It isn't always the case, but for many couples who go on to become married partners, there was a moment when it became clear and obvious that the other was their soulmate.
Like a lightning bolt out of a clear sky, the realization strikes and the truth feels inarguable: that person is who you want to spend your life with.
And while the epiphany is common, the specific circumstances around it are as various as the many couples who experience it.
Some Redditors shared their versions of that story.
For some people, the moment came when they observed their partner demonstrate an act of service.
There was something about the way they couldn't help but act, that their whole essence seemed to become obvious--and something their partner never wanted to let go of.
A Gentle Soul
"We were out swimming at the lake, and there was a ladybug in the water. He carefully picked it up and let it sit on his shoulder until it was dry enough to fly away."
"I've never met anyone who was so gentle with animals - his dog, my parents' diabetic cat who needed shots, friends' cats and dogs."
"We had fish at a restaurant for dinner. Didn't sit well with me and by the time we were back at his apartment my stomach and bowels were raging."
"I was so embarrassed that I was spending half the evening in his bathroom so he told me about the time he accidentally sh** himself at a 7-11. Keeper."
"My then-boyfriend and I had taken my wheelchair bound brother to dinner and a movie. When we got home I went to use the bathroom before going through the routine of getting my brother changed, meds, and into bed."
"I came out of the bathroom to him getting my brother out of the chair and onto the bed to change, all the while hilarious 'messing up' to make my brother laugh hysterically. I came right in to help but boyfriend shooed me away to do it all himself."
"It took triple the time but they were both in stitches, turning a usually admittedly mundane routine into a ton of fun. We'll have been married eleven years on the 22nd of this month."
Just a Look
"I had appendicitis. I had just come round from surgery and my mum, dad and now husband were there. We had been friends for years and had just started seeing each other. Both still very worried in case it went wrong."
"Well I was still groggy from the anaesthetic, but it was a womens only ward so they couldn't stay. But I didn't want him to leave. I was so afraid. No idea why, maybe the drugs idk. The look on his face as they led him out broke my heart."
"That's when I knew that man would always be there for me. I mouthed 'I love you' for the first time as he walked away. Been together 7 years now and married for 4. I love that man."
Other people experienced the epiphany when an interpersonal interaction took on a whole new weight, and they realized this was the person they wanted to always be with.
Time Passing Invisibly
"When our first phone call lasted over 8 hours. We both had so much to share with one another."
"I flew out to see him within a month. I quit my job of 11 years and moved to his city the following month. We have been together almost 9 years now, and he's still my favorite person to talk to."
When Even the Bad is Good
"We were at a low moment. Lots of bickering and stupid fights. I was still making her lunch every morning before she went to grad school, but it was a rough time in our relationship."
"And then I realized I never wanted to be fighting with anyone else. I wanted to work through our problems and spend my life with her. So we did, we've got two kids, and life is really good."
"All relationships have crisis moments. Find someone worth getting through those moments."
Another Side of Her
"My wife is a 'strong independent woman who don't need no man' Which I personally love how she wants to do and think for herself. But this also means she has lots of walls and won't let anyone in and always has to be a badass at all times."
"But in private I can make her blush and smile at will. It's a side of her nobody knows about but me, and I love it."
The Only Place
"My then-girlfriend and I were sitting on the couch one evening just talking. I don't even remember what we were talking about, probably something stupid, but I was struck by the sudden realization that there was no place I'd rather be."
"Just being with her, talking about serious topics or nothing at all, is perfect, and there's no place I'd rather be than with her."
Others, however, pushed back on the prompt.
They explained that, for them, there was no single moment. Rather, there was a slow build until they knew they were with the perfect person.
"I realized I had found my person when I started noticing changes in myself. I was more confident, happy, relaxed, and so on." -- Mamacourtney
"My boyfriend has chronic health problems and thus has a lot of bad mood moments in relation. But other than that? He's constantly happy, smiling, confident, and it makes me happy knowing that I've given him an environment that keeps his constant emotion happiness, with his health sprinkling in the rain cloud moods." -- Tomoyo_in_Transwise
A Partner, In Every Sense of the Word
"I hear this question a lot, and I never have an answer. Because I think one day you just come to the realization that living any part of your life without them would be awful."
"I got married not because I was madly in love but because I wanted her to experience all of life's highs and lows with me. I wanted to watch her succeed and grow as a person. I don't believe in soul mates, but I do believe in making a relationship work because it brings you joy."
