My life of the party people are dead and depressed. Cheers...
Yin & Yang
We Did It Win GIF by HBO MaxGiphy"One’s a doctor, one lives in a towable caravan."
Low_Corner_9061
"There doesn't seem to be a lot of middle ground in this thread."
space_monster
Tabs Up
"Worked at a bar in college, and friends worked at other bars. So I knew a lot of people who drank a lot. Most went on to be in sales or some other job where interpersonal communication skills are more valued than raw academic skills. Some do very well."
AmigoDelDiabla
"Bartended full or part time for 15 years now. It's funny those same people keep coming in to drink, but now it's with coworkers and clients and rack up huge tabs and tip the best."
Minimum_Attitude6707
Drink to the Top
"He drank with the right executives at a conference and got offered a job. He now makes three times what I do."
Moctor_Drignall
"I know someone this happened to as well! Our senior year I think she drunk-tweeted something and a company loved what she tweeted that they offered her a job. We graduated 11 years ago and she still works for them! (Although this kind of goes against the thread because she doesn't drink anywhere near as much anymore since she got married and started a family)."
PAKMan1988
Genius
"Ran into an old friend who was like that. We were in our late 30s when that happened and chatted; turned out he partied hard until late 30s and during that time, flitted around job to job to simply fund his partying. One day he looked around and noticed that he was the old guy at the bars hanging with early 20-somethings."
"He realized that all of the folks our age were ahead in their careers, with family/kids etc. Said that was a pretty sobering revelation and enrolled himself back into school and was in his 2nd year of engineering as he wanted to be an aerospace engineer."
rudebish
The Right Way
golden globes GIFGiphy"He partied with the right guys and now makes very good money in sales where he parties with clients but the company pays for it."
MySonHas2BrokenArms
Sometimes vodka works you all the way to the corner office. I'm on my way...
Never took off...
Drunk Vince Vaughn GIF by HBO MaxGiphy"He decided to do a commercial pilot license. Spent so much money on the training and the partying that his debts overtook him. Here, most airlines don't accept pilot candidates with outstanding debts or criminal records. He never got to fly a plane. He still owes a lot of people small to medium amounts of money. Accepted a menial job writing technical manuals."
Ruggiard
The Mess
"I lived in a house with a bunch of guys. One of them was in electrical engineering. He got a job at Applebees for some extra cash and started having parties with work people after work (so 3-5am). That made it hard to make class so he dropped a semester."
"We all graduated and he said he would refocus on school soon, but he was having too much fun partying. I went back to college 20 years later for a football game. He is still working as a waiter at Applebees. He is the creepy guy who acts like he is best friends a with a bunch of 20 year old kids. He’s a mess."
alpacasarebadsingers
Tragic
"He never stopped. He continued drinking at a crazy pace, and lost his job, his driving license, and his wife. He had to move near to a liquor store to keep drinking. He was found dead on the floor of his apartment from a hemorrhage in his stomach caused by years of alcohol abuse. He bled to death from within. He left behind two sons."
SpaceLaserPilot
'dedicated party house'
"A friend of mine in college pulled a Van wilder, and spent 7 total years in college (just getting his undergrad) because he liked the partying so much. He lived in the college 'dedicated party house' that had just two modes, actively throwing a wild party, or recovering from the latest party."
"What was wild about him was that even though he lived a party lifestyle, he got excellent grades and took phenomenal care of himself (when he wasn't getting black out wasted and having weird sexcapades), and was the person who got me into running/marathoning."
"Eventually, he finally graduated with a degree in Mechanical engineering, moved to the east coast, got married and became a born again Christian. He seems happy and successful and just had his first kid recently, but its absolutely weird seeing him post pictures of him getting adult baptized and doing mission work."
GlastonBerry48
Unrecognizable
Sad Lonely GIF by PokémonGiphy"He overdosed, blacked out and fell off a balcony at a hotel and hit the pavement so hard his mother couldn’t recognize him."
Impressive-Orchid748
The party has to end sometime. When the lights come on... go home. That's clearly a general life lesson as well.
