The word gay, which was often used to describe moments that were joyous or lighthearted and carefree, has evolved considerably.
In modern usage, the word "gay" colloquially refers to homosexual men, but it can also be used in a demeaning way typically drawn from LGBTQ stereotypes of men behaving or appearing in a flamboyant manner.
Curious to hear how strangers online experienced how the word was used, Redditor Infrared-masochism asked:
"What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been told not to do because it’s 'Gay?'"
Interests in certain hobbies are apparently a dead giveaway of queerness.
Oh, Snap!
"I took up photography a few years back and my friends asked me to photograph their wedding. I did it and even made them a slideshow with nice music because I wanted to try it out. I showed it to them and my buddy said it was gay. He called his own wedding photos gay."
– livinalieontimna
Repeat Offender
"A few things I've been called gay for doing:
- Reading
- Using an umbrella
- Wearing a sweater
- Not knowing how to play any songs by Stevie Ray Vaughn on the guitar at age 15
- Yawning
- 'Wearing a shirt with another man's name on it' (it was a hockey jersey with a player's name on it and I was 12)
Just to name a few off the top of my head!"
– PoisonLenny37
Way With Words
"The funny (not funny) thing too was it was when I was in grade 4 and it was the student teacher who said it. We did an annual trip to a water park in June every year before the end of the school year. I had a broken arm that year so on the way out to the bus I ran back to the room and grabbed a book and as I was walking out he was like 'a book? You're gonna spend the day READING?' and I was like 'well, broken arm, ya know?' And he was like 'pretty gay, dude, pretty gay!'"
– PoisonLenny37
With A Dreamy Far Off Look...
"I didn't know my Dad was your teacher, holy sh*t. Well at least you got it lucky, as someone who still carries around a book with him to this very day, Dad used to call me a gay for reading just about everywhere all the time. 'you're so busy with your face in a book all the time. I'm so disappointed in you, Son. I brought extra condoms down with me because I thought you'd be a chip off the old block taking virginity." - My Dad on the common area at the hotel we were staying at on vacation when I was 13 years old."
– byehavefun
Kitchen Kween
"Cooking. Umm, I have to feed myself and I’d prefer fresh, nutritious meals that don’t require unhealthy takeaway and cost a fortune."
– bruh_wut69
Observing these normal types of behavior had skeptics convinced of their suspicions.
Squeaky Clean
"My Dad used to tell my brothers not to wash thier hair so much.or they would 'turn gay'."
– ineedatinylama
"Real men can fry a steak with the grease in their hair 👌"
– LionToTheSlaughter99
Cat Gender
"I was taken aside by my deeply concerned and shocked friend and was told 'you know that’s a MALE cat you’re stroking?' I was astonished."
– jim_jiminy
The Stigma Of Kindness
"Being kind to others."
"Excuse me, wasn't aware that I had to burp and fart right in your face to state that I'm a straight guy."
– Lumbertech
"I've heard this one many times. Apparently basic human decency is in such short supply these days that the idea that it could come from a straight person is inconceivable."
– thequietthingsthat
Ear Candy
"Literally just happened about 5 minutes ago. Listening to music at work, Cindy Lauper's 'Time After Time' came on. Co-worker walked by and informed me how gay I looked sitting at my desk listening to that song."
– Bypolur
There is a straight way and a gay way to examine your body parts.
Not-So-Cute Cuticle Check
"Apparently I passed a straight guy test (back in the 90s) when I looked at my nails palm up with my fingers curled in vs palm down with my fingers out straight."
– Humble_Nobody2884
"Had a friend who said he had weird bumps coming up on his skin so i suggested he go to the dermatologist. He said only women do that. Alright man, good luck…"
– mrboondoggle
In elementary school, a couple of my classmates asked me to check my shoe because I stepped on gum.
I bent my right leg behind me and looked over my shoulder to inspect the sole of my shoe, which turned out to be devoid of any of the suspected gooey substance.
