Partner Pet Peeves: What Drives People Crazy in Relationships
Reddit user ExistingAI4149 asked: 'What are some pet peeves you've experienced with a partner?'
A pet peeve is defined as something a person finds especially annoying.
These tend to vary from person to person which makes them a frequent issue in relationships. From small habits to major personality traits, it's hard to know what will set someone else off.
A partner's interesting quirks or routine habits might inadvertently get on their significant others last nerve.
Reddit user ExistingAI4149 asked:
"What are some pet peeves you've experienced with a partner?"
Sleep Deprived
"Had an ex that always woke me up to cuddle/kiss before he left for the day even after I had asked him a couple times to please let me sleep."
"Maybe that sounds cold, but If I'm deeply asleep and you wake up for work hours before I have to, you should let me sleep."
"A quick kiss would be one thing but he would legit start spooning me and stroking my hair, rubbing my back etc... which always woke me up and I wanted to sleep, not have a full cuddle sesh."
~ nancycat92
Too Tired To Bend Over?
"When he takes a shower before going to bed, he leaves his clothes on the bathroom floor, even if the laundy basket is right there."
"Instead he puts them in the basket the next morning."
"I cannot for the life of me understand this, but whatever."
~ 029384756
Waste Not, Want Not
"I hate unnecessary waste."
"My partner has a habit of doing things like...leaving bread and chip bags open so they get stale."
"Opening a can of seltzer and taking one sip and then I find it the next day still mostly full and flat."
"Leaving the cap off the toothpaste so it gets dry."
"Throwing things away before I've used the last bit."
"Drives me nuts."
~ autumn_bonfire
Social Media
"Having to sit next to them in the evening while they watch TikTok for hours instead of spending time together or paying attention to a movie or show."
~ waffler71
Say What You Want
"Lack of communication."
"Literally everyone says they value communication but I've only had a few partners who actually did so. Most people say they do, but the extent that they actually value good communication is mundane stuff like discussing where to get dinner."
"When deeper emotions and/or conflicts need to be discussed, most people go tell everybody else besides their partner and that doesn't sit well with me."
~ Secret-Ad3715
TP Turmoil
"She used a lot of toilet paper, and when we started to run low, she wouldn't buy more. She'd wait until we were out, and then she'd flip out and throw a tantrum when she went to the bathroom and we were out."
"So I started keeping a reserve supply so that the next time this happened I wouldn't need to yet again rush to the store to save the situation."
"When it inevitably happened and I proudly presented a fresh roll she flipped out at me for keeping my reserve stash a secret."
~ Stargazer5781
Ssssshhhh! 🤫🤐
"When we're watching something she is interested in, the phone will be down, and there will be silence with the exception of the occasional comment or question about what we are watching."
"If it's something only I am interested in then it's time to talk about her day, or something she saw on the look of faces, to the point where I'll pause what we're watching so I can concentrate on her at which point I'll get, 'Do you want me to stop talking?'."
"Well, yes, but I'm not about to tell her that..."
~ Zombie_Jesus_83
Bright Idea
"Can you please turn a light switch back off once in awhile?"
~ ExerciseAshamed208
Not The Word You're Looking For
"She will say 'kick your a**hole' instead of 'kick your a**' when trying to threaten someone."
~ Craigothy-YeOldeLord
Brown Sugar
"Using the same teaspoon when making a cup of coffee, then putting the instant coffee granules covered spoon in the sugar jar."
~ Ok_Astronaut7075
Attention Span
"She wants to watch a show or movie and gets up every 3 f*cking minutes and leaves the room."
"Trying to show her something and say 'WATCH THIS' and she gets distracted within like 10 seconds."
~ PlainOGolfer
Eternal Critic
"Sh*tting on music or TV that I like."
"YOU don’t have to like it, but it’s really a bummer when I’m trying to enjoy something and you just won’t stop talking about how stupid you think it is."
~ Any-Angle-8479
Waiting
"Giving a fair warning what time we need to leave, and not being ready by the time I’m standing at the door."
