When are you gonna lose weight? When are you gonna be happy? When are you gonna find love? All questions I'd love an answer to and questions that are none of your damn business. If I knew the answers... I'd be happy! Now leave me be.
What About 2?
Sassy Red Wine GIF by Married At First SightGiphyThe "Where do you see yourself in 5 Years? " in interviews. I get why it is asked, but crap happens.
A Job Interview...
"So what do you do?"
My wife is very successful and we mostly hang out with her very successful friends and acquaintances. (To be clear, I am not complaining about either of these things. I love my wife and her awesome friends.) But, alas, I am merely a lowly government employee. I dread this question. I have done so many other awesome things in life, but I just never prioritized my career.
One More?
I have two little girls and all I get asked is if we're having another child to try to have a boy 🙄.
I have 3 girls. I think they look similar but apparently strangers think it's ok to ask if they have the same dad.
My girls are older now and I still get the you didn't keep trying for a boy.
So Loud!
"Why are you so quiet?"
Because you're talking about a bunch of stuff I don't know about, things like some reality TV show I have zero intention of watching.
Also, one of you has a habit of interrupting constantly and I'm fed up of never being able to say anything without having that person just jumping in half way through, so it's easier not saying anything.
Or I don't know you well enough to know if I say something you don't like you might hate me forever and get your friends to hate me forever, and I don't know what you do or don't like.
Or I've known you for a while, and know you start shouting at me if I say the wrong thing, and it's easier to not say what you think is the wrong thing if I just don't say anything.
Or maybe we know you're all wrong about something, but I don't know how to point that out without you getting verbally aggressive.
Paley Center No GIF by The Paley Center for MediaSee that? So much time spent asking about nonsense. We can do better people. If you're wondering what an inappropriate question might be, just ask yourself first. How does that feel? Now go...
You're Off...
Smile GIF by MOODMANGiphy"Why are you so weird?"
Oh, I'm weird because I don't fit into your narrow spectrum that you deem to be normal? Screw off.
Height Issues
"Wow you're so tall! You play football/basketball/(any related sport here)?"
No. No I do not. I enjoy gaming/computers, cooking, and drawing.
My sister is very tall, always gets this question, and hates it. Usually it's basketball. She responds that she plays soccer (fútbol for everyone else) and often gets the response of "oh, what a waste". Uh, no? Super tall means big feet too, idiot. But also, anything she enjoys is not a waste.
Why are you alone?
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?" I don't know. Because I'm a loser nobody wants? How the heck do you answer that question?
My answer is always: "my parents in law couldn't have children". Most of the time they will laugh and shrug of the question.
CHOOSE!!
What parent do I prefer. I like them both a lot.
When I was a child and they had me write a paper about a parent or get them to be an emergency contact for a trip I always chose both because I would feel bad choosing. I still do it actually.
Details...
Get Out Ugh GIFGiphy"So... what have you been up to?" You either have to come up with one significant thing that's happened lately, or be responsible for derailing the whole conversation if you say "oh, the usual."
What have we learned? Think before we speak! And maybe it's time to be less concerned about the intricacies in the lives of others. Also job interviews need to be easier. It's a job, not a philosophy test.
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.