The two yahoos howled hysterically and said the way I checked my shoe was soooo gay, and that therefore, I must be."
Apparently, straight dudes would inspect the bottom of the shoe by lifting their feet up in front of them and inverting their ankles upward.
Gee... how did they know?
When it comes to gender roles in relationships, our society has a horrible habit of jumping to conclusions about the wants and needs of men and women.
For example, men are so often the notated aggressors or otherwise the buffoons of the story, clumsily chasing women with their pants down and one thing on their mind.
But men are people too—despite their best efforts—and have standards they must adhere to when entering into a relationship.
Redditor SnowyAcid asked:
"Guys of Reddit, what turns you off?"
Here were some of those answers.
Dudes Have Feelings
"Disinterest in my emotional state. Listen, I may not get emotional often, but when I have a moment, don't blow it off like 'you're a dude, get over it.'"
"Thanks for some cool comments and folks engaging this. Important note: this was a take on my past, my Fiancée (GF of four years) does not minimize any of my feelings, and that includes the occasional angry outburst. She is a phenomenal woman"-shock1918
Reciprocation Is Important
"I just went through this after a relationship where I adored the girl with all my heart and it just wasn't reciprocated. If you're not happy, move on."
"Ultimately does it matter if she's not interested or playing a game? If it's not fulfilling your needs and making you happy, find someone who will."
"Unfortunately, at least imo, it's that simple for relationships. If you are spending more time unhappy or wondering if she even feels the same, it's not worth it."-bambles_
Look At The Ducks!
"I have ducks that hang out in a lake near my place."
"I've told five women (on dates) that I frequently take walks around the lake because I love the ducks and the scenery is nice and three of the five said that that 'is weird.' Specifically that I think ducks are neat."
"I'm still confused why it's such a hot topic. Ducks are cool, and chill. Wildlife in general is fun. Isn't it? Am I crazy?"
"To be clear I didn't go on and on about ducks or anything. Just that I enjoy the walks because I like the ducks."-LedgeEndDairy
Yes, in fact, sometimes men do not fit your staunchly depicted gender norms.
In fact, sometimes men DO like to look at the ducks.
Frankenstein's Monster
"Projection and thinking that you can read my thoughts."
"Ask questions, I'm happy to answer, but don't assume you know what Im thinking or why I did something, especially if its based on your experience with a previous partner."-dr_freudenstein
"When a toxic person decides to 'test' you for a reaction like a fucking science experiment and then blow up when the results weren't exactly what they overthought."-MasterCrouton
Ohhhh...THAT'S That Smell...
"I dated someone for a while before we spent a whole week together."
"5 days in and they finally decided to take a shower and didn't brush their teeth until day 6 even with me saying things like 'hey, dinner had a lot of garlic, do you wanna brush your teeth with me?'"
"Also noticed some other odd and disgusting habits of skin and scab picking and eating. No matter how nice they were I couldn't get over the lack of hygiene."
"Hardest break up of my life because how do you tell someone you're really nice but disgusting without hurting them?"-MissChievous8
Grow Up, Please
"Women that act like teenagers. I've met 18 year olds (obviously) that act like kids and I've met 25 year olds that act like kids."
"And no matter how hot they are I'm immediately turned off by it. I don't even really know how to describe it but their immaturity and glaring lack of real world life experiences make them seem annoying and petty."-genio_del_queso
Goodbye, Good Luck
"This will ultimately get buried. I spent 11 years trying to prove to someone that I care/loved them, we split up in 2012, and had 2 children."
"Spent many years coming over to fix things, spent time with the kiddos, played video games with them, and her, bought food, helped with bills, and taking her to the store, I'm ok with all of that, that's how I was raised to be is help others."
"When I needed somewhere to go I stayed with her, that was fine also, the biggest problem I had was, If I came in the door with a smile I was berated with who did you go f**k this morning, or why did you take so long to get here."