~ Von_Blazen
Speak Up
"Being silent when we need to talk through an issue."
~ Real_Willingness1004
Another Perspective
"When my late wife started getting sick and had to stop working she was home all day so she would text me all day."
"When I'd get home she'd be working on dinner and the second I put my keys down she'd say something like 'oh can you run to the store? I need an onion' or some other thing that was needed for what she was making.
"It used to irritate the sh*t out of me that she would text me all day and not one text was'can you stop at the store on the way home'. She saved that for the second I walked in the door."
"She died in 2013."
"I'd give almost anything to get home from a long day at work now and have her need me to go to the store."
"It's funny the little irritations become the things you miss the most."
~ HumpieDouglas
Pet peeves can sometimes evolve into endearing quirks.
And other times they never stop driving you crazy or even end the relationship.
What pet peeves have you had about a partner?
Guys Break Down Why Their Last Partner Broke Up With Them
Reddit user GreekRifle asked: 'Men, why did your last girlfriend dump you?'
A breakup is never easy.
Even so, it is sometimes the only solution when one, or both, members of a couple realize that their relationship simply isn't meant to be.
Sometimes, pinpointing what went wrong in a relationship is difficult that and even years later you still can't find a single reason.
Other times, however, why a relationship came to an end is made abundantly clear by your former partner, sometimes letting you down easily, other times not mincing word one bit.
Redditor GreekRifle was curious to hear from the men of Reddit why their partners chose to end their relationships, leading them to ask:
"Men, why did your last girlfriend dump you?"
A Love That Will Never Die...
"She was in love with her gay best friend."- Lucius_Funk
Communication Is Key
"We didn’t really get each other communication-wise."- heyitsvonage
Too Close To Home...
"Because my mother died of a terminal illness and she had (unbeknownst to me) breast cancer."
"I think she knew it would have wrecked me all over again."- fdxfgyhers
To Love Another, You Must Also Love Yourself.
"I didn't take care of myself."
"I degraded to a state that made me boot worthy"- ToeKnail
Did You Hear That?
"Because I was a sh*tty listener."
"I immediately went and bought and read 4 books on listening."
"I won’t have that happen again."- awerwe4yuti
A Very Important Decision
"She wanted children, I did not."
"We kinda dumped each other for the best, but she took more initiative to see it through."- BrukaAllvar
Wasn't Meant To Last
"Both of us were busy with school and work and so we were spending less time together than usual."
"Around a month into this, she decided that the relationship had gone stale and we should break up."
"I'm not gonna pretend like it was only her fault, cus I only realized how stale our relationship had gotten when she texted me to ask for a breakup."
"I did offer to try and salvage it all, but she turned that idea down pretty quickly."
"Like half a year later she called me in a drunken state and asked if I want to hook up with her."- Phoenix_BFN
On To Better Things... Or Not...
"We were 19 (her) and 22 (me)."
"She decided she wanted to date her coworker."
"A 37 year old pizza delivery guy who lived with his mom and had 2 kids from a previous marriage that he admittedly screwed up."
"They ended up getting married, she was the primary/only breadwinner for awhile because he got fired and then just kinda never tried getting hired again."
"They eventually split up because I think he cheated on her and she tried reaching out to me on Facebook and through mutual friends."
"Yeah………no thanks."
"By then I was married to the love of my life, had 3 kids, a career, just bought a house and adopted a dipsh*t husky from the pound."
"I’m good."- Thebaldsasquatch
"The dude she'd liked for many many years who always told her no when she asked him out realized he could very well lose her to me and said If she wanted to date him he'd go for it now."
"She left me, 4 months later she married him, and now 13 years later is IIRC Divorced from him."
"Jokes on her though, 6 months after we broke up I started dating a friend of mine, we dated for 2 years (compared to 2 months with the ex) and then we got married, and we just had our 11th wedding anniversary in august."
"We have a 4 year old son and every aspect of our relationship is way way better than my relationship with the ex."-evileyeball
It's Complicated...
"She stated that we were headed in different directions."
"She said she still loved me but couldn’t do the relationship anymore as she was 'dragging me down'."