For all you single people hankering for this feeling, trust that one day it will come your way. And for all those who have such a moment in their own biography, maybe today's a good day to reminisce about it with your partner.
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When we are on the outside looking in, it can feel so obvious that a relationship is doomed.
When we offer advice to friends, family, or people oversharing at a party, the correct next move often seems wildly obvious: get out of that relationship.
But it's much different when you are the one in the relationship. Time already invested, love once shared, and logistical factors all contribute to a kind of cloud that sways our judgment of the situation.
And yet, if and when the relationship does end, we look back and feel the same clarity that all of our friends once advised from. We can see that we stayed far longer than we should have.
Ideally, witnessing the dynamics helps us practice more clarity in the future. But to be honest, we always hope no more of our relationships will wither again.
Some Redditors offered their own experiences.
mrwednesday33 asked, "People who have stayed with someone they no longer love, what's your story?"
A handful of Redditors had nothing to regret. A dangerous or concerning situation forced their hand. The safety of themselves and others was the driving force behind the decision to stay.
Although it was upsetting to stick around, it would be difficult to imagine handling the situation any other way.
Enough Was Enough
"He was mentally ill, possibly with Paranoid Personality Disorder, definitely delusional, maybe schizophrenic. I was accused of all types of things, affairs, being part of plots to 'get' him, even urinating on his toothbrush."
"I stayed for 3 years after I knew I no longer loved him because I knew he would spiral without someone to look after him. He had destroyed every relationship with his friends and family because they were all also out to 'get' him."
"I finally told him I would only stay if he got help, which he refused. So I left."
"I was right about him spiralling. He went from sharehouse to sharehouse as all the other tenants were 'out to get him'. He eventually ended up homeless for a while is now facing 18 different charges so will probably end up in jail."
An Unfortunately Common Response to Fading Love
"She threatened to kill herself and even though I wanted out of the relationship, i didnt want her to be hurt or die. I remember us arguing about something very trivial but she was getting very upset. She walked out mid conversation and came back with cuts all over her legs and thighs."
"I tried getting help from parents, school counselors, doctors. None helped. So i just tried to manage as much as I can. Eventually she joined the military & moved away and that was the moment I was finally free."
"Years wasted though."
A Bare Bones Story
"Short version: domestic violence."
"Long version: I was afraid to leave because I believed he would find me and kill me."
"Conclusion: He pushed me too far and I ran."
Tipping Over the Edge
"He was a violent drug addict and I was scared of what he may do if I left. I never truly loved him but our relationship became very codependent very quickly."
"He cheated on me, took advantage of the fact that I had a car and money, but I still stayed because he was always threatening to kill himself or to kill my cats."
"Then one night he literally backed me into a corner and tried to punch me in the head so that finally made me open my eyes and realize I had to get out."
For others, the pull to stay in the relationship felt just as intense, but not nearly as physical.
In these cases, a social dynamic or deep emotional complication was at the heart of the choice to remain in a relationship that was doomed to fail.
"She's terminally ill, and dying of Cancer, even though she is abusive now, and was before, I can't really leave, the social pressure to be a *good man* plus the cost of divorce and everything else is just too much, at this point it's just easier to wait it out."
"Plus I really like her family, and if I left her when she was sick...it would pretty much kill that relationship."
"I proposed to my ex in august 2020. A month later everything started to become pretty awful. A lot of mental abuse and fights, that would make everything chaotic, if we stayed together."
"She and her family think they're something special, while everyone knew they're nothing. She tried to convince me to stay together, but I told her, that it was either now or in 1-5-10 years, where kids etc. Are involved. Big no go."
"Here almost three months later I feel way better and don't have as many headaches as earlier."
"This isn't mine but my friends mom stayed with her husband because he has MS and no one else to care for him."
"He got diagnosed right before she was going to leave him but after finding out she stayed."
Avoiding Something Worse
"Bad situation at home. Stayed with a BF I wasn't in love with for 2.5 years just so I had a safe place to live. Stopped having sex many times, the last time it was 6 months."
"He let me stay with him because he didn't want to sent me back to my home life. I finally left him last month and just dealing with my home life anyway."
Always a Reason to Stay
"We were living together at 16, she cheated on me and I told her I wanted her to leave, she begged me not to send her back to her moms house because they have like 8 people in a 2 bedroom house and because she would've had nowhere else to go."