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When I bartended I left every shift with at least one personal eye witness account that I could label... "WTF was that?!" People are nuts, and then you get alcohol involved and suddenly we're living in an episode of "Stranger Things" or "Days of our Lives." People truly tend to forget they are in public after a fews shots.
A Wet Fight
Big Brother Fight GIF by 20th Century Fox Home EntertainmentGiphyA guy who peed himself sitting on a a barstool and then wanted to fight me when I cut him off and wouldn't serve him a new drink.
The Phone Call
I worked on the bar in a restaurant but would sometimes act as the host if things got busy on the floor.
A couple came in once, I sat them down, gave them menus and all that. Not ten minutes in I pick up a call and it's a woman asking to speak to the guy. I politely let him know someone's on the phone and they say it's urgent. He has a quick chat, seems okay and hangs up the phone before going back to the table. 5 minutes later, she calls again, I go over again, apologise and say they seem really concerned.
At this point he's clearly tense and making an effort not to raise his voice. After a few minutes he hangs up, hands the phone back to me and says "if she calls again, just tell her I'm not interested in speaking to her".
Lo and behold, she calls again, and I say exactly what he asked, to which she laughs in kind of a clichè "crazy ex" kind of way, and I kid you not, says "well tell him I hope he doesn't eat too much because when he finds the tires I slashed he'll be walking home, wishing he'd spoken to me" and hangs up.
I went over a minute later and asked what kind of car he had because there was someone double-parked outside and wanted to check it wasn't him. I figured it wasn't worth freaking him out if it was an idle threat. He described the car and said where he'd parked it. I took a cig break and went to check... All 4 tyres were fine, but that poor bugger had not a single window left unsmashed or severely cracked and there were a couple of rocks laying on the ground.
Needless to say, they did not stay to finish their meal.
Say What?
I once witnessed a woman openly fondling herself (dress hiked up, underwear pulled aside) in the middle of a not super busy bar. It was very obvious she wanted people to see. The weird part was, after a bar back yelled at her and told to stop or get out, a guy walked up to the bar back and said "don't talk to my wife like that" This really happened.
I go to Chili's
GiphyCar plowed into the bar I was working in, coming all the way in, and flipping a pool table on its side. Pinned three off duty Applebee's waitresses against the bar. No one was hurt and the woman who was driving tried to order a drink.
I'm Lost
Used to have a regular who sold her time on Backpage. She loved our queso so she always had the guys bring her there. What stuck out was that she always ordered Jagermeister and Diet Coke. In the same glass. I once had to kick her out because she got so wasted she tried performing oral sex under one of our tables. When I could clearly see she lies about what she's doing and says she is looking for something.
See? What did I tell you? You can't make this crap up. Yet half of it sounds like nonsense. Everyone seems to think the bar is like their bedroom or therapists's office. The mentality of like... let me blow off some steam and burn the place down is shocking. Several more barkeeps felt the need to share.
Happy New Year!!
Lots of funny things at new year when everyone is in fancy dress, sad older guys who have drank so much they haven't noticed their wig has slipped. The weirdest is definitely having a mariachi band burst in through the door of the pub, play two songs and leave! Keep in mind this is the UK, it was a dark rainy mid week night. I don't know where they came from or where they went after but while they played they had the attention of everyone in the pub.
Meow Sir...
Movement Thumbs Up GIF by GoNoodleGiphyI once served Catman a Bloody Mary. Dude had body modifications that were hard not to stare at. He was very friendly. He ordered a blue rare steak and returned it for being over cooked. I told him we can't legally feed you anything more raw then a blue rare steak. He hissed and ordered another drink.
Chew Slowly
A heavy set middle eastern man was drinking heavy and got very drunk at my bar. When he went to the restroom his prime rib dinner had arrived. I think he did some drugs in the stall cause when he came back way drunker. He then cut a long big strip of prime rib, about the size of a thick hot dog, then while glaring at me, threw his head back and proceeded to swallow it whole like a baby bird would a worm from its mother.