"She was dealing with something that she just couldn’t deal with while being in a relationship with me."
" All of these are reasons she gave me the day we broke up."
"I truly hadn’t seen this happening as we had been talking about marriage."
"She had brought it up and then a month later she asked to go on a two week break, then asked to end the break early because she didn’t want to loose me."
"Less than a week later we broke up because she 'just couldn’t do this anymore'."
"All in all I suppose I don’t know."
"I thought we would spend our lives together, and she had told me constantly that was what she wanted."
"Then one day I suppose she woke up and decided we were over."
"I don’t hold any resentment towards her, and I wouldn’t ask her to explain why."
"Sometimes you fall in love just to fall out of it."
"Other times you find the right person at the wrong time, it really doesn’t matter."
"I hope she finds the right person for her, and I know I’ll keep on moving forward til the day I can’t."- RansomTheTrees
There's No Place Like Home...
"She realized, that she stopped being happy to come home and found things to do to stay out."
"I wanted to end the relationship on the very same day or wanted to have a talk, so not too bad of a break up."- Resident-Worry-2403
Anyone's Guess
"Ask her."
"Really I don't know why she broke up with me."- frogmicky
Ironically, It's Wrong To Always Need To Be Right...
"Wasn’t mature enough to put her feelings before my position in an argument."
"Unfortunately had to learn to be a better person at the expense of an innocent person."- kitchensclosed
Everyone Deserves A Second Chance...
"Because I was a sh*tty person."
"And I wish I hadn't been, but I became a good one after that and regret it cost someone so much."- Skelegasm
It's hard to come to terms with ending things with someone you thought you loved.
Yet, better to have had that love then to never love at all.
All significant others have one type of idiosyncratic behavior that can be easily overlooked.
While the unique characteristic can be annoying, it can also be a charming attribute that makes your loved one extra special to you because it's harmless.
However, there are some behaviors that are unacceptable and can signal the end of relationships.
Red flags aren't as easily negotiable and can be a strong indicator that your partner may not be worth investing in.
Curious to hear from strangers about their hard limits, Redditor WoodenInevitable1574 asked:
"What is one red flag in a partner that negates all green flags for you?"
These red flags are mainly representative of how people treat others.
Meaness
"Cruelty. People can hide it pretty well sometimes but when you see it, it’s best to dip."
– anon
"Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between a human being dumb or being cruel."
– ERSTF
Dramatics
"Victim complex and being rude to people."
– WouldUKindlyDMBoobs
"Just ended a friendship I’ve had with someone since kindergarten due to this."
"She was always the hero or the victim (ya know, always the martyr), and it was always about her. Sad that it ended after so long but I couldn’t take it anymore, and I hated feeling like a hypocrite, calling myself her friend while growing to resent her more and more each day."
– kgriff112
The One-Upper
"Oooh victim complex is a good one."
"Had a girlfriend once where literally no matter what you spoke of or what anybody else spoke of. She had a dozen stories about how her life is far worse than yours and would only talk about her medical issues, it would get brought up legit over 50 times in a day. It was always worse near other people too."
"Girl, I get it, you have had a less than ideal life. But making your entire Personality based around it is insufferable. Shut up and let other people speak for once."
– bumliveronions
You can never trust these kinds of people in relationships. If you spot this red flag, run the other way.
Liars
"Dishonesty."
– pretty_monotonous
"Of course, because then the green flags may all be false."
– sketchysketchist
Taking Daddy's Money
"Was dating a girl and all of the sudden she had way more spending money than what she was earning. I ultimately found out that her dad sent her a check for her college tuition at the private university she was enrolled at, but she dropped several of the classes for ones at the local community college she could get transfer credit for at a fraction of the cost."
"Yeah, embezzling from your dad is not a good sign in a long term partner or spouse."
– tacknosaddle
Schemer
"Malicious Manipulation of any form."
– PsychologicalRing959
These behaviors are unacceptable and can be problematic for the relationship.
"What they say about people behind their back."