"I was 16 I didn't know how to handle a girl literally begging me so I let her stay against my better judgement and it created a hurtful cycle of falling in and out of love."
"Feeling like things could get better and then having my world come crashing down every time I look at her because I think of reading the message of the guy saying he loved watching her get on top of him."
"A couple of years go by and we're not in love, just tolerating each other at this point and then we got pregnant, stayed together through the pregnancy but the stress was too much for both of us and caused fighting, sleeping apart, more cheating."
"When the baby was born she had finally turned 18 and we moved away our relationship got much better with each other, we're best friends now and are just trying our best to raise our daughter to be healthy and happy and know she's loved."
"Neither of us had good childhoods."
For the In-Laws
"I lived with a man I never loved. His mum was also living with us and I loved her more than my own biological mum."
"She was the nicest, kindest and the most caring soul I have ever met in my life. I left that man when he told me that he knew I was only with him because of his mum. That was 20 years ago but I still miss her every single day."
And some people stayed because it was the simplest thing to do. They swallowed a lack of passionate love in exchange for the daily comforts of a well-kept home with a familiar person.
That is, until playing house became unsustainable.
A Sudden Shift
"I was with my wife for 14 years. For at least half of that, I wasn't happy with the relationship. But I had decided I was ok with it because everything about our life together was acceptable, for lack of a better word."
"We owned a house, made good money, got along well, shared hobbies, etc. We were basically roommates/best friends who just didn't love each other the way you would normally expect from a married couple."
"When the pandemic hit, and we were forced to stay home more and spend time with each other EVERY DAY, we started to get a better sense of how well we actually tolerated each other. It didn't go well."
"She ended up getting really into online gaming and met some other guys and basically cheated on me. In retrospect, it was obvious it would reach that point."
"But I was content to stay there as long as I could because it was a comfortable life with very little stress and obligation."
"I was no longer as 'in love' with her. But I still loved her. After years together it could become tricky to figure out exactly what It's just a lull and what is it really going away."
"I was still living with my best friend. But ended it because once we really realized that I wasn't feeling the same way anymore. I was just hurting her for me to stay since she was still in love."
"Dated an ex for ~3.5 years, the last couple of months I stayed with her because I was comfortable and the sex was great. I think a big reason why people stay with ex's is because of comfort as starting new relationships isn't exactly easy. I found her to be very dishonest, unreliable, and extremely selfish."
"I caught her texting another guy and I caught her lying to me while hanging out with another guy. I would have left her right then and there but we had a non refundable cruise booked so I stuck around."
"Knowing that I was leaving her was a big weight off of my shoulders and I met someone else that I started talking to."
Just Humming Along
"Kid, career, looking up one day and realizing that there are parts to your life you recognize, but most of it doesn't. Then you begin to realize what you've accepted in place of facing the truth."
"One compromise becomes always compromising, and you realize your the doormat. Double standards you 'overlooked' to keep the peace are now the foundation of your relationship. All the small foibles you forgave because 'it's not worth getting into it over' now crowd you out."
"It's the stark realization that all the times you bit your tongue has led to a situation where you're just not happy, and you know the next step is just going to suck."
"Or as I call it, Monday."
Wise, But a Little Sad
"We have good chemistry and built a life together. After a lot of years, love comes and goes. It is like the seasons."
"As cold as it can be in the winter, if you put the effort in, the spring will always come back."
"Fear. I realised three months into my first real relationship that not only was this a bad idea, I was probably asexual."
"But I was already too afraid to leave, and stayed for four years, until I managed to leave him by moving a long way away where he couldn't find me."
Here's hoping that the relationships of all reading this are full of passionate intensity and presence of mind. But we know that's not true.
Somewhere, love is dying in a relationship. In which case, hopefully, both partners carry the strength to move on as soon as the time is right.
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As a married woman, I learn more and more every day what it means to be in a romantic relationship. It is a constant learning experience, and even now, four years into being together, we still are learning more and more about each other.
This isn't just our relationship. In fact, this is a universal trend in all relationships. Most mistakes that we worry are specific to our relationship are actually common to every marriage or partnership. We've all been through it, man!
Here are a few examples, courtesy of Reddit.
Some things may seem ridiculously obvious to a single person, but once you’re in the thick of it, it becomes a little harder to catch.
Disagreements happen. It’s better to face them head-on.
Trying too hard to avoid potential arguments to avoid conflict rather than hashing it out before the issue becomes too big to handle.
