Redditor crabpinchingmyanus wanted to hear about the moments when we all begin to fall short of fidelity.
They asked:
"Redditors, where does cheating in a relationship start for you?"
You always know when it's wrong. At least I always did. That's why is called cheating.
Plotting
"The sneaking around. The second you start plotting to do something behind my back. You're violating the trust of the relationship."
Warkitz
Sheila Canning Love GIF by Neighbours (Official TV Show account)GiphyIntent
"Honestly it's about intentions more than anything. If my SO started pursuing someone romantically that's cheating - doesn't matter if it's lovey dovey texting or f**king. If my SO was at a party and a drunk person kissed him suddenly against his wishes, that's not cheating."
"At the end of the day it comes down to them wanting to be with another person and they aren't being honest about it. The polite thing to do, even though it's painful and hard and sad, is to break up. Breaking up is never crappier than cheating."
NowHeres_HumanMusic
Tests
"If you would be unwilling to tell your partner about an interaction, then it's probably time to start thinking about what you're doing."
Teafairy6767
"Yeah I think the two basic litmus tests are..."
"1- Would you tell them/do it in front of them?"
"2- Would you be okay with it if they did the same thing?"
"If the answer is yes to both, it’s probably fine. If it’s no to either, then at minimum you’re on dangerous ground."
audigex
Off Limits
"It depends on what each couple would consider to be off limits. A good guide is if you're doing something you would hide from your partner or wouldn't do it if they were in the room with you, then that's cheating. It can range from having sex with someone else, to simply flirting."
j_neutrus
Omissions
"Lies. It always starts with lies. Be it texts or snaps, if one of us have to lie or hide, it's wrong and should not happen."
notyourusuallady
A Lie Is A LieGiphyIt's always a lie in the beginning. Don't lie... it's a Commandment.
Upon Reflection
"If you wouldn't want your partner to know, it's cheating. I wouldn't flirt with someone else in front of my partner, so I don't flirt with people when he's not around either."
kellogg888
Pondering Anthony Anderson GIF by BETGiphyactions/feelings/thoughts
"As cheesy as it sounds, it starts with your motive, intention, and conscience. I think there's a clear cut difference between physical cheating and mental/emotional cheating, but it all relates to your honest motive, intention, and conscience. For example, there isn't anything inherently wrong with texting with another person if you are married or dating."
"But if you know in your heart that you are texting or engaging in conversation that makes you feel guilty or it would make your partner upset, you may be doing something wrong, even if you technically did not cheat. If at any point you are justifying your actions or defending your actions/feelings/thoughts from a technical perspective, you may be at the start of doing something wrong."
orange_cuse
That's cheating...
"Cheating starts at lying, even by omission. I am okay with private conversations, meeting people she wants to meet, going away on business trips or going out and coming back late at night. But lying to me about it or about what happened? Or simply not telling me something I don't want to hear? That's cheating."
"So..."
"'I will go out tonight, to see people you don't know and talk about things you don't care about': we are in the clear, it is fine."
"'I saw X and Y last night at their place': if I know for sure that it is not true, then there is some cheating involved."
"It only works if you are not a creep, or even jealous. There needs to be mutual trust and respect. When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too."
pleasedontPM
Happy Birthday
"The intent. For me, an ex of mine that would later cheat on me started a tinder profile in which she claimed she "just wanted to find friends" and she certainly found quite a few of them. Obviously, she didn't just want friends. It could be as small as reaching out to an ex to say happy birthday, but most people have the intent to do something well before it is executed."
isnoe
The Grey
"If there’s a grey area, it’s cheating. If you know they will be upset, it’s cheating. If you have to hide it/lie/omit details. It’s cheating."
SufficientBug5598
Jennifer Aniston Friends GIFGiphyThere is never a good reason to cheat. Once you know it's starting... fess up.