– Street_Piece8194
Tossin' Trash
"Littering. Like blatantly. Throwing trash out of a car window, for example. It's my pet peeve. Of course, I'd point it out to them first and see if they stopped doing it, but it would still be a huge red flag to me."
– Hippycowgirl411
Anger Issues
"Extreme outburst of anger."
– itzrx
"Too many people let this go because they saw their parents do it."
– DeepInternet
Excuse For Rage
"Relationship with anger for me. Some people have conditions where they might have a brief verbal outburst they can’t control at first. But if they can get it under control and apologize, then they aren’t committed to their feelings of anger."
"But if they’re the kind of person who gets angry, knowing they’re wrong, but keep pushing because they’re angry and stubborn. The kind of person who gets angry and says 'my emotions are valid' and uses it to justify their actions. The kind of person who decides to hold onto every 'wrong' in a relationship to use in the next argument. Those are commitments to excusing their anger."
– ClassicAF23
The Center Of The Universe
"Over the top solipsism. That 'I don't perceive it that way, so it cannot be true' mentality."
– UnoriginalUse
As someone mentioned above, dishonesty is THE major red flag for me.
If a person can't be honest with me about the most basic things, what makes them think they have my trust down the line?
Like, what are they hiding? No, thanks to playing reindeer games.
Although romantic relationships are wonderful, they aren't all sunshine and rainbows. Relationships are hard. Every couple has issues.
Sometimes, you can work through these issues, but other times, they are relationship enders.
Redditors have identified the exact moment in which a relationship ended, and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor HM333XOXO asked:
“What made you realize the relationship was over?"
What's The Point?
"When the things they did didn’t make me mad anymore. I just didn’t care. At all. So it was easy to walk away."
– claire0
"The opposit of love is not hate, but indifference"
– ZeroTwo81
"This is exactly what happened with the last long term relationship I was in before I met my wife. It took about an hour for me to go from thinking I was in love to realizing I didn't love her, I didn't hate her, I just didn't care so what was the point. The only break up I ever had where I felt nothing afterwards....no sorrow, no guilt, no relief, no freedom...just over"
– YouGuysKilledIt
Finally Free
"When my ex would state 10 seconds into every argument (which became more frequent) that "maybe we don't belong together.""
"I think it was her way of guilting me into ending the argument and switching to comforting/assuring her, but one time she said it and I was just like "well, maybe you're right""
"I knew right then that we were done, there was no walking that back, and I felt so much relief."
– EarlSandwich0045
"Dude, I’m sorry, I had that too. I remember my ex would always say “if you think you deserve someone better, you can leave”. She had a lot of trauma in her childhood, and so I always tried to take it as a defense mechanism, so I would reassure her that I didn’t want to break up, but I want to talk about things that were bothering me (mainly that she wasn’t very affectionate and never expressed her feelings, so I always felt like we were just friends) and some other issues. Anyway, I finally broke up with her one time after she said it, and there was just no fight and that was it. It’s been almost a year and I still feel like the whole relationship was a brain f*ck lol."
– OceanDevotion
Totally Callous
"When I woke up three days post surgery — there had been a cancer scare and complications — I whispered to my husband. “Could you get me some ice chips?” Mind you, I had not been out of bed or eating/drinking, much less awake. He said, stone-faced, “get them yourself.” Not at that moment, but when I processed it later, I knew I could not grow old and be vulnerable with him. Years later, his excuse was that he had just been on the phone with his mother."
– Magoo1963
Misery Loves Company
"I won an all expenses paid trip for two to the Superbowl courtesy of Budweiser. Had a bunch of extras given, vip tickets to concerts happening the days leading to the Superbowl, a superbowl experience trip, was supposed to go golfing, vip tickets to the pre-show and game tickets in a section with unlimited free booze. Then husband was a total a**hole the entire time. Refused to do any of the included activities. Only wanted to find craft beer bars to hang out in."