We both learned that love is love no matter what and any disagreements we can talk about and we may feel sad or hurt or upset but we never yell at each other, we simply talk it through and if it's something we both disagree on, we compromise. We have both had our small moody feelings but we always talk things through and so long as we stay true to each other I believe it will last forever.
I learned that when two people love each other so much, they will work together and be devoted to each other no matter what. And we have a strong relationship that I believe will last forever.
Never ignore your problems!GIF by In The Heights MovieGiphy
The most common mistakes that couples make are not actively listening to one another, taking their partner for granted, and pushing aside problems because they don't want to cause an argument.
You got to work together to solve issues that come up, you can't just ignore them. That's how people end up leaving or cheating.
Communication is key!
Not being able to communicate. You need to be able to voice when you are hurt without them taking it as an attack. You need to be able to hear your partner.
Should you waste your life with a partner who has no interest in self development and learning to communicate? Probably not. Should you discuss this with your SO who has poor communication skills and create a plan to work together and improve communication? Yes!
People go into relationships thinking love is a certain way. But almost always, it’s the exact opposite of what you expect. It’s not like the movies, babies.
Married life in a nutshell.
That love is a feeling. You can "fall" in love with someone but it's more of a choice to be deeply connected with this one person. Over time you constantly choose to love them through the good and the bad. If you base your entire relationship on how love is a feeling, you're most likely going to "fall out of love" with them.
DON’T do this.will ferrell elf GIFGiphy
Labeling your partner the source of all your happiness and joy.
100% this. I know the phrase "how can you be happy with someone else if you're not happy alone" has become hated because some people feel like it's saying "people with depression should never be in a relationship" but it's not really about that. As someone who has been put in the position of "someone's entire happiness and joy" it is extremely stressful. Because the flipside ends up being "I'm unhappy - how can my partner fix it??" even if it's not a conscious or intentional thing.
All of this.
Getting into a relationship too fast and not getting out of the relationship fast enough (especially prior to marriage).
When you're not in an official relationship with someone yet, it's pretty easy to walk away if you see problems. But once you're officially in a relationship with someone, you're more invested in them, and you're less likely to walk away when you see problems. So it's important to spend significant time getting to know someone before you start doing things that make you feel more reluctant to walk away (whether that be kissing them, calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend, or whatever), so that you will filter out more of the bad potential partners before they become actual partners and waste more of your time causing you more pain.
Once you're already in the relationship, it's important to communicate - to express your needs clearly and assess your partner's needs with empathy and care. And if you've expressed your needs clearly but your partner still does not meet them, then it's important to end the relationship. Hanging around hoping something will suddenly change somehow is wasting your time and also wasting your partner's time. It's a kindness to both of you if you just explain that since your needs still have not been met, you're leaving now.
There are at least three basic stages of a relationship. The first stage is when it's not officially a relationship yet. Use this stage to filter out as many bad partners as you can before you get too invested. Think of as many relationship pitfalls as you can, and ask questions to try to determine in advance whether each potential partner is likely to be able to overcome them with you or not.
The second stage is when you're boyfriends/girlfriends/etc. but not married yet. At this point you've progressed from asking questions and getting to know one another to actually trying to be one another's primary supports in meeting the daily challenges of everyday life together.
The biggest question to keep in mind at this point is, "Does this person make my life better, and do I make theirs better?" Does this person help you solve problems, relieve some of your burdens, introduce you to new and interesting ideas, listen and make you feel understood, relate and make you feel less alone - and do you do the same for them? Are you happier when they're around, or does being around them exhaust you - and do you think they're happier or more exhausted when you're around? If you were suddenly sick or injured in some new way and you needed help, could you rely on them to take care of you to about the same degree that you would take care of them? When you need something from them or they need something from you, can you each typically get what you need from each other, or does the conversation become strained or awkward because one of you is less able or less willing to meet the other's needs?
In this stage, the possibility should never be far from your mind that maybe this person might turn out to just not be the right person for you to be with at all - because if you find that you're not making each other's lives better, and some conversations about how to try to fix that don't seem to be actually fixing it, then the best thing for both of you is to end the relationship as soon as possible so you can both avoid wasting any more of your time with each other.
