsua
"It’s just a fashion brand primarily for fishing enthusiast correct? Why do you think it’s worse than having a sticker for a surfing brand like billabong or skating brand like Vans?"
GDubs_Nole
"Every time I see a car with that sticker I uncontrollably start yelling 'salt life' in the most d**chey way possible. It's just so cringe."
numismatic_nightmare
BOOM
exhaust fail GIF by America's Funniest Home VideosGiphy"Loud exhausts, can hear them crappin' from a mile away."
Poopdog1995
Craps Everywhere
"EXLAX. Back in college 2 guys on our dorm floor took two larger built girls out for dinner at one of the most expensive places around WVU. Guys snuck out and left them owing a huge bill. A couple of weeks later the girls cane to our dorm and had a chocolate cake with chocolate icing for them. ALL made of Exlax. Thank goodness the guys did not share as one of them laid in the floor of the bathroom for about 12 hours or so crying from the pain and embarrassment of crapping all over himself."
Old_ManWithAComputer
Drink Water
"My controversial take: Starbucks! The vast majority of Starbucks are in competition with local coffee shops which act as genuine community centers. For MOST (not all) people that choose to go to such Starbucks instead of the local shop, there is no legitimate reason why."
Creshinibon
Quiet
"Incredibly loud speakers."
bibeingbi
"As someone who was into car audio for 10 years I can provide some context for you, for why some people like incredibly loud speakers."
"Most of those people aren’t a**holes at all, and don’t intend to bother anyone else with their hobby. It’s just an unintended consequence. For these people their happy place is when the music is so loud and bass hitting so hard you can’t hear your own thoughts. It’s like what Dominic said about drag racing. For those ten seconds you’re free. But apply that to loud bass."
Best_Confection_8788
Blown Away
"I was going to say a**hole shaped chocolates but those are from pictures of a**holes. But everyone else already has given the good answered so I'll give two people don't think about, leaf blowers and snow blowers. People love just pushing leaves and snow off their yards/driveways and onto either the road or their neighbors property. Yes I know it makes dealing with yard work take less time but people are assholes and love just making a mess that ends up becoming their neighbors problem."
Inv1sible_Nonja5
How Meta
Shouting The Goldbergs GIF by ABC NetworkGiphy"Alpha males course. You know the guy that do podcasts tell you to buy to become an alpha."
Redfoxaa
Well that quite an eclectic list. So many options, in so many ways...
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