"Just in general being told that I'm trying to f**k everything, and have been told at one time I had to look at the floor at the grocery store, she even went as far to tell random women that I wanted their number, and I should go f**k them."
"I think I'm good now as the last straw was I was accused of sleeping with her 18 yo daughter and her 18yo friend that stayed the night, the next day I packed my stuff and just said I can't do this anymore, and left."-CaptainZzZz
Men have a limit, a threshold, feelings, wants and dreams—something we often forget because even men are told to sacrifice these things.
Put Your Garbage IN The Garbage
"Littering. I briefly dated a woman who was drop-dead gorgeous, sexy, fun, sweet, and seemingly smart and level-headed. During a nice evening walk, she was drinking a Coke from a plastic bottle and tossed it into the bushes when done."
"Flabbergasted, I asked her why she did that. She responded that it's OK: there are people who will clean it up. I asked her politely to please pick it up. She protested. I picked it up and took it to a bin that was just up the street, in the direction we were going."
"By this time she was calling me crazy and insisting she didn't do anything wrong. I was having no more of it, took her home, and left."
"She seemed so great in many ways. But this thoughtlessness and refusal to admit her mistake for something we all learn as kids is a bad thing was a deal-breaker. Had she admitted she was wrong and learned from her mistake, we might have had a chance."-BubbhaJebus
Don't Make Me Fight
"Openly flirting with other people. I went on a first date with a younger woman last weekend. She was just clamoring for attention from any place she could get it and made NO attempt to hide it. I lost all interest."
"The most she can ever expect from me is maybe FWB, but I probably won't even do that. It was a huge turnoff."
"Too bad, she's a great looking woman, pretty sharp. Younger, so I'll blame it on that. I'll probably not go out again. I don't need to train a puppy."-PhaedrusHunt
Men Have Agency Too
"Being guilted into sex. It's just expected sometimes that as a male - if someone comes on to you that you'll want to accept their advances. Seems that often times the guilt trip gets thrown at you if you decline even for just not being in the mood."
"From experience this seems super common for women to guilt men when declining sexual advances and it just seems acceptable at this point. If a male did the same to a women you'd never hear the end of it though."-JustLikeJD
Did anything on this list surprise you?
Did any of the things you thought you knew about men and what they wanted out of a relationship just go straight out the window?
People continue to surprise us despite best efforts.
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Getting asked out often comes as a surprise, but it can be even more surprising if the one asking isn't someone you would expect.
Straight guys usually don't expect dating offers from gay or bi guys, so they can often be caught off guard when asked on a date. How they handle this surprise varies wildly between individuals, though.
Reddit user AppropriateAd5471 asked:
"Straight men of reddit, what would you do if a gay/bisexual man asked you out?"
Were You Talking To Me?
Same thing as if a woman asked me out; turn around to see who they were actually talking to
Laugh and ask who set them up
I Ain't That Straight
Well... How good looking is the man asking? Does he look like Rob Beckett or Jason Momoa?
Cause Rob Beckett, it ain't happening, mate, no hard feelings.
But... Momoa? Sh*t, I ain't that straight.
I've always said that I ain't bi but Ryan Reynolds is Ryan Reynolds.
Do You Dabble In Man On Man Activities
Oh my god this happened to my husband last night. He sold a guy a guitar, and completed the transaction in person. Right after the guy left, he texted and said "By any chance, do you ever dabble in man on man activities?". So he just texted the guy back "No" and he was all like "OK, no worries then!".
I think that was the first time a guy ever hit on him/propositioned him. He's 60. I had to chuckle at the phrasing "dabble in man on man activities". Good stuff.
Aww
i'm not gay, but thanks for making my day.
This is the correct response.
Thanks For The Compliment
Politely decline. And be very pleased with the compliment. I am married and have been for decades. But it's always nice to feel attractive. My kink is monogamy so I would turn down anyone that isn't the wife regardless of gender.
Wanna Grab A Beer?
Tell them I'm not gay, but that it'd still be cool to hang out and go for a beer or something. This has worked for me so far.