The third stage is when you're married. At this point you should already have become very confident that you're both basically reasonable people because you should already have demonstrated considerable ability to get along well and help one another surmount problems in the past. '
So, when life continues to present new challenges, you should have some confidence that even if those challenges do lead to some arguments, those arguments are not reason to doubt whether your spouse is a basically reasonable person or not. You should already be convinced that they are a basically reasonable person. You should already have a substantial history with them that proves you are compatible in a wide variety of ways. So even if the two of you change over time in ways that alter your compatibility somewhat, there should still be enough common ground left that it generally behooves you to work through the problems.
During this stage, even if interacting with your spouse does currently make you feel more exhausted and less happy, your spouse still deserves credit for having made you happier and less exhausted in previous years. As long as your spouse isn't physically, verbally, or financially abusing you they should be allowed plenty of leeway to borrow against that credit. People with a history of being really good for you have a right to go through hard times and be depressed and need your support. They supported you, so you should support them too.
And if you're both going through separate hard times at the same time, so you need their support but you're not getting it? Try to be as forgiving as you can, because hopefully you wouldn't have married them if they weren't a basically good person who has proven that they can and do support you quite a lot most of the time. Maybe they just need space to fail for a little while, and then they can get back on track. But also, do express your own needs - gently but clearly - so they know what's going on with you and can make the best effort they can at the moment. Don't expect them to read your mind.
Assuming your partner should know what you want if they love you. I struggled early in our marriage because the women in my wife's family are big on this. We worked on it and it took a bit, but we got to the point where we would only hold each other accountable to expressed words and thoughts. It has made all the difference in the world and 27 years of marriage have been mostly happy. Also, comparisons. Never say "Well my last SO did this" or " My family always did it another way". Good way to alienate a partner.
For the love of God, never be petty in your relationship. The two (or more) of you are stronger than that, so just don’t do it!
It will NEVER be even.Shade Reaction GIF by BounceGiphy
"I did the dishes three times two weeks ago, you only did them once last week."
"You got a new video game this month, why didn't I get something?"
It's never going to be completely even, things ebb and flow. Both side should feel like they're getting a fair shake overall but if you keep track of every little thing (even if it's just in your head, I don't necessarily mean like an actual list) it's just going to guarantee that somebody is always "losing". It's not a competition.
Love’s not a game.
Treating dating as a game you're supposed to win instead of playing just for fun of it.
Or even worse, treating any communication as something you're supposed to win, instead of using it to find a solution to a problem.
Such good advice.
I've always heard "Don't go to bed angry". Don't take that advice. Most times, you're both tired and it's late. Sleep on it and continue the conversation the next day.
Don't keep score.
Accept/admit when you've screwed up and move on.
As a married woman, all of the advice presented in this thread are gold. My own advice would be to never suppress feelings for the sake of your partner. Being 100% honest with your partner will encourage them to be open with you as well, and you'll be able to resolve arguments way easier.
That's relationships for you. This isn't a Disney movie--this is real life. And snags are going to happen from time to time. But the way you and your partner(s) handle it is entirely indicative of how your relationship operates
A recent Reddit thread shed some light on the overwhelming benefits of being single.
Sure, finding a soulmate is wonderful; there are few things greater than true, generative love with another person. But let's face it, that's not always what a relationship actually looks like.
Rather, many relationships are fraught with stress, communication breakdowns, and reciprocal guilt. That can be a lot to carry.
And then there are the logistics. Having a partner means scheduling, pooling resources, and delegating emotions.
Some solo Redditors weighed in to celebrate their current individual status.
lifeasaten asked, "What is a reason you are glad to be single?"
A Mind At Ease
"On a day to day basis, I struggle less with feelings of guilt."
"There are things one misses out on by not being in a relationship, but not beating yourself up over a snappish reply or a thoughtless gesture towards someone you care about are not among them."
"I'm not a huge fan of the single life but in the past when I've been in a relationship, I always felt like I needed to check my phone 24/7."
"I like being able to just chill and play video games, watch a movie, hang with friends without checking my phone consistently."
One Thing at a Time
"I'm learning to navigate the world through the lens of my own needs and desires without worrying how I'm being perceived by a partner."
"I do not believe I will be a good person to be in a relationship until I can do that- so I'm happy to struggle with it."
"Also I really love dancing poorly to LCD sound system while my dog watches with fear and judgement in his eyes. Not that I couldn't do that before... it's just so free to do it in my own apartment alone."
Be Sure to Be Ready
"A lot of people I know who've ruined their lives did so over a lover."