"At one point got sh*t-faced and wondered around the hotel in a bathrobe yelling at random people while the head of the Budweiser distributor in my town is sitting down trying to recruit me for a job. The morning of the Superbowl he decides he doesn't want to go and wants to sell the tickets instead. So I sell the tickets and hand him $14k from the sale of the tickets. (Have an interesting story about who bought them). It was that moment I understood that this person was miserable and there was nothing in the world that could ever make them happy, and I needed to get the f*ck out."
– deevee234
Not Me Anymore
"When I realized I did not like the person I had become in the relationship."
– yggdrasil_shade
"Same. I was terrified when I realised I slowly turn into his mother. Harsh, demanding, ordering him what to do, yelling if he didn't do something important after I asked and reminded 100 times etc. because when I'm being myself (nonchalant, calm, joking about stuff) he didn't lift a finger to do anything."
"Was making tea and spilled it on a counter? Unless I saw it and said "Go take a rag and wipe it" he wouldn't do it. Like, I legit tried not to tell him anything to find how long it'll take him no notice. Date plans? Only when I find a place and tell him we're going there, otherwise the only option was to hang out at his place, cook something together (if I find a recipe, write down a list of ingredients and we both go shopping) or watch a movie (if I decide what to watch)."
"Broke up because I know there are women who love this kind of dynamic, but it sure ain't me."
– aoi4eg
Disregard For Human Life
"When she told me to stop trying to control her for asking her to stop drinking and driving"
"She had a car accident a few hours later and almost died"
"I don't care if you're irresponsible with your own life but when you drink and drive you put others at risk and the fact a 24 year old had to be told not to do that was shocking"
– Iperovic
Good Advice
"An excellent counselor told me, "Do you know what's worse than coming home to an empty house? Coming home to a house that's more empty because of the person waiting there.""
– Grattytood
Girlfriends
"When I found out he was already in a relationship with a different girl before he even met me, yet still approached me and started a relationship with me. And continued to date her. While dating me. The entire time we were together."
– FigLow4974
It's All About The Compatability
"When she started getting into astrology, started treating me completely different because of my star sign."
– Waste_Stick_7134
Different Futures
"When I realized I was the only one planning our future and he was just there riding along with whatever I came up with. It felt very lonely and exhausting. I wanted a life partner that could help lead the way and carry the load with me."
– hello_enya
"This is a huge issue with relationships. He probably had much different ideas for the future he wanted. Telling you would probably end the relationship so he just played the delay game stretching out the time with you doing what he wanted as long as possible."
"Kind of why me and my ex broke up. She had the same exact issue with me that you had with your ex. Truth is she wasn’t interested in what I wanted in the future at all. Our passions are completely different and I will never give up who I am to please someone else. She’s an indoors, shopping, going out to eat, not active person. I love the outdoors, I love the ocean, I love snowboarding, skating, playing sports, fishing, camping, bonfires on the beach, camping out on the beach. She would come fishing with me occasionally and want to leave 30 minutes in because she was bored. Took me a while to realize that I was always doing things for her because I cared about her but she wouldn’t do those same things for me. She would call me a narcissist all the time. Projection? It sounds like I’m tooling on her but I still care a lot about her."
– BrokedownAlice69
No Empathy
"The doctor says, “I think you have stomach cancer. I want to scope your stomach at 5:00 am.” I was terrified. I just went home and sat stunned on the couch with the dogs for hours until she got home from work."
"She gets home. I ask her to sit down. I tell her what the doctor said. I tell her that I’ll need her to take off work the next day because i won’t be able to drive afterwards and I need her to drive me."
"“But I don’t want to miss work,” she says."
"That’s the exact moment I knew our marriage was over."
– TheMadIrishman327
Completely Done
"I hated hearing her car pull in the driveway when she got off work."
– TrickBoom414
Ouch, that's hard!
We applaud these folks for taking their leave and hopefully finding someone who does meet their needs.
Do you have anything that was the proverbial final nail in the coffin? Let us know in the comments below.
It can be quite a challenge to find a person with everything you're looking for in a potential partner.
So we settle for less than everything and go with a the person who have a few certain things.
Sometimes a person can have that little extra "something" we didn't know we liked.
"Something" can tip the scales in a new direction.