It's Annoying At Work
This sort of happened to me at work, back when I was an associate at Bed, Bath and Beyond. I was single at the time, a guy begins hitting on me mid-shift as I'm trying to assist him and at some point his flirting becomes more aggressive. I did the thing of politely declining because I needed the job, but I really just wanted to tell him to piss off, as I was busy working.
It never occurred to me this might happen to men. As a woman working in retail it happened a lot
My Girlfriend Would Get Jealous
Had this happen A LOT while in the marines. Always caught me off guard, but I would throw a compliment their way but politely use the line "my girlfriend would get jealous" or just say "I don't swing on that side of the plate". Always left them with a compliment though.
Redditors Recount The Wedding Objections They Witnessed | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
Politely Decline
Politely decline, you never want to make a person (regardless of gender or sexual preference) feel like sh*t for trying to take their shot.
Sometimes gay men don’t take a polite decline for what it is though, and think you’re just playing hard to get, which is a bit annoying.
Sometimes straight men do that with women too, it varies from annoying to terrifying
Consider The Possibilities
About once every two years I see a man I find attractive and wonder what it would be like. Otherwise I don’t think about this
No Thanks
Uber driver did this to me while driving me to an NBA game. I just said no thanks and got out of the car at the end of the ride
Just A Kiss
This happened to me a few years ago, but it was in a gay bar. I said “sorry man, I’m not gay, but you’re hot so thanks for the compliment”. He then said “you don’t have to be gay to get a little tongue action” - so I kissed the man. Can’t say I enjoyed it, the beard was scratchy 😂
No Harm In Some Platonic Cuddling
I'm straight, but I won't say no to dinner and cuddling.
Be Cool
It's actually happened to me, and I politely declined an adorable gay man wearing a tiara. He was struck by how kind I was and thanked me for being "cool." This was 16 years ago or so...
Let's Be Friends
Be flattered. Don’t really get asked out ever as a guy. But I’d decline. Doesn’t mean we couldn’t be friends though.
Just Not Interested In Men
I have been asked out multiple times by gay and bisexual men, and have said I am flattered but not interested in dating men.
Is there an option other than politely declining like a decent human being? I mean, after I get over the shock of someone expressing interest in me.
I Enjoy The Company Of Women
In my past I have politely declined the advance with something my Dad said many years ago: "I'm flattered you feel that way but I enjoy the company of women. But if I ever get my fulfillment of women, I'll give you a call." Was told that it was the nicest put down they had ever heard.
Even if you're 100% not interested in them, it can still feel great to know someone is interested in you. Your best bet is to just politely decline and go on with your day.
Since we grow up in a world where it is assumed that we will be straight, we don't receive a lot of education on the LGBTQ+ community. Most places receive zero education, as decades of homophobia and gay erasure rear their ugly heads even in modern society.
So curiosity from straight people is natural. It's welcome. It only helps break down the walls between our communities.
u/l_a_z_y_b_u_g asked:
Straight people of reddit, what questions do you have for the LGBTQ community?
Here were some of those answers.
The Clever One First
What's on the gay agenda for today?
For the lesbians, today is gardening and obsessing over hot female actresses.
I mean we do that every day but whatever.
After polling my friends the answer seems to be animal crossing
Take Note, Straights!
What are the creepy or offensive things things that well-meaning non-lgbt people say?
The question "so which one is the girl and which one is the guy" is pretty offensive. We are not trying to fit ourselves in a straight mold. Were both girls/ were both guys. It's like the whole point.
Asking whose on top can be pretty intrusive if you don't know them well.
Asking a trans person their birth name or what's in their pants is super rude.
Hetlag
Are there "straight jokes"? Straight people use jokes about being gay all the time, especially guys.
I don't think it's the case for everybody but one of my group of friends is like 80% LGBT+ people and YES. So many jokes and puns about straight/cis people. But none of them are insults and I never heard a violent joke about straight people.