"Whether trying to get one, keep them, or fighting someone else over them, relationships can be very dangerous if you're too emotionally immature."
Tis the Season for Stress
"Christmas is coming and I have no stress and it's not expensive" -- YourWifeNdKids
"Agreed. On top of loving that I can live alone, I just bought a house that needs furnished. So aside from the parents/siblings secret Santa, my money is mine to buy what I need and also share what I don't for a good cause."
"Donating to my local animal shelter this year." -- Kharyian
Plenty to Like
"I'm naturally very empathetic and a people pleaser. It's a part of my brain that goes into hyperdrive when I'm with someone I like. It's not even conscious most of the time, but it can be exhausting."
"It's nice that my brain can turn that part off when I'm alone."
"Also I can wake up and go to sleep at any time I want without messing up my SO's sleeping patterns. And middle of the bed!"
"And not needing to check in with his plans."
"I can sleep in the middle of the bed with the fan on if I want. I can also leave something on the table and come back two weeks later and it is still there." -- GoatSculpture
"Conversely, I can clean off a table and two hours later it's still clean." -- my_meat_is_grass_fed
"Midnight flatulence without a care." -- MeanMrMaxwell
The Un-Obligated Social Life
"No longer being forced to hangout with their friends." -- Rude_Attorney_9428
"Especially when the friends are one-dimensional pretentious turnips" -- goldenloxe
"In a relationship and the worst is having to meet their friends boyfriends. Absolute lottery of whether they're going to be boring or weird and you're stuck with them for hours." -- bwfcphil1
What You Need, When You Need To
"I visited a friend in Nashville back at the beginning of the year. I'd been there for all of four hours when this little voice in my head went, 'You belong here.' So I'm moving there next summer."
"Probably wouldn't be able to do that if I wasn't single."
A Clearer Mind to Work With
"I'm glad to be single because I'm learning self-love peacefully. Being in a relationship while working on my self-worth definitely helps open parts of me that need work but also causes a lot of stress."
"Healing isn't easy but I'd rather do it where I don't have extra obstacles!"
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Relationships come in a so many different forms and shapes. That is no surprise.
After all, a relationship is the combination of two complex, fully-formed human beings that have enough in common to invest in moving through life as a pair.
All that complexity, though, means things will absolutely NOT be smooth sailing all the time.
So some couples out there have devised ways to keep things strong and committed in the face of those inevitable hangups—a lovable law and order of sorts.
Some Redditors gathered to share the unwritten relationship rules to live by.
"If the cat is on your lap, you can ask your partner to do or get stuff for you, no questions asked." -- TheDanishThede
"We call this 'cat paralysis.' " -- ellenasophia
"We call this being encatted. The ask for a cup of tea or something usually goes a along with a helpless sweeping arm gesture that says, 'I'm clearly in a predicament here.' " -- gdytdjgsrws
"That we will always try our best not to project our own bad feelings onto each other. Instead, to ask directly if we need something."
"Had a bad day at work and I'm feeling depressed and I would really like a long hug and for her to tell me how she loves me? But she's not a mind reader and she might be occupied with some other stuff."
"So instead of sulking for hours and then, later on, when she asks me what's wrong, saying something to the effect 'I had a really shi**y day and all I needed was a hug, but you never have time for me,' I'd just say it directly when I come home - 'I had a really shi**y day today and I need a hug. And I want you to tell me that you love me.' "
"And then, in 95% of cases, we will be able to give each other what we need without having to read each others minds."
"It takes a surprising amount of balls to get started, but once you make a habit out of stating your emotional needs honestly and directly, it makes life so much simpler."
Not Taken for Granted
"We always take a moment to thank each other for providing the meals. If my wife cooks for the family, after we are done eating we all thank her for her efforts. Same goes if I cook, or even if one of us pays at a restaurant or takeout."
"It's simple and means a lot."
A Daily Anchor
"Always come to the door to welcome the other with a kiss and a huge hug when he or I get home at the end of the day. Been doing that for 10 years and it keeps very much the love alive :)" -- CamLesky
"For their entire 32 years of marriage my dad has always kissed my mom when he comes home from work. In the early 2000s he was working from home, and he would still do it at the end of the work day."
"And he still does it now even though he's been WFH since March." -- McIgglyTuffMuffin
"If I'm being an a**hole and my husband suggests that low blood sugar might be a contributing factor and asks me to have a snack before continuing to argue, I'm not allowed to get mad."