Perhaps a handy skill we didn't know we'd find appealing.
That's why musicians are so popular.
Redditor hearsdemons wanted to compare notes on that little extra something that can make a possible lover that much more enticing.
So they asked:
"Women of Reddit, what skill or talent makes a man more attractive?"
Communication.
Why is that so arduous?
Be a communicator.
Calm
robert eggers patience GIFGiphy"Patience. It's so annoying to be around someone who throws a fit over every little inconvenience throughout the day."
prettygirl717
X
"Any skill honestly. But mostly intellectual curiosity to keep figuring out stuff and trying new things. If you learned X in high school and that's your party trick now but you never learned a new hobby, maybe to fix stuff, do anything new, then it wears thin fast. Anything. Do you cook, hike, know a lot about cricket? Hunt, fish? Cars, planes, boats? Music, movies? Opera? I'm always interested in somebody that can teach me something new. But it does get boring if they just rehash the same stuff and milk it for 20 years."
reveal23414
Serve it Up
"A good cook. I love cooking and am good at it, which guys typically like, but I appreciate when a guy wants to cook for me instead for a change. It's attractive when they know their way around a kitchen and have confidence in their culinary skills without my help!"
Mediocre-End2187
"I love to cook but I once dated a very high-level chef who worked for Joël Robuchon/Four Seasons. I made her a simple chicken and rice dinner one night and she destroyed me with constructive criticism. I appreciated it but dating her was so intimidating when it came to anything food related. Tiny little Vietnamese bad@ss. I miss her."
superboringfellow
Easy to be around...
"Kindness. Genuine kindness."
Tulikettuja
"This. My partner was a kind coworker, he brought us all thoughtful little gifts one year and then after we started hooking up, he was very sweet to my elderly cat and now that we live together, he is an excellent stepfather to my two spoiled little dogs."
"We cry together when things are sad. His desire to be kind has enabled us to have difficult conversations and learn to not be on the defense when we disagree. He makes me coffee on weekends when we wake up at the same time. Kindness is the most important quality."
SuperRadPsammead
How witty...
Comedy Laughing GIF by GEICOGiphy"A sense of humor, but it must be paired with a talent for reading the room."
doublestitch
"Humor + reading the room have to go together. 'Saying what everybody is thinking' is only funny in the appropriate moment."
StandardFront7922
Comedy and a good laugh go a long way.
Hearing
tell me more will smith GIFGiphy"Listening."
misty614
"Not only listening, but follow through afterward!"
casandrine
Relax Yo...
"Staying calm. Men which stay calm almost 24/7 have such an attractive skill. I can‘t really discribe why but it is really attractive to me."
Annikuh
"I was on a date and got a flat tire from a pot hole in a parking lot. I simply changed it and went on with the date. After, she turn me down for another date because she didn't like that I was so calm about the blown tire. Pretty sure I dodged a bullet with that one."
DoctFaustus
Act like it...
"This isn’t a skill or talent, it’s a trait. Being generally nice to those around you and not hurting those around you just to 'be a man.' If acting manly means abuse, I don’t want to marry them."
Buzzing_Bee13
"I will say, I don’t think I’m that nice. But in my defense I think I’m very nice to nice people. Its so rare to find a genuinely nice person. It brings so much energy being around a nice person. I will defend them with ferocity if people ever make fun of them or give them a hard time. Gotta preserve their niceness as long as possible."
mkostinas
Awareness
"The ability to genuinely apologize. Not a mumbled '…sorry' or a defensive 'I’m sorry jeez what do you want?' but a true heartfelt apology that lets me know you understand what happened, are taking my feelings seriously, and will actually follow through with doing better next time. Too often 'sorry' sounds more like 'What do I have to say to get this conversation to end.'"
casandrine
Whatever
Found Footage Video GIF by Eternal FamilyGiphy"Anything really. I just love watching people do something they love and are passionate about. It is attractive when a man has a passion and talks about it."
SleepyDreamer16
Can you imagine one person encompassing of all these? Oh my...
What skills would you add to this list? Let us know in the comments.