We DEFINILTY have jokes about the straights™ though. Like about heterophobia or straight pride.
This Is A Good Perspective, Listen Up
I'm not straight but I've always wanted to ask a trans person what they mean when they say they "feel like a man/woman". I guess it's probably not entirely tangible but I've always found it intriguing.
Imagine waking up every day of your life feeling like something's wrong. You're perfectly healthy, your life is great, but there's something wrong. You just don't know what.
The feeling gets worse when you look at yourself in a mirror, or see your body. It gets even worse when puberty starts and you watch your body change and you hate it, but you don't know why. There's just something wrong.
The feeling sometimes gets better when you look at people of the opposite sex (for me, girls). Sometimes, it gets worse and you get frustrated for no reason. Maybe you have a crush on one of those girls. Maybe you just want some attention from them. But then, if you had a crush on one of them, there would be some happiness. There just isn't. Never. Your life is great but you're miserable and you can't figure out why.
Then one day a random thought occurs. I wish I were a girl. Then you understand what was wrong with you all your life.
The way I experienced it, it's a mix of discomfort, longing, and envy. I wasn't comfortable with my body (mind you, I had an awful life, which is why I didn't explore these issues until I gained some control over it in my early 20s) because I was male. I was hoping something would change without really knowing what. I envied girls simply for being girls.
This might be controversial, but I wouldn't say I "feel" like a woman. I'm a woman. Just not physically, alas. Even now after successfully transitioning, I'm aware that I'm still biologically male. It still bothers me. But I can live my life as a woman and that's a massive weight off of my shoulders. I can look at my body or into a mirror. I wake up in the morning without that residual feeling that something is wrong. I am no longer miserable.
Identity is a difficult question and everyone has their own perception of it. I don't think you'll ever get a definite answer on your question. The best you can get is a variety of testimonials and personal experiences, few of which you will resonate with.
Moms Trying To Be Better
What do (or did) you need from your mom?
(Mom of a trans teenager. I do my best to support him, and want to learn to do better)
The most important thing is to affirm his identity. Use his new name and pronouns. Making mistakes is okay, but work on it.
Otherwise, help him protect himself. There is a ton of hate directed at transgender teens, and someone of his age isn't going to have the emotional maturity to deal with it all. Whenever someone wants to deny who he is, have his back.
If he hasn't started puberty blockers yet, it's 100% worth it. Puberty blockers now means no mastectomy later. And if he changes his mind later (he probably won't) they're mostly reversible.
It's Common Because Women Are Nice
How come it's common for a gay man to befriend straight women but it's uncommon for a lesbian to befriend straight men?
I'm gay and my sister a lesbian. My female friends have never requested to watch my husband and I have sex. Straight men are always asking my sister if they can watch my sister and her wife have sex. there's your answer.
Your First Gay Movie
I've been fortunate enough to have quite a few close friends who were gay in my lifetime, so I've got no "how do things work" kind of questions that haven't been answered.
However, one of my favorites that I always ask when we're in the process of becoming friends... If you're around my age (mid-30's), and a gay guy, did you first realize you might be gay when watching the volley ball scene in Top Gun? And if not, why are you lying to me about when you first realized you were gay?
I remember a reading an interview with John Cryer about Duckie in Pretty in Pink. And he was saying how people would come up to him and thank him because that's how they realized they were in the closet.
And he said he was kind of shocked because he didn't realize Duckie was closeted, but when he mentioned it to the other cast they all knew.
So, of course, that's when I first realized that Duckie was gay in that movie.
Beep Boop
How does "gaydar" work? How reliable is it?
Gaydar is just that... Recognizing that someone is likely to be LGBTQ. It can be based on any number of things - mannerisms, hair and clothes, subtle references and symbols that might not obvious to people who aren't "in the know," etc.
As to efficacy? Moderate? But there are also some false positives - people who are assumed to be LGBT but aren't.
The Gays. They're Everywhere.
What did you wish you knew as a teenager that you know now?