"Sometimes I still get a little mad because I'm not totally in control of my hanger, but I always apologize once the food hits my brain."
The Nether Regions of the House
"We have a downstairs bathroom that we refer to as his 'office.' It is strictly for #2 as the main bathroom of our home is attached to our bedroom. When someone goes to the office, the other does not go downstairs so they can have their privacy." -- Anxiety-Aficionado
"Dude...sounds like your guys just need to eat more fibre." -- [deleted]
"Once a day we hug for 30 seconds. Just a big old squeezy hug. No talking. Nothing else. Just a big hug." -- Valkerian
"This is so lovely. I think I'll borrow it" -- peepeeface69
"Omg my family does that to me. The ones that understand me the best, especially. Big squeezy hugs no questions asked are the BEST. I call them the Rebooters." -- MMXXfan
Simple, and Pivotal
"Don't touch her feet, don't look at her feet, don't acknowledge her feet exist. She hates the idea of feet." -- Nelik1
"What if you needed to draw attention to her feet without saying anything?"
"Leg bottoms ? You have a wasp on your leg bottoms?" -- Jerkin-my-gherkin
"We don't shout at each other, no matter how angry we get - Mrs R grew up in a house with an angry violent dad, and no matter how pissed off I am, I'm never going to cause her to relive that part of her childhood." -- rehgaraf
"Bless. Most of my memories of my dad are of him screaming at my mom or us kids. My SO knows all of the details and has never raised his voice to me in anger. It's a surefire way to shut me down entirely and he refuses to do that to me."
"Grateful for gentle souls like yours and his." -- happy_dance
Spark Joy Repeatedly
"Say I Love You CONSTANTLY, like dozens of times a day. Whenever we're going to sleep, or one of us leaves the house without the other, always have it be the last thing we say, even if we're pissed off or in a cranky mood."
"Also, don't get weird about little things, like the fact that they talk to their appliances like friends, or get excited about free toys at the supermarket (looking at you, Ooshies)."
"It's cute and adorable, and we just appreciate the other for the kid-at-heart that they are, that can find joy in the everyday. Just laugh and tell them you think they're adorable and hilarious. Make eye contact as you both laugh."
"It's the little things that bond you."
Transparency Without Pressure
"If either of us want to have sex, we state it plainly. (Dirty talk is still fine.)"
"If the other person isn't in the mood, the subject is dropped and no one gets mad."
"If you weren't in the mood recently, you make an effort to have sex soon to make up for it."
"If that still doesn't happen, you apologize, acknowledge their feelings/needs, and make a point of banging."
"No one ever feels sexually obligated or ignored. It works for us."
A Team Battle
"When the wife's at game, husband stays away (she used a mic and I don't want to embarrass her during League matches)."
"I don't game myself (I play Pokemon casually, and some phone games), but it's important to her, and I support her whenever I can!"
Ticking All the Boxes
"He picks up the dog poop and acts like he's still under a stay-at-home order. (My immune system sucks)"
"I do dishes and make coffee, and deliver his coffee downstairs to his office every day."
"He gets rid of the spiders, I get rid of the bees and wasps."
"He doesn't bi*** to me about my cancer diagnosis, and I don't make morbid jokes about it to him. That's what our respective groups of friends are for."
"We use please, thank you, excuse me, I love you, and sorry whenever they're needed."
The Host and the Guest
"Whenever we cook for each other, we always make it more convenient for the other. If we only have one nice plate left, the person that cooked will eat off the lesser fancy."
"If we only have one soup spoon, the other will use a regular spoon. If one chicken breast doesn't look so pretty, the person that cooked will give the other the nicer one. It's really sweet."
"We never talk about it or acknowledge it besides a simple, 'thank you,' but I've noticed that we both do it without fail. Love him to pieces."
Keep It Clean
"Oral sex does not happen unless you have recently had a shower." -- bears-bub
"That's why we do it in the shower" -- maltymawma
"If one of you runs out of TP and yells out, the other has to drop what they're doing and come to the rescue."
"Comin into the bathroom while your in there is ok as long as it's #1 but NOT #2. Also, if in the act of the latter and they barge in you have to announce in some way('don't come in here!')"
"Whoever lays in bed first gets 'tucked' in" -- bangersnmash13
"Whoever gets out of bed last, makes it." -- obscureferences
"Hah that's adorable" -- XxOlive