It of course got stuck in his throat choking him and he passed out and fell on the floor. I/we cleaned out his air passage and gave him CPR. 10 minutes passed and he was still unconscious when the paramedics arrived. He left with a heart beat but died later that night in the hospital.
How WONKY...
nose GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphyHonestly? A fight between someone dressed as SpongeBob and some one as an Umpa Loompa. (Sp) no one was seriously hurt.
The craziest thing I can recall during my tenure behind the wood involved, a homemade carafe of Red Sangria, a pork chop, a seeing eye dog and two, eighty year old men. I'm sworn to secrecy but the local Palm Beach paper may have it archived. If you can't hold your liquor.... STAY HOME!!!
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Oh Jim/Frank.
GiphyI had a friend in high school who got naked every time he got drunk. As soon as Jim was naked we knew the party was over.
Edit: his name was actually frank! Chickiepie
Traffic Issues.
Traffic was stopped after a college basketball game so he decided to get out of his car and chat with a cop who was there keeping an eye on the crowds leaving the arena, she arrested him for DUI. Coogles
Testy Man.
I had a friend who would always pull out his testicles when he got drunk. No penis, just testicles. Sometimes he would attempt to play the piano with one testicle.
It has been about 20 years since I last hung out with him socially, but did this Halloween.
Sure enough as soon as he was wasted- he was necking back $1K bottles of wine he'd brought which added to the weird- he was ALL ABOUT his testicles. Still.
At least he left them in his pants but he spent the whole party chasing after me yelling "Tiny penis... HUGE testicles. Every time! Above average!" He also tried to convince my husband to sell me to him. underpantsbandit
On the Leg.
Drunk friend was relieving himself in a bush. Someone tapped him on the back. He turned round, still continuing to pee, to find himself face to face with a policeman. Poor cop had pee all down his leg, but saw the funny side. jmhorne
Oh Guinness....
GiphyMy friend claims he was abducted by aliens one night on his way home from a local festival.
In reality, he drank way too much Guinness, tried to ride his bicycle home up the steepest hill in town, and blacked out in the process.
It was 5 years ago. We just argued about it, again, this weekend. PM_ME_B00TY_PICZZZ
"bad roommates"
A guy I knew in college came to a Halloween party on roller skates and got absolutely plastered, and proceeded to roller skate up and down the stairs. This ended predictably to everyone but him, and he fell and got hurt. Due to the anesthetic effects of being super-drunk, however, no one realized how badly he was hurt. He passed out in the living room, and proceeded to pee all over the floor in the middle of the night because he couldn't walk to the bathroom. Turns out his leg was broken in 2 places.
I also just mentioned in a "bad roommates" thread about a girl I knew in college who stole someone's cat while drunk and hid it in our campus housing apartment. cactusfairyprincess
Had a friend with a prosthetic leg......
Dumb, but funny. Had a friend with a prosthetic leg, only he never told anyone about it who didn't already know. He always waited until a party was going well into the night and everyone (including himself) was plenty drunk. He'd then produce a large knife and get everyone's attention before plunging the blade into his leg. He'd then throw his head back and scream in (fake) pain.
Often times, people would scream in terror and go running out the front door. Everyone who knew him and were familiar with his antics, would merely roll their eyes and ignore him. It was a funny prank, but a dumb one because sometimes the cops were called and an ambulance would show up. Cops and paramedics were never amused. Everything80sFan
Be Coozie.....
Retrieved a beer coozie that fell in a port-a-Jon.
Ate food out of the trash can with the Constanza excuse that it was "on the top."
Same friend. ill_change_it_later
Need Blankets.
One of my favorite drunk memories was when I was probably 17 and we were drinking in a friend's basement and as everyone was going to bed one of the people there kept complaining about how uncomfortable their blanket was. In the morning we discovered he had been using one of those big rubber bottomed rugs (like the kind you would put in a laundry room or something). He was also literally feet from a stack of blankets. rampantapplejohn
Not Mr. Ed.
GiphyHe punched a horse... a police horse... with the cop still on it... at Mardi Gras in New Orleans. He spent some time in jail for that one. King_Kongs_Left_Nut