There are so many more gay people in this world than statistics shows, because may people are either still in the closet or don't come out as gay on any form of census.
Rage Against
As a father of a LGBTQ daughter how do I not rage at people who oppose the fact my daughter exist.
Lesbian here. You can have a little rage. As a treat.
Seriously though this comment made me smile. You seem like a wonderful dad. You don't have to hold in your anger at people who are pissed at your daughter for simply existing. Take the protective father stereotype and use it for good! :)
Transgender Man's Emotional Reaction After Seeing His Chest For The First Time Following Top Surgery Has The Internet Cheering
A transgender man from Australia shared a huge catharsis with the internet following his top surgery.
Sol (@capritran) shared a video of himself immediately post-surgery when he saw his chest for the first time.
"Been waiting for this for a long time?" asks the nurse, as sol gets visibly emotional about the completion of his top surgery.
"I'd like to share my very personal chest reveal moment with the world, to hopefully show that despite the endless negative experiences we trans people have, we also get to experience some of the best feelings in the world. use this video to manifest your own future if you need to."
The biggest thing people took away from this video?
The trans struggle for gender confirmation and the emotions surrounding it are real.
@capritran So happy for you!!! I’ve officially scheduled my surgery for April of this year and I’m still in disbeli… https://t.co/3cT9xYfFy6— Owen Shepard (@Owen Shepard) 1581966344
@capritran I’ve been feeling this way a lot - deep down I know I’m not a girl, but I don’t want to admit it just ye… https://t.co/XDjJgqnYcs— Anna • アンナ (@Anna • アンナ) 1582007000
@capritran I can't imagine how awful it is to see your own body & know it doesn't reflect your identity and the ide… https://t.co/3CJVRMuJNh— beegsf🌊🌊🌊 (@beegsf🌊🌊🌊) 1582133179
@capritran @DamianAsia I didn't draw the scars right, I think, but... thank you for sharing this. I hope I'm there… https://t.co/3vCMyhkLMb— 🏳️⚧️Cake🍰 (@🏳️⚧️Cake🍰) 1582011358
@capritran I don’t know you and I’ve got a LONG way to go before I understand how to be a proper ally but this vide… https://t.co/UVgQMgxRA8— Katie Tunn 🇺🇦 (@Katie Tunn 🇺🇦) 1581974643
Despite the fact that transphobia around the world has skyrocketed, plenty of folks were very supportive.
@capritran @Nefermira This is why I support. You can see the relief in your face. How dare somebody even judge peop… https://t.co/Tc7Djcii8Z— Curry Goat (@Curry Goat) 1581982651
@capritran Thank you so much for sharing this.— Dara Does Deep State (@Dara Does Deep State) 1582123308
@capritran I love seeing these videos. They are so revealing of the actual joy and emotions of my trans sibs. Well… https://t.co/jAsoQ1QQnx— Charlie (@Charlie) 1581960279
The HRC reports that violence against trans people is going strong this year, with a death already reported in 2020, and 26 deaths due to transphobic violence in 2019.
While the numbers sound small, with the tiny size of the openly transgender community, the percentage of deaths makes trans people one of the groups most targeted for murder.
@capritran I’m so happy for you 💙— Ida Skibenes (@Ida Skibenes) 1582024442
@capritran Oh goodness. The visible *Relief* when you look. I'm so, so happy for you!— Perrin Caristi (@Perrin Caristi) 1581960301
@capritran Please, how do you share this to Facebook? Would like to show my son— ankicat (@ankicat) 1581974879
@capritran This is the Type of energy we need in 2020, love that for you!!— tosh 🔜 AC(?) (@tosh 🔜 AC(?)) 1581963993
@capritran This 65-year-old grandma is very happy for you. I am sending you my strength to heal quickly and very be… https://t.co/EhHo1YDH69— Build Back Better (@Build Back Better) 1582034648
Let's hope the 2020s are the years of the trans community quickly becoming more accepted.